Chapter Text
No matter who it is, there comes a day we have to say farewell.
Mikasa sighed.
She knew then this was true...yet she never once imagined it would apply to Eren.
For so long now, she had held onto some naive belief that their days would always be spent together, their lives permanently intertwined. And maybe they were. Just not in the way she had imagined, not in the way she had hoped for since they were nine years old.
Had it really been that long? She sighed.
Her heart sank into the pit of her stomach. Mikasa hadn't felt so simultaneously numb and in pain since her youth. Deep down, she had known the familiar ache would return the moment she had stuttered out her lame response to his question back in Liberio.
He had disappeared, then reappeared…and done so again and again. It became a painful loop. That didn’t stop her from hoping his next return would be joyful. It didn’t stop her from wishing for butterflies where she had begun to feel pain.
She cradled his head in her arms now, long hair sweeping across her legs. He looked so different from the Eren she knew and loved. If she closed her eyes, she could almost pretend it wasn’t him. After a moment of proving her point to herself, the Ackerman sighed heavily. Tears burned in the corners of her eyes.
She didn’t want to cry.
Mikasa wished she had been able to tell him just what he meant to her. The regret of not having vocalized the emotions she had been harboring for years now washed over her. There would be no more opportunities. Not in her lifetime at least.
Would they meet in the afterlife? Would he wait for her?
She wasn’t sure now, not after everything that had transpired.
Dizziness warped her vision as her knees threatened to buckle. She had dreamed so many times of feeling his hair against her, his face cradled against her chest. What a cruel twist of fate to have gotten what she wanted in this manner.
Why did she have to keep losing him?
First to a titan. Then to the Scouts. Next to his trek for freedom.
And now…
Why do you always go far away?
Somehow, Mikasa ended up back with her comrades. How she had made it, she didn't know. She felt numb. She suddenly remembered the feeling of his body on hers. Firm and secure. Hers.
Was he still hers? She held his lifeless head a little tighter.
How many times had she held him like this before? How many times had she cradled him in her arms, listening and hoping for a heartbeat. This time there would be no heartbeat. There would be no soft breath against her cheek, no sober green eyes meeting her gaze.
She swallowed back a sob. Her entire being ached. Who would she run to now? Where would she land now that her family, her home was gone? There was no more Eren. Her beloved was gone. There was no more home.
There was only Mikasa and the vast emptiness that had crept in the shadows of her life since she was nine years old.