Chapter Text
Ch 22 Flowers On A Gravestone, You (Can) Rebuild
Gendo Ikari's eyes opened, and he found himself in his childhood home. A place he had been more than happy to forget. Sitting in the same spot he always did, right across from his father's chair, inside the room he most despised. His memory was more than a little spotty, he had taken more than a few knocks to the head of late.
Still, this was a place out of time, the entire house existed now only as a memory, this could not be reality.
He was pulled out of his recollections by a noise across from him. Looking up, he saw a familiar pair of eyes peering back at him incredulously.
"Who are you?"
"Guess."
"Does this mean I've succeeded? Where is Yui?"
The doppelgänger across from him only frowned, his expression visibly darkening behind his already darkened shades. The one's he'd replaced himself ages ago, in favor of his more advanced visor.
"I can answer that, but I won't. It would seem the purpose of this is for her to force us into conversation. Let's get this over with quickly."
"Who are you, really?"
"You, obviously. A less successful you, or perhaps more successful, I'm not entirely certain myself. I am the one who was given powers by the creator of humanity to stop the fruition of my own plan."
"So the boy wasn't lying, and I think I know the she you're referring to. If the goal is to convince me against continuing to pursue my scenario, you're a little late. You appeared in the wrong head, it would seem."
"I agree, such things are only minutiae now. Are you not even slightly interested in knowing why I ultimately chose working against the scenario's achievement? Why would I abandon our goal? The one that kept us alive after losing our wife?"
"Easily. I imagine it is quite easy to give up when you've lost all chance of success. It doesn't sound to me like you were given much choice."
"I was given plenty of choices. If that were true, I wouldn't be here to begin with."
"Speak plainly. I don't have time for games."
"Oh, I'm sorry. Do you have somewhere you need to be? Or has your climactic battle left you partially deaf? Your purpose here is for you to understand me and vice versa, not that I have much need for it anymore. Try to be less petulant."
"Understand what? I only understand that you were weak, powerless, incapable of enforcing your will onto the world and suffering as a result."
"And what does that make you, then?"
"Today is a day of new beginnings, not just of goodbyes. As I look out into this sea of prospective youthful faces, I do not see the end of highschool, but the beginning of the rest of your lives."
"Mein Gott, try to be a little more corny, why don't you?"
A silent elbow from the young man standing next to her quieted the redhead as they stood beside the stage. It was almost time for her to go up and speak.
"Now I'd like our school's valedictorian to share a few words with us as well. Please give a round of applause for the fabulous Miss Asuka Langley Soryu."
Asuka took a deep breath before warily approaching the podium. Briefly adjusting the microphone before refocusing her gaze into a scorching glare out into the audience.
"When I came to this school, I was alone. All I cared about was being the best Evangelion pilot. I was, and as you all know, I was also the last. Being the best destroyed me. To get it, I had to give up everything. Friends, Lovers, all of them were distractions. Because of that, I made a lot of mistakes. Some small, others…not so much."
Horrid memories clawed themselves back to the surface of her memories. Her skin tingled as she felt the pricks of pain radiating out from her nonexistent scars. With a forceful slam of her fist onto the podium, she forced herself to focus back on her speech.
"What I'm trying to say is that I, Asuka the Great, need the help of others to make it in this world. So what chance do you think you have? And to cut a long story short, people you care about aren't distractions. The other stuff is."
"I didn't realize that in time. That those bonds I had formed during the Angel war were the ones I valued the most. They didn't make me weak. They made me strong. Without them, I wouldn't be standing here today. That's why I've split my dumb speech into thirds. For your stupid benefit, not mine. Knock 'em dead First, you got this."
The school's headmaster seemed flabbergasted, moving to cut off the approaching bluenette before she got in the man's face. A quick exchange of looks was enough for the man to realize it wasn't worth the trouble.
"Greetings, my name is Rei Ikari. Despite my celebrity since the end of the Angel war. For the first time I can remember, I have lived a normal life. One I did not think I deserved. That was my mistake, failing to account for my own worth whilst holding others up on a pedestal."
"It is one I have rectified by learning to enjoy life. For all its flaws, in fact, because of its flaws, it is even more beautiful. A lesson I hope others can learn if they do not value themselves. There is nothing to be gained in death, only loss. Loss that I wouldn't wish on anyone. Thank you."
She could see the boy next to her hesitating, as it was his time to speak. A small smile forced its way across her lips at the boy's familiar behavior, it wasn't something she saw often anymore. Even after breaking the world apart and putting it back together, Shinji was still Shinji, and he was terrible at public speaking. An impolite shove was all it took to shake the boy from his stupor.
"Hi…Uhh My name is Shinji Ikari, but you probably already knew that. Wait, hold on, I didn't mean it like that…. Being famous wasn't my choice, trust me."
As Asuka moved to comfort the boy, she was stopped by a wave of his hand and a look of steely determination. She couldn't help but roll her eyes. He looked more serious now than when he'd been fighting the Angels and if she asked, she could probably guess which he'd prefer to be facing.
"Let's start that over. My name is Shinji Ikari. I'm not the person who fixed the world. I was making right what I did in the first place by breaking it. Don't call me a hero. If you asked me why I did it, I can only give you selfish reasons."
"There were so many people, so much braver than me, that should be here. Better at public speaking too. I wish they were here with me. As an old friend of mine often said. Helping people when you have the ability to isn't a burden, it's a gift and above all else, a responsibility."
"So if you have the capability to help someone and you can, do it, or you'll never forget it. I think it sounds cliche because we keep needing to repeat it, or else we might forget. If you can find it in you. Then maybe this whole mess will have been worth something. My friend lived by that rule and died by it. I can only hope I'll live up to the example that he set for all of us."
"That doesn't make me a hero. This world doesn't need heroes. It never did. All we need are people, who are still willing to try, even when trying itself seems impossible. I don't know what kind of story that makes. What I do know, is that it requires an ending, otherwise it's no story at all."
"I did what I did because a world without the ones I love was a worse pain than loving them in the first place. In that process, I learned how wrong I was. Caring for someone only gives them the capacity to hurt you. If you believe that's all that's ever going to happen, you will be right. Without fail."
"We all have our scars. Sometimes life deals you a bad hand and you're stuck. All you can do then is play it. They never asked for things to be this way, but they did their best despite that. You already know who my father is, more than that you know what he did. As crazy as it sounds. He didn't do it with hate, he did it for love. As twisted as he was, that always remained true."
"When I could finally see past the hurt, past the lies and barriers he'd erected to hide his true self. Who he really was before a life of pain had hollowed him out. Gendo Ikari's spirit shined."
"It shined brighter than any star in the sky, it was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. Despite all he did to hurt me, I'll always miss him."
Before the boy could even finish speaking, the crowd exploded into a flurry of cheers, so loud it made her wince.
Honestly she'd been worried that speaking about his father would draw the crowd's ire, it appeared to have the opposite look. Words of encouragement and support were being hurled at them randomly. It would appear that the crowd related to the pain in his words spoken about the complicated relationship with the man who had created him. She had to give them credit, they'd exceeded her expectations, it meant her planned pep talk for after they leave could go back on the shelve for later.
They thought of him as just another of Gendo Ikari's victims, it was truer than they knew.
Shinji had grown so much since they first met, not just physically though he'd shot up like a weed. He was far more confident for one and only apologized when he really meant it. His maturity had impressed even her. He was the one who convinced her to try therapy, quite the feat. To top that off he was a far better listener than she was. All she saw it for was an excuse to vent about her latest frustrations, he'd taken the words to heart.
That didn't mean he was perfect, far from it, and neither was she. But he was always trying to be better, that was had made her fall in love with the boy all over again. They drove each other to new heights, to always be better. As long as they were together the world was their oyster. Whatever that meant.
After taking her time to bask properly in the people's adoration. Asuka had finally lost her patience for the already long dragged out ceremony.
They already had their diplomas, and she was getting bored. Amidst the confusion, she grabbed the boy, still frozen to the podium. Dragging him with one hand as she used the other pulled his equally oblivious sibling along with them.
They had to enter a dead sprint to escape the proverbial horde of sycophants, who followed them wherever they went now. Hopefully, it would die down with time and they could live normally without being harangued. She'd be damned if they had to get trapped behind another wall of giggling schoolgirls trying to introduce themselves to her Shinji.
The once haughty posture and frightening demeanor of the once infamous Gendo Ikari had vanished.
In its wake leaving behind only a man slowly withered away by the ravages of time. His frame seemed impossibly small for the deeds he'd committed to end up sitting in this room.
He wanted to say that he didn't look that haggard, but he probably looked worse. It had been weeks since he'd bathed, let alone changed into fresh clothes. His own body's condition had been secondary to ensuring the scenario went along as planned.
"So I failed then. It's over, I lost."
"Indeed, it is. The final impact has come and gone. Society is wounded but rebuilding. In time, all that has happened will be a distant and unpleasant memory, one relegated only to the pages of books. Both of the Gendo Robakungi's names will be lost to the annals of history."
"So will that of Yui Ikari, don't forget."
"Incorrect. Not entirely."
The calmness of the man across from him enraged Gendo. How could any version of him be so downbeat? So accepting of an unacceptable reality, it sickened him.
It's true, whether we want to admit it or not. That was the price of failure, it always was."
"The story of Yui Ikari and Gendo Robkubungi is over. What you have made, however, will long outlive both of you."
"You are right. My failure will haunt me as long as I draw breath."
He could see his own frustration mirrored in his strange doppelgänger. It was what he got for speaking so condescendingly when he knew exactly how much it infuriated him.
"Your story, Gendo Ikari, is not yet finished."
"Does contact with Lilith damage the speech center? Speak clearly."
"That's the beauty of it. I don't have to. I tried to tell her how stubborn we are. It'll be better if you see for yourself, anyway."
When he finished speaking, the man gestured to a door that hadn't been in the claustrophobic room before. When he looked back to ask another question, he now found himself gazing at an empty chair.
The door was already cracked, with beams of sunlight streaming into the dim room.
He took a deep breath before charging the door, swinging it open as quickly as he could.
"I refuse to let you order a salad First, this is a celebration! And It's free!"
"I do not desire surf nor turf. This is the most calorically dense option that doesn't rely on using meat as an ingredient."
"Lobsters are crustaceans, they're practically insects. Even you can't feel bad about eating them. They don't even feel pain."
"That is a myth, furthermore I would not consume insects for the same reason, you know that. As do I know why you're trying to force a conversation about food."
The redhead visibly deflated at these words, disdainfully looking up and finally locking eyes with the purple-haired woman. An awkward silence settled over the table as neither of the two women seemed willing to start the conversation. This frustrated Rei, so she accelerated the process.
"Katsuragi, Asuka is still upset over your actions during the Angel war and your failure to address them in the time since. Soryu, Katsuragi believes her actions are unforgivable and that your reaction is justified. She has refused to even attempt seeking forgiveness as a form of self punishment. Regardless of your reasons, It has gone on for far too long. I know neither of you is content with this current status quo. Does that cover everything?"
A heavy silence drug itself out as the two women continued their staring match. Before long, and with an exaggerated sigh of exasperation. The normally bombastic redhead spoke in a perfectly quiet and even tone.
"Words are words. Your actions told me plenty about how you really feel. I'm not the only one you discarded, just the first. I'm not a doormat, and I won't forgive you for abandoning me and sending me off to the moon."
The boy sitting next to the girl had finally realized he was also part of this conversation. Placing a hand upon the girl's shoulder and whispering something into her ear. To think such intimacy between the two had once seemed impossible. It warmed her heart and convinced her she needed to keep pushing. It would be worth it.
While Rei was distracted by her own thoughts, the situation continued to devolve.
"Asuka, I'm so sorry, you're right."
"I am. Come on Shinji, we're leaving."
The girl's gaze hardened into a fearsome scowl. With a start, she stood up, her palms slamming against the table's surface as she turned and stormed out of the restaurant.
The boy sitting next to her looked like a deer in headlights. Clearly stuck between his desire to chase after the girl while not appearing rude.
"I'm sorry, We'll try again later I promise, today… it just wasn't a good day today."
She flashed a small smile at her nervous sibling while Mari made a shooing gesture with her hand.
It was a bright and beautiful day in Tokyo-3. All he could hear were the soft sounds of trees blowing in the wind and the light chirping of birds.
Gendo Ikari stood inside a dead city, one he was directly responsible for destroying. Now picturesque, with the rising sun reflecting off still buildings still glistening from the morning dew. Illuminating the small groups of people going about their daily lives, uncaring of his utter shock at his bizarre surroundings.
"What happens now?" He spoke out to the empty street, not expecting an answer.
"That depends on you." The ever annoying manifestation of himself appeared and disappeared before he could properly berate him.
"What about you?"
"Me? That's not who you should be worried about. I haven't the faintest idea what happens next. I am content with whatever my fate may be. My mission is complete."
"And what mission would that be, exactly?"
"To help my son save the world, and by extension, you."
"I do not deserve saving of any sort."
"Perhaps, true or untrue, it isn't for you to decide. They have chosen mercy, and you have no choice but to accept that."
Gendo had a dozen more questions lined up for the evasive figure. His chance had already vanished as he heard the familiar sounds of a train pulling up to the station. Within moments, the doors flew open.
Rushing out directly at him was a redheaded young woman dragging along a man much taller than her by his wrist like a small child.
Fear unlike what he'd felt in a long time surged throughout his body. He was paralyzed, utterly, as the pair approached him, still oblivious to his presence.
Time seemed to move in slow motion as he saw recognition change to horror in the young couple. The pair unconsciously recoiled against each other as an unbearable stillness hung in the air.
The calm didn't last. The girl's expression twisted into one of pure rage and a fist came flying towards his temple. He made no move to block it, his eyes never breaking with the patch covering one of his sons eyes.
It meant the boy had to not only carry the mental scars of the Angel wars and its consequences, but the physical ones as well. A gruesome fate, even more cruel than his own.
Despite that he had grown into a handsome man, one now standing taller than himself, if only slightly.
His posture had improved and despite his obvious maturity, the lack of lines and bags on his face almost made him look younger.
"Father."
"Shinji."
"I don't mean for this to sound rude, but I really thought you were dead."
"As did I, it would seem fate wasn't content in letting me off that easily."
"You should know, I tried, I really did, but I just couldn't-"
"I know."
As he cut off his son, he finally had a good look at the rest of the boy, no, the young man before him. What stood out to him the most were the scars. It was summer, and he was dressed accordingly. Exposing the blackened marks on his palms, with his ill-fitting shirt exposing the visible slash mark on his side when he moved.
They were about the same height. Even with his shrinking posture, they were still staring face to face, with him unable to pull his eyes above his chin.
Chastising his own cowardice, he forced himself to look his son in the eye. Despite his efforts, he couldn't bear to look into the working one. The black fabric covering part of his face drew all his attention.
"I'm sorry Shinji."
"That's all you have to say! After everything you've done! You should be in prison, or better yet, hell!"
"Asuka…"
"No, she's right. Know that I have suffered, perhaps not enough. Enough for me. I will never hurt another person, not again. I lack not only the capacity but the will. In my opinion, it would be best for all of us if we left the past as it was."
"He's right Asuka."
Both he and the girl stared in disbelief as the boy spoke. Sensing their surprise, he continued. Speaking with a careful and measured tone.
"If we hold on to our hatred, it'll only end up hurting us in the long run. He doesn't deserve forgiveness. Neither do we deserve to carry that burden our whole lives."
"How can you say that? He manipulated and lied to all of us! If you hadn't stopped him, he'd have destroyed everything."
With a heavy sigh, he was now face to face with the irritated redhead. He bore the brunt of her hateful glare. The two crystal blue eyes scouring his very being and pulling out all the guilt his body could hold.
"If this was on any other day I'd lay you flat, it's your lucky day. You can have this whole godforsaken island to yourself. We're leaving."
"Where will you go?"
"Germany, Asuka got a full ride scholarship. Her father owns a property nearby, so we're gonna stay there until we get our own place. Besides that, there's a publisher over there I've been talking with. They said the book I've been writing is practically guaranteed to be a bestseller. I don't know how true that is, but I want to try."
"I did not take you for a writer."
"Neither did I. It started off as a journal about all that had happened since I first came to Tokyo-3. No one else has written about the Angel war and the Impacts. There was nobody else besides us who knew enough to say what actually happened. Even if it's not popular, I still needed to make it. So nobody forgets the past."
"Lest we end up repeating it. You will be a scholar of humanity's most recent and horrific tragedy, a noble cause if one ever existed."
"I guess so. There's not much else I'm really that good at. If a single person reads it and thinks it's good, then I'll be happy. Asuka's doing the noble work. She's going to be a psychotherapist. That's helping people."
"A psychotherapist, truly? Correct me if I'm wrong, but I remember a certain doctor complaining about how one of the pilots had called her a quack due to possessing a degree in psychology."
"If you ever see her don't you dare tell her what I plan to do, just because I was wrong once, years ago. Doesn't mean I need to hear an I told you so. Especially from her of all people."
"I thought you already had a degree, why would you want to return, even on a scholarship?"
"Yeah, a useless one. Unless I want to join the military, and there's no way in hell that'll ever happen. Besides, somebody has to keep this idiot out of trouble and his German is still terrible."
The young couple locked eyes as she spoke. Their connection was tangible, even to someone like him. Their eyes carried a silent conversation. The slightly hurt expression the boy was wearing turned back into the grim face they both maintained.
"What will you do?"
"I do not know, most likely I will leave Japan. There's nothing here for me, not anymore."
"I think there's somewhere we should visit first. Asuka, could you give me your phone?"
"How do you still keep forgetting to charge it? I even bought you a power bank. Where is it?"
"Uhh, Next to the bed, charging, with my phone."
"You're hopeless. Ugh, fine, here."
Within moments, he was calling an unknown number. The voice on the other end sent another chill throughout him as he recognized it.
"He's back."
Gendo would give everything he had to be able to listen in on the conversation ongoing before him. The girl responded at length while his son grimaced at the air in front of him.
"I know. Let's meet at the graveyard. You can bring her with you if you want, and you already know the spot."
Gendo felt like the younger one, still being struck dumb by the confident and well-spoken man whose one eye seemed to look directly into his soul.
"We should hurry. Rei is driving."
"I see. I know a shortcut there, if you're willing to follow me."
"Awfully convenient, that."
Gendo grimaced at the accusation, forcing himself not to respond as he looked back at his son.
"I have done this walk more times than I can recall. I would be a fool if I didn't find the quickest route."
There was another conversation in front of him he wasn't privy to. One carried only by the two as they stared at each other, the slightest change communicating to the other their thoughts better than words ever could.
It was a sight that wounded him, brought his mind back to a vulnerable place. What felt like decades ago in this same city where he and a young girl had been equally obscene with their own displays of love.
A part of him began seeing what his punishment was. Dying would have been too easy a solution. He learned nothing while dead. That wasn't justice, it was vengeance. Something his son refused, despite his heritage. To think once he'd once thought himself stronger than the boy.
"Be careful Shinji."
After sharing forlorn looks, the girl left them as they steadily walked to their destination in silence. The tension between them was palpable as he tried to think of what to say next.
"I didn't think you'd ever come back."
"Would you prefer it if I didn't?"
It was an honest question, born out of the pervasive weakness that had stuck with him since he'd awoken. Leaving himself only more vulnerable.
Why would he think his son would want to see him after all this time? It had to have been years for him. He seemed to have finally healed from the wounds he inflicted until his sudden arrival brought them all back to the surface.
The unbearable silence continued to stretch itself out endlessly as they continued their walk.
"Rei! Watch out!"
Their car slammed to a screeching halt, as they barely stopped in time to avoid barreling into the intersection before them.
"Are you sure this is a good idea? Nobody's saying you need to see him."
"Aren't you even a little curious as to why he would return? Especially now, of all times?"
"I'm not saying that. I'm just worried about you, Blue. Think you'll be okay to see him after all this time?"
"I will be fine. I have had plenty of time to heal from the events of the Angel war. However, It would appear my sibling and I both made the same mistake. Assuming our father was never returning. I have already mourned Gendo Ikari and accepted the loss of him within myself. Seeing him after all this time will not be pleasant, but it will be necessary. For him as well as us."
"He killed you. Nobody could've expected what happened after. What will you say to him?"
"That I forgive him."
"Just like that?"
"Just like that."
"You have every right to hate him, you know. I don't even think you'd be morally wrong to shoot him if you felt like it. Legally would be another matter entirely."
"With that, I also have every right to forgive him, as long as he promises two things, to change and to always try to be better. That is enough for me. I must be true to myself. I don't have it in me to hate him."
"You're amazing blue."
"I don't know if that's true, but thank you regardless."
One of Mari's favorite things about the bluenette was her face. It began showing so much emotion since she'd first met the stoic girl whose existence was now only a memory. Now she could read the girl like a book, including the fact that her pale skin made it clear as day whenever she blushed.
"Do you think Asuka will be there? Could be your chance to talk to her."
"Shinji had said she wouldn't be coming along. You know as well as I do that she'll come along, regardless."
"Want me to come along then? At the very least, I can play referee and make sure no punches get thrown, even if he definitely deserves it."
"It would be best for us all if we all were there, together."
The building sense of anticipation and dread he felt grew unbearable as they pulled into the cemetery.
Re's prediction was on point. The pair of men stood rows down, each staring down at a weathered grave at their feet.
A few rows down, hidden behind one of the rare trees spattered across the barren graveyard. Every few moments, she saw a tuft of red hair pop up to spy on them before quickly disappearing.
As they approached, it was clear the two of them had been having an argument. Their voices were raised just below a yell.
"Well, are you ready to face your demons blue? Or demon singular in this case."
"As ready as I ever will be."
The conversation came to a halt as they approached.
Mari herself hadn't spent any of her time thinking about what she'd like to say to the commander. As much as he'd lied to them, she'd done just as much lying. Mari didn't really care about how he had hurt her. She knew that no matter what had happened to her; she got off easy.
He wasn't her father. For the first time in her life, she was thankful that she never knew her own father.
The closest analogue that had existed in her life was Kaji. She still thought of him, often. He didn't really raise her, but he gave her a place to stay and a purpose in life. She wouldn't be here if it weren't for him. None of them would be, actually. Another brilliant soul taken out of the world, all for the achievement of Gendo Ikari's ambition.
Before she could stop herself, she felt the anger bubble over as the man pitifully gazed at the floor. Did he expect mercy? Forgiveness? Pity? Whatever it was, he didn't deserve it. Her fist connected with his gut, hard, causing the man to stumble backwards, clutching his stomach.
"That one was for Kaji."
To her utter bewilderment, Shinji didn't scold her outburst. instead joining her, aiming this time for the man's side. It wasn't a powerful punch, but it didn't have to be.
"And that one was for Toji."
A third blow followed shortly after the second, finally forcing the man's knees to buckle into the dirt.
"That's for everything and everyone else, I take it Asuka got her chance as well?"
"I can speak from personal experience, she did. I feel I should ask, are the authorities looking for me? As just as that may be, I'd prefer if this meeting were not interrupted."
"Gendo Ikari perished during the fourth impact. Ritsuko and Fuyutsuki brokered a deal with the Japanese government and both already served a shortened prison sentence."
"How long has it been?"
"3 years, almost exactly since the end of the Angel War and the Impacts. Humanity has recovered, at least materially."
"How did those two get off so lightly?"
"We refused to testify, and the court placed the lion's share of blame on you. Nearly every country wants them to be extradited and put on trial. But as long as America backs Japan in the UN, they can do whatever they want. Don't talk about it in public but they're not even in Japan, either of them. Katsuragi and I both receive a postcard from the doctor almost yearly under a pseudonym."
"So you were listening when I explained everything to you, honestly it's hard to tell sometimes if you're paying attention sometimes."
"Asuka!? What are you doing here? I thought you went home to pack?"
"I've been packed for a week. You need to go home and pack. Plus, did you really think I'd miss this? We're gonna kick his ass, right? At least a little."
"No."
She was surprised at the sudden synchronized speech of the pilots. There was anger in all of them, justified hatred for Gendo Ikari, born from the knowledge of how he'd hurt each of them, individually and together.
Still, she didn't believe in killing, even for someone like him. Her fellow pilots were in silent agreement on that. Well, except for one, she still looked open to the idea of murder.
"Well, we're all here. What happens next?"
It was a rainy day in Berlin.
Asuka had elected to carry the umbrella for the two of them. Shinji had a bundle of flowers tucked underneath his arm as they made their way across the graveyard.
It was nothing compared to the one she'd visited with Shinji in Tokyo-3, about a quarter of the size, if that.
Even after all the time that had passed since her last visit, she still remembered the exact spot. The spot seemed well taken care of despite her absence. As they approached, the boy stepped out into the rain to gently lay a bouquet of flowers below the headstone.
She took a deep breath, reaching out and grasping her partner's hand and clutching it tightly.
"Hey Mom…sorry that it's been awhile, I've been really busy. But there's someone you need to meet."
The last words came out as a choked out sob. Asuka let the umbrella slip from her fingers as she felt hot tears streaming down her face.
With blurry vision, she watched the boy kneel in front of the grave. Carefully brushing off a stain of mud with his bare hand, uncaring of the rain currently drenching his clothes.
"Hi Mrs Soryu, My name is Shinji Ikari. You probably got to know a lot about me inside the Eva, or at least I hope you did. I wish I'd gotten a chance to meet you. I tried to bring everyone back, but my father was right. You can't save everyone. For whatever it's worth, I'm sorry things ended up this way."
In that moment, all Asuka wanted was for the earth to swallow her up and never let her think again. It felt like she had lost her mother all over again, this time for good.
"I wanted to thank you for keeping your daughter safe. I care about her a lot. More than a little fair to say neither of us would be here if it weren't for you, so sincerely, thank you, for everything."
All she could do was grab the boy, desperately clutching onto him like her life depended on it. For this moment, on this day. The Great Asuka Langely Soryu allowed herself to break apart.
She knew now, no matter how far she fell, someone would always be there to help put herself back together.
Even at the end of the world.
Truly, she did not deserve a gift like this. Still, she would treasure it all her life, and never let it go.
That was her new promise.
Misato stood before an empty grave, a lone headstone stood atop a hill overlooking a gorgeous valley. Sun streamed over a clear blue stream, carving its way through a picturesque field of grass.
If he was here, he'd probably say the sight was beautiful enough to give him a run for his run for his money. It surprised her how much he missed his crude and sarcastic humor. It was what she recalled the most whenever she thought about him.
It was something that she'd done less and less as time wore on. The pain of his loss had faded, mostly, leaving only the memories. Ones she'd be sure to cherish for as long as she was alive.
She heard footsteps behind her, not needing to turn around to know who was behind her.
"Thanks for coming with me. I know he'd appreciate that we came together."
"It's a nice spot."
"It is. I picked it out myself. It reminded me of the place we had our first date. It was a picnic, in a park just like this."
"That sounds like a wonderful memory. I wish he'd taken me out more before…"
"I know. There was so much I wanted to do with him, so many things I want to say that I'll never get the chance to."
"I thought we had more time."
"Me too, Asuka, me too."
They each stood in silent contemplation in front of the grave, both trapped in their own worlds and unwilling to spoil the rare pleasant moment between them. It wasn't a day for fighting or arguing.
Tears fell onto the still damp grass below them. It had been years since she'd lost Kaji and each time she came here; she told herself she was done crying. She wasn't, and probably never would be.
This was the one day, once a year, where she let herself be vulnerable. With the only person in her life who'd encouraged her to let loose, to not bottle up her negative emotions and let them control her, and instead live her life to spite them.
"Where's Shinji? Is he coming?"
"Parking the car, Mari and Rei were right behind us. They should show up soon."
The silence this time pressed on them. It hurt Misato to know that they were still this distant, after all. The young woman was one of the people she knew the longest.
She only had herself to blame. Mari had only forgiven her because of Rei and Shinji was Shinji. None of them had suffered as much because of her neglect. She knew better than anyone how her ineptitude, as both a leader and a mother, had affected her more than any other.
Foolishly, she'd thought that not calling herself one would somehow lift the responsibility off her. All that she was, was a caregiver, more in line with someone looking after pets than raising children. It disgusted her to admit it now, but it was true.
She only realized too late that the decision was not hers to make.
"I love you Asuka. I never said it before, but I do. You were like the daughter I could never have. I think that's why I was so afraid of letting you down."
"But you were so afraid you thought staying away was better than getting any closer and actually helping. Can't fail if you never tried in the first place."
"I'm sorry."
Misato knew what was coming, a barrage of furious insults lashing out at her with what hurt most, the truth.
Instead, the redhead who she was certain despised her with every fiber of being, broke into a fit of giggles at her pathetic apology.
Her reaction to this may have been a little over the top, which only made her laugh harder. Despite knowing it was at her expense, it was difficult to not join her. She'd forgotten how much she'd missed hearing that laugh. It brought back memories that were now steeped in nostalgia for her.
"You're just like him, you know. Now it makes so much sense why you were always so attached to him."
"Isn't this the part where you call me a drunk and a failure in multiple languages?"
"You've quit drinking though, haven't you? I may be a lot of things, but a liar definitely isn't one of them."
"Well, yes, but-"
"Misato, I don't hate you, not anymore."
"Why? What changed?"
"Me? I guess? Being angry is pretty tiring. I try to save it for when it counts. You tried your best, but you had your own demons. There was a lot both of us could've done differently. Hating you when you've been nothing but apologetic since then feels dumb. When I thought about coming back to Japan and seeing you, I was excited. I've missed you Misato."
"Really?"
"Really."
Misato felt tears forming in her eyes again, not tears of sadness, not this time.
"It was good to see you too, beyond good actually. Do you think you'll ever come back to Japan?"
"Permanently? I don't think so. I do think we'll make these visits much more frequent, mostly so I don't have to be constantly bombarded by pictures of Rei's new pets. Honestly, I don't know how Mari puts up with their place slowly turning into one big terrarium."
"I've missed you too Asuka, also if you don't wanna sleep with Rei at the reptile house, I've got an open guest bedroom. You and Shinji can stay with me if you want, for old time's sake."
"Thanks, but no thanks. I know from personal experience how thin Japanese walls are. We're getting a hotel."
"Oh my Asuka, planning something naughty, are we?"
"Maybe I am, Maybe I'm not, that's exactly why we're getting our own room. You'll never know."
"You act like that doesn't make it totally obvious what exactly you're gonna do when you're alone, Princess. I should also the mention high humidity has been great for my skin."
"It is good to see you two getting along, even if it's bonding over your mutual illogical dislike of reptiles."
"There's nothing illogical about it. They're creepy!"
"That is your opinion, and wrong. Look at this picture and repeat your earlier statement."
Misato had to admit that the picture of a python with bunny ears on its head made for a compelling argument.
Once Shinji finally arrived, the playful banter between them halted as they each remembered why they were here. As was tradition, whenever they visited a grave like this together, they shared their best memories of the person.
Misato wasn't sure which of them had started the tradition, but she was glad they did it. Perhaps it was inevitable when you spent as much time in graveyards as they did. It felt much better doing this than going by herself.
Shinji and Asuka started things off together, each talking about an afternoon spent shopping and walking with Kaji. Of course, he'd taken them out without asking her for permission or even to let her know they'd be gone. She remembered the day. She'd almost called Section-2 when the kids didn't show up after school ended.
Mari was next. She spoke of her childhood in Germany, of the rare days he was home and willing and able to spend time with her. It didn't go unnoticed how obviously enraptured by the story Asuka was.
She hoped they had similar memories of her. There was still plenty of time left for her on earth, but moments like these made her constantly aware of how fleeting it was.
Maybe that would be his last gift, providing a reason for Asuka and Mari to finally grow closer after all this time.
They were all her family, and she'd do anything for them and knowing that they cared just as much for each other gave her hope. Hope that after all they've suffered that happiness isn't only possible.
It's inevitable.
Misato realized it was her turn, and she'd been lost in her revelry. She'd not planned what to say beforehand, but the words came easily.
"I'll tell you the story of how we met, and maybe cut out some of the more explicit parts."
The first thing Asuka noticed upon returning home was the smell of food cooking in the kitchen. Whatever it was, it smelled delicious.
After a long day spent cramming for her final exam, it was exactly what she needed. Well, one of three things. The sound of running water in the other room confirmed for her that the second was already underway. Now only one thing remained to complete her ritual.
He was still busy working in the kitchen, carefully stirring a pot of something and adding seasoning as he tested the flavor.
Whenever he was intently doing something like this, the rest of the world might as well not exist. She didn't even have to try when sneaking up on him.
Internally, she debated whether to surprise him with a hug or scare him. She wanted a hug, so she chose the former.
Once her arms were wrapped around his, she giggled like a schoolgirl and jumped so far he looked like he might make it onto the counter.
"Oh, it's you, welcome home Asuka."
"I thought we were ordering out. Today's the big day, isn't it?"
"It's really not that big of a deal, and cooking helps with my nerves, makes the waiting a little less unbearable."
"Well, since you're busy cooking, I'll just open this letter myself. It's not a big deal, so it doesn't matter to you, right?"
"What!? No, give it here."
He snapped up the envelope out of her fingers, giving her a look of disapproval when he saw it was already open.
"Okay, I got a little impatient. I won't spoil anything, so shut up and open it."
She had to suppress her reaction while his eyes scanned the letter. Once he began smiling, she almost tackled him with another hug.
"You did it Shinji! I'm so proud of you!"
"I really did, didn't I? I can't believe it."
"You better start believing it. How close are you to being done? When can I read it?"
"You can read it now if you want, but I don't recommend it. I think I need an editor or something to help out with grammar and stuff."
"Editors suck, you don't need them. I'll look through it. Have you come up with a title yet?"
"Well, it's supposed to be an autobiography, so I was thinking of just making it my name."
"I don't want you to take offense when I say this, but that's terrible. It's not just about you, though, is it?"
"No, you're right. I honestly didn't expect him to let me include him, but he actually seemed enthusiastic about the idea. It's more about our whole messed up family."
"Now I've really got to read it. He really let you include his past? Even the Yakuza stuff? I thought the Japanese were ashamed of their organized criminals."
"They are, but that doesn't mean they aren't still popular, you saw the letter. I'd never get published if it was just about me. Nobody cares about that."
"Did you forget this is your second book? And that your first one was a literal bestseller. You know I read it and most of it's about you."
"It's supposed to be about the Angel war, but you're right, I had to write what I knew. I got tons of help from everyone else I could. Rei had some really helpful tips for writing the parts about her."
"But this one's just about you, so of course you think it's boring. For Gott's sake, here's what I know is in it, just based on what've you told me. The first half is literally a crime thriller and the other half builds up to you fighting in a giant robot. Tell me, where's the boring part?"
"All the boring but still important crap that happened in between, it's not just about being entertaining, I want all my books to be actual records of what happened."
"Not as boring as you think, but I know what you mean. Humanity isn't ever going to forget the Impacts, and neither will we. Honestly, I wish I'd come up with the book idea first because it's such a good one. If we're gonna be stuck with these crappy memories might as well make an interesting book out of it."
"I'm still shocked it went as well as it did. I didn't think I was good enough to be a writer."
"I know you are and I'm going to say the same thing I did back then. For one, the bar to be a 'writer' is so low it doesn't matter. Everyone's a writer and nobody is. Second, your writing is good, you need to quit being your biggest nay-sayer. If you weren't always putting yourself down, you wouldn't have to rely so much on your gorgeous girlfriend for support."
"And lose out on the hugs?"
She responded by curling herself around him further, pressing him against the counter and making escape impossible as she rested her head on his shoulder.
"Don't say I never tried to get your head on straight, stubborn boy. Looks like you're hopeless without me. Guess that means I'll have to keep sticking around."
"Well, when you say it like that, I guess you're right."
"Of course I am, idiot."
Gendo Ikari stood inside an elevator, nervously adjusting his tie as he slowly ascended.
He'd received the invitation approximately two weeks ago. He'd been dreading the day ever since.
It would be the first time seeing his son in almost two years, their normal ritual of meeting having been interrupted by one of them becoming an adult and being increasingly busy and unable to drop things to fly to Japan.
He did not begrudge his son for this. It was understandable behavior.
To him, all that he represented was the past. Of traumas he spent every day since then working to overcome. If anything, it made him more proud than ever to see the man finally learning to put himself first. To do what he never could.
Move on.
That was something he would always struggle with. He was simply too old to uproot a way of thinking so ingrained into his very self. It would take a lot more than empty gestures and heartfelt apologies to undo a lifetime of bad habits.
What made him so nervous coming here was knowing who was also there. It had come as quite a surprise to him that both the Professor and Doctor Akagi would be in attendance.
He was pretty sure the couple had both despised them almost as much as him. He had no clue what they would say to him, what he would say to them. So much time had passed since he'd honestly gotten away with thinking that he'd never see either of them again.
A foolish assumption in hindsight, assuming he truly meant to make an attempt at carving a place for himself in his son's life. So that no matter how faded their bond may be, it would remain still.
As time had passed, he understood what his true punishment was. It didn't just end with having to wallow in the loss that had brought him to ruin.
It was his father's greatest nightmare, his life, would be one of slowly fading into the background before bowing out entirely. A slow and merciful death that was as painful as he let it be. It was his own guilt that tormented, he was both the prisoner and his own jailer.
Gendo thought about how he'd first arrived into the new world formed from the Impacts, of his otherworldly counterpart and the words of wisdom given to him which he initially refused.
It was difficult to look at your own failings, and inequities reflected right before your very eyes. Another thing entirely to have them explained to you in detail, by yourself. Spoken like he was giving a lecture to a particularly poor student.
It had all been deserved, but part of him felt it was useless. It had not taken him long to understand his punishment, but it took him far longer to accept it. To accept how long it would be.
He was cursed to forever now be a spectator, to watch the life that could have once been his from afar. Not able to get close enough to his son to truly become part of his life. Only because of his actions, and the scars that remain.
It was something he'd endure without complaint, not that anyone would care if he did. What he was able to spectate was beautiful, and he wouldn't miss it for anything.
Rei was dancing without a care in the world with the Makinami pilot. Beside them, dancing just as youthfully with long outdated moves of their own, were Commander Katsuragi and the doctor.
It was good to know their relationship had repaired from the damage he inflicted. He knew how important Misato was to the blonde, even if she'd never admit it herself.
The prospective couple must've been still getting ready. He scanned the large room for a dark corner appropriate for him to cower in from the other guests.
"So they weren't kidding. You really did show up."
It was the professor. The time since they'd parted seemed to have had the reverse effect he expected. Now that the older man's face was no longer creased with a look of concern and a matching frown, he looked younger than when he'd last seen him.
"So they were not. It would appear you have taken to retirement quite well."
"I'm still teaching, so I wouldn't exactly call it retirement, but you're right, life has been good, I must admit. I wish I could say the same about you, Ikari. Don't get me wrong, your suit is nice, but you look like something just chewed you up and spit you out."
"Such is life. I was simply glad to have received an invitation. I was worried they'd not invite me so as to avoid any risk of conflict."
"Please, you know Asuka would kill anyone before she lets them make a scene at her wedding."
The two friends shared a laugh for the first time in what felt like ages.
"You are certainly correct. My son certainly knows how to pick them, doesn't he?"
"Well, he's his father's son. I wouldn't expect any less. Of course, he fell for the first girl he thought could kick his butt."
"Perhaps you're right…"
Gendo's eyes inevitably returned to the doctor, still happily dancing across the hall from him. It was quite a small ceremony, so the large space did him little favors for concealment.
It had to be chance, or perhaps fate, that their eyes would inevitably lock. Without saying a word, the woman left the group and began charging over towards him.
"Ah, it would seem you haven't greeted the other guests. Well, I'll leave you to it. Hopefully, we can chat a little more before the ceremony starts. Assuming you survive of course."
If that was intended as a joke he did not find the humor.
The next few moments seemed to drag out for an eternity. The woman approached and delivered a swift and powerful slap that surely had left a mark.
"You deserve a hell of a lot more than a slap, but I told Asuka I'd be mostly civil. If you want things to stay that way, I suggest you keep up that self imposed exile, at least from me."
"Of course, I also wish for no trouble. Today is not about us. For what it's worth-"
"It's not worth a damn, save your breath."
She spoke no further to him, instead heading for the exit. He knew the woman too well to think she was leaving. His presence was an obvious stressor, so it wasn't hard to guess what she was doing outside.
When he looked back over at the group of dancing girls from before, he saw that he had an audience. With Katsuragi being the only one to stop her laughter upon seeing they too, were being watched.
Suddenly feeling self conscious, he escorted himself over to the refreshments, thanking the universe for the full bar that seemed to be beckoning him.
A familiar face sat at the bar alone, one he'd have to rely on if he wanted any hope of surviving the night. He was surprised to see him nursing a drink. The last time he'd seen the man drink was what felt like ancient times.
Alcohol was never his vice of choice, but today he allowed himself to indulge, needing some form of social lubricant to avoid making a further fool of himself.
"So you survived. Good job."
"It would seem I have. I'm glad, it's their night. I couldn't forgive myself for ruining it."
"And what a good night it is. I'm glad too, that something this beautiful could come from all that they'd endured. Despite our best efforts."
"True, very true. Looking at all this, it's hard to say we failed. Maybe this was always how things were supposed to happen."
"Supposed to or not, it is what happened. That's what matters. Now I think we've both spent enough time moping for a lifetime. I think it's about time to show these young upstarts that just because you're old doesn't mean you've forgotten how to dance."
"Well, if you insist, I might be even worse off than yourself when it comes to this. I'm sure it'll provide some entertainment to the others, if nothing else."
It was supposed to be the happiest day of Shinji's life, and he was terrified. What's worse is that he wasn't even sure why.
He had his vows prepared for months. That wasn't why. Kensuke had made a surprisingly good best man, helping him to organize the whole affair. Asuka still did most of it, but he tried to help wherever he could, despite his inherent ineptitude.
The chance to marry Asuka sounded awesome. She was everything to him. He'd be dead a thousand times over without her. That wasn't why.
He knew she felt the same. Asuka was plenty of things, but an idiot wasn't one of them. If she wasn't interested in him, she wouldn't still be here. She would never have told him yes in the first place.
So why was he so nervous?
It was because he wanted today to be perfect for Asuka too, that meant just like everyone else, he had to make sure he did his part. All the stressful preparations had led them to this moment.
He knew what she'd say to him if she were here, that today's about him too and as long as they're both happy at the end, nothing else matters.
That would be exactly how he'd screw things up, getting too far inside his own head and becoming a mopey drag at what should be a fun celebration.
Sitting here stewing by himself would only sour his mood further. He had to go out and mingle. All he'd have to make sure was that he was back here when it was time.
Everyone was here. The place they rented was comically oversized for the amount of people invited. Faces old and new milled about the poorly lit building, creating a comforting atmosphere that seemed to blanket everything.
With their savings, they could've easily gone to a number of destination places for their wedding. Neither of them saw the point. They did however, want to do it in Japan, for sentimental reasons, of course.
This had limited the amount of their German friends that could make it, but it was something important to them. All the people he really wished to see had made it.
Speaking of which, while his eyes scanned the dance floor, he found someone who appeared to be doing their best impression of a wall.
The man in question was so focused on observing the others that he failed to notice him approaching. He leaned up against the wall beside him.
"I wasn't sure you'd show up."
"And I wasn't sure you'd invite me."
"Why wouldn't I?"
"Today is a day of happiness. Only possible because of your actions to stop me from carrying out my plan. It doesn't seem appropriate for me to be enjoying myself in such a way."
"Well, at least now I know you are enjoying yourself. Do the others know you're here?"
"They do. It was good to see the professor after all this time. Ritsuko, however, was much less pleased at my arrival."
"Oh, yeah, I can imagine. Anyway, can I ask you something?"
"You may."
"What was it like? When you and mom got married? Were you afraid at all?"
"The truth? I was terrified. Not of there being some sort of reprisal from my old associates, although that was a risk. What scared me the most was the idea that somehow she'd change her mind and leave me at the altar, a foolish thought but a pervasive one at the time."
"Really? Why did you think that?"
"Because I was an idiot, and if you think the same, then so are you. You've both made it so far together. Do you honestly believe she'd leave you now? You trust her, don't you?"
"I do, with my life. I guess I just needed to hear it said out-loud to realize how absurd it was. Thank you, Father."
"Happy to be of service, now I suggest you return to the ceremony. I can't imagine Asuka will be overjoyed if you somehow ended up late to your own wedding."
"Oh, right, good idea. We'll catch up later, uhh, wish me luck!"
Shinji made it back just in time. He made eye contact with Rei as he walked back. If she was being sent to get him, that meant Asuka was ready.
His short talk with his father had done wonders for his nerves. Now that the fear was gone, all he had left was excitement for what came next.
It was time for him to get married.
Today had become another important day for Asuka. It hadn't always been this way. At first she only came along as a service to her friend and Shinji.
As time wore on, however, she too found herself looking back fondly on her juvenile squabbling partner. They hated each other, sure, but if they realized it or not, they were rivals. Which demanded an unspoken respect, one that had only strengthened with his passing.
He died well, doing the best he could to protect the ones he cared about. It was why they still gathered here on what should be his birthday.
As was now common, whenever she was upset or nervous, her fingers unconsciously went to the ring on her right hand. It grounded her, touching the cool metal calmed her, and reminded her of all that she had now.
Sensing her mood, her hand soon found its way into the tight grasp of her husband.
It still sounded weird to call him that, but it was true now. She'd still rather shave her head than start calling him 'hubby' or some other gross sounding nickname. Idiot had worked fine for them so far. No point in messing up a good thing. Being married didn't mean you had to be obnoxious about it.
Still, besides that, it was special. He wasn't just an idiot; he was her idiot.
Now he always would be, assuming neither of them died tragically. It wasn't something she expected. If anything, the universe still owed them some more good karma.
They'd both had enough tragedy, enough to last them a lifetime.
"Thanks for coming, everyone. I know it isn't easy to gather together like this, but I still appreciate it."
Hikari stood next to the younger Suzuhara girl. The little girl they'd once known was gone. Now a gorgeous and athletic young woman whose red puffy eyes still held the same sadness she remembered from back then. Hikari wasn't looking bad herself, despite that she'd obviously been crying for some time. Asuka made a mental note to compliment the girl the next chance she got.
"I didn't know Toji for long, despite that I will never forget him. I want to thank you, Toji, for teaching me how to love and how to hurt. For showing me that the most beautiful memories are often the shortest. I hope by giving him your name, my son will have a fraction of your kindness, of your strength, of the heart that held mine captive for so long."
Asuka moved to comfort her friend, rubbing slow circles around the girl's back as she watched her force down tears to continue.
"I know everyone else feels the same, otherwise we wouldn't have come out all this way. This shouldn't be a sad occasion. If he were here, he'd be thrilled to know that he was still keeping us together after all this time."
An idea came to her so forcefully she felt as if a lightbulb should pop up over her head. Hikari was right, their tradition had a fatal flaw. Of course, it was going to be depressing if they spent the whole time awkwardly chatting around a grave. It was morbid, and overall weird.
They were all adults. There was an easy solution to find a cheery but still relatively isolated spot. The plan came together instantly. Misato would ensure everybody was safe as she'd given up the drink. That didn't mean they couldn't enjoy themselves.
"I don't know about you guys, but I need a drink. Why don't we carry this off to somewhere a little less desolate?"
"Great idea Asuka, I know just the place. They even sell these awesome smoothies if you don't drink alcohol. My car's big enough for everyone, so don't worry about driving."
They looked to Hikari, the unofficial leader of their group today. She seemed to like the idea as well. It was good to see the girl smiling; it made her even prettier.
"The sitter is supposed to work all day, so I guess that leaves me with some extra free time. I suppose I could have a drink or two. As long as we're responsible about it."
"Are you kidding? Responsible is practically my middle name. Now let's go, we're burning daylight."
Shinji watched in silent fascination as the two girls ritualistically took turns grabbing the others' hair as they stuck their heads into the toilet. The constant sound of retching upset his own stomach. He needed to go out and get some fresh air.
"I'm gonna go for a walk. I'll be back. Do you guys need anything while I'm out?"
"A time machine, so I can slap those stupid drinks out of my stupider hands."
Hikari, as it turns out, wasn't the best at holding her alcohol. Shinji hadn't realized how much his time in Germany had improved his own tolerance. Over there, drinking beer was more common than soda.
"We'll be fine Shinji, just don't be gone long."
He was still drunk, that much was obvious. His normal level of clumsiness had increased exponentially. It was a miracle his bumbling in the hotel's halls didn't do too much damage as he made his way outside.
The cool night air felt wonderful. Shinji felt he should make sure everyone else had made it home safe. Even if the two girls with them had drank far less than they did and had Misato with them. He still worried. It was just who he was.
Texting was a task beyond his current skill set, so he elected to call his sister instead.
The girl's ability to answer the phone near instantaneously still impressed him. He'd never once heard more than a single ring before she picked up.
"Hello Shinji, is everything alright?"
"It is. I just wanted… to make sure."
"Of what?"
"That you're like, you know… alive and stuff."
Shinji was confused why he heard laughter on the other end of the line but chalked it up to Mari doing something. He was holding this conversation pretty well despite being still a little drunk.
"I am. How are the other two doing?"
"Not great. Asuka's been keeping an eye on her, though. She's gonna have a hell of a morning, but she'll be alright, she's a tough girl."
It was tough to make out words, but Shinji swore he could hear the two girls having a conversation beside the phone. He knew they weren't talking about an actual puppy, or maybe they'd gotten a dog.
Dogs are cool. He was still trying to convince Asuka that they should get one. It would be easier if he had someone with a dog who could show her how awesome they are.
"Did you guys get a puppy? Is that what you're talking about?"
"No puppy. I was talking about you, and how cute it is to listen to you when you're drunk."
"I'm not cute! I'm… not."
Hiccups overwhelmed him when he tried to raise his voice, making his protest seem even less sincere.
Shinji had forgotten why he needed to call Rei, but it certainly wasn't so he could be made fun of.
"I love you Rei, Goodnight and Goodbye."
All this walking had worn him out. He didn't want Asuka to worry about him, so he started the perilous walk back to their hotel room.
Rei couldn't help but chuckle at her brother's parting words. He'd only said I love you to her once sober, years ago now. It wasn't strictly necessary. Actions spoke far louder than words and Rei knew his feelings as they mirrored her own.
Mari seemed much more entertained than her. Practically howling with laughter at the boy's awkwardness.
He was a pretty funny drunk. The long pauses in the middle of his sentences, paired with his over affectionate attitude, had made their night out one to remember. She had to give credit to Asuka for the idea, as it perfectly fixed their tradition.
It was one thing to say you wanted a day to be fun when everyone knew it was sad. Based on her limited knowledge of the Suzuhara boy, she'd have to say that was a perfect way to celebrate his life and sacrifice. Enjoying the life that his sacrifice had given them.
"Well, I think now he's gotten everyone. I really thought he'd be a mopey drunk, but him telling everyone on the car ride back how much he loves everyone was much more entertaining. Did you see Asuka's face until he got to her? Priceless."
"I remember you said a similar thing about myself if I'm not mistaken."
"Ouch, you're right, I'm 0/2. Still, think we'll do something like this again?"
"Of that, I have no doubt. Despite the problems that arose, I believe everyone will agree that it was much more fun than anything they could've done in a graveyard."
"I don't know Blue. I got some ideas about what we could do in a graveyard that might be a little more fun."
There had once been a time when Rei was too oblivious of the world to pick up on her partner's innuendos. Now that she had some lived experience of her own, she had become somewhat of an expert at detecting them.
"What would be the purpose of doing that in a graveyard? It sounds unsanitary."
"And hot, but I was just kidding, mostly. I see what you're saying, though. It sucked that every time Shinji and Asuka would visit, we'd spend most of the time moping."
"Exactly, being able to enjoy life in spite of the pain in our hearts is a sign of healing. There'll be many more nights like this. I can feel it."
Gendo Ikari walked over to stand beside an empty grave. Kneeling down to brush away the dirt on the gravestone as he gently lay a bouquet of flowers atop it.
"If somehow, someway, you're out there, listening. I'm sorry Yui, for everything. That's all I can say at this point."
"I'm sorry too mom, I thought I could bring back everyone, and I was wrong."
"I didn't think you'd come."
"Why wouldn't I?"
"You're a man now Shinji, you have a wife and became an internationally acclaimed writer. This is all the past, the trials and tribulations that built you into you. Perhaps it would be better for you if you cut it out entirely. To finally move on, something I could never do myself."
"But you're not talking about mom, are you?"
Gendo did not answer this question. He hadn't expected to be seen through immediately. His son was much smarter than he gave him credit for.
"You're right. You are my past. The reason I still have vivid nightmares almost every night and will look through a single eye for the rest of my days. The reason I'm still afraid to be a father, even after all this time."
It was finally happening. Good for Shinji, he was standing up for himself. Now it was time for him to have his greatest sins thrown back at him, and rightfully so.
"But you're also the reason I met Asuka, the most wonderful woman in the whole entire world. The reason I'm able to make it as a writer full time, a dream I didn't know I had until it came true. If you hadn't done what you did, who knows where we'd all be, not together, that I'm sure of. I'm happy with how things turned out. It could always be much worse. I've found happiness, and I'm never going to let go of it."
Gendo wasn't sure when he'd begun crying. It wasn't like him to lose control of his emotions, but alas. Tears fell onto the dry earth despite him trying with superhuman effort to force them back down.
It wasn't right for him to feel this way. He deserved no one's pity, not after all he's done.
He felt arms wrap around him in an embrace from which he weakly tried to pull away. Once it was clear the boy wasn't letting go, the floodgates broke. The years of tears he'd kept hidden out of fear all came back at once.
So his son held him while he wept. He lost track of time as it felt like all the water in his body poured out his eyes onto the now damp earth below him.
"I just, I just miss her, so much."
"I know, I do too."
He felt ashamed that such words would ever come out of his mouth. His son showed no disgust at his weakness. Of course he didn't. He was better than that. He knew that better than anyone.
After what felt like an eternity, his composure finally returned. Now free from his son's embrace, he stood himself back up and brushed the dirt that had built up on his clothes.
"Thank you Shinji, for being better. You are far stronger than you think, far stronger than me. Don't let anyone else convince you otherwise."
"Uh, you're welcome I guess. I know Asuka won't be too thrilled by the prospect, but I promise to visit you whenever we're in Japan."
"There's no obligation for you to do so. Spend your time away from home as you wish. If you do find time, however, I will be appreciative."
"You can count on it."
They would never be a regular father and son. It was long past that now. The damage had already been done.
However, if they were careful and nurtured it.
They could rebuild it into something beautiful.
A motorcycle tore down a barren desert road. The pavement had sunk so far into the surrounding landscape that massive clouds of sand flew out from beneath its tires as it raced along.
As the bike finally reached its destination, it entered a hard drift, leaving deep gashes in the earth as it came roughly to a halt.
The rider hopped off, heading towards the edge of the cliff.
Ritsuko Akagi took off the stiflingly hot helmet and took a deep gasp of air. Finally getting a good look at what was supposed to be the grand canyon. She checked her GPS to ensure she was in the right place.
"This is it? The grand canyon? This is stupid. Vegas was much better."
She took a picture more out of obligation than any desire to remember this place. She'd heard the American southwest was beautiful. It was, but what they failed to mention was how repetitive it was as well. After enough sand filled wedgies, anyone would start hating the desert.
It didn't matter, she'd go somewhere better, wherever she felt like going, in fact. America had gotten stale for her rather quickly, maybe it was time to head east. She'd read that Mongolia had some of the best places for off roading in the world.
This was true freedom. Out in the open air, only limited by the fuel tank of her motorcycle. No data reports to analyze or Eva tissue to synthesize. Only herself and the open road, meeting new people almost every day in a different place each time.
She wouldn't trade it for anything. Maybe it was selfish, for someone as brilliant as her to shun work entirely, but she'd had enough, and that was that.
Whenever she did go down that train of thought, the words of an old and dearly departed friend came to mind.
'Life is for living, not for working, my dear beautiful doctor.'
It wasn't something she thought about often. She only wished she'd listened back when he'd first said it, then maybe what came next could've been better. It could, that didn't mean it would.
Even then, all things considered, it could've been much worse. She was still alive, after all. Not everyone had gotten that luxury.
This was her life, and she was done living it according to someone else's whims.
It was time for her to finally enjoy it.
END