Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Today was shaping up to be a heinous day for Beomgyu. As soon as he woke up, he was hit with a head-splitting headache. To make matters worse, their dorm had just run out of painkillers, and their company scheduled an eight-hour dance practice that day for their upcoming concert. He figured he could just ask their manager for some painkillers when he got to their dorm, but, of course, things got chaotic before they left and he didn’t get to ask in the end. 

He sighed internally. 

Okay, Beomgyu. You can do this! It’s just dance practice until 4pm. You can make it through and then pick up painkillers afterward. You’ll be fine.

He entered the van behind the others as they piled in, tired of their never-ending schedules. 

💙

Beomgyu was not okay. Why did he ever think he could do this? He was into the 2nd hour of their dance practice when his stomach started feeling uneasy. He proceeded to chug his water bottle during whatever break they got, even if it was only for a couple of seconds. 

It was into the 4th hour of their practice that his limbs stopped responding to him. Everything was heavy, from his head to his feet, and he wanted nothing more than for his eyelids to stay shut for the rest of his life after this day. 

His legs lagged behind everyone else as they were dancing to Cat & Dog. 

“Beomgyu, you’re a beat late with your legs.” Their instructor commented, slightly critical of his form. He nodded, before apologizing under his breath. 

Stupid. You can’t even get the leg movements right. What are you even doing here if you can’t take this seriously?   His mind supplied him with insults as he continued to dance. 

💙

Beomgyu hadn’t realized this, but he had been mentally pulling away from the others for the past couple of weeks. After they finished their most recent comeback, he was beyond mentally and physically exhausted from being the group’s mood maker and keeping everyone’s spirit up and lively during the season. Now, they were getting ready for a world tour, and he was already so mentally exhausted from their comeback season he started to isolate himself to work harder so the team could be better. 

The other’s mostly didn’t notice, just thought there were certain times Beomgyu seemed quieter than usual, but nothing too different from the Beomgyu they were used to outside of comeback season. It was only Kai who seemed to notice Beomgyu coming back from his studio later than usual, or staying behind after practice and returning back to their dorm at two or three in the morning. Of course he considered going to the older, to let him talk about what’s on his mind, but opted not to for fear of upsetting his hyung more. 

💙

Hueningkai decided to keep a close eye on his Beomgyu-hyung during their dance practice. He felt something was off with the older when he didn’t speak at all during breakfast, as opposed to his usual bright manner that lit the table with energy. He noticed how the boy struggled during their dance practice as well, which was completely unlike him on days like these. When it came down to it, Beomgyu was a very hard worker, especially when it came to dancing. So, to see him like this was a little disorienting to say the least. 

“Yeonjun-hyung, I’m worried about Beomgyu-hyung. Do you think he’s okay?” Kai voiced his concern during one of their breaks, glancing over to the older worried as he chugged his water bottle and went to refill it. 

“I’m sure he’s fine, don’t worry. He’s probably in just one of his moods. At least he’s not complaining.” Yeonjun quipped, slightly sarcastic tone in his voice as he wiggled his eyebrows. 

Kai slightly sighed, worry still crowding his mind. Yeah. Maybe his Yeonjun-hyung was right. Maybe he should focus on his own dancing instead. 

💙

They were six hours into their eight hour dance practice when Beomgyu felt bile rise in his throat when they took a break. Definitely not a good sign. Finally, they were released for their lunch break in the Hybe building. 

“Wait, Beomgyu, can I talk to you?” Their instructor brought him to the side, Beomgyu nodding silently as he made a mental note to grab more water after their talk. 

He watched the others leave without turning back to wave at him or saying they would wait for him so they could eat together. It wasn’t like he was planning to eat anyway, not when his stomach was churning and on the verge of bursting from the endless hours of practice. He also started feeling dizzy and lightheaded, but he shoved that fact to the back of his mind. 

“I noticed you’re struggling with the older choreography. Did you get injured earlier? Or, did something happen with the others?” She asked, somewhat worried expression on her face.

Beomgyu closed his eyes, head pounding and ears slightly ringing. 

“Beomgyu, why aren’t you answering me? What, too tired to even talk to me? Wow. I see how it is. Just for that, you’re going to stay behind one hour later than the others. I hope you brush up your dancing so you don’t keep dragging your teammates down. Why don’t you stay in here for lunch and practice some more? I’m going to eat my lunch as well.” 

He nodded, not trusting his voice, barely catching the latter part of the sentence as his hearing filtered in and out. She crossed her arms, huffing before leaving the room.

He felt tears burn in his eyes as he thought back to all of his mistakes today, before quickly drying them and turning the music back on. He decided to start from where he messed up first, the choreo of Cat & Dog. He got to the part where he was having trouble earlier and practiced it endlessly, rewinding back and going forward countless times. It has to be perfect. He can’t let his members down. He can’t let MOA down. He practiced the same part until the familiar feeling of bile rose in his throat. He audibly gagged, holding his hand over his mouth before running to the closest bathroom. He emptied his bowels dizzyingly, body curling over the toilet seat as his lungs burned with a new kind of ache. 

Draped over the toilet, he patted the ground for his phone, not bearing to lift his head. As his senses dulled and dizzied, he closed his eyes as tightly as he could, so as not to pass out from the pain. He breathed heavily as he felt more bile rise in his throat, before emptying his bowels once more. He didn’t look into the toilet. He didn’t dare to, for fear of seeing something he was not supposed to see. 

He opened his eyes once more to find his dizzying surroundings had finally become still, and the bile once rising in his throat had fully settled in the acid of his stomach. His breathing had not shallowed out quite yet, but Beomgyu pushed that fact to the side for now. He was out of the woods, for now, and that was what mattered the most to him. 

💙

It seemed Beomgyu was in the bathroom for quite a while, for when he got back the instructor and others were already there, stretching and becoming energized for the last two hours of their practice. He felt their silent glares in the back of his fever-ridden mind as he walked to get into his starting position for 0X1=LOVESONG. 

As the music blasted through the speakers, his limbs felt heavy, immoveable, just like earlier. Tears burned in his eyes as he focused on his reflection in the mirror. 

Why can’t you do anything right?

You’re just slowing the others down.

You’re useless. Worthless. Why did you even join the group in the first place? 

He quieted his thoughts as his part rang through the speakers and tried his best to sing and dance to his part, proving to be quite the struggle for the sick boy. 

Soon, they were about halfway through all of the choreos of their first full-length album, yet Beomgyu was still struggling to power through. His limbs had become sloth-like as his body demanded more from him with their high-energy choreographies. After they had finished the choreography for Magic, Beomgyu felt the bile rise in his throat once more. Here we go again. The only difference was that he was much more worn out, and after they finished the choreo for No Rules he asked to go to the bathroom, emptying his bowels once more. 

Why did I think I could do this today? It’s too much. I need to call manager-hyung. 

He reached for his phone in his pocket only to realize he left it in the practice room. Shit. He felt tears well up in his eyes as he tried to stand up from the toilet, sweaty hands causing him to slip on the seat. His limbs shook heavily as he kept trying to stand up. Somehow, by the grace of god and incredible upper body strength, he was able to get up and walk out of the stall. He stopped at the sink, splashing some water on his face before returning to practice. 

💙

As he walked back to the practice room, his limbs became more numb as he continued to walk. He felt tears swell in his eyes as his pain receptors heightened, every cell in his body screaming at him. Tears poured down his cheeks as he closed in on the practice room, going to open the door only to overhear his members’ conversation.

“Honestly, if he’s just going to fool around, why even be here?” Taehyun criticized, annoyed tone in his voice. 

“He’s really dragging us down today. We should just continue without him.” Soobin quipped unamusingly, causing Kai to scowl as he looked at the older. 

“Yeah! Come on guys, let’s just practice without him.” Yeonjun energetically agreed, Beomgyu’s heart splitting in response. 

I was right…I’m just dragging them down. 

Tears burned down his cheeks like embers to a flame. He paced to the elevator, arms burning as he propped himself against the wall. He proceeded to pace himself down to his private studio without a thought, before locking himself in and collapsing against the door, sobbing his little, fragile heart out. 

He brought his knees to his chest, cries not letting up as the oxygen around him seemingly lessened with every cry from his chest. He writhed in pain as his headache spiked, the boy clutching his head tightly, begging for it to stop. His vision started to black as his breathing shallowed, ache creeping into his bones as he slowly leaned further against the door, before fully blacking out, laying across the foot of the door. 

💙

After an hour of continuing practice without Beomgyu, Kai was extremely worried. None of the others seemed to care where he was, they just wanted to finish practice. Finally, he decided to speak up, deciding he had enough of their pettiness and annoyance. 

“Aren’t any of you concerned about where Beomgyu-hyung is at all?!” He slightly yelled, critical tone in his voice as he faced the others. 

“He’s probably just goofing around somewhere. Come on Kai, practice is almost over. Let’s just get this over with and go home.” Yeonjun easily brushed off Kai’s concern, confident tone in his voice. 

“Seriously?! What if something bad happened to him?” 

“Kai, he’s an adult. He can take care of himself. He probably just went back to the dorm, don’t worry.” Taehyun rationalized, easy smile on his face, crossing his arms.

“Come on, Kai. There’s only three choreo’s left. Then we can go back to the dorm and talk with Beomgyu.” Soobin smiled, laying his hand on Kai’s shoulder. 

The maknae felt distraught. His gut was telling him that something was wrong with his Beomgyu-hyung, but his other hyung’s were just shaking it off like it was nothing. Who should he listen to in this situation? 

“Kai. I promise we’ll search for him after we’re done. Okay?” Soobin smiled, facing the maknae with a reassuring expression on his face. 

Kai hesitantly nodded, before getting into position for the last three songs. 

💙

Once they finally finished the last three songs for their concert lineup, their instructor dismissed them and left the practice room. Kai took it upon himself to grab Beomgyu’s bag and look for him in the bathroom in the very off chance that he was still there; spoiler alert, as Kai guessed, he was not. 

“Come on Kai. Let’s go home.” Yeonjun smiled, waving the boy on. 

“You’re sure he’s at home?” Kai ran out of the stall, looking toward his Soobin-hyung worriedly. 

Soobin nodded reassuringly, “He probably just needed to let off some steam. Come on, let’s go.” 

Kai nodded hesitantly, before looking forward and rushing toward the elevator. 

When they got back to their dorm, Kai quickly slipped his shoes off to go into Beomgyu’s room. When he opened the door, the lights were off and there was a lump under Beomgyu’s blanket. He smiled relievedly, before deciding to wake his hyung up so they could cuddle together. When he lightly poked at the figure underneath Beomgyu’s blanket, it did not move even an inch. 

Kai’s eyebrows silently furrowed, “Hyungie? Are you okay?” He lifted the blanket to reveal two pillows shaped exactly like a human. His eyes silently widened, thinking maybe he went to sleep in another room?   He pouted, rising from the floor before checking to see if he was in any of their beds. 

To Kai’s surprise, he wasn’t in any of them. Maybe he went to the bathroom?   He checked their shared bathroom only to find a half-naked Yeonjun getting into the shower. Now he was really worried.

He checked the others’ rooms once more, just in case he missed the older boy by chance, but had no luck in finding his Beomgyu-hyung. He felt tears swell in his eyes as he entered the living room, gazing at his Soobin-hyung as the older watched a drama on TV. 

“Soobin-hyung, I can’t find Beomgyu-hyung anywhere.” He slightly whispered, despair crowding the edges of his voice. 

“Have you tried calling him?” Soobin asked, not taking his eyes off of the TV. 

“Ah, right!” Kai smiled, pulling his phone out and opening his contacts. He called the older, Beomgyu’s familiar ringtone of Wishlist immediately filled his ears, the boy looking around before realizing it was coming from Beomgyu’s bag. 

“He left his phone in his bag, Soobin-hyung…” Kai pouted, sighing slightly. 

“Oh, okay. Maybe he’s still at the company then.” Soobin said absentmindedly, still staring at the drama on the TV. 

Kai’s fists bunched into themselves as his chest swelled with anger at his hyungs’ lack of utter care for Beomgyu. 

“I’m gonna go look for him.” He huffed, heading toward the front door and slipping his shoes on once more. 

“Okay. Have fun.”

💙

Once Kai arrived at the company once again, he ran out of their van, desperate to find his Beomgyu-hyung. To begin with, he searched all of the places his Beomgyu-hyung could be in the company. He decided to try Beomgyu’s studio first. He hurriedly pressed the second floor button in the elevator, tapping his leg as the elevator went up. Once he arrived, he sped down the hall, reaching Beomgyu’s studio in record time. 

He unlocked it with the passcode Beomgyu showed him when he was first placed in the studio and opened the door. Immediately, the door was stopped by some sort of object in its path. When Kai bent to investigate the object, he soon realized it was a person.

“B–Beomgyu-hyung?” He whispered, heart curling in his chest. 

The body remained lifeless on the floor, Kai crouching down shakily. He pushed the door open more, ever so slightly so he was able to see the figure’s hair. It was jet black– just like Beomgyu’s . 

“Beomgyu-hyung!” Kai pushed the door open further before grabbing his hyung’s shoulders and shaking them lightly. 

“Beomgyu-hyung! Wake up! Hyung, please! Wake up! Beomgyu-hyung!!” Kai cried, eyes filling with fat tears as they tracked down his cheeks. He shakily lifted his unconscious hyung into his arms, before grabbing his phone from his pocket and dialing emergency services. 

“Hyung, you’re gonna be okay. I promise. Just–just stay with me. Please, Beomgyu-hyung.” He cried as the other side of the line dialed, shaking as his hyung stood unconscious in his arms. 

🩵

When Beomgyu awoke once more, the scent of saline filled his senses, the boy peeling his eyes open as a blinding light caused him to squint back. Oh, did I die?   He groaned softly, eyes blinking close, I hope not. The others would probably be mad. Maybe even sad. 

His eyes squinted open once more, the boy fighting against the current of sleep threatening to overtake him. A groan arose from the back of his throat, the scent of saline growing stronger as his fingers twitched and his arm seared in pain. He gasped out, squeaking as he grimaced, tears swelling in his eyes and quickly falling from them. He was soon made aware of the weight laying on the right side of his body, shakily breathing out as his whole body ached. More tears fell from his eyes as his body ached and seared from the poignant pressure their practice put on him.

When he awoke once more, his senses were now dulled and the pain was finally bearable. He took in his surroundings, realizing he was now in a private hospital room. He blinked to the side, silently gazing at Kai as he slept on the older’s arm. Beomgyu softened, numb fingers stretching out and rubbing against the boy’s cheek softly. He closed his eyes once more, relaxing as he smiled softly. Kai silently stirred awake, opening his eyes before yawning softly. He immediately gazed at Beomgyu, the older still smiling as his eyes rested. 

“Beomgyu-hyung?” Kai spoke softly, carefully, for fear of waking the boy up and incurring his pain more. 

Beomgyu peeled his eyes open once again, fingers stretching out as he blinked his gaze over to Kai. The maknae flinched silently, eyes welling with tears as the older’s smile widened. 

“Beomgyu-hyung! I was so worried! Please… please forgive me, hyung. I–I’m so sorry. I–” 

“Kai, Kai. It’s okay. I’m okay now. Hyungie’s right here. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for scaring you like that. Hyungie’s okay now, I promise.” Beomgyu’s voice came out garbled as lifted his hand to the younger’s cheek, smiling as he rubbed Kai’s cheek. 

“S–still. I’m sorry I never noticed. Or…stopped the others from talking. I should’ve stood by your side, hyung. Especially when you were this sick. I’m so sorry, Beomgyu-hyung.” Kai dried his eyes guiltily, sniffling softly as he spoke. 

Beomgyu slightly huffed out, remembering back to the scene of his members continuing on without him in practice. It still stung, but Beomgyu wasn’t mad at Kai. How could he be when the younger was crying for him like this? 

“I’m not gonna lie. It hurt…it still kinda does…but it’s not your fault. It’s really my fault for letting it get this bad and not telling anyone.” Beomgyu smiled, slightly ducking his head to his chest as he became slightly embarrassed and ashamed he let it get this bad. 

They both sat for a moment in silence, unspoken words hanging in the atmosphere, including the burning questions gnawing away at Beomgyu: where are the others? and are they mad? 

It seemed to be gnawing away at Kai as well, because the next sentences the maknae uttered gave Beomgyu all the answers he needed. 

“I didn’t know if…you’d want to see the others…so I didn’t call them. But…honestly, I don’t want to see them much either. They pissed me off today. If you wanna see them, that’s fine. Just know I’m not gonna talk to them until they properly apologize.” 

Beomgyu stared at Kai’s pout silently for a moment, before smiling widely and grabbing his hand. It endeared him how the boy got so mad on his behalf. It seemed like Kai held enough anger for the both of them in the way he was so defensive when talking about the others. 

“Aigoo…is my baby Kai worried about his hyungie? Aigoo…what a cutie. Don’t worry, hyung can take care of himself! Now, come on, let’s cuddle for a little bit.” Beomgyu scooched over to the left side of his bed, patting it carefully as Kai smiled and scooched next to his hyung on his bed. He quickly snuggled into the crook of his neck, smiling and closing his eyes. 

“Let’s just stay like this for a while. Without the others.” Beomgyu whispered, Kai nodding silently in response as his smile slightly widened. 

🩵

“Beomgyu-ssi was running a very high fever earlier, but seems to be improving greatly. The natural vitamins in his body were very low though, and he had very high blood pressure, to the point where he was close to having a heart attack. We put him on a natural solution the hospital provides so his vitamin levels should even out within the next few days. I suspect the reason he had high blood pressure is because of stress and overwork, so he needs full and complete rest for the next week before he can resume his activities at all.” The doctor explained, closing his file and smiling tiredly. 

“I’ll let the company know. Thank you, sir.” Their manager smiled just as tiredly, before sighing and facing both boys. 

“Do the others know?” Beomgyu immediately asked, nervousness crowding his tone. 

“Yeah. I let them know a while ago. They said they have something to do so they’ll take a while to get here.” Their manager nodded, careful tone in his voice as he seemed to sense the tension between the two boys in the hospital room and the rest of the group. 

“Okay. Thanks, manager-hyung. You can go back home for the night since they want to keep me here until tomorrow.” Beomgyu smiled, rubbing Kai’s finger as the maknae intermittently closed his eyes. 

“Mm. Feel better, okay?” Their manager nodded, genuine tone in his voice. 

Beomgyu nodded silently, flush against Kai’s side as his smile lessened ever so slightly. He silently closed his eyes, relaxing before slowly creeping toward a good night’s sleep. 

🩵

“Aigoo…my poor baby Beomgyu is sick~” Soobin slammed the door open, holding two massive gift baskets in his arms, both with bear-themes, matching Beomgyu’s representative animal. The boy had taken a shine to it after debut, so it was a nice sentiment. 

Beomgyu flinched awake, blinking lethargically before gazing at the older setting the baskets on the couch in his room and worriedly pacing toward Beomgyu, comically sticking his lips out as he went to playfully kiss the younger. Beomgyu silently huffed, turning his back to his hyung and closing his eyes, snuggling in further with Kai. Soobin stopped in his tracks, before silently disappointing, pouting before returning to the couch pitifully to recover his ego. 

“You were rejected, huh? Wow, I actually feel sorry for you.” Yeonjun playfully quipped, smirk on his face as he set his bags from the convenience store next to the gift baskets, Soobin now slinked over the couch. He did not have the energy to deal with them and their drama right now. 

“Is he really asleep?” Taehyun asked, genuine curiosity filling his expression as he walked into the room with his hands behind his back. 

“Looks like it.” Yeonjun slightly whispered, seemingly next to Beomgyu. 

“Well, what are we gonna do with this, then?” Taehyun whispered, holding out whatever was behind his back. Beomgyu fought back the urge to peel his eyes open and check. 

“Leave it on the chair over there.” Soobin instructed, now whispering as well for the two sleeping members. Beomgyu slowly felt himself falling into a deeper lull of sleep. 

“What should we do? Just go home?” Yeonjun questioned next, volume still the same as before. 

“We just got here, though.” Taehyun complained, a slight pout in his voice. 

“Can you three shut up? Beomgyu-hyung and I are trying to sleep here. Sleep on the floor for all I care.” Kai interrupted their conversation, a dark, annoyed tone in his voice.

A moment of silence filled the air. Beomgyu smiled as silently as he could. 

“Just sleep.” Soobin whispered, the others finding spots in the room to rest. 

💙

When Beomgyu awoke the next morning, his ears were immediately filled with hostile yells and confrontational shouts. 

“Don’t ever talk about Beomgyu-hyung like that again!” Kai yelled, hands bunched into fists as he lunged towards Taehyun defensively. 

“It’s not like it wasn’t true! He’s getting so annoying with his dark, broody routine!” Taehyun yelled back, holding Kai’s fists with his own hands as he was pushed against the back of the chair in the corner of the room. 

Beomgyu’s eyes instantly widened, tears abruptly swelling in them as he stood up in his bed. 

“Stop it, you two!” Soobin tried intervening, but it was no use as the two were stuck in their own little bubble. 

“Take it back!” Kai lunged forward, voice growling as Soobin tried pulling the maknae away from Taehyun. 

“Guys, stop!” Soobin closed his eyes, trying to pull Kai off of Taehyun as well as he could. 

“Guys!” Yeonjun’s interjecting, booming voice caused everyone to stop in their tracks. They all silently looked at him, then to where his gaze rested. 

A silent tear streamed down Beomgyu’s cheek, the boy wearing a far-off, slightly numb expression. Everyone froze as Beomgyu’s gaze fell to his lap. 

“Out.” He mumbled, embarrassment and shame rising to the surface of his expression. 

“What, Beomgyu? What’d you say?” Soobin asked, softly, for fear of upsetting him more. 

“Everyone. Out. Now.” He yelled, eyes still trained to his lap as his overgrown bangs shadowed over his eyes. 

“Hyung–” Kai spoke softly, kindly, just like he always spoke toward the older. 

“Everyone.” He faced Kai, a hurt, vicious expression at his helm as tears stained his bottom eyelashes. 

The boys hesitantly left the room, Kai turning around, slight pout on his face, before sighing out and shutting the door.

Beomgyu sighed out audibly as he clutched his hand over his forehead and his headache spiked, the boy closing his eyes as he focused on his breathing. He slowly opened his eyes once again, sighing out as his headache lessened, before turning to the chair in the corner of the room, some kind of present under a sheet sitting on the floor. His eyebrows silently furrowed, the boy flipping the covers on his bed before slowly walking over to the present, IV pole in his left hand as he leaned on all of it with all the strength present in his body. 

He breathed heavily, fever seemingly rising once more as he made his way over to the chair. He crouched to the floor, still breathing heavily as he lifted the sheet over the present. He flinched back, eyes widening as he gazed at Toto perching in his cage silently. Tears slowly formed in his eyes, the sick boy standing there in disbelief as he opened the door of the cage, letting Toto hop onto his finger and fly to his shoulder. He softly laughed, closing his eyes as tears fell from them, fresh new tears immediately adorning them.

“This isn’t fair. Now I have to forgive them, Toto.” He whispered, rubbing his cheek against Toto’s feathers with a slightly pained expression on his face.

🩵

“I didn’t expect it to be this bad when you called me for the first time in three months. You okay? You look like you got run over by a bus.” Jeongin smirked as he walked into the room, a sarcastic tone in his voice as he walked closer to Beomgyu with bags in both hands. 

“It feels that way. You know the only way I can stay on bedrest is by staying here. Anyway, did you bring the stuff I asked for?” 

“Mm-hm. What would you have done without me, your best friend, to bring you all the things you need in the hospital?” Jeongin beamed, classic sarcasm on full display as it was evident he was trying to cheer Beomgyu up. 

“I would’ve managed. Thank you though, dear best friend.” Beomgyu sarcastically replied back, teasing smirk on his face as he faced his friend. Jeongin slightly laughed, before handing Beomgyu the bags and sitting on the chair next to them. 

“Do you mind grabbing those bags of snacks on the table over there?” Beomgyu pointed, silently pleading with Jeongin. The boy simply stood up, carrying both and setting them down on Beomgyu’s laugh somewhat forcibly, causing Beomgyu to let out a small oof, before proceeding to look in. As he expected, it was filled with his favorite snacks from when he was a trainee. 

He dug into a bag of honey butter chips, offering a couple to Jeongin before conversing lightly with the boy. Once they finished the bag, Beomgyu slightly sighed, worries weighing on his mind. He faced Jeongin seriously, before his eyes trailed to his lap. 

“Jeongin…I think I seriously messed up.” He muttered mostly to himself, but just loud enough so the other could hear. 

“I’m sure it’s not as bad as you think. They’re probably just sulking around your dorm ‘cause you kicked them out.” Jeongin smiled, peeling an apple expertly. 

“That’s not what I mean. I’m sure they’re sick of me dragging them down.”  

Jeongin looked at Beomgyu, setting the apple on a plate, “Did someone say that to you? That you were dragging them down?” 

“The dance instructor. And…Soobin-hyung.” Beomgyu slightly whispered, eyes falling to his lap. Jeongin’s eyes silently widened, overly confused expression on his face. It was one thing for the dance instructor to say that, but Soobin as well? It was clear Beomgyu was upset, but Jeongin now felt like he understood why. Beomgyu valued his members more than anything in this world, of course some dreadful and untimely comments would hurt him. 

“Oh. I see. I’m sorry they said that. Do…you wanna talk about it?” Jeongin offered, sincere tone in his voice. 

“No, that’s okay. It’s not like they were lying anyway.” Beomgyu smiled, a sad smile tugging at his lips as his eyes stayed trained to his lap. 

“You know you can’t take what they said to heart. It was probably an impulsive comment, something in the moment. I’m sure they didn’t…mean it.” Jeongin rationalized, Beomgyu facing his friend with a smile, causing Jeongin to pause before continuing on. 

“I know. I just…can’t help wondering what would happen if I left.” Beomgyu rubbed his cheek against Toto’s feathers, the bird hopping on his shoulder to move closer to the boy, as if sensing his pain. The bird snuggled against his neck, Beomgyu feeling warmed by the presence. 

Jeongin stayed silent, slightly pained expression on his face as he continued to stare at Beomgyu. Silence filled the air between them, atmosphere heavy with a new kind of tension. 

Beomgyu’s eyes silently widened, “Y–Yah, you should get going. Don’t you have vocal practice soon?” He looked at Jeongin, hoping he would take the bait. 

Jeongin looked at his phone, before hesitantly nodding to himself. 

“Y–Yeah. I should get going. Feel better soon, okay? Text me if you need anything.” Jeongin stood up, hesitant smile on his face as he grabbed his bag and trailed toward the door. Beomgyu nodded silently, before waving goodbye to his friend, smile still leftover on his face. 

🩵

A soft, gentle knock reverberated through Beomgyu’s room, the sick boy looking up from his phone silently. Boy was he happy Soobin had the good sense to bring his phone from the dorm before their fight. He slightly grimaced, silently backtracking on his earlier decision to tell Kai to come see him. He sighed out, rubbing Toto’s head silently. 

“Come in.” 

Kai entered, a guilty expression on his face as he walked closer to the bed and sat next to the older.  

“Hyung, I’m sorry. I didn’t want you to see–” 

“Kai. Let me talk first.” Beomgyu interrupted the boy, Kai nodding silently, somewhat hesitantly as his grimace lessened, ever so slightly. 

“First, I’m not mad at you. Thank you.” He shook his head as he spoke, before facing Kai seriously. The boy’s grimace lessened once again, now trained on a serious expression. 

“Kai. I’m an adult. I can take care of myself. I can fight my own battles, you don’t have to fight them for me. You don’t have to defend me to the others, you don’t have to protect me. Just be the bright, cheerful, loving maknae you are. That’s what I want from you. Can you keep doing that for me?” Beomgyu smiled gently, grabbing Kai’s hand softly and rubbing it. 

“I…I’m so sorry, hyung. Taehyun was just being so mean– and– I just couldn’t take him talking about you like that.” Kai shook his head, eyes welling with tears as he laced his fingers in Beomgyu’s and leaned closer into the boy’s proximity. 

“Don’t blame Taehyun. I…haven’t been the best to be around after our last comeback.” Beomgyu shook his head, slightly shameful expression on his face. 

“But you were going through something, hyung. It’s not like we don’t all have our slumps. Plus, you’re sick! You’re so sick you have to stay here until next week when none of us have ever had to stay at the hospital that long.” Kai immediately rationalized, more tears welling in his eyes. 

Beomgyu looked at Kai, seriously for a moment, before smiling and nodding. 

“I’m trying to get better for the others. I’m gonna try and be a better hyung too. Okay?” 

“You’re already a great hyung. You’re my favorite hyung.” Kai got up from his chair, proceeding to push himself next to Beomgyu as the older scooched over. He snuggled into Beomgyu’s neck, resting his head on the older’s shoulder as Beomgyu rubbed his thumb over Kai’s hand. 

“Don’t let the others hear you say that.” Beomgyu spoke, smile evident in his tone. 

“Personally, I couldn’t care less about what they think.” Kai huffed, annoyance toward them still evident in his tone. 

“Don’t be too mad at them, Kai. You know they have good intentions.” Beomgyu closed his eyes, still rubbing Kai’s hand with his thumb. 

“But still! They made you feel…isolated. Right?” Kai asked, grimace re-forming on his face. 

Beomgyu’s eyes silently widened as he looked at the maknae, before he smiled and ruffled his hair playfully. 

“Aigoo…when did my Kai become so attentive of his hyung?” Beomgyu teased, trying to lift the atmosphere of their conversation. 

“I’ve always been attentive, hyung! You just haven’t noticed.” Kai pouted, sulky tone in his voice. 

“Kai? How did you know I was there when the others were talking?” Beomgyu spoke softly, question gnawing away at him despite the haze of sleep now surrounding him. 

“I saw your silhouette through the door. I’m so sorry, hyung.” 

“It’s okay,” Beomgyu whispered, slowly closing his eyes. 

“Hyung?”

“Mm?”

“I’m sorry they hurt your feelings. You never deserved that.” Kai closed his eyes as Beomgyu laid his head on Kai’s shoulder. 

“Thanks, Kai.” Beomgyu whispered, fully falling asleep on the boy’s shoulder. 

🩵

Little did the pair know that the other members were standing outside with a whole new set of gifts, intending on apologizing for the display from yesterday. 

Soobin dropped the bag full of Beomgyu’s clothes, eyes swelling with fat tears as his mouth trembled. He immediately turned around, running down the hall, away from Beomgyu, and Kai, and that room where his heart was split by his own misdeeds. Yeonjun watched Soobin run away worriedly, before turning back to Taehyun, the younger wearing a grimace, as if disgusted by his unnecessary comments. He set his gift of red ginseng down, before silently walking down the hallway Soobin was in not too long ago. Yeonjun looked in between Taehyun leaving and the door of Beomgyu’s room, debating whether to follow him home or stay and fix the damage he had made within Beomgyu. He was tempted to choose the former. 

And yet, he picked their gifts up, before knocking on the door softly and sliding it open. There Beomgyu and Kai laid, both sleeping peacefully. Toto sat upon his perch in his cage, grooming his feathers. Yeonjun sighed out, laying the bag of Beomgyu’s clothes on his couch and the red ginseng on the table. He sighed once more, getting ready to leave before a voice stopped him. 

“Yeonjun-hyung?” Beomgyu awoke, eyes blinking open as he yawned. 

“A–Ah, Beomgyu. It’s okay, uh, go back to sleep. I’ll come back later.” Yeonjun turned around from the table, nervous tone in his voice as he urged the younger to continue sleeping. 

“N–No, wait! Can we…talk?” Beomgyu stopped the older, Yeonjun flinching silently. 

Yeonjun hesitantly nodded, bringing the chair on the right side of the bed to the left. He sat down, breathing out carefully before facing Beomgyu seriously. 

“I–I’m sorry, hyung.” Beomgyu began the conversation, serious tone in his voice. 

“W–what are you saying? Why are you apologizing to me when I should be apologizing to you?” Yeonjun shook his head, tender tone in his voice as his eyes welled with silent tears. 

Beomgyu silently looked at the older boy, confused expression on his face. 

“I–I didn’t look out for you. And I’ve been a shitty role model, and I said horrible stuff about you that I didn’t mean– that I could never mean– but that doesn’t excuse what I said anyway, and I didn’t think about how you might be feeling, and I hurt you, and–” Yeonjun broke down, tears falling to his cheeks as his eyes automatically produced new ones. 

“Hyung, hyung! It’s okay. You don’t have to feel guilty over that anymore. It’s okay. I’m not mad at you. S–sure…it hurt…but that doesn’t make you a bad hyung. I still love you and the other members more than anything. Nothing’s going to change that.” Beomgyu laid both of his hands on Yeonjun’s cheeks, smiling as he stopped his hyung’s tears in their tracks. 

“B–but, I said such horrible things yesterday and you didn’t deserve that. I–” Yeonjun shook his head, more tears pushing out of the tips of his eyes. 

“Hyung. I forgive you. So stop worrying and just be my hyung again. Okay?” Beomgyu smiled, snapping Yeonjun back into focus. Yeonjun looked at Beomgyu seriously for a moment, before nodding silently, hugging the boy as tightly as he could. 

“Okay.” He whispered, warm smile on his face as he closed his eyes once more. 

🩵

When Beomgyu woke back up, Kai was silently playing with the ends of his bangs, absentminded expression on his face. 

“What are you thinking?” Beomgyu asked softly, Kai blinking his unfocused gaze toward the older boy silently. 

“Just…why they’re not here.” Kai sighed, laying back down next to Beomgyu as his eyebrows furrowed. Beomgyu smiled silently. Despite all the talk and fake bravado, Kai still loved them. 

“Yeonjun-hyung said something came up at the company that they had to take care of.” Beomgyu patted the boy’s hair, painkillers starting to wear off. 

“Still. Those two would find some kind of excuse to get out of work to see you.” Kai huffed, pout evident on his lips. 

“Let’s just give them some time. I’m sure they’ll come to visit soon.” 

Kai nodded silently, serious expression on his face, before snuggling back into his hyung. 

💙

Soobin and Taehyun did not end up visiting Beomgyu in the hospital after that day. 

And, before they knew it, Beomgyu was being discharged. Soobin and Taehyun did come to help with that. Whether it was by Yeonjun’s suggestion or Kai’s threat to drown all of their clothes in the lake by their dorm, no one would know. 

“Hyung, come on. We need to pack up, discharge is soon.” Kai shook the older awake, tired expression on his face. 

Beomgyu lightly groaned, leg muscle aching from the lack of movement. 

“My leg hurts…” He groaned out, grimace on his face. 

“Again? Here, tell me if this helps.” Kai asked, genuinely concerned for his hyung’s wellbeing. He lifted the boy’s hospital gown, massaging his shin and lower leg. 

“A–Ah! No, just stop. I’ll just walk it off.” The boy’s grimace deepened, causing him to sit up and bring his legs to the floor. 

“Okay. Just be careful, hyung. We don’t want it to spasm again.” Kai cautioned, the older boy nodding as he hobbled towards his bags. 

“Alright, let’s get outta here!” Yeonjun barged in, usual bright smile on his face. 

“Beomgyu-hyung’s muscles hurt again, though. Maybe they should keep him for–” Kai worried, just like an overbearing mother with no medical expertise. 

“Nah, it’s just ‘cause he rested too long. You’ll be fine once you get dancing again! Right, Beomgyu?” Yeonjun easily brushed Kai’s concerns away, laying his hand on Beomgyu’s shoulder with a confident expression on his face. 

“Yeah, I’m already feeling better, Kai. Come on, help me pack so we can get out of here.” Beomgyu smiled reassuringly toward the boy, before turning back to his bag. 

“Okay. As long as you’re sure, Beomgyu-hyung.” Kai hesitantly nodded, smiling as he went to help Beomgyu pack. 

“Yah, you two should help too.” Yeonjun pointed to the two still in the doorway, sitting down on the couch next to Beomgyu and cleaning the leftover of one of the gift baskets from Soobin. 

“Y–Yeah.” Soobin hesitantly stepped in, blush on his cheeks and eyes slightly sunk from his nights dealing with his recurring insomnia. 

Taehyun silently made his way into the room, picking up the trash and bunching it up. 

Once they were done, Beomgyu stood up with a smile, stretching his arms over his head. 

“Let’s get out of here before I stay another week.” Beomgyu joked, easy, light tone in his voice. 

“It’s about time.” Taehyun muttered under his breath, nonchalant expression on his face as he crossed his arms over his chest. 

“What did you say?” Kai’s ears immediately perked, the boy turning around with an appalled expression on his face. Uh oh. 

“Kai…”

“Taehyun…” 

Beomgyu and Soobin called the boys at the same time, stern tones in both of their voices. 

“Do you want him to stay?   What, you don’t wanna see him because it’ll make you feel guilty for hurting him? Is that it? God, you’re so selfish .” Kai scoffed, crossing his arms defensively. 

“Kai, that’s enough.” Beomgyu set his bag down, standing in front of the boy with a serious expression on his face. 

“Me, selfish? That’s rich coming from you. Who was it that made the rest of us miss a week of preparations for our album, which means we’ll have double the workload starting tomorrow? Oh right, you.” Taehyun raised his voice, walking over to Kai as his fists bunched together. 

“Taehyun, that’s no way to speak to him.” Soobin grabbed his wrist, the boy immediately trying to break free of the leader’s grasp. 

“I’ll apologize once he admits he did this out of spite because we hurt his precious Beomgyu-hyung.” Taehyun taunted, nose wrinkling as his wrist broke free from Soobin’s grasp. 

“That’s ridiculous! Why would he do that?” Yeonjun shook his head, trying to interject the maknae’s impending fight. 

“Because he’s in love with Beomgyu-hyung.” Taehyun spoke pointedly, eyes instantly widening as his words registered in his mind.

Kai silently flinched, head falling to his feet as his eyes widened. His heart crinkled like a piece of paper. Suddenly he couldn’t breathe without crying.

A slap reverberated through the room, stunning everyone. Kai silently looked at Taehyun, the other member of the maknae line holding his hand over his cheek with a surprised expression on his face.

“Apologize to Kai, right now.” Beomgyu’s voice came out with a stern, cold tone. 

Taehyun silently walked to Kai’s vicinity, the maknae looking at him shakily as tears formed in his eyes. 

“I’m…sorry, Kai. That wasn’t right. And I’m sorry for calling you selfish.” Taehyun looked regretful, genuinely sorry, but none of that mattered to Kai anymore. 

“Don’t talk to me ever again.” The maknae muttered, spite and vengeance evident in his tone as his lips curled into a bitter frown. 

He pushed past Taehyun’s shoulder, before running out of the hospital room silently. 

“Kai!” Beomgyu called his name before running after him worriedly. 

🩵

“Kai, wait!” Beomgyu followed Kai up the staircases, muscles aching but his determination stronger.

“Don’t follow me, Beomgyu-hyung!” He pushed the door to the roof open, walking to the edge quickly as tears fell from his eyes.

“Please, wait! Just look at me!” Beomgyu grabbed Kai’s wrist, twirling the boy around. He instantly softened as Kai faced him with tears in his eyes. He instantly determined himself, leading the boy by the wrist to a more private area of the roof. Beomgyu led the boy to the nearest bench, sitting down, simultaneously pulling the boy down with him as he dried his eyes with his arm. They both sat in silence for a moment, Kai’s eyes trained to his lap as his mouth quivered and his hand intertwined with Beomgyu’s heated up instantly. 

“Kai. Look at me.” Beomgyu gently glided his face to his gaze with his finger under Kai’s chin, the boy holding back sobs. He instantly turned his face away from Beomgyu’s, the older looking at the ground seriously. 

“Kai. When I first met you, I thought you were a star. You were a star that shone so brightly, so powerfully. After I got to know you, I wanted to do whatever it took to make sure your light never went out. Even if it meant you had to abandon me in the process. But then…after we debuted, I wanted more. For you and me. I wanted to be a star that shone right next to your side, forever. Even at the risk of one of us falling or burning out. I wanted that more than anything.” Beomgyu’s hand tightened against Kai’s, the maknae looking down at their hands, before looking at his hyung. 

“You know I’m no good with these sorts of things. I can never seem to find the right words to convey how I truly feel. But…I guess what I’m trying to say is…” Beomgyu looked at Kai, flinching as a blush danced across his cheeks. 

“I love you too, Kai.” He smiled, speaking ever so softly, eyes glistening with unshed tears as he dried Kai’s tears with his thumbs. He brought both of his hands to Kai’s warm cheeks, the boy still crying steadily, softly, as he closed his eyes. Beomgyu kissed the younger’s forehead, Kai’s heart exploding with fireworks as more tears slipped out of his eyes. 

“I love you so much, Beomgyu-hyung.” Kai whispered, eyes still closed as he couldn’t seem to stop the tears from falling. 

“I love you too, baby.” Beomgyu kissed him on the lips, softly, warmly, before continuing, “Now, come on. Let’s go home.” 

Kai nodded silently, shy smile on his face as Beomgyu stood up with their still-intertwined hands. They both walked back to his room, fresh blushes on both of their faces. 

🩵

“Without further ado, I will now start the intervention between one Kang Taehyun and Huening Kai.” Beomgyu pointed to each boy, comically serious tone in his voice. 

“Here are the rules for this intervention. First, no fists shall be raised by either participant during the course of this intervention. Second, we will all talk calmly and eloquently, one at a time. No yelling over each other. Third, you will never speak out of turn. Are these rules clear?” 

It was now Beomgyu’s third day home from the hospital. The tension between Taehyun and Kai had only grown since then, and while these past three days with Beomgyu had been like a dream to Kai, he couldn’t ignore Taehyun anymore. 

“Yes, hyung.” Kai pouted, folding his hands together as he sat next to Taehyun on the couch.

Taehyun silently nodded, crossing his arms over his chest with a small pout. 

“Taehyun, use your words.” Beomgyu spoke, unamused tone in his voice.

“Why are you leading this?” 

“Why’d you say it like that? He’s just trying to help you, you know.” Kai immediately defended his boyfriend, crossing his arms across his chest defensively. 

“Love, what did I say about speaking out of turn?” Beomgyu scolded his boyfriend, crossing his arms with a slightly disappointed expression on his face. 

“Sorry, hyung.” Kai pouted, slouching against the couch. 

“Okay. First, to answer your question Taehyun, I’m leading because this all started because of me and I have a responsibility.” 

Taehyun slightly sighed out, before nodding acceptingly. 

“Okay. Now, to begin with, you’re both going to apologize to each other, sincerely, for physically attacking each other.” 

Taehyun looked at Kai seriously, before sighing out, eyes trailing to his lap, before facing Kai once again. 

“I’m sorry, Kai. For insulting Beomgyu-hyung and hurting your feelings. I didn’t…mean to sound selfish. I was just tired of him being in the hospital for so long.” Taehyun admitted, a brooding tone in his voice. 

“Then what about that day? Our first fight. You said you were glad to have a break from Beomgyu-hyung since he was so annoying.” Kai questioned, voice softening. 

“I was just…frustrated that Beomgyu-hyung was struggling but didn’t ask for any help.” Taehyun looked toward Beomgyu, eyes holding genuine concern, “I want you to lean on us when you need it, Beomgyu-hyung.” 

Beomgyu’s eyes silently widened as Taehyun continued to stare at him, before the older smiled. 

“I understand. Thank you for letting me know your true feelings, Taehyun. I’m trying to get better at accepting help, so don’t worry.” Beomgyu bent to the floor, laying his hand on Taehyun’s shoulder with a reassuring expression on his face. 

Taehyun continued to stare at the older boy, eyes slowly welling with tears as Beomgyu continued to smile. 

“You promise?” He whispered, voice bursting with emotion as his eyes shone with unshed tears. 

“I promise. Let’s get better together, Taehyun-ah.” Beomgyu smiled before hugging the younger. 

Taehyun hugged the boy back, tears quickly falling from his eyes as he nodded silently. 

🩵

Now all that was left to deal with was Soobin. The boy wasn’t exactly avoidant of Beomgyu after his discharge, but it was obvious he was keeping him at an arm’s length and tiptoeing around Beomgyu’s boundaries. 

It all came to a head the fifth day after Beomgyu came back home, when they were talking about what they were gonna do after their schedules in the van.

“Do you wanna watch a movie and maybe talk?” Beomgyu suggested, smiling at Soobin as they got off earlier than the others. 

“I don’t know. I–I don’t really care. You can choose whatever you want, Beomgyu-ah.” Soobin smiled, slightly nervous tone in his voice. 

“Hm…wanna grab a beer together, then?” 

“I–It doesn’t matter. We can do whatever you want, Beomgyu.” 

“Can you stop?” Beomgyu sighed, exasperated tone in his voice. 

Soobin immediately flinched, slightly curling into himself as his gaze fell to his lap. 

“U–Uh…stop what?” He asked, nervousness quite evident in his smile.

“ This. Tiptoeing around me, nervously asking me if ‘I’m okay’ every half hour. I’m fine. ” Beomgyu crossed his arms, pouting as he sank into his seat. 

Soobin stared at Beomgyu silently, eyes wide as his lips fell apart. He turned back to his lap, eyes trained on his hands now bunched into fists. 

“How?” Soobin whispered, eyes swelling with tears. 

“Hm? What’d you say, hyung?” Beomgyu instantly uncurled his arms from his chest, leaning forward to catch his hyung’s gaze. 

“How do you not hate me after what I did to you?” Soobin’s question came out choked, emotional as he stared at Beomgyu confusedly. 

Beomgyu’s eyes silently widened, the boy sitting back in his seat. 

“Because…I’ve seen the way you’re regretful. How you were so…hurt when you realized how much it hurt me.” Beomgyu sighed, softly, before smiling towards his hyung. 

Soobin’s heart ripped from his chest. He sighed out shakily, curling into himself as he wrapped his hands around his seatbelt tightly. 

“I–I’m so sorry, Beomgyu. I don’t know how…I could ever say something like that. I’m–I’m supposed to protect and defend my members but I only ended up hurting you. I–I didn’t even mean it…it was a spur of the moment thing that– that still hurt you. I’m just making excuses at this point. But it doesn’t change what I did. I–I’m so sorry, Beomgyu.” Soobin faced the younger once more, fat tears adorning his eyes as his lips quivered. 

“It’s okay. I forgive you, now.” Beomgyu smiled, gracious tone in his voice as he leaned toward the older. Soobin dried his eyes, reaching his arms from his seat and hugging Beomgyu as well as he could, far proximity from each other making it difficult. Beomgyu laughed, trying to hug the older as well, before ultimately giving up. 

“Let’s try this again when we get back home.” He laughed, cheerful smile on his face. Soobin laughed as well, sniffling as he dried the lingering tears in his eyes. 

When they got home, they hugged each other as tightly as they could, promise fulfilled and bond fully restored. Beomgyu smiled genuinely, knowing they would all be okay no matter what storm they needed to brave. 

Fin