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Published:
2024-03-12
Updated:
2024-07-04
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9,249
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7/?
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the secret 25th book (the chat log)

Chapter 7: [retiredadventurer:] how was your week long fuck-cation

Summary:

a new chapter to celebrate the thunder-saga!!!

Notes:

Odysseus- [#wifeguy:]
Helen- [Hatingapplessince20xx:]
Menelaus- [Sealyoulater:]
Agamemnon- [Dog:]
Clytemnestra- [Canyouevenfindtheclit:]
Achilles- [retiredadventurer:]
Patroclus- [donotUWUme:]
Diomedes- [kys:]
Penelope-[betterthanyou:]
Telemachus-[TheFavorite:]

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

[retiredadventurer:] right

[retiredadventurer:] soooo

[retiredadventurer:] @kys @#wifeguy @betterthanyou

[retiredadventurer:] how was your week long fuck-cation

[TheFavorite has left Fuck You]

[donotUWUme:] LMAOOO

[Sealyoulater:] insane 

[Hatingapplessince20xx:] now you’re just torturing the poor kid on purpose

[retiredadventurer:] its my right

[Dog:] How has my work chat fallen into this?

[Sealyoulater:] that’s your fault for hiring all of us

[Dog:] I regret it every day. 

[Sealyoulater:] no but seriously how was it???

[kys:] why

[kys:] you want the videos, freak?

[Sealyoulater:] JHJAFAFGVAFH HELP?????????????

[Hatingapplessince20xx:] dont tempt him

[Sealyoulater:] H E L EN

[retiredadventurer:] VIDEOS??

[donotUWUme:] pLURAL?

[betterthanyou:] we could make a killing on OF

[Hatingapplessince20xx:] PENNY

[#wifeguy:] lmao

[retiredadventurer:] DONT JUST ‘LMAO’ ME YOU BASTARD

[#wifeguy:] lmao

[retiredadventurer:] bITCH

 


 

[donotUWUme:] is anyone going to add telemachus back in???

[TheFavorite:] oh dont worry about it

[donotUWUme:] what the hell

[TheFavorite:] :) 

[donotUWUme:] eugh

[donotUWUme:] scary

 




[Sealyoulater:] @#wifeguy what’s a heifer

[#wifeguy:] a heifer refers to a female cow who has not yet given birth— in antiquity they were often used for ritual sacrifices for the gods so they’d look down on the people with good faith

[Sealyoulater:] thx

[Dog:] You couldn't have just googled this, Menelaus?

[Sealyoulater:] the AI feature makes me mad

[betterthanyou:] oh same

[#wifeguy:] it’s like no one’s read I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream or watched Terminator or read 1984 or watched Smart House or literally any of these incredibly popular things that have warned time and time again of the purposeful decay of intellectualism due to governmental policies pushed by greed and self-service as well as human progression stagnating under the rise of technology and prioritizing convenience at the expense of autonomy :/

[Dog:] Damn, alright. Simmer down.

[Canyouevenfindtheclit:] no wait let him speak

[donotUWUme:] i’m not paying for this TED talk

[betterthanyou:] they banned him from TED

[retiredadventurer:] what 

[#wifeguy:] they’re gonna fucking get me

[kys:] i wish they’d put you down like a dog :/ 

[#wifeguy:] couch 

[kys:] damn 

 

[TheFavorite:] dad why didnt you tell me you lose braincells in college

[#wifeguy:] that’s just par the course unfortunately 

[TheFavorite:] i just had to suffer through a 20 minute conversation with a guy who didn’t get the point of Animal Farm by George Orwell and thought it should be banned from schools for being too boring

[#wifeguy:] wow

[TheFavorite:] this is a university i cannot keep having these same conversations i did in highschool 

[TheFavorite:] mom im nuking the place

[betterthanyou:] instructions for a pipe bomb are where they usually are you know that

[retiredadventurer:] this entire family is fucking insane i cannot believe what im reading right now

[TheFavorite:] you know how to read?

[retiredadventurer:] FUCK

[retiredadventurer:] OFF

 

[TheFavorite:] I JUST HAD ANOTHER FUCKING CONVERSATION WITH SOMEONE WHO COMPLAINED ABOUT THE LACK OF POC AUTHORS IN THE EDUCATION SYSTEM BUT REFUSED TO READ RAISIN IN THE SUN BY LORRAINE HANSBERRY OR FENCES BY AUGUST WILSON

[TheFavorite:] I CANNOT KEEP DOING THIS

[kys:] that’s insane

[kys:] i fucking loved those what the hell

[kys:] you should nuke the place

[TheFavorite:] dio i just might

[TheFavorite:] fucking watch me

[Hatingapplessince20xx:] im fucking cryign

[Hatingapplessince20xx:] yesss go off telemachus!!

 


 

[Canyouevenfindtheclit:] Artemis just killed Iphigenia 

[retiredadventurer:] WHAT

[Canyouevenfindtheclit:] on minecraft you fucking idiot

[retiredadventurer:] wait when did artemis have access to the priam server

[Canyouevenfindtheclit:] oh this wasnt on the priam server

[Canyouevenfindtheclit:] it was a public hardcore server that Iphi’s been on for a year

[retiredadventurer:] DAMN

[donotUWUme:] oh thats foul

[donotUWUme:] how did she know it was artemis tho?

[Canyouevenfindtheclit:] five minute deep dive through Apollo’s insta and twitter account

[donotUWUme:] they should just hire teenage girls for the FBI istg they can find anything on anyone

[donotUWUme:] it scares me

[Canyouevenfindtheclit:] this means war

[retiredadventurer:] aren’t we already declaring war

[Canyouevenfindtheclit:] war x2

[retiredadventurer:] lmao

[retiredadventurer:] tight

[Canyouevenfindtheclit:] never say that again

[retiredadventurer:] o7 o7 o7 

[retiredadventurer:] yes ma’am 

 

[#wifeguy:] you think we can leverage Paris’ OF against him

[donotUWUme:] HIS WHAT

[#wifeguy:] here

[donotUWUme:] 

[donotUWUme:] you are the worst person in the history of ever and im going to fucking get you

[#wifeguy:] ;3c

 

[TheFavorite:] wait why did you click it tho

[TheFavorite:] is there something you’re not telling us pat??

[kys:] careful or achilles might get jealous

[donotUWUme:] ALL OF YOU 

[donotUWUme:] ALL OF YOU ARE THE FUCKING WORST

 


 

[betterthanyou:] Who wants to go to the range with me and ody??

[Canyouevenfindtheclit:] not dio??

[betterthanyou:] he’s out at the ranch right now with his horses 

[Hatingapplessince20xx:] he does seem like a horse girl

[Hatingapplessince20xx:] but you know who the real horse girl is??

[betterthanyou:] hector

[Canyouevenfindtheclit:] oh definitely hector

[betterthanyou:] rip the man for being born into the same family as Paris

[Canyouevenfindtheclit:] who the hell even names their kid paris

[Canyouevenfindtheclit:] thats a place not a name  

[betterthanyou:] well… 

[Canyouevenfindtheclit:] if u say some shit about places being named or something i will fight you

[betterthanyou:] lame

[Hatingapplessince20xx:] lets just agree its a stupid name

[Hatingapplessince20xx:] because it is

[Hatingapplessince20xx:] actually it suits him 

[betterthanyou:] anyways any of you wanna come to the range???

[Hatingapplessince20xx:] how far out are you driving?

[betterthanyou:] 

[betterthanyou:] like an hour

[Hatingapplessince20xx:] girl 

[betterthanyou:] its the only one that’ll let us use our bows!!!

[Canyouevenfindtheclit:] i know you have a gun why not use that??

[betterthanyou:] its more fun

[Hatingapplessince20xx:] you just want ody to ogle ur biceps

[betterthanyou:] hey i have great biceps they deserve to be ogled 

[betterthanyou:] u think you can get muscles like that just using a gun? Please  

[Canyouevenfindtheclit:] aaayy get it girl

[Hatingapplessince20xx:] wait dont encourage her she might ditch us again for another week long fuck-cation

[betterthanyou:] is that really catching on

[Canyouevenfindtheclit:] what

[Canyouevenfindtheclit:] fuck-cation??

[betterthanyou:] yes

[Hatingapplessince20xx:] oh totally

[Hatingapplessince20xx:] because its true  

[betterthanyou:] you’re all just jealous

[Hatingapplessince20xx:] extremely 

[Canyouevenfindtheclit:] girl read my user

[betterthanyou:] lmaoo my bad my bad

[betterthanyou:] anyways

[betterthanyou:] range??

[Hatingapplessince20xx:] sure make it a girls day

[Canyouevenfindtheclit:] yeah ditch ody halfway through

[betterthanyou:] no

[Canyouevenfindtheclit:] i shouldve expected that tbh

[Hatingapplessince20xx:] yesss dress up day!!

[betterthanyou:] range first

[Hatingapplessince20xx:] yes yes range first

[Hatingapplessince20xx:] should i bring something???

[betterthanyou:] you want a bow or gun??

[Hatingapplessince20xx:] it can be themed 

[Hatingapplessince20xx:] ill take a bow

[Canyouevenfindtheclit:] yeah sure

[Canyouevenfindtheclit:] haven’t used one in a while

[betterthanyou:] awesome ill pack some for you

[Hatingapplessince20xx:] ugh i love that you guys just have an armory at your place

[Hatingapplessince20xx:] goals honestly

[Canyouevenfindtheclit:] don’t forget the sex dungeon

[Hatingapplessince20xx:] and the sex dungeon!!

[betterthanyou:] lmaooo

[betterthanyou:] alright we’ll pick you up in 20 see u soon!!!

Notes:

Odysseus- [#wifeguy:]
Helen- [Hatingapplessince20xx:]
Menelaus- [Sealyoulater:]
Agamemnon- [Dog:]
Clytemnestra- [Canyouevenfindtheclit:]
Achilles- [retiredadventurer:]
Patroclus- [donotUWUme:]
Diomedes- [kys:]
Penelope-[betterthanyou:]
Telemachus-[TheFavorite:]

Notes:

Odysseus- [#wifeguy:]
Helen- [Hatingapplessince20xx:]
Menelaus- [Sealyoulater:]
Agamemnon- [Dog:]
Clytemnestra- [Canyouevenfindtheclit:]
Achilles- [retiredadventurer:]
Patroclus- [donotUWUme:]
Diomedes- [kys:]
Penelope-[betterthanyou:]
Telemachus-[TheFavorite:]

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