Chapter Text
๑‧˚₊🦇꒷︶ଓ︶꒷꒦⊹๑‧🩸˚₊꒷︶ଓ︶꒷꒦⊹๑🦇‧˚₊꒷︶
ㅤㅤI sped up my steps as soon as the camp walls entered my line of sight, almost stumbling on my feet, and as I approached the entrance I was immediately pulled aside by a man.
ㅤㅤ" Where were you ? They had to send a search party to get you back." he hissed.
ㅤㅤI managed to not flinch at his hostility. "I walked too far away. It won't happen again." I told him, keeping my voice firm.
ㅤㅤHe looked like he wanted to spit on me. "Tell that to Agamemnon. He's definitely going to want to talk to you about that and your other 'walks'."
ㅤㅤI ignored the crippling tension I was beginning to feel in my stomach as he let me walk back in, and I made my way to the white tent to deposit all the materials I had gathered. Anxiously I glanced at the entrance, afraid of many things: Agamemnon arriving and scolding me, Odysseus and the rest of the party arriving with an injured or even dead Achilles in their arms, Briseis arriving and somehow managing to get all the answers from me like she always did. Would Achilles get hurt? Would they get me in trouble? And if so, would I, perhaps, be exiled for a second time in my life? They couldn’t possibly abandon me in times of war, or could they?
ㅤㅤSome time after, the group returned, and some of them had wounds that needed to be tended to. Thankfully for me, no injured Achilles was in sight, but the tension remained tight in my chest, for he could've been left injured somewhere out there. They sat around the tent and many glanced at me, visibly annoyed by my disappearance. I tried to hide my embarrassment as best as I could, thankful my skin was dark enough that the heat in my cheeks wouldn’t be visible.
ㅤㅤAs I strolled around, I heard them whisper to each other, with the type of voice one uses when telling ghost stories, but with an air of genuine intrigue to it.
ㅤㅤ"I've never seen a wolf of that size my entire life!" one of them said. "It was like a bear!"
ㅤㅤ"I've never seen one either," another one replied, "do you think the gods had something to do with it?"
ㅤㅤ“They could have,” the first one agreed. “Too many stories of weird, dangerous animals for me to not believe in such a possibility.”
ㅤㅤI was wrapping one man’s wounds with bandages while they all spoke. “I’m sorry,” I began, “but what ‘wolf’ are you talking about? There aren’t that many around here.”
ㅤㅤI could see the displeasure in their eyes as soon as the words left my mouth. Clearly they didn’t want to talk to me, but still replied anyway. “When we were looking for you, we found some open fields and hills, and as we traveled, out of nowhere this huge wolf showed up, alone, and growling at us.”
ㅤㅤI frowned, and the man continued the tale. “Like I was saying… It was big. Its fur was weird, too. Usually wolves are gray or black. That one was… Yellow? Beige? A mix of both.”
ㅤㅤ“Seems like the thing brought a lot of trouble for you all.” I commented, eyeing all of the bandages I had to give them. Way too many for a normal wild animal.
ㅤㅤ“Indeed. First it growled, but even when we pointed our weapons at it and stepped back, it still attacked!” The man exclaimed, now redirecting the conversation to his colleagues and some other people who were visiting, who paid close attention. “And it chased us for quite a while, too. Thankfully I managed to stab that monster right on the side of the stomach.” He proudly added. “If we’re lucky, it will die soon.”
ㅤㅤI felt a chill down my spine.
ㅤㅤ‘I’ll distract them. Don’t worry about it.’ Achilles had told me then. I remembered it clearly - The weird spark in his eyes, the way the air turned cold. Oh, my dearest Achilles… What have you gotten yourself into?
ㅤㅤThe worry and fear prickled uncomfortably in my skin like a march of agitated ants. He couldn’t have possibly turned into an animal, could he? But then, I did see how fast he could run now, and how strong he became, and how much his senses had improved. Would it really be a surprise if he could transform into other things now, too? Not really. But he had died once – he could die again. The thought of him getting hurt or even being killed was nightmarish.
ㅤㅤA hand touched my shoulder from behind and I almost jumped. “Odysseus?” I called, clearing my throat, “You startled me.”
ㅤㅤHe sighed, smiling briefly for just a second. “You seem to be rather agitated, aren’t you? Did something happen while you were out?” He asked in a casual tone, but his gaze was distant, away from mine.
ㅤㅤI shook my head quickly. “No, no. No attacks or anything like that, I’m okay.”
ㅤㅤ“...Right.” He replied, and the air turned both tense and awkward. “Next time warn us if you’re going to wander off longer than usual, so that someone else can go with you. It’s too dangerous to be out there on your own and you know that.” His tone was dark. “Are you forgetting that we’re in a war?”
ㅤㅤ“I’m not!” I insisted, realizing that the panic was starting to infect my tone as well, so I cleared my throat. “I’m truly sorry. I should’ve warned this time–”
ㅤㅤ“ And the other times you left for unusually long hours.” He interrupted, raising his hand to signal for me to stop talking. “Don’t think Agamemnon didn’t notice. I’m not going to ask you why you were gone, after all, this whole medical stuff isn’t my business,” He smirked for a split second as if it was a joke. I didn't feel comforted by it at all. “But it’s not putting a good look on you. First, an attack from trojans where you get saved by people we haven’t seen nor know, then you start to leave at dawn and only come back at sunset?” He shook his head, an expression of disapproval. “I don’t suspect you in the slightest, but I know even you can see how much this damages your reputation, Patroclus. They might start thinking you’re working for the Trojans as a spy. At the beginning, there will be one or two whisperings, but then the rumors will start to spread around the camp and reach the king’s ears. I strongly doubt you’d want that to happen.”
ㅤㅤI took a deep breath and swallowed hard. His disapproving expression still carried a hidden emotion under his eyes, and I realized what it was: worry. Never in my life I thought Odysseus cared about me, nevertheless my reputation, but yet there he was. “I can assure you that’s not the case,” I said. “It won’t happen again.”
ㅤㅤ“I sure hope it doesn’t. This isn’t the first time you said that, but I hope it’s the last.” He replied, and then turned around and left, leaving me standing in front of the tent entrance while the rest of the patients still murmured to one another.
ㅤㅤI walked back to the area where we’d prepare tea and mixtures, my mind becoming a whirlwind of thoughts. Achilles could be in danger, perhaps injured, and perhaps they’d send more soldiers to actively hunt this ‘wolf’ that protected me, and that could lead to him dying. I wanted to leave, to check up on him, to make sure he was okay, but I had just made a promise not to. All I wanted was to spend time with my love, and yet here I was making enemies for myself, enemies in my own home.
ㅤㅤ“There’s one thing about that wolf that will give me nightmares, though,” I heard one of the men whisper to the others, a distant voice echoing in the corner of my clouded mind. “Most wolves’ eyes are brown, golden, sometimes silver. This one was green. The most iridescent, radiant kind. I will never forget the stare it gave me, like it was looking at my soul, like it wanted to send me straight to Tartarus.”
ㅤㅤThe most iridescent, radiant kind of green. The same greens I might never see again after today.
* * *
ㅤㅤThe conversation with Agamemnon had been surprisingly short.
ㅤㅤI was summoned to his tent shortly after I was finished with everyone’s injuries. I walked inside and was given a seat in front of him, on a table full of food that I accepted despite my lack of hunger. The last thing I wanted was to disrespect a host (especially a host like that man) and anger the gods any further.
ㅤㅤ“Well, Patroclus,” He spoke, his expression perfectly matching his voice, cold and severe, rasping through the syllables of my name and just barely mispronouncing it, like everyone did. “About your little expeditions … It has come to my notice, for quite a long time now, actually, that you’ve been taking much longer to return than normal.” A pause. I remained quiet, so he leaned forward. Something about his stare was slightly bird-like, like a hawk. “This is odd, don’t you think? Considering you’ve been attacked by trojans after leaving unexpectedly before, we all thought you’d avoid such dangerous circumstances. That doesn’t seem to be the case, though.” He raised an eyebrow, and I’ve been in a palace for enough time to know that he was expecting me to speak up.
ㅤㅤI took a deep breath. “I’m aware, and you have my deepest apologies.” Under the table, I clenched my fists, to hide the trembling of my fingers. I was satisfied with the firmness of my voice, though. It had thankfully been a skill I developed over the years. “I’ve been so affected by Achilles’ death, sir, it had a strong effect on me. I wanted to grieve for eternity, but in times like these, no man can ever rest, so I chose to occupy my mind with constant work, because I thought that it would, perhaps, help me heal from my pain.” The thing about lying is that it was much more effective when it had layers of truth to it.
ㅤㅤ“I suppose it ended up getting on my head, though,” I continued, now avoiding his gaze. It pierced through me and made the words more tricky to find, and I didn’t want to stutter in front of him. “I neglected myself to a point where I wouldn’t sleep, you can ask Briseis about that. I would leave to gather things and would lose my sense of time. I wanted to gather as many things as possible, so boldly I traveled farther and farther. I’m aware it was dangerous and incompetent, and once again I apologize.”
ㅤㅤI looked at him, and the iciness of his gaze, even after my report on how my grief had taken a toll on my emotions, made me wonder if that king even knew what caring for another human being even felt like. My mind wandered back to several years ago, at an arranged marriage, I could see a little girl and a little demigod on an altar, then her poor scream. The memory was so clear that I could still smell the blood on the floor. Had Agamemnon ever felt love before, or at all?
ㅤㅤ“Very well,” he said after a pause. “I understand your grief,” Do you? “And I’m happy to see that you seem to be improving, but we’ll be keeping an eye on you. I’m not satisfied with your behavior, Patroclus, and I want to make sure everyone in this camp is competent, safe, and… trustworthy.”
ㅤㅤI tensed up. They might start thinking you’re working for the Trojans as a spy.
ㅤㅤ“Nevertheless, you can go back to work now, you’re dismissed.” He continued. “One last thing, though. Don’t let that grief take a hold of your potential or your performance. Achilles might be gone, but his legacy lives on, and even without him, I’m certain of our victory in this war. We must move on and forward, and so do you.”
ㅤㅤI carefully got up from my seat. “It’s all alright, sir. Though I don’t think I could ever move on from his passing. I shall keep his memory for eternity.” I smiled slightly, before taking my leave.
ㅤㅤNot so long after, I was back into my own tent, staring at the things Achilles left behind. We had all agreed that they’d be returned to his father after the war, and for now they’d be kept with me. His armor was on a desk on the very corner, and I stared at it for a while. It felt strange to look at it, now. He always looked so stunningly beautiful in it, like a legendary hero from the legends I listened to as a child, and I couldn’t help but wonder if he’d make any use of it now at all. Perhaps I could keep it with me for remembering, just like I kept my mother’s lyre, although she was actually truly deceased now. Achilles had told me he had become immortal due to this transformation, too.
ㅤㅤI was so distracted by my thoughts I barely even noticed the footsteps at the entrance of the tent. “Good evening.” Briseis’ voice reached me, and I turned around to greet her with a raise of my hand.
ㅤㅤShe looked at me closely, and I could guess she was analyzing my state once more. Her mouth curved into a sweet smile. “You look so much better than before, thank gods! I’m so glad… I thought… I thought Achilles’ passing was making you die as well.”
ㅤㅤI sighed. “In a way, it was. I thought of going after him several times, but… I’m managing.” I said, avoiding her eyes and looking at the bed instead. All I wanted was to sleep. Lying to everyone was starting to make me tired.
ㅤㅤ“Well… That’s good to hear. I know how much you loved him,” She said, and even though she herself clearly didn’t like Achilles, she was very understanding of my feelings. She always had been. “But wherever he is, now, he’ll be waiting for you. You’ll meet again one day. I’m certain of it.”
ㅤㅤI glanced at her for a moment. “I hope you’re right.”
* * *
ㅤㅤI don’t know what exactly got into me, but I just had to break my promise. I waited, I waited three days, three entire days of being constantly on edge and diving so deep into my worry and my fear I found it hard to breathe, like I was drowning, falling into dark endless depths unable to move or swim up, like the entire world was crashing down around me and nothing I did made any difference. Leaving camp and looking for Achilles was the only way I could possibly reach the surface, to get rid of this terror that filled my lungs. Every breath I took while unaware of whether he was okay or not stung as if my organs were dry.
ㅤㅤIt was a full moon, but it was almost completely obscured by dark clouds when they allowed me to leave, sending last glances at me as I walked away from camp, almost like a silent warning, and I took it, nodding. Our meeting would be quick. I’d go there, find him, check up on him and then go back. They wouldn’t suspect a thing.
ㅤㅤBut as I stared into the forest I could feel the sweat in the back of my neck, right when a gust of wind passed by and I was hit by an icy breeze, feeling my body shiver with the coldness of the night. The forest looked particularly somber tonight, and I realized how lost in this plan I truly was. We haven’t contacted each other at all in these three days. I haven’t even tried talking to Thetis, gods have mercy on me if she finds out her son could be potentially dead because he tried to protect me out of all people. I had no idea if he was still ‘alive’ and he had no idea what happened to me. What were the chances of us even finding one another at all in this maze?
ㅤㅤI opened my mouth but then closed it. I wanted to shout his name, because something in me told me he would hear it and he would come to me, he would always appear for me, but calling him is exactly what got me attacked the first time, and this time I wasn’t as certain that he’d be around to save me from death’s claws. I paced between the trees anxiously looking around, hoping for any sight or glimpse of his sunlit hair or his mischievous cat eyes, but there was nothing to be seen.
ㅤㅤThe specific clearing I entered felt familiar and a small flame of hope lit up inside me as I analyzed the area. I still had a chance, a single, tiny fraction of a chance, that solely depended on me trusting my memory and knowledge of this environment, but it was the only chance I had. I looked down, sighed, and made my way towards a specific direction, in search of that abandoned house he had taken me to when we first met here.
ㅤㅤThe forest was a labyrinth, and many times I made turns only to realize they were the wrong path. I looked up, and the moon was high up in the sky, and I realized it’s been almost an hour since I left, and my shoulders tensed. Two hours was my new limit for those night trips. I sped up my pace, whispering a quiet prayer to Hermes to see if that’d be any help.
ㅤㅤI’m unsure if it was, but eventually the path did get all so familiar, the way the trees began to open up in a clearing and the grass parted in dirt and then pebbles, and then there it was, the house, in its old rotten wooden walls and roof, and the cold stone floors I knew were inside. A particular sight made my heart skip a beat, though – around the entrance door was a strange liquid, black like the night, and I couldn’t tell properly but it looked like blood. I hurried up.
ㅤㅤI stepped into the house which was almost pitch-black darkness, and I heard the tiny footsteps of rats somewhere in the shadows. My feet touched the stone floors and sent echoes across the walls as I made my way inside, walking slowly and carefully, using my hands to guide me so I wouldn’t bump into furniture. I think I was in the middle of some hallway when I stopped and shouted, “Achilles? Are you there somewhere?”
ㅤㅤMy voice echoed through the house and some rats moved in fear, although I couldn’t see them. I took a step forward and heard a splashing sound, realizing I had stepped on that black substance from before. I bent forward, not too close, and sniffed. Its scent was not of blood but of death, rot, decomposition. I winced and stood up, right when I heard a cracked voice from somewhere on my left, that at first I couldn’t recognize, for it carried a weird, unhuman hiss alongside it. “What are you doing here?” My hand fell down to touch the dagger I carried. “Patroclus?”
ㅤㅤPa-tro-clus.
ㅤㅤMy shoulders dropped and I sighed in relief. “Achilles!” I turned around to face where he had called from, and found an open door that led to an empty room. Moonlight bathed part of the room through a window opening, and right there, cowering on the floor and resting against a wall, was Achilles, his hair unbelievably messy, hiding his already shadowed face that hid under his crossed arms above his knees. I felt my eyes burn with an urge to cry from glee but then I felt my heart sink as I realized he was sitting on a pool of that black blood that streamed down from his abdomen. I remembered what the man had said back in camp, his words echoing in my mind: ‘Thankfully I managed to stab that monster right on the side of the stomach. If we’re lucky, it will die soon.’
ㅤㅤ“Achilles!” I repeated, my voice cracking as I took a few steps forward, reaching out with my hands. “A-Are you okay?” But as I approached him, he suddenly hissed, and I froze.
ㅤㅤ“Don’t- Don’t come closer!” He exclaimed, that same unhuman hiss following after his every word, like his voice was bizarrely corrupted. Then, he shifted uncomfortably and murmured, seemingly to himself, “They told me they’d come and help, why haven’t they come?”
ㅤㅤ“Who?” I asked, my heart racing. He still bled, so I rested against the wall behind me as I searched through my bag for bandages.
ㅤㅤHe didn’t respond, but when I had the bandages in my hands he looked up at me and growled. “I don’t need your help! You need to leave! They could arrive at any moment and then you’ll be dead!”
ㅤㅤI remained where I was, frowning and feeling my hands shake. “Yes you do, you’re bleeding! If I leave then you’re the one who’s going to die, not me.” Reluctantly, I took a step closer. “Achilles, tell me. Who’s coming?”
ㅤㅤ“The… The vampires ,” he hissed the word like it was a curse. “The creatures that transformed me. They told me that… That if I got badly hurt, they’d hear my call and help me, but it’s been days.”
ㅤㅤVampires? I never heard about such a thing before.
ㅤㅤ“You mean the creatures that killed you?” I said, shaking my head. “Why do you trust that they’d help you?”
ㅤㅤHe didn’t reply, and I couldn’t see his eyes. I continued to approach until I crouched beside him, trying to avoid the pool that gradually increased in size on the floor. He flinched when I reached out with the bandages. “Patroclus, please! Those things… As soon as they arrive, they’ll see you, see that you’re a human, and they’ll kill you, because that’s what we do–” He then shut his mouth.
ㅤㅤI froze for a moment, processing what I just heard. “We?” I whispered.
ㅤㅤHe didn’t reply, and I felt the air grow even colder around me. I cleared my throat.
ㅤㅤ“Listen, I don’t care if those things will kill me, you don’t even know if they’ll actually arrive or if they abandoned you, but differently from them I’m not going to leave you to die alone here. You’re bleeding and wounded and you need help…”
ㅤㅤHe tried to get impossibly away from me but the wall didn’t permit him to. “That’s not going to help.” He said, and I could hear the tension in his heavy voice.
ㅤㅤ“Why?” I asked.
ㅤㅤHe finally let his arms drop around him, and I finally saw his face. He was even paler than before, not a hint of redness anywhere, not even in his lips, and he looked uncannily weak, like an actual dead body. His eyes were slits and they glowed green in the darkness.
ㅤㅤ“My body doesn’t work the same anymore. I can only be healed by myself or others like me, but I can’t do that right now.” He explained, exhausted, and I realized his teeth now carried a pair of sharp fangs, the type I could easily tell would cause serious injury, and I realized I’ve seen them before, he had shown them before but only for split seconds during our meetings, quickly hiding them before I could point out. They were fully exposed now. I felt a shiver down my spine looking at them.
ㅤㅤ“Why?” I asked again, this time with more urgence.
ㅤㅤHe hesitated, and I realized that, to top it all off, he was shaking horrendously. His voice became a whisper, a mixture of a murmur and a hiss. “Not enough energy. I’m… I’m thirsty .”
ㅤㅤI sat down, fighting my urge to pull him close for a hug, or to touch his cheek, like my touch could magically restore the lost colors in his face back to life. “Do you need water?”
ㅤㅤHe chuckled, but it was a distorted sound, and his voice turned slightly sinister. “It’s not water that gives us energy.” He was looking at me fixedly and I suddenly felt tense.
ㅤㅤI got up, hiding my shaky hands behind me. “Well, then, tell me what it is, I might be able to get it…” I suggested, swallowing hard.
ㅤㅤHe watched me and his pupils got impossibly thinner. “No, you won’t…” He began, getting up slowly as I watched his movements become slightly snake-like, but even then, he visibly found it hard to move, wincing at the pain that stung from his wound. I hated it. “That’s why I need their help, because… Getting that energy is hard. I wouldn’t want you to do it.”
ㅤㅤHis vagueness was starting to frustrate me, but I took a step back upon feeling the intensity of his stare. “Achilles,” I began, and my voice cracked, so I cleared my throat. “Tell me what it is, please. I want to help you. I don’t care if it’s difficult.” I looked back at him, at his almost hostile gaze, and locked my eyes on his. “You mean the world to me.”
ㅤㅤHis gaze softened for a split second before he closed his eyes as if afraid of my reaction. Silence filled the room for a moment. “Human vitality.” He said, his words echoing and bouncing through the walls. “Most times we don’t let them make it, since they’d tell everyone they know, and they’d hunt us afterwards.”
ㅤㅤI frowned. Did he mean blood? He took a step forward and almost like a dance I mirrored his movement and took a step back once more.
ㅤㅤHis eyes were desperate. “Patroclus,” he urged me. “You need to leave. They’ll find me prey to feed on and I’ll heal myself and I’ll be okay…”
ㅤㅤI hesitated and looked away. “But you don’t know if they’ll even come.” I whispered at last. “They might be leaving you to die.”
ㅤㅤHe suddenly shivered and hissed, making me flinch. “Yes, but…” His voice, for a brief second, recovered its normality. “I… I wouldn’t want this prey to be you .”
ㅤㅤHe shivered again, and I took several steps back. His voice was starting to break again. “I don’t want… I…” He grumbled and growled, almost like some sort of animal, and I realized he was losing some sort of control, like his thirst was so strong he was losing his rationality. He recovered his senses for a brief second, covering his face with his hands. “Patroclus, I’m a danger to you at this very moment. You must leave. Now.”
ㅤㅤI glanced at the door, and for a moment I did want to listen to his warning, to leave and go back home, because he was acting terrifying right now and I had no idea what was going to happen, although I knew his body was begging him to go after me and my blood, a frantic need for survival. But then I looked at him again, at his bleeding stomach, at his weak limbs and his pale body and his wild, desperate eyes. I couldn’t leave him behind, no matter how scared I felt, no matter how dangerous all of this was, I couldn’t leave him to die. I would never forgive myself if I did.
ㅤㅤ“No,” I declared, my voice shaky. “I want to help you, because I love you and I don’t care what you’ll do to me. You said ‘most times’ so you don’t need to kill me if you don’t want to, right?” I took a step forward. “Then there’s nothing to worry about.”
ㅤㅤHe frantically shook his head. “I don’t want to feed off you ! I promised to myself over and over that it wouldn’t reach this point, that I would never let it reach this point, that I would never have to hurt you!” He shouted, and if he could still breathe he would probably be breathing really fast right now.
ㅤㅤI swallowed hard. “But it’s the only option you have, no? You’re too weak to hunt anybody else, and it’s clear that no one else is coming.” The words that came out of my mouth were unbelievable to me. Hunt. Achilles had to hunt people. My mind flashed back to that night with the trojans in the forest, and I felt my stomach twist.
ㅤㅤThe look he gave me triggered some sort of primal instinct that screamed at me to run, the look that a predator gives its prey when it’s about to pounce, but I stood firmly where I was. He suddenly dashed at me and slammed me against the wall, and I hit my head hard enough to feel slightly dizzy, grunting and shutting my eyes.
ㅤㅤI opened them again to meet his gaze, and his face was extremely close to mine, and he carried that same death scent from the black liquid. My heart was loud in my ears and my veins were begging and yelling at me to escape, to flee, but I forced myself to stay where I was.
ㅤㅤHumanity returned to his eyes for a second and he looked away. “No, I… I don’t want to do this to you, I promised myself…”
ㅤㅤI lifted my hand and grabbed his chin, forcing him to turn back at me. “Look at me, Achilles.” My tone was desperate. “I trust you. I’m not scared of you.” In all honesty, I was. I was scared of his wild and animalistic behavior, of his needle-sharp fangs, of the waves of shocking information I just received, that he had to hunt and presumably kill people to stay ‘alive’. But despite it all, this was still Achilles, my Achilles. “If this is going to help you survive and be okay, then what I’ll have to do doesn’t matter to me. I love you and I always have and always will. It’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make. For you and only you.” Despite my fear, my words were the purest and simplest truth. I’d do anything for him. A devotion almost as strong as the devotion towards a god, and while until his disappearance he was only half divine, now he could arguably be fully compared to a god, now that he had defied both fate and death alike.
ㅤㅤUltimately, he stopped protesting and used his ice-cold hand to gently trace the line of my throat, and I shivered upon his touch, that still trembled. His voice was a whisper and became surprisingly gentle, like a calming purr that had a soothing effect on my tension, and something told me this treatment was only for me, that he never spoke to his previous ‘prey’ like this before. Even in his despair, he still wanted to treat me with gentleness, and for a brief moment I felt myself relax, even if just slightly. “This is going to hurt… A little.” He warned lowly.
ㅤㅤI nodded, closing my eyes. He bent forward to whisper in my ear. “Do you promise not to scream?”
ㅤㅤI shivered, but I nodded again. “Just make it quick,” I murmured. He hummed.
ㅤㅤSome seconds passed that felt like eternity, like time was agonizingly freezing around me, and the anticipation filled the air so densely that I felt like I was out of air. Then, my eyes flashed open and I screamed, instantly covering my own mouth with my hand, as he suddenly leaned close and just sunk his fangs deep on my neck, and the pain burned across my whole body, making my eyes sting so much I was unable to hold back my tears. The pain was so immense that even with my noises muffled I was still loud, squeaking and crying while my other hand instinctively tried to push him away, but he pressed himself closer to me, and I gave up, a single thought crossing my mind. He needs this or else he’ll literally die.
ㅤㅤThen, to my surprise, the pain started to fade away, instead replaced by an intensely calming sensation, almost like some sort of medicine, applied directly on my veins, and I felt my shoulders and my hand drop, for now I no longer cried but rather quietly panted as I rested my head on his shoulder. The serenity then, to an even further surprise, turned into pleasure. The feeling of his fangs carved deep into my skin and the weakness with my blood being lost was, in a way, enjoyable, so enjoyable I couldn’t help but instinctively put my hands on his hair, pulling him impossibly closer, influencing him to keep on. I knew I shouldn’t feel like this, that this wasn’t right, that he could kill me if he kept going, but even then, almost manically, I simply didn’t care. To my dismay and my eternal shame for years to come, I liked it, I liked it so much I closed my eyes and I think I began to mindlessly whisper his name, and I could tell he was enjoying it as well, for I felt his hands gently touch my waist, a gentle touch despite how ravenous he was. I couldn’t think about anything at all. Time had stopped, but differently than moments before, I didn’t want it to come back, I wanted this to last forever, to remain in the dark with him while he used me to restore himself back to his non-life.
ㅤㅤSlowly I felt him release me, and I almost hissed at the loss. I took a moment to open my eyes, still stuck in that drug-like trance he put me on, and the view was a delight – The color in his face was brought back to a point so intense he looked completely normal again, his cheeks tinted red, his pupils almost completely dilated, and a single line of dark red that dripped out of his mouth and onto his chin. Our gazes were locked on each other and I suddenly felt a flaming desire to kiss him, to lick his mouth clean from that blood, my blood, that now ran warmly inside his veins and restored his health, kept him alive, kept him real. But I stopped myself, as my vision became less blurry, I noticed his gaze soften with something else. Regret.
ㅤㅤHe took some steps back and looked me down, then stared at his own hands. He no longer shaked, he no longer looked sick, and he didn’t even bleed that much anymore. This bite had been more than enough, and it filled me with relief, so why did he look so upset? How could he even be sad about this?
ㅤㅤ“Patroclus…” he said, his voice cracking once more. “Oh, may the gods forgive me, I’m so sorry…” He looked around anxiously, looking for an exit. “I-I didn’t want things to reach this point, I didn’t want this to happen, I…”
ㅤㅤI reached out but he moved away from my touch, and the distancing made my heart sting. “Achilles–”
ㅤㅤ“You don’t get it,” he whispered, looking down, his voice so full of pain I wanted nothing more than to run towards him and pull him close for a hug. He was frantic, his natural ability with words now lost and turned into almost nonsense rambling. “I’m a monster . I’m sorry. Now you know what I truly am, an undead man who needs blood to remain alive, a leech, a parasite.”
ㅤㅤI opened my mouth to protest but he continued before I could. “I used to kill for the glory, to dance amongst the slaughter of war, but now I need to kill for a necessity , to feed myself, to remain awake despite knowing I should be dead.” His gaze finally moved onto my own, his eyes back into slits, and I knew that if he was human, his eyes would be watery. “How can you love this ?”
ㅤㅤI wanted to speak, to tell him that he was wrong, that he was still Achilles, my love and my soul and my heart, but my words were stolen from my mouth, I was unable to speak. He walked towards the door.
ㅤㅤ“I can’t go out in the sun because the godly radiance would melt my cursed skin,” He whispered, looking out into the darkness while I watched. “There’s nothing human about me, Patroclus, and now you know exactly why. I’m so sorry.”
ㅤㅤ“Achilles, wait–” I took a step toward him.
ㅤㅤ“I’m sorry it has to end like this,” He said softly. “I loved you and still do. Please go back home. For me and for yourself.”
ㅤㅤAnd before I could say anything, he left the room and disappeared before my eyes, leaving me alone with the suffocating darkness and a stinging pain in my neck.