Chapter Text
1991
Stewy came to school with gelled hair.
For some odd reason, this fascinated Kendall. He was not usually the one to do the teasing. Maybe that’s why. This was some great material to use. Be the one to tease Stewy for a change.
It came out all wrong.
“What’s up with your h-hair, d-dude?”, dude was their new thing, couldn’t stop saying it, “Looks like you fell into a p-pit of tar…”
The thing is, Kendall can’t be funny. Or maybe he is. Just in his head. Stewy laughs at his jokes, but that’s because Kendall based his fun personality on Stewy’s personality. So it’s Stewy’s jokes, basically. Just said all weird and awkward because Kendall can’t trust anything that comes out of his mouth.
Stewy does a dry laugh, pats Kendall on the back as to say, dude, you don't know anything, and sits next to Kendall.
Stewy would soon switch to straightening his hair. Gel made his head look small. Plus…
“Seriously t-t-though, what’s up with the gel, dude? Smells like berries…”
Kendall didn’t like the strong smell.
If Kendall would understand, Stewy would respond with I think the curly hair threatens the popular white kids or I don’t like them calling my hair an afro, morons. But he wouldn’t understand.
“I don’t know, saw it on TV. Trying something new?” he eyed Kendall, embarrassed by how much his opinions mean to him.
Kendall mumbled, “Hm. Don’t like new,” and smiled stupidly towards Stewy.
It had become a routine for Kendall to go to Stewy’s after school. And he liked that. He much preferred being at Stewy’s than at his own home. Even though Logan was busy working most of the time, Roman and Shiv were far too much for him, Connor's occasional visits trying to connect with him made him sad, and Caroline was always distant, making the nannies and housekeepers do the work while she sat on the balcony drinking wine.
Stewy’s dad was always busy with work as well. Kendall had only met him once. Mihran. Seemed stressed but nice enough. The fact they both had dads that made them feel weird probably brought them closer. They never really talked about it, though. Especially Kendall. He couldn’t admit his dad was a problematic figure in his life yet.
Stewy led Kendall to the kitchen, qottab on the counter, ready to eat. Stewy indulged. Kendall hesitated. Stewy had gotten to the point where this annoyed the hell out of him. He picked one of the pastries up and tried stuffing it into Kendall’s mouth playfully. He resisted Stewy at first, then snatched the rest out of his hand and ate it, quickly.
“Dude…”
“Dude.”
Laughter.
They ran upstairs to Stewy’s room, still laughing. Once they got inside Kendall reached for Stewy’s gelled hair, messed it up, and rubbed the residue on Stewy’s shirt.
He shoved Kendall away, “Ken! What the hell…”
Kendall could not stop laughing, he fell onto the floor.
Stewy’s anger dissipated seeing how radiant Kendall looked. Stewy laughed along and sat next to where Kendall had situated on his floor.
They stayed like that for a bit.
“Stewy?”
“Mhm?”
“Do you… Do you think people like me?”
Stewy really didn’t know how to answer that. He knew the kids made fun of him behind his back. Stewy even had to do so to feel better about his social standing. He felt horrible afterward. They asked him how he could be friends with Kendall. They said they find him off-putting and awkward. Stewy didn’t know how to answer that either. He liked that about Kendall. Stewy didn’t want to lie to Kendall, he was obviously asking the question for a reason. They didn’t like him. But Stewy did. And he’s a person. So.
“Yeah. Yeah, dude. Of course.”
Kendall looked at him with his pathetic Bambi eyes. How did they go from laughing, falling on the ground, to this?
“I feel like you’re the only one who likes me,” and he was talking about school but he felt the same with his family in the picture.
Stewy let out a sigh.
“So what if that’s the truth, dude? I’m like the best. If I like you that means you’re the best too.”
Kendall smiled sadly, “Yeah, I’m the fucking best, dude.”
1993
Stewy didn’t introduce Kendall to drugs or alcohol. Yes, they drank and smoked and snorted and whatever the fuck together but Stewy didn’t introduce Kendall to that.
Kendall believes he did.
Stewy had finally convinced the asshole boys from school to let Kendall tag along to one of their stupid hangouts.
Kendall and Stewy were so fucking excited.
Well, Kendall was nervous too. Being all weird and twitchy while walking there. Freaking Stewy out and making him nervous because he doesn’t want Kendall to act extra weird there.
“Are you good man?”
“Yeah. Just- just…you know. Excited.”
“Yeah.”
The others weren’t as excited as Kendall and Stewy were when they arrived. Their presence seemed to quiet them all.
Just another Friday.
They all went to the backyard. There was a big bonfire, chairs, and booze.
Kendall was eying it. Scared? Intrigued?
He was allowed a glass of wine at special dinners. Just felt warm. Didn’t do much but that. He wanted more. It felt nice. Not too much in his life felt that way.
Everyone there was so goddamn boring to Stewy. And he hated how Kendall folded in on himself in front of them. That’s not Kendall. That’s not Stewy’s Kendall at least.
Most of them started drinking about 30 minutes in. Stewy passed. Assumed Kendall would too. No way they would be like those idiots.
Then he saw Kendall get up and grab two of the beers.
He had offered one to Stewy.
Before Kendall put it to his mouth, Stewy tried stopping him.
“Ken, really?”
Kendall just shrugged.
He drank his beer and when he was done with that one he moved on to the one he got for Stewy.
Then a couple more after that. And was Kendall again. Stewy’s Kendall? Not quite. Close though.
One of the assholes, Ben, Stewy thought, yells out, “Jeez!!! Who knew Kenny Roy could actually be fun.”
They laughed. Stewy huffed.
What the hell is this?
Kendall was laughing and joking around. Anxious mess nowhere to be seen. Is that even the boy who was losing it in his bathroom 4 years ago?
This wasn’t right.
Stewy pulled Kendall away from the boys he was seemingly having fun with.
“Stew.. get—get off me man,” Kendall slurred and Stewy felt disgusted.
“No. We’re leaving. I have to call your dad and say that you’re staying with me tonight.”
Kendall mumbled something incoherent.
As they were leaving Kendall stopped and turned towards everyone, waving his hands crazily, “BUH BYEEE!!!”
Stewy rolled his eyes and continued guiding him home.
They got to Stewy’s bedroom, Stewy dropped Kendall into his bed. He would sleep on the floor that night.
Stewy would get high two weeks later.
1994
On Valentine’s Day, Stewy got asked out by three different girls. Kendall got asked out by one. As a joke.
Stewy knew he had a natural charismatic feature about him, never hid that. He loved it about himself, and the fact that Kendall hadn’t been asked out by anyone wasn’t going to make him feel guilty about it. Kendall wasn’t a middle school sweetheart type of boy. Or a high school one either.
Stewy ended up spending time with Kendall at some dingy park. Kendall was being all mopey and annoying and it pissed Stewy off because he couldn’t be braggy around him.
“Bro, you’re still upset about this Allison thing? You never talk about girls with me, dude. Why does this matter all of a sudden?”
Kendall was thinking for a bit. Trying to accept the part of him that wasn’t Stewy.
“Fuck Allison,” Kendall tried mimicking his father’s venom. Didn’t work.
Stewy did an exaggerated surprised face. Eyebrows up. Awkward silence.
“So, who are you going to say yes to?”
Stewy made a stupid noise, “Hmm, I don’t know if I like any of them, man. Heather is hot I guess. I'll take her out, maybe.”
Kendall rolled his eyes, “Seriously Stew?” He stared at Stewy for a bit too long, “If you don’t really like any of them, what’s the point, dude? Just mess around and leave her?” Kendall was jealous.
“Yeah pretty much.” Stewy was joking but he and Kendall would get used to that notion in the future.
Chuckles. Then silence. Again. Kendall kept looking at Stewy by accident and catching Stewy doing the same.
“But Ken, serious here, why don’t you talk about girls with me? You can talk. Anyone you like?”
Kendall sighed, “It’s just my Dad—“
Stewy gets up from the bench they’re sitting on, making an exasperated noise, “Fuck your dad, man. Fuck him. What’s he say, anyway?”
“I-I don’t know, dude. You k-know… his expectations and shit. The girl has to be perfect, and come from money, and— and…”
The girl.
Girl.
Stewy’s not stupid. He knows there’s no way in hell that Logan would let Ken be with a boy. Let alone Stewy. But it doesn’t stop Stewy’s stomach from aching when he hears shit like that. Stewy knew he liked boys, and he accepted that about himself. It was just a fact about him. And if someone doesn’t like that then fuck them. Who doesn’t like him? Fucking losers.
“Hm. Yeah… I get it I guess. He’s a fucking ass.”
“Dude… you've barely met him. He- he’s fine, man. Just … has like… reasonable expectations.” Kendall’s a little too mad about this.
Reasonable. Sure.
Stewy has gone over to Kendall's plenty of times, he just much prefers Kendall going to his. Logan doesn't think of Stewy as a real person, waiting for Kendall to get over this phase of being friends with him. Saying a measly "hello" and handshake and retreating back to his office.
“Okay. Why don’t you invite me for dinner then? Should be nice.” He lets the word fizzle.
“Uh… yeah. Yeah.. sometime. Uh… I’ll figure it out.”
1995
It took Kendall half a year to “figure it out”.
Stewy had been pressuring Kendall about it and Kendall would come up with lies to dismiss him. But the pressuring finally worked. And Kendall was more anxious than he’d ever been. He’s not himself at home. He was mostly terrified of that. That and Logan’s insensitive comments. And Roman and Shivs' juvenileness, prone to getting yelled at. And most of all, the possibility that he will have one of his freak-outs. Most happen at home.
So when Stewy arrived on the Roy household doorstep, Kendall barely said a word.
Roman nudged Kendall, "You freak, say something to him. Jesus, look at him, I feel so bad, probably hates your guts and is only staying friends with you because you have no one else. Did you blackmail—"
"Ro, I'm right in front of you. You know that right?"
Roman turned to Stewy, "Did he blackmail you?"
Stewy rolled his eyes and walked towards Kendall, "Where's Shiv? And... Logan?" Stewy was admittedly scared as well. Anxious about whatever mess this was going to turn into. Logan probably hates him and definitely hates his kids.
"Shiv's in the TV room watching Full House or something... stupid show... Dad is—"
"He's in h-his office working, I wouldn't bother him." Kendall needs to have control over this, can't let anyone but him talk about Dad.
"Oh, okay..." Stewy felt uncomfortable, the first time Kendall spoke was in regard to Logan.
When it was finally time for dinner, everyone was seated politely at the grand dinner table, excluding Caroline, who was god knows where, and Logan whom everyone was anxiously waiting for. Kendall still hadn't talked to Stewy directly and he absolutely hated it. Kendall was only himself when he was alone with Stewy. He wished it could be like that all the time, and he regretted asking for this in the first place.
Logan strode into the room and sat down in a seat right in front of Stewy and Kendall. Stewy noticed Kendall shrinking into himself when Logan entered.
"Hmph, Kendall's only friend, how's he to you, Stewart?"
Stewy already hated him, "It's Stewy actually, and Ken's great—"
"He's quite an awkward boy, but he has potential."Roman was already trying not to laugh, Shiv slapped his arm, begging him to stop.
"Yeah?"
"And what about you, son? You doing good in school?", he was looking towards Kendall now.
"I think so? I have a 3.9 GPA so..."
"See Kendall? That's good. None of your 3.7 bullshit", he turned back to Stewy, "This boy doesn't study enough."
All Stewy could do was sit there. Just sit there while Kendall was probably dying inside.
Kendall mumbled, "I'm-I'm studying."
"What did you say?", he was getting angry.
"N-nothing."
Roman let out the laugh he was holding in.
Fuck.
"Romulus if you don't shut your mouth..."
Shiv put on her face of annoyance when she was really just masking her anxiety watching everything unfold.
Roman was still laughing, now with a hand over his mouth. Kendall had his head in his hand.
"Stewart is our guest, if you don't behave I'll go over there and give you what you deserve."
Logan raised his hand in a ready-to-hit position and Roman immediately stopped laughing.
As if on cue, the workers came to distribute their dishes of food.
Logan grunted.
"Okay. Let's eat."
Kendall barely ate, Stewy worried.
He begged to stay over at Stewy's after dinner.
They arrived at his house and Kendall still hadn't said anything since dinner. Stewy hadn't either. Didn't know where to start.
Kendall mushed himself between Stewy's beanbag and shelf.
And started crying.
"Fuck..." Stewy muttered under his breath, unsure what to do, what would comfort him.
He walked closer and sat in front of Kendall.
Kendall started banging his head on the wall, over and over, crying remaining while doing so.
"Ken."
He wouldn't stop.
"Ken!"
Kendall flinched out of what he was doing, "I-I-I'm sorry."
"No. Dude. I am. You ok? That was tough— your dad."
Kendall just nodded, "Can we— not... like... talk a-about it?"
Stewy was getting used to this, tired of this.
He nodded anyway.
1998
Kendall was 17 when he kissed Stewy for the first time.
Kendall took it back immediately, he was just high he said, but Stewy looked at him with the softest eyes he'd ever seen, not believing him for a second.
And it was sick. It was sick what Kendall did. Because just a year before Stewy told him he liked guys.
Stewy should've believed him because he would never do it sober. He should've believed him because it could've been one of his fucked up personalities that came out when he was intoxicated, wanting to hurt him purposefully.
But he didn't believe him. And he never will.
Kendall did it because he's a fuckup who doesn't know what he's doing. He didn't hurt Stewy purposefully but it hurt more than if it were intentional.
Worst of all, Kendall pretended as if nothing had happened.
When Kendall agreed to hang out at his place a couple of days later, Stewy took the opportunity to confront him.
Stewy had seemingly revamped his room in those couple of days, deeming most of it childish and sending stuff to the attic.
Kendall spent a bit gawking at the room, and Stewy rolled his eyes, knowing what was about to come.
"What's up with your room, man? It's like, super boring now." Kendall tried to sound cool about it but Stewy knew he hated change.
Stewy scoffed, adding a little annoyance to his voice, "Can't be a kid forever, Ken."
"Fuck off dude." Kendall always said that when he felt awkward.
He knew what was coming. He remembered what had happened.
Stewy broke the silence a couple of minutes later, "So what the fuck was Friday about, dude?"
"What are you talking about."
Stewy pinched the bridge of his nose, "Cut the bullshit, Ken."
Silence.
"You fucking kissed me."
"I was like.. fucking high dude..."
Stewy glared at him. He had never hated him more than he had at this moment.
"You know I like guys. What the fuck was the point of that? To make me upset? Because you sure as shit succeeded there, Kendall."
Kendall's eyes were wide, he was getting angry now, "No. No. I didn't—I wasn't—fuck—I was just curious. I don't know. I'm not a f—I'm not gay."
Stewy clenched his jaw, "You are probably a faggot if you're curious about that shit."
"Even if I was, my Dad wouldn't let me. I'm not fucking gay. Why are you so upset about this anyway?"
"Why am I upset? I haven't told anyone but you and you fucking used me as your little gay experiment."
More silence.
Stewy's quieter now, "Why do you think I told you in the first place? I fucking like you Ken."
They have matching sad eyes.
"Fuck...", Kendall looks like he's contemplating something, then he goes even quieter than Stewy, "Stew. I do too. That kiss was... I'm sorry. I don't know. Fuck. I can't be this. My dad."
"He doesn't have to know, man, fuck him"
Kendall chuckled sadly.
Stewy excused himself to the bathroom and cried his eyes out.