Chapter Text
It wasn’t until after Sodia had sought him out in Nor Harbor that Yuri realized he’d never sent Flynn any sort of letter or message after Zaude. Oops .
And now they were sailing through the air towards what was supposed to be quite the battle between knights and monsters. To Flynn. He’s going to have my head .
Obviously Flynn knew he was alive. Sodia wouldn’t have sought him out otherwise, but he was beginning to wonder if she had done it on her own accord. He really wondered if Flynn would have sent him a plea for help like that.
It was obvious Sodia was still trying to look after Flynn. Even if she was failing miserably at doing so and suddenly Yuri was having second thoughts about keeping her attempted murder to himself. He told her he wouldn’t tell anyone.
For now.
And that was the most important part of their conversation. He’d wait and see what she’ll do just like he promised. He really can’t hate her for trying to kill him. It was an incredible show of loyalty to Flynn.
It was something Yuri couldn’t do for his best friend because Flynn couldn’t have Yuri by his side and Yuri had realized that in the months after Zaude. It took a lot of thinking, a lot of quiet watches by the campfire, but he understood it eventually. Just why Sodia tried to do what she did. Tried to kill him in cold blood.
Raven had filled him in on a good deal of what happened during the week he was unconscious. The week they’d spent searching for him every waking moment they could. How Flynn and Estelle had nearly killed themselves. Yuri had already talked to Estelle about that; how she’d better not ever do that again in his name or he’d come back from the grave to haunt her.
He was not worth it.
Hopefully Flynn learned from his mistake, but he’d still talk to him about it either way.
After he had his ass handed to him because Flynn was still going to kill him.
Shaking his head Yuri leaned against the railing of the Fiertia and closed his eyes, enjoying the wind. He loved being up in the sky with Ba’ul; the air was invigorating and it always gave him the energy he needed to push onto their next task.
Although, he’d admit that the first time he hopped back on the boat and started soaring through the clouds he didn’t want to be near the rails. It’d taken a few weeks for him to get over the vertigo and flashbacks to the rush of air when he thought it was over.
It still sent a shock down his spine every now and then. Not to mention the ache in his side still twinged from time to time. He was pretty much back to his old self, plus a very pink scar that he had somehow managed to hide from everyone so far.
“Yuri?”
Yuri looked up to find Estelle walking across the deck towards him. He smiled and straightened up a little. Estelle had been a godsend these past weeks. She’d managed to keep everyone together even after everything that had happened to her involving Alexei because after his fall Yuri had a hard time trying to keep himself from falling apart.
“Whats up?” He asked kicking his sword sheath he’d put down aside so she could come up next to him.
Estelle stood for a moment by the rail taking in the air before looking up at him. “Are you okay?”
“Huh? Where’d that come from?” Damn, she’s getting way too perceptive .
“Well, you haven’t seen Flynn since…”
And Yuri laughed. “I was just thinking about that, actually. I think I forgot to send him a ‘Hey, I’m alive’ letter. He’s going to kill me.”
Estelle frowned.
“Flynn is not going to kill you,” she said firmly before averting her eyes with a sheepish smile. “He’ll have to kill both of us, then, because I forgot to write him as well. If I’d been thinking at all…”
But that was the thing, she figured, Estelle hadn’t been thinking. At all. She’d been so filled with relief and elation over finding him alive that it just...hadn’t happened. And she felt terrible about it, but in the days she’d spent looking after him in the lower quarter, her focus had been on him and only him and ultimately, she was okay with that. Still, she did feel bad about it.
“Nah,” Yuri graced with his most charming smirk. “He couldn’t be mad at you even if he wanted. It’s not in his blood. Me? He’s gunna take his first opening and clock me a good one.”
Not that I don’t have it coming . Cause Yuri totally did.
About an hour later is when Karol spotted the dust cloud rising into the sky from the land below them. All Yuri could do for a little bit was stare down at the stormy haze with his mouth hanging open. All of that... all of it came from monsters. Monsters and knights battling.
Damn, Flynn. What did you get yourself into ?
Leave it to his best friend to get lost in that mess. In a battle that was so obviously hopeless and one sided it hurt to watch. Well, it’s not hopeless anymore . They had a plan, they had a weapon and all they had to do was get down there, find Flynn, battle their way into the middle of a tangled web of deranged monsters, and release it.
Easy as pie. Right? Although some would argue pie is anything but easy.
It didn’t take any convincing. Everyone had agreed to go before Yuri even asked back in the harbor so Judy made sure Ba’ul landed far enough away where the Vesperia Number 1 couldn’t harm him and they took off like bats out of hell towards the hurricane of dust, screams, clangs, and groans.
The battle had been going on for a long time, Yuri could tell that much. Bodies were everywhere; both monster and knight alike and it smelled like death and blood and left Yuri wishing he hadn’t eaten that snack a couple hours ago. But still, they ran.
Ran until Yuri spotted blonde bobbing through the dust and a familiar voice ringing out orders and encouragement. Flynn stood at the front line, leading the attack himself. He would never hide himself behind his soldiers. If they were going to die Flynn would make sure he’d be the last to go and that everyone else made it out alive.
He was so much like their captain. So much the person this world deserved.
Yuri almost froze dead in the middle of his run as he watched Flynn. He’d been lying through his teeth to his friends this far. Lying about Sodia, and Zaude, and his feelings, and..well a whole lot. And it hurt, but it was necessary right now. Saving the world and it’s people was way more important than his feelings. But lying to Flynn? That was going to be a million times harder than anything.
Raven stopped next to him and raised an eyebrow in silent questioning and Yuri just nodded before taking off again.
“Flynn!”
Flynn jerked when a familiar voice rang out across the battlefield and he looked past the dust and furor of the fighting to see an equally familiar figure running through it all towards him. He froze and just barely missed getting his head being taken off by a monster.
His jaw fell open.
Of course. Of course .
"About damn time!" he bellowed in the midst of hacking away at an overgrown eggbear, “You couldn’t be bothered to send a friggin’ note, you ass?”
Oh, he’d found out about Yuri being alive, of course, and had at the time been so relieved that his knees had given out. Thankfully in the privacy of his own quarters, because it would have been entirely inappropriate (not to mention mortifying) to react like that in front of his knights. Flynn hadn’t actually seen Yuri since Zaude, however, and it was one thing to receive confirmation of his survival and quite another to see him here, alive, and in the flesh.
And yet, despite his relief (or maybe because of his relief), Flynn kind of wanted to punch his lights out.
“Oh come on Flynn!” Yuri rolled his eyes at his friend. He totally deserved this, but he wasn’t going to take it without a fight. Even if it was just for fun.
And because he really missed doing this to his best friend. “We’ve been kind of busy if you haven’t noticed! Saving the world and everything.”
“Letters don’t take very long,” Flynn replied with a roll of his eyes.
“Meh.” Yuri waved a hand through the air as he spun around in a series of spins taking down two monsters consecutively. “Lecture me later about manners. Right now we’re here to save you. Again.”
“Excuse you!” Flynn snapped back, “ Who needs saving?”
“You, obviously.”
“You’re unbelievable and out of your damn mind! Don’t even think you’re getting away with not writing me! That’s number seventeen, by the way,” Flynn countered and chucked what had once been a poison-spewing bat in Yuri’s direction.
“We’re counting now? That’s no fair, you got a head start!” Yuri swung around to go back-to-back with Flynn, his sword strokes matching his friend’s perfectly.
Flynn grinned, bright and with teeth.
“You’d better start catching up, then!”
“And people say I’m the bad influence…” Yuri let a small ‘che’ click between his teeth. “We’ll see about that, but for now. Let me tell you about this thing our genius mage whipped up the other day.”
And true to Rita’s word the Vesperia Number 1 worked like a charm. An amazing, impossible charm that left everyone on the battlefield with their jaws dropped. Yuri included. Rita really was something else. Man, I’m kinda glad she wasn’t the thief now .
And that was where Yuri had to stop for a moment and just look around him. At Estelle running to every injured person as fast as her feet could take her and Raven urging those that could to get up on their feet and make it to camp. Judy and Karol helping some limp around the rubble and Rita making sure the aer in the area wasn’t going bring anymore monsters.
Then there was Flynn in the middle of it all helping and ordering and cleaning and doing everything at once. “Like always…”
Yuri frowned as he stretched his arms in front of him, they’d been fighting a lot more recently and he hadn’t really noticed just how stiff he was. Or how much his side still had to heal. It hurt right now in a way that it hadn’t since a couple days after waking up in Zaphias. He couldn’t help the flinch that made him double over for a quick second which he tried to cover up by leaning over to pick up his sword sheath.
That was classy. And look at that...Flynn’s staring at me.
Flynn hadn’t missed Yuri’s quick show of pain. Maybe someone else wouldn’t have seen but Flynn hadn’t seen his best friend in what felt like ages and was drinking in every detail of him, and that flinch hadn’t gotten past him by a long shot.
Frowning, Flynn walked over to where Yuri stood, barely resisting the urge to do a walk around him just to make sure. If this wasn’t eventually going to become a fist fight (and let’s be real, it probably would), then doing that definitely would. Even though Flynn still definitely wanted to punch Yuri’s face in a little bit.
“You okay?” he asked, and he didn’t wait for a reply before a quick and dirty first aid circle was lighting up under his feet.
The scuffs and bruises and scrapes disappeared but Yuri didn’t look like he really felt better, even though superficial injuries were the only ones that Flynn could see. That…was really weird. A really not good kind of weird.
Yuri waited a minute until the stinging on his skin stopped and let out the breath he’d suddenly held go very slowly. “Yep, we’re good.” he bit out a little more high pitched than he intended.
Mostly because that was a lie. Sure the little cuts he didn’t even realize he’d gotten during the fight were now gone and that bruise on his shoulder from the other day was finally not bothering him, but healing hurt more now a days than anything else.
Yuri never really understood magic. It was something he never bothered to get; it took too much studying and time and...effort. He always said he’d leave the complicated stuff to the people who had the drive. He didn’t so he never bothered to try. He didn’t need magic or healing arts. He had his sword and as long as it was between him and his enemy that was all that really mattered.
It wasn’t between his stomach and Sodia, however and that’s when Yuri started paying attention a little more to Estelle’s healing. When he’d told her his ribs hurt she focused on his bones and muscles in his chest. When she saw a particular cut the warmth from the flash of a spell was always hotter right over the wound.
When he didn’t tell her what was hurt it wasn’t that it didn’t get healed. It was more like it didn’t get healed properly. So now when he got a cut on his arm and Estelle healed him he felt it in his side more than anywhere else. Because it hurt when it wasn’t supposed to.
Damn, why did Flynn have to know first aid anyway? Didn’t he have a whole battalion of healers in his army? Over achiever.
Finally shaking himself Yuri put his sword back in its sheath with slightly shaking hands and cocked his head to the side as he looked back up at Flynn. “Thanks for that.”
But not really.
“Don’t mention it,” Flynn said with an upward tilt of his lips but didn’t really feel better. How could he when it was so obvious that something wasn’t as it should be?
Still, this was the first time he’d seen Yuri since the fight with Alexei atop Zaude and there was a lot to talk about and a lot had happened, and Flynn put his reservations inside a neatly organized file that he kept in his head to think about and remember later. He reached out and clapped Yuri on the shoulder, squeezing a second longer than he normally would have.
“Can we go…” he made a gesture to an area that was out of earshot, away from the hustle and bustle. “We should talk. Play catch-up.” Now that the action was over and done with (holy hell had that been a weapon) Flynn was more focused on other things, like the well being of his best friend.
Yuri looked okay as far as everything went but looking okay and being okay were not the same things at all, and as of late...well, Flynn seemed to do better these days if he looked things over himself instead of trusting it to others, even if it made his life a little more difficult.
It seemed that everyone had their jobs that they needed to do and as newly minted commandant Flynn had plenty on his plate, but this was important .
“Uh, sure,” Yuri replied with a raised eyebrow and followed Flynn out to the quiet clearing that was currently void of people.
Flynn stopped abruptly and turned to face him, scrutinizing him up and down. And then without warning he reached out to scrub his hand over Yuri’s hair in a manner reminiscent of their noogie-giving youth.
“I’m glad you’re okay,” he said fiercely. “I was so worried.”
Yuri batted at Flynn’s hand. “The hell, Flynn? I’m not twelve anymore and neither are you.”
“I beg to differ.”
Yuri rolled his eyes and sighed, putting a hand on his hip...and immediately dropped it. Ow, I’ve gotta stop doing that .
Yuri turned to walk back towards the crowd of soldiers. “Well now that you’ve petted me to make sure I’m not a ghost, shall we? Looks like there’s a lot to do and we’ve got some news for you that you’ll probably want to hear.”
In all honestly Yuri didn’t like being away from Estelle and everyone right now. It was awkward and he just wanted to get down to business before he would have to inevitably lie to Flynn. He’d already almost slipped up a whole bunch both during the battle and now after and he knew Flynn saw. It was just how much longer would it take for him to mention something?
Flynn didn’t budge. Oh come on. Don’t...please don’t.
“You coming or should I save you a bowl of Raven’s famous post battle vegetable soup?” Yuri turned to face his friend and raised an eyebrow through his bangs which he prayed were hiding the anxiety written all over his face.
Yuri Lowell didn’t get anxious and Flynn knew that. Why? Why was he two steps away from freaking out? He hadn’t been thus far...why does Flynn always have to do this to him?
Flynn stayed where he was and trusted that Yuri wouldn’t walk away without him. His instincts proved true when Yuri turned back to him and shifted uneasily. He didn’t have a lot of tells but the ones he did have Flynn knew, and he was showing the major ones: the shiftiness, the quick hiding of his face in his hair, and the sudden change in subject.
It didn’t add up entirely but the options weren’t good.
Yuri had something to hide from him, which meant that it would either hurt him or hurt someone around him.
Yuri had something to hide that was making him legitimately upset.
Flynn reached out and gripped Yuri by the arm, squeezing down when muscles tensed under his palm.
“Are you alright, Yuri?” he asked very seriously, “You’re acting kind of strange. You’re not…” he fumbled for words and his mouth felt dry, “Are you sure you’re okay?”
Damnit, damnit, damnit!
“I’m fine, Flynn.” And that legitimately hurt to say.
But it was necessary, right? Because Flynn had so much crap in his life that he needed to take care of. Stuff that was way more important than some petty flashback that caught the air in Yuri’s throat every once and while. He had a world to put back together. All Yuri had to do was save it.
Honestly, Flynn had the harder job. So he had to suck it up and stop being selfish and stuff his hesitations and fears because making Flynn worry was the last thing he needed on top of his head.
“I’m fine.” He repeated a little more firmly. He was so close to losing it.
Flynn frowned and didn’t believe him in the slightest.
“I don’t know why you’re lying to me,” he said eventually. “I don’t know what you’re lying about but there’s something you’re not telling me and the more you tell me that you’re fine the less I believe you.” He looked Yuri up and down and was only more convinced that he was right.
Everyone was worn. Everyone was tired. Everyone was afraid.
But this was Yuri and he was Flynn and they’d been looking after each other for years, and that wasn’t going to change anytime soon.
“What happened to you, Yuri?” he asked. “No one’s told me anything o utside of the fact that you were alive. There was a week’s span between Zaude and when Lady Estellise found you in Zaphias.” And that was one of the things that had been eating him right along with the relief ever since he found out that Yuri was alive. And Flynn hadn’t gotten a single tangible answer so far, not from anyone.
Not from Lady Estellise, not from any of the others...and not from Yuri himself.
“What happened?”
Yuri screwed his face up, scrunching one eye shut. Of course. Of course Flynn would want to talk about that right then . It couldn’t have waited until at least dinner or at least a solid hour after the battle ended. Nope, fifteen minutes later and he was about to go over everything he never wanted to think about.
“I’d tell ya if I could.” Yuri crossed his arms over his chest as he shifted his weight from one leg to the other. “But I wasn’t really with it.”
He is so not amused . Judging by his friend’s face Yuri had a grand total of ten seconds to come up with a better less excuse.
“Look, I was out for that whole week. Duke saved me.”
Flynn raised an eyebrow. “Duke?”
Yuri nodded and tugged on a lock of his own hair. “Yeah, you know. Tall guy, white hair, deep voice, frilly jacket. Shows up at the most convenient and inconvenient times. Usually carries that sword I had at the shrine and always whines about how much he hates humans….this isn’t ringing any bells, is it?” Flynn shook his head and Yuri shrugged. “Well, whatever. I don’t know the particulars, but he saved me to save the sword and that’s about it.”
“Uh...huh.” Flynn’s raised eyebrow did not lower. “And he saved you, took care of you for a whole week, just to make sure a sword was safe.”
“Yes?”
Yuri should have known Flynn wouldn’t really buy any of it. Yuri barely bought it from Duke. Even if all of that was the truth, it just wasn’t all of the truth . Or really any good deal of it because Yuri did remember parts of that week. They had come back to him slowly, usually in the night in the form of a quick nightmare or if the wind pushed against his back just enough to make him remember.
He remembered thinking he was dead. That maybe he was in his own room in a special corner of hell. That place Barbos promised to keep for him before he flung himself off Ghasfarost. He remembered the pain and the fever. Calling out to people who weren’t there: Flynn and Estelle and even little Karol. He remembered finally submitting to the fact that they weren’t going to be there the next time he opened his eyes.
“I don’t know what to tell you.” Yuri dropped his hands to his sides and let out a huff. “The guy baffles me and I really can’t remember a whole lot. When I woke up for good he left pretty much within the next two minutes and then I ran into Estelle…” Yuri trailed off and scratched his head. Damn, and that’s where it gets foggy again . I give up.
He hadn’t even realized how much he didn’t remember. Once he was up and moving he was..well up and moving and converting spirits and saving the world. He was dealing with leading a guild and his group. Moments of frustration and anger about other things not himself. So that week had kind of faded to the background for him.
Partially because he didn’t think about it and partially because he didn’t want to think about it.
Throughout Yuri’s short speech, Flynn went very, very still until he was little more than a Flynn-shaped statue standing in the middle of a meadow.
It wasn’t the things that Yuri was saying that were important, it was what he hadn’t said. He hadn’t said a word about how he was feeling, what had happened outside of the mysterious Duke fellow picking him up out of nowhere (and Flynn wasn’t sure just how much of that he believed, either). He hadn’t said how badly he’d been hurt or why he hadn’t been able to leave Zaphias.
If it had been no big deal, Yuri would have told him in an instant.
That was just the way that he rolled. When it didn’t matter, he sang like a canary; when he was really injured or upset or compromised...that was when Yuri shut down and hid it all away. He’d always been like that and Flynn knew it; knew his tells and knew what he was saying in what he wasn’t saying.
It had to have been bad, and the thought shook Flynn down to his bones.
It had to have been really bad for Yuri to require a week’s care from a stranger, where he couldn’t do anything but rely on someone else. For him to have been unconscious for an entire week…
The thought was terrifying and it suddenly recurred to Flynn the things he’d had to spend that whole hellish week trying to accept:
That it was a very real possibility that Yuri had died.
He could have died so very, very easily and the thought was horrific. He’d gotten so used to the relief in knowing that Yuri was safe and in good hands that he’d tried to not think about how close he could have come to death and maybe that wasn’t such a good thing, because Flynn thought about it now and felt like he was freezing.
It had been so close .
He swallowed hard and forced himself to unclench his fingers from their set around his sword, tight to the point of white-knuckled. Maybe he ought to sit down with Lady Estellise and get some more details from her. Flynn fought the urge to reach out and touch, just to make sure that Yuri was solid and real and not some sort of awful ghost.
“Is that…” Flynn began, “Is that all? You don’t remember anything ?”
“I guess I don’t because that’s…” Yuri grit his teeth. “That’s all I got.”
Oh boy...he’s pale . Flynn didn’t move. Didn’t move or speak or do anything that Yuri was expecting his friend to do. (Mostly punch him). He just stood there, still as a statue, and looked Yuri up and down with his bright blue eyes.
And all Yuri wanted to do was turn and run. Really far and really fast. It was like Flynn knew about the stab wound, but how could he? No one knew. No one ...well, that was a lie because someone did know but he’d promised to keep quiet about it.
So Flynn couldn’t know, but Yuri suddenly found his hand floating to his side to cover his scar. Not that anyone could see it under his shirt, but it made him feel better. Kind of. Not really, though.
Finally Flynn shifted, eyeing Yuri’s hand before finally locking his gaze with Yuri’s. He obviously wanted to say something or ask something, but he was hesitating and that just made Yuri’s blood boil even more.
“How about you, Flynn?” Yuri suddenly found himself snapping the words harshly at his friend. “Why don’t we talk about your week? A whole week at a flooded, broken shrine. I bet a lot happened.”
Flynn flinched for a second, just a split second, and then his worry was amplified with anger that made him bristle like a furious cat.
“My week? he sputtered, “ My week?” His hands clenched harder around the hilt of his sword. “Okay, then, if that’s how you want to do it, we’ll talk about my week.”
Yuri stared as if he hadn’t expected that and Flynn felt a strange, vindictive sort of pleasure in it that was mixed with drops of guilt. Did he feel bad for how he was inevitably going to make Yuri feel? Hell yes, he did, but at the same time…
Despite the reasons, despite that Flynn had basically cornered him, Yuri had to know that what he’d just said had hurt him. He’d hit Flynn right where it hurt and Flynn wasn’t stupid, he knew his men darted around that subject and ignored the existence of that week as if it were lit up above his head that said this is Flynn Scifo’s epic sore spot . He knew that it was obvious and he was self-aware enough to know that he wasn’t over it yet.
At all.
And if Yuri remembered anything (and he did, Flynn could smell it on him), he definitely wasn’t either.
The thought was enough to make him angry.
“My week was filled with thinking my best friend was dead,” Flynn snapped and took a step forward. Yuri took a tiny step back but held his ground. “My week was filled with searching for you , from the ocean and the air and in the shrine and everywhere we could think of. I got to watch the princess run herself into the ground and couldn’t do a thing about it because otherwise I’d be a hypocrite. I got to watch your guildmaster practically shrink away to nothing. I got to... geez , Yuri. I don’t even want to think about what would have happened if it hadn’t been for Raven.” That was another sore spot, but one that didn’t sting like this one did. Nowhere close. “If you want to harsh out details, I’ll give you details. You won’t want them and I don’t really want talk about them but you’re welcome to them.”
He dragged in a harsh breath and let it out slowly.
“It was the worst week of my life, Yuri. The worst .”
And he wasn’t over it yet.
“If that’s what’s you want, we’ll talk about it. But you need to talk to me too, because right now you’re not telling me crap.”
And there’s a reason for that! But Yuri couldn’t say that because then he’d never be able to walk away from this and everything in this world would be compromised because he couldn’t keep his stupid fears in check. He’d let it slip and then Flynn would be devastated and Sodia wouldn’t be a knight and the world needed to be saved and it just couldn’t happen.
Not now!!
“Fine! You want me to talk, Flynn? I’ll talk. ” Yuri didn’t bother to keep anything in check. He outright yelled. He could talk and tell. He just couldn’t tell all of it and that’s where the rest of this conversation was going to suck.
Because he had already lied to Flynn. Now he was going to hurt his best friend on purpose just to keep that lie going.
What the hell kind of monster am I turning into?
“Where would you like me to start?” Yuri purposefully dropped his sword to the ground at his feet and turned his empty shaking hands palm up. “Where I was completely incapable of doing anything on my own? Where I was confused as hell as to what was happening or even where I was? I thought I was dead, Flynn. I thought I had failed all of you.
“I thought I had left you with the world’s biggest mess and I thought you were going to hate me. Because along the way? I became more a part of this problem than I ever intended to be and I wanted to fix it. But I couldn’t because I was in hell . Alone and I had finally realized that none of you were going to be there the next time I opened my eyes and that somehow made it better?”
Spirits, where was this coming from? Yuri couldn’t stop even though he couldn’t believe some of the things that were coming from his own mouth. Did he really feel like that? Was that what had gone through his head? He couldn’t even remember and yet..
“And then I did wake up and the only person there was Duke until he left and then I ran into Estelle and it didn’t take me long to realize what you all must have thought. That you all must have assumed I was rotting somewhere at the bottom of the ocean or washed up on some long off shore line.
“It was in her eyes, Flynn, and she cried when she thought I was sleeping, but I heard her and I hated myself even more for it.” Yuri took one step toward his friend and shook his head once. “A good knock to the head, a busted up rib cage, and one hell of a fever later I finally got to get up and get going again and pick up where I should never have left off and and...that’s why I’m here and that’s where I’m going to leave it!
“What do you want me to say, Flynn?” Yuri whipped an arm out to the side in some attempt to keep his fist from flying at his friend’s face. “That everything is perfect? That everything is the best that it could possibly be?”
And Yuri wasn’t quite sure why he suddenly felt more furious than he could ever remember getting. It was more towards himself than Flynn, but at the same time why did Flynn have to push him like that? Why did he always have to pry?
Why did Flynn Scifo have to be so Flynn Scifo?
Flynn just stared at him, narrowed eyes and arms crossed. He knew exactly how to get to Yuri and most of the time it was by not saying anything at all.
“Damnit, Flynn!” Yuri’s voice cracked and then took a couple breaths trying to calm the shake in his words.
He failed miserably. “Look, you really want to know so bad? I’m tired. I’m really tired. It’s been a hard couple of weeks and having everyone hanging over me like I’m about to crack in half isn’t helping. Yeah, I got hurt pretty bad but Estelle took really good care of me and I’m just a little sore now. That’s all. I can still fight. I can still do everything I need to do.
“I’m sorry about Zaude, okay? I’m sorry I made you all worry. I heard about what happened...about afterwards and damn you all! Damn you Flynn, for pushing yourself like that for my sake. For my stupid life!”
Oh. Oh, crap .
And that was something that Flynn hadn’t gotten around to dealing with yet, the thought that Yuri’d be feeling plenty of guilt of his own. He’d known, logically, because he knew Yuri, and Yuri never thought twice about being a pain when it didn’t matter but just like when he was hurt, when it was serious? He wouldn’t breathe a word. And this was deathly serious. Flynn had mentioned it in temper and hurt feelings because Yuri had hurt him first, but he should have thought it through better, maybe.
At the very least he could have been a little less vindictive about it.
Flynn had done the waiting, done the patience, done the pain. But he hadn’t been the one to go off the tower.
Or maybe in a way this was what Yuri needed, because there was no way that he’d spoken about it with anyone yet. It was clear from the way he’d talked about Estelle that he’d rather gut himself than put anything else on her, and Flynn, while frustrated, understood that about him. But that didn’t mean that he didn’t also need to face it, and admit that he’d been afraid and felt abandoned, had thought he was going to die, and Flynn was strong enough to take that even though it hurt to know those things.
It wouldn’t make him cry.
Yuri had probably been stewing in this since he’d woken up in Zaphias.
Still, Flynn couldn’t stand to hear any more of that nonsense and when Yuri finally stopped to take a breath, he stepped forward to wrap an arm firmly around his neck and reel him in tightly enough to shut him up.
“You stupid--,” he grumbled, “Am I gonna have to spell it out?”
Yuri stiffened like he was going to say something else and Flynn shook his head once, then twice.
“I’m sorry we weren’t there,” he said and emphasized his words with another squeeze. “I know that there’s nothing anyone could do to change it but I’m sorry anyway. You shouldn’t have had to feel like that and if there was any way that I could change it, I would.”
It was so strange to actually need to say these kinds of things because so much of the time, Flynn didn’t need to say anything for Yuri to know what he meant. But this time Flynn thought he kind of needed to say it straight out. There was no way to change it now but Flynn thought briefly, of how this could have turned out if Estele had gone to Zaphias sooner. If anyone had gone. Anyone would have been okay if it would have helped stave off the feelings of shame, that he’d failed his best friend even though there was nothing anyone could do about it.
“I thought I was the bullheaded one out of the two of us, if all that crap you’re always talking is to be believed. We’re all stupid and yeah, maybe it was dumb. It probably was dumb. But that’s why it’s so important and don’t think for a second that I regret it because I will literally kick your ass six ways from next week.”
There was more to this than Flynn could possibly know, he knew that much, but he wasn’t going to just lay down and let Yuri beat himself up over it. He was annoyed about the lack of letter but that wasn’t what Yuri was talking about at all. He was apologizing, defensively but still apologizing, for Zaude, which wasn’t the same at all.
“We made our own choices,” he said gently, dropped heavy words like feathers instead of blows, “Me, Lady Estellise, everyone, and I’m pretty sure you know what she’d say if you asked her whether she regretted it. I choose what I do. Me.”
He squeezed once more and then let Yuri go. They usually preferred to punch each other or deal in shoulder claps or fist bumps rather than hugs but this time Flynn didn’t think that would quite cut it and sometimes, pure and sappy honesty was best.
“My stupid decisions are still my stupid decisions.” Flynn trailed off and shifted on the balls of his feet. Here was the part he wasn’t quite so comfortable with. “I’m sorry to have worried you.”
Yuri didn’t answer at first. Staring at his feet, clenching and unclenching his fists. This sucked. This sucked so much. Not because Flynn was right and not because he felt like an idiot for exploding. Those were a part of it but…
He lied. In the sea of semi-truths he really didn’t want to say in the first he’d still lied through his teeth and he hated himself for it. Flynn didn’t deserve this.
But it’s what Yuri needed and now that he started he couldn’t just take it back. Not right now. He’d told himself why. He’d stick to it. He had to stop making this about himself. This was about Flynn and him being a pretty damn amazing person. A pretty damn amazing friend and not regretting it.
Finally lifting his head Yuri smirked his best smirk. “That was my line first, jerk.”
“You snooze, you lose,” Flynn countered with a smirk of his own that wasn;t as genuine as it could have been. “But duly noted,” he continued, “And apology accepted.” And then, before it got too schmoopy, “But seriously, no note at all? Really ?”
“What? I don’t carry pens on me or anything.” Yuri shrugged. “And Rita won’t lend me hers because heaven forbid she runs out of ink in the middle of some equation or another and Estelle says I’ll lose hers.”
Flynn snorted as he stalked past Yuri, finally heading back towards the small ratty settlement the knights had set up for the refugees. “You would.”
“Probably.” And it was quiet for a little as the two walked until something struck Yuri; a part of the conversation he had been planning on. “Say, Flynn…” Yuri grinned as he followed a few paces behind his friend. “I heard you met Ba’ul.”
Flynn paused mid-step and turned around to peer at Yuri, gauging the amount of genuine curiosity in the statement. There was none.
Like, at all.
“ Excuse me ?”
Yuri’s smirk widened and he slapped Flynn on the shoulder as he walked past him, sniggering under his breath.
“Yeah, Judy had a pretty fun story to tell me when we met up again,” he said flippantly even as Flynn went red and began to sputter indignantly. “Apparently you squeaked? I missed out; think you can demonstrate that for me, buddy?”
“Y-you shut up!” Flynn ordered despite the flush of color in his cheeks at the memory and Yuri let out what couldn’t be anything other than an outright cackle.
“Make me!” And then he began jogging off back towards camp, laughing all the while, Flynn on his heels and furiously shaking his fist.
“Damnit Yuri, I swear---"
The issue was left to rest, then, or so it seemed.
They wouldn’t talk about it again for a long, long while, but Flynn would keep that filed folder safe in his memories, that would occasionally remind him that something was wrong and it wasn’t just to do with the Adephagos streaking the sky. Flynn would let it go but he wouldn’t forget it and over time, Yuri seemed to have gotten over whatever ailed him, or talked about it with someone who could help him like Flynn couldn’t, or something.
Flynn would let it go but he wouldn’t forget it.
Occasionally, he would ask something a little too pointed that couldn’t be anything but on purpose, as if he could sniff out lies like a dog. Every once in a while, someone would say something about how shy Yuri’d gotten about taking his shirt off in public when he used to whip it off without really thinking about it, like guys were wont to do, or the way Estelle would watch him in concern when he’d jerk suddenly away from the railings of the Fiertia as if they’d burned him. It was all very small things, very small things, but there were a lot of them, a lot of them that, over time, would add up.
And over time it would get harder and harder and harder to hide it.
But for now the issue was, seemingly, left to rest.
For a while.
At least until Yuri returned to Zaphias with a very specific task at hand, and everything would come flooding back, and no one would be ready for it.
But that wouldn’t happen for a very long time.