Chapter Text
The owl waited impatiently at the edge of the window, still tapping its beak on the glass.
As soon as Sirius snapped out of the trance, he opened the window with a smooth wave of his hand without the use of his wand.
The owl landed on the dining table, and once Sirius untied the letter from its paw, it cooed in annoyance and flew off.
"Definitely from the Ministry," Remus contemplated as he eyed the official stamp that closed the letter.
Before he opened it, Sirius looked up at him.
“Do you think it is…”
"Open it up and let's see," Remus interrupted quickly, feeling the excitement tighten in his stomach.
Sirius took a deep breath and with slightly shaking hands, pulled out the letter and read it quickly.
While Remus was anxiously chewing on his thumbnail and when he saw that the other marauder still had his eyes glued to the inky words, he asked impatiently:
"So?"
After a pause, Sirius looked up at him and beamed.
“Amelia did it. The trial will be held on July 22”
Remus let out a sigh he didn't know he was holding and ran his hands over his face, feeling his own smile grow.
“Thank God,” he whispered gratefully.
Sirius felt over the moon, the heaviness of a few minutes before seemed to have left the room. He would have had the opportunity to be found innocent. He could have legally become Harry's guardian and there would have been no more need to hide.
However a hypothesis crossed his mind at that precise moment, wiping the smile from his face.
"Moony..."
"Hm?" Remus murmured happily again but when he saw the concern on the other man's face, the smile dissipated.
"….What's wrong?"
"What... what happens if they don't declare me innocent?"
The words seem to hit the werewolf with the force of a speeding train
"It is not possible." he immediately said “they have veritaserum and there are witnesses that saw Peter-“
“Snape would rather die than help me and we don't know if Dumbledore would be willing to testify. He knows if I come out innocent, Harry will never set foot in the Dursleys again”
"Snape is a bloody member of the order, he will testify by force if necessary and Dumbledore fucking helped you escape so he can't back down now"
A small smile crept across Sirius' face but he knew that no matter how persuasive Remus could be when he wanted something, no one could assure him that he would walk out of that courtroom a free man.
“You know better than me that Dumbledore will do anything to gain control of the board. He's going to make a mess when he finds out we have Harry, let alone ask him to help us officially take custody."
Remus groaned in frustration. He knew Sirius was right. He hated how complicated everything had gotten. Why couldn't the world just let them live in peace?
He wanted to say something, anything to convince Sirius, or perhaps himself, that it would all work out, but luck had never been on the Marauders' side and Remus knew all too well how quickly things could get messed up.
"Listen…" Sirius began cautiously "I may…I may as well give up. I don’t care"
"Pads-"
“I mean really, I don't give a shit about being found innocent by a bunch of idiots. The people I care about already know the truth and that's more than enough for me, but I can't leave Harry again, I just can't."
The Remus of a few years ago would have laughed at the hope. Mocking and malicious. He had hoped the war would end and… yes, for a while it had, but wasn't the price he had to pay in return just what he was afraid the war would take away from him? He'd hoped that Harry would be happy at the Dursleys', only to find out that wasn't the case at all, and he'd hoped that Sirius would come back to him one day and…he did. And now? Could he have hoped for more?
“I know you're scared of losing Harry but that's not going to happen. You have Amelia and Kingsley on your side, who are 2 of the most influential members of the Wizengamot, and there is still time until the 22nd to prepare a defense.”
“But without Peter…”
“Fuck Peter, we don't need him. We will use the pensieve.”
Sirius still looked hesitant until Remus walked over and put his hands on his shoulders.
They looked at each other for a moment without saying anything. When was the last time they had been so close?
“The Ministry has already taken so much from you Sirius…you are entitled to freedom and you are entitled to an apology at the very least. We have Harry now, it's true, but that won't change with the outcome of the trial."
He squeezed his shoulders lightly.
“Just…allow yourself to desire something for a moment ”
There was a moment of silence.
"I don't want to lose you again"
“And it won't happen. I promise you"
Sirius snorted as he stared at the floor to Remus' left, trying to hide the clarity in his eyes.
"Do not make promises you can’t keep"
"I don’t do it"
A tear made its way down Sirius' cheek without his permission and Remus, without even thinking about it, wiped it away with his thumb. The feel of Sirius' warm skin on his palms took him back to simpler years, when he thought he was the luckiest man alive to have Sirius Black in all his fragility and humanity inches away. And then the realization hit him: he still thought it.
Sirius snapped his attention back to Remus as his hand still lingered on his skin and their gazes locked, neither daring to blink for fear it would all fade away. Sirius could feel Remus' warm breath blow lightly across his face so, as the animagus's heart beat like a drum, he moved slightly closer to the werewolf, expecting him to duck, but he didn't.
They remained like that for a few seconds, basking in each other's beauty until Remus slightly tightened his grip on Sirius' face and cast a lust-filled look at his lips.
The distance narrowed further and when only a few millimeters of space remained and time seemed to have paused, a chirping made both robbers jump and they quickly moved away from each other.
"Holy shit," Sirius gasped, putting a hand to his heart in fear. He looked briefly at Remus and noticed that his cheeks were painted a lovely shade of red.
Suddenly he remembered what was about to happen and couldn't help but feel immense annoyance at whatever had interrupted them, only to then notice the presence of a white owl perched on the dining table preening its feathers.
"Oh Hedwig..." sighed Sirius trying to compose himself "if you flew from England all the way here you must surely be hungry"
Remus cleared his throat awkwardly, running a hand through his curly hair still matted from the bed.
“I-I'll get some food from the basement,” he quickly offered as he literally ran out of the room.
Sirius moaned in defeat, trying to calm his racing heart. He walked over to the table and stroked the owl with the back of his finger.
“You know Hedwig, your timing is really shitty”
Obviously the owl responded by biting him.
.
.
.
When Harry woke up, for one blissful, wonderful, incredible second he remembered nothing of the night before, but then, when he looked out the window, it all came back to him. The nightmare, the hot chocolate, falling asleep in Sirius' arms. Thinking back on all this, an unfamiliar feeling of warmth invaded his chest. No one had ever put him back to bed like Sirius had and no one had ever made him a 3am hot cocoa after waking up from a nightmare like Remus had.
He probably should have told the marauders what had happened the night before they came to take him from that crap house. It was the least he could do after waking them up in the middle of the night.
The alarm clock read 9:13 in the morning and so, after a deep breath, the teenager left the room and made his way to the living room.
Strangely it was all too quiet. He didn't hear Sirius' singsong voice or Remus' annoyed huffs anywhere.
In fact, upon entering the living room, he found no one there. However, his eyes immediately fell on the white plumage of her owl leaning near the window.
“Hedwig!” He called enthusiastically extending his arm to fly on it.
The owl wasted no time and immediately flew over to Harry, nuzzling his face affectionately.
"She's a fast owl"
Harry jumped at the sudden voice and spun around just in time to see Sirius come down the stairs from upstairs. He had his hair tied up in a messy bun held together by his wand and still had his red and black checked pajama bottoms and baggy t-shirt that looked eerily like one of Remus's.
"I woke you up?"
“Nah, I only closed my eyes for 2 seconds. Remus and I were chatting until some hours ago"
Harry began to feel guilt gnaw at his stomach.
"So you couldn't fall asleep after I woke you up?"
"No no honey, it's not your fault" he said quickly Sirius "we just found a few things to talk about"
With these words the boy's anxiety seems to calm down a bit.
“Is Moony upstairs too?”
Sirius looked slightly uncomfortable even though he tried to hide it with his nonchalant attitude.
"He went for a walk down to the village... he uhm... we talked about something and he needed to think about it"
Harry raised a curious eyebrow as Hedwig gently nibbled on a tuft of his hair.
Sirius panicked momentarily, so he tried to divert the conversation.
“How about a nice breakfast?”
The teenager narrowed his eyes.
“yeah…sure. Great idea,” he said suspiciously.
Sirius chuckled and playfully pushed Harry over to the kitchen table, inwardly breathing a sigh of relief.
"Nosy"
“Aren't you the one who said that to solve problems you have to talk about them?” Harry asked as he set the table and Sirius put two slices of bread in the toaster.
“And I still think so”
Harry huffed slightly "what I mean" he started fiddling with a napkin after sitting down "is that I know it can be hard to talk about sometimes and the fact that I'm 14 probably doesn't help my point much but..." he lifted it slightly look to notice that Sirius was now leaning against the kitchen counter, giving him his full attention, "you and Moony have been so understanding and kind to me and I want you to know that I'm here too if…if you want to talk about it"
There were a couple of seconds of silence where Harry had the awful feeling that he'd gone too far and looked like a nosy or something but then a gentle hand ruffled his hair and when he looked up he saw the warm and bright smile of his godfather.
“Thank you pup”
Harry smiled back and then they started eating breakfast.
As they were about to finish, the front door slammed against the wall.
Sirius immediately rose to his feet ready to grab his wand but just before he could a Remus with wind-blown curls and panting appeared in the kitchen doorway holding a letter in one hand as he dropped to his knee with the other to resume breath.
"He knows."
“Shit” the other marauder whispered as he grabbed the letter.
Sirius' jaw tightened as he began to read the piece of paper. Harry looked confused between the two men not understanding what was going on and why they were both so flustered.
He decided to wait a few seconds in the hope that one of the two adults would deign to share some information with him but he soon began to lose patience.
“Who knows what?” he asked slightly annoyed, trying to be nonchalant though.
Remus turned to the teenager with an expression akin to pity, not a good sign.
"Harry… listen, Dumbledore-"
"Bullshits!" cursed Sirius as he crumpled the letter in his hands and tossed it in the wastebasket. "That old fucker still thinks he has a say after all that's suc-"
"Pads-"
"And what's more, he also dares to claim that-"
"Siri-"
"Who the fuck thinks he's-"
“SIRIUS!” yelled Remus.
"WHAT?" Sirius answered just as loudly, annoyed at being interrupted.
"Do I have to remind you that Harry is here with us or will you stop and calm down?"
As Sirius' eyes darted to the now completely silent teenager, almost trying to sink into his chair so as not to be seen, he mentally cursed himself for losing his temper like that so he tried to take a deep breath even though he could still hear the anger boiling in the stomach like a fire just fueled by gasoline.
"I'm sorry Harry, really, but you see..." he pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration "Dumbledore is-"
" Sirius… " Remus said warningly at the same time Harry asked "Does the letter come from Dumbledore?"
This time Remus spoke up:
“Remember when we told you that for now it was best to keep a low profile and not share our location?”
Harry nodded slowly
“The reason we thought that was not only because of Voldemort's return but also because there are people who would like you at the Dursleys right now”
Harry frowned and tried to make sense of the story.
"Are you saying that Dumbledore-" Harry began softly only to be interrupted by Sirius "Yes Harry, Dumbledore's pissed because he thinks you should be at the Dursleys'”
“But that doesn't make sense…” the teenager tries again, “why should it matter where I live?”
"Well, he obviously cares since he's ordering us to take you back there"
Harry's heart skipped a beat and the next few words died in his throat.
His brain began to spiral, a thousand thoughts intertwining with each other. Usually, when Dumbledore wanted something, he got it.
The teenager cleared his throat, finding his voice: "Maybe he don't know-"
"He knows, Harry," Sirius replied firmly, "he always knew."
Harry snapped his mouth shut. Stomach upside down. "No... it's not possible" he tried to keep his voice stable and decisive, despite the lump in his throat that had formed without his consent, "he helped me, he got me out of trouble-"
Sirius snorted in frustration "and who was the person that got you in trouble in the first place hm?"
Harry began to feel anger building in his chest like a storm about to break loose. How could Sirius say this sort of thing about Dumbledore with such confidence?
"You don't understand," the teenager whispered, crossing his arms over his chest and staring at a random spot on the table. His eyes starting to itch.
Sirius, on the other hand, was in no better mood. The name Dumbledore had become a dirty word in his vocabulary. The man wasn't bad, he knew that, he too fought to defeat Voldemort but the problem was that, while Sirius had lost piece by piece of his life, Dumbledore had gained. He had manipulated Remus, he had manipulated James and Lily and he had manipulated him too until there was nothing left of either of them, just dust and pain at best, and he'll be damned for eternity if he lets that happen to Harry.
“Then help me do it! Why are you trying so hard to defend him?” the animagus nearly screamed
“Sirius!” Remus yelled, having noticed Harry's fists clenching under the table and his eyes watering. "You are not helping!"
“I just want to understand what Dumbledore did so amazing for deserving so much respect. Where was he when-"
"AND WHERE WERE YOU?" Harry exploded looking up at Sirius. "Where were you when I needed you?"
Sirius was immediately silenced. His expression has become dull, guilty.
His mouth moved without forming words, the air rushing out but not seeming to want to come back.
"He was there! HE WAS THERE” Harry continued with tears threatening to fall but with all the strength he held back “If-if he had known what was going on at the Dursleys I'm sure he would have gotten me out of there somehow”
However his confidence seemed to dissipate as quickly as a blown out match as Remus seemed sorry and Sirius had that goddam pitying look as if he were a small child who still believed the story of Santa Claus.
Sirius tried to ignore the twinge of pain caused by the teenager's words because the kid was right, perhaps Dumbledore had destroyed his life but he couldn't expect Harry to share that hatred when the man had probably been one of the few kind adult figures with him.
There was no time to think about what to do or what to say because Harry had leapt up causing the feet of his chair to scrape loudly against the floor and had run into the bedroom.
Sirius started walking to follow him and try to clean up the mess he had just made but an arm opposed between him and the kitchen entrance.
"I'll handle that. You've done enough already.”
Remus' cold, disappointed tone cut the air in the room, leaving Sirius paralyzed in the middle of the room as the other marauder went upstairs to fix a damage he'd fed himself.
"Bloody idiot" he whispered to himself as he sat down in a chair as his legs threatened to no longer support his weight.
.
.
.
Remus took a deep breath before knocking on Harry's door and waiting for an answer. When he didn't arrive, he tried again:
“Harry, it's me. Can I come in please?"
A faint sound of agreement came from within as the werewolf twisted the handle and entered Harry's room.
As soon as his eyes fell on the young wizard, his heart ached for him. He was sitting on the carpet with his back against the bedside table and his knees almost close to his chest. Though he denied eye contact it didn't take a genius to notice the cheeks flushed slightly from likely hastily wiping away tears before Remus entered.
“Can I sit next to you?” Remus asked softly.
Harry looked at him for a fleeting moment before nodding and bringing his knees slightly closer to his chest.
Remus sat across from him, silently thanking the fact that the full moon was still far enough away that it wouldn't hurt his joints.
"How are you?"
Harry rolled his eyes even though internally he was surprised by the request. He expected some sort of moral or rebuke, not kindness.
“Really great” he replied with a shrug.
"Yeah…stupid question but…listen, I know right now it may seem otherwise but Sirius didn't want to make you feel guilty or blame you for trusting Dumbledore," he whispered softly. "He…” He made a pause “we have unfinished business with him"
Harry lowered his knees slightly allowing Remus to see his full face. Green eyes that looked at him waiting for other words.
Remus sighed softly, searching for the right words.
"Listen Harry, Dumbledore is not a bad man, he simply wishes to achieve his goal even if it means hurting those who are allies."
This was probably the biggest euphemism of the century because Dumbledore doesn't had wounded him, no, he had killed him. Slowly. Mercilessly. As if all of Remus' life or James and Lily's were worthless compare to winning the war and it probably was but in Remus' opinion it wasn't right, nothing that had happened was even remotely right.
He knew Remus' weaknesses and he had exploited them all, taking Sirius from him before he was even behind bars in Azkaban and maybe, just maybe, if he hadn't had to keep all those stupid secrets that now seemed so empty and pointless, they wouldn't have accused of being the spy and maybe things would have gone differently.
“Did he hurt you?” Harry asked, looking up slightly.
The marauder pursed his lips, memories of the past still haunting him wherever he went.
“Yes… yes, he did it,” he admitted softly.
That whispered secret seemed to hang in the air around them, a reminder that even miles away from England, there was no escaping.
Harry's eyes were on the carpet, his restless hands hanging from his knees as he spoke:
"So he want me to go back to the Dursleys…right?" the question sounded so desperate it almost made Remus' bones shake.
"Pup... it's a complicated speech-"
“Please,” the teenager begged as he looked up, the simple need to know why he had been forced to go through all that shit for so long.
Remus rubbed the back of his neck as he tried to sort through his thoughts. Was there an easy way to do this?
"There are branches of magic that have their roots in antiquity and are usually the most powerful spells"
Harry nodded, urging Remus to continue.
"When Lily…" he cleared his throat to try to keep his voice steady "when Lily stepped between you and Voldemort, shielding you from the curse, the love in that action was so powerful that it was able to save your life by leaving you with just a scar," he murmured, gently tapping the lightning with his thumb, "and that love isn't something that goes away, it stays with you, as a reminder that even though she's no longer here with you, she loves you so much Harry, more than you can ever imagine.”
Harry gave a watery smile, feeling a soft, warm sensation expand in his chest.
“And that love could be used to offer you further protection by resorting to blood wards. Petunia, being your mother's sister, filled this need and so Dumbledore decided it was a wise choice to place you in their care."
Harry tried to process the information, played it through his mind again and again, trying to understand Dumbledore's reasoning.
“So…after all, Dumbledore wanted me to be safe right? He must have thought Voldemort's threat was more dangerous than what was happening to me there."
"And you agree?" Remus asked softly
The teenager bit his lip, the answer immediately projected into his mind but which he didn't want to accept because he was afraid he would look stupid but he was terrified of the Dursleys.
Voldemort might be the scariest dark wizard of all time but the Dursleys had been the monsters in his life since he was a kid, those people who made him feel so insignificant he choked on the feeling that he sucked so it was so much difference dying at the hands of one rather than the other?
Right now he'd rather run the risk of a Death Eater popping out of the kitchen than stay a second longer in that house so he shook his head slowly, not wanting to meet Remus' eyes, probably surprised at his cowardice or perhaps disappointed that he feared a bunch of normal, average muggles.
"That's why you'll never set foot in that house again," he replied calmly and kindly, meaning every word. "Sirius and me will personally make sure."
Harry couldn't deny the relief that flooded him at the marauder's words but he also couldn't deny that Dumbledore's plan made sense.
"And what will you say to Dumbledore?"
"Oh Harry..." an apprehensive look on his face "the protection in that house never worked"
The teenager frowned in confusion “but you said-“
“I said blood was one of the requirements but without love from the person who has it…it is useless”
“U-useless?” and Remus nodded, placing a hand on his knee for lack of words to improve the situation.
Nothing. He had suffered from Dumbledore's plan for nothing.
"Oh," Harry whispered calm, so softly and defeated that Remus would hardly have heard him were it not for his werewolf hearing.
Him and Sirius had vowed to take things slow. They knew Harry's situation was going to be delicate and in fact it turned out to be even worse than they imagined so they didn't want to lie to him but neither did they want to smother him with all the discoveries and truths that had been kept away from him.
Evidently fate had chosen a different path.
“And Dumbledore knew about it? Did he know it was all for nothing?”
Remus took a deep breath “We…we think so. A wizard of his level should be aware of it.”
Harry pursed his lips and nodded in acceptance, moving his gaze to the carpet, his eyes just watering again.
Bile worked its way up Remus's throat. The thought that they had to destroy one of the teenager's few safe pillars, unavoidable as it was, made him want to vomit. Especially seeing that Harry had no longer fought to defend the figure of the headmaster, almost as if in the end he was expecting a disappointment.
“I trusted him, you know?” he murmured shakily as he looked up at Remus. “I didn't – I never even thought –” A raw sob escaped his lips as the dam broke. "I trusted him," Harry cried.
"Oh Harry…." Remus said painfully as he wrapped the teenager in a hug, letting him cling to him like a lifeline. "I know..." Remus continued to whisper rubbing the back of his neck "I know honey. It's not your fault…it's not"
And while in one room Harry was accepting that he had admired the wrong person, in the living room a dog sat in front of the sofa with his tail between his legs and floppy ears, just hoping to find a solution to all this mess.