Chapter Text
It was dark all around him.
Completely dark.
No... suddenly he saw the small light in the distance.
So he walked straight ahead, that little light becoming his destination.
His final destination.
As he got closer, he saw the light grow and take shape.
It became a human silhouette.
The closer he got, the more detail became apparent, and now that he was only a few steps away, he saw that it was a man with a brush in his hand, standing in front of a canvas on an easel.
But the canvas was black.
Like the night around them.
The aura of light was so strong that Aziraphale couldn't make out the painter's features.
"I've been waiting for you."
The voice was soft and kind.
Aziraphale stammered, "I... but... why?"
The painter handed him the brush and said quietly, "To finish this masterpiece."
Aziraphale took the brush and approached the canvas, looking around.
"But... there's no paint."
The painter replied, "You only need four words."
"What words?"
"Look deep within yourself."
Aziraphale closed his eyes and all he saw was Anthony.
The light of his smile.
The light of his golden eyes.
The light of his presence.
The light that he had brought into his life.
He knew.
He opened his eyes and lifted the brush.
"Let there be light."
Before his astonished eyes, the canvas filled with colors, each more vibrant than the last, and then, amid the colors, stars appeared.
One of them began to shine brighter than the others, attracting Aziraphale, who reached out to touch it.
As he reached out, his hand was not stopped by the canvas, but entered it, illuminated by its colors, while the rest of his body was in darkness.
He took a step forward and now his arm was elbow deep in the canvas.
The painter's voice sounded behind him, "You may step forward."
Aziraphale turned to the painter and asked, "What's in there for me?"
"You know. Here."
The painter's hand went to his chest and pressed where his heart was, "Here, you know it."
Aziraphale awoke to the sensation of a tickle on his chest and laughed slightly before muttering, "Anthony.... I'm tired!"
When he received no response, he became aware of reality.
Though the seat next to him was still warm, Anthony wasn't there. It was March 30th.
He was 40 years old.
It was the day he was to die.
Aziraphale froze in his bed.
Maybe if he closed his eyes nothing would happen.
All sorts of irrational thoughts raced through his mind.
But among the dizzying myriad of sensations swirling through his mind, only one stood out.
Fear.
He didn't want to leave.
Not now that he'd finally found love.
He couldn't hold back the whimper that left his lips, "Anthony... Anthony... I'm scared. I don't want to die."
The bedroom door opened.
Aziraphale still didn't dare move, frozen with fear, he kept his eyes closed, continuing to whisper, "Anthony..."
"Aziraphale...you're finally awake! You know it's already 11:00, you've been sleeping like a log. I went to my room to shower and change, and as a result.... Aziraphale, are you okay?"
Feeling the mattress move as Anthony sat up on the bed, Aziraphale rolled over and slowly opened his eyes to see Anthony smiling at him, a worried look on his face.
Too overcome with emotion to respond, he merely nodded as Anthony leaned over to kiss him gently, "Good morning."
Mechanically, Aziraphale ran his hand down his chest to the spot that continued to tickle him. Crowley followed his gesture with his eyes and exclaimed, "Oh, I see, you too!"
Aziraphale, confused, his mind still numb with fear, said, "What, me too?"
Crowley looked a little embarrassed and bit his lip, "I don't think I can hide it anymore.... There's something I need to tell you... We're... "
He unbuttoned his shirt and opened the flaps.
Aziraphale, fascinated, couldn't look away from the small tattoo in the center of Crowley's chest.
An "A" surrounded by a circle.
"We are... soul mates. "
Aziraphale's heart leapt in his chest and he abruptly rose from the bed, nearly stumbling as he ran to the bathroom.
"Aziraphale! Wait-"
Crowley followed him and heard Aziraphale gasp, "An A...like..."
Crowley joined him in the bathroom and wrapped his arms around him from behind and whispered in his ear, "A as in Anthony."
Then he put his hands on Aziraphale's shoulders and turned him around before kissing him tenderly. When he stepped back and saw his dazed face, he said gently, "Come on, Aziraphale, I think we've got a lot to talk about."
Aziraphale let himself be drawn in, completely stunned, and they sat down on the sofa. As Crowley took his hand, he said, "I don't understand... I should be dead...my fortieth birthday...today...no soul mate..."
The words tumbled and he couldn't think clearly.
From confused Crowley's expression became brighter as the words came out of his lover's mouth.
He murmured, "You're one of those people we know nothing about."
Aziraphale, more than a little puzzled, asked him, "What on earth are you talking about?"
"You can't know, since that was the subject not to be broached, but since life has not given me the chance to meet my soulmate - until recently - I've been trying to find out, everything. And among my findings about the different ways to manifest a soulmate and the different conditions, there was one special case that seemed to be a curse. If you don't meet your soulmate and they don't declare their love for you before your fortieth birthday, you will die on your fortieth birthday. The fact that I hadn't met anyone who could confirm that it exists made me think it was an urban legend. After all, who could inflict such a cruel fate on someone?"
Aziraphale laughed bitterly, "I've known about this ever since I learned about soulmates and my mother told me it was our family curse, but strangely no one had suffered from it as they always found their soulmate before the fateful day. Apparently, I was the first, or so I thought. So no urban legend, you see."
Crowley, seeing Aziraphale's distress, put his arms around him and said softly, "Oh, Aziraphale, I'm so sorry, you must have been living in great agony these past few days. If I'd known... I... I should have insisted and told you that we were soulmates from the beginning."
Aziraphale jerked back.
"You knew? "
Crowley bit his lips and nodded before answering, "Yes, I knew, from day one, when you shook my hand, that was my clue, my own way of knowing who my soulmate would be. The day I met him, the moment I shook their hand, I would know they were my soulmate. Only you made it clear right away that you didn't need a soul mate, so I decided to respect your choice."
"Anthony... I... I..."
Aziraphale put his hand to his throat, he couldn't breathe.
Was he going to die in the end?
As he tried to inhale, he felt a hand on his shoulder and became aware of Anthony's voice in his ear.
"Aziraphale."
His chest ached, and as he struggled to take a full breath, he gasped, "I can't... breathe.... "
Crowley knelt down in front of him and said softly, "Aziraphale, my angel, look at me."
Aziraphale, still gasping for breath, looked at Crowley, who nodded, "Yes, like that. That's good."
He took Aziraphale's hand and placed it on his chest, then continued in a soothing voice, "Now, I want you to focus on your breathing, okay? Look at me and feel with your hand how I breathe and do the same, can you do that for me?"
Aziraphale nodded slightly. Crowley took a deep breath and held Aziraphale's hand to his chest. He held it for three seconds and exhaled. Aziraphale imitated him. He repeated this several times, making sure that Aziraphale kept doing it. Gradually, Aziraphale's breathing returned to normal.
"That's it, Aziraphale...keep going. "
Aziraphale nodded once more, then Crowley, without letting go of his hand, came to sit beside him and put his arm around his shoulder.
Aziraphale took another deep breath and Crowley asked him gently, "Are you feeling better?
"I think so... I... after days of thinking I was going to die today..."
Crowley kissed his temple.
"It's more than understandable. That's something to be shocked about."
They remained like that for a moment, Aziraphale finally fully realizing what the situation meant.
He straightened and looked at Anthony, "I'll live."
Crowley smiled and nodded.
Aziraphale repeated, "I will live."
This was so huge.
"Yes, you will live."
Hearing another person say the words aloud finally made it fully dawn on Aziraphale.
Then his eyes slid to the tattoo on Anthony's chest and he said more seriously, "And... We're soul mates... "
He shyly touched Anthony's chest as he nodded again without breaking his smile.
Aziraphale swallowed and breathlessly added, "And you love me."
Crowley replied, "And I love you."
Taking his soulmate's face in his hands, Aziraphale whispered, his eyes locked with Anthony's, "And I love you," before capturing his lips in a slow, deep kiss.
As they parted to catch their breath, Aziraphale, exhilarated, began to laugh, a laugh that seemed unstoppable.
He was going to live.
Whereas a few hours ago he'd been overwhelmed by grief, now he was overcome by an incredible happiness that found its source in the eyes of the man he held in his arms. He had his whole life ahead of him and he was going to share it with Anthony.
It was only when he felt Anthony's thumb wipe a tear from his cheek that Aziraphale realized he was crying. The laughter turned to sobs, and this time he did not hold back his tears, but let them flow, knowing they were necessary to cleanse himself of the bitterness and pain of what he thought was the end of his life.
"Oh, my angel, come here."
Anthony held him close, whispering words of comfort, knowing how much Aziraphale needed to shed those tears, and he held him like that until the last tear had dried.
A little later, Anthony whispered into Aziraphale's neck, "When I woke up earlier, I was so sad, so sad. I didn't want to believe we had to part. Not after spending this night together. Not when I knew I was madly in love with you."
Aziraphale kissed his forehead and whispered, "I'm sorry I put you through all this."
Anthony shook his head and placed a finger on Aziraphale's lips, "No, don't be sorry, please, I understand why you said our separation was inevitable, now that I know why, I swear I understand. Let me continue, I was sad because last night I felt happiness like never before and I knew that despite the promises I had made to you, I would never find such happiness again. I went back to my room and my chest was itching all the time and imagine how I felt when I saw that one letter on my skin. I knew I couldn't keep my mouth shut. I was ready to fight for us. And here we are, and the happiness I felt last night is even stronger now because the feeling of inevitability is gone."
They stayed like that for a long moment, enjoying each other's presence without the prospect of parting. Everything had a different taste now, a taste of eternity.
Then Anthony looked up at Aziraphale and said, "Now what? "
Aziraphale stood and took the hand of his lover, his soulmate, his beloved, and replied softly, "Now I'm going to make love to my soulmate so he knows how much I love him, how grateful I am that he's mine. And then... well, we'll live. "
They went to bed together, kissing and laughing. For a long time the room echoed with their laughter, until it echoed only with sighs and renewed vows.
Filled with the pure love of two beings who had been brought together by fate and would never be parted.
One year later
Crowley was first awakened by a tickle on his shoulder, then, realizing what it was, he groaned, "Aziraphale, my love, we said we were going to sleep in."
Aziraphale chuckled softly, his breath tickling Crowley's neck as Crowley insisted, "Isn't that what you wrote on your program?"
When they had first started living together, soon after their stay at the hotel - neither of them could bear to be apart for very long - Aziraphale had carried on the little tradition of writing the day's schedule or other things on a post-it note that Crowley would find here and there around their house.
For the past year, their refrigerator had been covered with colorful pieces of paper that neither of them had bothered to throw them away. It was like a reminder of what had brought them together.
"Hm yes," Aziraphale murmured into his neck before kissing Crowley's shoulder. "But how can I go on sleeping with an Adonis in my arms? Unthinkable!"
Crowley chuckled and opened his eyes, which fell on a small piece of paper on the bedside table next to his alarm clock.
Day 7 + 1 year
-We're going to sleep in
-Breakfast at the Ritz
-Feeding the ducks and their new brood
-Visiting Muriel and Eric
-Will you marry me?
Aziraphale felt Anthony stiffen slightly against him and, not seeing his expression, held his breath. Anthony turned in his arms, a smile on his lips before he began a path of kisses from Aziraphale's mouth to his ear, whispering, "Yes, of course I will."
Aziraphale, delighted, kissed Anthony's lips passionately, pausing only to catch his breath before saying, "Happy birthday, my love..." before capturing his future husband's lips again, but Anthony wouldn't let him.
"Wai-hmph... Ang... !"
He barely managed to pull himself away from Aziraphale and exclaimed, "Wait! Why happy birthday? Shouldn't I be the one to tell you? Happy birthday, my angel."
Aziraphale replied with a wink, "But it's also the anniversary of the day you saved my life."
Anthony blushed and shook his head, "I'm no hero."
Aziraphale smiled and said, "You are my hero. Meeting you changed everything for me. For us."
Aziraphale didn't let Anthony protest and they kissed again, savoring the joy of having eternity ahead of them, just as they had a year before.
A year and a half later.
Crowley let out a huge sigh, tugged on his tie, loosened the knot, looked at his reflection in the mirror, ran a nervous hand through his hair, and tied his tie again. He didn't know why he should be so nervous when he was about to marry the man of his life, his soul mate.
His best friend's voice pulled him out of his thoughts, "So, Crowley, are you ready?"
"No."
Nina frowned, assessing the situation, "I never thought I'd see you so nervous."
Crowley shook his head, "Neither did I. I guess Aziraphale is just fine."
Nina's face took on a mischievous expression, "Oh no, he's as nervous as you are, if not more so, but your sibling is here with Eric to calm him down."
Thinking of Aziraphale and Muriel, Crowley couldn't help but smile. They'd both gotten along perfectly, their shared love of books often making him and Eric feel transparent. Aziraphale had no family, and he had asked Muriel to be his person of honor, much to his sibling's delight.
Nina continued, "I don't understand you guys, you've been living together for over 2 years, there's nothing to worry about. You're both pathetic."
Crowley smiled and replied, "I don't know about Aziraphale, but I'm aware that anything can happen, and I guess my happiness is so great that I'm afraid it's not real."
Nina rolled her eyes, "Much too sentimental for me."
She slapped Crowley on the head.
"Hey!"
"So you can see it's real!"
Proud of herself, she let out a mocking laugh.
Approaching Crowley, she knotted his tie and, without looking up, said more quietly, "I'm so happy for you. For all of you. After what you and Muriel have been through, it touches me to know that you've finally found happiness."
Crowley pressed a kiss to his best friend's forehead and said softly, "Thank you. Because if you hadn't needed me, we wouldn't be here today."
Nina put the finishing touches on Crowley's tie and replied, "Come on, let's stop being sentimental, people will think we have a heart. Mr. Crowley, let me walk you down the aisle."
Nina pushed Crowley toward the door, and with a dazzling smile on his lips, he walked toward Aziraphale on the arm of his best friend.
They crossed the flower-lined aisle under the happy gaze of their few friends, but Crowley could see only him. His beloved Aziraphale who watched him approach, a trembling smile on his lips. When they reached Aziraphale, Nina kissed Crowley on the cheek and took her place in the front row next to Maggie, Muriel, and Eric.
Crowley's heart palpitated, but not with nervousness, only with the love he felt as Aziraphale took his hand and whispered, "You're gorgeous."
Aziraphale and Crowley stood hand in hand in front of their friends and family, looking at each other as if there was no one else in the world.
********
Aziraphale went out for a breath of fresh air, leaving behind the party that was in full swing in their cottage on the South Downs. He looked contentedly at the landscape before him, their little duck pond, their apple tree whose first fruits he could see, the rose bushes in bloom, the rake set against the little garden shed, the toys of Scarlet, Nina and Maggie's daughter, their bicycles leaning against the fence.
Their home.
He sat on the bench in front of the house, the sounds of the party muffled by the closed doors.
The sounds of those who loved them and were with them on this special day.
Suddenly he heard the door open and the sounds amplified for a fleeting moment before the door silenced them again.
Without turning to face him, he felt Anthony sit down beside him and then put an arm around his shoulders as his voice whispered in his ear, "So this is where my husband is hiding? Not even twenty-four hours and you're already tired of me?"
Aziraphale chuckled and, leaning back in Anthony's arms, said softly, "As if that could ever happen..."
Anthony cupped his chin and, scanning his face, asked softly, "Are you sure everything's all right, my angel?"
Aziraphale nodded and replied in a firm voice, "Yes, more than all right. I just needed some fresh air and maybe a moment to realize that it's all real. How far we've come since we first met. I thought I was going to die, alone, and now we're happily married with our lives ahead of us. Even after more than two years, it's overwhelming."
He raised his hand and looked, overcome with emotion, at the new ring that adorned it. Anthony raised his hand, adorned with the same ring, and took Aziraphale's, interlacing their fingers before saying softly, also visibly overwhelmed, "Amazing, isn't it?"
Aziraphale nodded and Anthony leaned in to kiss him tenderly, their hands still intertwined. When they parted, Aziraphale placed his hand on his chest, where the tattoo was, in a gesture that had become familiar over the past two years, and said softly, "That's amazing too."
As he placed his hand on the same spot on his husband's chest, Anthony answered, "Yes, it really is."
A light breeze opened the door and the music reached them. Slow and languorous. Anthony stood and held out his hand to Aziraphale, "May I have this dance, husband of mine?"
Aziraphale laughed slightly and, placing his hand on Anthony's, replied, "With pleasure, husband of mine."
He stood, and as Anthony wrapped his hands around his neck, he wrapped his around his soulmate's waist, resting his head on his chest, right on top of the tattoo.
Anthony hummed, his chin on top of Aziraphale's hair as they began to sway to the rhythm of the music.
In perfect harmony.
Several days later
When Crowley returned to the hotel terrace, he stopped dead in his tracks.
He couldn't believe his eyes.
Someone was flirting with Aziraphale.
With his husband.
With his soulmate.
On their honeymoon.
He'd gone to get them two cocktails and hadn't been back for five minutes.
Despite the wave of jealousy that washed over him, he took a deep breath and walked calmly toward the two men.
By the time he reached them, the other man had leaned even closer to Aziraphale and said, "You know, there's a really nice disco in the basement, maybe you'd like to meet me there after dinner." Crowley stopped himself from throwing both glasses in the red-haired brash man's face and continued to walk calmly until he was close to Aziraphale. Once there, he placed the glasses on the table, put a hand on Aziraphale's shoulder, and, ignoring the other man, kissed his husband lightly on the lips before sitting down next to him.
He pushed Aziraphale's glass toward him and said softly, but loud enough for the other man who hadn't moved to hear, "A delicious cocktail for my delicious husband."
Crowley didn't miss the intruder's small gasp of surprise as Aziraphale turned to him and, kissing his cheek, said softly, "Thank you, my love."
He raised his glass to Crowley, who did the same, and they clinked before each took a sip. Then Aziraphale set his glass down and turned to the other man, who looked as if he didn't know where to stand.
"Oh, Armand, is it?"
"Arthur. Arthur Brown."
"Yes, sorry, Arthur. This is my husband, Anthony."
"Pleased to meet you," Arthur replied, looking anything but pleased.
Crowley was delighted to see that Aziraphale was as annoyed with Arthur as he was, for he put an arm around his shoulder and added, "Actually, we're on our honeymoon."
The other man lost what was left of his confidence and his red moustache twitched as he stammered, "Oh... er... very well. Well, have a nice evening," before walking away.
"It wasn't very subtle."
Aziraphale and Crowley had spoken at the same time, looking at each other in silence for a split second before breaking into a chorus of laughter.
When they caught their breath, Aziraphale said, "To hell with subtlety, some people need to face the truth. And then..."
Aziraphale grabbed Crowley's hand and kissed his knuckles before continuing, "I don't feel like being subtle."
Crowley took a sip of the fruity cocktail before asking with a raised eyebrow, "Are you sure you won't regret not following him to the disco for a night of wild dancing?"
Aziraphale brought his face close to Crowley's and his husband couldn't miss the glint of desire in his eyes as he replied, "I'd much prefer another wild dance in the privacy of our bedroom, Anthony Crowley-Fell."
Crowley's cheeks flushed slightly, but he wasn't sure if it was at Aziraphale's suggestion or at hearing his married name.
Suddenly seeing Arthur watching them from a distance, he couldn't resist, and closing the distance between himself and Aziraphale, he captured his husband's lips in a kiss that left no doubt as to the nature of their bond.
And if it wasn't subtle, he didn't care.
********
The next morning, Aziraphale awoke to the soft warmth of light filtering through the shutters.
Anthony was snuggled against him, breathing softly, his arms wrapped around his waist. Sometimes he still found it hard to believe that this happiness was his, but the warm body in his arms was enough to remind him that this was his reality now.
They didn't know what the future would hold, but what they did know was that they would face it together and that the future lay before them, full of hope and promise.
Full of things to live for.
Aziraphale pressed a tender kiss to the red hair and sighed with contentment.
To live.