Chapter Text
James was in his apartment when he heard desperate knocks on the door . He was not expecting anyone at his place today, especially during the war.
He walked towards the door with his wand in hand and opened it to meet a flustered Sirius and a tired Remus.
-What the hell is this ?- shouted Sirius throwing the piece of paper in front of James.
James looks at it and reads the title:
The heir of the most ancient and noble Black house, Regulus Black, broke the silence.
James had visibly tensed but before he started reading the article he invited the two into the house.
-What's going on? - James asks, looking at how restless the two are when they all sit down on the couch.
-Regulus decided to write a public letter for both of us. And believe me it's not a love one if you expect it.- says Sirius but clenching his jaw and James realized that whatever is written in that article, Sirius now knows.
- Look, I don't want to read whatever was written here, I don't care what he wrote, so you can shout at me because I didn't tell you but I was naive and that's what happened. - explained James, giving him the prophet back.
- OK, you know what it says, it says that I didn't understand him at all, I hate him for his decisions, however, being just a child who wanted his family, that he didn't grow up confiscating love from someone like me, that he tried to leave home but they caught him and tortured him almost to death and he was afraid to try again.- Sirius stopped starting to cry. - That he asked for Dumbledore's help and he told him to be a spy for the order, that you left him without listening to him and a month later you started dating Lily, that we never cared about him and that you just wanted a reason to break up with him and he gave it to you, then he came to you a week ago to ask for his help and you didn't do anything, that's when he felt hatred for us for the first time and now he hates us so much but that won't stop him from killing Voldemort" Sirius finished shouting through tears making James cry thinking about the night Regulus had come to his door asking for help for something and he ignored it.
Remus was just sitting, stroking Sirius trying to calm him down for the second time that day James assumed.
They all sit in a tense and uncomfortable silence saying nothing. He doesn't know what to say. James always felt guilty that he started dating Lily then, he did it because he was nervous and wanted revenge so they broke up after a while.
After standing quietly for a while, a house elf appears in front of them.
- Kreacher? What are you doing here ?- asks Sirius with a strained voice and then James realizes that he is Regulus' elf.
-Kreacher was sent by Master Regulus to give this to James Potter .- says the elf giving James the envelope.
Regulus' writing was visible on the envelope.
- This is to have as a memory and to remember which of us was a bad man. Remember me .- James reads aloud what is written on the envelope. And he knows that Regulus wants me to tell them that they were the bad ones, not Regulus
-Kreacher, where is Regulus? - Sirius speaks again.
-Master Regulus has been gone since this morning, Kreather doesn't want to tell you, but blood traitor Dumbledore is to blame , he sent Master Regulus there himself and never came back. - says the house elf and James feels his heart breaking, he feels the pain that Regulus wanted us to feel when he wrote the letter. He knew it would n't be, that's why he did it.
Sirius stood up and started to leave, Remus and James following. He knows where he's going and he knows what he wants to do.
*∼*
When they got to Dumbledore they were all nervous angry and angry.
-What the hell did you do to my brother ?- yelled Sirius much louder.
- Mr. Black, let's calm down first.- Dumbledore says in a casual voice that makes James explode.
- What should we calm down, when a 15-year-old child comes to ask for your help, you don't send him to the hole with snakes, but you help him. - shouts James now.
"That was the best way to win this war ," continued Dumbledore in a calm voice.
-I don't care about your war, you sent Regulus to his death, if you wanted to win this war you have to do it yourself, not using powerless children.- shouted Remus this time, he was a good friend with Regulus for a while, reading together and learning, so you look after him like the others
-Gentlemen, calm down, he made his decision. Sacrificing one life to save thousands .- Dumbledore didn't even blink when he said that.
-I will kill you, I don't care if the whole planet dies, no one manipulates my brother to send him to his death.-Sirius heads towards Dumbledore with the bench raised.
-You know that if you do that you will be imprisoned , right ?- said Dumbledore, and Sirius was about to say something but a voice interrupted him.
-I have to get there anyway, so I don't mind if I do it for him.- said a voice from behind them, turning to meet a bloodied Regulus with his wand pointed at Dumbledore.
-I think that if I kill you here you would be the first victim that I won't regret, ok maybe the second.-says Regulus throwing something in front of Dumbledore that seemed to be Voldemort's head.
-So you succeeded? Then why are you being so dramatic? - says Dumbledore
- because you destroyed my life, you destroyed my childhood and any ounce of happiness I could have, just to fulfill the prophecy. But look carefully, all this will come back to you and I will take care of it. - says Regulus who did not look at anyone but Dumbledore.
When he looks away from Dumbledore, he looks at James.
- where are you holding your disgusted look now, love?- regulus asks mockingly
-I ..I'm sorry.- is all James can say
-Oh, I know you think so, you always did, that's why you were the reason for everything. I really thought I was going to die today and when I almost did, I saw you and your idiotic smile and realized I had to kill him personally to make sure the joy on your face didn't disappear.- regulus says softly looking at james face and james stays still
-You said he hates us, he has to do it, we deserve it.-said James suddenly
-I've always been dramatic, and how could I hate you, I was nervous, angry and sad because you didn't understand and listen but I understood your reaction.- says Regulus looking at Sirius now who just sits next to Remus and watches.
- Reggie, I'm sorry, I was the worst brother, I should have understood you and helped you understand too, but I behaved like an idiot .- says Sirius through tears approaching Regulus
-Yes, you were and yes, you were supposed to do that but now I really need a healer before I bleed to death.- Regulus says pointing to his wounds.
*∼*
Now they are all in James' house. No one spoke they all just looked at each other in uncomfortable silence.
Regulus' wounds were bandaged but they were very deep and numerous which would take quite a while to recover from or at least when he had to exercise which Regulus does too much with such injuries.
- Does anyone want tea ? - James asks to distinguish the atmosphere, but no one answers.
-Why are you being so dramatic ?- cried Sirius suddenly looking at his brother.- You had to write a goodbye letter to all of London?
- It was meant to hurt you, I told you before, I thought I was going to die. - says Regulus calmly, but his statement is as sharp as the letter.
-And how did you escape ?- asks Remus looking at Regulus' wounds.
- at the last moment when I was being pulled under water, a memory came into my head that made me cast the patronus spell. That's how we got everyone away and we were able to get out .- explained Regulus and James remembers the time when he was helping regulus with the spell and how frustrated he got when he couldn't do it.
- Was I your memory? You said you were thinking about me when you were there. - James gets the courage to ask.
-Yes, it was you, the moment of our first kiss more precisely, when I was in the cave I realized how happy I was at that moment.- he explained sadly, letting his feelings show for the first time.
No one was saying anything, there was silence again, everyone stopped in their thoughts.
-I think I should leave now.-says Regulus as he gets up and starts to leave.
- Wait, what? Where are you going ?- Sirius stood up, stopping him.
-At home, soon they will be looking for all the devourers to shut them up and I don't think it would be good to be with you.- explained Regulus .
-But they have no way to lock you up, you killed Voldemort.- says Remus.
-They don't know that, Dumbledore will assume everything as usual.
- That's not right.- shouts James frustrated.- We know the truth so we can help you .
-There's no point anyway.-explains Regulus and the faces of the other boys become theistic and confused
- why not? - James asks
- because I betrayed my mark, I betrayed Voldemort the killer, which in a few days will become torture, which will lead to my death.- says Regulus and now they are all drowning in tears.
- Come on, until yesterday nobody cared about me, do you mean that now you're going to cry at my funeral? - mocks Regulus with a smile on his face.
-I was going to do it before.- that's all James says
-Some time ago, your face didn't say that.- replied Regulus
-I didn't want to suffer for you more than I did. If I were to receive you that day I thought you would leave again - James explained
- my dear Jamie, I didn't leave the first time either, you left for someone else, what makes you think I would have left then.
-I am sorry. I'm really sorry. I was just angry and nervous. I was n't with Lily then because I didn't love you anymore because we do it and I do it, I think I always will but I didn't know how to control my emotions.-tears are flowing standing face to face with regulus now
-None of that matters now, but I love you Sirius even Remus. But my love was meant to belong only to you Jamie.- Regulus leans in a soft kiss that he shares with James.- Goodbye!- is all he says before leaving, but neither of them follows, because I know it is in vain.
Everyone stands still, lost in time and reality.
*∼*
It had been a week since the meeting with Regulus, in which everyone had tried to find him but to no avail.
So one morning James' door suddenly opens revealing a Black brother. Not the one he's expecting.
Sirius sat there with a tearful face and a prophet in his hand like the day regulus' letter was published.
James knew what it was then, he could feel what Sirius had to say but that didn't stop him from taking the sheet from Sirius and reading it.
Regulus Arcturus Black was found dead in the astronomy tower of Hogwarts School of Magic. It seems that he committed suicide in the most gruesome ways .
James is crying, screaming, he doesn't know what he's doing he just collapsed on the floor crying, feeling a terrible pain coming from his whole body, he couldn't hear anything, he had only felt Sirius' hands at one time surrounding him.
*∼*
The next few days were a blur, spent with James in bed, away from the world. Even though the war is over, now James is fighting another internal war that he is losing by the minute.
So when his bedroom door opens he doesn't even bother to look who it is.
-James, you received this letter, it's from him. Remus says before walking out of the room and leaving him
James didn't think he wanted to read it, he didn't even have the strength to get up, but he thought he owed his dear Reggie at least that much.
Then he opened the letter and started crying just seeing his writing.
My dear Jamie,
Now I know this news will hurt you but I have to do it. Several days have already passed and the dark mark is spreading all over my body suffocating me in terrible pain. I planned how to do it and where. In our place, where our love blossomed, the last place I want to see before I go. I know it hurts right now, but it will pass. You will love someone else and have a happy family and forget about me. You just have to fight, you fought a war to forget about me will be much easier. I love you and hope you are happy without my darkness suffocating you.
yours always
Regulus.
James cries, he can't bear the thought of him leaving. She can't think how to forget him. Regulus Black is the love of his life, how is he supposed to live without him?
The answer was found out in the following days as: He cannot.
Thus all over London there was talk of James Potter's suicide in the astronomy tower. Holding in one hand the letter from Regulus and in the other one that reads:
I can't live without you, you should know better.
So with a war over, two people still died in the most tragic way leaving behind the rest of the people who were waiting for them, only to not live in this world without each other. Because Regulus Black doesn't exist without James Potter, and James Potter doesn't live without Regulus Black.