Chapter Text
He had been cheating.
The entire relationship.
THE ENTIRE RELATIONSHIP .
Jasmine carefully placed another coffee cup into the moving box and looked around her. The cottage house they had shared was almost empty, all she had left was the kitchen and …. his stuff.
Every day since Barry II’s demise, Jasmine had been left to deal with the broken pieces. She had found out about the affairs a few hours after his death, once the absolute shit-show of Fiona’s dinner party had settled down. Turns out Shrek wasn’t just dumb and careless as everyone made him out to bee (hehe pun). He was suspicious of Barry’s recent actions and watched as he and Fiona spent more and more time together. Without communicating his concerns to his now ex, Shrek had taken it upon himself to …. get rid of Barry.
(Fiona had been furious at Shrek when she finally spoke to him and reminded him that if you are planning an entire dinner party for someone then you typically need to coordinate with them about it).
Unfortunately, there had been MULTIPLE other women (not Fiona lol). And bees. Apparently, he even had pulled a Queen Bee. So many other women outside of their marriage that Jasmine had stopped counting. Or caring.
Learning that an entire two years of dating and a short-lived marriage had been for NOTHING really does that to a person.
She finished packing her coffee mugs and added the box to the ever-growing pile in their dining room.
HER dining room. Ugh.
Jasmine knew her friends were worried about her moving away, Jus had come over just last week for coffee and asked her again if she was sure it was a good idea. She bore the questions with a smile on her face but ended the night shortly after.
The reality was that she couldn’t stand coming back to this house each evening. To a place where she had built a life with someone who she thought of as an equal. They had sworn their lives together, just the two of them. (Well it was a double wedding so technically Jus and Obee-Wan were there too BUT NOT THE POINT).
She was ready to move on.
The movers were coming in a couple of days, the empty rooms were already deep cleaned, and she was seeing Jus again for dinner.
Obee-wan was not coming to dinner. It’s not like Jasmine didn’t invite him, but he typically didn’t join in anymore if she was going to be there. At first, it had hurt her feelings, but Jus said it was probably due to Obee-Wan’s grief about losing his best friend and to not take it personally.
She might give Obee-Wan most of Barry’s stuff.
Once she finally dealt with it.
Making her way out of the dining room, Jasmine’s feet carried her to the final closet of the house. The place where she had thrown all of his stuff after the funeral. (It had been a closed casket, no one wanted to look at his flattened body lmaoo).
Slamming the door open had no real purpose other than making her feel better, but the smell of stinky boy drifted out and hit her in the face after doing so. Jasmine pinched her nose as she took a look at everything that was in there. His tiny wedding suit, his favorite washcloth he used as a blanket, the Barbie house doll pillow she had gotten him for his birthday, some more junk, and …. his phone.
Hmmm.
She knew the passcode.
Using a tissue (lotioned cause Barry used a specific brand as bath towels and they apparently made his fur softer) to wipe the dust off of the device, Jasmine pressed the home button and waited for it to turn on.
And waited…
And oh duh it’s been sitting for over a year, it’s dead. (just like him HA)
Jasmine walked the phone back to the kitchen where her charger was and plugged it in. It took a few moments but slowwwwwwwwwwwwwwly started to charge.
And ouch.
His screensaver was a photo of them on the wedding day. Jus, Barry, Obee-Wan, Cheez Whiz, and a younger version of herself reflected from his cracked screen.
Ignoring her feelings, Jasmine quickly punched in Barry’s hatch date and immediately wanted to vomit.
Hundreds of unread messages and notifications.
And so many emails.
Barry had never unsubscribed or deleted an email in his life…. except for one?
Jasmine quickly opened it up to see what email would be so interesting to break Barry’s streak: “Another device has logged into this account.”
Hmmmmmm .
Did Barry have a second device?
Was someone impersonating her dead husband?
Or did someone else know about the cheating?
Hmmm….
A buzz ( heheheh ) from her phone pulled Jasmine out of her spiraling thoughts. She stood up too quickly from where she had taken a seat on the floor and tossed his cracked phone onto the counter when she had to grip the edge for balance.
Snatching her own phone, she saw that Jus had texted her asking if an earlier time would work for dinner because Obee-Wan wanted to watch a movie later that evening.
Taking a peek at the clock on the microwave, the earlier time would mean that Jasmine would need to leave in the next 20 minutes to get out of her house on time (ugh traffic).
Ignoring that spark of annoyance at having to rearrange plans due to Obee-Wan, she sent a confirmation text. After all, she knew that Jus and Obee-Wan were having relationship troubles right now. They needed all the time together that they could get around his busy schedule.
After tossing her phone on the other side of the kitchen from Barry’s (cheater germs, ew), Jasmine grabbed a ziplock bag and quickly made her way back down the hall.
Standing in front of the stinky closet, she threw every single item of his into the bag.
No purpose in keeping any of it for herself, that’s literally why she was moving.
Obee-Wan could reuse the pillow and mini items if he wanted to. Jasmine would pass along everything at dinner tonight.
She wiped down the dirty shelves and finally shut the door one last time.
~~
Get out of my house.
Please let me explain!
What is there to explain???? You hid and helped him hide a three-year scandal?? YOU were deleting the messages behind her back?
It wasn’t like that.
We are over. This is it, I can’t believe you right now. I thought we were getting better but you were hiding his flings for him!
We can work through this! I’m not like that!
I don’t care, how could I ever trust you again?
~~
Jus was worried about her friend.
Losing her beeloved husband had been hard for Jasmine. But finding out he was a serial cheater? No wonder why she looked so empty at times. Moving away and starting fresh could be a good idea, but Jus wanted her friend close.
Definitely now.
Because Jus knew.
She knew exactly who the other user on the account was.
Seeing that notification on Obee-Wan’s phone today about another device logging back into the email account had been a stroke of luck.
It finally gave her proof instead of just a feeling.
“We have a problem,” Jus reported when Jasmine finally joined her at the high-top table overlooking the river. The staff had seated the two ladies at the table enough times that it was practically reserved for them on Thursday nights. When the waiter saw Jasmine sit down, he waved and headed for the kitchen. They ordered the same thing every single week, so it was only a matter of time before the food would arrive.
“What type of problem?” Jasmine asked as she slid into her seat. Jus watched her check her phone and sigh before shoving it into her purse.
“I want to divorce Obee-Wan.”
She blurted out the truth before she could change her mind, anxious about her best friend’s reaction but… Jasmine didn’t look surprised at the confession from her.
“What made you finally decide?”
“Promise you won’t scream? I don’t know how to tell you this, but it involves Barry II.”
“Barry??” Jus winced as Jas screeched his name. She made a conscious effort to pretend that she didn’t notice the glances being thrown their way.
In a softer tone, “Yeah, um did you ever notice how Obee-Wan was distant towards you after the funeral? I thought it was just grief and I tried talking to him about it several times, but it almost seemed like he just did NOT want to talk to you.” Jus rubbed her chin in thought (Kenobi style) as she pondered her soon-to-be ex-husband’s actions.
“YES! I thought it was rude but didn’t want to say anything.”
“Omg no, I thought it was rude too and I told him that but he just kept making promises to work on it and come “talk to you” and I finally found out today what he wanted to say….”
“What is it….”
This was the exact moment that the waiter brought the food. (Because of course it is, they always arrive at the worst times.)
Jus faked a smile and took the plate from the waiter. After exchanging pleasantries with him she took a deep breath before…..
“I saw a notification appear on Obee-Wan’s phone right before I called you to meet up earlier and it said ‘Another device has connected to this email .’ and so I grabbed his phone and ran to my bedroom and slammed the door on him and scrolled through the email and it's the one that Barry was using to create dating accounts on. Obee-Wan was hiding all of the accounts and knew about the cheating the entire time.”
Jus saw her best friend pale and stopped breathing momentarily, so she reached across the table to grab Jasmine’s hand.
“Obee-Wan knew??”
“Unfortunately. And I won’t ever forgive him for hiding it from me and you. So I want a divorce.”
“But wait, you can’t. I thought we both signed the Official Bee Law Wedding Clause that specifically stated divorce was impossible. They really do take the ‘til death do us part’ thing seriously. I would know.” Jus hid her snicker at Jasmine’s bad attempt at a death joke.
“I don’t care. I refuse to stay married to him…”
wait
HmmmmmmMMMMM
“...til death do us part?”
“Jus? I don’t like that look on your face.”
“So eat your pasta and stop looking at my face.” She retorted letting go of Jamine’s hand so she could grab her fork. Stabbing the pasta was a better alternative to stabbing someone.. or something.
“Jus, you can’t murder your husband!”
“Why should we stay married?” Jus questioned her best friend, “He’s a slimy, no good sneaky bastard that hasn’t worked a day in his life, who sits around watching T.V. while I work to make sure he has health insurance, AND I got him that life-saving surgery when we finally found out what was wrong right after Barry’s death.”
“That still doesn’t count for you going to jail for murder! I would have to bail you out!!” More people glanced in their direction at the mention of murder.
But this time, Jus didn’t care.
She had a plan.
“Well, what if I didn’t murder him.”
Jasmine gave her a look. “Who are you thinking about???”
“I know a person.”
~~
42.5 hours later
~~
Jasmine had triple-read the text, yet the words still weren’t registering.
Grabbing her keys and throwing on a neon orange jacket, she raced out the door and drove over to Jus’ house as fast as legally possible. She only flipped off one really bad driver, (who totally deserved it), and pulled into the driveway next to another very familiar vehicle.
Making her way inside with the key that Jus had given her years ago, she yelled as obnoxiously as possible, “I’M HOME!!”
But the house was silent.
Until…
OMG WAS THAT JUS?!
Her best friend appeared at the top of the grand staircase in THE widow's robe. The dark, draping fabric flowed behind her as she made her way down the staircase, a tissue in one hand as she blotted her tears. Funny enough, her mascara was still as perfect as always.
“Jus, I got your text. Is it true?” She raced forward to meet Jus at the bottom of the stairs. Grabbing her friend’s non-tissue-holding hand, she noticed the… glee?? in the other woman’s eyes.
“It….”
“Yes it is.” A voice came from behind her.
Jasmine whipped around in shock. That was a voice she hadn’t heard in years…
“COALMINE?!?!”
She turned around and lunged into their other best friends’ arms. “You’re home?! How was your excursion in Africa?”
“It’s going wonderful, my dear.” Coalmine led them to the living room off the front entryway and flopped onto one of the couches next to the window. “But I couldn’t miss my best friend's trashy husband's funeral, now could I?”
Jasmine also plunked onto the couch, ready to chitchat for the next several hours. She was about to start questioning their friend when she saw Jus elegantly arranging THE robe around her in the corner of her eye as she sat on the hot pink accent chair.
THE robe
Oh right.
Jasmine’s thoughts came flying back to her. This wasn’t a social visit. She and Coalmine were here to comfort a grieving friend….
Wait….
“Coalmine, how did you fly back from Africa so fast for the funeral if we’re just now finding out….. omg you didn’t.” Jasmine gasped.
“Would you believe me if I said this was a social visit?” Coalmine chuckled and Jus hid her smile behind her tissue. Her DRY tissue.
“How did you do it?”
“Maybe I put him in a jar and shook him. Or maybe I cut both his wings off and pulled the stinger off of his beehind and watched as his internal organs crumbled and failed until he died. Or maybe I covered him in peanut butter and gave him to the dog down the street. Or…”
“…. Okay okay forget I asked.” Jasmine hid her shudder. She had been watching Jus’ face while listening to all of the different ways Obee-Wan could have perished. Jus had flinched but…
She looked more relaxed already.
Their… HER house was spotless for once instead of all the crap that he used to leave lying around, the dishes were cleared out of the kitchen sink, and the shoes and coats were put where they were supposed to be. Jasmine had listened to one of Jus’ rants about him weaponizing incompetence, as he just stayed home all day and “hung out with the guys” while leaving all of the chores to Jus. So finally seeing what her house could have been like without him worsening it was a shock.
He really had been weighing Jus down.
In the last 42.5 hours, Jasmine had gotten a copy and reread the entire Official Bee Law Wedding Clause (that I totally didn’t just make up this chapter, nooooooo), to see what other options they had instead of jumping straight to murder .
Unfortunately, there was nothing else. The clause was ironclad and divorce was so frowned upon, that the clerk at the Bee Law office had given her a nasty look when she asked about it. It’s not like the clerk’s opinion mattered to her, her bee husband was already dead.
Jasmine was pulled out of her thoughts when Jus raised out of her chair and made for the backyard, Coalmine already following. She hurried to catch up to the others and when she stepped out into the sunlight behind them, she gasped.
The lawns were covered with people; caterers, florists, a DJ, a group setting up chairs and tables, and a person with a clipboard. It looked like an entire party was being set up. How had she missed hearing all of this, she thought the house was empty!
“I thought this was a funeral?!” Jasmine blurted out, flabbergasted. She tugged on the helm of her neon orange jacket and ignored the feeling of being underdressed. Jus has said to come quick, so she did! Not her fault the only shoes she still had unpacked were crocs.
“I mean, I guess so. It’s becoming more of a celebration of life instead.” Jus replied and waved as the lady with the clipboard came rushing over.
“Celebration of his life, or the freedom of your new life without him?” Coalmine raised an eyebrow.
Jus grinned but ignored the question as she signed off on something the clipboard lady shoved at her. “I’m giving a speech at 6:00 p.m. in honor of Obee-Wan. You guys have until then to get dressed and whatnot. I’ve got clothes to fit both of you since I know you’re both packed at the moment.”
Jasmine paused and considered. The movers were coming tomorrow and she still had to…
No.
She was going to have an absolute blast at the “funeral” with her friends and enjoy her life.
Looking at Jus, Jasmine knew, she was thinking the same thing.
THE END <3