Chapter Text
The next morning, Kaeya found himself at the Ragnvindr manor once more. He approached Diluc’s door, intending to check on him, but Adelinde intercepted him, a stern yet kind expression on her face.
"Master Kaeya," she began softly, "I think it’s best if you don’t see Master Diluc today. He’s… not well, and it’ll only stress you out."
Kaeya hesitated, the protest on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn’t bring himself to argue. Adelinde was right. Every time he passed by Diluc’s door, he heard the faint sound of mumbling, an incoherent stream of words that made his stomach twist in knots. He knew he wasn’t ready to face whatever state Diluc was in.
So, he relented. He spent the morning with Elzer, trying to distract himself with conversation, though his mind kept drifting back to the night before, to the broken man his brother had become.
It was midday when the unexpected happened.
Kaeya and Elzer were sitting in the dining room, sharing a quiet lunch, when the door creaked open. Kaeya looked up, and his breath caught in his throat. Diluc was standing in the doorway, looking… normal.
It was surreal. The dark circles under his eyes were still there, and his hands had a slight tremor, but he was standing, walking, and even had a neutral expression on his face. Adelinde was close behind him, her expression one of cautious optimism.
Diluc walked over to the table and sat down next to Kaeya, his movements slow but deliberate. Adelinde took the seat next to Elzer, her eyes shining with a strange mixture of hope and determination.
It felt wrong. Kaeya tensed, every instinct telling him that this was too good to be true.
Adelinde cleared her throat, breaking the silence. “Master Diluc has something he’d like to say,” she announced, her voice light but firm.
Kaeya turned his gaze to Diluc, watching him closely. Diluc’s eyes flicked toward Adelinde, then back down to the table. There was a beat of hesitation before he finally spoke.
“I… apologize,” Diluc said, his voice quiet but steady. “For last night. For everything.”
Kaeya blinked, taken aback. There was still that small tremor in Diluc’s hands, but other than that, he seemed almost… normal. He even added, “I promise I’ll do my best to get better.”
Adelinde’s smile was wide, almost too wide, as if she was trying to will this moment into being real. Elzer let out a relieved sigh, the tension visibly leaving his shoulders.
But Kaeya couldn’t shake the unease coiling in his gut. Something wasn’t right. This wasn’t the same Diluc from last night. This was… a performance, a mask.
Kaeya glanced at Adelinde, suspicion creeping into his thoughts. “Did you make him say that?” he asked, his voice low and pointed.
Diluc remained silent, his expression unchanging, but the look in his eyes—Kaeya saw something there, a flicker of something dark and resentful.
Adelinde didn’t answer either, her smile faltering just slightly.
Kaeya sighed, rubbing a hand over his face in frustration. “Adelinde,” he said, his tone firm, “you can’t force him to get better. He has to want it himself. He has to come to that point on his own.”
Adelinde opened her mouth to defend herself, but before she could speak, Diluc cut in.
“How long did it take you to get over alcohol, Kaeya?”
Kaeya froze. The words were like a slap to the face, cold and cutting. He stared at Diluc, who was now looking directly at him, a bitter smile on his lips.
“That’s a low fucking blow, Diluc,” Kaeya muttered, his voice laced with hurt and anger.
Diluc didn’t relent. His voice was steady, but there was an edge to it, something harsh and accusatory. “You haven’t gotten over it. And it’s not fair. You keep telling me to get better, to fix myself, but what about you? You’re still drinking.”
Kaeya’s temper flared, his hands balling into fists. He slammed them down on the table, the sound reverberating through the room. “I haven’t ended up in the cathedral because of it!” he snapped, his voice louder than he intended. “Unlike you.”
Silence fell over the room like a heavy blanket. Elzer and Adelinde both stiffened, the tension palpable. Kaeya’s chest heaved as he tried to catch his breath, the words hanging in the air, sharp and painful.
Diluc’s expression didn’t change. If anything, it became even more detached, as if Kaeya’s outburst had only further solidified whatever wall he had built up inside.
Kaeya realized, with a sinking feeling, that the Diluc sitting in front of him wasn’t really there. Not completely. The man he knew was buried deep, buried under the weight of his addiction, his pain, and whatever twisted sense of pride or shame that kept him from truly reaching out for help.
And Kaeya felt utterly powerless. He wanted to help, to reach out and pull Diluc back from the edge, but how could he, when Diluc was so far gone that he couldn’t even recognize his own brother?
Adelinde finally broke the silence, her voice trembling slightly. “Master Diluc… Kaeya is just concerned about you. We all are.”
Diluc didn’t respond. He simply stood up, pushing his chair back with a slow, deliberate movement. Without another word, he turned and walked out of the room, leaving the three of them in the heavy, suffocating silence.
Kaeya watched him go, the anger and frustration draining out of him, replaced by a deep, gnawing despair. He had no idea how to reach Diluc anymore, and the realization of that felt like a knife twisting in his gut.
As the door closed behind Diluc, Kaeya let out a shaky breath, his hands trembling slightly as he reached up to rub his temples. The headache pounding in his skull was a dull reminder of just how much everything had spiraled out of control.
Adelinde and Elzer exchanged worried glances, but Kaeya couldn’t bring himself to meet their eyes. He just sat there, staring at the spot where Diluc had been, trying to figure out what to do next.
Kaeya had no answers. He was lost, just like Diluc.
Kaeya stood up almost immediately after Diluc left the room. The conversation had left a bitter taste in his mouth, one that he couldn't just wash away with silence or distraction. He needed to talk to Diluc, to try and get through to him—though he wasn't entirely sure what he was going to say.
He followed the path Diluc had taken, his steps heavy with the weight of their conversation. When he reached Diluc’s room, he hesitated for only a moment before he pushed the door open and stepped inside, closing it quietly behind him. He leaned against it, taking in the sight of Diluc curled up on his bed, his legs pulled tightly to his chest. His gaze was fixed on the wall, avoiding Kaeya entirely.
The silence between them stretched, thick with unresolved tension. Kaeya took a deep breath, breaking the quiet first. “You’re right,” he said, his voice low but firm. “I’m still drinking.”
Diluc didn’t move, didn’t look at him, but Kaeya could see the way his shoulders tensed. He continued, his tone turning sharper. “But it doesn’t change the fact that you almost died just a few days ago, Diluc. This… whatever this is, it’s killing you.”
Diluc finally stirred at that, his eyes flicking up to meet Kaeya’s for the first time since he’d walked into the room. “Doesn’t it?” Diluc’s voice was icy, his expression unreadable. “And what about when your liver fails, Kaeya? What then? Will you still be preaching about who’s killing themselves faster?”
Kaeya couldn’t help the bitter laugh that escaped him. It was a hollow, humorless sound, one that echoed painfully in the small room. “At least I’m trying, Diluc. At least I’m trying to do something about it, even if it’s not perfect.”
Diluc’s expression darkened, his lips pressing into a thin line. “You took away my chance to try,” he shot back, his voice shaking with barely restrained anger. “You took away my medicine. How the hell am I supposed to try without it?”
Kaeya groaned, running a hand through his hair in frustration. He felt like he was banging his head against a wall, trying to reason with someone who refused to see reason. “It’s not medicine, Diluc. It’s a crutch, a poison. You don’t need it—you need help.”
Diluc’s eyes flashed with anger, his fists clenching at his sides. “Tell me something I don’t know,” he muttered, though the frustration was clear in his voice. His entire body was tense, and Kaeya could see the urge to lash out in the way his jaw tightened, in the way his knuckles whitened.
Kaeya knew that look. He knew it all too well—Diluc wanted to hit him, to release some of the rage boiling inside him. Kaeya could almost feel it radiating off him in waves, and for a brief moment, he wondered if he should let Diluc do it. Maybe if he got it out of his system, he’d finally start to see reason.
But that was a dangerous thought. This wasn’t about giving in or letting Diluc vent his anger. This was about helping him, no matter how much he resisted.
Kaeya forced himself to stay calm, even though his patience was wearing thin. “It doesn’t matter, Diluc. We’re done talking about this,” he said, his tone firmer than before. “You’re not getting any more pills. You have to deal with it—whether you want to or not.”
Diluc let out a harsh, bitter laugh. “Deal with it? You’re asking me to deal with this hell you’ve thrown me into? Do you even hear yourself?”
Kaeya’s jaw clenched, but he didn’t back down. “Yes, I do. And I’m telling you, it’s not optional. I’m not letting you destroy yourself.”
Diluc’s anger seemed to simmer just beneath the surface, but there was something else there too—a flicker of something deeper, more painful. He opened his mouth to argue, but no words came out. Instead, he just stared at Kaeya, his expression a twisted mix of frustration and despair.
“I hate you,” Diluc finally whispered, though it lacked conviction, sounding more like a wounded animal than anything else.
Kaeya felt a sharp pang in his chest at the words, but he didn’t flinch. “I know,” he replied softly, taking a small step closer. “But I love you, Diluc. And that’s why I’m doing this.”
Diluc’s face contorted, his anger crumbling into something more fragile, more vulnerable. He looked away, his shoulders slumping as if the weight of everything was finally crashing down on him.
For a moment, neither of them said anything. The room was thick with unspoken words, with emotions too complicated and too painful to put into sentences. Kaeya wished he could say something—anything—that would make this easier, that would make Diluc understand. But he knew there were no easy answers here.
Finally, Diluc spoke, his voice so quiet that Kaeya almost didn’t hear him. “You don’t understand, Kaeya. You can’t… you don’t know what it’s like.”
Kaeya’s heart ached at the raw pain in Diluc’s voice. “Then help me understand,” he pleaded, his tone softer, less combative. “Let me in, Diluc. Let me help you.”
Diluc’s request took Kaeya by surprise. He had expected more anger, more resistance—anything but this. But when Diluc told him to sit next to him, something in his voice made it impossible for Kaeya to refuse.
Kaeya slowly moved to sit on the bed beside Diluc, who had leaned back against the pillows, staring up at the ceiling with an unreadable expression. Despite the tension between them, there was something almost peaceful about the way Diluc had positioned himself, as if he were trying to find solace in the quiet.
Diluc let out a low chuckle, the sound devoid of any real humor. “You can lay down with me, Kaeya,” he said, his tone eerily calm.
Kaeya hesitated for a moment, his heart pounding in his chest. This felt different—Diluc felt different. But he couldn’t say no. Not now. He carefully lay down beside him, close enough to feel the warmth radiating from Diluc’s body, but still unsure, still confused by this sudden change.
They were both silent for a moment, the quiet stretching on until it became almost unbearable. Finally, Diluc spoke again, his voice soft but cutting through the tension like a knife. “You wanted an explanation, didn’t you?”
Kaeya nodded, though Diluc wasn’t looking at him to see it. “Yes,” he replied, his voice coming out shakier than he intended.
Diluc’s gaze remained fixed on the ceiling, his expression distant. “Have you ever felt your organs being removed from your body, Kaeya?”
Kaeya’s breath caught in his throat, his eyes widening in shock. He turned to look at Diluc, searching his face for some sign that he was joking, that this was some cruel attempt at dark humor. But there was nothing in Diluc’s face that suggested he was anything but serious. His eyes were dull, his expression cold and devoid of emotion.
Kaeya shook his head slowly, the words failing to form. “No,” he finally managed to whisper, his voice barely audible.
Diluc’s gaze didn’t waver from the ceiling, his voice remaining eerily calm, detached even. “I did,” he said, his words sending a chill down Kaeya’s spine. “I felt it under the doctor’s care. I felt my bones being shattered into fine dust, my skin being cut and dug into. I felt every excruciating moment, every second of that nightmare.”
He finally turned his head to look at Kaeya, his eyes almost void of any light, any life. It was as if the man Kaeya knew had been hollowed out, leaving only this empty shell behind. “It hurts like hell, Kaeya,” Diluc continued, his tone as cold as the wind that swept across Mondstadt’s cliffs. “It feels like your entire body is fighting against you, like it hates you. Like you’re being consumed by fire, unable to move, unable to escape. It’s indescribable, really. I bet falling into a volcano would do less damage than what Dottore did to me.”
Kaeya’s heart pounded in his chest, the weight of Diluc’s words pressing down on him like a vice. He wanted to say something, anything, but the words were stuck in his throat, tangled up in the horror and disbelief that was slowly settling in.
Diluc turned his gaze back to the ceiling, his expression unreadable once more. “Do you understand now, Kaeya?” he asked, his voice carrying a cold detachment. “Do you see why I need the medicine the way I do? Why I crave that nothingness?”
Kaeya’s mind was racing, trying to process everything Diluc had just said. This was the most lucid, the most open Diluc had been in a long time, and Kaeya felt utterly unprepared for it. The truth that Diluc had just laid bare was more horrifying than anything Kaeya had imagined. It was worse than his worst fears.
How could he even begin to respond? How could he possibly offer comfort when he couldn’t even comprehend the level of pain Diluc had endured?
“I…” Kaeya’s voice faltered, his throat tight with emotion. He swallowed hard, trying to find the right words. “Diluc… I didn’t know. I didn’t—”
Diluc’s expression remained cold, detached. “Of course you didn’t,” he interrupted, his tone almost dismissive. “How could you? No one knows, no one understands. Not really.”
Kaeya felt a pang of guilt stab through him. He had been so focused on getting Diluc to stop, on forcing him to see reason, that he hadn’t even considered what was driving him to such desperate lengths. He hadn’t asked, hadn’t tried to understand the depth of Diluc’s pain.
And now, hearing it laid out like this, Kaeya realized just how much he had failed him.
“I’m sorry,” Kaeya whispered, his voice thick with regret. “I’m so sorry, Diluc.”
Diluc closed his eyes, his expression softening just a fraction. “It doesn’t matter,” he muttered, almost to himself. “None of it matters anymore.”
Kaeya wanted to argue, to tell Diluc that it did matter, that he mattered. But the words felt hollow in the face of everything Diluc had just revealed. How could he possibly convince him that there was hope, that things could get better, when Diluc had lived through something so horrific?
But he had to try. He couldn’t just let this be the end.
“Diluc,” Kaeya began, his voice trembling with emotion, “you’re right—I can’t understand what you’ve been through. I can’t even imagine it. But I want to help you. I want to be there for you, to support you, even if I don’t have all the answers.”
Diluc opened his eyes again, staring up at the ceiling as if it held all the answers he was searching for. “I don’t need your help, Kaeya,” he said quietly, though there was no anger in his voice, just a deep, bone-deep weariness. “I just need to stop feeling. That’s all I want.”
Kaeya felt his heart break a little more at those words, at the sheer hopelessness behind them. He had no idea how to reach Diluc, how to pull him back from the edge he was standing on. But he knew he couldn’t give up, couldn’t let Diluc slip away into that nothingness he so desperately craved.
“You’re not alone, Diluc,” Kaeya said softly, his voice barely above a whisper. “You don’t have to go through this alone.”
Diluc didn’t respond, didn’t acknowledge Kaeya’s words. He just lay there, staring up at the ceiling, lost in his own thoughts, his own pain.
Kaeya stayed by his side, unsure of what else to do, but determined to be there, to not leave him alone in this darkness. He would keep trying, keep reaching out, no matter how many times Diluc pushed him away. Because that was what love meant—being there, even when it hurt, even when it felt like the world was falling apart.
And Kaeya wasn’t going to let Diluc fall, not if he could help it.