Chapter Text
1:22 PM - Saturday
Humus
Chuuya: Kid I love you
Kenji: I love you too Mr. Fancy Hat!
Dazai: CHEWYA
Chuuya: NO.
Yosano: Oh good lord not another crisis.
Gin: Another? Raises eyebrows suspiciously
Tachihara: What about emoji's?
Gin: What about em?
Ranpo: FUCKING FUCKING FUCK THE EMOJI'S
Atsushi: Omg I forgot you lost wordle to Emoji!
Ranpo: ...
Ranpo: Today's wordle answer is paper get fucked noobs
Dazai: KILLLLL YOUURRRR SEEEEELF
Ranpo: I would say kill urself, but I know your perverted ass will say thank you, so no.
Dazai: GASP
Dazai: PERVERTED?!?!!
Chuuya: Shall I say the story?
Dazai: no.
Kyouka: Damnsdqqoportbck
Tanizaki: And she's back to being illegisable
Tanizaki: Illsegibe?
Tanizaki: ILLEGIBLE
Tachihara: Good job darling
Tanizaki: :D
Atsushi: I have so many questions.
Akutagawa: And so little answers
Gin: Sighs.
Yosano: I feel ur pain gorl
Gin: Those screenshots looked awful
Ranpo: I RESENT THAT
Yosano: SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU DUMB FUCKING GAY
Atsushi: ...
Atsushi: Did I miss something?
Ranpo: No.
Yosano: No.
Gin: No.
Atsushi: ...
Kunikida: Children.
Kunikida: You're slacking off from work.
Ranpo: Well so r u!
Dazai: Did he just-
Atsushi: Talk back-
Tanizaki: To kunikida?
Dazai: Bro's fucked
Yosano: Can't help you dumbass
Ranpo: Don't worry I got Mr. President on my side.
Kunikida: Excuse you? I happen to be doing the most amount of work out of anyone on the entire infernal chat-
Chuuya: .
Kunikida: I happen to be one of the people doing the most work on this chat, and you people need to do your jobs or I will write up a report!
Atsushi: ...Ermm
Atsushi: Y-you c-can't d-do t-that
Kunikida: Why not.
Yosano: Shits bout to go down
Gin: Popcorn? Anyone?
Tachihara: I'll take that
Higuchi: This feels a bit wrong...
Akutagawa: We are a part of the mafia
Higuchi: Oh yeah!
Atsushi: I-Ill tell t-the s-secret!
Dazai: Is he reffering to the-
Yosano: I think he is
Ranpo: Referring and he definitely is
Dazai: Suck a dick
Ranpo: Just did ;D
Dazai: ...
Kunikida: What secret Nakajima?
Gin: OoOoOoOoOoOo
Higuchi: Hey guys... no need to fight-
Atsushi: AGHHH I'M SORRY I REPENT FOR MY SINS DON'T EAT ME
Akutagawa: Pussy
Gin: BROTHER?!?!!?!
Akutagawa: My bad.
Dazai: ATSUSHI GROW SUM FUCKING WEREBALLS
Dazai: DO NOT STAND FOR THIS TYRANNY
Dazai: RISE UP
Tachihara: Was that a Hamilton refrence-
Tanizaki: love shut the fuck up
Atsushi: WILL U HELP ME DAZAI?
Dazai: FUCK NO
Dazai: Wait.
Dazai: THIS JOURNEY IS ONE YOU MUST TAKE ON YOUR OWN YOUNG PADAWAN
Yosano: You are so full of shit
Ranpo: Atsushi I stg
Atsushi: ...
Atsushi: MR. KUNIKIDA SIR I DO HALF OF DAZAI'S PAPERWORK FOR HIM
Dazai: NO MAN WTF
Chuuya: yes. I am here for this Dazai slander. Go weretiger
Gin: here here
Kunikida: DAZAI.
Dazai: SHIT
Dazai: GODDAMNIT
Dazai: ATSUSHI GO DIE IN A FIRE
ATSUSHI: RETRIBUTION MOTHERFUCKER
Yosano: Holy shit bro rly did grow sum fuckin wereballs
Akutagawa: ...
Gin: Bitch be for real
Akutagawa: Shut up
Gin: So cruel... to your own sister?
Akutagawa: :|
Higuchi: Wow okay urm this has escalated
Tanizaki: No fucking shit God damn
Kunikida: Osamu. Office. Now.
Dazai: Don't hurt me pleeeeeease Mr. Kunikida siiiiiiiiiiiiiir
Tachihara: This sounds like the start to a bad porno.
Tanizaki: BITCH WTF
Gin: I did not need that mental image
Akutagawa: #retching
Gin: #puking
Atsushi: #kys
Gin: #stfu
Akutagawa: #smh
Kunikida: Dazai if you don't come here this very instant I will leak your number to Mori and leave you to the fucking wolves.
Higuchi: ...
Yosano: HOLY SHIT BRO IS RLLY MAD
Ranpo: URMMMMMMMMM
Dazai: YOU WOULDN'T
Dazai: NOT AFTER WHAT HE DID TO ME
Kunikida: It doesn't have to be like this.
Tanizaki: Omg r we in a Marvel movie
Gin: We r coming back to that because I need a good hot man lesbian rant
Higuchi: I freaking love Marvel
Atsushi: Wait... you find men attractive?
Gin: Bitch look me dead in the eyes and say you don't fuck with Loki goddamn Laufeyson. Do it.
Atsushi: ...
Gin: He's just ur type too! Emo, reformed(ish) villain, black hair-
Atsushi: SHUT UP
Akutagawa: Gin.
Gin: Okay fine wutever.
Yosano: Slay lesbean.
Gin: I hate gay people
Ranpo: UR SO MEAN TO ME GIN
Gin: Minus ma boss ofc
Dazai: PLS KUNIKIDA DON'T DO THIS
Kunikida: YOU LEAVE ME NO CHOICE
Chuuya: Thanks Gin. And u right. They all be hot in marvel
Gin: See you get it
Chuuya: ofc I do.
Tanizaki: I love how thers two different convo's rn
Tachihara: There's
Tanizaki: Were breaking up
Tachihara: NO BABE!
Tachihara: ...
Tachihara: ...
Tachihara: *we're
Tanizaki: I SWEAR ON EVERYTHING THAT IS HOLY U DELUSIONAL CUNTWAD
Yosano: Le GASP.
Ranpo: The drama is real?
Yosano: Pls u don't understand I'd do anything for Bucky Barnes and Tony motherfucking Stark.
Yosano: It's actually concerning
Atsushi: Really? Aren't they all...
Akutagawa: too old?
Atsushi: Yeah?
Yosano: U R INSULTING MY RELIGION
Gin: THE LESBIANS WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS
Chuuya: NOR SHALL I
Ranpo: INCLUDE ME IN THIS BITCH
Kunikida: DAZAI ON MY MARK
Dazai: NO PLEASE I'M COMING
Tachihara: That's what she said
Tanizaki: YOU IMMATURE PIECE OF SHIT-
Atsushi: I'M JUST SAYING THEY'RE ALL TOO OLD
Yosano: YEAH. OLD AND HOT
Gin: EXACTLY
Yosano: PLEASE WHENEVER I SEE HELA ON SCREAM I LITERALLY SCREAM WITHOUT THE S
Akutagawa: ...
Chuuya: Oh that's not-
Yosano: You wan't me to reveal what's going on in that filthy mind of urs?
Chuuya: ...
Chuuya: Carry on
Gin: NO NO NO
Gin: DO NOT CARRY ON
Gin: SHARE WITH THE CLASS
Yosano: What can I sayyyyy Chuuya is a blabbermouth when he be drunk
Chuuya: Fuck you
Yosano: Ew. Gross
Akutagawa: I hate my life
Tanizaki: BIG PHAT FUCKING MOOD
Tachihara: RAGLHDJVGCTFUYGIWUHJK>BHJVDGEWJHDKJW
Kunikida: DAZAI
Dazai: CHILLAX OLD MAN I'M PULLING IN
Kunikida: WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME
Dazai: FUKC IM SORYRY
Gin: SPILL THE BEANS ON ME BOSS
Chuuya: Ha. She would never
Yosano: He's right I would never
Gin: But lesbean alliance!
Yosano: IM SORRY BABES BUT THE DIRT THIS BITCH GOT ON ME IS TOO STRONG
Gin: Damn you Chuuya
Chuuya: I will literally fire you
Gin: NO pls Chuuya-
Kunikida: I'm sorry folks, but Dazai and I will be gone for a long time. Have fun!
Tachihara: Ohhhhhh shit bitch got him
Tanizaki: I think we should all evacuate the agency
Yosano: Bitch Im getting drunk
Atsushi: I'm on a mission...
Kyouka: Iwmsnsiwssa
Ranpo: Bitch Im at Poe's
Yosano: Suspicious
Gin: Gay
Chuuya: he's being gay
Ranpo: FUCK.
Ranpo: OFF.
Chuuya: Damn okay bitch
Chuuya: Hater gunna hate
Tanizaki: ...
Tachihara: Well now that Kunikida and Dazai r gone and we're done screaming about hot marvel men,
Gin: NOT DONE
Yosano: I WILL FIGHZT FOR MY MENS HONOR
Atsushi: You have a girlfriend
Yosano: She'd be down for a foursome
Atsushi: I did NOT need to know that
Tachihara: AND NOW THAT WE'RE DONE SCREAMING ABOUT HOT MARVEL MEN...
Tachihara: What's ur guys most niche intrest?
Gin: Oh get this.
Gin: None of you will understand Kipo and the age of the Wonderbeast the way I do.
Tanizaki: What the actual fuck is that
Gin: Inhales deeply.
Gin: NONE OF YOU WILL UNDERSTAND-
Atsushi: Umm. Avatar?
Akutagawa: ...
Higuchi: Tread carefully.
Gin: wow u tapped into Higuchi's obsession in 2 seconds flat
Atsushi: ...
Atsushi: The last...
Atsushi: Airbender?
Higuchi: NOT ONE OF YOU WILL UNDERSTAND THE GRIP THAT SHOW HAS ON MEEEE
Higuchi: Cept for you ginny
Gin: Boooyah
Akutagawa: ...
Akutagawa: umm.
Akutagawa: maze runner anyone
Yosano: HOLY SHIT
Yosano: I'M STEALING YOU
Yosano: YOUR MINE NOW
Akutagawa: Thank you?
Ranpo: Okay what the fuck
Tachihara: I started war?
Tanizaki: Good job honey
Yosano: PLEASE MAZE RUNNER WAS THE BEST THING I HAVE EVER READ AND WATCHED
Yosano: I LOVE IIIIIIIITTTT
Akutagawa: The symbolism and character within the books and the movies were so good? Like they got the perfect actors to depict how I perceived the characters throughout reading. I don't often read, but when I do it takes a lot for me to actually care about a book, and I swear to God page 250 is burnt into the back of my cranium and I will never be able to remove it. I love this so much.
Yosano: The only valid length of a message when talking about the Maze Runner? HOLY SHIT we do not speak of page 250 in this household. What's a page 250? But like, bro I've reread Maze Runner six times and the movies four times, and I swear to God I am noticing things I have never noticed before? Please I love this thank you for sharing the best common interest with me fucking ever.
Atsushi: I-
Gin: Wow okay y'all r way more passionate about this
Tachihara: Isn't this a freakan angsty teenager dystopian trilogy or smth?
Yosano: LE
Akutagawa: GASP
Yosano: HOW DARE YOU
Akutagawa: INSULT THE PERFECTION
Yosano: THAT IS THE MAZE RUNNER?
Akutagawa: It's so much more then just a angsty teenager dystopian trilogy you delusional piece of shit!
Yosano: It's one of the best found family tropes I have ever read, I hurts your soul more than anything.
Akutagawa: The book is a glorious piece of literature which does not desrve
Yosano: Your filthy mouth uttering it's gorgeous title.
Chuuya: Wow y'all r a special kind of obsessed
Yosano: Fuck off were just as obsessed with Six of Crows
Chuuya: DO NOT BRING MY CHILDREN INTO THIS
Yosano: I AM BRINGING THE CHILDREN INTO THIS
Tachihara: Wow this escalated farther then I was expecting
Chuuya: I STILL CAN'T BELEIVE YOUR FAV CHARACTER IS JESPER
Yosano: WTF IS WRONG WITH JESPER
Chuuya: NOTHING?!?!?! EVERYONE ELSE (minus Matthias) IS JUST INFINITELY BETTER?
Yosano: THE MATTHIAS SLANDER IS SO REAL
Ranpo: Stop this madness
Gin: I hate it here sometimes.
Gin: I can't even rant bout Kipo cause none of u have fucking watched it
Higuchi: Sorry :(
Gin: NO IT'S FINE NOT YOU-
Yosano: BUT I MUST SAY JESPER IS JUST THE BEST
Chuuya: FUCK YOU WYLAN AND KAZ ARE MY EVERYTHING
Yosano: YOU JUST LIKE THE TRAUMATIZED ONES
Chuuya: GASP
Chuuya: FUCK YOU!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Akutagawa: Umm guys, chill
Atsushi: YOU HAVE NO FUCKING RIGHT
Akutagawa: SHUT UP WERETIGER
Atsushi: YOU SHUT UP
Tachihara: Carnage.
Tanizaki: Wow okay
Ranpo: I'm so done.
Ranpo: I'm gonna go chill with my bf
Tanizaki: k.
Tanizaki: WAIT WHAT-
Chuuya: YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THE LENGTHS I WOULD GO FOR WYLAN MY CHILD
Chuuya: BITCH I WOULD FUCK SHIT UP
Chuuya: I WOULD LEVEL A GODDAMN CITY
Chuuya: LITERALLY
Higuchi: Okay... no need to level Yokohama for a fictional character
Chuuya: HE'S MORE THEN THAT
Chuuya: I STG KAZ'S POV'S WERE THE BEST THING EVER TO READ
Chuuya: JESPER IS BAD
Yosano: NO
Yosano: TAKE THAT THE FUCK BACK
Chuuya: NO
Yosano: MY POKER PLAYING BRETHREN
Yosano: MY WITTY HUMOR BROTHER
Yosano: MY SLIGHTLY TRAUMATIZED SIBLING
Yosano: DO NOT DO MY GAY MAN LIKE THAT
Atsushi: Wiat he's gay
Yosano: BITCH BE FOR REAL
Atsushi: IDK WTF WE TACOING ABOUAT
Akutagawa: DID YOU JUST SAY TACOING
Atsushi: FUCK OFF
Akutagawa: YOU FUCK OFF
Atsushi: NO YOU FUCK OFF
Yosano: YOU ARE WRONG
Chuuya: I AM NEVER WRONG
Kyouka: Iasmsdosidpapidntesd
Tanizaki: U r so valid for that kid
Tachihara: You know what she said?
Tanizaki: Pfft
Tanizaki: No.