Chapter Text
“Oh.. Shang Qinghua”
Qinghua pauses at his name being called by an unfamiliar voice before turning around. It’s two days before summer break is about to begin and thus his descent into complete isolation. Shen Yuan will be on holiday with his family, and he doesn’t think anyone else will care enough to bother dragging him out of his home.
Surprisingly, the voice calling him is not someone who he’s familiar with. Rather it’s one of Mobei’s friends.. was it Liu Qingge…? He tenses a bit at the thought of Mobei trying to send a message through his friend, before remembering how dense the both of them are. If anything, he’d send a message through Luo Binghe, especially since him and Shen Yuan had been dancing around each other for the past two years.
Biting his lip and realizing they’ve both been quiet for too long he finally speaks up.
“Um… yes.. hello.. did you.. need something…?”
Qingge crosses his arms and stares at him scrutinizingly, as though he sees something Qinghua cannot see. He doubts such a thing is possible, the man is as dense as a rock, still it feels odd to have someone look at him like they can see through his body into his soul. Especially when it’s someone like Liu Qingge.
“You.. are not speaking to Mobei.. did you break up?”
He pauses for one second. Then two, then three.
That.. what..?! Did people think him and Mobei were dating? Did it seem like they had feelings for one another? He hadn’t even– was that why Mobei was avoiding him? Was he disgusted by the idea? And why did that thought hurt more than the pain he already felt?
A bit of the anger that had been bubbling beneath the surface spills out from beneath him, weeks upon weeks of this pain, resentment, anguish, thats built up in the reservoir he keeps inside himself which finally overflows. He knows Qingge isn’t the one to blame, that the sorrow he feels is not the fault of some random man who he barely knows, so he bites his tongue, trying not to snap “We didn’t.. we were never.. he avoided me first!”
There is a pause, Qingge seems slightly stunned, whether it be at the information or at his outburst, and Qinghua can no longer hold the tides back, these.. feelings that have built up. That confusion, the initial sadness turned into bubbling and piling resentment. What did he ever do? Why did he deserve to be thrown off to the side without explanation? Was he so ugly, so average that he wasn’t worth speaking to? How dare Mobei?
“And– and.. he didn’t even tell me..” His voice cracks, breaking as he realizes there are definitely tears falling as he tries to blink and wipe them away. He feels embarrassed but the heat in the pit of his stomach, his heart, his throat, it burns with the fire of betrayal.
He hiccups, “That.. a-asshole..! A-and.. he wants to t-try to talk it out now..! F-Fuck him..!”
Qingge just stares, clearly confused and unsure of what to do in this situation, mouth opening and closing like a fish, when suddenly Mobei appears seemingly out of thin air but more likely from around the corner and the remainder of the dam breaks all over again.
He looks up at his best friend.. former best friend? He isn’t quite sure anymore if he’s honest and glares, waiting for some sort of explanation that does not seem to come. Instead Mobei pauses before walking closer to him, standing directly in front of him and unsure of what to do. Qinghua looks back at the floor, attempting to swallow his feelings back into his throat as the lump in his throat breaks and he gives in to himself, repeatedly hitting Mobeis arm as his friend reaches out to pat him, Qingge disappearing from the corner of his vision.
“Y-You suck..! A-And I hate you! And.. I-I did…” He swallows upon the realization that he has come to. He loves Mobei, and thats why this hurts so badly. Why the betrayal feels like dry ice on his skin, why his avoidance was like poison, why its hurt so much up till now.
He smacks him even harder before staring down at the floor, angry and teary-eyed, heaving out a sigh in the quiet corridor.
“A-Am I… am I really average?”
A silence follows, one he almost takes as confirmation before Mobei wraps his arms around him, in an embrace he hasn’t held Qinghua since they were small children. It feels like an apology, but not enough of one. The anger feels rooted deep inside, even if the grip they have on the soil loosens a bit.
“I did not.. mean it in that way. I apologise Shang Qinghua, I was merely trying to avoid discussing the topic with Sha Hualing further.”
He glares up at Mobei again, eyes no longer teary, just filled with anger and debating if he should step on his former best friends feet now or later.
“What.. topic! A-And what was with the avoiding me huh?!”
Mobei seems to swallow at that before he sighs, looking Qinghua in the eye.
“I am in love with you”
Qinghua pushes Mobei off of him, the tears running down his cheeks and his voice cracking, “Seriously? And you couldn’t just t-tell me?! I-Instead you.. you’re the worst!”
Mobei seems to be panicking slightly, unsure of what to do, but he can’t bring himself to care. All this for some emotions he’d rather bury? The hurt he feels, the emotional toll this has taken, because of what?
He takes a breath, trying to calm himself down, his mind running.
He can’t fix this in a day, or even a week, a month, maybe not even in a year.
But, Qinghua still loves Mobei, he’s in love with him. And Mobei.. Mobei is an idiot. An idiot who might not mean harm but an idiot nonetheless.
So, he makes a choice.
“You… and I. Are going to fix this. Because I am not dating a goddamn emotional rock!” Qinghua glares up, his eyes finally free of tears. Mobei nods, lookingly slightly frazzled yet still stoic.
He isn’t sure if its the right choice but.. swallowing saliva he knows he could never make a different one. Because despite all the pain, he loves Mobei and he knows now at least that Mobei loves him.
And hopefully they can love each other properly too.