Chapter Text
Nami and Usopp look at the calendar, and then at each other. "Maybe we can just do this next week?" Usopp tries. Nami shakes her head and points over her shoulder at Luffy.
"Have you seen that nest? If we wait another week, we'll never get the scissors through it. We may be pirates but we have standards. " She turns on her heel to watch Luffy play a clapping game with Chopper, Zoro snoozing nearby. Sanji's nowhere to be seen, but Nami knows that it'll only take a call from her to summon him.
"You'd think we're torturing him, the way he goes on," Usopp says under his breath as he digs for the scissors. Nami snorts.
"To him, I'm sure it is. You got the scissors?" Usopp holds them up with a defeated expression. "Good. Sanji-kun~" She calls. The man in question comes swanning into the room, happily spinning on his heel.
"Yes, my princess?"
"Trim time," Nami says with all the heaviness of a general leading her men to war. Even Sanji reacts as such, abruptly going serious and nodding his head with a set to his jaw. They step out onto the deck as one, and Luffy's head turns slowly towards them. Brown eyes lock onto Nami, and Chopper scoots away, slow as if it'll help him not be noticed.
"Oh, Luffy~" Nami sing-songs, hands on her hips. Usopp brandishes the scissors threateningly. Luffy honest to god hisses and takes off running, but Nami manages to trip him. He turns it into a roll, arm stretching out for the railing, but Nami is prepared and ready - she grabs his arm and Sanji does a swift maneuver, getting low and swinging his leg around to knock Luffy to the ground for Nami to put him in a pin. He steps back and away, job done. A cigarette is lit and placed between his lips.
Luffy's thrashing and whining, fingers scraping at the deck. "Lemme go!! I don't care if my hair's long!! Leave me alone!!" Zoro's eye peeks open from where he's sunning on the deck, a smirk curving his lips.
"Trim time, captain?" he says, amusement clear in his tone, and Luffy gives him an impressive snarl, tipped canines bared and all. Zoro just closes his eyes, content..
Luffy thrashes again, and nearly manages to throw Nami off, her punch not doing anything to keep him still. "You're fine, you big baby! It's just a trim! Why do we have to do this every time!!" Even Usopp decides to straddle Luffy's back, his increasingly loud and desperate pleas to stay still going ignored.
Chopper hides behind Sanji, who gently places a hand between his antlers. "Nami's scary..." he whispers, watching the struggle between his captain and two crewmates. Sanji just pats him gently.
"Welcome to the crew, Chopper. We're all monsters here." Chopper wiggles happily, but doesn't dare step out from behind Sanji.
Zoro's eyes open suddenly and he lets out a long, exasperated sigh. He sets his swords to the side. Sanji's mouth opens automatically to spit something at him, but Zoro's already moving to intercept as Luffy's kagune come into play.
"It's just a TRIM!" Nami screams at him, angry. Usopp's doing his best to keep the scissors steady under Luffy's thrashing, and Zoro grabs one big red limb in his hands and shoves it toward the deck. The other three get the same treatment, Zoro using his brute strength to keep him still.
"Now you help," Nami growls at the grinning Zoro.
"Dunno why you bother, he fights every time."
"Exactly!! This is dumb, lemme go!!" Luffy howls.
"You get stupid when your hair is in your eyes!! This is a necessity!!! It doesn't hurt you!!!!!" Nami tries to punch him again.
"It's annoying!!!" He gives one last huge thrash, nails sharpened into claws digging into the wood of the deck. Zoro just laughs.
When Luffy's released a few minutes later, Usopp and Nami sit on the deck with blank expressions on their faces, staring at their cheerfully laughing captain as he runs his fingers through his messily chopped hair.
"Is it too late to defect..." Usopp mutters resignedly, and Zoro shoots him an absolutely feral grin.
"Yep."