Chapter Text
(Jackie and Laura Lee)
14:22
lee: knock knock
jax: Laura lee…
jax: why are you knocking on my apartment in the middle of the day
lee: i come bearing a lottie
jax: Are you two cool?
lee: yeah
lee: i’m waiting for it to pass
jax: you could tell her
lee: jackie
lee: that’s beside the point!
jax: well apologies
jax: no cold callers
jax: we don’t want her
lee: too late lottie has already broken us in!!
jax: WHAT
lee: we’ve come to collect you two for a game of soccer
jax: you really do act like our mother
lee: ???
jax: ‘we’ve come to collect you two’
lee: I think that’s just your mummy issues talking jackie!!
lee: but i appreciate it
jax: maybe
jax: fine i’ll join you if i must
lee: yeah!! could you get van too
jax: ofc but they might kill you on the spot when asked
lee: i'm sure we can manage a homicidal van
jax: who am i kidding no one could ever kill you
jax: sigh
jax: just get comfortable
jax: i needa shave my legs before getting into my shorts
lee: okay!!
lee: though don’t feel like you HAVE to shave your legs if you don’t want to. we shouldn't have to uphold a beauty standards that men don’t. body hair is natural!! we are all beautiful in the eyes of our lord :)
jax: as much as i love this feminism and moving speech
jax: i want smooth legs
lee: Fair enough!!
lee: where’d you keep your tea bags again
jax: the cupboard with the broken hinge
lee: okay!!!
—-
(Jackie and Van)
14:27
jackie: van have u locked yourself in the bathroom again
van: no.
jackie: yeah you have
jackie: let me in you little RAT i need my razor
van: i mean i’m NOT COMING TO PLAY SOCCER WITH YOU
jackie: Why not? i thought u loved soccer
van: I DO
van: but my preferred position is goalie
van: and you guys are violent fucking freaks
van: if i get another nose bleed i might die of blood loss
van: you and lottie play like a pair of macho football lads and laura lee and i are left fighting for our lives in the mud
jackie: you’re saying we play SOCCER like FOOTBALL lads??
van: yes.
jackie: that makes no sense
van: it wouldn't to you
van: but that irrelevant
van: i’m not putting myself though it again jackie
jackie: So you locked yourself in the bathroom?
van: yep
jackie: i didn’t realise you were such a drama queen
van: i can be when i want to
jackie: come on van
jackie: laura lee is coming
van: that’s because, bless her heart, she is thinking with her dick
van: meanwhile i have a working brain immune to the likes of lottie
jackie: okay fair enough
jackie: what if i got the JV girls to come
jackie: then you could suffer together
van: mari and gen are NO BETTER
jackie: Mel and akilah??
van: fine. deal.
van: but if i get another ball to the head you will be sleeping on the couch tonight.
jackie: okayy….
jackie: we have separate rooms you know
van: and i will not hesitate to let my bearded dragon sleep in yours
jackie: aww i love crouton though
van: yes but he hates you
van: and he bites when he’s sleepy
jackie: OKAY I PROMISE NO TACKLES
jackie: now open the damn door
van: okay
—-
(Jackie, Lottie, Laura Lee, Van, Mari, Akilah, Gen, Mel)
Yellowjackets!
14:35
jackie: AFTERNOON TEAM IT’S TIME TO ASSEMBLE
laura lee: oh you’re so smart jackie
van: my idea. benefits the two of us lee
laura lee: YAY :)
lottie: i’m confused how does this only benefit you two
lottie: i love the kids
mel: you have kids?
akilah: not quite mel
jackie: JUST HEAR ME OUT
gen: go on…
mari: what’s in it for me.
jackie: ?? you haven’t heard what it is yet
mari: does it look like i care
mari: my time on this earth is precious, cap
mari: i won’t waste it on anything that doesn’t benefit me
akilah: ignore her and tell us what it is
jackie: soccer.
jackie: at the beach
jackie: at three
jackie: Join us?
mari: big no from me
mel: i’m kind of scared
mel: you play ruff
jackie: pleaseeee
jackie: it’s no fun without you guys
lottie: not offended or whatever
jackie: shush
jackie: it’ll be fun
gen: idk i have a lot of work to catch up on :(
akilah: me too!! apparently trying to become an ob-gyn requires actual hard work
mari: heh who’da thought
mari: you’ll kill it though aki :)
akilah: thank you mar <3
gen: plus i’d really rather do anything else with my sunday afternoon
mel: we’re having a study date!! :3
gen: exactly :)
mari: repeat my earlier question:
mari: what’s in it for me
jackie: umm
jackie: spending time with your favourite people?
mari: wrong
jackie: bruising Lottie's massive ego?
lottie: now why am i catching strays
mari: a little more convincing but still wrong
lottie: -_-
gen: i could be swayed
jackie: i’ll buy you those chips from the boardwalk?
akilah: meet you in ten x
mel: add some ice cream
gen: and then you have a deal
jackie: deal
mari: UGH fine.
mari: but we better win
—-
(Jackie and Shauna)
shauna: hello sexy ;)
jackie: umm hi??
shauna: what are you up to
shauna: i’m on a beach
shauna: omg wtf beach is such a weird word isn’t it??
shauna: like why bEAch?? couldn’t it be beech or bch
jackie: why would it be bch??
shauna: well because b = bee and ch = ch so therefore b + ch = beach
shauna: i think i just spotted a major flaw in the english language
jackie: Ship, have you been drinking?
shauna: fuuck no
shauna: i’m noot the type of person to get drunk on the middle of the day
jackie: hm
jackie: i’m sensing a but
shauna: what??
shauna: oh right yeah HAHA
shauna: BUT i’m really fucking high
shauna: on a bch
jackie: dear god
jackie: i’m also on a beach funnily enough
jackie: though probably not having as much fun as you are
shauna: you’re probably right i’m having a lot of fun right now
shauna: i did kind of manipulated my friend into going to the beach win he can’t swim
shauna: at the end of october
shauna: which is fuckigj hilarious
shauna: so now they’re sat on the rocks watching me and president swim
shauna: the water is probably really cold but my arms and legs are already numbs so it’s fineee
jackie: you psychopath
jackie: i just dipped my toes into the water where we are and it’s freezing
jackie: wetsuit or no wetsuit is the question
shauna: no wetsuit ha
shauna: i git the munchies but i’ve got not food
jackie: i’m eating food rn
jackie: five guys doing some serious damage to my guts rn
shauna: six when i get there ;)
jackie: WHAT
shauna: fymmm what reread eet or somethign
jackie: OH MY GOD LMAOOFHF
shauna: there are some really loud peiple on the other side of the beach tho
shauna: a massive group of girls our age by the looks of it
shauna: if i werent happyly flooting around in the ocean right now i would give them a piece of my mind
shauna: hahaha imagine if i actually tore out a piece of my brian and gave it to them
jackie: i liked stoned ship
jackie: he seems like he’d get me
jackie: also did you say you’re floating in the ocean NOW?? whilst texting me??
shauna: waterproof phone case exists
shauna: president comes prepared
shauna: also we can take cute underwater photos
shauna: i’ll send you one but not my face the floor
shauna: *image.jpg*
jackie: your thumb is covering up the camera
jackie: but i appreciate the effort
jackie: anyway i’ve got to go, duty calls
jackie: have fun shippington
shauna: hehehe i will.
——
nerd brigade
17:45
shauna: thank you for a fun day at the beach sluts x
tai: no matter how many times you insist otherwise that never feels like a term of endearment
tai: but it was so fun!!
tai: i can’t believe i witnessed nat nearly drown in a rock pool
nat: ffs DROWN is dramatic
nat: i slipped and yelped a little because i was in a random body of water
nat: total and normal reaction??
shauna: not when said body of water is two inches deep
shauna: i’d also describe it as a panicked squeal
shauna: with a bit of unnecessary splashing
shauna: you’d think you’d have been swept away by a current based on your reaction
nat: look i don’t do well with water whatever
tai: i wonder why that is
nat: this joke is getting old
nat: yes hahaha i’m 18 and can’t swim
nat: don’t blame me. blame my parents for not wanting to teach me
tai: i think this is one of the few things we cannot actually blame on your parents
nat: bold statement
shauna: we literally went to swimming classes together until we were six because you got kicked out for using another child’s head like a buoyancy device
nat: i do not recall
shauna: well i do
shauna: because that child was ME
nat: you probably deserved it
nat: but anyway
nat: i guess today wasn’t THAT bad
shauna: it would’ve been a lot better if it wasn’t for those idiots playing soccer
nat: idk they sounded like they were having fun
nat: if i was sober maybe i would’ve joined them
shauna: sure but they were literally at the other end of the beach to us and still SO loud
shauna: i couldn’t even see them but god i can hear them
tai: honestly i was too busy staring at that cloud that looked strikingly similar to kermit the frog
nat: the resemblance was uncanny
shauna: tai you’re so much less of an asshole when you’re high
tai: aww thanks
tai: and you’re a big enough one for the both of us sober it otherwise :)
shauna: ouch </3
nat: anyway ciao sluts (derogatory)
nat: getting myself a glass of water and then mother will want to hear all about my cousin meet up so i need to set my story straight
tai: try not to drown in the glass <3
nat: i will block you
—-
(Jackie and Shauna)
18:45
jackie: sorry for going awol on you
jackie: i was busy SMASHING SOME MEN
shauna: right..
shauna: i was under the impression that you didn’t swing that way but good for you ig
jackie: AT BEACH SOCCER
shauna: oh that makes more sense
shauna: is this your attempt at ‘proving me wrong’ jackie because i’m sorry you have no proof
jackie: that’s it
jackie: i’m going to send you a video of my EPIC penalty shot and crop my face out
jackie: i’ll show you what talent looks like
shauna: i’m excited to see your cropping skills
18:54
jackie: *video.jpg*
jackie: here’s your proof SHIPPINGTON
jackie: also you can hear mari shouting ‘nice one jackie!’ in case there was any doubt
shauna: honestly i don’t know why i asked for proof when i know nothing about soccer
shauna: but impressive (i think)
jackie: great
jackie: all that difficult cropping for nothing
shauna: well…
shauna: not for nothing…
jackie: ????
shauna: who’s the ref? ;)
shauna: is she single?? ;)
jackie: ahh that would be bear’s mother
shauna: is bear looking for a stepmom by any chance
jackie: we all wish :/
jackie: bear’s dad is one lucky man
shauna: agreed.
jackie: she is my favourite milf
jackie: closely followed by mel’s mum who is actually single and a lesbian so i might have a chance there
shauna: and how does mel feel about this
jackie: what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her
shauna: also what men were you playing with??
jackie: some guys who challenged us. we absolutely thrashed them
jackie: but none in that clip yet?
shauna: what about pets?
jackie: um a bearded dragon at home…
jackie: why do you ask?
shauna: well it sounded like there was an animal or something growling?? in the background
jackie: oh no that’s just deer
jackie: she’s a sore loser
shauna: you’re telling me
shauna: THAT SOUND
shauna: was made by an 18/19 year old woman??
jackie: it’s appears that way yes
shauna: jesus
jackie: hey i just realised you never properly answered my question earlier
jackie: about what you look like
shauna: damn it
shauna: i thought i’d managed to get away unnoticed
shauna: but in my defence i DID tell you what i was wearing
shauna: it felt whorish but i still did it
shauna: is that not enough for you
jackie: no it’s not
jackie: and sorry but if you need to know one thing about me ship
jackie: it’s that i have PHOTOGRAPHIC memory
jackie: and i PHOTOGRAPHICALLY remember
shauna: i don’t think you’re using it right
jackie: shh
jackie: i remember asking you to describe your PHYSICAL FEATURES what you’re wearing, etc
jackie: i’ve heard nothing on the former..
shauna: FINE
shauna: i don’t know what you want me to say
shauna: i have dark eyes, dark hair and pale skin?
shauna: what else is there to describe??
jackie: …
jackie: are you serious
shauna: what?
jackie: ‘what?’ HE SAYS
jackie: THAT’S SO INCREDIBLY VAGUE
jackie: mel’s mom has dark hair dark eyes and pale skin
jackie: are you a 5’11 milf
shauna: not that i’m aware of
jackie: shame :(
jackie: anyway you can do better than that
shauna: can i?
jackie: actually maybe YOU can’t
jackie: perhaps i’ll have to ask one of your friends
jackie: are your friends around by any chance
shauna: i don’t like where this is going but president is sitting opposite me
jackie: can you pass me over pretty please :))
shauna: uuugggh fine
shauna: give me a sec
19:06
shauna: hello… jackie??
jackie: hi!! you must be ship’s friend
shauna: …..
shauna: so you’re the one everyone’s talking about?
jackie: ….
jackie: you’re joking, you’re joking
jackie: i CAN’T believe my eyes
shauna: you’re joking me, you’ve gotta be
shauna: this can’t be the right guy!!
jackie: he’s ancient
shauna: he’s ugly
jackie: i don’t know which is worse
shauna: alright i’m going to stop there or we’ll be here all day
jackie: that’s probably wise
jackie: so…
jackie: do you have a name mr oogie boogie
shauna: HA caught you in the act
shauna: i told ship you were a creepy psycho man
shauna: though the fact you just sang oogie boogie’s song with me suggests otherwise
jackie: i am offended you’d think i was a MAN
jackie: and i mean you’d HAVE to be a creepy psycho stalker man to not give nightmare before christmas the respect it deserves
shauna: true
shauna: anyway. what do u want from me
shauna: other than all my personal information
jackie: i need you to describe what ship looks like
jackie: or like her style
jackie: because he’s been incredibly vague so far
shauna: this really goes against my stranger danger preaching
shauna: but it will annoy the fuck out of her so sure <3
jackie: yay! <3
shauna: okay so first of all you need to know that ship is probably the hottest woman i’ve ever laid eyes on
shauna: no exaggeration
jackie: ha! I knew it!
shauna: granted, if it weren’t for the fact we’ve known each other since kindergarten and the thought of our friendship ever being more than platonic makes my stomach turn
shauna: wow, love you too - ship xx
shauna: then she’d obviously be mine
shauna: aww i take it back you’re cute sometimes - ship
shauna: so ANYWAY back to how hot ship is
jackie: yes please :))
shauna: you’re doing a terrible job at convincing me ur not a creep fyi
shauna: as i was saying
shauna: incredibly hot, incredibly cool
shauna: he’s like giving closet butch, basically. flannels and tank tops, baggy jeans and stuff. She’s basically like if but i’m a cheerleader melanie lynskey had sex with both corky from bound and emily dickinson
jackie: what an image
jackie: and HOW did emily get in there
shauna: he needs to get the gay brooding poet from somewhere
shauna: she dresses very cool
shauna: but very effortlessly
jackie: i’m so so glad i’m came to you for this president
shauna: that nickname feels like a jinx
shauna: she’s dramatic - ship
shauna: I DON’T WANT TO JINX IT
jackie: you planning to become president??
shauna: in the near future
jackie: well my vote is sealed!!
shauna: thank you!!
jackie: you have a way with words
shauna: thanks :)
shauna: as for appearance
shauna: he’s got like tousled chestnut hair that is messy and short in a cute way yk. and it’s really dark brown and pretty wavy
shauna: rosy full cheeks like a proper baby face which i find sooo fucking adorable but she’s glaring at me bc she hates it and just compliments in general
shauna: she’s got muscular arms from all the weight lifting she does bc it’s like her coping mechanism or something?? i’m just glad she’s punching bags and not people anymore
shauna: but like her arms <3
jackie: WHAT
——
ex rich girlfailures
19:17
jackie: AJAJSSG
jackie: buff. women.
laura lee: i agree <3
lottie: OH YESS
—-
shauna: yes she has a history.
shauna: but like,,, his arms <33
shauna: this is getting quite gay - ship
shauna: well yes you are
jackie: this is interesting information….
shauna: OH and also BIG BROWN COW EYES that make her seem innocent everytime she does hit someone
jackie: COW??
shauna: NO THAT’S A GOOD THING hold on
shauna: I CAN’T BELIEVE I DIDN’T EVEN START WITH HER EYES
shauna: *image-of-cow-eyes.jpg*
shauna: that’s what her eyes look like. it’s how she gets away with so much shit
shauna: She's like 5 '7 I think??
shauna: she’s kind of short
jackie: THAT’S TALL
shauna: HELP no it’s not. don’t tell me ur like five foot nothing
jackie: FIVE FOOT FOUR.
shauna: LMFAOOO so anyone is tall for you!
shauna: is it terrifying down there
jackie: mhm yes terrifying is definitely the word i would use yes
shauna: also she has these sweet little bunny teeth
shauna: another thing added to the list of things unjustly adorable about Satan
shauna: i take it back, you’re never cute - ship
jackie: awww ship that’s cute
shauna: don’t start - ship
shauna: hang on why tf am i signing my name
shauna: this is MY phone
jackie: tell president i love her and that she is my new favourite person
shauna: never
shauna: he loves me really - president
shauna: it was nice meeting you jackie
jackie: right back at you pres :)
shauna: so anyway there you go you weirdo
shauna: now you know my physical features and my etc
shauna: happy?
jackie: very
jackie: so i guess i better return the favour and tell you what i look like
shauna: i guess you must
jackie: so as you probably guessed
jackie: i am drop dead gorgeous
shauna: not so fast
jackie: what??
shauna: you had my friend tell you what i look like
shauna: it’s only fair if i had one of your friends to do the same for you
jackie: oh shit
shauna: so, jackie. is your roommate around?
jackie: Well, yes. but i’m not exactly confident in their ability to perform said task
jackie: i could walk out my room wearing nothing but a potato sack and i don’t think they’d bat an eye
jackie: they’d probably just ask me if i can buy them pop tarts or something
shauna: fair enough
jackie: next time i see bear i’ll get HER to tell you what i look like
shauna: uh uh uh
jackie: …what now
shauna: don’t think i don’t see what you’re doing
shauna: based on what i know about bear
shauna: i think i’m safe in assuming she’ll just say a bunch of overly nice things about you and leave no room for the embarrassment i was torture to.
jackie: ‘overly’ ouch.
shauna: i want raw authenticity.
jackie: what are you suggesting
shauna: i want deer
jackie: ugghh
jackie: anyone but her. they live to ruin my life
shauna: jackieee
jackie: fine
jackie: i’ll let you know when i’m next with her…
jackie: i warn you that she is a compulsive liar and everything she tells you about me will be highly inaccurate
shauna: i’ll be the judge of that
shauna: but thank you ;)
—-
nerd brigade
19:34
tai: okay i’ve spoken to jackie
tai: and even though i still don’t trust her
tai: i’ve decided i like her
tai: she shares my appreciation for nightmare before christmas
shauna: what is it with you and that movie
tai: i like redheads idk
tai: AND i got to embarrass shauna
nat: wait, who is jackie??
tai: the possible serial killer shauna has been messaging
tai: keep up, nat.
nat: i don’t know why you’re saying ‘keep up’ when that information was obviously just revealed to you
tai: save your technicalities for someone who cares.
19:51
shauna: jackie is a really pretty name, don’t you think? and jacqueline
shauna: it essentially means god is gracious
shauna: hebrew origin
tai: your name means the same thing
shauna: what?
tai: i just googled it
shauna: oh
nat: funny coincidence
shauna: yeah, that is