Chapter Text
The “who’s who” of “who’s that?”, is poised for the attack
Phillip began to sing, pulling the microphone close to his mouth as he poured all his emotions, all his heart out into one powerful performance. Tonight was the final straw, tonight was the night that Carlyle was no longer going to be held back by his parents’ expectations, only his own.
But my bare hands paved their paths, you don’t get to tell me about sad
Phillip could still remember the heartless nights, the long hours of darkness as he laid there on his bed, crying himself to sleep as his parents shouted at each other, the voices towering over each other to a climax all over the matters of their own son. It didn’t matter to them how their son felt, it only mattered how much they believed their son could even do. And of course, after every pageant, every piano lesson or performance that Phillip had attended and held, it would be his parents that would take all the credit. But not today.
If you wanted me dead, you should’ve just said
There were definitely times when Phillip wished nothing more than to die, to be sent out of this plane of existence. And on more than one occasion, on the offchance that Phillip voiced these concerns, all the Carlyles had to say was “you should feel that way.” But not today.
Nothing makes me feel more alive
But at his lowest point, when all hope felt lost for Phillip, when he was disowned from the Carlyles for simply being different, for simply being in love with another man, something clicked. He felt finally free, no longer being held in bondage under the family name.
And then he met P.T Barnum. The young soul who had helped him get back on his feet. The same soul who would take him under his own arm, rehabilitating him back to life with tender words of encouragement and becoming his number one fan. And of course, when the feelings became too intense between them to ignore, he was the one who initiated their kiss.
The way that Barnum’s first contact with Phillip’s lips made him feel was unforgettable. He could feel the intense emotion raging through his skin and spinal nerves, making him feel like for the first time, he could finally take a deep sigh of relief. For the first time, he didn’t feel like he wanted to die. He wanted to live, to thrive, to make a living for himself.
“How do you feel?” Barnum chuckled after their first kiss, hiding the fact that the man had been hopelessly in love for many years.
“Alive,” was all Phillip responded with.
The scandal was contained, the bullet had just grazed
Phillip had run away from the spotlight as soon as the news had come out. The esteemed Carlyle's disowning their son? What an incredible headline. And yet, when the reporters came out, Phillip was nowhere to be found. All the wealth that was supposed to be collected under Phillip’s name had been placed in a safe for only Mr. and Mrs. Carlyle to access, but of course they were exploiting him for their personal gain.
Fortunately, Phillip was someone who paid attention, and with all the intelligence and cunning that he possessed, he had broken into the safe, taken the money, and ran. He ran as far as he could, as far as his cars, as far as his money could take him. Far, far, far away from the cameras and the life of luxury he had grown up with. It was a culture shock of sorts and yet, Philip was never more grateful to be free from his previous life.
At all costs keep your good name, you don’t get to tell me you feel bad
Phillip could not have given two fucks about how much destruction he had caused to the family name. He didn’t care to change his last name, nor did he care about the dishonor or the reputation he had gained as a bit of a scandal. The Carlyles did everything in their power in every situation to make sure Phillip and the family never lost their perfect facade, but with how much media attention the Phillip scandal had caused, Phillip wouldn’t be wrong in assuming that the Carlyles couldn’t get the cameras off this one.
Is it a wonder I broke? Let’s hear one more joke, then we could all just laugh until I cry
No more jokes at his expense. No more of the shitty and neglectful mistreatment at the hands of his parents, people who Phillip would now call his abusers, the source of all his trauma. Who could blame him for running away? He was done with the life he grown up in, he left for a better life.
So I leap from the gallows, and I levitate down your street, crash the party like a record scratch as I scream
Who’s afraid of little old me?
And all of the emotions, all of the trauma, all the pain that his parents had caused him, all of it was coming back to him, stuck in his throat ready to be hurled out into the audience like a champagne bottle. And yet, instead of wanting to cry, instead of wanting to hurt himself, Phillip flung his voice across the entire stadium, across the entire world, as if to say to everyone, especially his parents, that he was never happier. Carlyle’s parents couldn’t stop him now. No one could take this away from him.
I was tame, I was gentle till the circus life made me mean, don’t you worry folks we took out all her teeth
Who’s afraid of little old me?
Well you should be, you should be, you should be.
His parents were responsible for this. His parents said they were responsible for his success, for his privileges, for being the ones to raise him. But if that was the case, Philip deduced, they were also responsible for his reactions, for his personality, for everything that happened to him. All of his anxieties, all of his failures, everything that culminated in him leaving, that was their fault too.
You should be. You should be. You should be.
And the chords that were struck within the hearts of the audience, all the shared memories and connections that Phillip’s new song began to project across the audience, it all propelled them to sing along. To sing along in blissful ignorance to Phillip’s revenge song against his parents. They wouldn’t know it, of course, but this song wasn’t just about holding his head high in the face of adversity. This was a message to the Carlyles, a message to “go fuck themselves”, because they couldn’t stop Phillip now. If only he could see their faces now, it would have been the most hilarious and satisfying thing Phillip would have ever had the fortune of seeing.
So tell me everything is not about me. But what if it is?
The drums, the voices, the music died down into a very brief moment of silence, a time that froze Phillip in place as he contemplated just how far he had come. The Carlyles had always told their own son that without them, he would have never gotten anywhere in life. It’s always about you, they said, obviously very frustrated with their own son. The hypocrites told Philip that not everything in life revolved around them.
And yet, without the Carlyles, Phillip had been more successful, happier than he had ever been with them. There were never any articles, never any coverage about the rich family that Phillip had grown up in anymore; it was all about Phillip himself.
Then say they didn’t do it to hurt me. But what if they did?
Phillip threw the force of his body down onto his feet, leaning off the microphone stand with his free hand as he hung his head downwards towards the floor, taking heavy breaths to stabilize himself. He suddenly spun around the stand and threw himself back up to a standing position, vocalizing the anger and mistrust that had formed between his present and past into one energetic performance, the performance that made you scream and shout with how much they were putting into it.
I wanna snarl and show you just how disturbed this has made me
You wouldn’t last an hour in the asylum where they raised me
Phillip had been through the toughest times of his life. Through childhood scars and neglect, through traumas and the words that Mr. and Mrs. Carlyle had thrown at their own son that had been internalized, the behaviors that had sprouted as a result of this seemingly perfect upbringing, that culminated in the destruction of the honor of the Carlyle name, all for Philip to escape a life of fame and luxury into the world of reality.
And yet, against all odds, Phillip and Phineas had worked together to rebuild Phil’s image, to transform the headlines around him from a scandal, to the world’s greatest pop star in existence. The incredible reinvention that Phillip was able to undergo changed everything, and Phillip was happy to flaunt it to the people who believed he would never amount to anything.
So all you kids can sneak into my house, with all the cobwebs
I’m always drunk on my own tears, isn’t that what they all said?
It wasn’t uncommon knowledge that during Phillip’s intermission period, between his fame as a Carlyle and his return to mainstream consciousness that the man had turned to alcohol as a vice, as a way to numb the pain and the hurt he had felt from all the years. In fact the Carlyles throughout this time had always joked about this, saying their son most likely was sitting in a random dilapidated bar drinking himself to unconsciousness. And yet, that fateful day was the day that Phillip had met Phineas and single handedly saved his life.
That I’ll sue you, if you step on my lawn
That I’m fearsome, and I’m wretched, and I’m wrong
They said he was no longer his son. They said he was a scandal, an impostor, nothing more than a slut in their eyes. But oh how so wrong those eyes were, how so clouded their judgment was, how impostor they truly were as parents.
Put narcotics into all of my songs, and that’s why you’re still singing along
Phillip was far from what his parents told him. He was never a failure, no matter how many words his parents threw at him. He had multiple number one singles, broke records with every album release, and brought the world down to his knees. It truly was like his songs were a drug, and everyone was hooked.
So I leap from the gallows, and I levitate down your street, crash the party like a record scratch as I scream
Who’s afraid of little old me?
I was tame, I was gentle till the circus life made me mean, don’t you worry folks we took out all her teeth
Who’s afraid of little old me?
Well you should be, you should be, you should be.
Cause you lured me, and you hurt me, and you taught me
Perhaps Phillip would always deal with the emotions and the memories of his past. Perhaps he would always deal with haunted memories of the times Mr. and Mrs. Carlyle called him a scandal, called him a slut and a pervert, called him a failure.
You caged me, and then you called me crazy
Perhaps Phillip was a scandal. Perhaps he was a slut and a pervert. Perhaps he was a failure. But he learned everything he needed to for what he had the power to do now.
I am what, I am cause, you trained me
Phineas looked up at the cameras over the stage as he waited behind for his boyfriend to finish his song. All the emotion, all the moves and powerful vocals that Phillip had pulled together for this singular performance that in his mind, would go down as one of the greatest in history. He could only sigh as the management joined him on either side, watching Barnum’s boyfriend.
“I love him. I couldn’t ask for anyone else,” Phineas said.
So Who’s. Afraid. Of Me?
So Who’s. Afraid. Of Little Old Me?
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
“Who’s afraid of little old me,”Phillip ended the song as he stood breathless, static as his feet were left unwavering on the mirrored floor that they called the stage. The crowd was left helpless but to cheer, to give a standing ovation to the one performer who completely changed both their lives, but his own.