Chapter Text
A few days had passed since your... situation with Sun.
To your credit, you'd been good! You hadn't self harmed since then, unable to make yourself with Sun and Moons smiling faces still on your arm. A couple of the band-aids had fallen off, but not all. Still hanging on, reminding you.
You'd been so good.
Until now.
"God", deep breath, "dammit!" everything just became so much, too much. At least you'd been able to hold out until you got home. Holed up in your tiny, messy apartment. Alone. You felt so fucking alone.
Looking around you saw nothing but the fucking mess it had become. Moldy dishes, dirty clothes, every step you took crunched with trash. Living like this was painful.
And for the millionth time in your life, you wished you had the courage to die.
You considered calling in sick the next day, but you told yourself you needed the money. In reality, you just wanted to see them.
The day crawled by. It was slow, and you were on the verge of losing your mind from boredom. The daycare was too busy for you and Sun to have time to chat, and you jad nothing to do except chat to parents at pick-up and drop-off.
Every time you stod up you made sure to pull your sleeve down. No more mistakes.
When naptime rolled around you considered listening to Moon for once and taking a nap. You were fucking exhausted. You always were.
And, he would be happy, and another hour would pass for you. Perfect solution.
But Moon had other plans.
As soon as all the kids were fast asleep he crouched down in front of the security desk. He was eye level with you like this. God he was huge.
"Hi Moon.", you smiled lazily.
"You know starshine, we couldn't help but notice-", please god dont let him say what you thought he was gonna say, "you've been fidgeting alot with your sleeve today." SHIT! "Everything alright?"
You just nodded, not wanting your voice to crack under the pressure of his heavy gaze. He didnt believe you, of course he didn't.
Moon was many things, and (unfortunately for you) stubborn was one of them.
"You sure, starlight?" he looked at you intensely, eyes narrowing, you pretended like you weren't about to cry.
"Yup. I'm just dandy."
He let out a deep sigh and gestured for you to come out from behind the security desk, his programming kept him from crossing that line. You knew he wouldn't hurt you. He was safe. He definitely wouldn't yell, it'd wake the kids up immediately. It was fine. That didn't stop your legs from shaking as you stood up and walked up next to him, stubbornly holding your sleeve down. He didn't give any snide remarks, shockingly. Just took your hand gently in his.
"Y/N." he said your name softly, like you were a wounded animal, "Do you know we care about you?"
The question caught you off guard. That's not what people ask. They ask "why" and "when did you start", and for some stupid fucking reason "did it hurt?"
Unbeknownst to you, both Sun and Moon had ran each other through what questions might feel to invasive. Sun vetoed most of them.
But they had a mental list on what they could ask, how to help.
After a second you nodfed. You did know, deep down, that they care about you. He smiled softly at you and nod.
"How can we help you?"
"I..." You trailed off as tears welled up in your eyes, you were crying. A simple question, an offer of help, was enough for you to break down. His metaphorical heart broke for you, seeing you like this. It truly dawned on him how isolated you must be.
You mumbled apologies as Moon pulled you into a tight hug. You clung to him near desperately. You needed this.
The world shifted around you as he picked you up, holding you bridal style.
He carried you to the familiar infirmary, slowly and carefully. The lights stayed off, of course. He wanted the two of you to have some privacy, and as much as he cared for you he didnt want you to wake the little ones.
He didnt sit down, just gently kicked the door closed behind you. Moon holding you in his arms while you cried was both familiar and foreign. He was colder than Sun, soothingly so. But the soft-ish silicone was exactly the same. As was the comfort it brought.
He shifted you so he could gently rub your back, humming a lullaby you faintly recognized.
And you cried.
The worst thing about depression is that it will take everything that you are and twist it. Make you question yourself, your loved ones. Tane your freedom. It will swallow you whole before you even realize there's any danger.
And the deepest, sickest part of you will cling to that feeling.
To the pain.
Because it's so much easier to hurt the same way you always have, than it is to face the uncertainty.
And being here with Moon, and the last time with Sun, was horrifying. You barely remembered what comfort felt like. His softness felt foreign, undeserved. You clung to him, because you were so sure if you didn't he'd leave you. You'd be alone.
He held you as gently as he could, despite every line in his code screaming at him to hold you so tight you'd break. You were so delicate, like a soft breeze would tear your skin open. He never wanted to hurt you.
He tried not to think of all the things associated with self harm. High suicide rates, infection, dull blades, bloody hands.
He tried, desperately, to focus on you.
Wonderful, kind, caring, compassionate you. The person who did not shy away from them, ever since day one. The only person who'd stayed with them.
Finally, you calmed down enough to take a deep breath and pull away enough to look at him. His eyes were soft, caring.
"Don't make me promise to stop" You whispered hoarsely. Everyone tried to make you promise to not do it again. And every time you failed.
"I wont." he said softly, "Just promise you'll let us patch you up."
That was enough for now.
Someday you would be clean.
Someday your scars would fade.
Someday you would be happy.
But right now, you were looking up at the Moon, smiling.
And the moon smiled back.