Chapter Text
Jaemin traced his face with his left hand in the mirror. When did he let things get this bad? He supposed it all started when the others started distancing themselves. It was subtle at first, from their annoyed groans when Jaemin was too energetic after a long practice, to them ignoring his suggestions between conversations with others. At first, he just assumed the others were tired from practice and that they’d be fine after resting at the dorm for a while. Then, it evolved into them ignoring him at the dorm and during their schedules. Jaemin figured they were just stressed about their upcoming comeback since it was their first one without Mark in a while.
It was when his back started hurting again that his mood started plummeting. This would generally happen right before the comeback happened, when all of their preparations were almost ready, so when it came in the middle of their preparations for their comeback he was shocked to say the least. Things started becoming too much to handle during the week they were finalizing their choreography for this comeback. This was their third regular album they ever released, without Mark for the first time, meaning they would have a lot of songs with choreography as a gift for their fans. Jaemin was giving his 110% effort in their dance practices since his back was getting worse. He didn’t want anyone to worry about him so he acted as normal as he could.
The instructor ended up complimenting him for most of their dance practices before their comeback, which he was happy that his effort was translating properly. On the last day of finalizing the choreography during one of their breaks, Jaemin’s head started hurting. He tried simply shaking it off and continued to drink his water as his throat was beginning to feel like it was closing up. He just tried to continue on with practice, but his stamina wore out quickly thanks to the effort he was putting in earlier.
As practice was close to ending Jaemin ended up making more mistakes. The teacher pointed them out as they all kept going through the choreography. ‘Stupid, can’t even get the simplest moves right.’ ‘Focus Jaemin. Do better.’ ‘STOP MESSING UP ALREADY!!’ All these thoughts swirled in his head as he stared at his reflection dancing through the mirror. The instructor ended the practice for today and Jaemin excused himself to the bathroom. He didn’t like the feeling rising up in his stomach before practice ended so he went just to be safe.
He got to the sink of the bathroom and splashed some water on his face before he began coughing sickly. ‘Am I sick? Did I just not notice it earlier?’ He thought to himself before closing his eyes on account of his worsening headache. ‘I should head back with the others so my condition doesn’t get worse.’ He started walking back to the practice room. He started opening the door before he overheard his other bandmates talking.
“He’s so annoying. He gives his full effort in the first half of practice to only get burnt out during the songs that actually matter? What kind of idiot does that?” He hears Chenle speak. “I know. He thinks just because the teacher praised him during the first half he could slack off in the second?” He hears Renjun say. “He really is becoming more annoying these days. He should just quit for good.” He hears Jisung say. “He’s so perky, he used to be cute but now its just weird and bothersome.” Haechan says. “He thinks he’s special because he puts effort into everything he does. It’s not even that special, it’s just irritating at this point.” Jisung says. Jaemin feels tears well up in his eyes as he silently shuts the slightly open door. He walks away from the practice room and hides in the bathroom stall crouched down crying.
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Little did Jaemin know there was one person watching him throughout the whole day, including dance practice. Jeno. He noticed that Jaemin wasn’t his usual perky self like he was these past couple of days, which worried him. He was trying extra hard at practice too, almost like he was trying to hide something. Jeno closely observed his burnout during the second half of dance practice too. He looked somewhat pale that day, and his movements started getting sloppy while he stopped talking overall. When Jaemin excused himself to the bathroom he walked up to the instructor.
“Teacher, I think Jaemin is actually sick. He was really pale today. I think that’s why his movements were sloppy in the second half of practice as well.” “I see. Why wouldn’t he tell me himself though?” “Jaemin doesn’t like bothering other people, I think he thinks he can just handle it.” “Ah, that’s true. Thanks for telling me Jeno, see you tomorrow.” He bowed and turned to tell his teammates. He overheard them insulting Jaemin and felt anger rise in his stomach. His thoughts stopped when he heard the door creak. He looked over to the source of the sound to find Jaemin in the crack of the door with tears in his eyes. Shit. He quietly uttered “Jaemin…” As he ran away from the practice room. Suddenly, Renjun called him and said, “Let’s go Jeno. Can you get Jaemin for me?” He looked at him with a pissed look as he went to get his and Jaemin’s bags.
He quickly ran out of the door to find Jaemin before thinking of where he might be. ‘The studio? No…vocal practice is tomorrow. The lounge? No…too many people. The bathroom?’ He gasped and ran to the closest bathroom to their practice room. He quietly opened the door to find someone sniffling in the biggest stall. “Jaemin…?” The figure flinched on the floor and said, “Ah, Jeno. Is it time to go already?” “Yeah. Are you okay?” He heard the figure sigh and say, “Why wouldn’t I be?” Jeno felt guilty. He wanted to reach out to Jaemin, but Jaemin might not be willing to. “Okay…I’ll be waiting outside for you. Take your time.” He heard the door click open and turned to look at Jaemin. It had been obvious he had been crying seeing as his eyes were puffy as well as his cheeks. He held his hand out for Jaemin to hold. He fully turned around to Jaemin and patted his fluffy hair and kissed his temple, just like they had been doing since they were trainees. The other smiled silently as Jeno handed him his bag.
Jaemin and Jeno weren’t dating. Jeno didn’t even know how to describe his relationship with Jaemin (not that Jaemin did either). But there had been those frequent nights when Jaemin heard his door click open at midnight and Jeno snuggled in with him under his warm embrace. They never questioned their actions with each other. They simply loved to cuddle with each other and kiss each other on the head when the other needed comfort. Jeno would be lying if he said he didn’t question his sexuality a few times when he was with Jaemin. He never experienced anything quite like he did with Jaemin. Jaemin would also be lying if he didn’t say he sometimes pushed Jeno off him when they cuddled during the day in front of the others out of embarrassment. They both questioned themselves secretly as they cuddled in Jaemin’s bed after a long, tiring day. But neither knew their true feelings for each other, for lack of knowledge and for fear of ruining what they already had with each other.
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The car ride back to the dorm was silent for the most part. Jaemin sat in the very back next to the window, with Jeno next to him holding his hand. The dorm was about forty-five minutes away from the company, for security reasons. Meaning he would have to be in close proximity with people who were insulting him not even twenty minutes before. The others didn’t so much as talk to him during the car ride back, much less look at him. They had no idea he heard their conversation earlier, and he wanted to keep it that way. He was really surprised when Jeno walked in on him crying, but he didn’t know Jeno knew what happened. He just assumed Jeno would assume that he caught him in the middle of a panic attack, or a bad moment. He closed his eyes and prayed this car ride would go by quickly.
He clutched Jeno’s hand tighter as his stomach started feeling queasy again, like earlier. They were still about twenty minutes away from the dorm, Jaemin was in for a long ride. Jaemin breathed in and out through his nose, something he only did when he felt nauseous. Jeno immediately saw the signs and recognized them. He held Jaemin’s hand tighter and said, “Do you need to stop? Do you feel really sick?” Jaemin didn’t want to stop, he already annoyed the others earlier. He didn’t want them to stop because of him. Jaemin shook his head and smiled slightly saying, “I’ll be okay. I’ll drink some water.” He opened his bag again and grabbed his water bottle. He drank out of it, but it only made him feel worse as it felt like something worse was jostling in his stomach.
They continued to drive for about two minutes before Jaemin felt like he was going to blow. Jeno saw his face and asked their manager to pull over. They both got out of the van and went towards the bushes on the side of the highway. Jaemin got on his knees and immediately threw up his breakfast. Jeno patted his back carefully and said, “Good job, just let it all out it’s okay. Take your time, you’ll be okay.” Jaemin felt tears well up in his eyes as he tried standing up. His body felt extremely weak, like he was going to pass out. He coughed hard and looked at Jeno. The other had a very worried look on his face, like he was almost in as much pain as Jaemin. Jeno looked at the manager behind him and asked for his help to lift Jaemin up. As the manager walked over he asked, “Are you sure you’re okay? You don’t need to go to the hospital at all?” Jaemin shook his head and said, “I just need to rest.”
Once they got back to the dorm, Jaemin immediately went to his room and laid down. He was glad he got the only solo room at a time like this. He shivered under his covers and felt tears gather in his eyes. He whimpered softly as the day’s events flashed in his mind. ‘I really don’t belong with them.’ ‘God, how could you have been so naive, Jaemin?’ ‘I should just leave the group.’ He thought back to Jeno’s kindness today. ‘Jeno’s been the only one keeping me strong. He never distanced himself like the others.’ He heard a knock on the door as he stood up and dried his tears. He said, “Come in…” and saw the figure walk in. It was Jeno holding medicine, water, and a thermometer with a sad smile gracing his face. “You’re sick, aren’t you?” Jaemin looked at him quietly before smiling sadly and saying, “I really can’t hide anything from you, huh?” Jeno walked closer to his bed and sat down on the edge. “Let’s take your temperature first. Open your mouth.” Jaemin followed Jeno’s instructions and found he was running a really high fever. “Okay, come on, let’s take your medicine.” Jaemin nodded silently and laid back down after he was finished. Jeno said, “Try getting some rest. I’ll let our manager know to see if we should cancel any schedules.” Jaemin nodded sadly and thanked Jeno.
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After Jaemin fell asleep, Jeno silently shut the door to Jaemin’s room after turning the light out. Suddenly he heard a voice say, “Is Jaemin-hyung okay?” He turned and found Jisung as the source of the statement. Jeno was still pissed at his members for earlier, he didn’t talk to any of them in the car ride, too preoccupied with Jaemin being sick. “Why do you care? It’s not like it’s you.” Jisung looked surprised at his Jeno-hyung. Jeno laughed at him (in anger) and said, “Don’t think I didn’t hear you guys earlier in the practice room talking about him. Idiots.” Jeno walked to his room with anger fueling his every step. He saw Renjun on his bed on his phone. He clenched his fist and slammed his door. He needed to release some steam, so he decided to go to the gym which was luckily on the first floor of their apartment building. He went down in his attire from practice and practiced his boxing skills on one of the gym’s many heavyweight bags. Luckily almost no one was there thanks to the time. It was almost 1pm, which meant everyone was either at work or getting lunch.
He punched his feelings out into the bag, not like he normally does. He felt tears well up in his eyes as he thought of the others’ harsh comments from earlier. How could they be so cruel to him? Wait, why was he getting so emotional over Jaemin? It’s not like they haven’t fought before. ‘There it is…that feeling again.’ Jeno thought to himself. Every so often, Jeno would get this feeling in his stomach when he looked at Jaemin or even thought about him. He didn’t recognize it at first, but as these instances occurred he suddenly realized. He was in love with Jaemin. ‘My heart hurts…so much for him.’ He stopped punching the heavyweight bag as he took the bandages wrapped around his knuckles. He calmed himself down and drank some water from a water fountain nearby. He decided to head back up to check on Jaemin.
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When Jaemin assured Jeno left the dorm (because he could hear his furious footsteps as they walked out of the door of their dorm), Jaemin grabbed a change of clothes and went to the bathroom to take a shower. Jaemin decided to take it quickly in case anyone else wanted to take one. He turned on music on his phone and turned it up to the loudest setting and quickly undressed as the shower warmed up. He just wanted to forget today and sleep. If a couple of tears slipped out of his eyes while he was washing his body, no one would know.
Once out of the shower, Jaemin looked at himself in the mirror. He slowly traced his face with his left hand before he thought, ‘When did things get this bad?’ He shook his head and quickly got dressed. He left the hot bathroom as his headache started coming back. He quickly went to his room and laid on his bed. He tried falling asleep before his headache fully came back. He drifted in and out of consciousness until he fully fell asleep.
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When Jeno came back to the dorm, it was almost silent. Jisung and Renjun were watching a Korean drama on TV in their living room, and Jeno assumed everyone else was in their room. He was still mad at them, even if he did calm himself down at the gym. He walked straight into Jaemin’s room without thinking the former might be asleep. Luckily he didn’t open the door too quickly, because it appeared the boy was still sleeping peacefully, just as Jeno left him. He smiled silently as he walked over to the sleeping boy. He felt his forehead, which was hotter than he remembered last. Jeno sighed out as he went to get the basin in the bathroom to fill it with cold water and douse it on Jaemin with a washcloth. Once he got everything he went to Jaemin’s room but was stopped by a hand on his arm. He turned around to see Renjun looking at him confusedly. “I was calling you, did you not hear me?” Jeno wouldn’t admit that he was ignoring him. “Ah, yeah. What is it?” “Is Jaemin really sick? Should we tell manager-hyung to cancel our schedules?” “I don’t know, I was gonna call him later after dinner. Don’t worry I’ll do it.” Renjun nodded and Jeno took that as his queue to leave.
Jeno walked into the dark room silently, as he looked at the sleeping boy in his bed he carefully wet the washcloth and wiped off the sweat elevating Jaemin’s flawless skin. The other felt his head again after leaving the washcloth on it for a couple of minutes. The sleeping boy looked so peaceful sleeping, Jeno almost felt like they were in a fairy tale, where Jaemin was the princess that would wake up after Jeno kissed him on the lips. Jeno’s heart fluttered thinking about kissing Jaemin, fairy tale or not, Jeno was down bad for the other boy. He shook his head and looked back at the sick boy. He patted his head and said, “You’ll be okay. I’ll make sure of it. Because…I love you Jaemin.” He finished his statement and kissed Jaemin’s temple. The other was breathing evenly with now-red cheeks that graced his outstanding visuals.
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When Jaemin woke back up again, his head hurt more than before. He groaned softly as he felt his head with his right hand. ‘I think my fever got worse…’ He thought before he noticed the boy next to him. Jeno was on the edge of his bed, asleep with a washcloth in his hand. Jaemin saw the basin next to him filled with cold water and smiled softly. Jeno really was the best person in the world. Jaemin carefully patted his head, so as not to wake the boy. He wanted to kiss the boy all over his face, right then and there, in all of his cuteness. Jaemin flushed thinking of kissing Jeno. ‘I really can’t deny it…I do love Jeno…’ He looked at the boy right next to him sleeping and felt tears well up in his eyes. ‘What am I gonna do?’ ‘What if he hates me?’ ‘What if he can’t stand me?’ ‘What if…?’ Jaemin dried his tears and closed his eyes again.
When Jeno woke up again, he checked his phone for the time first. It was almost 5pm, meaning it was almost time for dinner. Jeno went to the bathroom to get the thermometer so he could take Jaemin’s temperature again. When he went back to Jaemin’s room, the other was still sleeping. He opened Jaemin’s mouth and took his temperature as carefully as he could. It was still very high, Jeno didn’t know if the medicine he gave him earlier helped or didn’t. He decided to call his manager-hyung to let him know to cancel Jaemin’s schedules (and his) for the foreseeable future.
“Hello hyung. I’m calling about Jaemin.” Jeno called. “Ah yeah, I talked with Lee Sooman. I was able to get all of you exactly one week off.” The manager said proudly. “Perfect! I’ll be sure to take care of him, thank you very much hyung.” “No problem! Some of you have some things to wrap up though, so I’ll call you to let you know.” “Okay, I understand hyung. Again, thank you very much.” “I’ll call you later, bye Jeno.” “Bye hyung. Oh yeah! Can you let the others know for me? I want to take care of Jaemin.” Jeno didn’t admit that he didn’t want to talk to them at all. “Yeah, I’ll be sure to call them.” Jeno smiled at his hyung’s warm love for them.
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When Jaemin woke back up, his body felt like lead. He tried getting up to get water and medicine, but it felt nearly impossible. He felt tears gather in his eyes again. ‘What’s wrong with me? I’m literally crying over not being able to stand up.’ ‘What if I’m like this forever? What if I’m paralyzed and I can never walk again?’ ‘Stupid. Idiot. I hate myself. I hate life. I hate everything.’ Jaemin put all his effort into getting up and getting out of his room.
He got to the bathroom and opened the medicine cabinet to take more painkillers. ‘I just want this headache to FUXXING STOP ALREADY!!’ Jaemin took the bottle in his hands and ate ten all at once. Immediately after downing them he got dizzy and fell down on the wall. Jeno heard a loud thud from his room, so he thought he’d check it out. ‘It sounded like it came from the bathroom…’ He walked toward it quickly and opened the door to see Jaemin on the floor. The other was breathing heavily and Jeno immediately fell to his side. He saw pills all around Jaemin, with the pill bottle almost empty. Tears welled up in Jeno’s eyes as he shook the other, trying to wake him up. “JAEMIN!! JAEMIN ANSWER ME PLEASE!!! JAEMIN!!!!” He looked around and saw Jaemin’s phone next to him on the floor. He immediately called their manager as he rushed them to the hospital. He grabbed the pill bottle in case the paramedics asked questions.
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Jeno was praying. Praying and crying, with all of his heart, that Jaemin would be okay. That his Jaemin didn’t do anything that would permanently affect his future. He tightly held Jaemin’s hand throughout the whole ride to the hospital, as well as when they got here. He was crying openly while begging God to save him in his mind. Jaemin’s hand was still extremely warm as they walked into the hospital, which proved helpful to Jeno’s panicked state. He looked at the EMT as she said, “What happened?” Through tears Jeno said, “He ate over half the bottle of painkillers in our dorm. He was running a high fever before he ate all of them. I brought the bottle with me here.” He handed it to her as she analyzed it. “Okay, we’re going to need to pump his stomach, honey I’m going to need you to turn on your right side.” She guided him to his side and asked Jeno, “When did this happen?” “I’m not sure, I heard a thud about thirty minutes ago.” “Good job getting him here.” Jeno nodded and looked at Jaemin, who was almost unconscious at this point. The EMT’s started the stomach pumping procedure, which looked painful for Jaemin and Jeno alike. Tears streamed down Jeno’s eyes as Jaemin kept gagging softly while the EMT’s were feeding the tube down his stomach. They managed to get it to his stomach and began the suction procedure.
Jeno was shaking in fear. He whispered, “Jaemin. Jaemin, listen to me. You’re gonna be okay. I promise you’re gonna be okay. You just have to get through this, and then you’ll be fine. We’ll go back home and you’re gonna feel better. I promise. No matter what.” Jaemin slightly opened his eyes as he gagged again and nodded slightly. Jeno smiled at him saying, “Good boy. You’re so strong. I love you Jaemin. I love you.” Jeno held Jaemin’s hand tighter as the other closed his eyes in pain again. The EMT from earlier commented, “Good job Jaemin-ssi, you’re doing very well. It’s almost over, just a little more to go.” Jaemin nodded slightly as the drainage continued. Jeno looked at the camera showing Jaemin’s stomach contents as the final bits were finally clearing up. “Okay! We’re done. We were able to clear all of your stomach contents Jaemin-ssi.” Jeno sighed a sigh of relief as tears fell from his eyes. He thanked the EMT’s over and over for their help. “He’s going to need to stay here for at least a week in case any other developments arise. We’ll move you to a private room now, so let me get your paperwork in order.” Jaemin nodded silently as the EMT went to get his paperwork, soon after falling asleep.
After they had moved him to a private room in the hospital, Jeno talked with their manager outside of Jaemin’s room. “Have you told the others yet?” The manager looked surprised as he said, “No, I assumed they knew. I thought you told them?” Jeno said, “Everything was going so fast, everyone was in their rooms. I didn't want to disturb them since they might be tired.” “Really? You didn’t get them?” Jeno shook his head no. He could tell his manager was catching on. “Jeno, I know you must have your own reasons to lie, but can’t you tell me the truth?” He looked at his manager worriedly before nodding. “Today during dance practice…the others were insulting Jaemin as I was talking to our instructor. I…couldn’t do anything to stop it. I didn’t even notice until I was done speaking with our instructor. And Jaemin…he doesn’t deserve that. So I got mad and haven’t talked to anyone all day.” Their manager looked at him warmly. “Ah…I see. Our Jeno is too good for us. Ah, how did we end up so lucky with a person like you?” Jeno laughed softly as his manager hugged him tightly. “Thank you for telling me Jeno. I’ll be sure to talk to the others. But, make sure you forgive them too. What they did was mean and uncalled for, but you don’t have to carry that for Jaemin, that’s not your purpose.” Jeno nodded with tears filling his eyes again. Their manager called the others to let them know what happened as Jeno went into Jaemin’s hospital room.
As Jaemin began stirring awake from his nap, Jeno began intertwining their fingers. As Jaemin began to wake up more, Jeno looked at him with a sad smile that went to his eyes. When Jaemin fully woke up, he teared up looking at Jeno. “Ya…you just woke up, how are you already sad?” Jaemin sniffled and said, “Jeno…I’m sorry…I just wanted the pain to stop.” Jeno felt tears fall down from his eyes as he said, “No, Jaemin. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I just sat there while you were in pain. And that I couldn’t do anything while the others were saying those horrible things earlier. I’m so sorry…I promise I’ll try to be better. So please. Talk to me. Don’t let yourself drown like this again. I can’t take it.” Jaemin nodded sadly as tears poured down both of their faces.
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When Renjun got a call from his manager later than his usual hours, he knew something was wrong. “Hello hyung, is something wrong?” “Don’t freak out. I’m in the hospital with Jaemin and Jeno right now.” Renjun gasped loudly saying, “What happened? Are you guys okay?!” “I’m gonna be honest. Jaemin accidentally overdosed on cold medicine. Jeno found him in your bathroom after he heard a ‘thud.’ Jaemin’s fine, but Jeno is still pretty shaken up about it. On top of that, he doesn’t want to see you guys right now. I’m pretty sure Jaemin doesn’t either. Jeno told me what happened at practice today. Whatever you said got him really mad. You should fix this. I’m going to talk with Lee Sooman about what happened today. If you don’t fix this soon he will push back your comeback. You all messed up, and I acknowledge that. But remember you guys are a group . You guys are in this together, not separately. You may fight, and hate each other’s guts sometimes, but you always make up. Jaemin can barely survive without you guys by his side. Don’t forget that.” Renjun felt tears well up in his eyes. They really did royally screw up this time.
After Renjun finished his call with his manager he got the others to tell them what happened. He didn’t know if they should go to the hospital though, or rather if they deserved to go. What they did to Jaemin was unforgivable, and he might never want to speak to them again. Jisung proposed they just go and beg on their knees for forgiveness, but it’s not like it would fix the situation they were in completely. The least they could do was give him space to heal, right? Renjun thought, but what if he wants us to reach out? What if Jaemin wanted them to see him in the hospital and for them to beg for his forgiveness? Renjun wracked his brain with what-if situations they could be met with if they met Jaemin in the hospital.
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Jaemin didn’t know how to feel about this situation anymore. Part of him was glad he accidentally overdosed, another part feared the others seeing the real Jaemin behind the walls he built with them over the past few months. But a big part of him wanted to see the others. To what exactly? Explain why he did it? Release all of the pent-up feelings he had about them? Beg for their forgiveness and ask them to not kick him out of the group? Jaemin didn’t know. After months of emotional pain, it all came to head in one day and burst. Jaemin looked at Jeno sleeping peacefully on the couch next to his hospital bed. He smiled and resolved to figure his feelings out later.
Suddenly his door opened and he saw his manager walkthrough. His manager smiled and said, “Hey, how are you feeling?” Jaemin smiled and said, “Tired…” “That’s understandable. Well, I brought someone I thought might cheer you up.” Jaemin looked at his hyung suspiciously as he opened the door to reveal his Doyoung-hyung. “Hyung!!” Jaemin smiled gleefully as the other walked toward his bed with something behind his back. Jaemin said, “Hyung, what’s behind your back?” “Well, since your doctor said you can’t eat solid foods yet, I mashed up some tteokbokki for us to eat!” Jaemin gasped as Doyoung revealed a cup of mashed-up tteokbokki and a box of regular tteokbokki for Doyoung and Jeno. “Let me wake up Jeno,” Doyoung said as their manager helped Jaemin pull out the table on his hospital bed. They all ate happily (well, Jaemin slurped happily) and continued talking after they were done with their tteokbokki.
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Jaemin decided to talk to his Doyoung-hyung about his feelings while Jeno and their manager were getting drinks at a convenience store nearby. “Hyung…I’m so confused about my feelings.” “Well, can you recognize what you’re feeling right now?” He looked at his hyung sorrowfully before saying, “Relief… regret… sadness…but most of all…anxiety. What if I get kicked out? What if fans hate me? What if I never see you guys again?” Doyoung held Jaemin’s hand tightly as he said, “Jaemin-ah, I promise no one is going to hate you for this. I can’t even begin to imagine how you’ve been feeling these past few months, but I promise that no one would ever hate you for having these feelings. And if you get kicked out then I will never forgive our PD-nim. If you leave, I leave too. That way, if you’re never able to see the others again, you’ll at least be able to see me.” Jaemin felt tears gather in his eyes. They both hugged each other in Jaemin’s hospital bed tightly.
“Doyoung-hyung, can you do me a favor?” Jaemin asked after their talk. “Anything for my favorite dongsaeng. Don’t tell Jeno though haha.” Jaemin laughed quietly before asking, “Can you ask Taeyong-hyung to come with you tomorrow? I really wanna see him.” Doyoung smiled and said, “Of course. I’ll be sure to tell him. See you tomorrow!” Jaemin waved goodbye to his Doyoung-hyung and relaxed in his hospital bed. When Jeno and his manager came back from the convenience store, he asked his manager to call Renjun to ask him to not come until the day after tomorrow if they wanted to see him. Renjun easily agreed and told the others after the call ended.
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The next day, Doyoung brought Taeyong to see Jaemin in the hospital just as he promised. They all had fun talking about the past and catching up with each other. Jaemin asked for some time alone with his Taeyong-hyung, to which everyone in the room easily agreed. Once he assured Jeno that everything was going to be okay, they all left to get their lunch. “Hyung…can I be honest with you?” “Of course Jaeminnie, what is it?” “I…I think a part of me really wanted it to work. I mean, I clearly wasn’t thinking straight when I did do it…but a part of me really wanted it to end everything. And…I…I didn’t want anyone to see me for a really long time. I just wanted to hide in the shadows and pretend like I didn’t matter. I wanted to disappear. And then…I saw Jeno. Jeno with his caring, loving attitude. He was always there for me in between it all. He always has been. Jeno…is so special to me. I can’t exist without him. So…what I’m trying to say I guess…I think I have a crush on Jeno. And I’m terrified of what might happen if I tell him.” Taeyong smiled at Jaemin (who was almost on the verge of tears at this point) and pat his head. “Ahhh…our Jaeminnie. You must’ve had a tough time huh? Thank you for telling me. I’m proud of you for staying strong this long.” Jaemin started crying while whimpering ‘hyung…’ softly and hugging Taeyong. “I understand you might be scared to tell him. You’re afraid it’ll ruin what you already have, right?” Jaemin nodded. “But listen to me Jaemin, if you don’t confess, you’ll probably regret it a lot. So, even though I’m definitely not confident enough to ever confess to someone, you’ll feel good after getting it off your chest. I can promise that.” Jaemin nodded silently, thanking his hyung.
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The others came back with their lunch shortly after, beaming with glee as they got their manager to pay for them. “Jaeminnie!! We got your favorite, fried chicken!!” Jaemin smiled happily as he stood up in his hospital bed. Jeno helped him pull the table attached to his hospital bed and set a box on there. They both shared the box, one side filled with regular fried chicken and the other side filled with spicy fried chicken. As Jaemin was eating, he started experiencing chest pain but chalked it up to stress since he had been experiencing it since yesterday. As he was eating the chicken though, he had difficulty swallowing it, even the smaller pieces. He kept coughing as he ate the chicken, but no matter how much water he drank it just wouldn’t go away. He pushed through though, eating until he was full.
He laid back down on his hospital bed, tired from just eating chicken. His breaths were becoming shorter and shorter, as he inhaled more oxygen his breaths became more staggered and shorter. He started excessively sweating afterward as well. He said quietly, “Jeno…get a…nurse…” Jeno immediately ran out of the door and got the nearest nurse on duty. She looked at Jaemin and said, “What happened?” “We were just eating, but Jaemin lost his breath.” She grabbed a stethoscope and held it on his chest. “It might be Aspiration Pneumonia. We’re gonna do a physical examination just to confirm though.” After the physical examination was over she confirmed it was Aspiration Pneumonia. “Luckily it’s not too severe. Are you currently taking other medications besides the ones we gave you?” Jaemin nodded and said, “I have a medication for my back that I take every day.” “Can I see that medication?” His manager handed it to her as she analyzed the ingredients. “Okay, luckily none of the ingredients are dangerous with the one for Aspiration Pneumonia. We’ll keep you on this medication for exactly one week, then we’ll see how you’re doing. Unfortunately, that means you’ll have to stay a couple of more days until you’re fully recovered.” Jaemin nodded sadly and thanked the nurse.
After that Taeyong and Doyoung took their leave, seeing as they had other schedules to tend to. After that incident, Jeno was glued to Jaemin’s side again. He was starting to loosen up since Jaemin woke up yesterday, but now he was stuck to him like two peas in a pod again. Jaemin didn’t mind too much though, and if he did he would never tell Jeno. Jaemin looked at Jeno worriedly before he said, “Jeno…you knew I was there that day, didn’t you? In the practice room. That’s why you apologized to me yesterday.” Jeno felt tears rise in his eyes before he let his head fall and say, “I’m sorry Jaemin…I didn’t even realize it until it was too late. But even still- I should’ve stopped them. I’m sorry.” Jaemin smiled patiently at his crush. ‘He looks just like a puppy…’ Jaemin thought. “Jeno. I don’t blame you for what happened. It’s okay. So please don’t worry about that anymore. Because I’m okay, and that’s all that matters right?” Jeno nodded silently before Jaemin lifted his face to reveal a crying Jeno. “It’s okay baby, it’s okay Jeno baby.”
Jaemin comforted Jeno as he usually does, by patting his head and kissing his temple softly. “But, baby, you do know they’re coming tomorrow right?” Jeno’s face turned into an expression he never thought he would see on Jeno. It was kinda cute when Jaemin thought about it, how Jeno was getting all mad on his behalf when Jaemin didn’t feel an ounce of anger at them at all. “Baby, you have to forgive them. You do know that right?” Jeno’s face turned into a pout as he quietly said, “What if I don’t want to forgive them?” Jaemin laughed softly at the pouting boy before him. How was the love of his life this adorable? “Baby, I’m going to try and forgive them. Doesn’t that mean that you should too?” Jeno pouted harder as Jaemin laughed softly again. “I guess if it’s for you I can try. But don’t expect me to be all friendly tomorrow, okay!!” Jaemin smiled before saying, “Yeah. It’s gonna take a while for me too, but I’m gonna try.”
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The next day came sooner than Jaemin expected. He asked his manager to tell them to bring some of his stuff from the dorm when they came to see him. Seeing as he didn’t have his phone on him, and Jeno was still trying to get over what they did to Jaemin (Jaemin thought it would be best not to upset him more by contacting them himself) he asked his manager for a lot. He would have to make sure to thoroughly thank him after this whole ordeal was over. The other dreamies came around to his hospital room at 12 pm exactly, which meant they probably came with lunch too. Oh well, at least it’ll make it less awkward at first.
As Jaemin predicted, they came around with the stuff he asked for as well as lunch which served as an official peace offering between them and Jeno’s wrath (which Jaemin managed to calm down significantly before they came). They all came in awkwardly, with guilty looks on their faces. ‘At least they have a mind to feel guilty.’ Jeno thought. Renjun was staring nervously at a glaring Jeno. Jaemin turned to find his crush’s gaze at the other dreamies. “Jeno, baby come on. Stop it.” He said as he patted the other’s arm. Jeno turned his gaze over to the boy next to him as he made a pouty face. Jeno looked down with a ‘humph’ as he crossed his arms. Jaemin smiled slightly and turned to the other dreamies. “Hey, guys.” “Hey, Jaemin-ah.” “Hi hyung.” They walked closer as Renjun set Jaemin’s stuff right next to his hospital bed. The maknae line held up the ‘peace offering’ (as dubbed by Jeno later) as Chenle said, “We got you pizza, hyung. Your favorite, ham and pineapple.” (a/n: fight me on this, I bet you Jaemin loves Hawaiian pizza) Jaemin smiled happily and urged them to come closer to his bed. “I promise I won’t bite. I can’t promise Jeno though haha.” Renjun laughed lightly, which made Jaemin smile unconsciously.
Renjun cleared his throat as everyone ate. “Um…Haechan is busy with 127-hyung’s schedules. He said he’d come by later.” Jaemin nodded and continued eating. Jeno was still glaring at some of the dreamies as Jaemin said, “Come on, you need to eat baby.” The other looked at him silently and nodded as he took a piece from Jisung and Chenle’s box. After Jaemin finished eating, he coughed a lot and a lot of phlegm came out of his mouth as well (a/n: phlegm is mucus in case you don’t know). The others looked worriedly at Jaemin before Jeno clarified. “He has a mild case of pneumonia. This is normal, don’t worry.” Jaemin nodded. He heard Chenle mumble, “We’re still gonna worry even if you tell us not to…” Jaemin was surprised at that statement. For the past few months, they acted like Jaemin didn’t even exist to them, and now that he was sick they were worried? Jaemin felt angry at that. “If you’re worried now, why didn’t you worry two months ago?” Jaemin whispered as he clutched onto his blanket tightly. “Jaemin-ah, that’s not what he meant…” He heard Renjun say. “What did he mean then? You know, I’m trying my best to not scream at you guys right now. You guys acted like I didn’t even exist for five months. Then you started insulting me daily and lashing out at me when I did nothing wrong . What’s wrong with you guys…who treats someone like that? Someone you once considered a best friend at that? Unless I was mistaken. It was just one-sided huh? My love for you guys. You never saw it.” Jeno held Jaemin’s hand tightly as the other looked down at his lap.
Everyone was silent for about two minutes before Renjun finally spoke up. “I saw it. Your love, Jaemin. I saw it every day when I was with you. And…I didn’t know how to accept it. I couldn’t believe it. That someone…could feel so much love for people he wasn’t even related to. It scared me. But I never wanted to let go. Trust me. Your love has been my driving force all of these years. And then…I took it for granted. I got tired of life, and I said things that I will regret for the rest of my life. I did something unforgivable by hurting you like this. But when I walked in that door…I still saw your love underneath all the walls you built up. And I know…this isn’t even a proper apology after all the shit I’ve done to you. But I loved you Jaeminnie. I love you. And. It’s so shitty of me to ask this to you. But, can you ever find it in your heart to forgive me? I just wanna go back to how things were.” Both Renjun and Jaemin were crying after that. “Renjunnie…I. I really want to forgive you. I really do. But…I need some time to process my feelings. Can you do that for me?” Renjun said softly, “Of course. I’m uh- I’m gonna go get a drink.” He said as he dried his tears.
And so, there were four. “Hyung…firstly, I’m so sorry,” Chenle said. Jaemin looked at the other with an unreadable expression. “I was being stupid all of this time because I’ve been stressed about this comeback without Mark. And, I know, it’s not an excuse for the harsh words I’ve said behind your back, but I’m gonna try to make it up to you, by any means necessary. I don’t want this to ruin our relationship permanently…if I haven’t already ruined it. I love you hyung, so much. I don’t want to lose you because I was an idiot and couldn’t see I was hurting you. So, I know it’ll take a long time for you to forgive me, but I’m going to do whatever I need to to show you I still care about you hyung.” Jaemin looked at the younger seriously before nodding and saying, “You’re right. It will take time for me to trust you again. But I appreciate you trying. Thank you Chenle. And…don’t worry. You didn’t permanently fuck up our relationship. I just need time.” Chenle nodded sadly and stepped back so Jisung could step further.
Jaemin looked at Jisung who held a very guilty expression on his face. The poor boy looked like he was in as much pain as Jaemin was. “J-Jaemin hyung…I’m so ashamed of myself. I-I have no excuse for what I’ve done to you. I cherish our friendship so much. And I took that for granted these past few months. I literally treated you like shit and didn’t realize until it was too late. I-I’m such a horrible person. I could sit here all day and list why I’m a horrible person- but that’s not even a proper apology. I don’t even know how to properly apologize for the things I’ve done to you. I screwed up, big time. I never wanted to ever hurt you this deeply hyung. I love and cherish you so much. So, I understand it’ll take a lot of time for you to heal. But, I just want you to understand that I want to be there for you. Just like you were always there for me. You don’t even have to forgive me! I just want to protect our friendship hyung. I just want things to go back to normal. Even if you think things can’t return to that, I’m going to try really hard to be your friend again. Because I love you Jaemin-hyung.” The younger was crying immensely by the time his speech was over. Jaemin unconsciously comforted the younger by hugging him tightly. Even if Jisung hurt him, he still managed to release Jaemin’s natural motherly instincts (even when he was sick). He thought back to the relationship he had with the younger over the last decade. The younger had always felt like his baby, ever since the day Jaemin entered the company. But then, he thought back to the past five months. Even though Jisung didn’t directly insult Jaemin, the pain still strained their relationship. If anything, Jaemin strained their relationship the most. Jisung didn’t. “Jisungie…this isn’t your fault. If anything, I let the pain strain our relationship, when I should’ve held on. I regret that a lot. I love you Jisungie…I want to go back to how it was before too. So it may take a while before we get there again, but I promise to try my best.” “Hyung…” Jisung was still crying when he went to hug his hyung tightly. “I’m sorry Jisungie. I was too harsh to you when you were just worried about Jaemin. I love you Jisung.” Jeno said after Jisung and Jaemin finished hugging.
Chenle looked at his Jaemin-hyung shyly while fidgeting with his fingers. Jaemin noticed immediately and smiled slightly as he held his arms out. He really couldn’t hate his dongsaengs too long, no matter how hard he tried. “I promise I’m gonna try really hard for you guys.” Chenle smiled and said, “Then, also let us know when it’s too hard, okay? We don’t want you to be in any pain anymore, especially since you’re special cargo to us.” Jaemin smiled quietly.
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After their apologies, the dreamies stayed behind for a little while to catch up with each other as best they could. If most of it was filled with awkward silence, it would never leave that hospital room. A little after the Dreamies left, Haechan came around with Taeyong and Doyoung. To his surprise, one more guest accompanied them, which made Jaemin extremely happy. “Mark hyung!!” Jaemin almost got out of his bed to hug him. The other immediately ran to him and hugged him as tightly as he could. “Ahhh…it’s nice to hug our Jaeminnie after not seeing him for so long…” The other melted in the older’s arms as he felt tears gather in his eyes. “It really has been too long hyung…I missed you so much…” They stayed in their hugging position for two minutes before Taeyong cleared his throat and said, “Let Jaemin breathe Mark…” Mark let go of him awkwardly as everyone laughed. “If Mark gets to hug Jaeminnie then I should too!!” Doyoung said cutely before he moved in to hug Jaemin. The other laughed and hugged his hyung tightly. After one more hug from Taeyong, Jaemin finally directed his attention to Haechan.
The other was watching them silently as they hugged each other. Haechan would be lying if he said he wasn’t extremely jealous. But I guess that’s what happens when you mentally damage one of your best friends for months. The other walked closer to Jaemin’s bed and sat down on a chair next to it with his head hung low. “I…I don’t even know where to begin.” He said in a deep voice that made Jaemin barely recognize Haechan. Jaemin looked at the others as he silently urged them to leave. He knew Haechan was a very private person, he didn’t like having others around at moments like this. Jaemin even turned to Jeno to ask him to leave, which the other hesitantly agreed to. Once everyone was out of the room, Haechan began to talk again.
“I’ve done something to you that I know I will regret for the rest of my life. I’ve been cruel to you when you didn’t deserve it when you didn’t ask for it. And for that, I’m truly sorry. I’m not trying to excuse my actions toward you at all in any way, but I took my frustration out on you with all of the stress of this comeback. I was having such a rough time, I knew I was doing it out of anger, but that still doesn’t make it okay. I know things will never be the same after this…a part of you will probably still hate my guts forever. But I don’t want that. It will take a very, very long time before you forgive me. I acknowledge that. But you need to know, that I will keep trying as hard as I can to be your best friend again. I took you for granted once, but I will never do that again. Because I love you Jaemin. I love you, and your quirky fun-loving attitude. Your love for rapping and dancing. Your everything. I love every single bit of you Jaemin. And I always will. So until the day you forgive me, whether that’s 1 month from now or 1 year from now, I won’t stop trying. I won’t give up this time. I’ll stick by your side. Forever.” Haechan had a pitiful expression on his face with tears falling down his eyes. Jaemin cooed at the crying boy internally and hugged him tightly. The other boy melted in the other’s embrace.
The two boys hugged each other for about one minute before Jaemin cleared his throat. “Well, first of all, I really missed your hugs.” Jaemin smiled slightly before continuing. “I…I really appreciate you trying your best. I’m going to try my best too, I promise. I…I will try not to hate your guts either. So, let’s both try our best to be best friends again. I’ve missed you these past five months. A lot.” Haechan hugged him tightly as tears flooded his eyes. Jaemin coughed lightly as they were hugging. “I got pneumonia, don’t worry it’s normal.” “Mmmh…I’m still gonna worry. Oh! You must be hungry right? Should I order in?” Jaemin said, “Oooh, that’d be nice. Can we get kimchi jiggae?” Knowing it was Haechan’s favorite, he recommended it. “I’m down for that. I’ll get the other’s orders.” Jaemin nodded and Haechan took that as his queue to leave.
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After the other rejoined them in his hospital room and they all finished their dinner, Taeyong, Doyoung, Mark, and Haechan left because Mark and Taeyong had schedules and the others needed to prepare other stuff. While their manager left to drive the others back to their schedules, Jaemin and Jeno stayed together in his hospital room. Jaemin scrolled through social media while Jeno held his hand and started to relax. Jaemin started coughing after scrolling a little bit. Jeno got visibly worried about Jaemin as he patted the other’s back carefully. As his coughing fit ended, Jeno calmed down.
“Jaemin, you know, this whole situation has really got me thinking about a lot. And I realized something…” Jeno looked at Jaemin as a blush danced across his cheeks. Jaemin looked at him suspiciously before he continued staring at his face and blushing as well. He hoped the other wouldn’t notice. “Jaemin- I…what I’m trying to say is…I care for you…deeply. And…and I want…I…want…to spend the rest of my life with you.” Jeno said the last part in a very quiet whispered tone. The other looked at him with a slightly confused and said, “Jeno…are you possibly implying…?” “I’M IN LOVE WITH YOU JAEMIN!!” The door opened to reveal their manager with a surprised face as he said, “It looks like I came at a bad time…I’ll come back later…” Jaemin blushed hardly as he put his head in his hands. Jeno also laid his head down on Jaemin’s blankets so his whole face was not visible.
Once they composed themselves, Jaemin looked at Jeno with love filling his gaze. How was this boy so adorable, even when confessing? Wait…is Jaemin thinking right? Jeno just CONFESSED to him?? A blush danced upon his face, he looked as red as a tomato. “I…you like me?? Isn’t this supposed to be the other way?? I confess you reject me, I move on with my life??” “You just assumed I would reject you??” “YEAH?? LOOK AT YOU!! IT MAKES SENSE THAT I’M IN LOVE WITH YOU, BUT YOU BEING IN LOVE WITH ME?? Just not possible…” “WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? ME BEING IN LOVE WITH YOU MAKES MUCH MORE SENSE?? YOU’RE SO PERFECT AND YOU ALWAYS SMELL GOOD AND ALWAYS TAKE CARE OF US AND-You’re just…literally amazing in my eyes…” Jeno looked at him with literally the cutest expression EVER (as expressed by Jaemin) and said, “We’re kinda getting off-topic.” Jaemin laughed softly and said, “I…I love you too Jeno. So much.” Jaemin held the other’s face gently as he smiled brightly, which could rival the sun’s brightness in Jeno’s opinion. “I want to be with you…forever,” Jaemin said quietly, but Jeno heard him loud and clear. Jaemin leaned in closer to Jeno as he looked at his lips. Jeno leaned in quietly as well and soon, their mouths were both on each other softly as they both closed their eyes lovingly. It felt like time stopped for both of them. Just like a k-drama kiss where everything is just perfect and time stops for both protagonists and birds fly and streamers go off and everything is just wonderful and they both have a happy ending and the series ends just like that. Jeno feels exactly like that right now. Streamers magically going off behind him and flowers magically blooming behind him is exactly how he feels right now (if you can call that a feeling). Jaemin feels like he’s winning at life right now, despite their current setting. They don’t know how long they stayed like that- but before they knew it visitor hours were over and Jeno had to go home. If Jeno left with a triumphant smile (that stayed that way all night), no one but the dreamie’s manager would know.
As the week passed on, the dreamies came by Jaemin’s hospital room more frequently, as he began recovering greatly mentally and physically. Jaemin’s relationships with the other dreamies got a lot better in the span of that one week of Jaemin staying in the hospital. While it didn’t completely solve all of their problems, it was certainly a good start to improving Jaemin’s mental health and relationships with his bandmates. And on the tougher days, the dreamies respected his wishes, whatever they may be. To stay with him or just leave and talk to him later, they tried so hard to fix their mistakes for the past five months. Finally, Jaemin was released from the hospital and came back to the dorm to help with the preparation of their third regular album. And as he got more used to his schedules once again, he started becoming the cheery Jaemin they used to know, which made all of them extremely happy to see all of their hard work paying off. And after a couple of months of getting used to his schedules and being with the dreamies again, he fully forgave them and they continued to heal.