Chapter Text
The apartment felt so… empty. Ali left weeks ago, the parties and get togethers were over, the “get well soon” cards were put away. It had been weeks since Buck had been completely cleared, and now he just felt stuck. At least when he was going through the lawsuit and his surgeries and the tsunami, there was always something there to keep him busy. Now everything just felt dull. Things with Eddie were still odd, too. Not like they were before, when he was still angry at him, but a new kind of odd. It was as if every time they saw each other, they still treated each other the same, but a sentence or two was left unsaid. There was always something that Buck could tell Eddie wasn’t telling him, some residual… something floating around between them every time they spoke.
It never felt positive, either.
He started to click through the channels on his television, sighing. He hated to say it, but a part of him was a little bored. His life had been constantly changing and moving lately, and now that he had time to think, he realized he didn’t want to. Processing everything seemed impossible enough in this job, and having any minute alone made it even worse. His fingers itched to call somebody. It was Sunday, he’d go back to work the next day, but this feeling was becoming overwhelming. He just needed an hour or two with some company, then he could actually stand being in this place until tomorrow. His first thought was to call Eddie, but he was visiting his family and Buck didn’t want to intervene. Between the odd feeling and things starting to become more normal between them at work, he didn’t want to do anything that might jeopardize Eddie completely forgiving him or trusting him again. Plus, hearing some of what Eddie had told him about his father, he figured Eddie had enough on his plate.
He decided to call Maddie. As he put the phone to his ear, there was some shuffling on the other end, laughing following shortly after.
“Hey, Buck,” she said, sounding distracted.
“Hey… is this a bad time?”
“Never for you. Just having a movie night with Chim. Did you need something?”
Buck swallowed hard. He loved Maddie and Chimney. Any time he spent with them was always a blast and they never made him feel bad for never having a date or third-wheeling, but he didn’t want to intrude on their night in.
“I actually was wondering if you were free to hang out, but I wouldn’t want to interfere on your guys' time together. I hope you guys have an amazing night, you deserve it,” he replied, genuinely.
“Are you sure? We always have room for you, Buck,” she said, sympathy in her voice.
He smiled at that. It felt nice to know he would always have a place to go if he was ever in trouble or needed someone. But then again, Maddie had always been that place for him. She was sort of like his caretaker growing up, fixing him up every time his parents broke him down. When she left when Doug and her got married, it took one of the biggest tolls on him he probably ever felt in his life. Even now knowing the reason why she had to cut off communication with him, he was just glad they could be there for each other again. Always.
"I'm sure."
"Alright... Maybe you can call Eddie? I feel bad leaving you hanging," She suggested.
"Yeah, I'll try to," he lied, feeling like he owed her a good piece of mind.
He hesitated for a few seconds, contemplating if he should tell her the real reason why he called her. If he should tell her that his empty apartment made him feel excruciatingly alone. Instead, he forced his voice back to the casual sound it had before.
"I'll see you later, Mads."
"You know I'll see you, too. Call me if anything happens."
"Always."
He hung up the phone with a sigh, his head falling back against the couch. He felt better just having a conversation with someone, but the newfound silence prompted his brain to start thinking again, and this time he didn't try to ignore the thoughts. A part of him hoped he could stay at the 118 forever and do this job forever. Hoped that he would never have to leave this family that had been created and formed over the years. They took him in and always showed him support and love. They showed him what a proper family was supposed to look and feel like. Even while knowing that someday it would end, he was just glad he was on great terms with everyone again and could count on them for anything.
His mind flashed to Eddie again, and the feeling that had been haunting over them for almost a month.
Well, almost everyone.