Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The outfit Suguru ended up deciding on for Yuki’s party was a mesh top (Shoko’s) and a pair of jeans. It wasn’t anything special but it was a lot more skin than he usually showed. He was a little nervous about that part. He hoped he didn’t look weird, but, on the phone Shoko said that he looked like a model, so. 

“Mom,” Suguru knocked lightly on her door a few times to see if she was awake. 

“Su?” She answered, sounding groggy. “Come in.”

Suguru walked in, and noticed that the lights were dimmed. “Were you sleeping? I’m sorry, I didn't mean to wake you.”

Suguru’s Mom sat up on her bed, and smiled softly at Suguru. She motioned for him to come and sit beside her so he did, and she draped an arm around him. “I wasn’t sleeping, only resting my eyes.” She laughed, lightly, and then she looked Suguru up and down. “You look fancy tonight. Are you going out?”

“Yeah,” Suguru nodded, leaning into her. “Remember the party that I told you about yesterday?”

“Ah, yes, I remember,” She nodded. “Are you excited?”

Not really. Suguru was excited to spend time with Satoru, but the general fact that they were going to a party made him slightly anxious because of all of his past high school party experiences. Satoru did insist that this was going to be a relatively small party, with only a group of Yuki’s close friends— but Suguru didn’t know if that fact made him more or less anxious. He was supposed to be playing the role of Satoru’s boyfriend and it would be a lot harder to pretend to be dating without the cover of a large group of people. 

Suguru’s Mom could probably sense the hesitation in his face, because she said, “Don’t worry, you’ll have fun. Satoru will be there with you, right?”

“Yeah,” Suguru answered.

“And you trust him?”

Suguru nodded, “Yeah, I do.”

“Then, there’s nothing to be worried about.” She said, squeezing his shoulder. “It’s going to be a great night.”

Suguru smiled, sheepishly. His Mom was right. “Yeah. It will be.”

“I’ve been wondering..” Suguru’s Mom started, a lilt in her voice that said she was unsure of whether or not she should say what she was about to say. “Are you and Satoru dating? I— I don’t mean to pressure you to tell me or anything, but, I’ve noticed that you’ve changed a lot ever since the two of you started hanging out and you always seem so cheerful when he’s around, and I want you to know that if you were dating him I’d fully approve of it.”

Woah. That was a lot. Suguru hadn’t even told his Mom that he was gay yet, and here she was saying that she would approve of him dating a man? Dating Satoru? 

Suguru’s mouth gaped open as he stared at his Mom. He didn’t know what to say. 

No, he wasn’t dating Satoru, but he really wanted to, but he had no chance. And also he and Satoru were pretending that they were dating at school because he had gotten bullied for staying at Satoru’s place overnight? And him staying overnight was because he’d gotten blackout drunk?

Suguru’s Mom searched his eyes, and then nodded as if she’d understood something that Suguru hadn’t even said out loud. Maybe something he didn’t even know himself. “When me and your father first met and I started to fall in love with him, I was so scared. Love is scary. They don’t talk about that enough in movies and TV shows. Love is terrifying. Allowing yourself to love someone else is basically like giving them a piece of your heart and saying ‘do with this what you want.’”  She chuckled, and then continued, “I know me and your fathers story didn’t have a happy ending, but I don’t regret loving him. I don’t regret giving him the opportunity to break my heart. Because even though I ended up sad, I was still so happy during that period of time. So, I’d tell you to give Satoru that piece of your heart. And, in my opinion, if anyone would keep it safe, it would be him.”

Shifting his gaze to the floor, Suguru murmured, “I don’t.. love him.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes… well, actually—no, I don’t know,” Suguru squeezed his eyes shut, “I don’t even know what love feels like.”

“That’s the thing about love, it feels different for everyone.” Suguru’s Mom said, with a chuckle. “I’d say a general description of it would be the warmth in your chest when you’re around someone. Wanting that warmth to last forever. To bask in that feeling. Wanting to take care of them, to be there for them through good and bad, and to see them at their worst and still be there.”

That was exactly how Suguru felt about Satoru. But, love ? Was it love? They’d only known each other for a few months (the best months of Suguru’s life). Suguru hadn’t even met Satoru’s parents. There were so many more sides to Satoru that Suguru hadn’t seen. But, the funny, horrible, ironic thing about it was that Suguru knew that no matter how weird Satoru’s other sides were, he was going to like them no matter what. Because it was Satoru. And Satoru was Satoru.

Satoru was beautiful and hilarious and stupid and all the good things in the world, and Suguru didn’t deserve the amount of him that he was able to receive every single day. He didn’t deserve all of the random gifs that Satoru would send him, or the grins Satoru shot his way when they were in class and made eye contact, or the tender way that Satoru intertwined their fingers together when they held hands— he didn’t deserve it at all. But, he wanted to. He wanted to be the kind of person that Satoru could love. The kind of person that Satoru could be with.

Suguru brought his fingers up to his lips, and said, “Oh. I’m in love with him.”

“Yeah,” Suguru’s Mom smiled and pressed her forehead against his own, “You are.”

“What do I do now?”

Her dark eyes had a glint in them. “That’s up to you. What do you think you should do?”

“I have no idea.”

“Hey, Su, guess what? You don’t have to figure it out now. You can take all the time you need.” She said, softly. “And if you want to talk to me about it, I’m always going to be here. Alright?” 

“Yeah,” Suguru nodded. “I know. Thanks Mom.”

—

“Oh, wow,” was the only thing that Satoru said when Suguru opened the front door for him. Satoru was wearing a practically skin tight long sleeve shirt and a pair of jeans that fit loosely around his hips, and his hair was slightly more combed than usual but not by much. He had a rosy tint to his cheeks and he was staring Suguru up and down.

Ignoring the pitter patter of his heart trying to jump out of his chest, Suguru said, “What?”

“You look…” Satoru gestured towards his outfit. “Wow.”

“Is that a good or bad thing?” Suguru said, tilting his head to the side. Was the mesh top too much? He’d thought Satoru might like it, but… he probably didn’t. Of course he didn’t. Suguru probably looked weird and everyone was lying and telling him that he looked good to make him feel better about himself.

“You can’t be serious,” Satoru’s mouth gaped open. 

Suguru’s eyebrows furrowed together. “I know it’s not what I usually wear, but I thought it was at least decent. Should I change into something else?”

Satoru shook his head and said, “No Suguru, you look fucking supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.”

Now Suguru was confused. “Satoru, what the hell does that mean?” 

“Hot,” Satoru rephrased, clearing his throat and scratching the side of his face. “You look hot.”

Oh.

Oh. 

It felt like Suguru’s cheeks were on fire. No way Satoru just called him hot? That was.. Oh. He probably meant it in a platonic way. But, it still made Suguru burn. He fidgeted with the collar of his shirt, and forced out the words, “Thank you.” 

A gentle smile played on Satoru’s lips. He took a few steps away from Suguru and said, “Shall we?”

“Yeah,” Suguru nodded, and started walking. Yuki’s house was only a few blocks away from Suguru’s. Which was good. If things turned to shit—which they probably wouldn’t, but in case they did, he’d be able to walk home alone. Suguru liked to think about potential worst case scenarios and what he would do, having escape plans helped him be less anxious.

They walked in comfortable silence for a few minutes.

“Uh, so, I got you something,” Satoru said, randomly, putting his hands in his pockets and pulling out a bracelet. It had a mixture of black and blue beads and it definitely looked more expensive than anything Suguru was wearing. 

Awkwardly, Suguru said, “I can’t take that.”

“Why not? I got it for you,” Satoru said, pursing his lips. “It’d be a waste of money if you don’t take it.”

Suguru bit the inside of his cheek. He couldn’t take it because this was the sweetest thing anyone had ever gotten for him. He wondered if Satoru chose the colors black and blue because they were the colors of their eyes. That was so cute.

Satoru put his palm out and said, “Can I put it on for you?”

Suguru was hesitant, but he held out his hand. As Satoru slid the bracelet on Suguru’s wrist, their fingers brushed together, and Suguru had to force himself not to flinch away from how gentle the touch was. When the bracelet was fully on Suguru’s wrist, Satoru didn’t move his hand away. Instead, he intertwined his fingers with Sugruru’s own.

Shifting his gaze back up to Satoru’s eyes, Suguru raised his eyebrows, asking a question. What did this mean? Did it mean anything? He couldn’t be holding Satoru’s hand for the fake relationship, because there was no one else around besides the two of them. So.. why was he holding his hand?

Satoru didn’t answer, he only flashed his teeth and squeezed Suguru’s hand. 

Suguru rolled his eyes, fondly. Satoru was so strange. And Suguru loved that about him. There didn’t need to be an answer for all of his questions, it was okay for their relationship to be in a probably strange spot, for right now. Like Suguru’s Mom said, they could figure it out on their own time. 

Suguru squeezed Satoru’s hand back and they continued walking.

“Hey Suguru?” Satoru asked, after a minute.

Suguru responded with, “Hm?”

“What are you planning on doing after graduation?”

“After graduation?” Suguru cocked his head to the side. “I’m going to University, aren’t you?”

“Nah,” Satoru said, making a face. “I’m taking a gap-year. I might not go to Uni at all.”

“Really?” Suguru asked, surprised. “I’d have thought with your family…”

“Yeah, they want me to, but I dunno,” Satoru shrugged. “I don’t think I’m meant for school at all.”

“But you’re smart.”

“That doesn’t mean that I wanna do four more years of school,” Satoru laughed. “I, well, there’s so much stuff unrelated to school that I want to try, like traveling. I want to do everything. And see everything. And we already have so little time, y’know, so I want to use as much of it as possible.”

Suguru liked when Satoru talked about things that he was passionate about. “Yeah. I get that.” 

Satoru kicked a rock. “You gonna go to a nearby University?”

“Ah, yeah,” Suguru nodded. “I want to go somewhere near here, to be close to my Mom.”

“That’s good. Means I can visit you all the time.” Satoru said, and Suguru couldn’t tell if he was joking or not because of how nonchalantly he said it. Suguru seriously wouldn’t mind if he was in college and Satoru came over to his dorm everyday. They’d play video games, and watch shitty tv shows, and Suguru would read books to him—that would be a dream. 

“Sure,” Suguru said, trying not to show how enthusiastic he was about that thought. 

Satoru grinned and said, “I can’t wait.”

The rest of the walk to Yuki’s house they talked about dumb things like school and TV shows and celebrities.

—

Suguru stopped walking when they arrived at Yuki’s house. It was gigantic. "Woah.”

“Yeah,” Satoru pulled Suguru’s hand lightly, and then they kept walking towards the front door.

The door was unlocked so they just walked in. And, the inside of Yuki’s house was even more extravagant than the outside of her house. It was practically a mansion. There was basic party music blasting on the speakers, and everyone around them was doing their own thing. It really did seem small compared to the other two parties that Suguru had been to. The moment he looked around and noticed the lack of people, a sort of calmness seeped into his chest. He was sure that everything would be okay.

A tall girl with blonde hair and a big grin on her face bounced over to them, and her eyes lingered on Suguru and Satoru’s intertwined hands for a little too long, before she looked up and said, “Satoru, this your boyfriend? He’s cute.”

“Yeah,” Satoru said, with a proud smile on his face. “Yuki, meet Suguru. And Suguru, meet Yuki.”

Oh, she was Yuki, the girl hosting the party. She was pretty. Suguru  nodded his chin at her and said,  “Nice to meet you.”

Yuki tossed her head to the side and chuckled, her hair swaying along with her. “Nice to meet you too, Suguru. I’ve heard a lot about you. Satoru literally never stops talking about you. It’s always ‘Suguru this,’ ‘Suguru that,’ and I always thought, wow, Suguru must be the perfect guy for Satoru to talk about him this much.”

Suguru turned to look at Satoru, whose ears were red. Honestly, Satoru didn’t know why he was embarrassed, he said stuff like that to Suguru’s face all the time. God, he was the weirdest guy Suguru had ever met. With a light chuckle, Suguru responded with, “Good to know.”

After winking and telling them to have fun, Yuki went off to go and talk to a different group of people. She seemed like a nice person—eccentric, but nice. 

“Let’s get drinks,” Suguru said, squeezing Satoru’s hand.

“You’re going to drink?” Satoru asked, looking concerned. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” Suguru shrugged. He was pretty sure he was ready to get drunk again. He definitely wouldn’t drink as much as he did last time. And, he wanted to loosen up a little for tonight. So that he could have fun without worrying about the people around them. “Just a little bit. Don’t worry about me.”

“Alright, alright, okay.”

They walked over to the ‘bar’ (kitchen table with bottles of alcohol on it) and both got two shots of vodka. They chugged it at the same time and Satoru giggled when Suguru gagged at the taste. It reminded Suguru of hand sanitizer. He should’ve mixed it with something.

“What should we do now?” Suguru asked, grabbing a can of coke to wash away the sourness in his throat. 

Satoru responded with, “Whatever you want to do.”

Opening the can, Suguru murmured, “Well, you’re the one who invited me. It’s your decision.”

“I guess that’s true.” Satoru licked his lower lip, and suggested, “We could go dance downstairs?”

Suguru shook his head. Sure he could dance if he really wanted to, but he was never sure if he looked stupid, so he always felt way too self-conscious to enjoy himself. Plus, it’d been so long since the last time he danced that he didn’t even remember how to. “Maybe after the alcohol hits.”

“Okay,” Satoru said, nonjudgmentally. He thought for a second and then said, “We could head out to the balcony and, I dunno, just chill? I doubt there’ll be many people out there, so it’ll be good to relax.”

Suguru pushed his bangs behind his ear with his free hand and said, “Yeah, yeah. That sounds good.”

—

“I’ve never seen a balcony this big,” Suguru commented as they stepped outside onto Yuki’s balcony. There were a few people out there— a couple making out and three girls talking about something, but the balcony was big enough for it not to matter. He and Satoru walked over to a far away corner and leaned on the railing. 

They were still holding hands. Suguru decided not to comment on it because he didn’t want to make anything weird. The lighting on the balcony made Satoru’s features seem a lot more defined. Like, the curve of his jawline, or the bridge of his nose, or the brightness of his eyelashes. Suguru had to force himself to look away.

“It’s a nice night,” Satoru said, quietly, well, quieter than he usually spoke.

“Yeah,” Suguru nodded. “It is a nice night.”

Suguru felt Satoru’s thumb start rubbing the back of his hand. It sent a tingle throughout his entire body. Satoru cleared his throat and said,  “I think the alcohol is hitting for me.”

“Yeah?” Suguru hummed. He wasn’t sure if the alcohol was doing anything for him. He might need to drink some more. 

“I’m sure you noticed last time, but I’m kinda a touchy drunk,” Satoru explained, a lull to his voice. “So, if I’m doing too much, let me know and I’ll stop. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

Suguru nodded, not sure what to say. He couldn’t focus on much besides Satoru’s moving thumb. He liked this feeling. He wanted it to last forever. 

“You’re smiling,” Satoru commented.

Oh. Suguru hadn’t noticed. He glanced at Satoru, “So what?”

“What are you smiling about?”

“Nothing,” Suguru laughed. “I can’t smile?”

“You barely ever smile,” Satoru started laughing too. “I like it.”

“You’ve told me that so many times,” Suguru said, laughing in between his words. “You’re always complimenting me.”

“Does it make you uncomfortable?” Satoru asked, sounding genuine. “I can stop. Probably.”

Suguru shook his head, “I like it a lot. Only because it’s you though.”

Satoru made a face that Suguru couldn’t quite decipher, and then he said, “We should probably go where there’s other people.”

“Why?” Suguru wondered.

“I might accidentally kiss you,” Satoru said, tugging Suguru’s hand and stepping towards the door without giving Suguru a chance to respond or even think about what he’d just said.

Suguru only blinked and let Satoru pull him inside. He was sure he hadn’t heard that wrong.. Had he? It was true that he was a little tipsy, maybe tipsiness made people hear things wrong. Yeah. He was hearing things wrong. Satoru didn’t say that he wanted to kiss him. Satoru wasn’t interested in him like that. 

“I want another shot,” Suguru said, wanting to feel at least a little bit drunk.

Satoru’s entire face was flushed from the alcohol. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah, yeah, I can tell when I’ve had too much, don’t worry,” Suguru felt like he’d been telling Satoru ‘don’t worry’ a million times tonight. He was grateful that Satoru cared so much. He let go of Satoru’s hand (begrudgingly) to go over to the bar and pour himself another shot. After swallowing it and gagging, he walked over to Satoru and flashed his teeth.

Satoru smiled back and sang, “Su-gu-ru!”

Suguru laughed, “Sa-to-ru!”

They were being so childish. But, Suguru didn’t care. At all. He wasn’t even sure it was the alcohol that made him not care, it was just Satoru. 

Satoru draped an arm around Suguru’s shoulder and said, “Did’ya drink enough to go dance?”

“I don’t really.. know how to dance, to be honest,” Suguru admitted, leaning into Satoru.

“I’ll show you.” Satoru said, immediately. 

“Okay,” Suguru nodded. “Okay, teach me.”

They walked down to the basement and there was some random slow song playing. A bunch of people that looked like couples were dancing with each other and holding their partners close. Fuck.

Suguru turned to look at Satoru, who didn’t seem to be fazed by what was going on. When they made eye contact, Satoru smiled at him, and it was soft and welcoming, and Suguru forgot why he’d been nervous. 

“You ready?” Satoru asked.

Suguru laughed, “Sure. I’m going to embarrass myself.”

“You could never,” Satoru pulled Suguru onto the dance floor, and suddenly they were in the middle of all of the couples. And it would have been suffocating for Suguru if Satoru hadn’t still been smiling the gentlest smile at him. “So, I’m going to put my hands on your hips. And then you put your hands on my shoulders. Okay?”

“Mhm,” Suguru set his hands on Satoru’s shoulders.

Satoru grinned and lightly placed his hands on Suguru’s waist. It was, it was nice. More than nice. It felt good. It sent a shiver up Suguru’s spine. Satoru’s fingers were long but also tender.

“Now what?” Suguru asked, noticing that they were still kind of awkwardly far apart from each other.

In response to that, Satoru used his hands to draw Suguru closer to him. Since they were the same height, their waists made contact. Suguru didn’t move away though, and Satoru didn’t either. They smiled at each other. 

“And now we sway,” Satoru said, quietly, into Suguru’s ear. His breath was warm. “To the left and to the right.”

Suguru nodded, kind of unable to speak.

They swayed to the left, and to the right, and to the left and to the right.

“You’re not bad at this,” Satoru said, in a low voice. “You’re a natural.”

“We’re only swaying,” Suguru scoffed. “It’s not actual dancing.”

The right side of Satoru’s mouth turned up and he said, “Wanna try something that’s not swaying?”

“Like what?”

In the span of a few seconds, Satoru grabbed Suguru’s hand, spun him around, and dipped him. His hand was on Suguru’s lower back, and their faces were only a few inches away from each other, and he was mid-laughter. 

Suguru was staring up at him, and honestly, he really should’ve been fucking annoyed that Satoru spun and dipped him without asking first. He should’ve been furious with him. He should’ve called Satoru an asshole and stormed out of the party. But, he didn’t really feel like doing all of that. He thought Satoru was really, seriously so adorable and immature and his bad qualities were as likable, if not more likable, than his good ones.

“Idiot,” Suguru said, pretending to be mad and swatting at Satoru’s chest with his free hand. “Let go of me.”

“But then you’ll fall,” Satoru responded, with a teasing look on his face.

Suguru licked his lips. It felt like the right thing to do in the moment.

Then, Satoru’s gaze dropped down to Suguru’s mouth. 

And suddenly, a flush was spreading to Suguru’s face. He didn’t know why. Maybe it was because it felt like there was something about to happen between the two of them. This was very romantic. But, Satoru didn’t like him like that. Despite what Shoko said to try and convince Suguru that was true, it just, it wouldn’t make sense.

And Suguru was right, because after that, a weird look came on Satoru’s face and he lifted Suguru back up. He stepped back, and wouldn’t make eye contact with Suguru, and then he said, “I need to go to the bathroom. Er, I’ll be right back.”

“Hey, wait, don’t leave me here—” Suguru started to say, but Satoru was long gone before he could even finish his sentence.

Suguru bit his lip. Was the thought of kissing him that disturbing to Satoru? That he’d have to go all the way upstairs to avoid him? Fuck. He needed another drink. 

There was a bottle of vodka laying on the ground near the stairs, so Suguru picked it up and took a swig. And then another. And another. And then he stopped himself from drinking any more because he seriously didn’t want to black out again. Suguru was pretty sure it was a good idea to drink more because he was starting to feel buzzy, and, and he was thinking less about how there was no chance that Satoru liked him.

Why did Satoru have to be such a lovely person? Suguru wished that Satoru was an unpleasant person so that it would be easier for him to not like him. But he wasn’t unpleasant. He was so lovely that it was insane. It made Suguru feel inadequate in comparison. Not that he should be comparing himself to Satoru regardless, but, it happened. 

Satoru was a rich, smart, gorgeous guy, but Suguru, Suguru was just some guy. He wasn’t even close to being on Satoru’s level, and Satoru was only friends with him because of the weird attachment that he had, and not because he actually was interested in anything about Suguru— no, no, no that wasn’t true. Satoru made it clear that he liked hanging out with Suguru. His mind racing was his anxiety, it wasn’t the truth.

Suguru walked over to the wall and held onto it, feeling a little dizzy. 

Ironically, the moment he started holding onto the wall was the moment that Satoru came downstairs, and even from far away, Suguru could see the concern in his eyes. 

“Su, are you alright?” Satoru rushed over and put  a hand on his shoulder.

Furrowing his eyebrows, Suguru said, “Yes, I’m fine.” The words came out harsher than he meant them to, so he repeated them in a lighter tone, “I’m okay.”

“I,” Satoru pulled his hand away and put it in his pocket. “I’m sorry about earlier. I was—”

“You don’t have to explain,” Suguru grunted. “It’s whatever.”

“No I want to—”

“Satoru, please,” Suguru said, again, firmer this time. Suguru didn’t want to be rejected right now. He wanted to have fun “Whatever you’re about to say, I don’t want to hear it. Okay?”

Satoru looked like a kicked puppy.

Suguru softened immediately at the sight. “It’s not that I don’t care about what you’re about to say. But, I’m tipsy, and, getting a little drunk, so, I don’t think it’s a good time to do whatever you’re about to do. Does that make sense?”

Scratching his neck, Satoru responded with, “Yeah, yeah. I get it. I get it. So, should we go back to dancing?”

Suguru nodded, smiling as best as he could, “Mhm. Let’s dance.”

And they did dance, but not as close as they’d been before. It made Suguru feel a little down. He had to try and convince himself that it wasn’t a big deal. Which was easier since he’d had a lot more alcohol in his system now. 

“Su?” Satoru’s voice took Suguru out of his trance.

“Hm?” Suguru opened his eyes and tilted his head to the side, and smiled, “Hi Satoru.”

Satoru’s cheeks looked rosy, but Suguru couldn’t really tell. The lighting in the basement was so dim. “Su, are you good?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Suguru held up a thumbs up. “I’m swell.”

“Swell?”

“I’m fucking swell,” Suguru said again, with a laugh. “Are you?”

“Uh, yeah, I think,” Satoru said, looking around the room for something. “Did someone give you something while I was gone?”

“Not exactly,” Suguru started getting a little dizzy again. He reached for the wall but somehow ended up grabbing onto Satoru instead. It was fine. For now. Suguru was too drunk to care. He laid his head in the crook of Satoru’s neck. “There was a vodka bottle on the ground so I drank a bit. So I’m definitely drunk right now. But, not drunk enough to black out. I know my limits now.”

Satoru wrapped his arms around Suguru and sighed, “You shouldn’t have drank it.”

“I know my limits,” Suguru repeated. “I’m definitely not as drunk as you were at the last party we went to. So I think I’m good.”

“Sorry about that.”

“It was really nothing. I liked being able to take care of you. Even though it was annoying.”

Satoru didn’t respond.

“Are you dead?” Suguru asked, not wanting to lift up his head to see why Satoru wasn’t saying anything.

“Almost,” Satoru said, squeezing Suguru tighter. “I, I like that you liked taking care of me.”

“Oh,” Suguru said. “You do? Why?”

“It’s… complicated?”

“Oh. Okay.” A yawn forced its way out of Suguru’s throat. “Shit. I think I’m getting tired.”

“Want me to walk you home?”

Suguru frowned. “No, I want to hang out with you for longer.”

Satoru laughed at that, which Suguru didn’t understand because it wasn’t a joke. He was being serious. It wasn’t supposed to be funny. Satoru’s fingers brushed against the nape of Suguru’s neck, while he said, “I can walk you home and hang out for a bit before I leave? Does that work?” 

Suguru lifted his head up so that he could make eye contact, “Want to sleepover?”

That seemed to fluster Satoru a little bit. “I—I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

“Why wouldn’t it be?”

“Well, you know…” Satoru trailed off. 

“We don’t have to sleep on the same bed.”

“No, it’s not that! I want to sleep on the same bed as you. I think I want to sleep over too much .” 

“Why’s that a bad thing?” It was hurting Suguru’s brain to think right now. “Just say yes. You’re at my house all the time anyway.”

Satoru looked like he was thinking for a minute, and then he mumbled, “Okay. Okay. You did sleepover at my place when I asked you to.”

Suguru’s lips turned upwards into a smile..

—

The walk back to Suguru’s house wasn’t bad at all. Satoru’s arm was wrapped around his waist the entire time so he wouldn’t fall. And they talked about their favorite superheroes (Satoru couldn’t pick one so he decided on his top five). When they got to Suguru’s bedroom, Suguru collapsed on his bed and then he noticed that Satoru was lingering by the door.

Suguru pushed his bangs away from his face and asked, “Are you okay?”

Satoru tugged at the collar of his shirt. He seemed nervous. “Yeah. Fine.”

“Come lay down with me,” Suguru said, gesturing with his hands.

Slowly, Satoru walked over to him and laid down on the spot beside him. His face was still flushed and his mouth was in a half-pout and he looked so cute. 

“Hi Satoru.”

“Hey Su,” Satoru’s gaze was heavy. “I like you.”

“I know,” Suguru only wished that it was more than that. But he’d take what he could get. “I like you too. You’re the only other friend I hang out with besides Shoko, you know?”

“Yeah, I know,” Satoru laughed lightly at that. “It makes me feel special. Like you chose me. Or something. Even though it was the other way around.”

“I did choose you,” Suguru said, his words starting to come out a little slurred. “I wouldn’t be friends with someone just because they wouldn’t stop bothering me.” 

Satoru’s adams apple bobbed. “Yeah?”

“Yeah, so,” Suguru shrugged. “You’re special.”

“I’m glad.”

They smiled at each other.

Suguru put his hand flat on the side of Satoru’s face. It was cold. He traced the outline of Satoru’s jawline with his pointer finger and he could hear Satoru’s breathing speed up. “I’ve always wanted to do that. Sorry.”

Satoru gently grabbed Suguru’s wrist. “Don’t apologize to me for anything. You can do whatever you want with me.”

God, did Satoru not understand how suggestive that sounded? Suguru’s wrist tingled where Satoru was holding it. Randomly, Suguruu remembered how Satoru said that he’d hooked up with Mei Mei. Satoru must hook up with people all the time, and.. Maybe.. Well, there’s a chance that he’d also hook up with Suguru. Would that ruin their friendship? 

Suguru needed to stop thinking. He scooted closer to Satoru, and asked, “Hypothetically…would you sleep with me right now?”

Satoru let go of Suguru’s wrist. He didn’t look upset, but he didn’t look happy either. “You should get some rest.”

“Answer my question and then I’ll go to sleep,” Suguru said, moving his finger to rest on Satoru’s lower lip. “Would you?”

“Su, you’re drunk,” Satoru whispered.

Suguru shrugged, “Not that drunk.”

“Still,” Satoru shook his head. “It’d be like taking advantage of you. I’m not going to do that.”

Suguru blinked. And then he laughed. “Okay, Satoru. I appreciate that.”

Satoru seemed surprised for a moment, but then he laughed too. He put his hand on Suguru’s shoulder and said, “You’re my favorite person. Have I ever told you that?” 

“You haven’t,” Suguru murmured, staring into Satoru’s eyes. Even in the dark, they were so bright. “I think you might be my favorite person too. Don’t tell Shoko I said that.”

Smiling, Satoru said, “I won’t.” 

Suguru’s finger was still on Satoru’s mouth. He didn’t want to move it, but, he was sleepy and his hand felt heavy, so he dropped his hand and closed his eyes. “Goodnight Satoru.”

“Sweet dreams, Su.”

—

A banging headache woke Suguru up the next morning. He opened his eyes and immediately shut them when he saw the sun from outside. Shit, it hurt. There was a weight on his chest. He knew what it was, but he let his eyes open a sliver so that he could confirm.

And, yep. It was Satoru, with his eyes closed, and that innocent expression on his face. He was sleeping like he’d never slept before in his life. He was.. Adorable.

Instead of waking him up, Suguru lifted up his hand and played with Satoru’s hair for a little bit. 

Eventually, Satoru groaned and raised his head. And, like usual, the second he made eye contact with Suguru a grin spread to his lips. “Goodmorning, Su.”

Suguru ruffled Satoru’s hair and said, “Morning.”

“You hungover?” Satoru asked, amusement in his gaze.

“Very,” Suguru said, smiling softly. “Sorry about everything that happened last night. I guess I don’t know my limits as well as I thought I did.”

“S’okay,” Satoru said, “I didn’t mind.”

“I meant it when I said I think you’re my favorite person, by the way,” Suguru felt so much love for Satoru that it almost hurt. He needed to express at least some of it so that he wouldn’t explode. “You mean a lot to me. I don’t want to get mushy, but I don’t want you to think I only said that because I was drunk.”

Satoru smiled up at him with rosy cheeks, “Su, you’re so perfect.”

“I’m not,” Suguru grunted. “I’m flawed like everyone else.”

“I don’t think you have any flaws,” Satoru said, sounding serious.

“But I do,” Suguru said, licking his lips. “I’m stubborn, I’m a loner, and I’m anxious. I’m not a perfect person—there’s no such thing as a perfect person.”

“You’re perfect to me. That’s what I meant.” Satoru clarified, clicking his tongue. “If I pictured my perfect person, it’d be Suguru Geto. ‘Cause I seriously don’t think there’s anyone in the world that could be better than you in any way. Even if you think I shouldn’t believe that, I do, and there’s nothing that you can do about it.”

Suguru flicked Satoru’s forehead, “Whatever.”

Satoru shot him an unserious glare.

“Mm, anyways,” Suguru tugged gently at a strand of Satoru’s hair, making him stick his tongue out. “I like your hair. It’s always nice.”

“‘Course it is, I’m—”

Knowing what he was going to say, Suguru finished for him, “You’re Satoru Gojo.”

Satoru beamed, showing all of his teeth. His eyes turned to slits because his smile was so wide, and his rosy cheeks only made his smile seem more beautiful. It took Suguru aback because it was the biggest smile he’d ever seen Satoru wear on his face. It might have been the most genuine smile he’d witnessed in his life. It was natural and full of life and beautiful . 

Giggling, Satoru said, “Exactly! I’m Satoru Gojo. And you’re Suguru Geto. And we’re both amazing.”

“Aren’t you humble?” Suguru teased, with a light laugh.

“Humility is for losers,” Satoru grinned, shifting his position on Suguru’s chest so that their faces were almost touching. He glanced down at Suguru’s lips and back up at his eyes. “Do you remember the question you asked me last night? When you were like ‘would you sleep with me?’”

Suguru bit his lip. He did remember. “Unfortunately, yeah.”

“Why’d you ask that?” Satoru said, curiously. 

Because I’m in love with you. “I don’t know.”

Satoru raised his eyebrows as if he didn’t believe that. “Okay. Well, do you want my honest answer?”

Suguru didn’t know. He didn’t want to be rejected, but, with how close Satoru was to him right now, it didn’t feel like he was about to be rejected. With the way that Satoru was staring at him, it almost was like he was about to kiss him. Suguru opened his mouth to respond, not knowing what word was going to come out of his mouth.

But he was interrupted by a knock on the door.

“Su, honey are you in there? I made pancakes,” Suguru’s Mom opened the door and looked inside. The second she saw them, her face turned red. “Sorry! I didn’t— I— sorry!”

She quickly closed the door.

Suguru was embarrassed, because it must have looked like they were about to do something. Their faces were inches apart and Satoru was literally on top of Suguru’s chest and Suguru’s hand was in his hair. Wait. Were they about to do something? Shit, Suguru wanted to find out. He shifted his gaze from the door to Satoru.

He still had that shiteating grin on his face, seemingly unbothered by the interruption. He jerked his chin towards the door and said, “Guess we should go eat?”

Suguru nodded and tried to ignore the pit of sadness forming in his stomach. Probably nothing was going to happen anyway.. He shouldn’t be sad about it. “You’re right.”

—

“These are so good,” Satoru hummed as he gobbled up the pancake that Suguru’s Mom made.. He was such a messy eater, getting crumbs all around his mouth and on his shirt. “Damn, Mrs. Getou, you should open a bakery!”

Suguru’s Mom laughed, twisting her bracelet around her wrist, “Maybe I should.” 

Suguru nodded, even though he knew that she didn’t have anywhere near enough money to afford to open a business. Satoru knew that too, but he was probably so distracted eating that he didn’t realize what he was saying. 

Suguru analyzed his Mom, trying to tell if she’d been disturbed by seeing them earlier. Her breathing was light, her chest was slowly rising and falling, and she had a soft smile on her face. She seemed very fine. Happy, even.

It was true that she did know that Suguru was in love with Satoru, but Suguru would’ve thought that seeing another guy on top of your son would be more distressing. He was definitely thinking too much about it. His Mom was always a very relaxed person. She was probably only flustered because she thought she was disrupting them. Which was embarrassing for Suguru.

Putting a piece of his pancake into his mouth with his fork, Suguru’s gaze shifted to Satoru. He always ate his food like a child, like he’d never been taught proper table manners. He probably hadn’t. He was a Gojo, he didn’t need to have manners. Still, Suguru decided that it was okay since Satoru looked like he was having fun shoveling food into his face. It made Suguuru happy to see Satoru happy.

Satoru must have noticed Suguru watching, because he made eye contact. He smirked and said, “Why’re you staring?”

“I’m not staring,” Suguru tore his gaze away and back to his pancakes. “You’re eating like a pig, that’s all.”

“Am not,” Satoru kicked his leg under the table.

Suguru kicked him back. “You should swallow what you have in your mouth before putting more in.”

Satoru snorted and whispered into Suguru’s ear, “That’s dirty.”

It took Suguru a second to understand what Satoru meant by that, and when he did, he flushed and snapped his head towards him. He had that annoying ass grin on his face, like he was amused, but it wasn’t funny. Suguru’s Mom was right there. Even though she didn’t hear him, he still shouldn’t have said that. And, and, and … the fact that it made Suguru a little hard, even though it was annoying and lame— fuck. Suguru narrowed his eyes and muttered,  “You’re the worst.”

Satoru laughed, “That’s not what you said last night.”

Suguru elbowed him in the ribs and he hissed. 

Feeling eyes on the two of them, Suguru glanced over at his Mom, who was staring at them with so much love in her eyes it was actually surprising. She brushed a strand of her hair behind her ear and said, “You two are so charming.”

Charming? That was one word for it. Suguru thought they were being immature.

Draping an arm around Suguru’s shoulder and pressing his cheek against his, Satoru said, “Nah, it’s all Suguru.”

Suguru frowned, “I’m never letting you sleepover here again.”

“Sure,” Satoru grinned wider. “Sure, you’re not.”