Chapter Text
How do you know if you love someone?;
The buzzing of her phone crashed through the fraught silence. Maya picked it up from the table, letting out an annoyed sigh as she saw it was just a random notification reminding her that school would start tomorrow. Maya huffed and threw her phone onto the empty chair to her right. She rested her head against the backrest and closed her eyes.
Riley was late for her shift. Being late was unusual for her. Maya told herself to wait for five more minutes which she had been doing for over half an hour. Nervously, she chewed on her lip and crossed her arms. The cushion beside her dipped slowly, and as Maya opened her eyes, she met Topanga's sympathetic gaze.
"Don't you have something better to do than sitting here all day?" Topanga asked.
Maya's eyes dropped down to Topanga's hand, holding out Maya's phone. "Probably," Maya answered while taking her phone back. She stared at the dark display, frowning at the lack of text messages.
"She changed her shifts," Topanga explained softly, adjusting the apron tied around her waist. Maya turned her head sharply. "I'm sorry, Maya."
Maya stared at her phone again. Slowly, she started to nod. "It's okay. I should have expected it."
Topanga laid a hand on Maya's left shoulder. She smiled gratefully in return. The bell above the door chimed, and whatever Topanga might have wanted to say died in her throat. She looked up at the customer, and a bright grin appeared.
"There's my favorite sister-in-law!" Maya's heart skipped a beat at the familiar voice.
Topanga leaned toward Maya. Dramatically, Topanga whispered, "He better tip me, or else I won't survive these jokes." Maya giggled as Topanga looked up at her brother-in-law. "Hey, Josh," she said, smiling. "The usual?"
"Correct."
Topanga stood up but told Maya, "And you don't worry too much. Riley can never stay mad for long," before she went behind the counter. The blonde nodded in response, not meeting Topanga's eyes.
"Everything okay, Ferret?" Maya met Josh's questioning gaze and let a small smile slip.
"Yeah. I'm always okay," she answered automatically. Josh stared at her, noticing the slight tremble in Maya's left hand as it rested against her thigh. Disbelief almost passed his lips, but Topanga waved him over to the counter. Maya broke their eye contact, the smile slipping off her face as if taking off a mask. Josh swallowed his nerves and walked over to his sister-in-law.
"How's college?" she asked, putting a lid on the cup of his coffee.
"Well," Josh breathed out. "I think classes will kick my ass for good this year."
"You got this, Josh."
"Hopefully." Topanga slid the cup over to him while Josh fished his wallet out of his backpack. "There you go." The coins fell into Topanga's hand, jingling as she sorted them into the checkout.
"You should come over for dinner again," she suggested with a hopeful sparkle in her eyes.
Josh nodded before he responded, "Absolutely. The first week is the easiest one, so I'll have some time to spare."
"That's great," Topanga said. "Then I hope you have a good start tomorrow."
Josh smiled gratefully at her, picking up his coffee. Unsure, he glanced at Maya, still sitting in the armchair and glaring at her phone. Turning back, he saw Topanga stealing a glance at Maya too. The troubled look on her face worried Josh, so he leaned forward and whispered, "What happened?"
The shrug he got in response disappointed Josh. It must have shown because Topanga quietly said, "Riley is mad at Maya, but I don't know what happened."
Josh nodded thoughtfully, tapping his pointer finger against the cup. "So the trip to Texas didn't go well?"
Topanga's eyes slid back over to Maya, the corners of her mouth sinking. The shake of her head was so subtle Josh almost didn't catch it. Grimly, Josh stared at the counter. Then, with a faint smile, he said goodbye to Topanga and walked toward the door. Briefly, Maya caught his eye again. Before he could change his mind, he sat beside her, nudging her shoulder affectionately with his own. A weak chuckle escaped Maya's lungs against her will.
"You're not the Matthews I've been waiting for," Maya retorted, trying to pull her lips into a smile.
"No?" Josh raised his eyebrows, smiling smugly. "I beg to differ, sweetheart."
Another breathy chuckle escaped her, but Maya didn't retort as usual. For a moment, Josh pondered if he should have left her alone, but then he caught her chewing on her lower lip. A gesture Maya only did when she was contemplating. An idea struck him. Josh took the plunge and spoke again.
"Wanna take a walk with me?"
For a moment, Maya stilled. Then, she nodded. They stood up, and Josh resisted the urge to glance at Topanga. He knew there would be an intuitive smirk on her face, knowing things Josh did not want to put into words yet. Maya slung her bag over her shoulder and waved at Topanga.
"See you tomorrow," Maya called over her shoulder. Then she walked through the door as Josh held it open.
"Are you working tomorrow?"
"Yeah. I have a shift after school."
The warmth of summer met their skin as they walked out of the building. Quickly they went up the stairs, falling into step next to each other. Josh pushed his hands into his pockets, biting his cheek. He tried to suppress a victorious grin at the opportunity to spend some time with Maya.
He didn't manage to hide it. As Josh looked at Maya, she watched him with a raised eyebrow. A defensive explanation rested on the tip of his tongue, but the amused glint in her eyes kept him from speaking. She had probably guessed what he wanted to say before he opened his mouth anyway.
"So," Josh started, "any art projects you've been working on recently?"
The shadow of confusion passed Maya's face before indifference concealed whatever emotions were bubbling beneath the surface. She cleared her throat as words she did not want to say tried to escape.
Then, with a precarious voice, she answered, "I painted something last night." Her heart skipped. "A campfire. Beneath a beautiful night sky." Her voice grew quieter with each word, drifting into an almost wistful tone Josh could not decipher.
They took a turn, and Josh waited until they had crossed the street before he spoke again, "That sounds interesting. Wanna show it to me when it's finished?"
Slowly, Maya blinked until her vision became sharper. Almost as if she got out of a dream. Then, without missing a beat, she said, "Yeah. I would love to, Josh."
The change in her behavior had been so sudden Josh almost thought he imagined the whole thing. Maya started explaining which colors she used to paint the picture. It quickly transitioned into a rant after Josh joked about the differences between shades of blue being nonexistent.
"There is a significant distinction between navy blue and midnight blue." Maya gestured wildly with her hands. Strangers gave the pair an odd look as they passed, but neither Josh nor Maya paid them any mind. "Midnight blue is considered to be the deepest shade of blue. Navy blue has a lighter hue. How can you not know that?" Five minutes later, Maya finally accepted Josh's apology and kept talking about color theory in a calm tone.
Josh had no time to ask her where the sudden talkative mood came from. Not that Maya would have given him an answer. She was lost in her passion for art, and Josh listened attentively as they walked.
They almost bumped into a street lantern as they discussed a particular painting Josh remembered from Maya's sketchbook a few years back. Laughing it off, they continued their conversation as if nothing had happened. Soon after the incident, they reached a park, and Maya suggested sitting down for a while.
"What? Too tired to walk already?" Josh teased as they passed a random street sign.
Maya cocked her head, stopping in front of the old wooden bench. "Just thought I'd be more considerate of your age, dear Boing." She clapped him on the back and plopped down on the bench.
Josh scoffed playfully as he looked down at the unblamable smile Maya wore. "Funny, Maya. Really."
"I know, I'm amazing." Maya snorted at her words while Josh shook his head slightly. He sat down with his hands on his knees, observing the warm-colored sky above them. Silence pulled them both into their respective thoughts, though Maya tensed as soon as she looked up. Her hand started to tremble again, and Josh resisted the urge to cover her hand with his. Maya's soft "Josh?" almost went unheard between the cars driving past and the laughter of children playing in the nearby neighborhood.
"Yes?"
He glanced at her, but she was still staring at the sky, her hair shining in the sunlight. Exhaling deeply, Maya asked, "Why haven't you asked about the summer trip?"
Josh looked down at the concrete beneath their feet, gears turning in his head. So that's what she wanted to ask. "Figured, since you didn't mention it until now, it wasn't good." Maya's eyes widened slightly. "And I assumed people have been asking since you got back, so I wanted to give you a chance to talk about something else for a while." Her gaze fell onto her hands in her lap, hair hiding her face.
Maya nodded slowly. "Okay, I understand that. Thank you." She smiled briefly at him. "I was just confused because you didn't ask how I'm doing like usual."
Josh reached out to tuck some hair behind her ear before he responded, "So you could just say everything's fine like you always do and pretend I wouldn't notice the tremble in your voice or the way you avoid eye contact after telling a lie?" Josh's smirk was teasing. "No chance, Hart." Josh caught a glimpse of her bashful smile. "But you can talk to me about anything you want to, Maya. You don't have to wait until I ask. Just talk to me. It's okay, I promise."
Nervously, Maya swallowed the lump in her throat, smiling thankfully at Josh. "I'll keep that in mind."
"Even if you don't," Josh started, "I'll gladly remind you now and then."
Maya nodded. "When can I take advantage of that offer?"
"Whenever you need."
"Perfect." Maya turned toward Josh, sitting crossed-legged with her hands in her lap. "I've got a question and need your honest Boing advice."
Josh cocked his head. "What's so special about my advice?"
"Well, except for mostly giving it without someone explicitly asking for it," Maya said, tapping her chin thoughtfully, "I'd say because you're a Matthews. You're all a bunch of dreamers. That includes you too, but you're still somewhat down to earth."
Josh started laughing at Maya's stern expression. Despite her flippant tone, she somehow managed to let it sound like a compliment. "Can't say the same for Riley," Josh added with a fond smile.
"Oh, absolutely," Maya agreed. "But I think Cory's a close second."
"Definitely." Josh chuckled. "Though no one can beat Eric."
After exchanging glances, they burst out laughing, sending a pigeon soaring. Maya was still snickering as she looked back up at the sky. "I missed this." As she sensed Josh's questioning gaze, she explained, "I mean spending time with you, just sitting here. Talking. Being in your presence. I missed this."
Her eyes were closed as she exhaled deeply. Josh watched some strands of her hair moving with the breeze of summer air that passed by. He would have been fine if time had gone on pause at that exact moment. Maya looked peaceful, and Josh wanted her to keep that expression.
"I missed this, too."
Her lips pulled into a smile. His words caused a slight blush to spread across her cheeks. But he didn't comment on it, convinced Maya would have blamed the summer heat. Therefore, he changed the topic. "So, you said you needed advice?"
Maya took one last deep breath before opening her eyes again. She nodded briefly. "I do. Don't laugh though. It's kinda stupid."
"If it's important to you, it's not stupid," Josh stated.
She turned to him then, beaming. "That's what I meant. There's no one quite like you, Boing." Before Josh could ask what she meant by that, she quickly asked, "How do you know if you love someone?"
Josh whistled lowly. "That's a tough question." He scratched the back of his head. "That depends. What kind of love?"
"I'm talking romance, you know? Marriage, holding hands, all the things I used to roll my eyes at. That kind of love."
Josh pondered for a while, watching some birds fly by or kindly greeting an old couple walking past them. Now and then, Maya would steal a glance at him. Then she would check her phone only to be met with disappointment. She sighed, running a hand through her hair and rearranging it multiple times.
"I think," he started, and Maya's head immediately turned toward Josh, her hands falling into her lap. "There are a lot of small signs telling you if you love someone or not."
In response, she raised her eyebrows and straightened her back. "Such as..?"
Josh cleared his throat, averting his gaze quickly. "I'd say such as thinking about them constantly. You know, like, little things reminding you of them. Or they randomly appear in your thoughts. In their presence, you always catch yourself gazing at them to make sure they're having a good time because you want them to be happy." Maya remained silent as Josh continued speaking, but her smile grew. "You try to be near them all the time. You want to know what trouble keeps them up at night, what they wish for in life, and everything that makes them who they are. You want to know every little detail. Even silly things, like what songs they dance to in the car; how they take their coffee if they drink it at all; if they like the rain as much as you do." A distant look came over her eyes. "You do stuff for them without needing to be asked to. You also don't expect anything in return. It's just to see them smile."
"What else?" Maya questioned.
"How do you know there's more?"
She smirked, brushing hair out of her face. "You drifted off. Usually, at the end of such a speech in typical Matthews fashion, you would have added, 'But, you know, that's just how I see it. I'm not sure,' or something like that."
Josh stared at her, mouth agape. "Well, someone's been paying attention."
"Of course," Maya mumbled, squinting at the sun. "So. What else?"
A light chuckle escaped his lips as he smiled. "You want them to think good of you. So you're trying to impress them. More often than not, you'll make a fool of yourself though we both know you're familiar with that."
"Hey!" Maya quickly objected. "You're one to talk, Mr. ' I think we connected pretty well.' "
When Maya imitated his voice, Josh laughed loudly. "Anyway, you also feel very protective over them. You don't want them to get hurt. So, often you end up doing stupid things. But that's what love does to us. At least, that's what I assume," Josh said, shrugging slightly as Maya glanced at him with a knowing smile.
"Thank you, Josh."
"Anytime."
Biting her lip, Maya looked down at her fingernails as she picked at them. "You can ask if you want," she said softly. "I know you got something. I can sense it."
A laugh escaped Josh's lips as he shook his head in awe. "Alright. Is there a particular reason why you asked that question?"
"I didn't say I would answer, did I?" A sly smile spread across Maya's face as she glanced at Josh. He bit the inside of his cheek, shaking his head in disbelief. Her joyful laugh rang through the air, bringing a gleeful smile to Josh's face. Grinning, Maya bumped into his shoulder and said, "I'm just kidding." Then she ran a hand through her hair. "I asked because I have had much on my mind since the trip to Texas. Because of the trip to Texas." Maya stared up at the clear blue sky. Her hands started to shake a little. "Something happened. A lot, actually." Her laugh sounded hollow. "I sat at a campfire with Lucas."
Josh risked glancing at Maya. Purposefully, she didn't meet his eyes. She was afraid she would say everything her heart wanted to share so badly. It took all the clenching in her teeth to keep the words from spilling. "He told me multiple times that he's in love with me." Maya paused in case Josh wanted to respond. He stayed silent. "Riley thinks these feelings are mutual, so now she's mad at me, and I can't convince her otherwise because she won't let me talk to her."
The trees swayed with the wind, and Josh concentrated on the rustling leaves. For a short moment, he attempted to slow down his heartbeat by breathing slowly. Meanwhile, he mulled over what to say. A question pounded against his head, urging him to speak up. But Josh knew this was not the right time to discuss their ongoing situationship. Maya had enough to deal with as it was. Josh didn't want to be another row on her endless to-do list.
"What did the others say? Do they know?"
Upon hearing his voice, Maya turned toward him. Once again, indifference masked the confusion she experienced. "They know," she responded. "I'm sure it would have been quite hard not to notice something was wrong."
"Yeah, probably."
"I just don't know what to do."
"That's a first." Maya's brief smile turned sour. It was not the expression Josh had hoped for. "Can I help somehow?"
She looked at him then. A frown creased her forehead. "I don't know. Can you get Riley to talk to me again?" she laughed.
Josh's gaze drifted over the swinging trees again. "I might." Her disbelief came in the form of a scoff. "What? You don't believe me?" He sounded offended.
Maya grinned at him. "That's not- I just- I mean," she stumbled over her words. "I don't think I'm fully convinced that, of all people, she would listen to you."
"Of all people?" Josh huffed. "You better be joking."
"Or what?"
Josh squinted his eyes at Maya's cheeky smile and raised an eyebrow. "You little-"
"I can't hear you!" Maya exclaimed loudly while covering her ears with both her hands. Then she got up from the bench and ran toward the entrance. Slowly, Josh shook his head while standing up as well. Then, with a content smile, he lazily trailed after Maya. She was waiting for him next to the opened gate they had walked through earlier in the evening. "Walk me home?" she asked once Josh was within earshot.
The fortunate smile he wore matched Maya's. "Of course."
And while they walked, Josh wondered when their time would finally come. Obstacles got thrown their way whenever they mustered up the courage to take a chance. Josh decided he would make her laugh, walk her home, and offer support for whatever Maya chose to do for now.
It had to be enough for the time being.