Chapter Text
“Raph, go wash up and then come to my lab so that I can see that wound.” Donnie calls, snorting at the grumble he gets in return. He makes sure Raph actually enters the shower before he grabs Mikey and Leo by their arms, dragging them into his lab and shutting, then locking, the door behind him. The wound in question is a knife gash along his arm, and is also related to the reason he’s semi-kidnapping his other brothers.
They give him matching bewildered stares as he pushes further into the room, sitting them down at one of his tables and taking a seat across from them. He takes a moment to make sure they’re paying attention and to gather himself before he finally speaks.
“Alright. Something’s wrong with Raphael, and I know I’m not the only one who’s noticed it. Especially tonight. Leo, he took that knife to the arm when you were already going to block the attack.” Immediately, the atmosphere in the room shifts, the impromptu rendezvous shifting to a strategy meeting in the blink of an eye. Mikey sits up straight, nodding along with Donnie’s words while Leo clasps his hands and rests his chin on them, elbows thudding quietly against the table.
After the revelation last week, everyone had been observing Raph more than usual, consciously or not. The day after had still been rocky, a few sentences trailing off awkwardly, but the warmth they all shared no less diminished for it. Once they got back onto the field, taking on more missions and heading out more, everything had returned to normal. Or, it would have, had Raph not picked up some concerning new behaviors.
Nothing immediately noticeable to anyone unless they were watching him carefully, just small things, like the way he would suddenly dart between them and threats to dispatch them himself. It wasn’t that the behavior was unusual in and of itself, though the sudden increase in it was certainly rather odd, but more so the fervor with which he threw himself into it. He had always been overprotective to a degree, sure, but he also trusted his brothers to hold their own in combat- until now.
Donnie taps his fingers on the table, glancing between his brothers. His original theory was that Raph felt threatened by the fact that Donnie had taken a bullet to the shoulder, and his need to keep them safe was exacerbated by that fact. However, his behavior outside of combat had also shifted, and left the genius feeling unsure of his initial assumption.
The lair felt unbalanced. Eerily quiet at times, devoid of something that Donnie couldn’t name but something which the absence of was noticeable. All he could pinpoint was that it was related to Raph, who had developed new habits and broken old ones, and that led him to start observing his hotheaded brother more often.
“He’s been going out more.” Leo breaks the silence and Donnie’s train of thought, face closed off as he stares at something off to the side. It’s true; Donnie had noted a distinct increase in the amount of times Raph left the lair, along with a more concerning decrease in the amount of times he’d come to the lab for help with his injuries.
Not that Raph wasn’t more than capable of taking care of himself, really, but injuries were commonplace amongst them all, and Donnie was usually their go-to stop for getting treated- unless he himself was the one hurt. Then it was down to Leo to wrangle him onto a cot and to wrap his wounds, but that’s not the point.
The point is that he’s seen his hot-headed brother come back early in the morning, and not received a customary visit so that he could check him over. Donnie isn’t one to push, at least not unsubtly, so he hasn’t confronted Raph about it . . yet.
“Going out more, coming to me for help less.” He grumbles, crossing his arms. There’s a bit of a pause as the new information is digested, and then Mikey hums before speaking up, adding his own two cents on the issue.
“Ok, I’m not sure if this is actually a problem or what, but he’s been chasing after me way less than usual. Like, he still gets annoyed, but then out of no where he just shuts it down and goes to his room instead!” The complaint is accompanied by sweeping gestures, typical of him but mostly being used to disguise the concern in his voice.
Truth be told, Mikey was getting a bit antsy. He had a lot of pent up energy, and being chased by Raph was his favorite way of working it out- with Raph retreating instead of playing along with Mikey, he’s starting to feel it building up. Sure, he has other methods to take a chill-pill, but this was a two-way street he performed on!
Mikey gets to practice his dodging skills against a seeing-red Raph, which also helps him get any leftover energy out and spend some time with his brother, while Raph gets to work some aggression out and feel a tiny thrill of victory whenever he finally catches Mikey. It’s a finely perfected act, and Mikey can’t conduct it alone.
“Like, what gives, man? And sometimes, right when he’s about to catch me, he gets this really weird look on his face before making some weird excuse and leaving!” He slumps into his chair, sending a puppy-eyed look at both of his older brothers in a wordless plea for answers.
There are no answers. Instead, Leo brings up yet another discontinuity.
“He’s been arguing with me less. Normally I wouldn’t say this is something to be concerned about, but he hasn’t been arguing even when I make deliberately stupid choices to get a rise out of him.” Just yesterday Leo suggested they waltz into known Kraang territory for “reconnaissance,” and Raph had agreed without a second thought.
Sure, the lack of argument over every single one of his plans was nice, but Raph was often the one who kept him on track. When everything felt hopeless and he didn’t know what to do, Raph would snap him out of it and back into the moment. This recent streak of mindless submission from his brother was worrying and left Leo feeling lost at sea sometimes, foot anchored to the floor by his own indecision and no lifeboat in sight.
Donnie and Mikey were doing their best, but neither understood Leo the way Raph did, able to snap him into focus him with a word or sometimes even just a well-timed scoff of disdain. Even now, he feels just a bit out of it, except this time there’s no warm hand on his shoulder or begrudgingly quoted line from his favorite show to pull him back.
“Did we do something? Is he pulling away from us?” There’s a small clatter as Mikey awkwardly fiddles with some leftover bits of metal on the table, mind racing as he tries to figure out any way he could’ve upset Raph. Sure it was fun to tease him, but he hated any time he ended up genuinely hurting his older brother. He was the most sensitive of them all, and Mikey often put in special effort to make sure he didn’t push too far.
“This started after that night I got injured instead of Leo. He might still be mad at me for that.” Donnie suggests, even if something niggles at the back of his brain at the thought. Wasn’t there something about that night that he’d noticed was odd? Something Raph did? Said?
“No, this is something else. He tends to hit things, or us, when upset. This is more like he’s . . I don’t know. Hiding himself away, or something?” Leo cuts in, before looking frustrated at his inability to properly put his observations into words. There’s a pause as Mikey and Donnie slowly nod along, realizing they’d been picking up a similar feeling but had been unable to articulate it- reminiscent of how Donnie’s brain ran in circles that night, struggling to compute.
Any trains of thought lead back to Raph’s heartfelt declarations, and Donnie blinks as he finally recalls the small mental note he’d made while overwhelmed. The odd choice of words his brain had pinged stands out even more under the new light of Raph’s recent behavior, and he clears his throat to bring the attention back to himself.
“I’m . . not sure if it’s anything of actual concern, or simply my brain picking at random lines, but do either of you remember what Raph’s last words from that night I got injured were? Before he made to leave?” There’s a short silence as Mikey and Leo think, but eventually they shake their heads, Mikey adding an apologetic shrug as well.
“Not really, I was more focused on trying to comprehend what he said about me. It was something about us being a team, right?” Leo lights up with recognition, and yeah, sure, it’s along those lines, but the specific wording replays in Donnie’s mind.
(“There’s not any one person we can’t live without; the team would shatter the moment any of you three went down.”
“. . and what about you?”
“I’m done bein’ sappy.”)
“He said the team would fall apart without any of us, but he put emphasis on saying “you three.” As if . . as if he’s not included in that.” There’s a long moment of silence until Mikey shifts, expression carefully neutral even though it does nothing to hide the disbelief and rising distress in his eyes.
Out of all of them, Raph was probably the most sensitive. The others weren’t without their issues, sure, but it was a lot easier to throw the hothead out of his delicate balance with something as casual as a passing remark. Mikey can’t believe he didn’t work this out earlier, didn’t see the pain his brother was trying to hide right in front of him.
As much as he doesn’t want to believe there’s something to read into, Raph’s newly picked up habit of throwing himself at enemies makes a lot more sense now. Still, it might be his optimism or just plain denial, but he tries to clarify, hoping he’s somehow misreading the situation.
“You don’t think he’s-” Before he can get any more words out, Leo cuts him off, uncharacteristic for him and an indicator of how affected he truly is.
“Don’t think he’s doing exactly what he told us off about and putting us above him?” Leo seems to have finally caught on, his expression a mix of aimless anger and sharp concern. He steamrolls on, words harried and fast.
"No, that’s exactly what I think he’s doing! Fuck. God fucking damn it! Why didn’t I see this sooner- we need to-” Cursing is rare, especially from their straight-laced older brother, and it snaps Donnie back into the moment just in time for him to grab Leo by the arm as he stands. A confrontation wouldn’t do anyone any good, especially not while stressed like this.
“Calm down. We can’t rush into this, not with Raph.” It’s a weak attempt to keep the peace by Donnie, and it does pretty much the exact opposite of what he’d wanted. Not really surprising, considering how protective Leo could get over any of them.
“Calm down? Calm down?! Our brother is throwing himself into unnecessarily risky situations and metaphorically suffocating himself because he feels inadequate!” One of Leo’s hands slams down on the table, and Donnie answers the aggression in kind without thinking about it. They both ignore Mikey’s weak attempts at easing the tension.
“You think I don’t know?! You think I don’t want to go find him and sit him down and tell him every wonderful thing about him? But I can’t! Because this is Raph, and if we mess up by coming on too strong or with the wrong words, he’ll close himself off even worse!” Arguing with Leo is never nice, but they need to plan before they do anything and he’ll stand by that. The rising hostility really isn’t doing anyone any favors.
Then there’s a thunk on both of their heads, pain blooming from their skulls, and they whirl to gape at Mikey, who brandishes his nunchucks threateningly in their direction.
"Both of you SIT DOWN! We'll figure something out but you yelling at each other isn't going to help!" He seems to have finally had enough, shouting at Leo and Donnie. The harsh tone from their resident pacifist has them dropping back into their chairs in shame, and with a silent truce.
They really don’t know where to go from there. Leo knows Donnie’s right, but he hates being forced to wait, every deep-rooted instinct in his body demanding he find Raph and show his brother how much he loves him. It’s hard to stop himself from coddling all of his family, sure, but it’s doubly so for his wayward little brother who tries to take the world onto his shoulders.
"Uh. Am I interrupting something?" Speak of the devil and he shall appear. Everyone jolts to stare at Raph, who stands in the doorway with a red-stained towel around his arm. The silence barely lasts a second before a drop of red drips off of the fabric and Donnie yelps, kicked into a flurry of motion by what is obviously an open injury.
“Raph! What happened- the wound! Right, right, come here, let me patch that up.” Donnie immediately waves him in, previous argument with Leo forgotten as he switches into doctor mode. There’s a moment of hesitation from Raph as he glances between the three of them, but he steps into the room shortly after.
He takes up the customary seat for patients, right on the cot Donnie insists they don’t use but they all do anyway because it’s the most convenient spot and makes him mad, before turning to look up at Leo and Mikey. Mikey, for his part, is projecting a calm aura with the years of hiding pranks backing him up.
“I nearly forgot you were hurt, oh shell- how bad is it?” Leo, on the other hand, is already rushing towards Raph, hands fluttering uselessly around the towel hiding his bleeding arm. It’s not like he can go shove Donnie aside from where he’s fetching the med-kit, no matter how badly he wants to in a futile attempt to help his brother.
“I’m fine, fearless. Nothing Don can’t fix faster than you can pronounce the title of one of his mechanical books. But what were you guys doing in here? Having a war council without me?” The ending tease is light, but it does give Leo an idea right as Donnie leans down to gently pull away the rag and pour some antiseptic onto it instead. There’s a slight hiss from Raph, and a murmured apology in return.
“Well, you should be fine with some stitches, but I am worried about the blood loss you’ve already sustained. Mikey, can you grab something from my mini-fridge?” Before Donnie even finishes the sentence, Mikey is basically a blur of orange dashing to and from his table, a gatorade bottle clutched in hand that he passes to Raph before he pulls a chair from the table to sit next to him as he’s stitched up.
“Thanks, little brother.” There’s a lull in the atmosphere as Donnie disinfects the wound, muttering even more apologies at the groan Raph fails to stifle. It’s only as he preps the needle and gets the first suture in that Leo speaks.
“Actually, we were discussing you. Earlier, that is.” He gets a confused look from Raph, and Mikey, while Donnie is too busy trying not to mess up the stitches. It’s the perfect time to confront his hot-headed brother, because no matter how the conversation went, he wasn’t reckless enough to leave mid-stitching.
“That’s not concerning at all. Good things only, I hope?” As joking as the remark sounds, a very obvious undercurrent of uncertainty lines his tone. Leo feels his heart crack a little, realizing how much Raph doubts their affection for him.
“Raph. You . . you know we love you, right?” Start off easy. Start off simple. State the obvious, and then work up to the big issues. He needs to say that more often, to all of them, anyway.
“Yeah?” Raph sounds concerned, which Leo realizes may be because of how he’s phrasing things, so he rushes to reassure him.
“And you know we value you as a brother and teammate?” How does he phrase this? Does he just ask how Raph feels? Knowing him, though, he’d probably deflect and try to get out of the room as fast as possible.
“. . Yes?” Now Raph is hesitating, eyes narrowing in suspicion. Maybe narrowing in pain, too, based on the small hisses he continues to let out as Donnie threads the needle in and out of his skin. They couldn’t afford to waste painkillers when it wasn’t excruciating pain, but some part of Leo wants to give him a few anyway.
“And you know you’re really important to all of us?” Alright, he might be laying it on thick, but he just really needs Raph to know they care about him before they launch into a very heavy discussion. Those never went smoothly.
“I’m wha-? You’re being weird. What’s going on?” Leo takes a deep breath, preparing for the emotional backalsh, but someone else beats him to the punch.
“You’ve been acting weird lately, ever since Donnie got injured that one night!” Mikey can’t take the tension anymore, cutting in. Donnie gives a hum of agreement while Leo stays silent, trying to gauge Raph’s reaction.
“I don’t know what the shell you’re talking about.” Is what Raph says, but the way his eyes dart around as his hands clench is a dead giveaway he knows exactly what they’re referring to. Mikey pouts, and Donnie sighs as he inconspicuously dawdles with a few tools in hand instead of actually working.
“We feel like you’ve been distancing yourself from us and a comment you made about us being important, while excluding yourself, leads me to believe that you don’t see yourself as a crucial part of our lives.” Leave it to Donnie to say everything they’re struggling to articulate. It doesn’t slip Leo’s notice how he slows down on the stitches, prolonging Raph’s stay, either.
“Oh, shell no, we aren’t having this conversation right now- Don, finish those stitches and let me out of here-” Raph pales and jerks his arm towards Donnie as if urging him to work faster, then sneers, though it looks mostly self-reproaching, as he realizes that Donnie put the needle down entirely. Leo kind-of-sort-of feels a bit bad about it, but his concern for Raph overrides that pretty quick.
“Raph, talk to us, please. We care about you, and I’m going to smack you upside the head if you really gave us a whole speech about all of us being important while not including yourself in that!” The pleading tone in Mikey’s voice, combined with how he gently clasps one of Raph’s hands, crumbles his defenses.
"I’m- there isn’t- you don't get it.” Doesn’t mean he won’t try to deflect one final time. With brothers as stubborn as his, though, he doesn’t think it’ll get him anywhere. The glance Leo and Donnie share as his youngest brother continues his demands just proves it.
“Then explain it to me!” Mikey demands, giving Raph’s hand a stern shake before wincing and mumbling an apology when the hothead hisses as the motion jostles his half-stitched wound. Silence follows the small outburst, Raph’s hands clenching as he stares down at his lap. After a moment, he speaks quietly.
“Everyone has a role, all of you- you all have a job that you do.” That was familiar enough, sounds like what he’d told them that night, but Mikey has a feeling he’s not done. No one speaks, letting him gather his words.
“I’m not going to go rehashing everything I told you guys, all that stuff about Leo leading and Mikey tempering and Donnie calming- but there’s nothing that I do that you guys don’t, or can’t.” Mikey puffs up defensively, inhaling like he wants to give Raph a piece of his mind, but he holds his tongue when Donnie gives him a look.
“If anything, I’m far more trouble than I’m worth. There isn’t really a point to having me on the team, you know?” Raph tries to sound casual as he says it, but the tremor in his voice and the way he won’t meet anyone’s eyes gives away his inner turmoil. Leo’s stomach turns with something unpleasant at the thought of not having Raph on the team, at the idea of Raph thinking he doesn’t deserve a spot on the team, and he can’t stop himself from interjecting.
“Don’t say that! Of course we need you, Raph.” The interruption is quickly seconded by Mikey, with Donnie nodding along quietly in the background. All it does is make Raph snort, vaguely waving Leo away with his free hand.
“Spare me the platitudes, fearless. How many times have you argued with me over something stupid I did, and threatened to bench me on the next mission?” Raph points out bitterly. Leo starts up a litany of internal cursing, most of it directed at himself for inadvertently hurting his brother. He needs to clear this up, and fast.
“Just because we clash and argue doesn’t mean you aren’t important to us, and you know I’d never force you off the team.” It was foolish of him to assume Raph understood that his words were said in anger and not genuinely meant. Raph did always take everything far too seriously, and it’s coming back to bite Leo.
“Then what am I, Leo?! What do I do? Drive you mad? Bully Mikey? Distract and bother Donnie from doing his work?!” One of Raph’s hands slams down on the tool tray, ripping out one of the still unfinished stitches and tearing the wire. Donnie makes an aborted noise of alarm, but Raph just steamrolls on.
“I barely help with anything outside of fighting, and it’s not like you wouldn’t be able to handle yourself with out me! I’m already useless- the least I can do is stay out of your way and take some hits!” He gestures to his still sluggishly bleeding wound, and that’s enough.
“Raph, shut up for five minutes! God damn it, you aren’t useless! Listen to me- look at me, Raph, and listen.” Leo snarls, grabbing Raph’s shoulders and forcing him to face him- he barely remembers to be gentle with his only half-stitched arm. Raph, in the meantime, looks like he wants the floor to swallow him whole, internally cursing himself for giving in and talking.
By some miracle, Raph does go quiet. Leo isn’t really sure what he wants to say, just that he needs to say it and he needs Raph to listen and understand. His brain races, trying to figure out a way to word the jumble of emotions storming in his chest. Not for the first time, he damns the fact that he isn’t as good with words as he wishes.
The silence stretches, and then Raph glances up at him warily, and any inhibitions melt away. There’s no time for Leo’s brand of indecisiveness. It’s almost ironic, how Raph is usually the one to drag him out of a funk like this, and now Leo is dragging himself out of it for Raph.
“You’re always the one to bring everything into focus for me, and to make sure everyone’s safe.” He starts off with what first comes to mind, and it’s not like it’s not true. “You’re the driving force behind this team, and my second in command. I could never do this without you.”
Wide green eyes meet his, hints of disbelief swimming through them as Raph struggles to comprehend the words. It’s almost a direct mirror of how everyone else felt the night of Donnie’s injury. It hurts a little, how hesitant Raph is to believe him. He wracks his brain for something else to say, but is interrupted by Mikey darting around him.
“Come on, bro, bring it in!” He throws his arms around Raph in a hug, grabbing Leo’s hands from where they still clutch his shoulders and wrapping them around Raph as well. The end result is a really lopsided embrace, but the way Raph just sinks into it makes the slightly uncomfortable position more than worth it.
“You’re totally just missing what’s right in front of you! Whenever we’re just sitting around, you find some way to get us up and active, and all of your barbs and roughhousing lighten the mood just as well as my dumb pranks and stuff. Plus, it like really helps me get any nervous energy out!” Mikey adds his own two cents, squeezing his arms briefly.
“And you always seem to know when I need a pick-me-up. You give me all the praise for being positive and attentive and all that, but you’re just as emotionally aware as I am when it comes to us.” The words are much softer this time, and he feels Raph twitch with hesitation before one of his arms wraps around Mikey, the other wrapping around Leo.
Donnie hesitantly moves in as well, using his height to tuck everyone as far under him as he can. The arm around Mikey wiggles a bit until Raph’s hand grabs one of Donnie’s, and they just stand quietly like that for a moment. Still, Donnie needs to hammer the point home, so he gives him his own assurance.
“By no means are you ever a bother, Raph. I mean, sure, I get a little annoyed when you break stuff repeatedly, but Mikey and Leo aren’t really much better. Most of those injuries you come to me with are ones you got protecting me because my back was turned or I was working on something in the field.” Facts first, especially those pertaining to Raph’s incorrect idea that he truly bothers Donnie.
“Also, you’re just about the only one who can get me out of my head and out of my lab when it gets bad. Brawn to my brains, yeah? You’re all my brothers, and the most important people in my life.” Emotional appeal next, and maybe he lefts his voice soften until it’s just above a whisper, arms tightening around his brothers just a bit because he loves them all, and they deserve to know.
The silence is comfortable, even as they wait for Raph to gather his words. For now, they’re content to simply hold their brother between them and give him the comfort he’s been so sorely lacking. There’ll be more conversations later, more questions, more explanations, but now all they have to do is exist. Raph takes a shuddery inhale.
“. . Love you guys.” No one comments on the watery tone, the sniffle that follows it, or the tear drops that splash between their plastrons. All that matters is that they’re together, glued and there to stay.