Chapter Text
Jinshi's headache is getting worse and his head feels like it's splitting apart. He is drinking lots of water, as the apothecary had suggested by relaying the message via Gaoshun, but the headache doesn't go away. It's odd, while the apothecary usually avoided him unless necessary, now she's even doing things to keep from meeting him for things she normally would, such as advising him on how to treat his hangover, instead choosing to use Gaoshun as a messenger. She wasn't acting like this the day before. And he doesn't remember anything happening between them between then and now. The only time anything could've happened was the space of time he doesn't remember the prior night. He massages the bridge of his nose as he tries to recall, but that just makes his head hurt even more.
Gaoshun probably made sure he got home, so he might know what happened. Jinshi asks him, "Gaoshun, did anything happen last night? The apothecary's been avoiding me."
"Doesn't she always avoid you, Jinshi-sama?"
"You know what I mean."
"I found you asleep on her back and cuddling her this morning. She said you grabbed her and didn't let go. It seems she was there all night."
He chokes. He WHAT?
He collects himself.
As embarrassing as it is to know that he did that, something still isn't adding up; if that's all there was to it, the apothecary would be annoyed with him, sure, but not avoiding him. He wants to go and ask her himself, but she didn't seem comfortable around him when she brought him his tea, she immediately turned and left, not even taking the time to be formal like she usually did. It struck him as odd. The apothecary he knows is very aware of their difference in status and was always incredibly careful and formal around those above her. The fact that she even forgot about that was baffling.
He wants to seek her out and ask her directly, but he doesn't want to make her uncomfortable. He sighs and continues to make his way through his paperwork.
Knock, knock, knock.
It's the apothecary.
"Come in."
She walks into the room and quickly places some medicine on his desk.
"For your headache," she speaks in a curt manner, "Gaoshun told me it might be getting worse."
She then immediately goes to take her leave.
"Apothecary, wait."
She stops in her tracks and slowly turns around to face him, "...Yes?"
Jinshi dismisses Gaoshun so he's alone with her and poses his question, "Why have you been avoiding me?" A more subtle way of asking what happened.
"What do you mean?"
He says the implied question out loud, "Did something happen last night?"
She flinches and looks away. That's all the confirmation he needs.
"So something did happen."
"...No."
She's kind of cute when she lies; she's pretty bad at it. No matter what she does, he's always enamoured with her.
He shakes the thought and gets back to the topic at hand.
"Apothecary."
It's quiet as she decides to answer and tries to find her words. Jinshi waits patiently for her to speak.
"You were crying last night," she pauses and makes eye contact, "You grabbed me out of nowhere and started cuddling me; I tried to get you off, but couldn't, and when I looked back at you, you were crying." She fiddles with her bandages and looks away again, waiting for a response.
Oh.
So that was why she was avoiding him. It must have been awkward for her to see that side of him, especially when he's her superior. And even if he was blackout drunk, he should have been able to control himself and hide his feelings. He did it all the time. Why was it different with her? He could only ever be this vulnerable with Gaoshun, and that was because he was pretty much a father to him. Why did he feel so at ease with her?
~~~~
Maomao sees the surprise on his face even though he tries to hide it. He had been getting worse and worse at hiding his true emotions from her as of late, as evidenced by the previous night. Maybe it's because he trusts her with them. Trusts her to not exploit any of the weaknesses shown to her.
Around others, he's still the Jinshi she had known before, but now it's obvious to her that he had always had his guard up. Despite his open and carefree attitude, she can see that his smile doesn't quite reach his eyes, and his words don't match what he means. Sometimes, when it's just her and him, she can see that facade slip. He'll give her a genuine smile, seemingly just as sweet and saccharine as his usual ones, but they're tinged with a longing so deep it chokes her.
She had mostly been ignoring it up until now. She thought that she was imagining things, projecting emotions that weren't there onto him. Last night was when she realised that she wasn't seeing things. The younger, almost childish side of him she saw slip out every once in a while was there on full display. Maybe it was because he was drunk, but she knew that he was always vigilant, even when intoxicated. Maybe he subconsciously felt safe with her and relaxed. It was a vulnerability she had never been privy to.
She didn't know how to feel upon finding out that Jinshi didn't remember crying. That he was so intoxicated that he had blacked out. It felt incriminating, like she had seen something she wasn't supposed to see.
Finally, he speaks, breaking her out of thought, "Oh, I see... Did I make you feel uncomfortable?"
That's not the response she expected. She doesn't know exactly what she expected, but it wasn't that.
"No! Not at all, I just... didn't know how to respond to that. Especially since you didn't seem to remember."
Technically that wasn't really true. Sure, it was part of the reason she didn't want to see him, but it was also her overcompensating. The truth is, she couldn't get her mind off if him all day. It was just worry at first, wondering if he was doing alright or needed anything, but suddenly it wasn't just that; she was thinking about how dejected he looked, how his tears pattered onto her neck like rain, how the sunrise had outlined his features, how she wasn't even that annoyed by his pretty face.
Jinshi studies her for a moment, knowing she isn't quite being truthful, but accepts the answer anyways.
"Ah, I'm glad."
He gives her an enchanting smile, it's only half genuine, just like her answer was.
They seem to come to a tacit agreement to never speak of this again and go back to their normal routines. They pretend that everything has gone back to normal, but Jinshi can't help but let his mask slip more, and Maomao can't seem to stop her mind from straying to thinking about his somewhat forced smile.
Everything goes to the status quo, except both feel like they got to know the other a little better.