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Beomgyu was not having a good day. Waking up with a splitting headache and finding that the dorm ran out of painkillers was just the beginning. They had an 8-hour dance practice for their upcoming concert that was important to nail since the performance was coming up soon. He figured he could just ask the manager for some painkillers when he got to their dorm, but of course, life happened and he didn’t get to ask.
He sighed internally and said, “Okay Beomgyu, you can do this. It’s just dance practice until 4 pm. You can make it through it and then pick up painkillers afterward. You’ll be fine.” He hopped in the van behind the others as they piled in forcingly.
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Beomgyu was not okay. Why did he ever think he could do this? It was 2 hours into their 8-hour dance practice for their upcoming concert when his stomach started feeling uneasy. He continued to chug his water bottle during the continuous breaks they got, the others not seeming to notice his pain. It was about 4 hours into the dance practice when his limbs started not responding to him. Everything was heavy, from his head to his feet, his eyelids that wanted to close shut.
His legs went limp and lagged behind everyone else as they danced to ‘Cat & Dog.’ The instructor commented saying, “Beomgyu, you’re a beat late with your legs.” He nodded and said sorry. ‘Stupid, can’t even get the leg movements right.’ ‘What’s he even doing here if he can’t take this seriously.’ His mind supplied him with insults as he kept messing up.
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Hueningkai kept a close eye on Beomgyu during the first few hours of dance practice. He felt something was off when the older boy didn’t speak at all during breakfast, usually lighting up the table with energy as he does. He noticed the boy struggling during dance practice as well about 4 hours in, which was completely unlike him on days like this. When it came down to it, Beomgyu was a very hard worker, especially when it came to his dance. So to see him like this was baffling, to say the least.
He voiced his opinion to his Yeonjun hyung during one of their breaks. “Yeonjun hyung, I’m worried about Beomgyu hyung, do you think he’s okay?” “I’m sure he’s fine, don’t worry. He’s probably just in one of his moods since today is pretty tiring.” Yeah, maybe his Yeonjun hyung was right. I should focus on my dancing instead.
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It was about 6 hours into their 8-hour dance practice now, and Beomgyu could feel the bile rising up in his throat when he stopped dancing, which he knew wasn’t a good sign. Finally, they were released for their lunch break in the Hybe building. The instructor said, “Wait Beomgyu, can I talk to you?” He nodded after he finished his 6th water bottle of the day.
He watched the others leave, without even turning back to wave back to him or saying they’ll wait for him for lunch. But, it’s not like he wanted to eat anything anyway when his stomach was already on the verge of bursting from the endless hours of exercise.
The instructor began, “I noticed you’re struggling with the older choreography. Did you get injured earlier, or did something happen with the others?” Beomgyu could barely hear him with his head pounding too much from his worsening headache. “Beomgyu, why aren’t you answering me? What, too tired to even talk to me? Wow. I see how it is. Just for that, you have to stay behind one more hour later than the others. I hope you brush up on your dancing so you don’t keep dragging your teammates down. Why don’t you stay in here for lunch and practice some more? I’m going to eat my lunch with the others.” He nodded, not trusting his voice to speak right now. He could only really understand the later part of his sentence, where he has to stay behind one more hour later.
The instructor left and Beomgyu took that as his queue to start dancing again. He felt tears burn in his eyes as he thought back to all of his mistakes today but quickly dried them before the song started. He decided to start from where he messed up first, the choreo of Cat & Dog. He got to the part where he was having trouble earlier and practiced it endlessly. It has to be perfect. I can’t let my members down. I can’t let MOA down. He practiced that part until that feeling of bile rose up in his throat. Except for this time, he could feel it was different. He ran to the bathroom right next to the practice room (thank HYBE for smart building designing) and ran into the biggest stall where he emptied his bowels.
Draped over the toilet, he tried to look around for his phone. As he lifted his head too quickly from the toilet bowl, his surroundings became easily dizzying in his fever-wrecked mind so he closed his eyes tightly so as not to pass out from the pain. He breathed heavily as he felt more bile rise up in his throat before he emptied his bowels once more. He didn’t look at the toilet. He didn’t dare to, for fear of seeing something he was not supposed to see.
He opened his eyes once more to find his once dizzying surroundings had become still and the bile once rising in his throat had settled in his stomach. His breathing had not shallowed out quite yet, but that was beside the point. Beomgyu was out of the woods for now; that was all that mattered to him.
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It seemed Beomgyu was in the bathroom for quite a while, because when he got back the instructor and others were already there, getting energized for the last two hours of their dance practice. He felt their glares in the back of his fever-ridden mind as he walked to get into his starting position for 0X1=LOVESONG.
As the music began blasting through the speakers, his limbs felt heavy and immovable, just like earlier. He felt tears burn his eyes as he focused on his reflection in the mirror. ‘Why can’t you do anything right.’ ‘You’re just slowing the others down.’ ‘You’re useless. Worthless. Why did you even join the group in the first place.’ He quieted his thoughts as his part rang through the speakers and tried his best to sing and dance to his part which proved quite the struggle when sick.
Soon, they were about halfway through all of the choreos of their first full-length album but Beomgyu was still struggling greatly. His limbs had become sloth-like as his body demanded more from him with high-energy choreographies. After they had finished the choreography for Magic, Beomgyu felt the bile rise in his throat once more. He thought, ‘here we go again.’ But this time, he was much more worn out and asked after they finished the choreo for No Rules if he could go to the bathroom. After the instructor allowed him to, he ran to the stall (just like earlier) and once again emptied his bowels and felt extremely dizzy afterward.
‘Why did I think I could do this today? It’s too much. I need to call manager-hyung.” He reached for his phone in his pocket when he realized he left it in the practice room. Shit. He felt tears well up in his eyes as he tried to stand up from the toilet. His limbs started shaking heavily as he kept trying to stand up. He somehow was able to get up and walk out of the stall. He stopped at the sink in the bathroom and splashed some water on his face before he returned.
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As he walked back to the practice room, he felt his limbs becoming more numb as he kept walking. He felt tears well up as he kept walking. He closed them as he opened the door to the practice room before he overheard his members. “Honestly if he’s just going to fool around, why even be here?” He heard Taehyun say. “He’s dragging us down, we should just continue without him.” He heard his Soobin-hyung say. “Yeah, come on guys, let’s just practice without him.” He heard his Yeonjun-hyung say. He felt tears pour down his face as he turned back around. ‘I was right…I am just dragging them down.’ Tears burned his cheeks as he couldn’t stop himself from running away from the practice room. He went to his studio on the second floor without a thought and locked himself in there as he sobbed his heart out. Luckily HYBE made soundproof studios.
He kneeled and brought his head to his knees as his cries settled down. After he finished crying his headache spiked as he clutched his head tightly begging for it to stop in his mind. He kept hitting his head on the door harder as a means of begging his headache to just stop. Soon enough, he tired himself out and fell asleep on the floor in his studio.
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After about an hour of continuing practice without Beomgyu, Hueningkai was very worried. None of the others seemed to care where he was, they just wanted to finish practicing. Finally, he had enough and decided to speak up.
“Aren’t any of you concerned about where Beomgyu-hyung is at all?” “He’s probably just goofing around somewhere, come on Kai practice is almost over let's just get it over with and go home,” Yeonjun said. “Seriously? What if something bad happened to him?” “Huening, he’s an adult and he can take care of himself. He probably just went back to the dorm, don't worry.” Taehyun said. “Come on Kai, only three choreo’s left, then we can go back to the dorm and talk with Beomgyu,” Soobin said. Hueningkai felt distraught. His gut tells him something is wrong with his Beomgyu-hyung, but his other hyungs are just shaking it off. Who should he listen to? He felt a hand touch his shoulder. “Kai, I promise we’ll search for him after we’re done. Okay?” Soobin said. He nodded and got in position for their last three songs.
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Once they finally finished the last three songs for their concert lineup, the instructor dismissed them and left the practice room. Hueningkai took it upon himself to grab Beomgyu’s stuff and look for him in the bathroom in case he was still there. Not to his surprise though, he wasn’t in any of the stalls. He heard his Yeonjun-hyung say, “Come on Kai, let’s go home.” He ran out of the bathroom and turned to his Soobin-hyung saying, “Are you sure he’s at home?” Soobin nodded reassuringly and said, “He probably just needed to let out some steam. Come on, let’s go.” He nodded and rushed to get into the van.
When they got back to the dorm Hueningkai quickly took his shoes off to go into Soobin and Beomgyu’s shared room. When he opened the door, the lights were off and there was a lump under Beomgyu’s blanket. He smiled and decided to wake his hyung up so they could cuddle together. When he poked the figure under Beomgyu’s blanket though, it didn’t move. “Hyungie? Are you okay?” He lifted up the blanket to reveal Beomgyu’s pillows shaped exactly like a human. He got surprised and thought to himself, maybe he went to sleep in another room? He jumped up and began looking at the dorms’ other rooms to see if he was in any of their beds. To his surprise, he wasn’t. He thought, ‘maybe he went to the bathroom?’ He checked the bathroom only to see a half-naked Yeonjun getting into the shower. Now he was really worried.
He checked the others’ rooms, just in case he missed them by chance but had no luck in finding his Beomgyu hyung. He called for him in their dorm, even though he would have replied by now seeing as it is a small dorm. He felt tears well up in his eyes when he saw his Soobin-hyung watching a drama on TV. “Hyung, I can’t find Beomgyu-hyung anywhere.” “Oh, really, have you tried calling him?” “Ah, right!” Hueningkai pulled out his phone and pressed on Beomgyu’s contact. He heard Beomgyu’s ringtone of his favorite song, Wishlist. He walked quickly to the source of the noise before realizing it came from Beomgyu’s bag. He got even more worried after that.
“Soobin-hyung, he left his phone in his bag,” Hueningkai said with tears in his eyes threatening to fall down. He was really getting worried for his Beomgyu-hyung now. Soobin said, “Oh okay. Maybe he’s still at the company then.” Intently focused on the drama on the TV. Hueningkai was starting to get mad at his hyungs for their utter lack of care for his Beomgyu-hyung. “I’m gonna go look for him.” “Okay, go have fun.”
Hueningkai called their manager saying, “Hyung, I’m sorry but I think I left something at the company during practice earlier. Can you give me a ride back?” His manager said, “Yeah, I’ll head over right now, it should be 5 minutes.” “Thank you hyung.”
Once Hueningkai got to their company he ran out of his manager’s van to go looking for his Beomgyu hyung. He knew he needed a plan, so he thought of all the places Beomgyu could be in the company. He decided to try Beomgyu’s studio first. His studio was on the second floor of the building, just like the rest of TXT’s. He hurriedly pressed the second-floor button in the elevator. Once he arrived, he sped down the hall until he reached Beomgyu’s studio.
He unlocked it with the passcode Beomgyu showed him when he first got to the studio and opened the door. Immediately, the door was stopped with some sort of object in its path. When Hueningkai bent down to look at what it was, he realized it was a person.
“B-Beomgyu-hyung?” The body remained lifeless on the floor as Hueningkai crouched down. He opened the door a little more so he was able to see the figure’s hair. It was cranberry red-- just like Beomgyu’s. “B-Beomgyu-hyung!” Hueningkai shook the figure as tears formed in his eyes. “Beomgyu-hyung! Wake up! Hyung, please!! Wake up!!” He kept shaking as tears started pouring down his face. He grabbed his hyung’s body as he grabbed his phone in his pocket. As he picked up his hyung he realized he was warm-- really warm. He felt his forehead and realized he was burning up. His breathing was shallow as well. “Hyung- hyung please stay with me, I’ll call emergency services soon!!”
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The next time Beomgyu woke up, he was surrounded by blinding white light and the smell of saline on the walls. His eyes peeled open as he squinted them as they were dazzled by the surrounding lights from all around. He groaned softly as his eyes opened more and he became more aware of his surroundings. When he fully came to, he realized he was in a hospital room. He groaned as he tried lifting his hand up to his face without it hurting. He soon gave up and accepted his fate.
Soon enough he felt a weight on the right side of his body that made it virtually impossible to move. He looked and realized that the weight was his dongsaeng- Hueningkai. He lifted up his right arm to pat him on the head carefully. As he did, the boy stirred awake, opening his eyes and yawning. Beomgyu smiled at his adorable antics as the boy came to. Once the boy realized where he was, he looked to his Beomgyu-hyung and gasped. The boy quickly formed tears in his eyes as he said, “Beomgyu-hyung! I was so worried!! I’m so sorry hyung- I’m so sorry, please forgive me!!” As the younger muttered his apology, Beomgyu was reminded of the events leading up to this moment. Beomgyu thought, ‘Ah…that’s right…that did happen. I was so mad at myself that I passed out, who would’ve thought?’ He looked at the boy crying in his lap before smiling and saying, “Hyuka, Hyuka. It was never your fault. I was stupid enough to hide my sickness. If anything, it’s my fault. Would you be willing to tell the others that too?” The younger looked surprised at the mention of the others. Beomgyu said, “Oh yeah, speaking of the others, where are they?” The younger said, “Oh…everything was happening so fast. I forgot to call them.” Beomgyu smiled at his maknae’s forgetful attitude. “That’s okay haha. I expect manager-hyung knows about this though?” “Yeah, he went with me on the ambulance ride.” “I’m sure he’s already told the others then. Let’s just give them time.”
Suddenly, an unfamiliar figure walked in. “Ah, Beomgyu-ssi, good to see you’re awake. My name is Doctor Kim, it’s nice to meet you.” He directed his attention to Hueningkai and said, “If you’ll come with me, I’ll give a brief overview of what happened.” Hueningkai’s hand that was holding Beomgyu’s hand let go as the other went with the doctor.
“I’ll try to explain this quickly. Beomgyu-ssi was running a very high fever earlier but seems to be improving greatly. His natural vitamins in his body were very low though, and he has very high blood pressure. We put him on a natural solution the hospital provides so his vitamin levels should level out within a few days. I suspect the reason he has high blood pressure is because of stress and overwork, so he needs full and complete rest for about two weeks before he can resume his activities at all.” Their manager was writing this all down on his phone so he could remember to tell Bang PD-nim. They both thanked the doctor as he took his leave.
Hueningkai stayed with the manager for a little bit before saying, “Have you told the other members yet?” The manager nodded and said, “I called them earlier, they said they have something to do so they’ll be a while to get here.” Hueningkai nodded and left to join Beomgyu again.
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As Hueningkai walked back into Beomgyu’s room, he told him what the manager told him. “That’s good to know haha. I’m glad they didn’t forget me.” Hueningkai looked down guiltily at that statement. Beomgyu noticed immediately and asked what was wrong. Hueningkai said, “Well, they did continue practice without you. I don’t even think they were worried. I’m sorry hyungie, I should have spoken up sooner.” Hueningkai teared up again. Beomgyu immediately comforted his maknae saying, “Hey. Hey, you did nothing wrong. It’s all okay now, it’ll all be perfectly fine I promise.” He hugged Hueningkai tightly.
Beomgyu was starting to piece together what had happened before they got to the hospital now. Before, it was just bits and pieces from what had felt like a Beomgyu-Esque fever dream, but now it was tied together. When he pieced it all together, he only felt more shitty than before. He really did let everyone down this time.
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Soon, both Beomgyu and Hueningkai were beginning to fall asleep in the hospital. As soon as they both started to creep toward a good night’s sleep, Beomgyu’s door suddenly slammed open, which made Beomgyu and Hueningkai jump lightly. It was Soobin holding two GIANT gift baskets both with bear themes for Beomgyu’s representative animal. He set both baskets down before running to Beomgyu with his arms wide open saying, “My poor baby Beomgyu~~ My poor baby got sick oh nooo, I’m so sorry honeyyyyy~~~” Beomgyu snickered at his antics before reaching out to play along with him. “That’s right~~~mommy I’m sickkkkk~~” he faked crying as the others laughed cheerfully at them. That’s when Beomgyu realized the others were there, just behind Soobin making a big deal out of the situation. He hugged Beomgyu carefully as he patted his hair, which Beomgyu always appreciated since they were trainees.
Beomgyu turned to the others to see Yeonjun holding convenience store bags, unsurprisingly filled with stuff only Beomgyu likes. “Awww…hyungie got my favorite snacks!” Yeonjun looked at him surprised, “Hm? I don’t know what you mean, these are all my snacks…this isn’t for you!” Beomgyu pouted like a child to which Yeonjun laughed and dropped the bags on his bed. “Yeah, like I could ever eat this crap. What even is this, Shrimp Cake Cookies?? What kind of palate do you have?!” “A very refined one, thank you very much.” Beomgyu held out his arms to also be hugged by Yeonjun as well, to which the older gladly obliged.
Finally, Beomgyu turned back to Taehyun holding the final gift for Beomgyu, which was behind his back. Taehyun said, “And we saved the best gift, for last.” Which intrigued Beomgyu, to say the least. He tilted his head saying, “What could it possibly be?” Taehyun smiled widely before revealing Toto in his cage sitting peacefully on his perch. Beomgyu gasped loudly as he felt tears form in his eyes. “Really? Toto!” Taehyun let the bird out of his cage before he flew over to Beomgyu’s side. “How did you do this?” “We got auntie’s permission so we drove there to get him. That’s what took us so long.” He looked at Toto and petted him on his head, where he liked it best. “This really is the best. Thank you, guys. So much.” The others smiled cheerfully. “We’re just glad you like it, this was last minute and all,” Soobin said. Beomgyu smiled widely before drying his tears.
After everyone had somewhat settled into the room, Beomgyu looked down at his lap, cleared his throat, and said, “I want to get this out of the way, before it’s too late. I’m sorry guys, really. I know like it seems I’ve been distancing myself from you guys lately. And to be honest, I’ve been having a rough patch lately. I’m sorry I keep dragging you guys down in everything, especially dance practice. I know I’ve been letting a lot of people down too. So, for that, I’m really sorry. But, I’m going to try and be better from now on. This incident made me realize how much you mean to me, so I’m going to keep pushing forward so I can be part of this group too.”
When Beomgyu looked up from his lap, he didn’t expect everyone to be crying. He looked around at everyone with glossy tears in their eyes or streaming down their face and tried to comfort them. Both of his dongsaengs Taehyun and Hueningkai were the first to hug him (spoiler they were both the ones with tears streaming down their face too) tightly and mutter apologies for not noticing or for not caring. As Beomgyu hugged them back he felt tears well up in his eyes too. He then turned to his two hyungs who had composed themselves as the others were hugging it out and they apologized too. “We should’ve been there for you, we shouldn’t have judged you. I’m so sorry Beomgyu. I promise I’ll be a better leader as well as a better hyung.” Soobin said with tears glistening in his eyes once again. “I’m sorry Beomgyu. I feel like I failed you as a hyung. You will always be enough for our group, no matter what.” Everyone nodded agreeing with that statement. “Tomorrow X Together is 5 or nothing. There’s no going back, ever. You’re not letting any of us down either.” To which everyone nodded furiously at that. “I love you Beomgyu, so much. Genuinely. Just as you are. So you don’t need to change anything. We love you so much.” Yeonjun said as he hugged Beomgyu as tight as he could. If Beomgyu’s shoulder was a little wet from that concluding counter, no one would know. Beomgyu accepted both of their apologies with no questions asked, as they hugged it out between the three.
He looked at all his bandmates and genuinely smiled for the first time in months. That was when they knew they were going to be okay.