Chapter Text
“I won’t be alone” It’s no longer Kaneki’s voice, it’s all Haise, for just a glimmer for a second. “I’ve got Hide. I’ve got the Quinx. And most importantly, I’ve got the closest thing I’ll ever get to family, inside of the CCG. Arima and Akira.”
“Then, we’ll need a plan” Yomo agrees, “Any ideas?”
Kaneki shrugs while he chews on his breakfast. Uta and Yomo only seems a little disgusted by the human food, but Yomo must be used to it by now. Spending his days baking bread for :RE. “The Washu has a mission for me. I heard them talking about it. Maybe, that’s the place to start?”
Yomo shrugs, “Maybe.”
“Tsuneyoshi Washuu seemed convinced I wouldn’t go to Arima” Kaneki points out, thinking back to the hallway conversation he’d overheard. Furuta sound desperate and pleading, while the older man, the Washu clan leader and CCG current owner, had remained calm. “That might be something we can benefit from. Of course, nobody on the inside can know what I’m doing.”
“But if you really are as close with your team as you claim” Uta jumps in “Isn’t it just a question about time before they realize what you’re doing?”
Kaneki nods quietly, “I’d need a cover that could explain why I’m acting weird, especially towards Hide.”
“Well, that’s easy. Haise Sasaki doesn’t know Nagachika, does he?” Yomo promotes.
“He didn’t used to” Kaneki confirmed. Things had changed while he was sick with Calamity, of course, and Akira and Arima had allowed Hide back into his life. Without him, Haise wouldn’t have remember and woken up on the other side of the coma as Kaneki. “I’ll be gone for the better part of 48 Yomo, a million things could have happened to me during that time. Tokyo isn’t safe for me as a Ghoul, or for me as an investigator. I could have lost my memories. Again…”
Uta nods silently in approval, while Yomo grunts a deep sound of distaste. “I don’t like it. You said yourself, having your team means you won’t be alone. But faking a memory lose? Doesn’t that take all that away?”
“For now, it protects them. We’ll need them later on.” Kaneki says sternly and looks to Uta for support, “It’s just another mask. It won’t be forever. In a few weeks, the Washu clan and V will be taken down. It is going to change everything.”
Yomo agrees after a moment. Displeasure still clear, but Kaneki leaves no room for arguments.
“So, you’re just going to waltz into Washuu’s office and say that you’ll take the job?” Uta questions.
Kaneki shakes his head, “No. I’ll go back home, make breakfast. I need the Washuu to come to me. Otherwise, they’ll know that I’ve overheard them. That could be an issue.”
***
You never know where life is going to take you next. You could stumble out of bed one morning, and just, get hit by a bus. Game ever. There is no second chances, no respawn button, and that means life has unpredictable consequences. Kaneki has always known that, and he believes that’s part of the reason he finds such joy in Sen Takatsuki’s books. Filled with a level of realism, that no other author quiet hits in the same way. Nobody lays a lid on those powerful, strong, and most importantly, real emotions. It was okay for the main character to die halfway through the book, leaving something unfinished behind. Because that’s how real life works.
Returning to the CCG leaves Kaneki with a similar feeling of unpredictability.
Akira and Arima, and of course Hide, are trusted friends. Family, really. And based on Kimi’s words, nobody from the quinx squad are too alarmed about what took place that morning. He is, for now, safe as Haise Sasaki. If he plays his cards right. And that means, pretending that he doesn’t remember. Even when he’s together with Hide and Arima.
It breaks his heart seeing how Hide pales and sits shakily on a kitchen chair. But it helps that Arima is as calm as he is. Kaneki had half expected that returning would mean getting in big trouble. He’s not. Arima sits down with him and explains the You used to be Ken Kaneki and Hide, Nagachika is your former friend, and the whole You remembered, but now you don’t, are you feeling okay?
It’s one of those times, where life isn’t predictable.
Just a few hours later, Haise Sasaki sits in Arima’s office where they’d talking about everything and nothing. (Mostly books). It’s rather calming after the past few days. He’d forgotten how safe he feels around Arima, despite knowing that this man attacked him. Almost killed him.
And falling into the role of Haise Sasaki, is easier than he had expected. In a way, it’s just Hinami said. Haise Sasaki were Ken Kaneki, even if you didn’t know. You never did change, did you?
That had brough a new clarity to Kaneki. He never realized it before, partly because he’d been busy recovering, but also because he hadn’t remembered for a long time, but Haise were Kaneki. Ready to take a beating from the people he loved the most. His mother, sure. But in a way Arima too. Though, that had been a different time, before the birth of Haise Sasaki.
Still, as he watches Arima, Haise feels bad about playing this game with him. Pretending that nothing has changed. That Kaneki doesn’t live. Because while Arima seems relaxed enough about Haise being just Haise, his voice is laced with worry.
The question hangs unspoken between them. Why don’t you remember?
“I’m sorry” Haise apologizes when the silence becomes too much. He isn’t sure what he apologizes for exactly.
Arima clearly isn’t either and looks up at him with even more concern, “Sorry for what Haise? You have nothing to apologize for. If anyone does, it’s me.”
That takes them both by surprise. Haise looks down into the floor, clenching his hands so hard that he fears he’ll draw blood. Doesn’t just fear it because a few seconds later the metallic sent reaches his nose. He dries it off in his shirt the best he can, praying that Arima doesn’t see this weakness. Haise and Kaneki is, and always where the same person, but Kaneki had always been more self-destructive.
Haise takes a deep beath, then meets Arima’s eyes, “Will you tell me what those meetings has been about?” It’s risky asking. Haise knows that. Kaneki knows that. Because it doesn’t fit with the story of not remembering. But he hopes… he hopes Arima won’t catch on. Hopes…
“Haise, I-“ Arima stops, hesitates. Haise hasn’t ever seen the great reaper stop like this. Is he scared that lying will make Haise run off again? “I’ll tell you, but not here. Not at the CCG.”
He gets that. “When?”
“Tonight. I’ll tell you toni-“ knocks echoes from the door. They both turn and Arima calls out “Come in.” But the door is already half open when Arima says it.
Moments later Nimura Furuta steps inside. His black hair frames his pale face, and the black suit fits his body perfectly. Just in time, Haise thinks to himself, just like he’d predicted when talking to Uta and Yomo.
“Arima, Sasaki” Furuta half bows at them, despite being much higher ranking than, at least, Sasaki.
Arima bows back, stiffly. Haise can almost hear the way the reapers heart speeds up, but nothing is shows on Arima’s face. “Furuta. What bring you here today?”
Furuta taps his feet against Arima’s impressive floors. It clicks loudly and echoes through the room. He has a weird grin on his face, but that isn’t uncommon for him, Haise notes. “I was hoping to borrow investigator Sasaki.”
He can still hear the conversation in his head… it’s hard to believe it’s only two days ago.
“Arima has betrayed V. Haise is the only person who he won’t see coming.”
“I still don’t see how it’s all that important. Calamity is the answer, it’s the key we’ve been searching for, for all these years. What are we waiting for?”.
“I thought that was obvious, Furuta. Calamity might give us the ability to live as humans do, but… it could kill us. It’s not ready. And if Arima and his little secret team is working on taking down V and exposing the Washu clan for who we really are, we can’t make any drastic moves.”
“Then I ask you again. Do you really think Sasaki is up to the task? That he’s on our side? What would stop him from going to Arima.2
“Because… He doesn’t remember his life as a Ghoul. He would give anything, to live as a human. No longer trapped in that little, fake family, of his.”
“If you think so.”
“I know so, Furuta. Or are you doubting my judgment?”
There is no doubt in Furuta’s face now.
Arima appears shocked and hesitate, before finally nodding. Even more stiffly, now. Is it fear the reaper is feeling? Haise never knew if that feeling of family was one sided, but… now. It’s clear that Arima cares a lot. “I suppose that’s fine. If Haise feels comfortable?”
“Sure” Haise nods, and soon follows Furuta out the door, down the hall, and into an elevator.
Arima’s office is on one of the top floors, together with Akira’s and Haise’s, and a few other high-ranking investigators. But the Washuu office is another few floors up. A metaphor for them being the head of the CCG.
As the elevator slows to a halt, sunlight streams through the large panorama windows that capsules the waiting area.
Haise follows two steps behind Furuta that steers for a long, expensive looking, white leather couch. The man sinks into the soft pillows, and then waves for Haise to take a seat next to him. So, Haise does just that. Waiting.
Waiting.
“How are you feeling after Calamity, investigator Sasaki?” Furuta asks but doesn’t look up from his expensive looking phone. Clearly thinking that Haise isn’t quiet work his time.
There is something forced to the casual conversation, but Haise is naïve two-year-old, so he pretends not to notice. Instead, he smiles and rubs the back of his neck with a soft laugh, “Getting better every day.” He replies.
Furuta nods, pauses, and looks up this time, “Must be nice gaining the ability to eat human food. I mean, as a member of the CCG the closer to human you are, the better.”
“Oh? Yeah. Guess so” Haise nods thoughtfully.
Furuta raises an eyebrow at that but say nothing more as they sit there. Waiting. Minute ticking by. Are they testing him somehow? Testing his patients? Seeing if he’ll ask stupid questions? Do they know that he heard them in the hall? Do they know that he knows that they are Ghouls? Does Arima know that the Washuu are Ghouls?
Another few minutes passes and the big door slides open. Furuta pushes Haise in front of him as they enter the Washuu office.
And before them both sits Tsuneyoshi Washuu.
Tsuneyoshi Washuu is – Haise hates to say it – old. Old, and big. He’s built with a solid stance, and despite his age, he looks ready for another right. Not surprising, seeing as he was able to take on SSS-rated Ghoul’s during his prime. Haise could only ever dream of that, but maybe, Kaneki stood a chance? There is something intimidating about standing here in front of the older man. Yet a softness, a piece of humanity clads his face. Nobody would ever believe him to be a monster.
Furuta pads Haise on the shoulder before leaving the room. Haise feels a little safer, knowing that Furuta won’t be here for the conversation.
“Sir?” Haise asks softly, “Uh-uhm. How can I help you?” it sounds wrong as it comes out his mouth.
Tsuneyoshi Washuu gets up and turns to the window that baths the room in afternoon sun. He’s taler than Haise had expected. “Haise…” first name, a kind tone flow between then, “How would you describe your relationship with Kishou?”
“Kishou?” Haise asks. His voice feels dry. It takes a moment for it to click, “You mean Arima?”
Washuu nods.
“It’s great! He’s taught me a lot over these past few years” Haise smiles to himself, as if remembering some nice moment between the two, and he does, Arima’s comfort and presence after nightmares. “He’s become like family to me, in some ways.”
“It warms my heart to know you’ve made such a strong relationship with my son” Tsuneyoshi continues, but suddenly Haise can’t hear a single word he says. Son? What does he mean by that… does that mean… does that mean Arima is Tsuneyoshi’s son? “- Must have been difficult adjusting to life as an investigator. I don’t imagine people has been all the accepting of your… special circumstance. It’s a shame.”
“Sir?” Haise tries, hoping Washuu will get closer to the point. Focus. Focus. Focus.
Washuu just nods and keeps going, “It pains me to ask you this, Haise. In a way, you are like a grandchild to me, through your relation to Kishou. I have no other choice… I’m worried that Kishou might be steering down a dangerous path. He’s hoping to take down an organization only known as V. He has become… stuck, on the thought that the Washu clan must be working with them.”
V? Why does that sound so familiar to him?
“Haise. I’m asking you, because I trust you. I allowed Kishou to take you in and make you an investigator, despite you being a Ghoul. But I see a part of myself in you” Because you’re a Ghoul too? “We are more alike than you think, dear boy. Both dreaming of living a real life, between humans. Without the fear of being judged.”
It takes him of guard. Here he thought the Washu clan was smart, and yet Tsuneyoshi is standing here, confessing everything to Haise. Son. V. Ghoul. It has to be a trick, he reminds himself. To gain Haise’s trust.
Unable to control himself, Haise lets hi curiosity flow. Just a flicker of a second. “You’re saying, you are a Ghoul too. Sir?”
Sure enough, Washuu nods and turns to him. Comes to him. Places a steady hand on his Haise’s shoulder. His heart speeds up, just a little.
“Haise, please, you must prevent Arima from taking down V” Tsuneyoshi finally gets to the point, “Be my eyes and ears around me. Report back to me. And together, we’ll find a way to make you human again. Like you where before Rize’s kakgune was placed in your body. You are family after all, like she used to be.”
Rize? The Washuu knows about what happened to the Binge eater? And… Family? Her too? How much of Haise’s life, of Kaneki’s life, had been destroyed because of the Washuu clan?
Haise feels nauseous. These people has known everything about him for the past two years, where Haise has been completely defenseless against them. Now, they’re feeding him information, just to gain the upper hand on their special weapon. The white reaper himself?
But Haise can’t turn bac now. He has to do this. For Uta, and Yomo, and Touka and Hinami. For Nishiki and Kimi and their unborn child.
“Leave it to me.”
He doesn’t remember leaving the office. Doesn’t know when he returned him. Because the questions are running wildly through his head. Son. V. Ghoul. Rize.
Son. V. Ghoul. Rize.
Son.
V.
Ghoul.
Rize.
***
“I still don’t like it” Yomo complains, without any real power.
“Relax” Kaneki grins, “I won’t be alone in there. When I’ve gotten the deal sorted out, and talked to the Washuu, I’ll contact Juuzou Suzuya. A fellow Ghoul investigator I’ve worked with many times before. He is known for being a great friend of Sasaki’s, and just like myself, Tsuneyoshi Washuu himself inducted us both as Ghoul investigators. Juuzou is a little unstable, but more loyal to his friends than to the CCG as an organization.”
“Suzuya?” Uta asks just as Yomo points out that: “One person isn’t enough.”
Kaneki looks between them both and chuckles, “Suzuya has a squad for himself, loyal only to him. And… “ Then to Uta, “Used to work under Big Madam, under the name of Rei Suzuya.”
Uta who usually shows no emotions gets big eyes, shock written across his face, “You’ve gotten yourself weird friends while you were an investigator” he points out.
Kaneki shrugs, “Says the Quinx’s mask maker?”
***
“Haiseee!” Juuzou bumps right into Haise’s chest, arms thrown around him tightly. Haise returns the it kindly, feeling a little more normal having the Associate Special Class clinging to his body. At the age of 22, Juuzou where the only CCG member at the same age as Haise himself, and two ranks higher. But Haise wasn’t jealous, because Juuzou had become his only true friend at the CCG. Not counting Hide of course.
And while that was nice and all, there was one thing even better about Juuzou. He knew about Ken Kaneki, at least, so Haise thought. All signs were pointing in that direction. And even if Juuzou didn’t actually know, Haise had no doubt that his friend was more loyal to him than the CCG.
So, he returns the hug. “Juuzou!” he greets just as kindly, before pulling a chocolate bar out his pocket.
Juuzou releases the hug after another few seconds, takes the chocolate bar and unwraps it. He’s about to take a bit out it when he stops, lowers it, breaks it in half, and hands one half to Haise.
Haise and Juuzou hasn’t worked together since he was infected with Calamity. Juuzou was a friend, but a friend leading a squad - Suzuya Squad – picking up all the cases that the Quinx were unable to go on. Haise appreciates that as much as any visit in the CCG med bay.
“Please…” Juuzou sounds almost heartbroken when Haise lets him hanging, so he takes the half chocolate bar and takes a bit. The creamy caramel fills his mouth, and he hums with contentment. Juuzou lights up and takes a bit of his own half. “Thought you’d like that” he says with a smile that covers his whole face.
Only, Juuzou know about his former inability to eat human food… “Who’d you know?”
Suuzou shrugs and sits on the bench next to Haise. For a moment the man seems clearer than ever before, like he’s actually acting his age. Of course, Haise know Suuzou can be serious. He knows what this man has lost, and what he fears of losing. Shinohara. Still, it takes him a little off guard, “I just had a feeling.”
Haise nods. There’s a softness, and kindness, and purity, an innocence in those eyes. A burning passion of fire. Haise doesn’t want to destroy that and for a moment he isn’t sure he should move on with his plans. Because Juuzou doesn’t have a :RE to go to if things go wrong. Juuzou only has the CCG.
As they sit there eating their chocolate Haise can’t make up his mind, and so, when he finally does – he doesn’t really – he pulls Juuzou up and out the door. Into the busy street of Tokyo, down towards a small park not too far away from the CCG main building. He hopes Juuzou will love it.
“Haise” Juuzou sounds confused and excited, “What’s going on?”
Before Haise knows it he finds himself tumbling into the green grass, Juuzou landing on top of him. They laugh together, the early spring sun warming them. Juuzou searching his pockets as he lays there, finding another few pieces of candy. Gummy bears and chocolate and lollipops and fruity caramels in all the colors of the rainbow and Poiful and chew cubes and jelly beans.
For a while Juuzou sits in the grass, legs folded under him. Throwing pieces of candy into the air and catching them with his mouth. Sometimes he’ll throw a piece of two for Haise, and he finds himself with a jellybean hanging out his nose. It hurts when he laughs, and it flies off like a tiny bullet when he sneezes. Juuzou grins and throws one more in Haise’s direction.
Arima and Akira might have become like Parents to Haise. But it’s Juuzou that will force him to stay with the CCG. Maybe forever.
With that thought Haise sobers up a little and finally takes a mental jump, “Juuzou, can I ask you something a little weird? Uh… personal I guess.”
Juuzou nods, stopping midchew.
“Do you like working with the CCG?” he asks, because Juuzou has to love it. And if Juuzou love it like Haise thinks he loves it, Haise can’t ask him to risk it all for the sake of taking down the Washu.
Juuzou looks into the ground for a long time, then, carefully, shake his head. “Not really?”
It’s more a question than a statement. It takes Haise by surprise. “Then why do you stay?”
“You” it takes Juuzou less than a second to reply. He flushes, meeting Haise’s eyes. Then stumbles into an explanation, “I’ve thought about it, after Shinohara” Juuzou pulls at the stitches down his arms. The red thread twist between his fingers. “He always made me feel welcome, and then he gone, and I never felt truly welcome at the CCG anymore. But then Arima and Akira asked me to work with you, and I thought it was going to be like working with anyone else. But then… it wasn’t. Your my friend Haise. You always give me snacks and stuff. You…” Juuzou looks up and smiles brightly, “You made me that delicious pudding on my birth day, even though you didn’t have to. You are one of the very few people in the CCG that look at me without hatred or disgust. And you needed a friend too, so I stayed.”
Haise feels a few tears flowing from his eyes down his cheeks. Juuzou sees them too. “Is that wrong?”
No. How could that ever be wrong? But Haise can’t make those words come out his mouth. He looks at the candy wrappers in the grass, looks at Juuzou and remembers that first meeting and how the pudding had kept falling apart… Haise says nothing. Just holds out his arms in an open invite and Juuzou bumps into his chest once more.
“You’re a great friend too Juuzou” Haise can feel the man beam against him, “That’s why it breaks my heart to ask you this…”
Haise tells Juuzou about Ken Kaneki, about Rize’s organs being placed inside his body turning him into a half Ghoul. True enough, Juuzou isn’t surprised by that fact, and seems really happy that Haise now remembers that part of him life. Haise tells him about what the Calamity did to his body, and then about the Washuu clan, and about Arima’s secret, and something called V. Haise even mentions the son part. Juuzou listens and says nothing until Haise has nothing more to tell.
Then Juuzou still says nothing, and Haise half expected Juuzou to never talk to him again. But of course Juuzou is more loyal to Haise than the CCG, “I’ll help you” he says, “But only if you help me kill that Dr. Kanou person afterwards.” It’s said with such serosity, that Haise laughs again. It just doesn’t look right on his friend.
“That’s a deal” and then Haise pulls his backpack out, and from it he pulls a mask.
His new mask.
***
“You did what?” Yomo growls at Uta and Kaneki feel suddenly small in a room with the two Ghouls. Yomo doesn’t get angry often, and never attacks friends – with the exception of the night before. But the idea that Uta had not only mailed a book and mask to Sasaki, but also made mask for the Quinx squad to help with an investigator they never ended up starting because of Calamity, is apparently one of the few things in the world that can send the raven into high alert.
Uta appears unfaced by Yomo anger pointed towards him, and casually says that “You would have done the same, if he came to you.”
Yomo sputters in disbelief, “Me? Never. I swore to Touka that I wouldn’t do anything like that. After Tsukiyama came here babbling like crazy. Wanting to pull him back into the Ghoul world… Touka fought like hell to prevent that, and then you go behind everyone’s back and do this?”
“Guys-“
“Kaneki-kun always where a special customer to me” Uta replies calmly in his own defends, “It was nothing but an open invitation. It was Sasaki himself who sought me out, and thanks to that relation, Kaneki came to me when thing started going south.” Yomo relaxes visible at those words.
“Uh, guys, shouldn’t we-“
“The plan, of course” Uta nods, not letting Kaneki finish. The man pulls his back up, a small one that Kaneki had seen him grab on their way out of Uta’s apartment. “If you’re going back in, I have something that you might need. I’ve done my best to incorporate the things we talked about. Haise Sasaki and Ken Kaneki. Ghoul and Human.” Uta pulls a box out the bag, and carefully puts it on the table between them, pushing it towards Kaneki.
Yomo looks between him, but Kaneki ignores it. The mask. It feels like years ago now that he revealed to Uta that he remembered, and that he needed a mask. Now he carefully pulls the lit of the box and unfolds the protective layer of fabric the mask is raped in.
His old one had been made to contrast his human side. Kaneki had been weak, soft, undecisive. The opposite of the Ghoul’s he lived between. The grinning teeth and covered eye with a eyepatch in the mask, had made him into a monster on the surface. And in due time he’d become a monster in personality too. At least, when he wanted to be one.
The new mask is vastly different from the old one.
The new mask it mostly flat, bowing slightly inwards at the edges. It’s made to only cover his face, leaving hir hair and neck free. It’s two toned in the shape of Jing and Jang. Two eye wholes have been carved out, one taking the place of the white dot in the black side, the other carved in the white side. Human and Ghoul. But the surface isn’t just painted. Through the material is carved with neat little circles and patterns. Kaneki recognizes most of them as kanji symbols. It’s delicate and simple. Just what he needed.
Kaneki feels a few tears drip from his eyes, as he looks up he can’t help but smile, “Thank you Uta!”
Yomo nods in approval too as he studies the mask. But Uta isn’t quite finished. Flipping it over the Ghoul points to a set of electronics build into the masks one eye, “You can turn a small LED on and off. I thought you might want to hide the fact that you’re a one-eyed.”
Carefully Kaneki pulls the switch and sure enough, a small red LED glows with great intensity. He pulls the mask on, letting his own kakugan activate. “It’s perfect.”
***
“It’s perfect” Juuzou nods with satisfaction, “Is much more you than the eyepatch mask you used to wear.” Because Juuzou would know. They’d… not fought, but they’d seen each other. Hadn’t they? It was foggy in Haise’s mind, a part of his life filled with cannibalism and pain. Back when Amon was still alive – he still was, Haise knew – and all he wanted to do was stop eating.
“Can I get a mask too?” Juuzou asks as they walk back to the CCG for a meeting.
Haise shrugs, “We can ask Uta when we’ve got time.” He promises.