Chapter Text
The withdrawals were terrible. Castiel used to be a warrior, and soldier of heaven who wouldn’t even bat an eye whenever he would get stabbed or injured. Oh, how things have changed.
He had both arms wrapped around himself in an attempt to self-soothe, unable to stop his entire body from shaking and breaking out into a cold sweat. He had run out of amphetamines not too long ago and he was desperate for any type of relief from the withdrawals.
Dean frowned as he looked down at Castiel who was struggling. It wasn’t the first time Dean had seen him like this, but it seemed worse than the last time. He hated seeing his friend go through this.
“Dean. Leave me be” Castiel rasps out, his voice somehow sounding even more rough than usual. He didn’t mean to sound so cold, but he didn’t want Dean to see him like this. He was already humiliated and ashamed enough as it was. He earned an eye roll from the other man, followed by a huff.
“and leave you by yourself, like this? I don’t think so” He replied. Castiel couldn’t help but let out a bitter laugh “It never stopped you before” Castiel replied in a quiet tone that could barely be heard.
Their conversation came to a stop when Castiel stood up on shaky legs and proceeded to throw up and get sick into a trashcan. Dean just stood in the same spot and watched, the same expressionless look on his face. When Castiel first got addicted, Dean had done his damn hardest to help his friend. He did everything he knew to get him clean but failed at every attempt.
Now, he found himself offering to go on supply runs specifically to find drugs for Castiel. To avoid withdrawals and situations that they were currently in. He finally walked over to Castiel, rubbing his back a bit and making sure his hair kept out of his face. “I’ll go see if I can find you something.. yeah? I think Chuck scored some narcotics or something on the last supply hunt” Dean says, voice cold and defeated.
He knew the drugs could very well kill Castiel, but he also knew that a sober Castiel would most likely wanna end everything too. Castiel has said that the drugs were the only thing keeping him alive at this point. Ironic. Dean didn't wanna think about that. He couldn't think about it.
Hours later, Dean had his arms wrapped around an unconscious Castiel. He would feel him occasionally twitch or mumble something in his sleep, but Dean was just focused on the pattern of his friend's breathing. He lost count of the nights he stayed up and just made sure Cas stayed alive and breathing.
He wished he could love Castiel properly, the way Castiel loved him. Maybe then they’d be able to save each other. Until then, Dean would keep his head on Castiel’s chest and listen to his heartbeat. He’d continue watching his chest rise and fall steadily, desperately wishing and hoping that he’d be able to love Cas properly before it was too late.