Archive of Our Own

Soobin was in love with Kai. He was unmistakably, deeply, ache-inducingly in love with Kai. So much so that he prayed Kai would never find out so he could keep pining after him for the rest of their natural lives. 

Even now, as he entered the third year of his crush, he loved being silently in love with Kai. 

Soobin swore he was a normal boy before he met Kai. He lived with his grandparents, was the local dog walker, and was the top of his class in school. And then one look at the younger boy, and suddenly, his priorities changed. Now all of a sudden, he wanted to make memories with the younger boy. Savor his time in high school before it was too late. So, that’s what he did. 

It was so fun at first. Him, Kai, and Taehyun, Kai’s first friend in class. But then it only got more complicated from there. The way Kai’s hair sleek back hair bounced with each giggle that left his mouth; the way his facial structure conformed to each expression etching across it; the way he makes Soobin feel loved each moment they’re together despite the fact that Kai could never begin to know the extent of Soobin’s feelings for him. It was all so lovely really. 

Soobin would never be able to tell the younger though. There was no way Kai would feel the same way about Soobin––never in a million years. Plus, he didn’t even know how he could ever confess to the younger boy. So he buried the feeling of loving Kai deep in his soul, never to be acknowledged. 

And then, all of a sudden, he got nervous to stay around Kai. If he gazed at the boy for more than a moment, his chest would become suffocated with this unfamiliar feeling.

🩵

Soobin had lived a very fulfilling and nice life until he fell in love with Kai. Sure, his parents died when he was a child, but he still had his siblings and grandparents by his side. He was the often-overlooked middle child of his family, but he didn’t let it bother him too much. His grandparents were old, and any added stress to them would make Soobin feel guilty. Plus, he got so used to his problems being ignored when he was younger, he learned to just shove them down and not burden anyone with his thoughts. That was also mostly the reason he didn’t tell his grandparents about his crush either; why bore them with unnecessary details of his life when they were much busier taking care of his siblings and running their local store?

His siblings weren’t much help either. His older sister was infamous in their family for her failed love advice, so Soobin knew it wouldn’t do him any good to ask for advice from her, even if she prided herself on being a self-proclaimed love expert (she really wasn’t, but Soobin let her believe otherwise so as not to upset her already fragile ego). And his younger brother was barely in middle school––if he was interested in anything it certainly wouldn’t be about his older brother’s love life.

Well, he did confide in one person about his crush. Taehyun. Kai’s best friend. He’s not completely sure why he did––one thing just led to another and he felt like telling Taehyun––but Taehyun was weird. He approached most things logically––including love. His general response to Soobin’s woes was simple: just confess. Problem solved. The problem most certainly would not be solved that easily, Soobin was sure, but at least Taehyun was trying. 

The most Taehyun helped Soobin with his crush was when he told the older Kai’s ticks and little habits most hadn’t noticed. Which, Soobin could argue it wasn’t actually helpful, since it only made him fall more in love with Kai, but it was mostly semantics at this point. He told Soobin of how Kai loved cats since his older sister raised kittens before she moved out; he told Soobin of the way Kai sticks his tongue out when he is really focused on something; all the little things that only made Kai more lovable in Soobin’s eyes. 

🩵

Little did Soobin know that was all going to change in one fateful afternoon. He was tasked with cleaning the school basement after being caught playing hooky by one of the teachers. It wasn’t fair; the only reason he was playing hooky was really because he thought he lost a keychain Kai had given him (which was actually stuck in the front pocket of his backpack) and he couldn’t bear to wait till after school to search for it.

He sighed heavily as he set a box on the floor. He wore a pout on his mouth as he pushed it to the corner of his room. 

“This is so unfair. Should I just quit? It’s not like anyone comes down here anyway.” He spoke to himself, dusting off a bookshelf. 

He sighed once more, sneezing cutely, before rubbing his nose and pulling another box off of the top of the bookshelf. He set it on the floor, dust flying from it, causing him to cough as he waved his hand in front of his face. He began taking the items out of the box, a serious expression on his face. His eyebrows furrowed as he picked up a facial mask at the bottom of the box, adorned with strange markings and shaped like a cat face. He gazed at it silently, an intrigued expression on his face. 

“Soobin…” A strange voice whispered in his ear, causing him to flinch as a shiver ran up his spine. He whipped his head around, eyes wide as he rubbed his neck nervously. 

“Soobin…” The voice whispered once more, Soobin’s shoulders tensing as he turned on his phone’s flashlight. 

“W––who said that? Show yourself!” He stood up, looking around the room with wide eyes. 

A large shadow hung over the room, Soobin clutching his phone tighter as it formed into the shape of a cat. He slowly backed up, hitting the wall of the room as he breathed heavily. 

“Choi Soobin. Aged 16. Junior at Hyangnam High School. In love with Kai Kamal Huening.” The voice spoke once more, an amused tone in his voice. 

“W––what?” Soobin stuttered, confused expression on his face. 

“I’ve been watching you for a while. I know every little detail about your life.” The figure continued, confident tone in their voice.

“R––really? That’s…a little creepy.” Soobin fidgeted nervously, awkward expression on his face.

“No––it’s––why does everyone think it’s creepy?! It’s literally my job. Uh, anyway. I think I may have an offer that might intrigue you.” The voice panicked, before quickly retaining its composure once more.

“An…offer?” Soobin narrowed his eyes, intrigued yet cautious. 

“Mm-hm. An offer that involves your crush. Kai.” 

“What are you going to do with him? You better not hurt him.” Soobin immediately became defensive of the younger boy, a dark tone coating his voice. 

“Woah, woah, calm down, Mr. Ready-to-fight-an-all-powerful-being. Nothing’s going to happen to him. It’ll happen to you actually.” 

“To…me?” Soobin blinked to the floor, bending down and picking the mask up. 

“Yep! If you wear that mask, you’ll transform into one of the things Kai wants most.” 

“Into one of the things…Kai wants most?” Soobin looked at the mask unsurely, conflicted expression on his face. 

“Mm-hm. And he won’t even be able to tell it’s you. You’ll transform into a…” 

“Let me guess, a cat?” Soobin smirked, catching the figure off guard. 

“H––how’d you know?! Most are never able to guess!” 

“Um…well, you’re shaped as a cat. This mask is a cat mask. Plus…Kai’s favorite thing is cats. Seems pretty derivative.” Soobin rationalized, the figure scoffing softly in advance. 

“I just had to go after the smart-ass high school kid. Well whatever. So…whaddya say? Wanna give it a test run?” 

“Mm…I’m not sure. Can I have some time to think about it?” 

“Of course, of course! Ah…there is one catch I should mention. After you put the mask on, you have one week to decide if you want to stay a human being, or remain a cat for the rest of your life. But, it’s completely your choice, so no pressure or anything.” 

“Hah…” Soobin smirked awkwardly, a skeptical expression on his face. 

“Well, with that being said, this humble all-powerful-being will leave you alone to think about it.” 

The shadow minimized, soon disappearing from Soobin’s gaze. He sighed heavily, looking at the mask for a moment before placing it back on the bookshelf hesitantly. He threw a sheet over it, pushing the boxes back into their original places before sneaking out of the room carefully. 

🩵

Soobin couldn’t stop thinking about the offer after that. It was…intriguing, to say the least. Soobin’s interest was definitely peaked. If he could turn into any animal, he’s sure he’d want to be by Kai’s side no matter what he was. 

The interest was eating him alive. He’s sure he would never agree to be an animal for the rest of his life, but he wondered what it would feel like to be an animal for one night. Be cradled in Kai’s arms and fall asleep listening to the younger boy’s heartbeat. 

He sighed heavily. It had only merely been a day since the offer was made, but his curiosity had not been satiated, no matter how he tried to distract himself. 

Fine. Just one night. What’s the worst that could happen?

He stood up from his bed, running downstairs and back to school, the sun starting to set. He walked as he came into closer proximity to the school, bowing as he walked past the teachers and walking to the basement of the school with a determined expression on his face. He looked around carefully, before opening the door to the basement and walking in silently. He lifted the sheet from the bookshelf, grabbing the mask and sighing carefully. He closed his eyes, before slipping the mask over his eyes and opening them once more. He gasped as his surroundings started to enlarge around him, Soobin looking around the room with wide eyes as his senses sharpened and a mirror appeared in front of him. He silently walked closer, gazing at his now white-as-snow fur, and deep blue eyes that illuminated with curiosity. 

“What do you think of your new look?” The figure appeared behind him, causing his fur to scrunch in anxiety as his irises narrowed into slits. 

“Oh…it’s just you. At least I’m cute.” He relaxed, before looking at himself in the mirror once more. 

“Hm. Well, anyway. You have an answer yet?”

“Not yet. I still get seven days…right?” Soobin asked, unsure tone in his voice. 

“Yep. I’ll be counting down. See you around~” 

And with that, the figure disappeared just as fast as he appeared. Soobin sighed to himself, before turning toward the window near the back of the room, slightly open and letting in a gentle breeze. He smiled to himself, before running towards it, immediately knowing where he wanted to go in his new form. 

🩵

It had been long since Soobin memorized the way to Kai’s house by now. It was a ten minute walk from school, and a five-minute walk from his grandparent’s supermarket, so he had been there countless times in between shifts and after school. 

The sun had long set, but it appeared as though Kai hadn’t arrived home yet. Soobin wondered if he went to Taehyun’s house after school. He patiently waited outside of the door, curling into himself and soon falling asleep. 

“Oh? What’s this?” A gentle voice spoke beside Soobin, reaching out toward the kitten as Soobin awoke. He immediately recognized it, smiling and rubbing himself against Kai’s large fingers. 

“Oh, how precious. You wanna come in for some milk, little one?” Kai held his hands out toward Soobin, picking the kitten up carefully as Soobin nyaaed happily. 

Soobin blushed harshly as Kai picked him up, unlocking the front door to his house and softly petting Soobin on his forehead. Soobin was immediately met with the warmth of the house, the scent of vanilla overwhelming him. His house smelled just like Kai. 

“Hold on, little one. Let me put my things upstairs first before I get you your milk.” Kai set Soobin down carefully, a warm smile on his face as he tiredly walked up to his room. 

Soobin gazed around the house carefully, warm atmosphere immediately enveloping him. Despite how it was currently empty, the atmosphere was welcoming, just like Soobin imagined Kai’s home would be. Soobin yawned silently, Kai walking down from his room once more, his sister walking behind him. 

“Aww, he’s so small.” She cooed as Kai picked him up once more, Soobin leaning into Kai’s touch as the younger boy pet Soobin with a warm smile on his face. 

“Yeah. He is pretty well fed, though. He probably wandered away from his home. I think I’ll give him some milk before sending him back.” Kai rubbed his belly softly, Soobin purring in response. He was a little ashamed to admit his stomach was a little pudgy since he was always fed well by his grandparents. 

“Hiyyih, can you heat up the milk?” Kai asked, Soobin basking in the boy’s warmth. 

He noticed how tired Kai’s eyes looked, heart twinging in response. Kai looked like he was at the end of his rope, despite the warm smile still adorning his face. Soobin wondered why he hadn’t noticed it before. He attempted to cheer the boy up by circling the boy’s legs, meowing softly as he wore an innocent expression on his face. Kai smiled widely, face lighting up as Soobin silently rejoiced. 

“He’s so friendly.” Hiyyih smiled as she set the dish of milk on the ground, rubbing Soobin’s back softly. 

Soobin drank from the dish silently, meowing warmly at the siblings.

“Yeah. Maybe you’re a little lonely like––” Kai spoke before the door burst open, causing Soobin to curl into himself as his hair spiked, the siblings silently tensing as their father walked through the door. 

“There’s my sweet, precious kids~ how was school today??” He drunkenly slurred, setting his bag down on the kitchen table and holding his arms out to his kids. Kai awkwardly patted him on the back, a small, unsure smile on his face. 

“It was fine, dad. I um, got an ‘A’ on my chemistry test.” Kai picked Soobin up, holding him close to his chest, almost as if he was protecting the kitten. 

As Kai’s father stumbled around, Soobin nestled himself into Kai’s arms, feeling the sudden tension rising in the room. Kai held him close, his heartbeat steady but tense against Soobin’s small form, as though the act of holding Soobin grounded him somehow. 

Kai’s father laughed, oblivious to his children’s discomfort. “An ‘A’ in chemistry? That’s my boy!” he slurred, patting Kai roughly on the shoulder, making Kai wince but keeping his smile intact. 

Hiyyih kept a polite distance, watching her father with wary eyes. She looked at Kai, as if sharing an unspoken understanding. As their father shuffled to the couch, Kai set Soobin down gently, and whispered to his sister, “Let’s go to our rooms. He’ll sleep it off soon.” Soobin followed them up the stairs, his tiny paws quiet against the wooden floor. 

Soobin didn’t know much about Kai’s private life, other than the fact that his parents were divorced. Soobin was sensitive to the topic––he didn’t pry any more than Kai wanted to tell him. He didn’t know how to feel about the side of Kai that carried the weight of his family struggles. As Kai settled onto his bed, Soobin hopped up beside him, nudging Kai’s hand with his head. Kai’s tired eyes softened as he began to stroke Soobin’s fur absentmindedly. 

“What am I doing, huh?” Kai murmured to the little kitten, his voice barely above a whisper. “I’m not even sure if I can hold it all together sometimes…” he covered his eyes with his arm. 

Soobin felt a pang of guilt and determination fill his heart. He wanted to support Kai. He wanted to be the one who made things lighter for him, even if it was only a little. He settled in, curling up close, his warmth seeping into Kai’s side as the boy’s breathing slowly evened out, drifting into sleep. 

Tomorrow, Soobin decided, he would find a way to give Kai hope. 

Soobin slipped out of Kai’s room silently, his tiny white paws barely making a sound as he found his way back through the streets to his grandparents’ house. The early morning was cool, the moon high and pale, casting long shadows that danced around him as he padded along. 

🩵

When he finally reached his house, he crept in through the open back door, which his grandparents left ajar for the stray neighborhood cats. He slipped up to his room, exhausted but exhilarated, and carefully took off the mask. The world shifted once more, growing smaller again as his human senses returned. He glanced at himself in the mirror, his hair tousled, his cheeks flushed with the strange thrill of the night. 

Lying down on his bed, Soobin couldn’t stop replaying everything he’d witnessed at Kai’s house. The fatigue in Kai’s eyes, the tension he held in his shoulders, the way he smiled despite it all––it made Soobin’s heart ache. His love for Kai, once so simple and innocent, now felt heavier. He wanted to be there for Kai in ways he never could as a mere friend. 

But he also knew that if he didn’t confess soon, he would forever be locked in this silent longing. That voice from behind the mask echoed in his mind: one week to decide.

🩵

The next morning, Soobin woke up with resolve. He spent the day mostly distracted, lost in thought as he tried to muster up the courage to face his feelings. Every time he thought of Kai’s laugh or the way he looked that night, his heart swelled with both fear and hope. 

When the school bell rang, he took a deep breath and headed to the basement, shuffling through his bag and finding the mask. He held it in his hands, feeling the weight of his decision. The figure didn’t lie––it was up to him, and he knew he had to choose soon. But maybe, just maybe, he could spend a couple of more evenings as Kai’s beloved little companion, gathering the strength he needed for what might be his biggest leap yet. 

So, with one last, determined breath, he slipped the mask back on, feeling the world shift around him. 

As the mask’s magic settled over him, Soobin once again found himself small, white-furred, and nimble. His senses sharpened, sight adjusting to the dim evening light, his hearing picking up the faint rustle of leaves outside. The world was enormous and brimming with details he’d never noticed as a human. 

Without a second thought, Soobin slipped out through the back door, making his way to Kai’s house. The evening was quiet and cool, and as he ran, his tiny paws hardly made a sound against the pavement, he felt the strange, bittersweet joy that had been simmering since his first transformation. It was as if he was closer to Kai than ever, yet he knew that his closeness couldn’t last forever. He would have to decide soon. 

When he arrived at Kai’s doorstep, he hesitated. The window near Kai’s room was slightly open, and with a quick leap, Soobin managed to land on the sill, squeezing through the gap. Inside, Kai was sitting at his desk, hunched over his homework, with one hand propping up his tired face. He seemed worn out, but he still had a small, focused smile as he worked, as if trying to distract himself from the weight of his circumstances. 

Soobin watched him for a moment, marveling at how even in exhaustion, Kai radiated a quiet resilience that made Soobin’s heart ache with affection. Gently, he let out a small meow, announcing his presence. Kai’s head jerked up, his tired eyes softening at the sight of the little white kitten. 

“Oh, it’s you again,” Kai whispered, a warm smile lighting up his face. He stood and walked over, reaching down to scoop Soobin into his arms. “I was starting to wonder if you were just a dream.” 

He sat back down on his bed, cradling Soobin close, stroking his soft fur as if seeking comfort. “You know, little guy, it’s funny,” he murmured, his fingers gentle and careful. “I barely even know you, but it feels like you understand me.” 

Soobin’s heart twisted, wanting to tell him I do understand, Kai. More than you know. But all he could do was rub his cheek against Kai’s hand, his small purrs filling the silence between them. 

As the minutes passed, Kai grew more relaxed, his eyes growing heavy. He laid down, keeping Soobin nestled in the crook of his arm, and began talking softly, as if confessing to an old friend.

“I don’t know how much longer I can keep pretending everything’s okay,” Kai murmured, his voice barely a whisper. “It’s hard. My dad…he’s struggling with money again, and Hiyyih and I…we’re just trying to keep things together. But sometimes, I just want to…I don’t know…escape.”

Soobin automatically nuzzled closer, his heart aching. He wanted to tell Kai that he wasn’t alone, that Soobin would be there for him no matter what. Kai’s honesty stirred something inside him––a fierce, protective love he could barely contain. 

“You’re a good listener, you know?” Kai smiled down at him, his eyes glistening. “Better than anyone else, really.” 

He closed his eyes, his breathing evening out as he drifted to sleep, one hand still resting lightly on Soobin’s fur. Soobin laid there silently, feeling the warmth of Kai’s heartbeat radiating through his ribcage, the steady rise and fall of his chest. 

The night stretched on, quiet and comforting, but in the back of his mind, Soobin felt the weight of the choice he would soon have to make. This strange double life was pulling him in two directions: as a cat, he could stay with Kai forever, a silent companion. But if he wanted to be there for him fully, to truly offer support and love, he would have to face his feelings as a human. 

Morning began to creep into the sky, casting a soft glow through the window. Carefully, Soobin wriggled out of Kai’s grasp, slipping off the bed and out the window before the boy could wake up. He made his way back home, his thoughts a whirl of emotions as he thought about the few days he had left to make his decision. 

Once he reached his room, he removed the mask, and the transformation reversed, bringing him back to his human form. He sat on his bed, staring at the mask in his hands, still feeling the lingering warmth from Kai’s touch. 

💙

The sixth day dawned with a crisp, cool morning, and Soobin’s mind was made up. He didn’t need a mask. Didn’t need to hide behind a kitten’s form. Today, he was going to confess to Kai face-to-face, as himself, once and for all. 

Soobin’s heart was pounding as he walked through the school hallways, clutching his books tightly. He could see Kai just ahead, laughing with Taehyun by his locker, the sound of his voice lighting up the space around him. Soobin felt his throat tighten, but he forced himself to take a steadying breath and move forward. 

“Hey, Kai,” Soobin said, trying to keep his voice from wavering. 

Kai turned, his eyes brightening when he saw Soobin. “Hi, hyung! What’s up?” 

Soobin glanced at Taehyun, who gave him a knowing, raised eyebrow before excusing himself with a quick, “See you guys later.”

Kai looked at Soobin curiously, his smile fading just a bit as he picked up on Soobin’s seriousness. “Is everything okay?”

Soobin took a shaky breath, his heart pounding against his ribs. “Actually…I wanted to talk to you about something. Do you think we could go somewhere a bit more private?” 

Kai nodded silently, a hint of concern crossing his face as he gestured down the hall. They walked together to an empty classroom, and once inside, Soobin shut the door, his palms sweaty as he faced Kai. 

“Soobin-hyung, you’re making me nervous,” Kai let out with a soft laugh, though his eyes were warm, reassuring. 

Soobin took another deep breath, feeling his courage waver despite knowing he couldn’t back out now. “Kai, I…I wanted to tell you something I’ve been keeping to myself for a long time.” He hesitated, looking down at his hands, before forcing himself to meet Kai’s gaze. “I like you, Kai. A lot. I’ve felt this way for a while, and I wasn’t sure how to tell you, but…here I am.”

Kai’s expression shifted, a flicker of surprise crossing his face as he stared at Soobin, speechless for a moment. Soobin’s heart sank as he watched Kai process his words, a silence filling the room that felt almost unbearable. 

Finally, Kai sighed softly and looked away, his expression pained. “Soobin-hyung…I don’t know what to say. I didn’t know you felt this way. I’m…really sorry.” 

Soobin’s heart sank in his chest, but he forced himself to keep listening, to let Kai say what he needed to say. 

Kai rubbed the back of his neck, struggling to find the right words. “I…I care about you, Soobin-hyung. You’re one of my best friends. But…things have been so hard lately. I just…I don’t think I’m in a place where I can be what you need. I’m sorry.” 

Soobin swallowed, nodding even as he felt his heart break. “I understand,” he said quietly, managing a small smile despite the ache in his chest. “I just…I just wanted to be honest with you. I’m glad I got to say it, even if…well, even if it’s not what I hope for.” 

Kai’s face softened, and he reached out to place a hand on Soobin’s shoulder. “Thank you, Soobin-hyung. For being honest with me. You’re an amazing friend. I… hope this doesn’t change anything between us. 

Soobin nodded, feeling the weight of both relief and sadness. “Yeah. Of course.” 

The bell rang, cutting through the quiet moment between them, and Soobin took a step back, letting Kai’s hand fall away. “We should probably get to class,” he said, his voice steady as he hung his head and felt his heart breaking a little more with every step. 

Soobin walked in the direction of his classroom, Kai going the opposite way somewhat sullenly. Soobin felt tears immediately swell in his eyes as he turned away from Kai, seemingly uncontrollable as they fell to the floor as he attempted to blink them away. 

Soobin didn’t go to class. No. Instead, he trailed to the school basement, lips quivering and tears soaking his chest. He cried his heart out, crying for the love he would never have the pleasure of experiencing. 

💙

Soobin felt like he was drifting. Everything felt both lighter and heavier––the relief of telling Kai the truth, mixed with the ache of knowing Kai didn’t feel the same way. He told himself he could live with this, that he was stupid for expecting anything more than this. 

He held the mask in his hands silently, eyes red as he blinked and rubbed the edge of the mask carefully. He sighed, his heart heavy with the decision he had postponed for as long as he could. He hadn’t planned to ever consider the mask’s final offer, but now…now it felt like his only choice. If he couldn’t have Kai’s love as a human, maybe he could be by his side as a cat––without the burden of heartbreak, without the need for words or complicated feelings. Just a silent, loyal companion. 

He took a deep breath, slipping the mask over his face. The transformation rippled through him once more, shrinking his form, sharpening his senses, the room around him expanding as his perspective shifted. When he looked up, he saw his tiny reflection in the mirror––a white kitten with wide, blue eyes, familiar yet distant. 

This time, he knew it was permanent. 

Without looking back, he slipped out of the basement and ran through the streets to Kai’s house. His heart pounded as he neared it, feeling both excitement and the lingering sadness of his human self fading away. When he reached Kai’s doorstep, he meowed softly, pawing at the door. After a few moments, he heard footsteps approaching, and then the door opened. 

Kai looked down, a tired smile crossing his face as he knelt to greet Soobin. “Hey, little Binnie. You came back. I was worried I wouldn’t see you again.” The warmth of Kai’s nickname for the kitten caused Soobin to ache. 

Soobin purred, rubbing against Kai’s hand, relieved that at least as a cat he could still feel his warmth, even if it was a one-sided connection. But as Kai picked him up, cradling him in his arms, Soobin realized something had changed. 

Kai’s voice sounded…strange. Faint, distant, like an echo through water. He couldn’t understand his words. He heard Kai’s laughter, the gentle timbre of his voice, but it was a meaningless melody, comforting yet unreachable. The realization hit him with a wave of panic: he had lost the ability to understand Kai, and Kai couldn’t know who he was anymore. In choosing to stay as a cat, Soobin had left behind everything he had once shared with Kai. 

Kai stroked his fur, talking to him in the soft, soothing way he always did. But Soobin could only stare, his heart torn between relief and sorrow. He nuzzled closer, accepting the silence, knowing this was how things would be from now on. Kai was right there, yet he was farther away than ever. 

That evening, after spending a few peaceful hours curled up beside Kai, Soobin was gently let out as the boy went to bed. The cool night air greeted him as he stepped onto the sidewalk, the unfamiliar quiet settling over him. He hadn’t thought about where he would go next; he hadn’t planned beyond being near Kai. Now, standing in the dim glow of the streetlights, he realized he had nowhere else to go. 

He padded through the empty streets, his tiny form slipping through the shadows as he wandered aimlessly. The world felt vast and lonely, and each corner he turned was as foreign as the last. He tried to remember where he was, but the once-familiar roads twisted and blurred in his mind. His senses were sharp, but without the map of his human memories, he felt disoriented, lost. 

As the night wore on, he found himself in parts of the city he’d never seen before. The warmth of Kai’s home felt like a distant memory now, and all he had was the faint glimmer of streetlights and the chill of the wind. He continued wandering, hoping to find a familiar landmark, but all he could see were unfamiliar streets, silent houses, and shadows stretching long into the night. 

Eventually, exhausted, he curled up under a bench, his small body shivering against the cold. He closed his eyes, fighting the ache in his heart, the loneliness that felt so heavy in his chest. He had wanted so badly to be close to Kai, to forget the pain of rejection, but now he was left with a different kind of heartache––a silent, nameless one that lingered in the empty spaces where his dreams of Kai had once been. 

The night passed slowly, and Soobin lay there, feeling the weight of his decision settle fully for the first time. He was no longer the boy who had loved Kai. He was just a stray kitten now, alone in the world. 

💙

On the fifth day, Soobin wandered through the streets in the early morning, his fur ruffled and dirty from sleeping in alleys and under benches. Hunger gnawed at his stomach, but he had learned to ignore it, just as he’d grown accustomed to the loneliness that followed him like a shadow. He tried not to think of Kai, but the memories haunted him in the quiet of each passing night. 

He turned a corner, padding down a sidewalk where a cluster of newspapers lay discarded in a stack by a newsstand. As he moved closer, the familiar faces on the cover caught his eye, stopping him in his tracks. He blinked, his small heart pounding with recognition. 

It was a picture of his family––his grandparents, their faces lined with worry, standing outside their house. A headline in bold, unreadable to his kitten eyes but unmistakable in its tone, seemed to shout about his disappearance. His grandmother looked distraught, clinging to his grandfather’s arm, her eyes filled with a pain that cut through Soobin’s heart like a knife. He wanted to reach out, to let her know that he was okay, but the reality of his form struck him harder than ever. He could never go home again. 

As he continued down the street, he began to see them everywhere––posters hanging on telephone poles, pictures of him, the boy he used to be. His school photo, his shy smile captured in a memory he could no longer claim as his own, stared back at him from every corner. Missing, they all read, as if trying to pull him back to a life he’d abandoned. He could imagine his siblings, probably feeling guilty and scared, wondering where he was, clinging to each other for comfort as his grandparents reassured them with hollow words.

The weight of his choice settled over him like a shroud. He had wanted to escape his human feelings, the heartache of unrequited love, but now he was trapped in a different kind of pain––one that left him more alone than ever. He lowered his head and turned away from the posters, the faces of his family burned into his temporal lobe.  

As he walked through an alley, he was jolted from his thoughts by a low growl. He froze, his fur bristling as two large stray dogs appeared at the end of the alley, their eyes fixed on him with predatory hunger. Panic seized him, but he forced his legs to move, darting toward the opposite end of the alley.

But he was small. And they were fast. Before he could reach the street, one of them lunged, its teeth sinking into his side. He let out a sharp yowl of pain, struggling to free himself, but the other dog was on him in an instant, snapping at his legs. Pain shot through him, hot and unbearable, and he felt himself weakening, his vision blurring as the dogs tore at his small, fragile body. 

With a final, broken mewl, Soobin’s vision went dark, the sounds of snarling dogs fading into silence as he slipped away. 

🤍

When he opened his eyes once more, he found himself in a strange, ethereal space––a boundless, misty realm that seemed neither fully dark nor light. The pain was gone, replaced by a strange numbness that filled his entire being. He looked down at himself and realized he was in his human form again, still wearing his school uniform. The shadow sat at his desk, however that was possible. 

He looked down, disoriented, until he noticed another figure approaching him from the mist. A boy, presumably the same age as him, with dark eyes and a mischievous smile. He had a calm, almost resigned look on his face, as though he’d been here for a long time. 

“Newbie, huh?” the boy asked, tilting his head as he studied Soobin. “Name’s Beomgyu.” 

Soobin managed a small nod, his voice barely above a whisper. “I…I’m Soobin. Where am I?” 

Beomgyu sighed, shrugging. “We call it ‘the place between.’ It’s where souls like us end up after we chose to be cats and lost our human lives for good. Sort of like a waiting room…but, uh, forever.”

Soobin’s heart sank. “So…this is it? I’m just…stuck here?” 

Beomgyu’s smile turned a little sad. “Pretty much. I’ve been here for six months now. Everyone here chose to give up their humanity, thinking life would be easier as a cat. But once you make that choice, you lose everything you thought you’d escape. All that’s left is…well, this.” 

Soobin looked around, feeling a hollow despair settle over him. He thought of Kai, his family, the life he’d left behind, and the posters of his missing face scattered around town. “Is there…any way out?” 

Beomgyu’s gaze softened, and he leaned in closer, his voice dropping to a murmur. “There is one way the others told me about. It’s not exactly…pleasant, but it’s better than nothing. I’ve been thinking about it for a while myself. The only way to escape this place is to…let go of everything. Fully. No memories, no lingering attachments. It’s like…letting yourself drift until there’s nothing left.” 

Soobin sighed, his chest tightening with both fear and a strange sense of peace.

Maybe it would be best he stayed here. Lord knows how much he screwed everything up in the real world. He's sure his family would be able to move on. They could learn to be happy again without him; just like how he learned to be happy again when his parents died.

He struggled with making the decision. Choosing to never see his family again, wasting away in this endless expanse of nothingness. It seemed fitting for the forgettable middle-child of the family. 

Weeks passed. Soobin was haunted by the cycle of memories with Kai looping in his head over and over. That's when he decided. He would much rather face loneliness than stay trapped in this empty limbo haunted by memories he couldn’t reach. 

Beomgyu offered his hand, his smile gentle but resolute. “You don’t have to do it alone.” 

With a shaky breath, Soobin took Beomgyu’s hand, feeling a warmth that steadied him. The shadow stood up from its desk, facing the two with a menacing aura surrounding him. “Close your eyes and follow me.” Soobin closed his eyes, feeling himself being tugged forward by Beomgyu quickly. “Breathe. Then drift.” Beomgyu’s grip on him loosened, Soobin following his instructions as Beomgyu closed his eyes and grabbed Soobin’s other hand. They let themselves drift into the mist, the world around them beginning to fade. Their forms dissolved into the soft light as they surrendered to the unknown. 

Soobin’s last thought was a feeling of release, a sense that maybe, just maybe, he had finally found peace. 

🩵

Kai had been restless since Soobin’s disappearance, his guilt gnawing at him like an ache that wouldn’t fade. He retraced Soobin’s steps, visiting their usual hangouts and asking friends and teachers, but each lead was a dead end. Every time he saw the missing posters plastered around town, a fresh wave of guilt washed over him. He couldn’t stop wondering if his rejection had somehow driven Soobin away. He kept replaying their conversation in his mind, wondering if he could’ve been gentler, more understanding. 

It was late afternoon, and the autumn sun cast long shadows across the park. Kai’s search had brought him here, hoping for some clue, anything that might point to Soobin’s whereabouts. Exhausted, he sat under an old tree, resting his head against its trunk and closing his eyes. 

“Where are you, Soobin-hyung?” he whispered to the empty air, his voice tinged with sorrow. The gentle rustling of leaves was his only reply. 

Just as he was about to drift off for a moment’s rest, a sudden weight crashed down on him. Startled, he hit his head against the trunk, caught off guard as two bodies fell from the branches above, landing right on top of him.

“Woah––what the…” Kai’s eyes widened as he tried to process what had just happened. 

Two figures lay sprawled on either side of him, and he blinked, stunned, as they slowly pulled themselves upright. Soobin and another boy––a face he vaguely recognized as Beomgyu, a student the same age as Soobin who had been missing for a while as well––looked back at him, both equally bewildered. But it wasn’t just their sudden appearance that shocked him; there was something strange about them both. 

They looked…different. Both had a pair of soft, twitching cat ears atop their heads, Beomgyu’s blending naturally into his hair while Soobin’s was a stark white, contrasting his naturally black hair. Long, fluffy tails trailed behind them. Kai’s mouth fell ajar, his mind racing to catch up with what he was seeing. 

“S-Soobin-hyung?” Kai stammered, his heart tumbling in his chest. He reached out, almost afraid that his hand would pass right through, as if this was some kind of dream. That if he touched him right here he would somehow break the fragile reality in front of him. 

Soobin blinked, looking just as surprised as Kai, his own hand lifting to his head, fingers brushing against his new, sensitive cat ears. He glanced at Beomgyu, who seemed equally dazed but managed to flash a mischievous smile. 

“Guess we’re back,” Beomgyu murmured, his tail flicking behind him in mild amusement. 

Kai’s voice was barely a whisper. “What…what happened to you?”

Soobin looked down, a faint blush coloring his cheeks. “It’s…a long story.” He glanced at Beomgyu, who gave him a small nod, as if encouraging him to continue. “But…I’m here, Kai. I’m…sorry I disappeared.” 

The reality of the moment fully hit Kai, and he let out a shaky breath. Relief flooded his features as he pulled Soobin into a hug, his arms wrapping tightly around him. “I thought…I thought I’d lost you,” Kai admitted, his voice breaking. “I didn’t know where you’d gone, and I…I was scared.” 

Soobin returned the hug, his new tail automatically curling around them both, his ears pressing back in a mix of nervousness and relief. “I didn’t mean to make you worry, Kai. I just…I need time to figure things out.” 

Kai pulled back, his gaze shifting between Soobin and Beomgyu, still marveling at their unexpected transformation. “But…the ears, the tail… are you…?” 

Soobin looked down, his smile small but hopeful. “It’s…complicated. Um…how about we go sit somewhere? I could sure use a warm meal right about now.” 

“Are you kidding me, hyung?! We should go to the police station first, if anything! You’ve gotta let your family know you’re ok––” Kai rationalized, eyes wide as he stared at the older. 

“I promise! I’ll do all of that. I just…I really need to talk to you for a minute.” Soobin interjected, determined expression on his face. 

Kai relaxed, shoulders relaxing as he slightly sighed. “Okay.” 

🩵

As the three of them walked into the nearby hamburger restaurant, Soobin and Beomgyu curled into themselves, trying not to bring attention to their newfound cat ears from the curious glances around them. They slid into a booth in the back corner, the dim lighting a small relief from the stares they were receiving. 

Kai eyed them both, a mix of wonder and amusement on his face. “Okay, I think I deserve an explanation,” he said, trying to keep his voice light. “How did…all this happen?” 

Beomgyu sighed, glancing down as he idly flicked his tail. “It’s…complicated. There’s this, uh, deity––or maybe a spirit? It offered us a choice, and…we chose this.” 

Soobin fidgeted, embarrassed, his cheeks flushed as he tugged his tail closer, hoping to keep it hidden under the table. “I didn’t really think things through,” he admitted quietly. “I just…wanted a way to be close to you, Kai. To be there without––without all the complications.” 

Kai’s expression softened, his gaze shifting to Soobin. “Soobin-hyung…so you…you did all this for me?” 

Soobin couldn’t meet Kai’s eyes, his embarrassment deepening. He nodded slightly, looking down at his hands. “I thought…if I could stay as a cat, I wouldn’t have to deal with my feelings. I could just…be by your side.” 

Beomgyu cleared his throat, giving Kai a teasing smile. “Turns out, living life as a full-time cat is a lot harder than it sounds. Plus, these ears and tails don’t exactly make us inconspicuous.”

Kai chuckled, shaking his head as he took in the surreal reality of his friends’ new feline features. “Well, I can’t lie. It’s…cute,” he said, smiling as Soobin’s ears flickered at the word. 

As the conversation continued, Soobin felt the weight of everything he’d done for Kai, the embarrassment and frustration gnawing at him. With a sudden rush of determination he stood up from the booth. 

“I…I need to go to the police station,” he blurted, gripping the edge of the table. “I can’t just pretend everything’s normal anymore. My family––they’re probably still looking for me.”

Kai’s expression slightly darkened, and he reached out, catching Soobin’s wrist before he could run. “Wait, Soobin-hyung. I need to tell you something first.” 

Soobin looked back, his heart pounding. Kai’s hand was warm around his wrist, firm yet gentle, as though he was afraid to let go. 

Kai took a deep breath, his eyes earnest. “The reason I rejected you that day––it wasn’t because I didn’t care about you, Soobin-hyung. I just…I didn’t want to drag you into my mess.”

Soobin’s ears twitched, and he felt his heart skip. “What…what do you mean?” 

Kai’s gaze softened, a shadow passing over his face. “My family’s been falling apart. My dad…he’s been struggling with money, and Hiyyih and I are just trying to keep it together. I thought…if I let you in, I’d be dragging you into all that pain. And I didn’t want to hurt you, Soobin-hyung.” 

Soobin’s voice was barely a whisper. “So…you rejected me because you wanted to protect me?” 

Kai nodded silently, his eyes filled with a mix of regret and longing. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t…love you, Soobin-hyung. I tried to ignore it, tried to convince myself this was for the best. But…then you went missing…and I felt like I was going insane. I wanted to keep you safe, but I think I only ended up hurting you.” 

Soobin’s heart swelled, his breath catching as he looked into Kai’s eyes, filled with sincerity and warmth. He swallowed, feeling a tentative, hopeful smile tugging at his lips. “I…I love you too.” 

Kai’s face softened, and without a word, he gently pulled Soobin into a hug. Soobin felt himself relax, his cat ears pressing back against his head as he let himself melt into Kai’s arms, all the tension and worry fading away. 

Beomgyu cleared his throat, smirking at them both. “I’ll just take my leave, then.” 

Kai laughed, pulling back from Soobin just enough to glance at Beomgyu. “Hey, don’t think you’re off the hook. I gotta know why you turned into a cat too. Now that we’re all best friends. ” 

Beomgyu panickedly blinked, awkward smile on his face as he averted eye contact with both of them. “No…particular reason. It’s not that important. What matters is that we’re back, and you’re in love with Soobin! Focus on that!” 

Soobin laughed softly, the weight of his journey finally lifting, replaced by the warmth of Kai’s embrace and the love they all shared. 

For the first time since this all began, Soobin felt whole again.

🩵

As the sun set over the town, casting a warm golden glow, Beomgyu found himself standing outside the small cafe where he and Yeonjun used to meet up after school. His heart pounded as he adjusted his hood, tugging it low over his cat ears. This was the first time he’d seen Yeonjun since his disappearance, and though he felt excited, he couldn’t deny the mix of anxiety and embarrassment swirling inside him. 

The bell above the cafe door chimed, and Beomgyu looked up to see Yeonjun walking toward him, his face lighting up in surprise and relief. Beomgyu’s heart skipped, feeling a warmth he hadn’t felt in a long time. 

“Beomgyu…” Yeonjun breathed, stopping just in front of him. His eyes softened as he took in Beomgyu’s familiar features, the same mischievous spark in his gaze that he remembered so well. But when he noticed the faint outline of ears beneath Beomgyu’s hood, his eyebrows raised. “Is that…are those cat ears?”

Beomgyu flushed, a sheepish smile spreading across his face as he pushed back his hood, letting his ears twitch freely. “Yeah…long story.” He muttered, scratching his head. “But hey, I guess this is what happens when you disappear for a while.” 

Yeonjun laughed softly, shaking his head in disbelief. “I always thought you had a bit of a wild side, but I didn’t think you’d take it this literally.” His voice was teasing, but there was a softness there, a fondness that made Beomgyu’s heart race.

“Yeah, yeah, make fun of the cat boy,” Beomgyu grumbled, but he couldn’t keep the smile off his face. For a moment, they just stood there, a comfortable silence settling between them. Then, Yeonjun’s expression turned serious, his gaze searching Beomgyu’s face. 

“You have no idea how worried I was,” Yeonjun said quietly. “I thought I’d never see you again. I looked everywhere––asked everyone ––praying you’d just show back up one day.” 

Beomgyu swallowed thickly, the weight of his disappearance settling over him. “I’m sorry, Yeonjun-hyung. I didn’t mean to make you worry like that.” He hesitated, looking down. “I…I was going through a lot, and…I thought I could escape it all. I didn’t realize how much I’d be giving up.” 

Yeonjun reached out, lifting Beomgyu’s chin so their eyes met. “Well, you’re here now,” he murmured, his thumb brushing softly against Beomgyu’s cheek. “That’s what matters to me.” 

Beomgyu felt his cheeks grow warm, his heart racing as he searched Yeonjun’s eyes, feeling a pull he couldn’t ignore. “Yeonjun-hyung, I… there’s something I need to tell you.” 

Yeonjun smiled gently, nodding for him to continue.

“I…I’ve liked you for a long time,” Beomgyu admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. “I thought maybe you just saw me as a friend, so I never said anything. But…after everything, I don’t want to keep it to myself more.” 

Yeonjun’s eyes softened, and he let out a small laugh, shaking his head in disbelief. “Beomgyu, you have no idea…I’ve felt the same way about you since… forever.”

Beomgyu blinked, his heart stuttering. “You…you have?”

Yeonjun nodded, his gaze warm and tender. “I’ve always loved you, Beomgyu. I was just too afraid to say it first. I thought…maybe you wouldn’t feel the same way.” 

Beomgyu’s breath caught in his throat, a wave of relief and joy flooding over him. He reached out, pulling Yeonjun into a tight hug, burying his face against his shoulder as his tail curled happily around them. 

Yeonjun chuckled, wrapping his arms around Beomgyu, holding him close. “Guess we were both fools, huh?” 

Beomgyu nodded, pulling back just enough to look up into Yeonjun’s eyes. “Yeah. But at least we finally got here.” 

Yeonjun leaned down, pressing a gentle kiss to Beomgyu’s forehead, and Beomgyu closed his eyes, savoring the warmth of the moment, feeling like he’d finally come home. 

🩵

The sun was setting over the park, casting warm hues across the sky as Soobin and Kai strolled side by side, the air filled with the gentle buzz of early evening. They had planned this simple, quiet date to make up for the whirlwind of emotions they’d both gone through the week before, and Soobin felt a peaceful contentment settling over him that he hadn’t felt in ages. 

Kai glanced over, a playful smirk tugging at his lips. “So…how’s life with cat ears and a tail treating you?” 

Soobin chuckled, his fingers instinctively reaching up to touch one of his ears, which flicked slightly at his own touch. “It’s…different,” he admitted, a small smile breaking across his face. “At first, I kept hitting things with my tail whenever I turned around too quickly. I almost knocked over my grandparents’ lamp the other night.” 

Kai burst out laughing, and Soobin blushed, though he couldn’t help but laugh along. “The weirdest part,” Soobin continued, “is that sometimes my ears just…move on their own. Like, if I hear a sound I wasn’t expecting, they’ll twitch, and I can’t control it.” 

Kai tilted his head, his eyes warm as he took in Soobin’s features with a soft smile. “Honestly? I think it’s adorable.” 

Soobin’s face grew even warmer, and he playfully nudged Kai with his shoulder. “Easy for you to say––you’re not the one being mistaken for a cosplayer everywhere you go.” 

Kai grinned, reaching out to gently run his fingers over the soft fur of one of Soobin’s ears. Soobin felt a shiver run down his spine, his ears instinctively flicking back at the touch, and he bit back a smile as Kai laughed again. 

“You really are getting used to this,” Kai murmured, his hand lingering at the base of Soobin’s ear before he let it fall back to his side. 

They continued their walk, eventually finding a quiet spot under a tree, where they sat side by side, watching the sky as it turned from orange to a soft, dusky purple. For a moment, they were both silent, just enjoying each other’s presence and the gentle peace of the evening. 

Soobin felt his tail swish lazily behind him, curling slightly around his side. “You know,” he said softly, “I think…I think I’ve finally made peace with it. I’m not just that quiet guy trying to get by in school anymore. I get to be here, like this, with you.” 

Kai’s expression softened, and he reached over, intertwining his fingers with Soobin’s. “I’m glad. Because I wouldn’t want you any other way.” 

Soobin’s heart swelled, and he squeezed Kai’s hand, his gaze warm as he looked into Kai’s eyes. “I never thought I’d end up here, with you, like this,” he admitted, his voice soft. “But…I’m glad I did.” 

Kai leaned in, his voice a gentle whisper. “Me too.”

With a final, gentle smile, Soobin leaned forward, meeting Kai in a tender kiss, his heart feeling full and steady, all his past worries melting away. He was here, with Kai, just as he was meant to be. And for the first time, Soobin felt like his genuine self once more. 

Fin