Chapter Text
When Lina walked into the room and quietly as CJ paced back and forth, completely unaware of her presence. It wasn't until he heard the click of the door closing behind her that he stopped and looked up at her. Lina said nothing and walked straight up to the boy and pulled him into a hug, her arms wrapped around his waist. Lina could feel him relax as he leaned into her embrace. He let himself sink down so his chin was resting on her shoulder and his arms were fully locked around her waist. Lina hoisted herself up slightly by getting on her tiptoes, moving her arms from his waist and positioning them so they were around his shoulders.
The room was basically silent. The only things Lina could hear were the muffled sounds of all the commotion going on outside the room and CJ’s shuddering breath right next to ear.
The sensation made her shiver a bit, it was an odd sensation that she wasn’t too sure if she liked it or not. But this wasn’t about her sensory issues right now. She pushed the uncomfortable feeling down and rubbed her hands up and down CJs back before pulling away. Lina sat on top of the table to her right and watched as CJ leaned against the long countertop that ran along the wall, below a series of cabinets. He avoided her eyes, looking down to the ground as he kicked the bottom cabinet with the heel of his shoe.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Lina questioned softly after a few seconds of him kicking.
CJ nods, maintaining his stare to the ground.
“Yeah. I’m okay.” He states. Completely emotionless.
Lina knows he’s lying. It’s obvious to her. Unlike her, CJ was great at eye contact with people. He only ever averted his gaze in uncomfortable situations or when he was lying. In this case, it was both. She didn’t wanna push, she wasn’t gonna push, but she couldn’t let him seal everything shut behind his hazel eyes. Her eyes shifted from his to just past his shoulder. Lina cleared her throat and pointed in his direction.
“Really? Because you and that cabinet look like you’ve had a rough morning.” She said in a voice that showed concern for the state of the door.
CJ lifted his head, brows furrowed in confusion at her. He shifted his head to follow where she was pointed and noticed the damage he had caused prior to her walking into the room.
“Ahh ssshit,” He sighed. Pushing himself away from the countertop and walking over to the dangling cabinet door. Carefully moving it so that he could, at the very least, partially close it.
“I’ll fix it.” He started toward the door, to undoubtedly get tools from the janitorial supply closet in the hall. Lina reached her arm out and grabbed him by the bottom hem of his blue volunteer shirt. Not roughly, just enough of a tug that he stopped in his tracks.
“You can fix it later.” Lina insisted. Continuing to tug lightly at his shirt, she directed him to sit next to her on the table. With a defeated sigh, knowing he was not gonna get out of this, took a seat next to his concerned girlfriend.
Once seated, Lina turned her body, so she was facing the boy, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. Looking down at her hands she decided to try talking to him again.
“My dads said they met your mom.” The words came out slow and careful. She held her breath for a moment, as did he. She let go of his shirt and lightly laid her hand on top of his.
“Do you wanna talk about it?” She asked as if she was talking to a scared child.
CJ’s jaw clenched. His brows tightened and his eyes closed as he let out a frustrated sigh through his nose. He turned his head.
“I don’t–” He stopped.
He didn’t wanna talk about this. He didn’t want anyone to know just the kind of person his mother truly was, how cruel and hateful. Talking about her meant he had to think about her and acknowledge what he would have to deal with later when he got home. But seeing the look of care and concern on Linas's face. She just wanted to help, wanted to support him.
Something he desperately wanted but was utterly terrified to put his trauma on her shoulders. Maybe if he gave her a little bit, they would both feel some sense of relief. He relaxed his jaw and laced his hand with hers.
“It’s bad enough that your Dads had to deal with it. I don’t wanna unload my crap on you too.” He said truthfully. Lina reached up to cup his face with her free hand, moving her thumb comfortingly across his cheek. The feeling of his slight stubble gave her a sense of comfort as well.
“Your feelings aren’t crap, and you’re not “unloading” anything on me. I’m your girlfriend. I’m here to help and support you. You do it ALL the time for me.” Lina spoke with an immense amount of reassurance.
Moving her hand up his cheek and through his hair, Lina pulled him close so that his head rested on her shoulder.
“Plus, I'm literally the perfect ‘shoulder to lean on’ size for you.” She said with confidence, as if that was the smoothest move she has ever pulled on him. CJ let out a chuckle. He had to give it to her; she had this way of making him smile and forget about all his problems. He wanted to let it all out then and there. Sitting in this quiet room, hand in hand with the person who made him feel like he mattered, he wanted to just let it all out.
He couldn’t. He wouldn’t. But he just needed to get even the smallest amount of pressure off his chest. After another few moments of silence, he spoke.
“When I saw my mom walking towards your dads and I today, I– I panicked.” He let out in a shaky voice.
Lina remained silent and just listened.
“It was like waiting for an asteroid to hit earth and decimate everything.” CJs usual husky and calm voice was replaced with one that was small and trembling with fear and anger. Lina felt something wet on her shoulder.
“CJ?” Lina called to him concerned. She heard only a sniffle before he pulled away from her and hopped off the table. She watched as he quickly wiped away at his face, clearly trying to wipe away the silent tears he let fall. The evidence was on her lightly damp shoulder.
His eyes were glistening with more tears that he was trying to hold back. Turning to Lina, he started to let go a bit.
“You have to understand Lina. My mom only sees things one way. Hers. She uses her, so -called, faith to warp everything she does and says as some kind of righteous act. Like God himself is sitting on her shoulder saying that all the shit she does is justified.” He blurted out, various arm and hand movements were used to emphasize his words.
“My entire life she’s held the leash. Every time I stray in a direction she doesn’t like-” He makes a tugging gesture, which turns into a fist. Taking in that this is how he was feeling before he punched the cabinet door off its hinges, CJ takes a deep breath and puts his hands on top of his head.
This motion caused his shirt to pull up slightly, showing a little bit of skin. Lina could swear she saw some kind of bruise of mark on his belly, but with all of her focus on what CJ was saying, it was filed in the back of her mind for now. Seeing her slight glance to his stomach alerted him and he quickly lowered his arms, covering the small section of skin.
“If she were to find out that I change my clothes and my hair once I leave the house, that I wear jewelry, our friends, us, your entire family….”
CJ stopped himself again and turned his back to Lina, once again wiping away his newly formed tears. He started to tell himself that he needed to rein it in. He had already let out more than he wanted to. Anymore and he felt like he would ruin everything. He wasn’t ready and he knew that Lina wasn’t ready.
“If she learns all that, she’ll do whatever she needs to in order to put an end to all of it and that fucking terrifies me.” CJ closed his eyes, taking some breaths through his nose and out of his mouth. Volunteering at the center and being with Lina gave him a lot of tricks and tips to help him calm down whenever he was on the verge of breaking down or losing his cool. He was zoned in on keeping his emotions in check, that he didn’t realize Lina had moved from her spot on the table and was now standing in front of him.
“Hey. Look at me.” She said in a stern, but loving way. He opened his eyes and was met with concerned blue eyes and her serious brows.
“Our friends and my family are always here for you. You’ve met all the Gallaghers, they do not back down easily. I’m not gonna lie and say that you mom doesn’t scare me, because she absolutely does.” She tried to make that last part sound serious, but he could hear the genuine fear she had in regard to his mother, and she hadn’t even met her yet.
“but I’d love to see her try and keep you away from all of us.” She ended just as seriously as she started. CJ wanted to smile. She looked so cute when she was serious.
CJ wrapped his arms around her shoulders and pulled her tight against his chest. She returned the squeeze, arms around his waist.
“I'm not worried about her keeping me away from you. I’m worried about keeping HER away from you. I'm gonna have to deal with the consequences, one way or another. But you shouldn’t have to. You won’t have to as long as I can help it.” He said, resting his chin atop her head and smoothing her hair.
“I hate what she does to you.” Lina muffled; her face pressed against CJs chest.
His heart practically jumped right out of his chest. Did Mickey say something to her? Did she see his stomach? The healed burns? His mothers nail marks from their encounter?
With both hands, he grabbed her shoulders and pushed her back so he could see her face.
“What are you talking about!?” He asked frantically. She looked at him, clearly taken aback by the sudden jarring movement., but shrugged it off.
“You have to hide who you are because she doesn’t want to accept anything outside of her biblical bubble.” Lina explained quickly, not yet putting together the reason for this sudden action.
A silent sigh of relief left his body as he pulled her back into him.
“Yeah, well, I’m just glad I don’t always have to hide. I can be myself with you.” He whispered, more for himself to hear than Lina.
Looking up at him and resting her chin on his chest, Lina gave him a smile.
“You can ALWAYS be yourself around me. I love who you are, and you don’t ever have to hide anything from me.” She beamed at him.
There it was. CJ got the reassurance that he needed from her. Lina got him to open up a little bit, which was more than enough for her.
CJ placed a hand below her chin and brought his lips down onto her. It was a soft and loving kiss. He rested his forehead against hers.
“Thank you.” He whispered. She nodded happily and gave him another quick squeeze before breaking away
“We should probably get back out there before people start to wonder what we’re doing in here alone… with the blinds down and the door closed.” CJ teased, pulling at her sleeve as he tried to pull her close again.
Lina gave him a quick “tsk” before giving him a playful slap on the arm. Heading toward the door, Lina laid her hand on the doorknob and opened it.
“Hey, Lina.” CJ called.
Lina twirled around on her toes to look at him as he walked toward her.
“Hmm?” She acknowledged.
He got close and did a quick glance in the hallway, making sure that no one else was around.
“Did Mickey say anything to you? About me or my mom?” He questioned. He wanted to be sure.
Lina responded with a confused face and a shake of her head.
“No. Why?” She tilted her head and reached for his hand.
He gave her a smile and happily opened his hand to welcome hers.
“Just curious. His way of describing events is always entertaining.” He explained.
Lina nodded and laughed in agreement. The two teens left the room hand in hand and made their way back out into the main atrium of the center. CJ could see Ian and Mickey caught up in their own little moment.
Quite a few of CJ's fears were put to the test today, and he knew that he would still have to face those fears once he got home, but a few things were also made clear to him. He had people that he could confide in when he was ready, and he had a safe place with the Gallavich family where he could be himself and he was understood. He did have a family.
And their door would always be open for him.