Chapter Text
Chapter 8: Not Alone
Matt begins going to a support group for people grieving and mourning lost loved ones. While he can’t speak on every fine detail, he receives a good deal of support and sympathy from the other attendants and feels better knowing he’s able to talk it out on some level with other people who can understand. He also has made a point of trying not to focus too much on his work, as Kenna is just as big a responsibility. He also has a conversation with Mercedes (Mexico), who promises to visit and hang out for a while. Kenna herself is also thriving, doing well at school and making friends with her classmates. Matt is happy to see Kenna receiving praise from her teachers at the academy, and happy to see that she’s taking her studies seriously (though unable to shake off the bittersweet feeling that she’s compensating for Alfred).
After returning home and greeting Kenna when she comes back home from school, Matt reflects on the events of the last year since Alfred died as well as on their relationship in general. He thinks back to a camping trip they took together with the aim of finding Bigfoot, where Matt had been rude towards Alfred through much of it while the latter just wanted to do a brotherly bonding activity. While reflecting on their relationship, Matt laments how he's realized too late that for all of Alfred’s flaws as a sibling, he wasn’t always the best brother himself, and wishes he could hug Alfred one last time and tell him he really did love and admire him.
He admits that while he still hurts, he’s started to feel like some part of it is healing, or at least being easier to deal with, and life is starting to pick back up again.
Chapter 9: The Bargaining Stage
This chapter focuses primarily on Ivan and Gilbert dealing with the bargaining stage of grief.
Ivan is deeply lonely, having been cut off from not only his family but even the other nations involved in the incident have given him a wide berth. His guilt and grief aren’t helped by Kenna’s existence, especially with how she uncannily reminds him of Anastasia Romanov. Desperate for someone to talk to, he goes to Toris' home, where he's greeted with hostility. Ivan breaks down sobbing and pleads with Toris to at least give him answers to a question that has plagued him for years.
(Pre-written scene)
Ivan tried not to let Toris’ clear anger get to him. “Toris, please, I just… I just want someone! Anyone! I hate this feeling! Of being alone, and hated! I always knew no one really liked me, but I never understood why!” Ivan found himself pleading with Toris. He really did hate this feeling. He poured his heart and soul into this.
“Please… I just want to know.”
For a moment, both were silent. And then Toris gave a bitter chuckle.
“You want to know why no one ever liked you? You really want to know?” Toris asked angrily.
When Ivan slowly nodded, the Lithuania personification took a deep breath and went off.
“You are literally the absolute worst person to ever exist. You treat everyone around you like toys to be used and broken, and while you say that all you want is to be loved and cared for, you only hurt everyone around you. And you’re all take and no give. Love is not something you can force out of people! And I think what I hate most about you is how you refuse to take any responsibility for yourself. Like with Alfred back then, that whole recession was really everyone’s fault, but you just didn’t want to admit that you could make any mistakes. And then you refused to believe you did anything wrong, that you were justified in tying someone’s arms behind his back and raping him until you completely broke, no, destroyed his spirit. And when he killed himself, you still won’t take any responsibility for what you did, because it’s just so much easier for your fragile, immature mind to process.”
Before Ivan could try to reply, Toris took several deep breaths and ranted on. It was clear he had been wanting to say this for years.
“I mean, for fuck’s sake, even after everything you and Alfred said and did to each other during the Cold War, he was still willing to put the past behind and see you as a friend! And you repaid him by robbing him of every last bit of dignity he had, of his very will to live, and then left Kenna, an innocent little girl, to suffer through the memories of that damage! And now you have the fucking gall to come to my house, crying and whining about how lonely you are because no one wants to talk to you anymore even though it’s your own damn fault?! And hell, what was the point of it even?! What were you hoping to accomplish anyway?! In fact, I honestly don’t even think you actually gave a shit about the economy, I think you just wanted to feel like you were on top for once, like you got one over him because you always hated how everyone, even when they were annoyed by how overly loud he was or whatever, still found him more likable than you.”
That felt like a knife to the gut right there. It felt like Toris had touched a really sore spot in him, and Ivan, without even realizing it, let out a little squeaking noise, a broken and pained whisper of, “No…”
But Toris still wasn’t done yet. His teeth were bared like an angry animal showing its fangs, hot rage coloring his face red, veins popping out. He seethed hatefully, “And you know what? I'm glad you’re suffering, I’m happy you’re hurting! I really sincerely hope you suffer every single fucking day for the rest of your worthless existence! But here's the thing - guilt is never an acceptable apology; you should never expect anyone to just hand out their forgiveness on a silver platter to you just because you realized what you did in the past was wrong. Especially when it’s something you’ll never be able to make right because it’s too fucking late now! Now I understand that things were really horrible and really hard back then. I know; I saw Bloody Sunday, I’ve seen it all. But all that does is explain why you are this way. It sure as fuck does not excuse the horrible things you did and the horrible way you act. That’s why everyone hates you, Ivan! It’s not because you’re big and strong and scary, no, it's because you’re a terrible person. You are a monster. A selfish, horrible, and cruel monster who doesn’t understand what love is and doesn’t deserve it either."
Ivan felt like he had just been kicked in the face. An awkward silence took hold, Toris breathing to fill his lungs after that long-winded speech and to calm his temper. The scorn in his face burned into Ivan’s memory.
Ivan managed to find his voice, barely clawing its way up his throat. He stammered, “Why didn’t you ever tell me?”
The look on Toris’ face just screamed ‘you have got to be kidding me’.
“Don’t you think I - all of us - tried?! But you didn’t listen; you never did. And here, you’re just expecting a big old pity party just because you feel bad for being the direct cause of my friend committing suicide?! All because you hate being alone? Oh, cry me a fucking river! You brought your misery on yourself, Ivan!”
“Toris, please!” Ivan blurted out desperately. “I’m sorry!”
Toris only bitterly laughed and responded sarcastically, “Oh, really? Ivan Braginsky is actually sorry about something?” He then scornfully added, “Except here’s the thing - you had six whole fucking months to realize what you did was not right; you only feel guilty because you’re actually facing some consequences for once. Hell, I’m not even the person you should be apologizing to anyway! And it’s not like that’s an option because the person you should be apologizing to is FUCKING DEAD BECAUSE OF YOU!! ” He roughly jabbed his finger into Ivan’s chest to punctuate his point, shoving the larger Nation back slightly, and Ivan could tell Toris absolutely savored, reveled, in the look of shock and intimidation on his face.
Toris’ voice then got low and eyes narrowed dangerously as he said through gritted teeth, “So no, Ivan, you can cry and beg and plead until the universe blinks out in a heat death or whatever, but I won't grant you peace. You might not have pulled the trigger, but as far as I'm concerned, you murdered my friend and for that, and for a lot of other things, I will NEVER forgive you. Now I’ll be kind and let you off with a warning here: leave. Now. Don’t ever come near my home again. If I see you here again, I will call law enforcement and find some way to prosecute you with stalking and harassment charges. Good riddance, fuck you, eat shit, and fucking die, you worthless son of a whore!”
Ivan tried to find the words to argue, to defend himself, do something, but he came up with nothing. Toris made it clear as crystal that he was far, far past the point of giving him another chance, and it truly hurt Ivan to see that there was nothing he could say or do to change his mind.
He then slammed the door right into Ivan’s face. Ivan could hear the click of the lock working. For a moment, Ivan just stood there, still trying to process what just happened. A couple minutes later, the window opened, revealing Toris with a rifle.
“Are you fucking deaf, or just stupid?! I told you to go, so get the fuck out!” Toris snarled, unlocking the safety of his gun before firing a warning shot near Ivan’s feet.
Ivan squeaked with fear; though that wouldn’t kill him, it would still be uncomfortable. He turned around and ran away as fast as he could.
(end scene)
After this, Ivan then starts aimlessly walking around in the wilderness, reflecting on not just Toris' speech but on the past in general. On his relationships with his family, what few friends he had, and Alfred. As his mind becomes consumed by images of that day and the realization sinks in, he finally breaks down and screams to the sky, demanding to know why life was always so hard for him and then begs General Winter to just kill him and put him out of his misery, figuring everyone would be happier without him around. General Winter appears and calls Ivan out on being so self-centered and advises him to instead work to fix things. Ivan has no clue where to start, however.
Meanwhile, Gilbert is feeling especially grouchy, and the Christmas holiday cheer is only making it worse. He feels bitter that he can't seem to enjoy it and no one else, least of all Ludwig, can seem to either, especially since this is the first Christmas to come by since Alfred's death. He hates how everyone has someone to love and care for them while he feels lost and lonely. He then runs into a very old man and they end up chatting. The man eventually reveals he had been a soldier in the last couple of years of Nazi Germany’s reign when he was just a teenager and recalls how he’d found a pair of Jews hiding in a barn and for reasons he’s still not entirely sure of even after all these years (since he was just as much a “true believer” in the Nazi’s cause) chose to spare them and tell his commanding officer he didn’t find anything.
Gilbert leaves and is haunted by the conversation for a while. He begins to wonder just why he even did all that in the first place and is horrified and disgusted with himself when he winds up drawing a blank. He then gets stuck in his thoughts for a while until he breaks down and screams at the sky, “What do you want from me?!” (referring to Alfred) and demands to know what he’s supposed to do. He receives no answer.
Chapter 10: Happy Birthday, Dear Kenna
This chapter would have focused on Kenna coming to terms with her immortality and the fact that she’ll be outliving every human she’s known. She is initially heartbroken about this but after a pep talk with a few ancient nations, particularly Native America (who regards Kenna as a daughter despite never having given birth to her), Roman Empire, Britannia, and Old Scandinavia, she becomes more accepting of her new position.
Chapter 11: The Despair Stage
This chapter focuses primarily on Feliciano and Arthur. Both have been trudging through their days like robots for the past several years, guilt continuing to eat away at them. Feli is haunted by not only his guilt over his direct involvement in Alfred’s assault but also by his guilt over going along with it even though he didn’t want to. Meanwhile, Arthur continues to be haunted by cruel voices that constantly taunt him about how Alfred’s death was all his fault and is barely holding it together as nightmares plague his sleep most nights.
(pre-written scene)
Murderer.
Liar.
Hypocrite.
Rapist.
Stupid piece of shit.
And many more.
The voices were relentless, vicious, and never ending.
Arthur knew he had nothing to argue back against those voices and they never ran out of new material to use against him.
Even when he was trying to do other things, they were still loudly screaming at him.
‘You're a real stupid piece of shit, you know that? Of course Alfred killed himself, what did you expect when you wrote the word 'slut' across his chest AS HE WAS SCREAMING AND BEGGING YOU TO LET HIM FUCKING CUM?! You seriously thought he would bounce back from THAT?! It’s all your fault he died! That's why Matthew will never forgive you! And what were you going to do to poor little Kenna? What were you going to do, asshole?!’
(end scene)
A meeting is slowly being closed out. Feliciano has more or less disassociated from it well before it even began. He’s barely listened to anything, only able to ruminate on his thoughts while occasionally sneaking glances at Kenna. He feels sympathy for her, as she’s clearly weathering through a turbulent period thanks to a certain election result and he feels like it’s partially his fault she’s feeling so terrible. Antonio greets him cooly, showing he’s at least still willing to talk to him, even though it’s done at an arm’s length and it’s only because Feliciano was not entirely a willing participant. They exchange pleasantries briefly before Antonio departs.
Feliciano tries to reach out to Kenna and apologize to her and let her know he knows how she feels about the election, but she’s not exactly in the mood for Feliciano’s pity and accuses him of only wanting to apologize to her to soothe his guilty conscience. She bluntly tells him she does not have much respect for him and proceeds to tear him apart with a “the reason you suck” speech, pointing out that even though he didn’t go out of his way to be cruel to Alfred, he still went along with the plan rather than opt out or even try to stop them. Kenna then departs, telling Feli to grow a pair and take some responsibility for himself for once in his life and then maybe she’ll think about giving him a second chance. Feliciano is hit hard and wallows in misery for the rest of the night.
Meanwhile, Arthur immediately goes to a bar to drown himself in alcohol once again, which is about the only thing that helps to quiet the voices down for a bit. Francis, who’s just as bored and lonely, follows him and things quickly go wrong when Arthur starts getting drunk and makes a scene. They get thrown out by the fed up owner who tells Arthur to drown his misery elsewhere. Francis brings Arthur home where the latter completely breaks down and a decade's worth of immense grief, guilt, and self-loathing come pouring out.
(prewritten scene)
Francis was aghast at Arthur’s self-centered attitude, angrily firing back, “Oh, so you’re lonely because your little unicorns, and pixies, and leprechauns won’t talk to you anymore? I have prayed and prayed to Jeanne, every single day. If I’m lucky enough to get a response, she’ll just snap and remind me about That Day. I can no longer feel her warmth! Every day, I am living with this cold empty feeling in my heart and nothing will ever be able to fill that hole!”
Arthur angrily ranted back, “What the bloody fuck do you know, huh, you frog?! At least you don’t have nightmares every single night! It’s either Alfred, or Matthew, or Kenna, hell, even Native America at times, taunting me more and more, pushing me to the edge! It’s a fucking miracle I haven’t died from my guilt already! And it’s all my fault! I deserve every last bit of this!”
Francis, taken aback by the self-loathing in Arthur’s ranting, shifted gears and tried to stay calm and replied, “But it wasn’t just you, Arthur. There was me and the others.”
“But he loved me, damn it!!” Arthur screamed, pounding his hand against his chest. “He loved me, trusted me, and I shit all over on it like it meant nothing! I’m the one who killed him! It’s all because of me that he’s dead! And there is nothing I can ever do to make it right!”
And then, Arthur screamed incoherently, clutching his head in pain before he collapsed on the floor, becoming a sobbing wreck.
Francis was taken aback by this. He had seen Arthur cry before, but never like this. This right here in front of him was more than just guilt over his part in Alfred’s death. This was several years’ worth of grief, regret and immense self-loathing that piled up more and more, waiting to burst out. There wasn’t much else he could do but quietly take Arthur into his arms and let him cry.
Arthur wasn’t receptive to Francis at first, thrashing and screaming at him to let go, but that died off quickly as Arthur clung to Francis tightly and continued to blubber incoherently while occasionally sputtering, “I’m so sorry, Alfred, I’m so sorry!” in between his sobs. His nose dripped and tears continuously spilled out. It wasn’t attractive in the least, but Francis didn’t care; Arthur very clearly and desperately needed this, to let go and have someone be there for him, even if his misery was entirely his own fault.
After several minutes of nonstop crying, Arthur finally seemed to level off, his breathing steadier but still choked up with sobs.
“I can’t stand this anymore, Francis,” he murmured brokenly. “I can’t keep living like this anymore…”
Francis sighed, propped him up, and firmly said, “Come on now, Angeltierre, you’re in no condition to stay awake. Let’s go to bed and talk this over in the morning.”
Arthur would’ve snapped back with a scathing retort, but he was too mentally, emotionally and physically drained from his breakdown to do anything. Francis gingerly placed him on his bed, and the alcohol and mental exhaustion kicked in, and Arthur was out like a light in minutes.
Francis sighed and walked over to the sofa, and collapsed, letting his own emotional fatigue kick in. As he closed his eyes, he saw a vision of two small boys with blond hair, laughing and playing, running up to him and looking at him with nothing but complete trust and love in their eyes.
A trust and love he betrayed on that day nine years ago, because he was, they were so convinced they were right. That they knew better. That they were better.
But in the end, all they did was destroy something good. Just like they always did.
(end chapter)
Chapter 12: The Definition of Deserving
While asleep, Arthur is visited by Korrina (Native America). She’s spent the last several years tormenting Arthur in his dreams on and off as retribution for what he’s done to both her and her sons. The nightmares have been absolutely hellish, ranging from Arthur’s past sins being thrown back in his face to being forced to rewatch what he did to Alfred while knowing he can't ever undo this action. Here though, she promises no nightmares this time, just a chat.
Arthur, exhausted and desperate, begs her to stop, telling her she already made her point and asks her what she's hoping to accomplish. Korrina simply scoffs at his "woe is me" attitude, noting that even after ten years of grief and knowing his mistakes, he still has to make it all about his suffering and points out that a good number of the nightmares he suffered from were from his own conscience rather than her creations.
Instead, Korrina wants to ask him a single question.
(Pre-written scene)
"I'm here because I have a question. Why?”
“What?” Arthur asked back. "What do you mean?"
Korrina grumbled in aggravation, rolled her eyes, and smacked her palm against her forehead. She glared at Arthur, voice becoming a little firmer, with a slight hardness as she asked again. “Why did you do that? Why did you blame it all on him? Why did you hurt him like that? Why did you ruin everything? Why didn’t you stop and think for even a single fucking second about what you were doing?!"
Arthur shrank into himself as Korrina's voice became louder and angrier, and his own voice became smaller as he stammered out, “I don’t know…”
“Bullshit! I think you do know, Arthur,” Korrina seethed hatefully, “I think you know but you don’t want to admit it to me or yourself. Because admitting the truth is too painful for you personally.”
“No…” Arthur shook his head, that wasn’t it, he really didn’t know why…
She kept pushing, “Because then you’d have to really look at yourself and see the parts of yourself you don’t like thinking about-”
“Stop…”
“Because then you’ll have to swallow your pride and realize that you-”
Arthur kept crying a little stream of “no” and “stop” while clutching his head, crying and trying to block out Korrina’s voice.
“That's the problem with you - you can’t take even the smallest criticism, all the while pointing fingers at everyone else for your own failings and shortcomings, never able to admit a mistake-”
And finally, Arthur snapped and screamed, “BECAUSE I THOUGHT HE WAS A LOUD, NOSY, AND STUPID DISAPPOINTMENT AND EVERYONE WOULD ALWAYS GET A FUCKING DIG AT ME FOR HOW HE DEFEATED ME WHEN HE WAS NOTHING BUT AN UPSTART COLONY, AND I WAS SO ANNOYED WITH HOW HE NEVER SEEMED TO TAKE ANYTHING SERIOUSLY AND I THOUGHT I HAD TO DO SOMETHING DRASTIC TO MAKE HIM LISTEN TO ME FOR ONCE!”
It was raw, cutting through the void and silence like a freshly sharpened knife through a room-temperature stick of butter. When he looked back on this moment later, Arthur was surprised that his vocal cords didn’t bleed themselves raw as he continued to scream and sob, pounding his fists on the “ground”. His hair was wildly sticking out in every direction, eyes wide and bugging out, and even a little bit of drool dripped from his mouth, voice getting more choked up and hot tears gushing down his cheeks.
For a moment, Korrina was quiet… and then she started laughing. She laughed so hard that tears welled in her eyes, each guffaw feeling like a boot kicking Arthur in his teeth. But what right did he have to tell her not to enjoy his misery? She had more reason than anyone else to revel in his pain, all of which he brought on himself through his own actions.
"Oh Arthur, you really do crack me up," Korrina said to him through a snorted giggle. "Just when I thought my opinion of you couldn't get any lower, you managed to outdo yourself. I always had a feeling, but to hear it straight from your own mouth… now that is something." Her expression hardened again, voice now deathly serious. "You never forgave him for it, did you? For going his own way, for deciding he wasn't going to be your little money maker anymore, for embarrassing you?”
Arthur could only let out a broken whimper of a cry and slowly nodded. God, how pathetic am I?
“Incredibly fucking pathetic. You can’t hide anything from me here, you little bitch,” Korrina spat.
(end scene)
After this, Arthur is forced to see Alfred and explain himself.
(prewritten scene)
It was him. Blonde hair, blue eyes behind a pair of glasses, lightly tanned skin, wearing a white shirt, jeans, sneakers, and that trademark brown bomber jacket with a “50” sewn on the back.
Alfred.
“Hello, Arthur. You’re not looking so good,” Alfred’s specter said to him.
Alfred’s voice was now so… to call it monotonous would be too colorful a word to describe how his voice and the words felt. How flat it was, the intonations and the blank look on his face made everything so unsettling.
Alfred caught on to this and said, “Don’t worry, it really is me you’re seeing. I know, I’m probably a bit different from how you used to know me before. Time in the afterlife, resting… it changes you.”
The ghost of a frown began to form over his features, and Arthur felt even colder at this. He didn’t - couldn’t - see malice in his eyes, but there was no spark of anything to them either. Everything felt so awkward, so tense, he really didn’t know how to start saying anything-
“So I heard what you said,” Alfred started. “How you did it for yourself, not because you wanted to fix the economy.”
Arthur nodded and replied, “I kept telling myself that I was doing you a favor, that you would understand and would get over it eventually. I thought you would bounce back because you always did. The truth is, I didn’t do it for your own good or for the good of my people or anyone else. I did it… I did it for me. For my own pride.”
And there it finally was. The walls were broken down, the layers of justifications, excuses, and rationalizations stripped away, all to show the dark and ugly truth buried deep underneath. The ultimately self-centered reason for it all.
Pride and ego.
Alfred then smiled. It didn’t quite reach his eyes, devoid of the spark of joy that usually underlined a smile. But he was… satisfied.
“That’s it right there,” he said. “Thank you, Arthur, for finally being honest with me. I must say, I’m proud of you for being honest with yourself too.”
(end scene)
They then talk about how everyone else is doing. Arthur’s accomplices in the assault on Alfred are lost, broken from guilt, and have no idea how they’ll ever make things right, much less if it’s possible. Matt is still pushing forward and Arthur admits he’s proud of how Matt has raised Kenna. Kenna is also doing well for herself, going into college to study law and political theory. She’s happy to take advantage of her virtual immortality to study at every school she can.
Alfred expresses pride in her though he also admits to being worried about her possibly overcompensating and trying too hard to not be like him. Arthur then wonders if they can ever have what he and Alfred used to have.
(prewritten scene)
Alfred shook his head, a slightly amused expression forming over his features. “Oh, Arthur, you’re so silly, you know that? You know you’ll never get that back. Not from me, and definitely not from her.”
It was then that things around them shifted again to show Arthur the day he tried to kidnap Kenna and tried to force her to play along with his sick and selfish “redemption” fantasy. Arthur felt bile rise in his throat when he saw how he slapped the poor little girl.
Alfred sighed, "Even if you hadn't tried to take her and keep her for yourself, she was never going to love you. Not like I did… before you stabbed me in the back. That little stunt just made it worse. Maybe she'll be more open to it now, but you'll never be more than a friend to her at best. I should know - she and I are the same, even with all our differences."
(end scene)
Arthur then wakes up in his bed, confused and disoriented. He hears sounds downstairs and goes to the kitchen to see Francis cooking omelettes for breakfast. Hungry and in need of some grease to soak up the alcohol, Arthur accepts the food and he talks to Francis about his dream. Francis isn’t entirely sure if he believes it, but is nonetheless shaken by it, especially when Arthur tells him what he’s realized - that they can never make things right. And because of that, they don’t deserve to be happy.
Chapter 13: The Acceptance Stage
The “Acceptance” chapter focuses primarily on Francis and Ludwig. Since this meeting event is going on for multiple days, everyone is trying to get ready.
Francis is still dealing with the aftermath of Arthur’s meltdown. He thinks about what Arthur has said, that they don’t deserve to be happy after what they did.
Meanwhile, Ludwig hears some gossip about how Arthur got thrown out of a bar while drunk and inwardly wonders if Arthur was doing what he’d occasionally turned to as a coping mechanism for the last ten years. His suspicions are confirmed when he sees Arthur passing by him, still looking somewhat hungover and bitter. He then gets an idea and sends an invitation to everyone who was involved in the incident to a little personal meeting between themselves in another conference room later.
Everyone is surprised by the text, filled with dread and wondering what this is. But they go along with it nonetheless, wondering why Germany would summon them all. Later that evening, they meet in a small conference room in the hotel, with Ludwig at the head of the table. He notes that everyone looks worse for the wear.
(prewritten scene)
Ludwig shook his head and started, “Let me tell all of you a story. Many years ago, we went through a period of time called the Great Depression. In our fear of losing everything, we snapped and did some truly monstrous things. We very nearly destroyed ourselves. But then, we put the weapons down and talked, and little by little, we rebuilt and began to flourish, and though the road was fraught with difficulties, we worked for a better future and it came in a trickle. But then, in 2008, the recession happened, and we did something absolutely unacceptable and inexcusable. We acted no better than feral animals, like we’d learned nothing over all these years. And look what it’s gotten us - our families and friends hate us, we lost a friend who would’ve done anything for us, and our reputations are shattered.”
“Where are you going with this?” Lovino snapped. “Could you get to the point already?”
Everyone glared at the Southern Italian, who immediately shut up and gave a silent apology, slumping back into his seat.
Ludwig continued, “The point is… what has happened has happened. What’s done is done. We can’t take back what we did. Life goes on… and we have to move on. We have to accept it, and if we have any chance of redeeming ourselves, then we have to stop punishing ourselves.”
Everyone was completely silent for several minutes, really not knowing what to say. It was almost insane, that Ludwig even suggested there was a chance that there was a way they could redeem themselves of this.
Gilbert stood up. And it was here that it became very obvious the last decade had caught up badly with him. His unkempt hair and patchy scruff aside, he had very dark bags under his eyes and he looked paler than death. But the look on his face was one of resolve.
“I’m going to do some charity work,” he said firmly.
Everyone else raised an eyebrow at that. Even Feliciano, Kiku and Ivan looked downright bamboozled by this.
“Can I ask what brought this on, Gilbert?” Ludwig asked.
“I’ve had time to really think about it, West. The thing is, I’ve spent nearly my whole life fighting and trying to be the best… but when things changed, I just… I couldn’t accept it. I stayed stuck in the past and I can’t live like that anymore. I need to do something good in this world, something that doesn’t involve hurting people. It won’t make up for what I did, but at least I can try to mend some of it, right?”
That… somehow made sense.
Kiku swallowed and said, “Well… I suppose the first thing I can do would be to make amends with Yon-soo, Shang and Mei Mei.” He looked over to Yao, who nodded along at this.
Ivan spoke up, “I should do the same with my own brothers and sisters. I was… I was especially cruel to him that day, I was the worst during it, and I know they still hate me, not just for… raping Alfred, but for all the painful things I did to them as well.” He then started to get choked up, fat tears rolling down his cheeks as guilt and self-loathing made themselves clear on his features. “It could take years. Decades or maybe even centuries. But I will do what I have to.”
(end scene)
The nations all accept they’ve done something horrifically vile on that day and they can’t keep trying to justify it anymore. But they’ve punished themselves enough. They can’t make up for what they’ve done but they can’t just sit around wallowing in guilt forever.
Francis and Arthur later have a chat together over smokes. Arthur declares his intention to apologize to Matt and Kenna for his abduction attempt. Francis approves, believing that’s a good first step and decides he’ll do one too, as well as join Gilbert in doing some humanitarian work to try to put some good into the world.
While Francis still doesn’t entirely agree with Arthur’s belief that they don’t deserve to be happy again, he does believe they can at least try to not give into despair and apathy.
After all, life only goes forward and so must they.
Epilogue: Rebuilding and Restoring
It’s the tenth anniversary of Alfred’s death. Matt and Kenna go to visit his grave in Arlington Cemetary. When they are about to reach his headstone, they find Arthur is there. He admits he’s been waiting for them. Kenna is apprehensive so Arthur tells her she can let him and Matt speak privately. It’s the first time in almost nine years since they’ve spoken to each other directly.
After a tense bit of small talk, Matt finally asks why he’s here. Arthur puts aside all pride and gives Matt the apology he deserves.
(Pre-written scene)
No more excuses. No more trying to rationalize or justify it. No more downplaying or denying it.
He had to take responsibility, step up to the plate, and finally, finally, be a man about it.
“I’m here because I owe you an apology, Matthew,” Arthur began, blinking fast to keep himself from choking up.
Matt frowned at that, but stayed quiet, deciding he would let Arthur speak.
Arthur took a deep breath and looked Matt square in the eyes, stating firmly, “I won’t make any excuses for myself. What I did on that day… there is no justification for it. I murdered Alfred that day. I might not have held that gun to his head and pulled the trigger, but I pushed him into it with my betrayal of his love and trust. I know that there is nothing I can do to ever truly make up for it. I wish there was a way to go back, I would sell my soul for the chance to undo all of it, but I can’t.”
As he said this, Arthur’s emotions failed him as tears began steadily streaming from his eyes, his voice getting more choked up in his throat. He never once took his gaze away from Matt, however, facing him fully and openly.
Matt admittedly was a bit unsettled by how Arthur was doing this. But at the same time, he could feel it too.
The sincerity in it.
“I will never ask to be forgiven for it,” Arthur continued, voice breaking slightly at that. “I will never be as arrogant as to expect that from anyone, especially you. Because I hurt you as well, Matthew. It’s nothing close to the pain I inflicted on your brother, but I betrayed you too. I broke my vows and promises and shit all over the trust and love you both had for me like it meant nothing and hurt you both in the absolute worst way imaginable. I have destroyed any right to be in your life in any capacity. And the truth, the honest truth, is that I didn’t do it for the economy or for the good of my or anyone else's people or even to teach Alfred a lesson. I did it for me. I was a stupid, stubborn, arrogant fool blinded by my past glories and I thought I knew better and I thought he would get over it and bounce back because that was just what he did. I did something truly cruel and evil on that day and I will regret that I never stopped to think for even one second that I was wrong to do this. I will regret that every day for the rest of my life.”
Arthur shook as he said this, wanted to collapse onto the ground and cry, but he couldn’t do that. He had to bear that weight.
“You were right about what you said back in that meeting when you introduced Kenna to us. Sorry is nowhere near good enough to begin to make up for even a fraction of a speck of what I did. If you want to hate me for the rest of your life, I would understand. But I want you to know that I am sorry. I’m sorry, Matthew. I’m sorry for everything. I’m sorry I ruined your life. I’m sorry for hurting you, for hurting Alfred, and for hurting Kenna as well. God, I’m so, so fucking sorry.”
Arthur finally covered his eyes to wipe them, the only sound he could utter now being his sniffles. Matt stood there quietly, processing this. After a moment, he spoke.
“Thank you, Arthur. That was a good apology. That was the apology I wanted since the day I found Alfred dead on the floor with his brains blasted out.”
Arthur flinched at that.
Matt then sighed, his eyes drifting over to Kenna, who was paying respects to other soldiers’ graves, then over to Alfred’s headstone, and then to Arthur himself, and continued. “I don’t think I can ever fully forgive you. I’ve lost a lot of things on that day, and one of those things was my respect and trust in you. But I’ve also known you for centuries; you’ve helped to raise me, and a connection like that is not something that can easily just go away, even with what happened. And admittedly, ten years have gone by, and I’ve had my time to grieve and think about it. I need to move on too. Things between us can never be the way they used to be before, but if you really do mean what you’ve said and you promise to be better and do the work… then maybe we can build something back up.”
Now it was Arthur’s turn to be silent and process the words. He then smiled and nodded and replied, “That… that is so much better than I deserve honestly.” His facial expression then turned somber and he added, “But seriously, Matthew, thank you. I promise I will do the work. I promise I will do better. And if I squander this second chance in any way, you have every right to kill me.”
(end scene)
Arthur then asks if he can speak to Kenna, and she reluctantly allows him. Arthur apologizes to her as well - for his abduction attempt, for how he forced the life of being a Nation onto her by directly causing Alfred’s suicide, and for projecting Alfred onto her. Kenna accepts the apology and admits that she doesn’t believe she can ever love Arthur the way Alfred used to, and Arthur accepts that he has no right to demand that from her. However, she isn’t closed off to the possibility of them building up some kind of relationship with each other and offers Arthur her hand and a chance to start over. Arthur accepts it and the two of them begin to take the first steps together towards building a genuine friendship with each other.
Later that night, Matt and Arthur talk over drinks, with Arthur telling Matt about his encounters with Korrina and Alfred and tells him he’ll probably see them later in his dreams on occasion. Matt is able to gain some solace knowing Alfred is proud of him and is at peace, and is able to let go of his guilt, symbolized by his being able to later shred Alfred’s suicide note. Kenna joins them and they talk well into the night about everything and nothing, taking the first steps towards building something new.