Chapter Text
“EMUU UUUU-!”
Tsukasa has to be loud, because this forest is large, and almost all of it is the said goddess' home! Half of the time, when Tsukasa comes here, he doesn't end up finding Emu.
“Haa?”
And this doesn't seem like one of those times!
Tsukasa stays still as he hears rustling footsteps above him. It stops when it's right behind him, so he looks forward and puts his hands on his hips. He knows the nekomata prefers not to be looked at directly – though she'll certainly make a game out of it if she's in the mood to play!
“Emu!” Tsukasa might find it odd not looking at the person he's talking to with anyone else, but with Emu, it's sort of natural. “I have a few questions to ask you!”
Emu almost audibly grins. “Okay! Hit me.”
“Well, first,” Tsukasa puts his hand up to his chin, thinking about how to phrase this. “Have you heard of a god called Rui Kamishiro? Do you know him?”
“Hmmm.” Emu drags out the syllable for a while, thinking. “No, I don't think so. But that's really sad! I would like to meet him!” Ah, that might not be the best idea… “Where is he?”
“W-well,” Tsukasa pauses. How should he go about this? It's not like he doesn't want Rui to have any other friends. That's actually pretty important to him, that he can introduce him to others! But he doesn't think that would be the best for right now. Tsukasa honestly already is a bit worried he's pushing it with his plan, but he thinks it would be unnecessarily cruel for him to stress Rui out with an actual real life other person.
“... No good?”
“I'm sure he would be delighted to meet you, Emu! Just! Not yet.” Tsukasa taps his foot. He momentarily stops himself from pacing, starting to avoid looking at Emu directly, but he's sure she would like to start hopping between trees again. He paces back and forth. “I happened upon him by chance. I don't think he'd like it very much if I was inviting everyone to his home.” He shrugs. “He's a dead hard man to read, though! So I'm not sure. I've been trying to see if he has any interest at all in going outside, or meeting people, so if he ever says yes, we'll come to you first!”
Emu is silent for another moment. Then, a little swish, and she's on a different tree. “Okay!” She hums a bit. “I don't know who that is, but I think Nene-chan probably would! You should talk to her!”
“Wait but,” Tsukasa was coming here for food recommendations.
“I know where she is right now! I can lead you to her.” Emu hops down off of the tree. She hits the ground lightly, then hops in front of Tsukasa. “This way!”
Well, okay. If Nene would know more about him, that would still be helpful to him!
Tsukasa follows Emu's lead.
“She asked me if she could take a nap in the woods near the waterfall. Of course I said yes! That place is so relaxing.”
“Yes, it is! The water sounds are the best.” Tsukasa agrees! It used to be a spot he hung out at often, before he spent most of his free time with Rui. Hey, maybe he should take him there!
That would be perfect, actually. Perhaps, before he met anyone, going outside could be the first step. Tsukasa could ask Emu kindly (or bribe her, whichever works first), to protect the forest around them and make sure nobody comes near! It would be a great start. What a perfect plan! And perhaps, if he felt comfortable enough, Emu could join them. Or even Nene!
Tsukasa is getting ahead of himself, though.
“Yes!! They go shwish, shloosh,” she makes a surprisingly accurate waterfall sound with her mouth, making a little gesture with her hands like water hitting a pond.
“And the birds' songs! I should come back here more often, honestly.”
“Hey, only one at a time!” Emu giggles. “You stopped coming by at night so I've been able to let other people in.”
Tsukasa barks a laugh. “So it's a business!”
“It's my forest!” Emu giggles. “But I will share with all!”
“Of course.”
“But it's for relaxation! For sleepy time and for dark places and for shh! quiet!” Tsukasa thinks for a second that she's shushing him. “So only one at a time!”
“Yes!” Tsukasa agrees. How smart. Tsukasa, if the need arose, might think about doing the same thing with his little mountain den… For the small price of some sweets! It could be like a sauna. People say he keeps it way too hot in there, but that's how he likes it. Perfect temperature for a dragon.
They come upon the little lake soon enough, and just as expected, there's a big fog over the area. It doesn't do much, a good half of the gods in this realm have impeccable sight, and Emu and Tsukasa both happen to be a part of that half.
Coming closer, there's a distinctly thick puff of a cloud right near the end of the pond. The corner furthest from the waterfall. That's Nene, alright.
Emu puts her hand out and nods, then runs forward. Tsukasa stays put. Emu will definitely be better at waking someone than him.
“Nene-chan!” Emu runs to the other end of the cloud, and hikes down to a squat. “Good morning!”
“Mmm.” Nene stirs. She sits up from her cloud. “Is it..?”
Emu giggles. “Yes! It is time to get up. You have a visitor!”
Nene starts to turn her head, so Tsukasa shouts out. “Good morning Nene!”
She flinches lightly, then turns to face him.
“I have a question for you!” Tsukasa walks forward, and as he does so, Emu giggles and takes off. He thinks she leaps into the trees, but he's not looking.
Nene rubs her eye. It's good that her duties are within dreams, (as would make sense for The Gentle Goddess of Dreams,) because she spends so much time sleeping that she wouldn't be able to get things done any other way! Not that he's judging her, it's more like light teasing, because he knows full well he'd love to do the same thing. He knows she's not lazing around, but it would be great to be able to laze around! Maybe that's why she's so sleepy, actually, because she's working even in her sleep.
“What is it..?” Nene shakes her head, then lays down again, stretching out. Her tail curls upwards, and she grabs onto it like a plushie, like she's about to fall right back asleep.
“I was wondering if you knew a god by the name of Rui Kamishiro.”
Nene pauses.
“I do.” She nods slowly. She looks back up at Tsukasa. “I came into being a little after him. He helped me figure out what was what, how to do my due diligence, all that.” She yawns, then reaches a hand up and bats at Tsukasa's face. “I haven't seen him in a while. He didn't want to be seen.” She shakes her head, looking a bit solemn.
“.. Oh.” Tsukasa mumbles a bit.
“Why? I know some gods don't even know about him, but still, it took you a while.”
Tsukasa notices the jab. “I found out all on my own, actually! So much for being gentle.”
Nene laughs a little, looking off to the side with a smile. “Subtitles are just subtitles, they don't actually mean anything. You're not flying.”
Well, he supposes that's true. And… well, it speaks well to Rui's subtitle! Tsukasa knew that ‘lonely' was too sad of a subtitle. Maybe he changed it himself?
“I suppose so. Hey, listen.”
Nene groans softly. “Tsukasa, I'm busy. You should ask, er… Ah, Toya. I'm sure he'd know more than me.” She snuggles back into her cloud.
Well, Tsukasa would never turn down an opportunity to say hello to Toya!
“I see! Well, then, I must be off! Goodnight!”
“G’night.” Nene mumbles.
Tsukasa turns, momentarily thinking about which way to go, then crouches down. He launches himself into the air and is on his way.
—
So much for not seeing all that many people.
This was all a wild goose chase! People kept saying to go back to Nene, but Tsukasa doesn't want to wake her again. On the off chance he was sent to someone new, they either wouldn't know, or sent him someplace else.
Tsukasa swallows thickly.
It's not like any gods are actually older or younger than others. They just get their physical forms at different times. But that doesn't stop most of the ‘older’ ones from acting like they're higher in status!
It's not like Tsukasa can complain, because he does the same thing to the gods ‘born' after him, but..! Still!
Emu, to Nene, to Toya, to An, she told him to go back to Nene but that can't be right, so then it was Ichika! Then Kanade! Then Ena, then Akito, then back to Ena, and then to Mafuyu.
And she was the only one who uttered the words without fear, Mizuki-san.
Everyone knows Mizuki-san was born first. Tsukasa had heard that some time ago and swiftly attempted to make friends with her, and it worked to some extent, but that doesn't mean that knowing he'll have to speak with her doesn't fill him with dread.
The Fashionable Goddess of Artistry . Aka, sort of, everything ! All creation! Yeah! That's fine! Something super corporeal! Most of them rule over concepts or emotions, not actual things! No, she gets a concept and a corporeal thing!
Ah, Singers, this will be difficult.
Tsukasa has to assume that they're working. If not, they're in the square, and Tsukasa passed by there many times, so he knows she's not there.
It doesn't help that Mizuki is such a towering figure, either.
Well, maybe that's an overstatement. But gods get bigger over time! Their proportions stay the same, just get larger!
But it takes so long that it's barely noticeable for most. No, no, not with Mizuki. She's taller than Tsukasa is! And, while he's surely not the tallest in the realm, he's not all that short!
There are only a few gods that have been around long enough and have such power that their size is obvious. The others are mostly within the clover division. Airi Momoi, Goddess of Flora, and Haruka, Goddess of Prayer.
Tsukasa takes a breath. Calm down! It's not that big of a deal! It'll all work out, it'll be fine.
Everyone acts like Mizuki is so scary, but in reality, they're..!
Uh!
Tsukasa swallows, and finally hits the little bell. He hears Mizuki inside her abode, making a little noise of acknowledgement, then footsteps. “Coming~!”
The steps get closer, and closer, and Tsukasa makes an active effort to not let his tail hide between his legs.
The doorknob turns, and Mizuki pokes her head out, then smiles upon seeing Tsukasa. “Oh! Hey!” She opens the door and stands up all the way.
“Hello!” Tsukasa isn't sure where his volume should be. He bows, coming up slower than he normally would. “It's nice to see you again, Mizuki-san.”
“It has been a while, huh.” Mizuki backs up, starting to turn, then flicks her wrist in a gesture to tell Tsukasa to come inside. “Come in! I couldn't make you anything specific, ask Emu for that. I do have smoothies!”
“Ooh.” Tsukasa smiles a bit. “That sounds good, I would like one, if you don't mind!”
“Nah, no sweat! I'm never gonna drink them all anyway. Just grab something from the fridge.”
Tsukasa does so, not necessarily one to disobey orders.
Mizuki goes back to work at their sewing machine. Seems like they've been on it a while.
That's right, Tsukasa always forgets about it, but Mizuki is the one that made clothing for everyone. The clothes on their backs now, that is.
Things don't deteriorate up here, and it's not like gods secrete the sort of things that humans do, so it's not necessary to change clothes all that often. The ones who do are only the ones who want to. Tsukasa likes his image, personally, so he keeps this on. Sometimes, though, he'll change if he can't get to sleep.
“So, what's up? Did you just wanna chat?”
“I wouldn't mind doing so! But I do have a question, ultimately.”
“Yeah?” Mizuki doesn't say anything else, so Tsukasa takes a courage sip from his smoothie and looks up to speak.
“I was wondering about Rui Kamishiro. Have you heard of him?”
Mizuki stops, and Tsukasa wonders if he's spoken out of line. Or if he has been speaking out of line this whole time.
“Hmm. Yes, actually! How did you?”
“Well, I’ve been speaking with him a lot lately!”
“You have??” Mizuki turns. “Like, in person?”
“Yes.” Tsukasa smiles and nods. “I happened upon his cottage not too long ago! I have been keeping him company! I am surprised at how little people know about him.” Tsukasa rubs his temple. “People have been leading me around all day long. It's taken quite a while to be led to you.”
“Ah.” She stands. “I see.” Mizuki turns. Their tone darkens, getting more serious. “Rui and I used to be close when it was just us and a few others. Actually, Rui was born only a little while after me!”
What??? Tsukasa almost sputters aloud, but he keeps it in.
“It's been a while since I, or anyone else, has seen him. It's sort of a voluntary exile kind of deal. I'm surprised you found his hut. He keeps it hidden on purpose.”
Tsukasa tilts his head. “Really? It was easy to find. It's on the map.”
Mizuki giggles. “Not usually. It is for you because you're in the same division. It's typically too dark in that neck of the woods to find anything, let alone a hut. Rui didn't want to be found.” Mizuki shifts her weight and pops her hip. “I'm wondering what makes you special. Maybe he knows it's time, and just doesn't want to admit it.”
Tsukasa honestly isn't following. He's trying his best, but it's confusing. Mizuki is speaking lime he knows all of this already, but he doesn't, he didn't even know this guy existed a few months ago!
“I bet he's ready. Is that what you wanted me for? I can try and convince him to leave.”
Tsukasa shows his palms. “N-no, that's alright. I don't want to push him. I brought it up once and he seemed very happy with where he is. I just wanted to-”
“Ha! That sounds like him. Yeah, he just doesn't know it yet. Give him a little while longer.” To Mizuki, and Rui as well, that probably means a few years. And while Tsukasa absolutely wouldn't mind spending that much time with Rui, should it really take that long? “I'm not saying he's dramatic, I'd do the same thing in his position, I think. Nobody's seen him since his love left him. Maybe rejected is the better word?” she laughs. “Ah, sorry, I interrupted you, didn't I? You can continue! I thought you were done.”
Tsukasa blinks.
How is he supposed to continue now that he's heard that!
“Uh. U-uh.” Tsukasa's lip twitches upward. “I wanted to bring him dinner! That's how all of this started. He told me he hasn't been eating, and I have a lot of offerings, so I thought I would organize a feast for him!”
“Oh!” Mizuki's eyes light up, then she bursts into laughter. “Well, good luck on getting him to eat anything the color green! I'm sure, if he was human, he'd starve before eating vegetables!”
Well, that's helpful!
“Do you have any other notes!” Tsukasa smiles. “I want him to really, really love it!”
Mizuki grins. “Of course!”
—
Tsukasa thinks about what Mizuki-san had said.
His ‘love?’ What does that mean?
Tsukasa loves Rui, but he's rather solemn sometimes. There's no way he never would have mentioned that, or even alluded to it at all. Who is there here that Rui would have been involved with? Tsukasa talked to half the realm today, surely it would have come up!
Unless it was… No, that doesn't make sense. It couldn't have been a human, it's not scientifically possible.
Tsukasa blinks.
Maybe he misunderstood. Not all love is romantic after all, maybe Mizuki was referring to…
ah…
Do humans straight up just… not worship him anymore? Is that what she meant by that?
And, and that would be why he doesn't get offerings anymore!
That's horrible!
No, no, Tsukasa has to fix this! It's not even out of the goodness of his heart anymore, it'd practically be a crime not to!
Tsukasa’s heart sinks to his shoes. He swallows thickly. Not having any contact from the humans is terrible, but it's even worse if they've… forgotten about him.
He swallows. Tsukasa doesn't know what he'd do if everyone suddenly forgot about him.
Why would Rui want this to happen? Maybe that's just what he wants people to feel. Yeah, that's right, it must be that he's just telling people that. Because there's no way he could actually think of something like that.
Does he think he deserves it?
Tsukasa shakes his head. He can't get on these sad speculations. All he needs to do is focus on making Rui happy! If he feels insecure, or undeserving, Tsukasa will put in 10,000% and make sure he never feels that way again!
“Emu! I have returned!”
“Tsukasa-kun!” Emu somehow hops down directly onto him almost immediately. Onto him. Tsukasa shouts in surprise and stumbles, but keeps his balance.
Emu lands on the ground next to him. Tsukasa coughs lightly, but recovers.
“I have ideas, and I have notes! You didn't even let me get to the most important part, earlier!” Tsukasa turns to her. “I'm orchestrating a feast, just for him!”
Emu's eyes get so big and sparkly Tsukasa thinks she might explode. She gasps, then grins and holds her hand up. “I'll help you make it better than the whole entire-entire history of the world!”
Tsukasa laughs raucously and high fives her. “I have lots of preferences for food, but I need drink help!”
“Of course! What do you want? Wines? Juices? Waters? Beers? Sodas? Teas? Lemonades? I can make anything go with anything, just you name it!”
Tsukasa grins so wide his cheeks hurt. This is going to be absolutely fantastic.
“Come with me! I've already put together some offerings, but you're the expert!”
“Yes! You should create a platter of marvelous food first, and figure drinks after if you know less about the preference!”
“Right!”
Tsukasa is incredibly giddy, he doesn't know how he'll even make it home.
— —
It actually takes a few days. Tsukasa has a lot to do, he does not have the time nor the energy to do all of his duties as well as set this up in a whole day. He spent so long speaking with everyone, then setting things up with Emu, that he needed a good two days afterwards to catch up.
There's not a way to work ahead, so Tsukasa finishes up a few things he's been dreading as well.
Sometimes prayers are so not black and white he has to sit on them for days…
Anyhow.
Tsukasa could have asked Emu for help, but he didn't want to scare Rui. Tsukasa didn't really understand all that Mizuki-san and some of the others told him, but it sure sounded like Rui does not want to be found. He went out of his way, even. Tsukasa isn't sure how or why he found this place before Emu did, she can see in the dark just as well as him, but… hm. Maybe it's something to do with his powers. Tsukasa still doesn't know what they do, after all.
Maybe it really is just making things darker, some sort of light or shadow manipulation. That would explain why it's hard to find the hut, and also why even he has difficulty seeing inside or around it sometimes.
Tsukasa has plates upon plates stacked in his arms and on his tail. He would have put one on his head, honestly, but it was unnecessary. He has some drinks in his arms, sodas and beers, a wine bottle curled within his tail's grasp, and a few dango sticks in his mouth between his teeth.
He could have asked for help in bringing it here, anyway.
Tsukasa can't knock, so he instead kicks the door lightly in a similar way that'd produce the same sound.
“Oh, uh, c-coming.” Rui calls. He walks to the doorway. Actually needing to open this door isn't something he's done in a while. It must be the closest he's come to leaving in decades. Maybe a century or so, honestly. He doesn't count. Never started.
He opens the door, and upon peeking out, is extremely surprised to see food in Tsukasa's hands. On plates, mind, but..!
Rui opens the door quickly. “I– ah, er, d-do you need help?” Maybe he's bringing something to a party, and needs help holding everything?
“No'e!” Tsukasa can't properly speak with some sort of food on a stick in his mouth. “Ca' you ‘ake ‘ese?” He asks. Rui blinks, comprehending what he means, then leans forward and takes two of the sticks, careful not to brush against his lips. “Anything else?”
“Nope!” As Tsukasa is stretching his head to see over the mound of dishes. Rui offers his hands to help with anything else, but Tsukasa ignores them and starts to walk inside. Rui steps aside to allow him. Wow, this is a lot of food. How is he carrying that much? That must be impossibly heavy.
Tsukasa doesn't wear sleeves. Rui's eyes trail a little downward. Wow.
Uh, anyway, Rui shuts the door and hurries to follow Tsukasa in.
“What, what is going on? What are you doing? What is all of this?”
Tsukasa turns and grins at him. “It's for you!”
Rui blinks. What? What?
“What?”
What, how- no, he can't accept this, what? This, he didn't earn them, he…
Rui stands there like a bump on a log as Tsukasa sets the table in front of the couch. He fidgets with his hands, biting his lip.
He tries to divert a little bit. “How can you carry that much?”
Tsukasa looks up at him and smiles, placing glasses of different drinks down on the table as well. It's certainly an impressive spread, he's put a lot of thought into this, but… there's no way Rui could accept this, ah, what does he want him to do?
“Yes, it is! Ha - haha!” He does that silly little laugh Rui loves so much and it sort of eases his nerves. Rui always needs to remind himself that he does indeed feel safe around Tsukasa, but it's hard to remember. “I can carry many heavy things, I'm very strong!” He puts his hands on his hips. “I could probably lift you!” He laughs again. “Hmm, actually,”
Tsukasa begins walking over to Rui, and honestly, Rui must be so slow, because he only puts two and two together once Tsukasa has already bent down and wrapped his arms around him. The noise Rui lets out can only be described as a shriek as he's vested from his place on the ground and tosses over Tsukasa's shoulder.
Rui stumbles as Tsukasa laughs, maybe surprised with himself, and he tries to put his hands on Tsukasa’s shoulder to keep himself upright. Tsukasa moves his grip further down Rui's leg, and supports his back with his other hand. He hikes Rui up in the air, and he loses his balance again, literally falling into Tsukasa's arms.
Wow.
Rui scrambles to wrap his arms around Tsukasa before he falls, but then he catches him, so he's sort of just holding him for no reason. Still, he doesn't let go, not feeling terribly secure without his feet on the ground. He keeps a good handle on those sticks, aswell.
Tsukasa gives him a toothy smile and walks him to the couch, gently twisting and placing him down. Tsukasa runs back behind the table, spreading his arms dramatically, tail wagging so hard it's hard to keep his footing.
“I put together a little something for you! It's got a little bit of everything, except for vegetables! I tried to stick with sweets and savory!” He starts pointing out dishes. “Lasagne, biryani, mie goreng! Dumplings, I have pancakes here too, dango of course,” he goes off about dishes, pointing and making sure to mention each of them.
Rui sits there dumbfounded. He looks from between Tsukasa and the table of food.
Tsukasa realizes. He has the containers that the drinks came in, but… He looks up from the table at Rui, laughing gently. “Aha, do you happen to– oh, I can take that- have any cups or glasses..?”
“Huh?” It takes Rui a second to realize he was being spoken to, and Tsukasa reaches to take the dango sticks from him. “Oh. Y-yes, in the kitchen.” He starts to stand, but Tsukasa holds a firm hand out. “Um. Behind you and to the south.”
Tsukasa blinks. What happened to ‘left' and ‘right'? Oh, whatever, Tsukasa knows what orientation they are on a map. He hurries to get something. Wow, these things are dusty. Tsukasa can't stop himself from shrieking as he accidentally reaches his hand into a cobweb. He quickly grabs two glasses and runs back to man his post, wiping them off on his pant leg.
“Back.” After a moment of searching, he finds a spot to place both of the glasses. “Emu helped me with the drinks! I have a lot here.” He laughs and picks up an aluminum can. “She told me there's even one that humans named after me! They also call me Qilin. That explains why I sometimes get it!”
He moves to sit next to Rui finally. Rui doesn't say anything else, just looks at the table, and slowly, to him. He has a quite complicated expression on his face. It seems to mostly be surprise.
Tsukasa swallows. Is this okay? Did he do too much?
He keeps trying. “I don't expect you to eat all of it, of course, I just wanted to have absolutely everything! What do you want to try first?”
“Uh…” Rui makes an uncertain noise, raising his hands slightly as he turns back to the table. He reaches out and takes the low rimmed bowl of biryani. There are a pair of chopsticks already inside of it.
He takes them, and fumbles more than once. Eventually, he just brings the bowl very close to his head and scoops a little bit into his mouth.
His eyes light up, and his eyebrows raise. “A-ah, this is…” He starts, then gives up. He starts to put the bowl down on his lap, but Tsukasa takes it to get it out of his way. He's so totally engrossed in what he's going to eat next that he's forgotten he needs to swallow his food. He takes a bite of a tangyuan ball, a little bit of egg, a strip or two of char siu.
When his mouth is full, he puts a hand to his lips and shuts his eyes gently.
He chews slowly, focused in like… well, Tsukasa was going to say like it was the first meal he's had in ages, but maybe it is.
Rui puts his hand on his chest as he swallows, making a little humming sound as he does so. His shoulders give a little hiccup motion, and for a moment Tsukasa leans forward to make sure he's not choking, but Rui looks downwards. He's clearly breathing.
“Tsukasa-kun..” He mutters, softly, and it reminds Tsukasa of how he spoke when they first met.
“Y-y– yes?” Tsukasa stutters, unsure of what's about to come next.
Rui looks up at him, smiling, tears in his eyes. His brows are pulled up, and such an expression honestly makes Tsukasa want to burst into tears as well! Rui blinks his tears away, wiping his eyes. “Thank you..!” He hiccups again, and a little choked sob leaves his throat. He lowers his head again, covering his face with both hands, and Tsukasa takes a chance and leans in to hug him.
Rui throws both arms around him, sniffling and pulling him close. He buries his face in the junction between Tsukasa's shoulder and neck, in the fluff of his fur before he moves to avoid getting it messy. He keeps gasping and sniffling, letting out tiny little sobs, chest jerking upwards when he hiccups, but not actually crying. Tsukasa holds him tight and puts a hand in his hair. His tail curls around him.
It takes a moment for him to calm down. When he removes himself, he doesn't go far, instead resting his head on Tsukasa's chest, almost like he was bowing. His voice is small, and it trembles as he speaks.
“Why… would you do this for someone like me?” Rui is still smiling, it seems like he's genuinely asking. “I just don't get it.”
Tsukasa grabs his shoulders and brings him up. “It's not ‘someone like you'!” He gives him a little shake. “It's you! ” Tsukasa feels his tear ducts start working and he tries his best to will them to stop. “You– you always speak like you're so far below me.” He tucks a piece of Rui's hair back behind his ear.
“... I–”
“No, hang on.” Tsukasa shakes his head. “You might be one of the kindest, sweetest gods I've ever met. Y-you showed me so many cool things! I've never actually seen a human in the flesh before, I don't think you realize how cool that was to me! I was trying and doing and thinking new things…” He shakes his head, squeezing his eyes shut. “And! And! You are such an important part of what makes me me. I wouldn't have any power over anything if it wasn't for you. You give me meaning. I couldn't imagine not working with you, or talking with you, or seeing you.”
Rui doesn't say anything, so Tsukasa keeps going.
“You've become such an important part of my life. I used to spend so much time doing the same thing every day, and I loved it, but you… you still… you brought h-hope! And light!” Tsukasa stumbles over his words, looking for the right term. “You made all of the time I spent with you go so delightfully fast. It was warm and inviting being here with you. And… and I… I can't stand the way you talk about yourself! You've done so much for me and for others, I'm sure!” Tsukasa sits up straighter. “I don't know what I have to do, but I'll get the humans to remember and love you again, I know I will. I'll do anything. It's not fair for me to take sole credit for the things that you made feel special!”
Rui looks again surprised, and that's a much more obvious expression. Maybe he hadn't thought Tsukasa could put it together.
“We…” Tsukasa struggles to figure out how to phrase it. It's such an intrinsic feeling inside him, he didn't know he'd ever need to put it into words. “Have this… I feel like, in my chest, we have… some kind of connection. I think… I think it's because our abilities are so interlinked! Everything feels so right when I'm with you. I'm so glad I met you. I don't care what you think of yourself, because I think you're worthy! No, I know it!” He yanks Rui back into his arms, holding him close. “You deserve all of the love in the world, and I want to give it to you!”
He squeezes Rui with all his might, and finally as he stops talking, big fat tears fall from his eyes. Tsukasa sniffles a little bit, and Rui starts to resist him, so he lets him go. Rui looks at him so tenderly, wipes the tears from his face with gloved hands.
Rui's lips are parted slightly, working like he doesn't know what to say, but is trying his best. He shuts them, then tries again.
“I've never tasted anything that was better than this.” His voice is still. Soft. Breathy. It's clear he's been crying. Tsukasa can hardly be upset that he had ignored all that, for long. “You… I've never felt better than I did meeting you. S-so much was happening all the time, but somehow I didn't feel scared.” He places his hand over his heart. “I… I think I… know what you mean. I understand your feelings.” Rui squeezes his hand into a fist, then relaxes and places it on his lap. “I feel alive.”
He reaches up, craning his neck forward as he brings Tsukasa's head down gently, still cradling his face. Rui plants a kiss on his cheek. Tsukasa blushes.
It's not like kissing is anything all that crazy. It's used to show love in all of its forms. But somehow, with the kind way Rui brushes his lips against him, and the short time he lingers, something feels different. It makes Tsukasa's heart beat quicker. He feels like something is clutching onto his heart.
No, but, that's not right, is it..? This kind of thing is special. He wants to reciprocate. It feels totally different.
Tsukasa has never felt like this in his life. His stomach feels light, heart pounding, hands sort of shaky. He can only think of one thing.
He doesn't know all that much about this stuff. He's never felt this way before, so he's never needed to look into it, never had to reach inside himself and deconstruct how he's feeling. He should bring this up with An, maybe, but there's no time for that now!
Tsukasa wants to hold Rui, so he does, lifting his hands and cradling his face. Rui moves one of his own hands to cup over Tsukasa's, looking up into his eyes.
Tsukasa doesn't know every cultural implication in the book, and he certainly doesn't know them from the time when Rui learnt social norms. Still, he goes with his instinct.
He leans in, and presses a kiss to the only place Rui can kiss him back, on the lips. It makes him afraid to go right for the middle, honestly, so he goes for the corner of his mouth instead. He tries to infuse it with everything he's feeling, everything he can't put into words, everything he doesn't even know how to start thinking about articulating.
When he pulls away, Tsukasa's hands drift a bit, falling down to Rui's collarbones. Rui rubs his hand gently.
Tsukasa swallows as he gathers the courage to speak up again. “You should pace yourself while eating. I know there is a lot here, and you must be starving, but I don't want you to get a tummy ache!”
Rui smiles warmly. It makes Tsukasa want to hold onto him and never let go.
“Of course.”