Chapter Text
Jean Paul: How drunk was I last night?
Well at one point I convinced you to try :Graham
to try and bite your own nose...
Jean Paul: Then what happened?
You were rolling around on the floor for :Graham
an hour screaming "IT'S GETTING
AWAY IT'S GETTING AWAY!!!!!
Jean Paul: I hate you more than words
can express...
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Authorisation code: 562653
Authorisation code: 756512
Authorisation code: 941705
Authorisation code: 6344510
your puzzles don't scare me, riddle master :Julia
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Dude :Zack
I just did some intense math :Zack
I just ate a whole box of frosted :Zack
flakes
it's like 1000 grams :Zack
I'm 56 kg :Zack
That means rn im 1% :Zack
made of frosted flakes
Holy shit :Zack
Ivy: Are you high?
I'm made of 1%% frosted flakes :Zack
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Nice Ploice man
: Hello Devinaux, you gave me your number
in your intoxicated state last night. I've
a feeling you won't remember me.
We took you home in our police car.
You assured us several times that
you weren't a terrorist and requested
that we don't take you back to interpol.
When you drink please stay safe and
don't drink yourself into that state.
Hope you're not too hung over. Stay
safe.
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Black Sheep: Why did you try to kiss me
at prom?
...I kinda was a little drunk.. did :Sheena
I do anything else weird?
Black Sheep: You called me an obese
penguin.
...that actually sounds like me :Sheena
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did u want to smoke :Antonio
no weed but alcohol :Antonio
Graham: That doesn't make sense.
do you want to smoke :Antonio
Not weed but alcohol :Antonio
Alcohol :Antonio
Graham: Yes I want to smoke but
you can't smoke alcohol
im just so alcohol :Antonio
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I love alcohol :Jean Paul
4:11 AM
I regret everything :Jean Paul
11:47 AM
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Zack: I wasn't that drunk. I always
drive us home, like last time
Dude don't even try denying it :Ivy
Zack: ..?
I drove us home while you :Ivy
drove with a paper plate..
Zack: Oh. I thought that was a dream
Idiot. :Ivy
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Carmen: Haha you were sooo drunk
last night.
What??? no I wasn't! :Zack
Carmen: Dude you ran up to this
huge bicker guy with a
beard and shouted
"Hagrid!!! You're real!"
oh shit what did he do? :Zack
Carmen: Hugged you.
Ah. that explains the faint scent :Zack
of smoke on my jacker.
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Stories of getting drunk
EL Topo : My boyfriend was trying to climb a lamppost whose bulb had blown. He insisted he was the replacement bulb and need to plug himself in.
Carmen : Zack who woke up the next day, with no memory of the previous day. He found his camera full of pictures of him hugging strangers. It scared him enough to stop drinking.
Ivy: My brother and I were drunk, left him for a bit then found him talking to a dog. I know it's normal to talk to your dog but the thing was that he was also barking. I left him again then found him crying, I asked him why he was crying and he said that he lost the debate with my dog.
Carmen: "Why the long face Zack?"
"I did something dumb last night."
"What, smoked in your apartment again?"
"Nope. Bought a 10 year old BMW M3 on Ebay 2000 miles away."
"Oh."
Graham: an acquaintance drunkenly stole plates from the dining hall and was tackled by cops when he threw the plates at them like weaponized frisbees while he ran away
Carmen: Ivy Stood on the table at Steak n' Shake, loudly declaring we were all her ducklings and the only way she would agree to leave was if we all followed momma duck out of the restaurant, quacking.
We did.
Jean Paul: I got so drunk, that about an hour after the new year I jumped off the balcony, fell to another party and stayed there for a few hours before realising I don't know anyone.
Carmen: Decided it was a good idea to do a back flip to impress a girl. Ignoring good reason and judgement I decided to do it on the driveway. Head was inches from the ground and when I brought my hands down to protect my head knowing I was not high enough. I dragged my knuckles across the pavement. They were pretty roughed up.
Drunk me isn't as good as sober me at backflips.
Zack: Carmen got angry while eating chips, started throwing them around while shouting "I DISTRIBUTE LUCK" (we were in the warehouse, she's the one who had to clean it up afterwards lol)
A few minutes after that she threw her shoes out the window into her garden and angrily said "I don't need them someone's gonna be happy about it. I distribute luck."
We tried to stop her but she just shouted those word at us and eventually we stopped and just laughed about this situation.
Carmen Zack drank hand sanitizer thinking it was 99% alcohol. The label stated that it "Kills 99% of germs and bacteria", He misread the label.
Long story short, he had to go to the hospital...
Zack: Ivy got plastered and tried selling an empty box of cake mix to my neighbors....she went DOOR to DOOR
Sheena: Antonio was drunk and ordered pizza and wings. Ate the pizza but was too full to want to eat the wings. Still wanted to eat the wings so he went into his closet and smoked some weed. When the munchies came, he was able to eat the wings and enjoy them.
An hour later he threw everything up.
Player: Carmen told me and argued to the point a fight nearly broke out that there are seven COUNTRIES in London UK.
Julia: Devinaux, he ripped the antenna off a Jeep directly in front of the bar and proceeded to fence oncoming traffic.
Ivy: Zack ordered 3 kid sized pizzas for 4 fully grown adults then ate them all by his fat fucking self.
Le Chevre: Sheena stole a stop sign. Trust me, the cops stopped. I had to deal with it.
Graham: Antonio, He make a bong out of a plastic cup and a Capri sun straw he didn't even have any weed he just smoked the plastic
Carmen: Was on V.I.L.E's beach and my classmate couldn't find anywhere to hide his bag so he just tossed it into the ocean and yelled "those fuckers can't steal my beer now!"
Ivy: Zack fell asleep on the balcony in the freezing cold with a sleeping bag, and in the middle of the night, slid open the window, and moved his way into the room like a caterpillar and passed out.
Carmen: I told Graham I was done drinking for the night because I'm a pussy and he gave me this real emotional speech about never putting myself down.
Zack: Being way too drunk to drive, his sister drove after a party. He had designated parking spaces at a warehouse and when he didn't see his car, he started crying hysterically that his car was stolen.
The car he was in at the time.
Then he cried even harder for being dumb.
It was me btw. I'm the drunken dumbass.
Carmen: not a friend but me, I once got so blackout wasted that my friend managed to convince me that the country of France powered the sun and that it was never actually dark there. In reality, I had forgotten time zones were a thing and was confused that the photo she had sent me was sunny when it was dark where I was, on a trip in Canada... Its been two years and I haven't lived it down and it remains the height of the drunk scale in conversations.
Graham: "STOP TELLING ME WHAT TO DO, I HAVE NEVER DIED BEFORE." me who got kicked out of 2 clubs and wanted to keep drinking and partying in Sydney.
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Recalling things they've said while drunk
Cleo: "If I had 47 dragons, I'd give you one but only one."
Zack: "Let's see what's in this cabinet! What the fuck is in this cabinet?! There's nothing interesting in this cabinet! I'm going to slam this cabinet shut now! Let's move on to the next cabinet."
Julia: "I say I'm a pacifist but without 25k men dying at the battle of Waterloo we wouldn't have ABBA's Waterloo so maybe war is good actually."
Coach Brunt: "Have you ever had Southern Comfort?" "No, I'm from Maryland. "
Ivy: "Look at all this snow, imagine if it was sand, but still cold, no wait, warm snow. I like the beach."
Graham: "I feel like a pickle torpedo... In a sea of graham cracker crumbs."
Ivy: zack- "How drunk are you?" me- "On a scale of 1 to Russian, I'm Vladimir Putin."
Shadowsan: "I'm surrounded by an idiot"
Zack: The dogs are yodeling.
Carmen: The other day I gave Ivy a ride home. She went to the bathroom but didn't dry her hands after washing them. She came out, wiped them on my face, and said "you're a weird towel".
Graham: Sheena held up a cat treat "hey Crackle, how many nutrients are in one cat treat?" I said none probably and she looked at the treat and was like "crap, I already ate like 6".
Julia: "I can't look up, cause then I see your face and can't stop staring."
Bellum: "the cool thing about science is it's all based on theory"
Devinaux: "I hope this is not as funny as it seems."
Zack "Bacon? But I don't want to put my shoes in the street."
Roundabout: "Maelstrom! You've got to carry on drinking with me! It's rather counterintuitive but If we carry on drinking we won't be drunk any more, we'll drink past the drunkenness!"
Coach: Guys...we need to get rid of our fishing gear. It'll attract bears
Roundabout: "The politics of the Fire Nation are far too complicated for you to understand"
Graham: They know we're here....they KNOW we're here! THE WENDY'S SIGN IS TILTED, THAT MEANS THEY KNOW WE'RE HERE!
Julia: "know why short people are always so angry? How would you feel if people talked down to you all of the time?"
Bellum: "IT'S THE PYTHAGOREAN THEOREM YOU FAT MOTHERFUCKER!"
Coach refusues to speak to me about it.
Carmen: "Will you PLEAASE come pick me up? I'm on, uhhh..... Saks and... Fifth avenue. What do you mean you dont know where I am? I just told you!"
Antonio: "I'll have a large alcohol please"
Devinaux "Nice red hat!" -to a fire hydrant.
Zack: "I'm ready to carry a car seat."
Cleo: " I want a daughter, so I can have her as my home screen."
Carmen: me, on the phone to Player: "I'm drunk you better send someone to come get me."
Player: "where are you?"
Me: "I'm directly under the moon..... NOW!"
Bellum: "Shut up and get in the oven!"
Player: When I was 15 drinking with some friends in Montreal the cops stopped us on Canada day. When they asked in french if we had IDs, I drunkenly said "I'm sorry, I don't speak spanish." Many a dirty looks were had.
Zack: To a McDonald's answering machine: "These are the worst hash browns I've ever had, and I'm a hash brown connoisseur."
Bellum: in a million years... we're ALL going to be princesses
Carmen: "You guys, I'm 62% Bisexual"
Coach: Extremely drunk Cleo is moaning on the floor like a wounded seal, we hand her a bottle of water. She grabs the bottle, takes a sip, and immediately whips it across the room saying incredulously, "but there's no champaigne in this!"
Coach: Maelstrom was very drunk, He stole Cleo's wedding ring and when we retrieved it he remarked "The lesbian karate witches have stolen my ring of power"
Shadowsan: Carmen: "Guys.. GUYS, I think we should leave now."
Us: "We are home"
Carmen: "No seriously, I think I'm going to throw up, we need to go home NOW"
Us: "Look around, we're in our bathroom"
Her: Looks around "I TOLD YOU"
Antonio: "I'm sober as a kite"
Ivy: We were 17 and at a party my drunk friend is in the middle of the kitchen and finds a bottle of Seagrams and loudly anounces very matter-of-factly to the party, "Oh Seagrams, I know about this. You see, Seagrams is made by fish. In fact all alcohol is made by fish. When fish congregate, which they don't do very often, they make alcohol. And this is why fish are content simply being fish."
Zack then put his bottle of seagram down and went outside, completely serious.