Chapter Text
[#Family!]
Description of chat : Neka pati koga smeta
Members:
Lukica (Luka Modrić)
Livi (Dominik Livaković)
Mandzo (Mario Mandžukić)
Gvardi (Joško Gvardiol)
Vida (Domagoj Vida)
Suba (Danijel Subašić)
Raketa (Ivan Rakitić)
Perija (Ivan Perišić)
Broz (Marcelo Brozović)
Dejan (Dejan Lovren)
(Admin)
Šime (Šime Vrsaljko)
Majer (Lovro Majer)
Soso (Borna Sosa)
Kova (Mateo Kovačić)
Rog (Marko Rog)
Pjaca (Marko Pjaca)
Reba (Ante Rebić)
Krama (Andrej Kramarić)
—-
—-
Dejan: Sup losers
Lukica: Dejan, what even is this???
Dejan: Your new home, tata Luka
Lukica: 👁️👄👁️
Lukica: God no
Šime: Nice work, you traumatized him
-Zlatko Dalic has been added to a gc-
Dejan: Tata!
Dalic: Ne
–Zlatko Dalić left–
Mandzo: At least he saved himself
Sime: No you're not leaving you're staying here with us whether you want it or not!
Suba: Ruining my dreams since I joined the nt
Reba: No that's france keep UP Suba
Pjaca: Please don't mention france 💀
Suba: I actually can't believe i had to play with Mbappe back in monaco
Gvardi: YOU PLAYED WITH MBAPPE?
Suba: Yep I did
Dejan: Damn couldn't be me
Suba: I even scored from free kick once and his face was PRICELESS
Livi: I would never kick from a free kick
Šime: Take notes, Livi, be impressive enough to impress Mbappe
Lukica: And then check mark it because you're the best goalie in the world
Livi: @Lukica I'm melting from kindness-
Lukica: ❤️
Dejan: LUKA IS GIVING FREE LOVE
Gvardi: THIS GC WILL BE FULL OF FREE LOVE
Mandzo: What fucking love do you buy?
Suba: Cats
Mandzo: Fair enough
Livi: Dogs
Majer: Exactly
Majer: Joško is costing us a fortune
Gvardi: :00
Raketa: I agreeeeee
Lukica: RAKETA WHERE HAVE YOU EVEN BEEN
Raketa: Away
Raketa: Why am I even here I left back in like 2020
Suba: Because we need YOU
Dejan: Also we got you domaćica
Raketa: I'm on my way
Dejan: BUT ŠIME ATE IT-
Raketa: ŠIME
Šime: AYO DON’T BLAME ME
Šime: BLAME HOW FUCKING TASTY THEY ARE
Lukica: No, I’m blaming you
Livi: ...
Livi: I actually saw dejan eating them
Livi: He told me not to tell anyone
Gvardi: That's true
Dejan: Traitors
Dejan: Both of you
Raketa: Wtf
Gvardi: That’s because you didn’t give us any!
Dejan: How was I supposed to know you wanted some?!
Livi: WE ASKED YOU ŠKRTICA
Lukica: Help where is this conversation even going?
Dejan: I didn’t hear it
Šime: You were too busy stuffing you face
Raketa: We’re getting off track, where’s my domaćica?
Raketa: This reminds me of my Barcelona days when Messi kept stealing them
Lukica: He did what?
Lukica: And on the kitchen counter
Lukica: Hurry up, there’s only one box left and I can hear a stampede of 20 hungry croats running for it
Raketa: I’M COMING
Suba: ….You what???
Raketa: Ew
Livi: ????
Mandzo: Guys stop you're going to ruin his innocence
Gvardi: What??
Mandzo: And Joško’s
Šime: Lovro you?
Majer: I know what he means if that’s what you’re asking
Šime: YOU RUINED HIM
Manzdo: That’s it I’m taking that domaćica
Lukica: Over my DEAD BODY.
Raketa: WHAT DID I DO?
Suba: https://tenor.com/view/pedro-monkey-puppet-meme-awkward-gif-15268759
Lukica: Suba you’re on my hit list
Suba: DON’T YOU DARE.
Rog: I enter here for a second and I see absolute chaos
Majer: Hi Rog
Raketa: I got the box
Vida; ROG IT’S BEEN 84 YEARS
Rog: Are you guys fighting over domaćica?
Rog: Or sum?
Dejan: Of course what else would we be fighting over?
Suba: I can see Ivan and Luka hugging
Suba: I’d call it cute if I wasn’t on the HIT LIST
Majer: Rog help
Rog: I don’t think I can do anything
Mandzo: Luka, get him off the hit list
Lukica: I’ll consider it if he apologizes
Mandzo: You heard him Suba
Suba: …
Livi: Please tata
Suba: Fine
Suba: Sorry IG
Lukica: Hm
Lukica: Fine
Raketa: I’m not forgiving him I’m going back to Sevilla bye
Perija: Is it possible for this chat to not be chaotic?
Dejan: Dumb question
Perija: @dejan (Unoreversecard.jpg)
Dejan: WHAT IS THAT EVEN SUPPOSED TO MEAN?
Gvardi: Someone stop Ivan!
Lukica: Tell Joško you’re staying
Raketa: Fine, I’m staying
Gvardi: Let’s goooooooooooo
Lukica: Now that we’ve calmed down it’s time for some quality time
Suba: No one’s calmed down
Vida: He’s right, Dejan and Ivan are fight fighting over domaćica
Lukica: @dejan STOP FIGHTING I’LL BUY YOU DOMAĆICA TOMORROW
Dejan: Promise?
Lukica: YES
Dejan: Thank you tata
Lukica: Istg if you call me tata again
Šime: But tata
Lukica: …..
Lukica: ONLY THE 2022 SQUAD CAN CALL ME THAT.
Dejan: TATAAAA
Majer: Tata
Lukica: Yes Lovro?
Majer: Just testing
Dejan: BRUH
Šime: HOW CAN HE CALL YOU TATA?
Lukica: Because he’s from the 2022 squad. plus my real son.
Suba: Luka gave birth confirmed
Mandzo: …
Raketa: …
Lukica: …
Vida: …
Šime: …
Dejan: …
Suba: What? Lovro looks like his small close
Broz: Imma take the blame, he’s high rn
Broz: He got into my stash
Lukica: I’m not a woman?
Raketa: I’m leaving
Šime: No you fucking don’t
–Šime added Mourinho–
Raketa: NO
Raketa: WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS?
Majer: Wait what? Why is that so scary?
Livi: Why did he add Mourinho?
Gvardi: Idk??? He didn’t even coach him I’m pretty sure
Livi: When he sees me he’ll have war flashbacks
Gvardi: Why?
Livi: Let’s just say I defended well
Livi: And he coached Spurs at the time
Livi: Plus Orša scored
Mandzo: Ha
Raekta: He’s not online right
Šime: Bro is shaking in his boots
Dejan: More like cleats
Gvardi: Why is Raketa so scared of @Mourinho?
Raketa: Don’t TAG him
Lukica: There’s reasons
Mourinho: Hello?
Mourinho: I see someone tagged me
Raketa: No.
Raketa: Fuck
Suba: Swearing in the gc Ivane? Tch tch
Raketa: Istg
Vida: He’s in your walls lmao
Gvardi: Fuck
Lukica: JOŠKO
Mourinho: What is this?
Dejan: Mourinho this is the Croatian nt group chat
Mourinho: I see
Mourinho: But why am I here?
Šime: We are preventing @Raketa from leaving
Dejan: And Zlatko said no but yeah that too
Mourinho: So he wants me to coach all of you?
Dejan: Technically yes
Raketa: No.
Dejan: Tf you mean no?
Raketa: I don’t want him coaching us!
Lukica: He’s a good coach, Ivan
Raketa: IDC
Dejan: HE WILL COACH US ALL WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT
Suba: Plus, sometimes fear is the best teacher
Suba: Remember Lovro and the spanish Nt?
Mourinho: Ivan you’re going to run 20 circles tomorrow
Raketa: ………
Majer: Hi Mourinho
Broz: 🫡
Mourinho: Hello Lovro
Gvardi: Bro is fanboying
Majer: Traitor
Livi: I can just imagine Ivan sweating like hell tomorrow and losing all the domačica he eats
Raketa: ….
Raketa: Can he run with me?
Mourinho No.
Mourinho: Plus he’s not wrong, you eat too much of it, it is not god for any of you
Raketa: But
Lukica: You HAVE been eating a lot of it
Livi: I’m happy that I’m not running 20 laps :3
Kova: Can I run with him? He’ll be lonely
Mourinho: Hm
Mourinho: Fine
Raketa: I could kiss you Mateo
Kova: Please don’t
Suba: That’s someone else’s job
Broz: Okay let’s go get you some water Suba
Suba: I’m not thirsty
Broz: No but you need it to sober up a bit, you’re high
Mourinho: Why is he high?
Livi: Probably stole Broz’s cigars
Gvardi: Or crack
Livi: Oml that as well most likely
Gvardi: He wanted to be the ultimate chill coach
Mourinho: Looks like I’ll have to work very hard on all of you if we’re going to win the euros
Lukica: Of course coach
Mourinho: That means no more domaćica for any of you
Raketa: …
Dejan: …
Šime: …
Raekta: Life? Without? Domaćica?
Manzdo: I think this will do you some good honestly
Dejan: BUT A MONTH AND A HALF WITHOUT IT? HOW WILL WE SURVIVE?
Manzdo: Like normal people?
Šime: WE’RE DOOMED
Mourinho. I’m surrounded by addicts
Majer: Coach, can I suggest something?
Mourniho: Yes you can
Majer: I know how to make healthy domaćica if that helps?
Mourinho. Healthy healthy?
Majer: Mhm
Mourinho: Hm.. fine. Yes.
Raketa: Thanlk you Lovro
Dejan: Kid is a saint
Šime: Luka your son is top tier
Lukica: He is
Livi: They force fed us so much domaćica before the penalties in the nation’s league that when we got out I felt AWFUL
Dejan; Liar
Livi: You shoved it down our throats wdym?
Lukica: You kind of did Dejan
Majer: That’s why I missed my penalty
Mourinho: Hm
Livi: I'm down for healthy domaćica though
Majer: I’ll start making them
Gvardi: CAN I HELP?
Majer: Sure
Livi: Can I watch?
Majer: Yup
–Livi, Gvardi and Majer are offline–
Mourinho: I like them
Lukica: Oh, really? I’m happy to hear. They ARE great kids.
Mourinho I don’t doubt you
Mourinho: This is either going to be very hard or very easy