Chapter Text
Rey never thought she’d make it this far.
An orphaned girl left to fend for herself in a world way too big.
Until she met the man that made her world way way bigger.
She was so afraid of Ben when she first met him. His face was always so angry and his eyes hard. All the cussing, all the looks of disgust he gave her and just being a smartass about everything made him hard to like, meaning surely his heart was cold. But soon she realized that was not the case.
He did many small things for her, like holding doors open, ordering her favorite coffee, and remembering the way she likes her eggs. He is more of an action kind of guy, which is why she can say now his heart is definitely not cold, just hard to reach( just like hers).
When Han passed away and left her his shop, she was so afraid of what would happen, with herself, and with everything and everyone around her. But Ben knew of course, and even while he was dealing with his own shit, he made room for her in his life.
He needs her just as much as she needs him, she likes to think. So when they moved in together it was a mutual need. A need to be around the person who makes her feel seen, understood and safe. And now that she's on her feet, and doesn’t need financial help, she can just leave, get her own place and move on. But she won't leave, and Ben won’t kick her out.
(He needs me too much, She thinks)
And yeah, he's a clean freak, always whining about how she washes her lights and darks together, never remembers people's birthdays, is a chronic gamer and snores SUPER loud, she still wouldn't trade it for anything, yes he has a bit of a temper, but when he comes home (to her) and leans his head onto her shoulder the anger around him steams off she knows she wouldn’t trade it for anything.
It's something he always does.
Something Ben never does however is drink.
So when Armitage brings him home BLACK-OUT drunk, she is beyond stunned.
She thanks the ginger for bringing Ben home safe and sends him on his way, leaving just her to deal with a tall drunk man in the foyer of their apartment.
“What happened?” she asked him as she dipped herself slightly so that Ben could wrap his arm around her shoulder. He just follows her lead and allows himself to be led along by Rey.They sway side to side and he tries his hardest to keep from putting his full weight on her, which only causes him to stumble every other step as they head to his room. Rey allows this slow trudge through the apartment, and just when she’s about to ask him again what happened he begins to hum to the tune of a song.
Her favorite song.
They wobble together, as the stench of alcohol radiates off Ben, and she scrunches her nose in disgust,yet she can't help but hum along with him.
With a bit of a struggle to turn the handle open, they stumble into the room together, and at the sight of his bed, Ben lets himself fall, bringing her along with him.
“Ben!” she giggles and half scoffs at the audacity of her drunk roommate.
It‘s something both of them have always imagined would happen, although not in this way. (and not that they would ever say that aloud anyways.)
With a huff she tries to push Ben off of her, “ uff- Ben please,” Ben continues to hum and nuzzles himself into her “Ughhh Ben! Move off of me, your breath stinks!” She laughs again, this time light-heartedly.
She feels him grin against her neck, and slowly, oh so slowly, slide off her onto his side.
Rey tenses, and feels her face get hot, abruptly sitting up.
“I'm going to go get you a glass of water”
She hears him hum in response.
As she makes her way to the kitchen and pours him a glass of water, curiosity gets the best of her and she decides to listen to the voicemail Ben had left her earlier that night.
She hears the chatter of a bar,hears the drunken slur of a cuss word, before Ben starts signing her favorite song. She cant help it, her smile brightens up her face and she rolls her eyes at how goofy he is when he's like this, and as she makes her way back to his room, phone to her ear, smiling and getting ready to tease him, she hears the voicemail say,
“I fell in love. with you. I am in love with you. I love you. Reyyyy, you make me breathe air not waterrr.”
A gasp escapes her lips and she almost drops the damn water. Ben loves her, she thinks
And then more surely, oh my god Ben loves her.
But he's drunk she remembers, and he hasn't mentioned anything and she needs to give him this water so she rushes into the room and sits next to him, red in the face and shakily putting the glass of water down on his nightstand.
Ben called her and confessed to her,
And now he's here drunk in his bed, laying by her side.
And she's there sitting down, with her hand over her mouth thinking about how this insanely romantic moment might have only happened because he got smashed.
Her heart drops, her stomach twists and she inhales ever so slightly to slow her racing thoughts.
Ben, being as insightful and perceptive as ever, senses something amiss in Rey and slowly sits up as well. He plays with the hem of his long sleeve shirt, something he used to do when talking to his parents,something he only does when he's feeling nervous. On instinct she reaches for his hand and squeezes, and just as quickly he pulls her into a hug.
Always a man of action, not words.
She lets out breath in surprise, and sinks into his familiar embrace. They’ve never been shy about touching, always leaning on each other when watching movies, swaying to songs together when doing house chores and always taking an opportunity to just hold each other just because.
Her eyes flutter shut and she breathes in the smell of laundry detergent and vodka, feeling her heart at her feet and knowing that he probably doesn’t feel the same way she does that this was all a drunk ruse and that-
“Stop over thinking” He whispers against her hair. She sniffles, because despite all of that she knows there will never be anyone else who can read her like he does. Nobody else that holds her the way he does, no one else that can make her feel the way he makes her feel.
She tucks her head into his shoulder, wanting to slot their bodies together, and he rests his chin on her head. His warmth is all consuming. She’s afraid of her feelings, and of his, but his arms feel safe and Ben has always been patient with her(only patient for her, really).
“Did you mean it?” She mumbles into his neck, so softly she’s not sure he even heard her.
Yet he answers quickly once more, a tremble in his voice
“Yes,” he’s leaning back now, his hand running up and down her arms as if trying to keep her from being cold, soothing her. “God, yes” His eyes are searching her face, always so aware of her.
“Ive never meant anything more”.
Reys feels all the fear she’s been holding back drain out of her body, and in relief and shock a sob tears through her. And him, as dotting as ever even while drunk, coos at her and holds her once more, “please don‘t leave me, even if you don’t want me” he slurs as exhaustion begins to seep into him. Rey, still crying and unable to speak, shakes her head into his chest. When she’s finally able to say she loves him too, he is fast asleep.
When she first met him he would always stare at her and she regarded him as creepy. Frankly, he was creepy. She first felt his eyes on her when she was talking to the owner of THE millennium Falcon, Han Solo. However, her excitement far surpassed her need to squirm away from his gaze. It was shortly after that she discovered Ben as Hans' only son. Not long after that, she found out he was a fucking asshole.
Yet she still sought Han out, the old man was charming after all, and in doing so ran into Ben more frequently. They exchanged pleasantries, then began conversing which led to her and Ben bickering once they became familiar with each other, much to Hans amusement.
On the day of Hans's accident she called Ben over and over to no avail, and it wasn't until Han was stable that Ben showed his pretty little face. So in a fit of rage and anguish, she punched him in the face and broke his nose.
Luckily for him, they were already in the Emergency room.
She woke up a few hours later, with her eyes swollen but her heart full. Ben has wrapped himself around her in his sleep, protecting her even in slumber. She looks at his sleeping face in awe, tracing the lines on his face with her eyes, running them slowly down his face from his angular nose to his full and kissable lips.
She takes him all in, smiling when realizing she’ll most likely be able to stare at him like this almost every night.
Slowly she creeps out of bed, peering over to look at his calm sleeping form, and decides to be the one who makes breakfast for once.
“SHIT!” Ben yells from down the hall, and it startles Rey so much she drops her whisk. It startles Rey so deeply a million things race through her mind and she begins to worry that Ben regrets what he said.
What if he doesn't want her, what if Plutt was right, what if she’s unlovable?
All of these thoughts swirl within her, but Rey has grown, so even though she knows what she thinks could very well be true, she won't let her fear reign. She inches towards the bedroom door, takes a deep studying breath and knocks.
after a beat of silence, she calls out, “Ben?”
A muffled shuffle and what sounds like a trip behind the door,
-he changed his mind -
her hand begins to shake,
-he changed his mind!-
She can't take it, can't bear to wait a second longer
so she swings open the door to the room,and-
He is pacing back and forth hand in his mop of hair and tears in his big doe eyes biting his lip in worry.
He changed his mind.
He looks like a deer in headlights. Her hands have yet to still.
“Ben?” she pleas her face falls
- he changed his mind-
Rey sways on her feet, feels the world spin under her heels as she leans to take a step towards him-
“Im sorry rey” he choked out, panic surges through her, the earth under her spins infinitely faster and she needs to vomit.
Looking up at him she sees tears already flowing down his face, “Im sorry, I really am, I-” he hiccups rubbing his eyes
She holds in the sob that threatens to tear through her,
“I just love you-” he continuous with a shaky inhale “so much- and even if you don’t feel the same-”
The world slows, her blood stops boiling and Rey, having no thoughts left to think, lunges towards him and kisses him.
He tastes like salt and bad breath, and she’s crying and it's hard to breathe, but he leans into her and she forgets what she was even on about.
It's slow and languid, both of them panting for air between kisses and returning because they don’t dare spend much time apart. Her hands are in his hair, and he is holding her so carefully as if afraid she might break. Her mind and body melt into his hands, all anxiety draining in the wake of this moment.
She nips at his bottom lip and he nods, pouring himself into her. She breathes him in, hoping that he understands what she has to say, using her lips to speak in a way that requires no words, letting herself indulge in a moment she has longed for for years.
When they finally pull apart, tears still fresh, and their faces oh so close, Ben leans in and kisses her nose, softly, and unable to contain his want, begins to pepper kisses all over her face.
“Ben-” She laughs at his name and he only hums in acknowledgment, continuing to kiss and nip and just savor until he is satisfied.
“You're so beautiful, it drives me crazy”. He's staring at her again, and this time for the first time, she recognizes that he looks at her in a way she's never seen him look at anybody else.
“Yeah?” she untangles herself from him and wipes the last of his tears from his face.
“Yeah”
Eyes search her face for any sign of regret, and when there is none he says,
“I love you Rey”
Rey looks at the man in front of her, out of breath, with swollen lips and looking at her as if she hung the moon and the stars, she really looks at him, feels his the love in his gaze, in his embrace, in his kiss-
“I know” she says warmth blooming in her and flowing so heavily she cant help but let her happiness pour out of her “ I love you too Ben”