Chapter Text
With his laptop open on the table, Jason stared uncertainly at the words on the screen in front of him. If he was honest, this task had kind of slipped his mind with everything that had happened since he’d first set foot in Blüdhaven. With the shock of his first encounter with Dickiebird, the realization of how his brother had suffered his loss and how he was drowning in everything that had come because the acrobat had avenged his death. Then there were his clumsy attempts to reconnect, as he made sure the older bird was recovered enough before letting him back out onto the streets, followed by his decision not to let Nightwing fight alone. So yeah, that had slipped his mind. But that morning when he came across the library, which was a few blocks away from his new address, and thought about making himself a library card, Jason finally realized that he didn't know what name to sign, because he didn't know who he was supposed to be now in this new life.
When he left Nanda Parbat, Jason used several identities provided by Talia to travel without leaving an easy trail to follow. When he arrived in America, he used one that had no real meaning, just like all the others, it was just a means to an end - to lead him to possibly the only member of his supposed family who cared about him. Now that he had not only his answers, but the certainty that Dickie saw them as brothers and was happy to have Jason in his life, the former Robin no longer had any use for such documentation. He had a new name as a vigilante, one that represented who he wanted to be to the people and who he was as a hero - Flamebird, Nightwing's partner. What he lacked, however, was a new identity, one that had meaning.
He couldn't be Jason, not if he wanted to fly under the Bat's radar when Bruce finally decided to pay attention to the neighboring town and his first son's movements. Still, he didn't want to choose something so different from his real self, especially with Dickie and his nicknames. And if he didn't want to give up the warm feeling spreading through his chest that his brother's stupid nicknames gave him, well, that was his own problem. Jason knew he was a sentimental idiot; he wouldn't have crossed the globe abandoning everything in the Chamber of All in search of answers if he wasn't one. That didn't mean he had to admit that fact openly. Besides, it was pretty much common knowledge that the big bird liked to express his affection through the way he called people, besides the octopus hugs of course.
There was also the small part of Jason that wished he could finish his education; going to college had always been his dream - something he thought had died with him in that warehouse. But he had been given a second chance, and perhaps now with a new identity he could finally fulfill this childhood wish.
As he let his gaze wander, thinking of possibilities, something caught his eye. It was a picture in a small frame, in it a younger version of him and Dick were dressed in thick winter clothing smiling at the camera. Jason knew there were gaps in his memory, things from the time between him breaking free from his coffin and his plunge into the pit were blurs, emotions and sensations more than anything, but until he saw that picture, while helping Dickie organize his things for the apartment move, he hadn't realized that the gaps in his memories could extend over a longer period of time.
It had been terrifying to realize that he had missed something as important as a trip to ski with his brother. The acrobat had been equally shaken to discover what the problem was that had him so scared. An indefinite amount of time later, Dickiebird had narrated the entire trip to him while crushing him in another of his octopus hugs. Since then, the two had been trying to find the gaps in his memories, although it was difficult, considering that back then the two didn't spend as much time together, and their relationship wasn't really close. Something that more and more Jay began to question whether that had been the case, or if there were other memories, moments like their trip to ski, that had simply been lost in the back of his mind.
Jason had no doubt that his current memory problems were a result of having his skull fractured by a crowbar-wielding clown. The explosion, and everything that had come after he escaped his grave had only made a bad situation worse. There was also the possibility that whatever had brought him back from the dead had focused on healing his body enough for him to live; the damage done to his brain was a different story. Though Talia seemed to believe that if given enough time, Jason would have recovered on his own. Unfortunately, that was something they would never know, as patience was something Ra's did not possess, and as a result of a last effort to save him, he ended up in the mad old man's rage-inducing pit.
All that aside, that photo had been physical proof that he had lost something important. It was also because of it that he had noticed that parts of that particular memory had started to come back to him in brief flashes, as if acknowledging the absence of something had instigated his brain to search for the missing pieces wherever they were stored. He didn’t know whether to be happy about this or fear what he might discover when the lost events finally decided to come back to fill the holes in his memory. He hadn't expressed his fears openly, but Dickie seemed to understand all the same. Perhaps it was his way of distracting him from these thoughts that led the acrobat to decide that they needed to record more of the things they did together, and soon there was a small album forming on both their phones and computers. Photos of their movie marathons and little walks around the city, especially when they went out to dinner at a restaurant.
Jason had been skeptical about the whole thing at first, but he’d come around in the end, not so much because of Dickie’s speech about how they barely had anything to show they were brothers and how important it was to have happy moments recorded. No, it had been those damn puppy eyes that no adult should be able to wear that had convinced him to take the pictures. (He dreaded the day Dickhead realized how well that look worked on him.) Eventually, it had gotten to the point where Jason found himself taking photos of his individual outings as he explored the city and sharing them with the acrobat, who reciprocated in kind. (The whole thing was ridiculous and sentimental, and he secretly loved it.)
Sometimes it still took him by surprise how much their relationship had deepened, how easy it had been to get closer with both of them willing to do their part to make it work. It was a bittersweet feeling, considering everything that had led them to this point, yet Jason would be lying if he said he wasn't happy with the direction his life had taken since he chose to follow his heart instead of listening to the green.
Thinking about his brother and all the changes that came with him, an idea began to form in his head. He wasn't sure how Dick would react, but he hoped he wouldn't be offended. Resolute, though with his stomach in knots, he began working on his new identity.
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Dick didn't know what he expected when he got home after another day of work at the BPD, but it definitely wasn't to find his little brother waiting for him with a batch of still-warm chocolate chip cookies and making tea. Not that coming home, since Jay and he had started living together, and finding some kind of tasty snack waiting for him, when they had no plans to eat out or order in, was anything new – although it was a novelty to have his little wing alive and there. No, the strangeness of the situation lay in the subtle stiffness of Jaybird’s broad shoulders and the slightly hesitant way in which he was looking at him. At this behavior, Dick was suddenly reminded of seven years ago, when a skinny, very small-for-his-age little boy with shining blue eyes and a shy smile had introduced himself to him in the kitchen of Wayne Manor. He had reacted badly to the presence of a new boy, one who was using his name and colors without his being told and without his consent. (Actions he would regret to his dying breath, for it had nearly destroyed any possibility of a relationship with his little brother.)
They were in another kitchen, this one in their apartment, years later, the little boy had grown big than him in height and size, there was green mixed with the blue in his irises and because of that his eyes could now truly shine, he wasn't smiling either. But the posture, the insecurity, the desire to please were all there for him to see and recognize. Dick wasn't sure what instigated this reaction, but whatever it was he would die before he reacted the same way he had the first time it happened all those years ago. He wouldn't push his little brother away now that he had him back. The acrobat refused to lose his little wing again. So, he held his tongue and his curiosity and waited for Jay to act in his own time.
His wait was rewarded as he savored his third cookie – as good as Alfred’s – when Jay pushed some papers across the table to him, and before he could read them, his brother spoke.
“I decided to create a new identity to use. The one I had was made by Talia’s people.”
He resisted the grimace that wanted to form on his face at the mention of the woman. Honestly, Dick didn't know how to feel about Bruce's ex. He'd grown up hating her for never making up her mind about the League, her crazy father, or Bruce. It was hard to define her as an ally or an enemy with the way she acted. But the more he heard about Talia from his Jaybird, the more questions popped into his head. Apparently, he owed her a lot of the fact that he had his little brother here with him, add to that the acrobat had earned her respect for avenging Jason's death and well, he didn't know what to do with the conflicting thoughts. He had pretty much given up trying to understand the woman and just accepted that she seemed to care for his little brother in some way – that was what Jay’s accounts of his time in the League with her had pointed to anyway, as surreal as the idea seemed. And as much as the thought bothered him, Dick pushed it to the part of his mind where he let everything he didn’t know how to deal with simmer. The fact that he didn’t trust her, however, hadn’t changed and he knew that the former Robin understood and respected his reservations about Talia and the League of Assassins’ involvement in their lives.
Jay and he had come to a sort of agreement where they both made an effort to talk about what was bothering them, even if it didn’t change the situation, it at least helped them better understand each other’s thoughts. He didn’t kid himself thinking that they were both completely open about everything, because that level of vulnerability didn’t come naturally to either of them. It was a slow process, considering they had different personalities and strong temperaments and that talking had never really been part of the Bat’s training. Fortunately, they were both willing to put in the effort necessary to make it work, because they recognized that it was important to their relationship. And part of that, Dick knew, involved him squashing his almost Pavlovian response to the woman’s name, regardless of whether she was the focus of the conversation or not.
“Yes?” - he merely acknowledged, aware of the sharp gaze focused on him, as he waited to prompt his brother to continue speaking.
“I created something, but... Well, I wanted to see if you approved.”
Creating believable fake documents had been part of their training under Bruce’s tutelage, and so he knew that whatever Jay had done would be perfect, so he didn’t understand why his little brother believed he needed his approval.
He had his questions answered when he saw the name Jay had chosen for himself.
“I thought, we’re brothers because of the adoption thing, but I can’t use my name right now, and I still wanted there to be some kind of connection between us, but it couldn’t be anything too obvious. And I know you like to use nicknames and I didn’t want that to end up being the thing that gave us away. And well—”
His shocked silence must have gone on too long because his Jaybird had started to ramble, clearly growing more and more anxious at his lack of reaction, sounding like he thought he’d done something wrong, something that would upset Dick. When the truth was, there was a lump in his throat because the words written there were a declaration. They represented something he’d lived for three years believing he’d lost forever. And yet, here was Jason, his little brother alive and sounding like he needed to justify himself for giving the acrobat such a wonderful gift.
“Oh, little wing, I love the idea. Of course, you can use the name.” – and what else could he do but pull his little brother into a tight hug, ignoring the tears streaming down his cheeks, as he once again stated a simple truth so fundamental to him – “I know I’ve said it before, but I’m so glad to have you back.”
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A few days later, the former Robin placed the small stack of books he planned to withdrawal on the counter. Suzy, the young blonde with blue streaks in her hair and one of the two people who took turns taking shifts at the library, smiled when she saw him. She greeted him cheerfully as she took the small rectangle, he handed her to record his withdrawal of books from the library.
Jace Gray, it said on the library card.