Chapter Text
Lucy had known this was coming. Surprisingly, panic did not wash over her. She was completely and utterly calm. This was Lockwood. Lockwood. The man she loved and lived for, the man who would do anything for her and she, in turn, for him.
What was one, measly conversation for them?
Even then, Lucy knew that their relationship was about to change forever. For better or for worse, that she could not say.
Lucy nodded and Lockwood walked in front of her, leading her to the library. He opened the door, gently ushering her in and only taking a seat when she lowered herself down onto her favorite sofa, the one directly in front of his preferred armchair.
Lockwood was fidgeting with his hands and crossing and uncrossing his legs, almost as if he had forgotten how to properly sit.
“You okay?” Lucy asked, quirking an eyebrow up in amusement.
When he realized what he was doing, he stilled immediately.
“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine,” he said, clearing his throat while his gaze darted everywhere but her face.
“So… what did you want to talk about?”
“Well, Luce, I just first wanted to apologize again about… well, you know. What happened back there. In front of the guards. Obviously, it wasn’t part of my original plan. I just wanted to get us both out of there safely and that was the best idea I had. By no means was I trying to, you know, pressure you into anything or make you go past a point you were comfortable with.”
He looked at her then, the corners of his eyes creasing with concern.
“Do- do you think you could ever forgive me?”
His glance fell downwards at his newly clasped hands and Lucy could see that his knuckles had turned white.
“Lockwood…” Lucy’s voice dropped to the soft baritone she reserved for him. “Do you really think there’s anything in this world you could do that I wouldn’t forgive you for?”
His eyes darted up to hers then, their gazes latching onto each other.
“Really?” he asked, an unmistakable tremble in his voice.
In response, Lucy stood up and stepped over to his armchair, beckoning to him to get up. Her arms wrapped around his shoulders and she pulled him in tight. He stiffened and Lucy was about to let go, but then he held her by the waist, gripping her as close as physically possible. They stayed like that for a long time and Lucy only let go when she felt Lockwood begin to shake.
“Lockwood? What happened?”
She drew back from him and saw the trickle of a tear travel down his cheek.
“Lockwood, are you okay?”
He nodded. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” he said, releasing a dry, humorless chuckle. The tears were streaming down his face now.
“Talk to me,” Lucy murmured, wiping the tears away from his face with her thumb.
“I just never want to lose you, Luce. And I don’t like putting you in danger. Today was far too close. Winkman was there, and I didn’t know about it. I didn’t know about it,” he repeated, looking numbly off to the side. “It’s my responsibility to protect you, to keep you safe, and I could have failed today.”
“But you didn’t,” Lucy protested.
“I could have. It was a pure stroke of luck that the three of us got out alive today and you know it.”
“It wasn’t luck. It was because of you and your leadership. Lockwood, believe what you want, but me and George chose you for a reason. Not Fittes, not Rotwell, but you. You’re Anthony Bloody Lockwood. How could we not choose you? How could I not choose you?”
“Do you mean that?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.
“Do I look like the kind of girl who says things she doesn’t mean?”
He laughed and Lucy realized how close they had gotten to each other, mere inches of space separating them.
“And for what it’s worth,” she continued, “I’m sorry too. For kissing you the second time. It was just in the heat of the moment and I guess I got overexcited. I hope you didn’t feel forced or obligated to kiss me back or anything.”
Hurt flashed across Lockwood’s features, so fleeting that Lucy figured she must have imagined it.
“Well. If that’s how you feel,” he said, stepping back from her. The moment had shattered. And it had been Lucy’s doing.
“Should we ask George about tea?” she said weakly.
Lockwood was silent.
“Lockwood?”
“I’m done with this,” he said. His tone had completely changed. The gentle boy he had been not two seconds ago had suddenly become angry, his voice growing fierce and assertive.
“Done with what?” Lucy asked. Did he mean he was done with her? Forever? Anxiety gnawed at her stomach, broken only by Lockwood’s voice.
“Done with this!” he exclaimed, gesturing to the two of them. “I’m done with not telling you the truth, done with masking how I truly feel all the time, done with pretending I haven’t been madly in love with you since the moment you first walked through the door. I’m laying myself bare in front of you now Lucy. You are everything to me. If I could be anything in this lifetime, I would want to be yours. There’s no one else for me and there never will be.”
He took a long stride towards her and held both of her hands in his.
“Lucy Carlyle. I love you. So much. Do you think I could ever be yours?”
Lucy couldn’t breathe. This couldn’t be real. It was all she had ever wanted. And it was happening. Actually happening.
“Lucy?” Lockwood probed. Uncertainty washed over his face and Lucy realized she had been quiet for far too long.
She didn’t speak. She threw herself into Lockwood’s arms, and they caught her, as she knew they would. They always would.
Her lips instantly attached themselves to his. They had kissed three times now, but this kiss was different. It was the first kiss where they both knew of their devotion to each other. Her arms wrapped themselves around him and he pulled her in closer, his hands exploring her body like it was all he ever wanted to do. They were everywhere, leaving trails of fire wherever they went. Her back, her hair, her face. Lucy pushed Lockwood back into his armchair and straddled him. Their bodies melded into each other like they were made to fit. Lockwood did not break away from the kiss even once, refusing to let Lucy come up for air. If she tried, he latched his lips onto hers again as if she was a drug he couldn’t get enough of. Not even in her wildest fantasies could Lucy conjure up an image as beautiful as this. The world seemed to shrink to just the two of them, and this, this, was all that mattered.
Suddenly, Lockwood broke away from the kiss, taking a moment to gaze up at her with a soft smile on his face.
“So, Luce. Does this mean you’re into me too?” he asked, pairing the question with the mega-watt smile she was obsessed with.
Only Anthony Bloody Lockwood could ask such a stupid question.
“Yes, yes you daft idiot! I love you!” she said, laughing into his mouth. “Was the past minute not enough of a response?”
“It was. I just wanted to hear you say the words,” he said, grinning up at her with a devilish smirk.
She wanted to sink her teeth into him. And then, she remembered that she could.
Lucy kissed him again, this time working her way down his face, peppering his jaw, his forehead, and his eyelids with kisses, occasionally nipping at his neck. She wanted to mark him up and show the world that he was hers. Lockwood groaned in her ear and Lucy almost internally combusted.
He kissed her again. This time, the kisses were soft and slow. This time, there was no underlying urgency. This time, it was absolutely perfect.
“Oh my god! What are you two freaks doing?”
They broke apart and saw George at the door, a tray of tea and biscuits in his hand.
“George, bless you. Do you mind leaving the tea on the table? Me and Lucy have some business to attend to,” Lockwood said, as if George walking into the two of them making out on the library armchair was an everyday occurrence.
“Yes, please don’t involve me in your business. You two better not start boning everywhere or I’ll leave the company.”
Lucy groaned, her head falling on Lockwood’s chest. “George! Don’t be disgusting! We all know what you and Flo get up to when you have the house to yourselves!”
“Well, that’s completely besides the point!” George sputtered. “We’re not doing it in the bloody library where any innocent passerby could walk in and see. First, I have to see Quill Kipps suck face, and now you two. I’m going to go bleach my eyes now. Please, don’t mind me, go ahead and carry on.”
Unbeknownst to Lucy and Lockwood, once George had turned and left the library, a smile spread across his face and all he could think was, “Finally.”
Inside the library, Lucy attempted to untangle herself from Lockwood, reaching for the tea and biscuits George had set on the table. However, she didn’t make it very far before Lockwood’s arm wrapped itself around her waist, pulling her back into him.
“Lockwood! Let me get the tea, you know I refuse to drink it cold,” she protested, making another fruitless grab at the tray before giving up with a huff and settling herself in Lockwood’s arms again.
“You call this concoction of milk and sugar tea?” Lockwood said with a chuckle as he easily handed her her cup, his lanky body not even needing to reach forward to pick up the tray.
“If you have one more go at my tea, I will pour it on your lap.”
One threat from Lucy was all it took to shut Lockwood up and they drank their tea in a comfortable silence, looking at each other in between sips and munches of biscuits.
“Lucy,” Lockwood began, after gulping down his fourth Jammie Dodger. “I’ve been meaning to ask you… why did you lie about being with Kipps? Especially if you wanted to be with me all along?”
Lucy set down her half-finished tea, the clatter of the cup meeting the wooden table reverberating around the room.
“Lockwood, before I answer that question, I need you to promise me one thing.”
“Anything,” he immediately replied.
“I need you to promise me that you’ll actually listen. We’ve had this conversation before, and we’re going to have it again. But this time, I want you to think about my perspective and just put yourself in my shoes. Do you think you can give me that much?”
Lockwood stiffened and his eyes stared back into hers. He managed to give a brief nod and beckoned for Lucy to continue.
“The reason I lied to you about Kipps is because I was so tired of you putting yourself in danger for me or risking your own life for no apparent reason. When you told me about your feelings for me, you have no idea how much I wanted to give in. But I couldn’t. Because taking our relationship to that level would mean that you would feel even more compelled to protect me, to take care of me, even if that meant harming yourself. And I absolutely refused to put you in that position. And the night I left Portland Row to go to Kipps’ flat, I was so angry with you. I couldn’t stand that you chose to ignore me and to even go on jobs without me or George.”
At this, Lockwood opened his mouth, but Lucy rambled on.
“Please, Lockwood, just let me get this out. Again, you risked your life because of a rift in our friendship. What would happen if we started dating? Everything would become magnified and there would just be this constant pressure to be perfect if it meant it would keep you safe. And I wasn’t ready for that. But, when I went to Kipps’ flat, he brought me to my senses. He was the reason I was able to finally understand what the situation looked like from your eyes and he was the one who convinced me of the depth of your love for me. Without him, none of this would have happened.”
Lockwood let out an odd sound then, a mixture of gratitude and displeasure at the words that had just left Lucy’s mouth.
“But then, when I decided to come back to Portland Row, I saw that you had been crying. And I realized that I was responsible for those tears. I had caused you that pain. All of my fears of being in a relationship with you came flooding back, because I wasn’t sure if I could ever be good enough for you.”
She was shaking now, and Lockwood tightened his grasp around her. His gaze burned into hers and he nodded at Lucy, silently probing her to go on.
“And tonight. You were fully prepared to go with Winkman to keep me and George alive. I mean, you didn’t even think about it!”
A note of hysteria crept into Lucy’s voice as she relived the memory, all of the fear and disbelief and anger she had felt at that moment striking her again.
“I want to be with you Lockwood. I want to be with you so badly. But I can’t if it means you’ll keep on risking yourself for me. Especially when it’s that reckless of a choice. So I need you to promise me, truly promise me, that you will never pull anything like that again. If you’re gone, what am I supposed to do? This relationship can’t work one way. You’re not the only one in love, you know? I am too. And I need you just as much as you need me. We’re a team. And I need you to act like it. Can you do that for me?”
Her voice, which had been strong and clear throughout her entire monologue, broke at the last word. She stared at Lockwood, trying desperately to read his face, to understand what he was thinking.
He didn’t respond, not at first. He simply put her face in his hands and kissed her forehead, hugging her to his chest and not letting go. Only after a few minutes had passed did he finally speak.
“Lucy, my love. I’m so sorry. I don’t think I ever properly understood how you felt until now. I don’t blame you at all, for any of it. It’s completely my fault. I promise you I will never put myself at an unreasonable risk again. You’re right. Our love goes both ways. And I need to respect that. Do you think you could ever forgive me? For all of it?”
Lucy was at a loss for words. She had never heard Lockwood like this, so sincere, so willing to change who he fundamentally was as a person. And he was doing it all for her.
She leaned in to kiss him again. After they finally separated, neither of them could tell you whether it had been seconds, minutes, or hours. But, it didn’t matter. They had all the time in the world.
“Although, Lucy. I do hate that Quill Kipps is effectively the reason we are together,” Lockwood said, a grimace on his face. “Does that not disturb you as well?”
“You know, Kipps is quite lovely when you get used to him,” Lucy said with a laugh. “You’ve just got to give him a chance.”
However, even the mere idea of this made Lockwood wrinkle his nose in disgust and Lucy decided to drop the issue altogether.
“Actually, Lucy, there was one more thing I wanted to talk to you about,” Lockwood began. He paused, then, watching Lucy look at him expectantly.
A beat.
“Lockwood?” Lucy asked, waving her hand in his face. “What’s up?”
A red flush overtook Lockwood’s face and Lucy wasn’t sure if she should prepare to become highly amused or brace herself for discomfort.
Lockwood cleared his throat. “Well, Lucy, I’m not sure if you remember, but earlier tonight, right before we went into the library, you said something and I wanted to ask you about it.” He paused to loosen his tie, and the motion made Lucy go weak in the knees. However, there was no time for that, as Lockwood continued to ramble. “You mentioned something about a- a threesome? And I was just wondering what you meant by it. Obviously, you don’t have to share if you’re not comfortable, you know, it’s really not my business. But, I was just wondering.”
Lucy wanted to burst out laughing, but out of respect for Lockwood’s feelings, she managed to contain herself. She had never seen him look so abashed, so uncomfortable. It was honestly quite endearing.
“Well, Lockwood, you know I had a boyfriend back home, Paul. And the truth is that yes, we did have sex, and we occasionally liked to experiment. The threesome thing was just a one-off. We tried it once with Norrie and it was horrible. But I have had a sex life and it really isn’t anything to envy, Paul and I were each other’s firsts and neither of us had any idea what we were doing. Is there a reason you wanted to ask?”
“I just don’t want to disappoint you,” Lockwood said furtively. He had become even redder now.
Lucy’s brow furrowed. “Disappoint me? How would you disappoint me?”
Lockwood’s eyes lowered to the floor as if he was trying to burn a hole through the rug with his steady gaze.
Understanding flooded through Lucy in an instant.
“Lockwood,” she started, and then stopped. “Have you- are you a virgin?”
He looked up then, meeting her questioning stare. He nodded.
Well, this was a surprise. Lucy had always thought of Lockwood as someone with sexual prowess, considering the way he oozed seduction wherever he went, whatever he did, whoever he spoke to. Embarrassingly, she felt a little bit of pride that she might be the first one to corrupt him, to fuck him up. She would be the first one to see him lose control.
“Look, there is absolutely no pressure. We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. And we can take all the time you need. There’s no deadline. Plus, I promise you, you have nothing to be ashamed of. Okay?”
Lockwood pulled Lucy flush to him and kissed her forehead. “I love you,” he whispered, and Lucy felt her heart melt.
“I love you too,” she murmured into his neck. “Always.”
“Do you want to go upstairs? To my bedroom?” Lockwood asked.
Lucy pulled back, surprised.
“N-not like that!” he clarified. “Just to, you know, have each other close. I always imagined that it would help me after particularly difficult cases, but I never got to test the theory out. Would you want to?”
He broke off again, looking uncertain. This entire thing between them was so new and Lucy knew it would take some time getting used to. But, for once, there was no rush.
“Lockwood, of course I want to. Let’s go right now. I’m tired.”
She got up and offered her hand to Lockwood. He took it, his much bigger hand dwarfing her own, and they took to the stairs.
Lucy had been in Lockwood’s room multiple times. But never like this. He shut the door behind him and turned to her. The pair stared at each other for a moment, and then Lockwood’s lips were on hers again. She didn’t think she could ever get used to this, ever get used to him being able to kiss her with reckless abandon wherever he wanted, whenever he wanted. She didn’t think she could ever find it normal to comfortably tell the entire world that he was hers, all hers.
They tumbled onto the bed, laughing in between kisses. She could feel him smiling into her mouth and she knew, right then and there, that he was it for her. It didn’t matter how short the time they had together was. Of course, she wanted it to last a lifetime. But the fact that she got to experience a wild and passionate love like this, one that she would never forget, meant everything.
Lockwood had moved down to her neck, leaving trails of the evidence of his love all over her body.
“Anthony,” Lucy murmured, “that feels incredible.”
The kisses stopped. Lucy opened her eyes and found Lockwood staring at her, a look of shock on his face. Had she done something wrong?
“What did you just say?” he asked.
And she realized. She had only ever dared to call him Anthony in her wildest fantasies. But she had never meant to say it aloud. Nobody called him Anthony.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “It’s just what I always imagined calling you if we ever got to this point. If you don’t like it-”
“Say it again.”
Lucy must have heard him wrong.
“What?”
“Call me by my name again,” he murmured, this time in her ear.
“Anthony,” she said, her voice lowered to a hush. They smiled at each other again, their faces centimeters apart.
“Again.”
“Anthony, Anthony, Anthony.” He kissed her again, his mouth melding into hers.
“Never refer to me as Lockwood again,” he said, his voice rough and deep.
“Duly noted, sir.”
Lockwood, no, Anthony, quirked an eyebrow.
“I wouldn’t say no to you calling me sir, either.”
He bent down to kiss her, but Lucy was laughing too hard for him to get the chance. She felt him smiling into her mouth and all she wanted to do was sink into this moment, forever.
Anthony
Sunlight filtered in through the window, scattering golden over the beautiful woman who was currently snoring in his bed. Nothing in Lockwood’s dizziest daydreams could ever compare to his life right now. How was it that Lucy Carlyle, the love of his life, was waking up in his bed right now? What did he do to deserve this? He could have been a saint in an infinite number of lifetimes, and even then, he wouldn’t deserve this.
She stirred from underneath his arms and he held his breath, trying to be as still as possible. Lucy was scary when she was sleep deprived. Then, she mumbled something incoherent, and he luckily leaned forward just in time to catch what she was saying.
”Anthony.”
Lucy rolled over and fell into a deep sleep again, and Lockwood just watched her. Her chestnut curls tumbling down her back. Her soft skin that seemed to glow from inside out. The flutter of her eyelashes and the way they curled up at the ends. Her addictive, ruby red lips. Just her.
Slowly, Lockwood moved from where her leg was draped over his and hurried downstairs to the kitchen. He wanted to make this morning perfect for Lucy. Even though he knew she’d always be too good for him, he figured he could make up an infinitesimal part of the difference somehow. But, where to start?
Although it took an embarrassingly long amount of time, Lockwood was finally able to muster what he thought an impressive breakfast of fried eggs, toast, marmalade, and a cup of tea for Lucy, just the way she liked it. He assembled an extravagant breakfast tray, complete with flowers, and clattered his way upstairs with it.
He kicked open the door as Lucy was sitting up in bed, groggy and confused.
“You were gone when I woke up,” she said, in a small voice.
Immediately, Lockwood rested the breakfast tray in front of her and placed a soft kiss on her forehead.
“Lucy, my love, my sincerest apologies. I just thought you’d prefer waking up to me and breakfast rather than just me.”
“Just you would have been enough,” she replied, trying to look grumpy, but he knew her too well. She was pleased.
As they munched their respective breakfasts, Lockwood noticed that Lucy was unusually quiet.
“Luce? What’s up?”
“Hm? Oh, nothing.”
Lockwood looked at her with disbelief, and she sighed.
“Okay, fine. I didn’t want to freak you out, but I was just thinking about how nice it would be to have this every morning.”
“Oh. Well, what’s the problem with that?”
“What do you mean?”
“Stay with me. We’re already living together, might as well share a room now. Please, Lucy?”
“Are you serious?” Her brow creased as she continued to look at him with a shocked expression.
“Luce, if you don’t want to-”
“No!” She yelped. “I mean, no. I want to. I definitely want to. I just wasn’t sure how far you want to take this or if you would be comfortable.”
“Lucy, my love, haven’t I told you? You’re it for me. You’re everything. I am prepared to go as far as you want to with me. It’s all up to you, okay? Because, chances are, whatever you want to do with me, I’ve already imagined it hundreds of thousands of times. All you have to do is ask, and it’s yours.”
She nodded, looking significantly happier than before. That was all Lockwood ever wanted to do.
Suddenly, a knock on the door sounded as Holly Munro walked in, her nose buried in a stack of papers.
“Lockwood, I-”
Holly looked up and broke off instantly. She turned around and walked outside the room, inspecting the door and the house before walking back inside.
“I’m sorry, did I walk into some alternate universe? What the fuck happened when I was on vacation? Did aliens possess your bodies? Is this some kind of prank?”
“What’s all this bloody commotion?” George asked as he strode in behind Holly. “Oh, what the fuck? Must I be greeted in the morning with the sight of Lockwood’s dick?”
“Hey! My dick isn’t out!” Lockwood protested.
“Might as well be,” muttered George.
“I’m sorry, you knew about this and didn’t instantly ring me?” Holly demanded, after whipping around to look at George.
“Thought it would be funnier to surprise you,” he shrugged, smiling slyly to himself.
“Well, the secret’s out,” said Lucy. “Lockwood and I are a couple! End of story.”
“Oh, absolutely not end of story,” said Holly, as she sat down on the foot of the bed. “Tell. Me. Everything.”
“Jesus, Holly, give it a rest,” muttered Lockwood, who looked like he was still thinking about the rude comments about his dick.
“Stuff it, you,” exclaimed Holly, throwing a pillow at Lockwood’s face. “Lucy, spill.”
“You know, I’m actually quite curious to hear this too,” George mused, sitting next to Holly.
Lucy sighed, looking between the three people she loved the most in this world.
“If you insist. It all began when…”