Chapter Text
The first night of sleep in a different place is always the worst. He couldn’t get comfortable no matter how hard he tried. It was better with his boyfriend to him, but both of them could not fit on this tiny twin bed. They could’ve pushed the two beds together but that would’ve caused Ocean to become suspicious.
He could hear her dumb speech already
“Are you two dating? You know god wouldn’t approve of this.” Her face contorted in disgust. “I’m going to tell the principal about this and both of you will pay!”
Okay, he was over-exaggerating. She wouldn’t tell a teacher about them, but that was the basic gist of all of her speeches. Loud, annoying, and unnecessary.
He couldn’t breathe that well. Mischa’s hands were wrapped around his chest, tightly hugging him. Sweat covered his body making everything sticky and humid. Why was it humid in Canada? They didn’t even live anywhere near a lake or maybe there was one and he missed it when they were driving over here. He hated this stupid cabin. There were bugs everywhere and it was hot and Little Miss Democracy Rocks won’t shut up.
He slowly rose from the cramped bed, careful to not wake up his boyfriend. He didn’t want Mischa to worry about his sudden absence, but he always did. He worried about everything. He worried about grades, Talia, his sickly mother, and his nihilistic boyfriend. Noel didn’t mind the worrying when it first started, but now it seems he’s kind of like a helicopter parent and since he learned about his seizures he’ll be like an itch you just can’t reach.
“Are you sure you want to wear that? What if someone from school sees you in it and you get beat up again? I do not want that to happen to you, поет.”
“Everyone at school knows I’m gay it’s fine,
Misch.”
“But-“
“I’ll change if you really want me to .”
“I just worry about you.”
“I know.”
“It’s just mascara what’s wrong with it?”
“I worry about you! I do not want you to get hurt.”
“Can I not make my own decisions? What if I want to get beaten up until my mouth is bloody? I would trade that for the small amount of happiness I get when I wear shit like this?”
“I want you to be happy.”
“Then why won’t you let me?”
“Poet.”
“Fine , I’ll take it off.”
“I do not think we should go out for our date. I think the town is beginning to catch on to us.”
“You’re being paranoid again.”
“Please listen to me, моя пелюстка троянди.”
“We have had this conversation a million times before what do you want me to do? Can I not be myself? Why are you so fucking paranoid all the time ? You worry about everything and everyone. I get it you want me to be safe, but I just can’t do this anymore. I’d rather get beaten to a pulp than hide myself. You act like my mom sometimes. She’s always telling me to tone it down and now you’re doing it too.”
“I love you so much. And I care about you. I know you do not want that to happen to you. I saw how much it affected you when Jake and his friends did it to you. You were in pain. I do not want you to be in pain again. I love you.”
“Okay. I love you too.”
He opened the door to the room hoping it wouldn’t creak loudly, luckily it didn’t. He carefully walked down each step. He didn’t want anyone to know he was awake, especially Ocean. She always went into some speech about what he was doing wrong.
He was always doing things wrong.
He ran out of the cabin into the night. He didn’t get that far just until the cabin was kind of out of sight. The cool night air made the hairs stick up on the back of his neck, but it was so refreshing. He needed to get out of that small cabin. The cold air filled his lungs. It was so freeing and light. He needed to get away from the choir. He loved his boyfriend, but sometimes he feels like Mischa has been less romantic and more controlling. Does he love his boyfriend? Yes, obviously. But if Mischa tells him what he can and can’t do one more time he is going to snap and break up with him on the spot. And he can tell some of them are catching on. Ocean specifically, but Penny has been staring at him more. He didn’t know if that’s because of the relationship of the seizures. Kids always thought we was weird when he told them. A couple of particularly rude kids would fake one in front of him, foaming mouth and everything.
He didn’t have the heart to tell them that they were completely wrong and this was kind of embarrassing for them.
But if it was about the relationship if Penny knows then Ricky knows, and if Ocean suspects something that means Constance knows about her suspicion.
So their secret is probably out.