Chapter Text
Kathryn sat in her apartment overlooking the Presidio with her whiskey, dreaming about a certain bronzed man with a tattoo above his left eye. She could not stop thinking about that hug she had shared with him on that station.
She shook herself out of the dream and mumbled to herself, “Dammit Kathryn. You need to get this off your chest.”
Kathryn went to her terminal and found Chakotay’s current location. Once she found him, on the Protostar, she put her uniform jacket on and made her way to the transport station, able to use her security clearance to get on the ship.
When she materialised in the transporter room, there was no one there to greet her. Which worked to Kathryn’s advantage. She got to a console and checked how many people were on board. Most of the crew wouldn’t arrive until 0600 tomorrow, but Chakotay was on board. In fact, he was on the bridge.
Kathryn made her way to the bridge and managed to avoid being seen by the skeleton crew that were already on board. It was dark when she got to her destination, with only the consoles shining for a light source, and there was a silhouette in the captain’s chair.
“I was hoping I would find you here.” Kathryn said softly.
He turned around and was surprised to see her standing behind him near the turbolift.
“Kathryn?” Chakotay questioned.
Kathryn took a deep breath in, knowing the crew wouldn’t come to the bridge just yet and they had some time alone.
“There has been something that I have needed to say for a long time. But I’ve been too stubborn to tell you. I always said it was Mark, then my captaincy. Then you moved on. Then we drifted apart. I kept myself away from you. Told myself that you hated me, that I stuffed us over. I messed it all up.” Kathryn was rambling and secretly wished he would stop her right now, in any way. Even a kiss. “I know that if I don’t say this now, I’ll never say it.”
She could see Chakotay blink via the dim light from the consoles. He slowly stood from his chair, and walked to where Kathryn was standing. She started breathing heavier, knowing it was all or nothing now.
“Kathryn. You never stuffed us over. I did. I didn’t wait for you.”
“I love you.” Kathryn blurted out.
Chakotay stopped mid step and his eyes were as wide as saucers.
Kathryn was trying to keep her heart and breathing under control. But they were defying her, as she had just laid her heart on the line. Waiting for Chakotay’s response was torture. Every heartbeat grew louder until she couldn't hear anything. Everything was thrumming in her ears. Until she saw his mouth move. Kathryn shook her head.
"... waited to hear you say that."
"I denied it long enough. I couldn't any longer."
"But why now? When I'm about to leave."
Kathryn's breathing got heavier, "Because I could never forgive myself if anything happened to you and I never admitted how I felt. I know, I’m a coward and have been for so many years and…”
Chakotay placed a hand on her shoulder, and a finger on her lips.
“Shh… You're here now. Yes, you did wait a long time, but everything was on your timeline Kathryn. No one else’s. I didn’t push you. We may not have a lot of time to act on our feelings now, but let’s make the most of it.”
Chakotay smiled, his dimples just shining through.
“I just finished up here. Accompany me to my quarters?”
Kathryn’s signature crooked smile came out to play and she said, “Yes. I would love to.”
=/\=
As Kathryn stepped into his quarters, she noticed they were quite spartan since he hasn’t had a chance to unpack the crates that are sitting around the room.
“Sorry for the mess. I was not really expecting any visitors so soon.”
Kathryn replied, “Well, I didn’t give a lot of warning either. You should’ve seen my quarters when I first got to Voyager . I didn’t unpack my crates for 5 days.”
Chakotay turned around, “I believe the first time I set foot into your quarters the room was immaculate. That was for dinner the first night we set on our journey home from the Delta Quadrant.”
“I may have been in my quarters for half the day making sure that was the case, meanwhile reading the 30 or so reports that I actually had to go through, in order to know what you were going to talk about in our working dinner.”
Chakotay chuckled, “And you burnt the pot roast. I remember when the replicator indicated the food was ready, your room filled up with so much smoke, the fire suppression system came online and soaked everything in sight!”
“So we have established… I’m a terrible cook.”
Chakotay somehow made his way over to the replicator and asked, “Coffee?”
“Spike it with whiskey, please.”
Chakotay’s eyebrows rose through the roof.
“I’m assuming you had already been drinking before you came here.”
Kathryn could do nothing except nod her head. Chakotay always saw through her. Chakotay turned to the replicator and asked for two black coffees with a shot of whiskey.
Chakotay jumped over boxes and somehow made it back with both drinks in their cups. He handed Kathryn the coffee and she threw back most of it quickly.
“Woah, slow down.”
Kathryn drained the rest of her cup and said, “I thought it was subtext. You know, the reason I came here.”
“To profess your love to me?”
“Chakotay.” Kathryn almost rolled her eyes. Instead she settled for a sigh. “We’ve waited long enough. And I know that if you left and we didn’t… do it. I would be very disappointed.”
“Now?” Chakotay took a sip of his coffee while waiting for Kathryn’s answer.”
“I’ve never been more sure than I am right now.”
Chakotay drank a couple more sips and placed his drink down on one of the crates and Kathryn took this opportunity to kiss him. He tasted like sandalwood and nature, with a slight coffee and whiskey taste. Perfection in her mind. She breathed in his scent, his uniqueness. Kathryn couldn’t help herself. She was drinking him in. When they parted for air, Kathryn grabbed him by the wrist and led him around the crates to the bedroom.
Chakotay pulled back. “Are you sure?”
“More than anything.”
Kathryn pushed him onto the bed and let her primal nature take over. There was to be no thinking involved tonight.
=/\=
The Next Morning
A constant buzz rang throughout the room.
As Kathryn stirred, Chakotay’s husky morning voice broke through the noise.
“Computer, shut the alarm off and reset for 24 hours.”
“Mhmm. Morning, sexy.” Kathryn turned to him and snuggled closer.
“Sexy? I thought I was handsome.”
“You can be both.” Kathryn opened her eyes and looked straight into his and smiled.
“Last night was nice. You don’t regret anything?”
Kathryn shook her head. “No. Because last night will be replaying in my mind. The minute you come home, it will be like you never left.”
Chakotay tugged the blankets off Kathryn and said, “Come on. We have to get you off the ship before the crew starts arriving in 45 minutes.”
Kathryn hopped out of bed and got her uniform. She went into the bathroom and had a quick sonic shower, and put on some basic makeup. She twisted her hair in a complicated low bun and ruffled down her uniform, trying to make it look like she hadn’t spent the night somewhere where she wasn’t supposed to. She left the bathroom and Chakotay was there in his boxers, putting away some trinkets from the crates.
“I formed some sort of path now.”
Kathryn smiled and chuckled a little. “Get a uniform on and you can take me to the transporter room.”
With a quick peck on the lips, Chakotay made his way to the bathroom while Kathryn replicated herself a coffee and piece of toast. She was finishing the toast when he came back.
“I’m surprised that you didn’t burn the toast.”
“I know that you wouldn’t like my usual morning routine which is skipping breakfast.”
“You're right. I don’t. Come on, let's go get you home.”
Kathryn stopped just before the sensor. Turned to face him, a pleading look in her eyes.
“I still can’t believe after everything we went through, you’re really going back to the Delta Quadrant. Promise me you won’t get yourself into any trouble. Please come home to me, Chakotay.” Kathryn’s eyes pleaded.
Chakotay took a deep breath. “I can’t promise anything. However, I will say this. I will try and not get into any trouble. I won’t be alone. I’ll have the training holoprogram, that looks like you, there to advise me.”
“It’s still a long way from home, Chakotay.”
“If anything happens, if… I run into trouble, you’ll be the first one I call.”
Kathryn placed her hand over his heart. She could feel his heartbeat under his breastbone.
“Make sure that you do.”
They stepped out and made their way to the transporter, not bumping into any crew on the way. Kathryn stepped up and turned back to see Chakotay at the controls.
“I love you.”
“I love you too, Kathryn.”
Tears threatening to spill over. Kathryn cleared her throat and said, “Energise.”
The familiar tingle of the transporter took her back down to her apartment. Wiping her tears away, Kathryn took on the face that would get her through the day.
=/\=
The crew started filling up the ship and yet, all Chakotay could think of was the last image of Kathryn that he saw before he transported her down. Tears brimming on the edge. She didn’t want to leave and he didn’t want her to leave.
The events of last night were burned into his mind too. He was sure if he got a brain scan the tricorder would literally show his brain shouting, ‘I had sex last night with Kathryn Janeway!’
Shaking his head, he tried to focus on pre-launch protocols. All departments recorded ready for launch.
Nodding to his communications officer, he ordered “Open a channel to Starfleet Command.”
“Channel open, Captain.”
“This is Captain Chakotay of the U.S.S. Protostar requesting clearance for launch.”
The screen lit up and sapphire blue eyes burned through the screen directly at him.
“Permission granted, Captain.” Her husky voice reverberated through the comm system.
“Godspeed and Goodluck. To all of you. If you see the Kazon, send them my regards.”
Chakotay smiled at Kathryn, remembering how they left things with the Kazon last time. They had been getting reports that they were operating a trafficking business with a mine. Using alien prisoners as workers, just because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time.
“I’ll be sure to send it along.”
“Also, remember that not everything can be fixed. The prime directive will apply.”
Chakotay chucked his dimples at her knowing she would be melting inside.
“We know, Admiral.”
“Stay safe. All of you. Can’t wait to hear about your adventures. Janeway out.”
A part of Chakotay’s heart broke. But he saw in her eyes the message she wanted to say most of all. ‘I love you. Stay safe and come home to me.’
Chakotay hung his head to his chest and thought. ‘I love you too and I will try.’ Lifting his head to his crew he ordered them to set a course to the Delta Quadrant and activate the Protostar Drive as soon as it was safe to do so.
=/\=
A Couple of Weeks later
Kathryn made her way to her office at Command and found her assistant Decan waiting for her. For a Vulcan he had a solemn look across his face.
“In my office.”
She made her way into her office and Decan followed close behind. When she walked in, Kathryn faced the windows that overlooked the San Francisco Bay, avoiding eye contact.
“What is it, Decan?”
“The Protostar has missed the last 10 communication windows. And dropped off the sensors a day ago. We haven’t been able to reestablish contact yet.”
Kathryn’s chest felt like it was tightening in on itself. Her stomach turned and her heart was shattering faster than she could keep up with.
“Is there anything else we can do?”
“The slipstream class is still in testing stages. It will be the only ship fast enough to get to the Delta Quadrant. However, Starfleet doesn't want to use it until it is absolutely necessary.”
The nausea was setting in. Kathryn couldn’t keep it at bay any longer. She made a beeline for her private bathroom. As soon as she got to the door she collapsed, Blacking out. Decan called for Voyager’s former EMH immediately.
A couple of minutes had gone by and the sound of the medical tricorder is the first thing Kathryn heard when she came to. Then seeing the Doctor’s face.
“Decan called for me.” The Doctor said quickly, knowing Kathryn would want an explanation.
“I must thank him for knowing who I would like to see when something like this happens.” She felt that she was laying on the couch. She started to sit up but the Doctor’s hand forced her back down.
“You can’t sit up. Your stomach is still settling. However, I can’t give you medication to relieve it.”
“Why not?”
The Doctor checked behind himself to be sure Decan was not in the room.
“You're pregnant, Admiral.”
Kathryn’s mind flashed back to their wild night of passion aboard the Protostar the night before launch. She whispered. “It’s Chakotay’s.”
The Doctor nodded his head. “Admiral, I need you to listen to what I say.”
Kathryn looked at the Doctor and said, “I’m not telling anyone. Not yet. I need to find Chakotay first.”
“I was more going to say orders, about your lifestyle. But we can keep this between ourselves.”
Kathryn looked over to him and silently nodded her thanks. He gives her a PADD full of instructions.
As the Doctor got up to move out of the office, Kathryn whispered, “I love him, Doctor. I told him so the night before he launched.” A pregnant pause hung through the air. “I wish he was here.”
The Doctor laid a hand on her shoulder. “We will all be here for you Admiral. In any way possible.”
“Thank you, Doctor.”
He left the room and Kathryn got to thinking. How much everything would change, when Chakotay will get back.
She hung her head towards her stomach and whispered to their child, “I’m going to get your Daddy back. I’ll make sure of it.”