Chapter Text
“To Karnak, May he rest in Karnak.” Constance poured a small amount of the vodka she stole from Mischa on Karnak’s seat. She laughed at her joke that only made sense to her.
“Constance, that didn’t make any sense. Also don't you think you've had enough?” Noel tried reaching for the bottle
"Of you." Constance snapped, taking another sip of her vodka.
Noel gasped, offended.
“Guys, I’ve been thinking about that night over and over. One thing has become clear. This is the darkest, most terrible timeline.”
“Enough with the timeline crap, Ricky! Karnak got shot in the leg and died! Constance is a drunk. Ocean’s locked in a mental ward because her guilt drove her insane. Penny lost an arm in the fire. Mischa lost his larynx because, for some dumb reason, he tried to destroy a flaming troll doll by eating it.”
“Clearly you don't understand anything about defeating trolls.” Mischa’s now computerized voice argued. Noel and Mischa had been getting into more arguments than before. He was going to end it soon.
“Life has gone to hell, Ricky. This is real! Look at us. Look at me!” Noel frantically gestured to his hair, showing off the one bright blue streak.
“Noel, you put one wash-away blue streak in your hair. And I lost an arm.” Penny complained.
“Exactly. Life got dark.”
“And all because Penny rolled a one,” Ricky remarked, cutting up felt to make some type of shape.
“Oh, I love how this is somehow my fault," Penny grumbled.
“It's mine. I've run over that night over and over in my head, and I keep coming back to one thought. I should've caught the die and not let you roll it. I failed to do that, and we all suffered for it. But I'm gonna make it up to you.” Ricky began to pass around black-felt goatees.
“What is this?” Penny picked up the felt goatee.
“Of all the timelines, this is clearly the darkest, which is why I propose we commit to being evil. I made us all black goatees out of felt. I suggest you put them on until you're able to grow your own. From now on, I am evil Ricky. We're the evil study group, and we have but one evil goal. Return somehow to the prime timeline, the one that I stopped you from rolling that die, then we destroy the good versions of ourselves, and reclaim our proper lives.”
Penny shook her head. “Evil Ricky.”
“Mm-hm?” Ricky looked up from putting on the goatee.
“As evil Penny, am I allowed to pull fewer punches with you?”
“Certainly.”
“I hate you! Shut up with your sci-fi crap! I lost my damn arm, and you're making fake beards!” Penny shouted at Ricky, fed up with his fake sci-fi bullshit. She threw the goatee on the table.
“Goatees.” Ricky corrected Penny as she stormed out of the room.
Both Ricky and Mischa looked into each other’s eyes. “Evil Misch and evil Abed.” They sang the same tune that they used to host their now evil morning talk show.
~~~
Ricky could sense something was wrong. He couldn’t quite place his finger on it, but he knew something was off.
“What's wrong?” Mischa looked over at his best friend completely ignoring the movie they were watching.
“I don't know. I guess nothing.”