Chapter Text
Eris had made it as far as the stairs, but had doubts she’d be able to drag herself any further any time soon. So she sat. Stared at the skirting board where it was scuffed near the bottom of the steps.
A door opened and closed somewhere. Footsteps came closer. Socks, not barefoot. Gliding across the floor, not rolling up and down with each step. Janus, then.
He sat down next to her, heavy with his weariness. It had been a long day for them all.
“I hate that you did that.” Shit. That was direct. And soon. And not hard to understand. She didn’t exactly enjoy it either.
But that wasn’t the point right now, was it.
“I know. I told you you would, didn’t I?” She laughed, and Janus did not. “I know, I know. What else could I do, though? Let her die like that? Find someone else and ask them to suffer so that she would live?”
“I know you had to. I said I hated it not that I didn’t think you should have done it. You look like shit.”
“I feel like shit.”
She glanced at him, just long enough to get a read, and turned back to face forwards before the observation could stress him out. His face was alternately crumpling and smoothing out, like it couldn’t decide what to do with the signals it was receiving from his brain.
To be perfectly, exhaustedly honest, Eris felt much the same. Twisted inside, like someone had reached in and moved all her organs around without telling her. She would have noticed, and put them back, but the sensation wasn’t a physical one.
The worst ones never were.
“You know I’m alright. Physically, I’m going to be tired for a few days, hungry but I’m not going to want to eat-”
“I’ll remind you.”
She smiled. It was nice, knowing what he needed now. Everything had been so much harder at the start. Still. And knowing how they would be there for her.
Fuck, they’d stayed. They hadn’t left her. And now Janus was making sure she knew they’d be looking out for her while she untwisted herself.
“Emotionally, I’m already good,” she said, voice light, leaning towards him a little so he could bump shoulders with her if he wanted to.
He did.
He let the contact linger for a few seconds before pulling away.
“Even better now.” She laughed, then sobered up, looking, like him, straight forwards. “It was just pain, Janus. It’ll be gone soon. I’ll be alright.”
He rocked back and forwards a little at that. He always realised when she was still feeling off, but sometimes it took her reminding him for it to fully sink in.
She shouldn’t have brought it up. It would make him feel worse. He didn’t deserve that, not from her, especially not today.
“You’re not alright.” Not a question. No need to respond. “I can give you a hug if you need one. No. Do you want a hug?”
“I-” Janus wasn’t huge on physical contact at the best of times. He- She shouldn’t-
It didn’t matter, not really. That she really, really wanted a hug. She-
It didn’t matter.
“Idiot,” he said. “Can I give you a hug?”
Eris felt herself frowning.
Face crumpling.
She leaned towards him again, letting him meet her halfway.
They stayed that way for a while, squeezing each other tight, sat on the third step. Eris cried into his shoulder in a way she hadn’t let herself in months. Years, maybe. Not since she and Eden…
She hadn’t realised how much she needed it.
Blearily, and still halfway buried in Janus’ shoulder, Eris asked where Selene was. Janus usually defaulted to her in situations like this. They knew each other well, knew their own skill sets even better.
“Selene’s checking on Emily.”
She leaned back, blinking up at him with a confusion fed by sheer lack of energy.
“Emily?”
“Her name’s Emily. The girl you saved.”
Oh. She’d never asked.
Oh, shit. Eris’ face crumpled, and she felt tears dripping onto her jeans again.
“I never-”
“You had other things to concentrate on. You didn’t ask so we did. Team, right? So we do different parts of what needs to get done. None of us do all of it and none of us do it alone.”
“Yeah, of course. You’re right. I just-”
“You’re tired and hurting and you need to feel gross for a while before you can be you again. Don’t worry. We’ll have breakfast ready for you in the morning. We’ll make sure Emily’s got someone to take her home.”
She couldn’t leave them to do all that. But…
Everything hurt. Everything would hurt for the next few days, and she’d be drained for even longer, unless she could get out to see the right people, which she wouldn’t because she was so fucking tired.
Thinking about it, she’d been this tired for a while. She’d been in pain. Maybe-
No. Except maybe this was just what tipped her over the edge. Maybe Janus was right, maybe she just needed to let them get on with the jobs she knew they could do.
“I-”
“Get some sleep, Eris. There won’t be as many problems to fix in the morning.”
She sighed, but smiled, too. He was right. He usually was.
Janus pulled himself to his feet.
“I’m going to check on Selene and Emily. Shout if you need anything. Don’t worry if it takes you ages to get upstairs.”
At that, she laughed. It was a little wet, and more than a little pathetic, but it was positive. After the day they’d all had?
She’d take what she could get.