Chapter Text
you can’t escape the gays if the gays are running after you
rugby slay lord
> guys
> i’m gonna add immy and sahar
lesbean
> love sahar
> but
> the ally? must we?
rugby slay lord
> she’s my friend and i adore her so yes
rugby slay lord renamed this group chat paris squad
rugby slay lord added glimmergen
rugby slay lord added sahahahar
glimmergen
> hi again :))
TOO SHORT
> christ alive
rugby slay lord
> tara.
glimmergen
> its okay
rugby slay lord
> no it isnt
> everyone here is going to treat my best friend like a human being please
> thank you
> awkward talk over
> darcy and tara i release you
TOO SHORT
> so pointed
lesbean
> anyone would think we were being targeted
rugby slay lord
> no shit
sahahahar
> heyyyy
> nice group chat
> why are all the saved snaps mugs of tao
taoseph
> ask twatface
tao is innocent
> i treasure your friendship xx
gay nerd
> i treasure the mugs
> ooh what if i put them on a mug
done with your bullshit
> 10/10 would purchase
rugby slay lord
> oh that reminds me
> did you want me to add james to this
> i don't have his number
done with your bullshit
> NOPE
> i am trying to figure things out
> it's not going super well
> we have our own gc anyway
taoseph
> without me? :(
done with your bullshit
> its not a chat like this one
> when was the last time you wanted to discuss prominent queer literary figures
gay nerd
> one time me and tao had a debate about whether frankenstein or his monster was gayer
> does that count
done with your bullshit
> no
> make your own chat
gay nerd
> what does this look like to you
taoseph
> potato
> have you guys ever considered how much of a potato elle is
tao is innocent
> excuse you
taoseph
> like no not in a bad way
> but i could see you oiled and roasted
tao is innocent
> did you just say you want to OIL ME UP????
> SIR
taoseph
> …why would i do that
sahahahar
> has anyone had the talk with him
gay nerd
> everyone here i think
> excluding imogen and isaac
done with your bullshit
> nope
> imogen AND isaac gave him the talk TOGETHER during year 6
rugby slay lord
> WHAT.
glimmergen
> we were doing sex ed and tao told us he thought he might have prostate cancer because he got an erection
TOO SHORT
> NO THATS SO BAD
lesbean
> TAO XU YOU FREAK
taoseph
> YOU SHOULD BE MORE PLEASED THAT IM ALIVE
tao is innocent
> BARELY
> am i gonna have to hold your hand while we cross the road
gay nerd
> not elle finding excuses to hold tao’s hand
tao is innocent
> stfu
> dont you have a boyfriend to kiss
rugby slay lord
> we can multitask no
gay nerd
> OH ALSO
> WHO WAS GONNA TELL ME THAT NICK SPEAKS FRENCH???
lesbean
> WHAT
done with your bullshit
> NICHOLAS???
glimmergen
> arent you half french?
rugby slay lord
> SEE
> I KNEW I MENTIONED IT
sahahahar
> YOU DID NOT MENTION IT
gay nerd
> EXACLTY
> all this time we could’ve been having french dirty talk 😢
rugby slay lord
> obviously you are forgetting how bad i suck at dirty talk even in english
gay nerd
> the bar is low tbf one time ben called me his curly wurly seductress
glimmergen
> i’m pretty sure he’s called me that too hahaha
gay nerd
> break up with him girlie
rugby slay lord
> been there tried that
taoseph
> and thats on low self esteem everyone
done with your bullshit
> its imogen’s first day on this
> she did not ask to be psychoanalysed
> imogen you’re an enfp right
glimmergen
> how did you guess that???
done with your bullshit
> i’m a wizard
tao is innocent
> oh so its okay when you psychoanalyse her
sahahahar
> good that youre all having fun
> but i am buying snacks RIGHT now and if you dont speak i will have nothing good because all i like is liquorice
glimmergen
> she scares me
sahahahar
> i have your silly fruity little haribos
gay nerd
> i could also go for something silly and fruity
rugby slay lord
> wdym you already have me
tao is innocent
> get me a banana and a doughnut
> i’ve got some things to explain to tao
taoseph
> I KNOW HOW IT WORKS GODDAMMIT
lesbean
> tara we MUST sit across from them
done with your bullshit
> i will be sitting with james
sahahahar
> imogen you want to sit together?
glimmergen
> sure 😊
rugby slay lord
> OKAY
> HOES, HOEMOSEXUALS AND TRANS PEOPLE
> AND ISAAC
done with your bullshit
> shush i would be a great hoe
rugby slay lord
> okay fine
> hoemosexuals, trans people, and hoes including isaac
> WTF IS THIS SEXUAL TENSION BETWIXT MR FAROUK AND MR AJAYI???
gay nerd
> theyre gay lol
> did you not know that
rugby slay lord
> was not aware mr farouk was one of us
lesbean
> have you ever looked at the man
TOO SHORT
> he has terrible gaydar
glimmergen
> he thought ellen degeneres was married to liam hemsworth
gay nerd
> OMG???
> imogen i will need you to tell me more embarrassing stories about him
rugby slay lord
> MY MUM’S TOLD YOU ENOUGH
> NO MORE
gay nerd
> nick’s mummy told me lots of things hehehehe
sahahahar
> DO WE WANT BEVERAGES
tao is innocent
> milk
taoseph
> i hate you so much
gay nerd
> jack daniels for me
lesbean
> scotch on the rocks and some cocaine
rugby slay lord
> my motivation to revise back
gay nerd
> i stole it
rugby slay lord
> you ARE my motivation
> return please
gay nerd
> i have been gone 2 minutes
rugby slay lord
> return idc
> oh hey mr farouk just GIGGLED at mr ajayi
gay nerd
> babygays
TOO SHORT
> you are younger than both of them
gay nerd
> babygays