Chapter Text
DONGHA
It all started that day.
Dongha was so cold he thought about going back home but his pride didn't let him do that. After all, it was him who ran away telling Chungsung not to follow him.
He was so mad he felt like screaming. How did this happen? Again… He lost to his brother again. It's been some time but still, why? He was the Yeon's heir. They should all listen to what he says. That pathetic BAE's song was way interior to his.
Dongha found himself in some park he never was in before. Why would someone like him visit such a dirty place? Yet this was where his feet lead him.
He could hear voices. Dongha really shouldn't go in there and show himself to some worthless insects. That would only start meaningless rumors.
"Please, don't throw away the trash you have already picked up, Mikoshiba-kun!"
"It smells bad. No way, I'm taking that. If you want pick it up yourself, Inukai"
However quiet, he recognized these voices. GOKULUCK, one of the newly-formed groups. He could look down at any unit easily but this one was different. He just couldn't look at them at all. Prisoners? Who let them take part in this? Those insects shouldn't have rights to just take part in whatever they want. Not just take part but also gather the most points out of new groups… So much more than AMPRULE.
How come people liked those trash of society so much? Were they really that jealous of him? They didn't have rights like that. They all should just obey him.
"Wow, I didn't expect to find trash that big here"
Dongha jumped in surprise and turned his head. It was that fifteen year old guy from GOKULUCK. Not like he checked his age, he didn't have any interest in them.
"What are you standing on the road for? That's for cars, you idiot"
"How could a convict bother me like that? Do you know who you're talking to?"
Kenta Mikoshiba, whose name Dongha just happened to remember, laughed at him. He stepped closer to him, so now both of them stood on the road.
"Yeah, a child who entered a competition so full of himself and then lost. Guess your father's money can't buy you talent, huh?"
"What did you just say?"
That was too much. He didn't want to have this conversation right now. He didn't want to have this conversation any different time either.
He thought he finally did something for himself. They fought as AMPRULE and for a while he thought that maybe he could just do that. Maybe he could live his life after all. Maybe he could… But, no. He couldn't be anyone else. He couldn't just erase his name. This gave him power at least. Dongha thought it would help him but now this guy was saying things like that…
He felt tears of frustration appear in his eyes. He had to escape this situation. How could he be so pathetic.
White snowflakes started to fall down. Some of them fell on his hand just to melt. Pathetically like him.
"Listen, I'm not going to talk to you any long-"
Dongha started to make excuses but suddenly Kenta pushed him.
What?
Was he trying to fight? Right now? He's a prisoner but…
All those thoughts ran through his head but ceased immediately after the loud noise.
He heard it before his mind realized what he saw. A car that he didn't notice hit Kenta. It was a second. Just like that.
The car slowed down but didn't stop. It was just Dongha here but he couldn't move. Was it shock?
His mind slowly processed the information and he realized what happened. Kenta's unconscious body rolled over the car like a marionette whose strings had been cut. He laid on the road, his joints were… they looked just… wrong. His bright green hair turned scarlet red like a traffic light. It wasn't just his hair… this red was everywhere. Slowly it reached Dongha's leg.
He began to move again.
No, he can't be… He needs to be…
Dongha crowled to where Kenta was laying as fast as his paralyzed with fear body let him. He felt the sticky liquid… blood… all over him. At that moment he didn't have a care in the world.
He knew. He knew but he needed to check. Five, ten, twenty seconds. No breath.
"Kenta" he whispered, barely able to form the word.
He didn't understand. He saved him. Why? Why would he…?
Suddenly it was like all the energy came back to him at once.
"Kenta! Why?! Why did you do that?! I won't let you go before you answer that! Mikoshiba Kenta…"
Was he crying or was it blood on his face?
"Wake up…"
—----
Dongha screamed and opened his eyes. He tried to catch his breath just to scream again but when he looked around… It was his room. Was it all a dream? But… but it felt so real. This blood… He touched his face and looked at his hand. Nothing but sweat and tears appeared on it.
So it had to be a dream then, right? Why would he dream about that?
Dongha wanted to forget about it and return to sleep but he still was shaken up. He was very clearly on the bed but he felt wet asfalt under him.
Suddenly he heard someone knocking on the door. Dongha jumped, almost falling off his bed.
"Master Dongha, I heard a scream. Is everything all right?"
It was Chungsung. Of course. With his scream Dongha would wake up anyone who was nearby.
"It's nothing. Don't bother me"
"There is an interview we'll need to attend today so please rest well. Or would you like me to cancel it?"
"What interview? Weren't we supposed to have one yesterday?"
Yeah, supposed to. He ran away after all… Did he return here after that? He had no recollection of doing so. Was it a dream too? No, no way it was.
"From my knowledge we didn't have any interviews yesterday" Chungsung sounded concerned "You should rest, Master Dongha. All this work must be tiring for you"
Tiring? If he got tired that easily he wouldn't last a day in his parents' house. But never mind that, this Road to Legend interview was very clearly supposed to be yesterday.
"I will rest so don't bother me anymore!"
Dongha snapped at Chungsung so he would leave him alone. Something was wrong. There was this unreal thought he had but… It wasn't possible, right? He grabbed his phone. There was no way, why was he even checking that?
He wasn't wrong. The date… was yesterday's.
—
It always went that way. It started to snow and then Kenta died. Dongha tried everything. He got stuck in a time loop. It was so illogical he tried to deny that but with every loop he was forcefully reminded that it was not some way too long nightmare. It was reality.
Kenta… Why would he protect him? He just wanted to know. Maybe if he would prevent his death he would tell him? That was probably also the way to stop the loop but nothing worked.
He tried to cancel community service for prison, Kenta ended up beaten up to death or stabbed inside of it. He tried monitoring his every move, Kenta ended up crushing his head while falling down or suddenly coughing up blood. He tried not to do anything, just observe from the shadows… The last time was when he tried it and…
Dongha should be used to seeing Kenta die but it was different. Suddenly after he said something to that one prison guard, GOKULUCK's leader, he snapped and hit him. Not just once. The guard, Yuto Inukai (he checked everything about GOKULUCK's members at this point) started beating Kenta. The blood started to color the scenery. Other people were too shocked or scared to react and Dongha… He couldn't move. He watched Kenta slowly losing any ability to fight back. He saw his unconscious body being slammed against rocks on the ground. He saw head injury causing way too much blood loss.
He watched.
He couldn't move.
After all of this. After all these loops, all these failures, when he was given a chance he just… He just couldn't do it. He couldn't be useful even for a moment.
It started to snow and Dongha woke up. He clenched his hand into a fist and punched himself in the leg repeatedly. He wanted to scream in frustration but didn't want to make any noise. He couldn't even cry at this point. All he felt was frustration… no, it was helplessness. Maybe both?
He didn't want to feel that way anymore. Maybe if he did something radical it would stop…? This thought gave birth to a plan.
Dongha went into the kitchen while it was still dark. Everyone there was working for him anyway so he shouldn't even be secretive about it. However, he needed to act now, as quickly as possible. He grabbed the longest and sharpest knife he could find and left the house.
He managed to hide in the forest before the prisoners arrived. Then questions started to appear in his head. What was he trying to accomplish? Would that really help? Was he just about to kill someone…? No. He was just going to protect Kenta. This time he would succeed. Yet why was he going to such lengths just to save someone he barely knew, a convict? You could say he knew Kenta very well after observing him all this time but the truth was he didn't.
Ah, why question it now? He was returning a favor, right? It was dangerous so he brought a knife with him. End of story.
He knew that GOKULUCK's leader was extreme on stage but to think he was capable of doing something like this… Seriously, what was Dongha's plan? Shouldn't he have one?
The noises stopped him from questioning himself any longer. The prisoners were already here. He got so lost in thoughts he didn't even notice. How long ago did they arrive? Where was Kenta? Where was Inukai?
Suddenly he heard a branch breaking. I'm going to die, he thought. Dongha was panicking. Someone was getting closer and closer to where he was. The person was stopping every few steps, probably to take up the trash. Nothing to be afraid of, right? If Dongha was thinking rationally he would be calm but he was still shaken up. He grabbed the knife in his shaking hand, trying to steady it so it wouldn't fall.
Then he saw him. The guard. Inukai. The one that killed Kenta without any hesitation. All the images were still fresh in Dongha's mind. He pointed a knife at him.
"Hands up. Don't… Don't move"
"Huh? Huh? You…" he sounded scared, but Dongha already saw him in action so he couldn't fool him.
"I said hands up!"
Inukai did as he said but… Was he really that good of an actor? No, maybe he knew he couldn't overpower someone who had a knife. Nevertheless something was off. That was a police officer. Shouldn't he at least fight back? Also would Dongha really save Kenta this way? Maybe a life for a life was something that could work but… he wasn't going to just kill someone. He could torture them if he had to but kill?
Inukai was shaking, almost crying. There was a noise. Dongha wanted to turn but he was too scared to take his eyes off his target.
"Mikoshiba-kun, go"
Inukai mumbled so quietly that Dongha barely heard him. Mikoshiba-kun? Did he mean…? No.
Dongha turned and there he was. No, it couldn't be happening. It was the worst situation possible. What had he done?
Knife fell from his hands. He had to get it back. No, first Kenta. He had to warn him. What should he say?
"No!" he screamed "Kenta, go away! Run!"
Dongha took the knife back but just as he was getting up someone grabbed his hand. It was the guard, Inukai. He seemed different. Just like in the last loop. Dongha should expect this but still, how could someone change so much that fast? He was almost crying a second ago.
One thing was clear. He couldn't let Inukai have the knife. Dongha struggled to get the weapon back but Inukai was stronger. Yet he continued to fight. He thought that maybe if he would throw the knife somewhere else he could get it faster. If he couldn't beat the guard at strength, maybe he could at speed. He threw a knife at the same time Inukai tried to knock the knife out of his hand. It gave the knife way too much speed.
No. No… it flew to the left. He should calm down, he screamed so he shouldn't be there. He couldn't be there, right?
Dongha slowly turned to where the knife was thrown. The knife was stuck… right in Kenta's throat.
Dongha ran towards Kenta. At that moment he couldn't hear anything, his vision was blurry. He probably screamed. He didn't know. He should be used to it but how could you get used to something like that? Dongha couldn't. Especially when he knew that this death was his fault. Not only this one, every single one. It all started because of him. All his fault.
Kenta wasn't breathing. Dongha knew soon he would wake up in his room again but before that he tried to burn this scene into his memory. He didn't want to look but he had to. It was his fault. He was screaming and sobbing. Every time it happened it felt just like the first. Screw this loop. Screw every loop.
The snow was falling, Dongha didn't even notice when it started. Little white snowflakes were falling into the puddle of blood just to melt in it. Just like that. Like there was never any snow to begin with.
===
Dongha's room surely was luxurious. Every part of it had to remind you that it was Yeon's household. Every tutor coming here to teach Dongha had to know what honor it was for them to be here. All these decorations were unnecessary and meaningless but they sure were expensive. It felt so empty and soulless. So suffocating.
Dongha was finishing his math homework. That one equation seemed to be impossible to solve. He just wanted to look it up somewhere but he knew he had to understand how to do this. After all, if it would end up on the test he had to do it right. He couldn't fail.
After he got an answer somehow, he checked it with the correct one. It was wrong. Wrong again. Frustration that he felt since the beginning turned into absolute anger. Dongha threw his notebook on the ground, picked it up and threw it against the wall. The expensive-looking clock moved a bit, looking like it could fall at any time now. Agh, who cares?! The need to destroy this ugly clock filled Dongha. The need to smash it into tiny little pieces so that none of the housekeepers or whoever else wouldn't be able to put it together again. He wished to see his father's reaction to this.
However, knowing that this clock was probably more important to his father than him, he just got it back to how it was.
He also picked up the notebook and looked at this equation again. No. No way. He couldn't do that. He wasn't a genius. He wasn't a child prodigy. He wasn't that Yae-Joon guy from his class. He sure as hell wasn't Hajun.
Dongha threw the notebook again. Not this guy. Just thinking about him made him furious. Maybe if not him Dongha's father wouldn't expect him to be better than it was humanly possible. That scum. He dared to meet up with him that one time. He remembered it well. What he said at the end.
"See you soon, Dongha"
Like he would ever see him again. He really didn't think that much about his choice of words considering his genius. If you really meant to see someone again…
Dongha picked up the notebook and tore the page with his calculations.
Then maybe don't run away to take part in some godforsaken japanese hip-hop contest!
Dongha punched the ground. Why could he do that?! Why him and not me?! He wanted to scream but he knew he couldn't. Tears of frustration formed in his eyes as he whispered.
"Convenient to leave unwanted luggage behind, huh, Hajun?"
School was like a theater. Before going there for the first time Dongha got instructions on whose parents were truly influential and who he should befriend. He knew it wasn't just him. All of his classmates played these kind and smart kids like they were just marionettes of their parents. Well, so was he.
Dongha tried to talk to them only as much as necessary. He was a Yeon after all his status was even higher than theirs so it was fine.
"Do you think we'll get our tests today? I hope I did well"
"Oh right, the test. I only looked over the formulas a few times. I don't think I did great"
Dongha listened in on the conversation next to him. Yae-Joon, what a liar. Or maybe not? He was one of those people who didn't have to do anything to be the best at something. Were they just born with it? So unfair. How was he ever going to beat them?
Dongha studied for this exam for months. He went through every example, every exercise he found. Even then he felt like he barely understood anything. He really didn't want to get the test back. His father would probably think of him as useless and talentless again after knowing the results. Dongha wasn't useless.
The teacher had the tests. Slowly everybody was handed their work.
"And you say you didn't study? You got max again"
"Oh, I didn't expect that. I guess I just remembered that from the lessons"
Yae-Joon did that again, huh? So effortlessly maxed out the test. Screw him. Some people had to work so hard just to pass. How was that fair?
Dongha got his test. He didn't want to look. The paper felt so thin in his hands. How could something so fragile be that important? He wanted to tear it. He wanted to see all those people lose their mind because of the piece of paper. However, Dongha couldn't do that. Instead he slowly lowered his gaze.
No. He messed up again.
It was barely above half of the points. He couldn't have a score that low. He passed but it wasn't enough. It wasn't. It was never enough. That wasn't a score that a Yeon should have. That wasn't a score that Hajun would get…
"May I go to the bathroom?"
He had to leave this classroom right now. He couldn't stay there any longer.
"All right but come back quickly. We're going to solve the questions from the exam together"
As the teacher was finishing the sentence Dongha was already leaving the class.
He walked through the corridor furious as hell. He wanted to kick something, to punch something. He wanted to let all this anger out. He couldn't do that now. He couldn't do that, he was a Yeon.
Finally Dongha reached the bathroom. He started punching the wall with his fist. Punch after punch like he was in trance. It wasn't enough but that was all he could do. All these hours, days, months of studying were useless. Was it his fault that he wasn't born a genius? He couldn't control that. He couldn't do anything about it. Why couldn't he just be born different?!
His knuckles started to bleed. Ah, screw it, he couldn't have injuries like that. How was he supposed to go back to class now? If only all of this would just stop…
"Dongha, is everything okay?"
No, could it get any worse than that? It was Yae-Joon. Dongha looked at him with pure fury in his eyes.
"I saw your test while I was leaving. You also didn't study?"
Didn't study?! All this time he spent trying to understand. All the time wasted… All the time Yae-Joon didn't have to waste because he was just a genius. Because he was just born the correct way.
The anger took over Dongha. He couldn't control it anymore. He wanted to do something so bad. He wanted to react. He wanted to act against this godforsaken script his life was.
Dongha took Yae-Joon by his collar and slammed him against the wall. He wanted to punch him. He wanted to…
No, what had he done?
He let go of his collar. He felt the need to do something but he just couldn't move. Yae-Joon would go to his parents with that and then…
Dongha wanted to get on his knees and beg for forgiveness but a Yeon couldn't do that, no matter what. No, no, he just messed up everything. It was like all the anger left him replaced with fear. This whole house of cards he built was gone, just like that. Everything just fell apart and it was all his fault.
"What is wrong with you?"
The expression on Yae-Joon's face wasn't fear or anger, just pure disgust. He left the bathroom.
Dongha wanted to do something. To catch his hand and stop him. To scream his apologies hoping it would reach him. To run after him, bribe him, anything.
But Dongha couldn't move. He was paralyzed, maybe with fear. All he could do was hopelessly watch his work being destroyed, piece by piece, knowing all of this was only his fault.
His father was beyond furious. He walked around one of his rooms that he called Dongha into. Even now he didn't look at Dongha even once like the act of looking at him was too disgraceful. He punched the marble desk with his fist.
"Do you have any idea how much I had to pay this kid's family for them to forget about it?!"
Dongha was looking down, his only movement being the shaking of his hand he couldn't control. Slowly he opened his mouth to answer.
"I'm sorry, father"
"You think I care about your sorry? You are a Yeon. Don't you have any pride? Did I raise you to be like that?"
He wasn't screaming anymore. His voice was as cold as the marble ornaments decorating the room.
"It definitely won't happen again"
"Of course it won't. Don't even imply that. If you ever do something like that again, I will seriously have to disown you. You're a disgrace, Dongha. I wish Hajun were my real son not you. Now, go to your room. Rethink what you did"
Dongha turned and was about to leave the room when his father spoke again.
"Oh and could you take math more seriously? I didn't hire all those tutor for you to get results like that"
"I'm sorry"
This time Dongha was able to leave. His room wasn't that far away. He just walked, step by step. He was really close now. He opened the door and as fast as he closed them behind him he fell onto the floor.
All these emotions, whatever they even were, all of it hit him at once. The tears started to flow, he couldn't control it anymore. Why did he have to suffer like this? What had he done to deserve this? Was there something, anything he could do?
He thought that acting like he was told to would make him succeed. He wanted to achieve something. He just wanted to feel that something he did had a meaning. Yet no matter how many contests he won, how many chances he had for a great future, it didn't mean anything. It was all pointless. Was there any point in going through this? Even if it would get him somewhere. Did he even want that? No… Dongha punched the floor.
"Why did you leave me here, Hajun? When is your soon? Liar!"
He took the clock off his wall and threw it across the room. It didn't even break.
"Liar! Liar, liar, liar!"
Dongha held his head in his hands and collapsed on the floor again. All these thoughts. He didn't want to have them. He didn't want to think anymore.
It could be ten minutes, half an hour or two hours since he came back to his room. Dongha didn't know how much time had passed. He just cried like the prideless disgrace he was.
Slowly he began to calm himself. He got up looking for his phone and headphones hoping it would help to silence all the thoughts inside his head.
As he was searching for a song, one that he definitely didn't want to see came up. It was BAE's song. Part of him wanted to scroll, to forget he even saw it but… What did he have to lose at this point?
He listened to the song for the first time, second time and third time. He listened to it again and again and again. He was crying but this time it was different. The feeling he felt, what was it? It was as if the helplessness he felt left him. Like he began to believe that he could do it after all.
He stayed like that, moving only his finger, scared that if he would move even an inch more this feeling would disappear.
===
Dongha should be used to those headaches by now. As well as those memories of the past. From what he figured out that was just a byproduct of the time loop he was in. Despite that, this was the worst headache he had so far. It was like his head was going to split open. With time it got less painful and he started to remember the loop he was just in.
It was different. That Kenta didn't have the burn mark and also he reached out to him before going to the park. That was different so he hoped… He hoped that maybe this time Kenta wouldn't die. However, that element stayed the same. What even was that, did someone poison him? But that loop clearly showed him that no matter what changes were made the result would still be the same.
Dongha came up with one way of ending that. He didn't want to do it at first but after that loop… Kenta's goodbye still ringed in his head. It was the first time something like this happened. That Kenta was different. Could it be that he started looping too? Maybe he could save him if that was the case? If not then he would proceed with his plan. Dongha was ready.
He did everything like the very first time. He left at the same time and went the same exact way. Could he really end this loop this time? He was tired. So tired. Yet if he was to end it he wanted to at least know the answer. Or was it too much to ask?
It didn't take too long for Kenta to come near the road. Luckily that didn't change. Some kind of nostalgy filled Dongha. He was back when he started. They argued here. Dongha threw insults at the guy who saved his life later in the same place, on the same day.
"Wow, I didn't expect to find trash that big here"
Dongha looked at his hand. The burn was there. So he really failed to save that different Kenta… He was really dead. Just gone. Probably only Dongha would know he ever existed. So many lives lost because of these loops. It had to end now.
"What are you standing on the road for? That's for cars, you idiot"
"Kenta, let's imagine you risk your life to save someone. What would your reason for doing that be?"
"Huh?"
Kenta stepped closer to him, so now both of them stood on the road.
"Nah, you're definitely that AMPRULE guy. What are you talking about?"
Dongha figured it wouldn't be that easy. Well, maybe he didn't have to know… He really wanted the answer but there was something more important now. He had to accept that he would never know. Kenta looked confused, obviously. Yet Dongha wanted to say all the things he planned so that he wouldn't have any regrets. Not anymore.
"I wish I had the chance to actually get to know you, you know? I mean we're total opposites. I kind of always wanted to be someone like you… Kind of"
Kenta laughed. He still looked really confused. After all this Kenta had no ways of knowing what would happen soon.
"What, you didn't want to be rich and have everything you want? You wanted to go to prison? Oh, poor you"
Dongha decided to ignore this, he was running out of time.
"But I feel that we are actually really similar. More than you probably think. Definitely more than I thought. That's just a feeling, though"
Dongha took a deep breath. Some of his pride wanted to stop this from saying all of that but at that moment he didn't care.
"So… Thank you for those chances, Kenta. Sorry… Sorry I wasted so many of them"
"What?"
Saying all those things was such… such a great feeling. Now all that was left was the push. He thought that when it would come to it he would freeze again or run away but he felt so… content. Maybe it wasn't the way the world perceived your actions that gave them value. Maybe it wasn't the change they caused. Maybe doing something just because you could and wanted to, maybe being able to act on your decision was what mattered. It was those actions taken out of free will that made life worth living. Dongha felt that after all this time he finally understood why. So that's it Kenta? You were right. For the first time now…. For the first time Dongha felt that he was truly alive.
He was about to push Kenta away. He thought about all those Kentas he couldn't save. The one that saved him. The one with the knife in his throat. The one without the burn mark. Could they be gone just like that? No, somewhere between space and time they will surely meet again.
Snow started falling. He pushed Kenta and seconds before the unavoidable happened he managed to say one last thing.
"See you soon, Kenta"