Chapter Text
Key:
Lockwood
Lucy
George
Holly
Kipps
Flo
skull says someone has a dark secret but won’t tell me who or what.
Skull isn’t the most trustworthy source of information, Luce.
he saved our lives!
Kipps has also saved our lives and I wouldn’t trust everything he says.
fuck you too, tony.
Last week you tricked George into putting salt in his tea instead of sugar.
ok but that was funny
yeah it was
I don’t like when Lucy and Kipps are friends
No one does, George.
so - anybody want to fess up? any dark secrets to spill?
You know all of mine.
You know all of me.
gag
Keep it PG on the cloth
THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT
Could the skull mean my stash of cashews in the basement? They’re my stress snack.
that’s dark hol
also i doubt it
That leaves George and Kipps.
what about flo?
If she has any secrets, I doubt the skull knows about them. She stays away from him.
that’s true
then it’s got to be one of you two
Well obviously it’s Kipps
He’s a shady guy with a dark past
you mean working at Fittes?
you literally stole a type 3 from them
that’s much shadier
he’s got a point, george
what ELSE have you nicked?
I’m hurt, Lucy. If I hadn’t nicked the skull, you wouldn’t have your best friend.
The Georgie doth protest too much
Oh, NOW you’ve read Hamlet
i’ll figure it out eventually. watch your backs, boys
i’m quaking in my boots
skull says someone KIPPS has a dark secret but won’t tell me who or what.
HA!
wait i didn’t write that
That looks like your handwriting, though. They got your weird K down pat.
I’m not sure if that’s impressive or chilling.
can’t believe George is trying to frame me
suspicious behavior
I didn’t do it!
Well, someone did.
skull doesn’t know who
Kipps obviously did it to throw us off.
Give it up and just come clean. Did you murder someone?
not YET
Public indecency, then?
where is flo, she’s the only one who can get him to shut up
you rang?
distract your boy
ask nicely
OH GREAT QUEEN OF THE RIVER, I BEG OF YOU TO CONTROL YOUR MAN
that’s better. cmon georgie, buy me some pizza
You’ve won this battle, Kipps, but I will win the war.
There’s something wrong with all of you.
skull says someone KIPPS GEORGE has a dark secret but won’t tell me who or what.
Okay, who did it this time?
obviously george is trying to throw us off his trail
Have you never had an original thought in your life, Kipps?
We all know it’s Kipps at this point.
I’m not convinced.
This is too clever a ruse for Kipps.
ET TU, LOCKWOOD
eat shit, tony
but george is terrible at keeping secrets
Maybe it ISN’T either of them, then.
Skull might have meant my cashew stash. And my sunflower seed stash. And my dried apricots.
Holly, you don’t have to hide your snacks. I guarantee none of us will touch them.
Lucy gets twitchy when she sees healthy food.
it’s true
but no, skull doesn’t care about your rabbit food
i’m starting to think he just made it up for attention
Ah…
don’t.
I wasn’t going to say anything.
>:(
But I told you so.
Oh, dear.
Wait, why is there blood on the cloth?
DID LUCY STAB LOCKWOOD???
WHERE ARE YOU GUYS????
we all saw this coming.
incredible work as always, tony.
Calm down, George, it’s not blood, it’s jam. Lucy knocked it over when she stormed out of the room. She and Lockwood went for a walk, I assume so he could grovel for forgiveness.
ah. damn.
it’s fine guys
nothing to worry about
That doesn’t actually make me feel better.
I’m touched you’re so worried for me, George.
If you get murdered, who will pay my salary?
Like I said. I’m touched.
skull says someone KIPPS GEORGE FLO has a dark secret but won’t tell me who or what.
can someone just fess up? to anything? please?
I accidentally used your bath towel the other week to mop up some water.
I washed it right after, of course.
But I didn’t ask your permission first. I'm sorry!
that’s sweet, hol, but it’s ok. george has used it for worse and NOT washed it after.
I threw out one of George’s comics on accident. Sorry, mate.
DICKHEAD
I forgive you.
I owe Kipps 20 quid but pretend I don’t remember.
that’s not a secret. pay me.
You can pry that money from my cold, dead hands.
and i will.
i’m the one who accidentally threw a red sock in with lucy’s load of whites and turned all her knickers pink.
i was blaming holly for that!
not out loud, but in my head.
stop hiding and let me hit you
I’d rather not.
I’m the one who’s been pretending to be Lucy on here.
Florence Regina Bonnard! I am shocked!
im actually not. can’t believe we didn’t suspect the most successful criminal among us.
who else could forge my handwriting?
But why, Flo?
because it was hilarious
she’s not wrong
skull loves it
I can’t believe you tried to frame me!
Forgive me?
Obviously.
that’s touching, but we still don’t know who has a dark secret.
alright, i’ll try to ask one last time
Note for future scholars: her face has turned a fantastic shade of puce.
Another note for future scholars: she has a strong arm and good aim.
Edited by A.J. Lockwood to add: she threw a salt shaker at George.
Edited by Q.A. Kipps to add: she’s now shouting, “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?”
her aim IS good. she just chucked the skull out a window. - Florence R. Bonnard, esq.
This just in—she says he told her that HE was the one with the dark secret and it was that he finally remembered his old name.
EUGENE. HIS NAME WAS FUCKING EUGENE. AND HE LED US ON THIS GOOSECHASE FOR A WEEK.
I’M GOING FOR A WALK.
Tony—how’s it feel to see your girlfriend fight with her ghost boyfriend?
Get out of my house.