Chapter Text
It's been 3 weeks.
Sat in front of Pink's throne, Spinel looked up at the ceiling, as she fidgeted with the friendship bracelet around her left wrist.
She had become attached to the place in front of Pink's throne, sitting there more often than not. If anyone needed her, that was where they looked. Spinel didn't like sitting directly on the throne, but she somehow found comfort just near it. Maybe it was because it reminded her of her newfound friendship with Steven? Or maybe she really was just trying to find comfort with the people who hurt her, because, at the very least, it was familiar.
Pink hurt her, but that was because she was also hurting. Had Spinel really just ran into the arms of the gems who hurt everyone, including Pink?
I don't know anymore. I'm somewhat happy. That's enough.
Her eyes wandered to the floor in front of her.
It's a heck of a lot better than what I had before.
She looked at the bracelet.
... It's enough to at least know him. To see him is enough.
Spinel closed her eyes and sighed one of those deep sighs, the ones which are supposed to clear your head and release what you've been thinking of from the vices of your mind.
She rested her head and back against the front of the throne. She wasn't seeking sympathy or even company, she just needed to spend some time to herself. Which really surprised her.
The last thing she thought she needed was more alone time. Spending 6000 years alone after pretty much spending everyday with someone she adored and respected was a huge shift and it wasn't easy. She always thought that Pink would be coming back, so it wasn't like she had any doubts that would lead her to stop playing the game. All she would think, day and night during those 6000 years, was what could possibly be keeping Pink from returning sooner? Maybe she had some really important mission? She just got her first colony! Give her a break, maybe she's swept up by her work! If she needed Spinel's help, she would've come for it, but clearly she's much more independent now- and Spinel should be happy for her!
Spinel actually felt so happy that Pink was gone. She loved her. She loved Pink more than anything, Pink was literally all she knew. But Pink never cared for her in the same way. Pink left Spinel with scars and trauma, and never looked back. Or did she? That possibility would be nice, but she didn't at all expect it to be true. Pink didn't want her, she didn't really want anyone. She was just given everything except what she wanted, which was, quite literally, the world.
Yet, was Pink actually interested in the freedom of the humans, or did she just see them as another lowly life form which she wanted to inspect? To play with? Despite Spinel's unchanging love for Pink, she could admit to Pink's arrogance. She would frequently end up being on the receiving end of Pink's arrogance through belittlement and a myriad of small, seemingly innocent insults, which had just shattered Spinel's self esteem one at a time.
Maybe Spinel was arrogant too, though. When she found out that humans and the Earth was what Pink had left her for, she felt insulted. What could they offer that Spinel couldn't? Did they even care about Pink? Did they ever thank her for practically saving their lives and planet? Pink surely would've cared for compliments, she practically lived for validation.
Spinel opened her eyes to stare at the ceiling. Pink was always self-centred, and that was undeniable. Spinel could see that now, but she never would've thought about it before. Never would have dreamed. Pink was perfect in everyone's eyes, including Spinel's. Pink's huge ego only made it harder for Spinel to please her. Before she got her colony, Pink would usually be very caring towards Spinel, but after she got Earth everything changed. Pleasing Pink was never-ending torture, and Spinel was subjected to it so often.
Now that she had freedom to do what she wanted, she realised how much time she wasted catering to Pink's emotions and desires, listening to her lies and being in her presence. It was not only exhausting, but it was pointless. It wasn't like Spinel could've done anything to change Pink's situation, and as much as she was happy to listen to Pink vent her emotions, it was so dramatic sometimes. Pink just needed someone to tell her that. And everyone was below her, so no one could.
So much time wasted.
"We really are just as flawed as everything else." Spinel marvelled.
Well, I'm wasting time just sitting here thinking about things I can't change, she thought, as she stood up and stretched her arms, I should go and find something to do.
She had already pretty much extensively searched every nook and cranny in Homeworld, seeing how different everything was—which was very. Old buildings had been knocked down, new buildings had replaced them. Gems were everywhere, talking and doing whatever they felt like, new fusions in at least every area, travelling around just as she was.
As she reached the first step down the stairs, Spinel looked back at the throne. Maybe she should go to Earth. She hadn't really taken a good look at what Pink left her for, as she had tried to destroy it. Perhaps it was time for her to go back and apologise to it. Planets can't hear you, but maybe it will bring her peace of mind.
With that, she made up her mind. She set down the stairs quickly (so she couldn't chicken out) and continued to the warp pad. With every step and double-step she reached closer and closer to the warp pad, causing her to remember her last visit to Earth. She felt a mix of embarrassment and warmth as she remembered Steven taking care of her after she was... incapacitated. She stopped just before the warp pad.
Her feelings were exactly the same as they had always been: she was still in love. Originally it had scared her. The last time she had felt so strongly towards someone, admiring someone so much, it was Pink. Pink had responded by leaving her, with no closure as to why.
Would Steven do the same?
That's why she vowed to never tell anyone. She was so afraid of being hurt again that she would rather never be honest. If it meant losing him, she would never do it. It wasn't healthy nor particularly right, but it was all she felt she could do to preserve her fragile heart. Spinel wasn't content with staying friends forever, but it was comfortable, and that was all she needed. She wasn't about to be greedy.
The idea that she may have said something that night was so horrific that she would rather deny it and imagine that she said something different. Steven didn't seem entirely done with or scared of her after that night, so maybe she didn't say that after all? Maybe he forgot she said something entirely.
She suddenly didn't feel so confident about going back. The intrusive 'what-if's' had completely overridden her mind, and she visibly tensed up.
This was not a good idea.
It's fine— It'll all be fine— all I have to do is not mention it! Just don't mention it and he won't either! Hopefully. I probably won't even see him! He's probably all busy doing his thing, whatever that is…
She slowly took a step onto the warp pad.
Please please please go well…
Steven had thrown himself into his work again. It became a common occurrence, especially since the official launch of Little Homeschool. Now that he actually had an excuse for running from his thoughts, he took it at every opportunity.
Already he was overwhelmed by a lot of things: trying to balance his new powers, keeping relationships, helping new gems, losing people he cared about, being worried about past gems coming back to kill him- the world seemed to be against him.
Usually when he became overwhelmed he would indulge in someone, usually Connie, but since she was pretty much always unavailable, he had to internalise everything.
"And here's where we keep all our lilies," Steven said, extending his arm towards the patch of beautiful white flowers, "In culture, a lily can represent love and purity, but it's also a great flower for pollination for insects." His students quickly took notes for his explanation on lilies, but his heart wasn't in it. There really was too much going on.
"Wow, I didn't know lilies were so important!" one of his students said, with others agreeing with them.
Steven chuckled, "Yeah, but all flowers are important. Why don't you all find a flower in the greenhouse and do an individual report on it? You can present it any way you want!" All the students cheered and scattered, rushing to find a flower.
Once all the students started searching, Steven sighed. One of those sighs which are supposed to clear your head and release what you've been thinking of from the vices of your mind.
I should start checking on these flowers myself. He started on the bed of flowers closest to him: forget-me-not's.
As he knelt down to inspect them, he saw how they had not been watered in a while. When he looked at the schedule below the bed and attached to the side, he saw that he was correct. Steven reached out to a watering can underneath the bed, causing something to roll down his wrist.
It was the bracelet he had made with Spinel. He forgot he was wearing it. He forgot that he even made it with her.
Spinel. He hadn't thought about her in a while. Steven had just been so caught up with work he had completely forgot about her.
He hoped she didn't think he was avoiding her- he knew Spinel could reach that conclusion pretty quickly because of her past. He felt awful that she may be thinking that, especially since it was far from the truth; Steven enjoyed it the last time they were together.
Then he remembered what happened when they spent time together. The bracelet making, her looking through his room, and... the week before that...
Oh. He blushed as he remembered the week before. The party Amethyst had brought them to ended up with Spinel drunk. Steven had to defend her from some random guy, and she had...
Spinel had said she had a crush on him.
Steven's face had immediately flushed bright red, like one of the roses in the greenhouse.
Someone then tapped Steven on his shoulder, causing him to visibly jump and turn quickly. He even accidentally turned pink, as he usually did when startled nowadays.
"Woah, Steven! Are you okay?"
Steven sighed. It was just Peridot. Crisis averted. His pinkness promptly disappeared for now.
"Yeah, I'm fine. I think uh.. the greenhouse is just really warm! Ahaha.. yeah. I'm just gonna take a step out, okay?" He wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. Steven only prayed that Peridot didn't question him— this was so embarrassing.
Peridot gave him a strange look. "I'm here to take over. It's one o'clock?"
Steven sighed, "Oh! Oh right. Yeah. Thanks."
Steven never thought he could hear better news. After he informed Peridot on what he told the class to do, he gave his goodbyes and left the greenhouse.
Once he closed the glass door, he let out a sigh of relief. He was so glad it wasn't someone like Spinel who tapped his shoulder. Then again, why would it have been Spinel? Steven doubted that Spinel even knew about this greenhouse, and would actually even want to go inside.
He shook his head. It was apparently already 1pm, so he should go and get something to eat before his 2pm class. After that class were two others, and then he had to go over schedules and mark work. He sighed. It wasn't easy, nor wanted, but it was a distraction. That's all he needed.
As Steven hung up his white apron and grabbed his jacket from the rack outside the greenhouse, he felt someone tap his shoulder. I hope this doesn't take too long.
Steven sighed, "Can I help you?", as he turned around to face whoever tapped him, still pulling on his pink varsity jacket.
"Woah, Steven! You really do look tired! Are you okay?"
Steven opened his eyes with alarm as he fully turned to face the person, or gem, who spoke.
It was Spinel.
Spinel looked at Steven with concern. The eyebags he had were clearly trying to be covered up but were very visible, and the slump he carried was unnatural for him. What have they been doing to him?
"O-Oh! Spinel! Wh-what're you doing here?" Steven winced at his attempt to not sound surprised.
She cocked her head. He doesn't seem okay. "I just thought I'd come and say hi. I haven't looked around your town yet, so I thought it would be nice to explore! I've already looked around Homeworld, like, a hundred times. I came here as a starting point, since you showed me it last time, although it wasn't as popular as it seems to be now! I saw you come out of that glass box and thought I would say hi. We haven't talked in 3 weeks, y'know?"
Immediate guilt came over Steven again. "Oh, yeah I didn't think I'd seen you in a while. I'm really sorry— I've been really busy here, and—"
"No, it's fine, don't worry!" Steven looked at her with disbelief.
"It's fine? Are you sure?"
Spinel looked at him with sincerity "Yeah, I don't expect you to spend all your time with me!" As much as I'd like you to . "Are you okay though? You look reeeally tired. I think you should go take it easy for the day."
Steven smiled, She's worried about me, "Oh— I'm okay, I just have a lot to do today."
Spinel didn't look like she believed him. "Maybe you should take the day off. You look almost as bad as the day I tried to kill you!" A bad memory, but she was putting it as bluntly as possible. Spinel was still getting used to the whole "being honest and not lying to save feelings" thing— being harsh was expected.
Steven only shook his head in denial, "I can't just take the day off—"
"Why not?"
Steven blinked at her. "It's not as simple as just cancelling everything I have to do and walking away for the day!"
"Why not? You look dead!" Spinel came a little closer to him and held out her hands. "How about I put it like this: either, you stay here and bring yourself close to death, missing out on a fun day with your good ol’ pal Spinel, orrr , you come and spend the day with me, where you can have fun and not have to worry about your boring, dull, unfun work for the day?"
Steven looked between her pleading eyes and outstretched hands. It, admittedly, was tempting. He really didn't like what the day had for him, but if he didn't do it today, he would eventually have to do it. Delaying work was only delaying the inevitable.
However, he could always do that work another day. When was the opportunity for him to spend time with Spinel going to come back up? Sure, she would probably always be free, but when would he?
"I could always cancel today's lessons... and the schedules and work can always be looked over another time... or by one of the gems..."
"Sooooooo...?"
Steven sighed. "Okay," he took her hands, "I yield. What do you wanna do?"
Spinel squealed with happiness as she clasped his hands tightly.
Spinel hoped she was coming off normally—whatever her "normal" is. Once she had seen Steven in the distance through the glass of the greenhouse walls, she froze in panic and jumped behind the closest hiding place: an incredibly thin tree. Luckily, her stretchiness allowed her to warp her shape to perfectly fit against the tree. She had been there for a while, panic only rising further as she heard the greenhouse door close and Steven's sigh. She peeked her head out, and that was when she saw how awfully tired and drained he looked. At that point she could put her pride aside and focus on trying to cheer up her best friend. Not even just her best friend— she loved him. This is her job as the one who loves him. If no one else in the world is going to cheer him up, then it was all up to Spinel— and she was more than happy to take that role!
"I dunno, I haven't been around this place before, silly! That's why I'm here! Maybe you could give me a personalised tour of.. wherever we are!" She gave him a shy look, to which he chuckled. Spinel felt her gem glow with happiness, he laughed! Score!
"Sure, Spinel. First off, we're in a town called 'Beach City'. This is where I grew up. Let's get out of Little Homeworld and we can start at the boardwalk."
Spinel giggled, "Hehe, okay!" She took one of her hands back and thrust it into the air, fist balled. "Let's get going!"
Steven laughed again at her antics. She really could be fun. It was almost like those 3 weeks didn't happen; they were timeless friends. Just like me and Connie. Steven frowned as he remembered his best friend. He shook his head. No. Today I'm spending time with Spinel. I'm not going to think about anything, or anyone, else. I'm having fun today.
“This is the boardwalk, where pretty much everything is. Over there’s the—”
“Wow, look at that!”
Before Steven could finish, he was already being thrown around the boardwalk looking at all the things Spinel saw that moved. It took all his strength to not lose grip of her hand as she sped around, admiring things as small as a dropped fry. They both came to a sudden screeching halt, confusing Steven, whose eyes were still spinning.
“Wh-why have we stopped?” He panted. When he received no reply, he shook his head and looked at Spinel worried. “Spinel?”
She suddenly let go of his hand, and crouched down, looking intently at something straight ahead of her. When Steven followed her gaze, he saw that she was staring into the eyes of a small seagull. He crouched down to her level, “Spinel?”
They both watched as the seagull turned abruptly left and right, taking a few steps forward and backward. Steven only stopped looking when he heard sniffles coming from next to him. When he turned to look at Spinel, she was crying deep sobs.
“Spinel?! What’s wrong?” Spinel turned and looked at him slowly.
“It gets me, Steven! That winged thing gets me! It understands!” She wailed, and fell into his arms.
He blinked.
“What do you mean it gets you? The seagull?”
“Sure, that thing! I don’t know what it’s called— all I know is that it understands me and I tried to kill it!” Spinel booed.
The loud wailing Spinel kept producing caused the seagull to look directly at her, which only caused her cry even harder and louder than she previously had. If that was even possible, he thought.
Once the situation finally dawned on Steven that Spinel was currently wailing in his arms over her new-found connection with a random seagull, and that people started to look at them funny as they walked past, he realised that he should start calming her down. “Spinel, I’m sure that the seagull isn’t upset at you for trying to kill it.”
Spinel took a deep sniffle and looked at Steven with big, doe eyes, “R-really? Are you sure?”
He smiled at her, “I’m sure. Just look at him! He’s doing great over there.”
Spinel took another glance over at the seagull. The bird was still staring over at them, but without a thought behind its eyes. Spinel seemed to take comfort in the unthinking eyes, to Steven’s relief, and wiped at her eyes. "Yeah, I think you're right," she laughed.
Once she calmed down, Spinel realised that she was currently draped in Steven’s arms against his chest and yelped, jumping out of his hold. Spinel quickly, and unflatteringly, scrambled onto her feet and dusted herself off with an accompanying deep scarlet blush on her face.
He noticed the blush, and he couldn't help but smile at her adorable embarrassment. He still remembered what she said, all those weeks ago. The joy he felt at seeing her be a stuttering, blushing mess over him made him feel… so overwhelmingly happy. He felt wanted, desired. Who wouldn't enjoy that feeling? After everything he'd been through, through the self loathing Steven felt choked by day and night, it made him feel special— but not like how everyone else thought Steven was special. Spinel didn't treat Steven like this because of anything else other than who he was, and what he did to make her feel wanted all those months ago when she was enacting her revenge on him. It was undeniable that they had grown a connection over her trauma, but since Spinel had gone off with the diamonds they had been left on an awkward sense of relatability. They knew they had similar scars, but Spinel had gone looking for ways to heal. Steven hadn't. Now that he had a connection with Spinel, he never wanted to let go. What had possessed him to leave her alone for weeks when this feeling of belonging was so intoxicating?
Connie never gave him this. They had always been partners— always been jam buds. She had never relied on Steven because she was always very self-sufficient. Now, Steven needed someone to rely on him, to make him feel useful. Spinel was perfect for him. She already had just collapsed into him after crying about a seagull— what other things could he get her to fall on him for?
Could he make her completely rely on him for everything?
Spinel was still fussing over herself from embarrassment.
"Spinel," he spoke, softly. She spun around and smiled innocently, as if she hadn't been doing anything strange. He stood, and extended his hand to her. The friendship bracelet rolled down his wrist.
"Let's stay together from now on, okay?"
He was smiling. Spinel looked at his eerily warm smile, at his hand and at the bracelet.
Spinel decided to ignore the smile, and took his hand.
"Always!"