Chapter Text
Dear journal,
This is ridiculous. I can’t fucking stand him. Talk about rivals, we’ve practically become enemies. Like what the hell!! Keith and I had a fight today. He keeps fucking avoiding me and I’m not having it. We had that whole bonding experience a few days ago and now he can’t look me in the eye! It’s absolutely ridiculous. So, I found him today with the help of poor directions from Pidge. I was already frustrated because I couldn’t find him in the first place. Then, when I found him I’m pretty sure I was sweating balls. I didn’t want to mess up everything again. But at this point I’m too angry to be sad. I asked if I could talk to him, of course he said yes. When I was there I didn’t know how to pop the actual question so I decided to rip the bandaid off. I straight up asked him why he was avoiding me. And this motherfucker denied it. This made me so angry. And being angry I didn’t have too good of a filter. I listed every occurrence in the past three days that he’s avoided eye contact, distanced himself, and ignored me. He got mad at that, said that I shouldn’t worry about it. I called bullshit. He tried to change the subject but I held fast. My mama raised me stubborn. And I’m not denying myself the communication that needs to happen. THAT HE ENCOURAGED!! Anyway, voices were raised. He said, and I quote, “I can’t bear to be around you when I love you so much!” I mean, is he serious? His entire rationale is that separating himself will make it easier to let me go. Which, I guess makes sense, if it wasn’t me. I feel guilty that he feels like that’s what he has to do. Like he thinks he can’t talk to me about things. He’s convinced himself that I think he’s weird for liking me. But, he’s never even asked me out or anything. Who says I don’t like him back. I mean, he’s pretty with his soft, long hair and purple eyes. Cute with his laugh and little sarcastic retorts. Not to mention he’s genuinely hot as fuck. But isn’t that something you feel for your friends? I don’t know. I can recognize his beauty. But also, his personality can be a bit iffy. I don’t think I like him romantically. Yeah, no, not romantically. I just want to be really good friends. Oh, also, I forgot to mention, Hunk left today. There’s a planetary diplomatic convention that’s being catered by his services. He’d already extended his stay and he said he couldn’t stay any longer. Anyway, I think I’m done for today. I’m surprised I haven’t had many nightmares in a few days. Still having trouble sleeping though. Ok, that’s it.
-Lance