Chapter Text
As Felix hurried down the darkened street, his breath came in frantic bursts, each exhale sharp and fast, matching the pounding rhythm of his heart. He didn’t know where he was going, but the need to escape was overwhelming, gnawing at him with an intensity he couldn’t control. He stumbled as he walked, his steps uneven as his mind raced. He could still hear their voices in his head, still see the concerned looks on their faces. Every worried word they’d said, every attempt to pull him back, felt like a shackle tightening around him.
If they think I’m a burden… if they think I’m some problem they need to fix, he thought bitterly, his jaw clenched, then fine. I’ll make sure they don’t have to worry about me anymore.
A sudden swell of paranoia crept over him, and he shook his head, trying to dislodge it, but it only grew louder, more persistent. They were all just trying to control him. Every “concerned” word, every cautious look was just a way to keep him in line, to keep him tied down. They’d be happier if I wasn’t around, he thought, the words a harsh echo in his mind. They’d be fine without me… they probably wouldn’t even miss me.
Spotting a cab parked under a streetlight up ahead, he stumbled over, his hands digging into his pocket to pull out the crumpled bills. He tossed the money at the driver, his voice barely steady as he spoke.
“Just drive,” he mumbled, his voice rough and unsteady. “As far as you can.”
The driver, a middle-aged man with kind eyes, gave him a concerned look. “You alright, kid?” he asked, glancing down at the crumpled cash. “Where do you want to go?”
“Anywhere,” Felix snapped, a frantic edge in his voice. “Just… get me away from here.”
With a wary nod, the driver started the engine, and the cab pulled away from the curb, moving further and further from the familiar city lights. Felix leaned his head against the window, watching as the streetlights blurred past, each one fading into the darkness behind them. The empty road seemed to stretch on endlessly, and for a moment, he let himself sink into the numbness of it, the sense of finally getting away.
But the quiet didn’t last.
A flicker of movement caught his eye, something dark shifting just outside the window. His body tensed, his fingers gripping the edge of the seat as he peered into the darkness. There was nothing there, just shadows cast by the passing trees. But his mind wouldn’t let it go. Someone’s watching you, a voice whispered in his mind. They’re following you.
He swallowed hard, his gaze darting to the other side of the car, his pulse racing. The shadows seemed to be shifting, growing, closing in around him. He pressed himself against the back of the seat, his heart hammering as the feeling of being watched intensified, the paranoia coiling tighter and tighter inside him. He could feel eyes on him, dark and cold, and the thought made his skin crawl.
“Stop,” he muttered, his voice barely a whisper. They know where you are. They’re coming after you.
The driver looked back, confused. “What did you say?”
“Stop the car!” Felix’s voice cracked, rising in pitch as he gripped the door handle, his fingers digging into the cold metal. The driver slowed, concern evident in his gaze as he glanced back at Felix.
“Take a deep breath, alright?” the driver said softly. “You’re safe, kid. Just take it easy—”
Felix couldn’t hear him over the pounding in his ears. His heart was racing, his thoughts spiraling as the shadows outside seemed to close in, pressing against the glass, clawing at the edges of his vision. His pulse was erratic, his breaths coming in quick, shallow bursts as he watched the darkness shift and writhe around him. They’re here, his mind insisted, panic seizing his body. They’ve found you.
Without another thought, he threw open the car door, not waiting for it to fully stop. He stumbled out, hitting the gravel shoulder of the road hard, his knees scraping against the rough ground. He barely felt the impact as he scrambled to his feet, his mind focused solely on getting away, on escaping whatever was out there.
He bolted into the darkness, his legs moving on instinct as he sprinted down the empty road. The night was pitch black, stretching out in every direction, an endless void that seemed to swallow him whole. But the shadows weren’t just outside—they were inside, too, filling his mind with whispers that grew louder and more insistent with each step.
They’re right behind you, his mind screamed. They’re going to catch you, drag you back. You’ll never escape them.
He couldn’t see anything but the faint outline of trees lining the road, their branches twisting and bending in the wind, looking like skeletal fingers reaching out to snatch him. His breaths came in ragged gasps, his throat burning, but he didn’t stop. The darkness pressed in around him, suffocating, and he could feel the shadows growing thicker, closing in, surrounding him on all sides.
He glanced over his shoulder, certain he’d see someone chasing him, but there was nothing there—just the empty, silent road stretching out behind him. His heart hammered harder, his thoughts racing as he ran faster, the feeling of being hunted so overwhelming that he could hardly breathe.
Suddenly, his foot caught on something, a rock or a dip in the road, and he stumbled, his arms flailing as he tried to catch himself. But he was too unsteady, his body too exhausted, and he fell forward, his knees hitting the ground first before his head struck the cold, hard pavement.
A sharp, blinding pain shot through his skull, and the world around him spun violently, the shadows bleeding together until everything went dark.
–
The slam of the door echoed through the dorm, leaving a silence so thick that it was almost suffocating. The boys stood frozen in the middle of the room, Felix’s angry words still ringing in their ears. Jisung’s shoulders began to shake, and he turned away, clenching his hands tightly, trying to stop the tears that were threatening to spill over.
Minho was by his side in an instant, gently pulling Jisung into a hug, one hand rubbing comforting circles on his back. “It’s okay,” he murmured, though the worry in his own eyes betrayed his words. “He’s just… he’s not himself right now. We’ll find him, and we’ll talk it out.”
Jisung let out a shaky breath, nodding, but his expression remained filled with hurt. “Why did he say all that? Why would he just… walk out on us like that?”
The room felt heavy with the unspoken question, each of them struggling to understand. Felix’s behavior over the past few weeks had been increasingly erratic, but this—storming out, shouting that he was “done with them”—felt different. It felt final, and none of them could shake the feeling that something deeper was going on.
Chan ran a hand through his hair, his face tight with frustration and worry. “This isn’t Felix,” he muttered, more to himself than anyone else. “Something’s wrong, something big.”
Hyunjin nodded, his voice soft. “He’s been… distant, and then suddenly reckless, like he’s not thinking things through. And he was with… with Woojin, of all people.” His voice faltered, a look of betrayal flickering across his face. “He’s never been like this. Not even close.”
They all shared uneasy glances, each of them feeling the same gut-wrenching fear for their friend. Seungmin looked down, his voice barely above a whisper. “Maybe he’s dealing with something we don’t know about. Maybe he’s been hiding it.”
Changbin’s fists clenched, his jaw tight as he tried to hold back his frustration. “This is insane. I feel like we’re just in the dark here, like there’s something they haven’t told us about Felix.” He looked around, his eyes fierce. “We’re supposed to be a family, and yet none of us have any idea what’s going on with him. How could they keep something like this from us?”
Chan hesitated, his mind racing. The pieces weren’t fitting together, but one thing was clear: they couldn’t just stand around waiting. He took a deep breath, his face hardening with determination. “We need to call the managers. If anyone knows what’s going on with Felix, it’s them.”
He pulled out his phone, dialing the manager’s number and putting it on speaker so everyone could hear. The phone rang a few times, each ring drawing them further into the tension of the moment, until finally, the manager answered.
“Yes?” The manager’s voice was tense, as if he already knew something was wrong.
“Felix stormed out,” Chan said, trying to keep his voice steady. “He’s not himself, and we’re… we’re really worried about him. He’s been acting strangely for weeks, and now he’s just… gone. We don’t know where he went.”
There was a long pause on the other end, a silence so thick that it only heightened their anxiety. Then the manager’s voice came through, quieter and more serious than they had ever heard it. “Come to the building immediately. All of you. We’ll discuss it here.”
The call ended abruptly, leaving them staring at each other, the weight of unspoken fears hanging heavily in the air.
“See?” Changbin said, his voice filled with frustration and anger. “They’ve been hiding something from us all along. I knew it.”
Hyunjin nodded, his expression somber. “They know something about Felix. Something we don’t. And it’s serious enough that they want us to go in right now, in the middle of the night.”
Jisung’s eyes were red, his face pale. “What could they possibly be keeping from us? Why wouldn’t they tell us if something was wrong with him?”
Chan took a deep breath, trying to push down his own frustration. “I don’t know. But we’re going to find out.”
They moved quickly, gathering their things and heading out of the dorm with a sense of urgency that none of them could shake. The drive to the company building was silent, the tension thick as each of them grappled with their own fears. Every now and then, one of them would look out the window, lost in thought, worry etched into their faces.
The moment they reached the building, they barely paused to catch their breath before hurrying inside, their footsteps echoing through the empty halls as they headed toward the meeting room the manager had mentioned. Chan led the way, his face set with determination as he pushed open the door.
Inside, a group of people was already gathered—a few managers, some staff members, the team’s doctor, and JYP himself. They were talking in hushed tones, their expressions grim, and the atmosphere was thick with tension. It was clear from the moment they stepped inside that something serious was going on.
Chan’s gaze hardened as he looked around, the worry in his eyes quickly replaced with a mix of anger and frustration. “What’s going on?” he demanded, his voice louder than he’d intended. “We know you’re hiding something about Felix. We deserve to know what it is.”
JYP held up a hand, his face unusually solemn. “Sit down, all of you.”
They exchanged tense glances before settling into the chairs around the table, their bodies rigid with anticipation. Once they were seated, JYP looked over to the doctor, who let out a deep sigh before turning to address them.
“I’m sorry we haven’t told you this sooner,” the doctor began, his voice calm but filled with regret. “Felix has bipolar 1 disorder. He’s been stable and medicated for his entire time in Stray Kids.”
The revelation hit them like a wave, each of them reacting in stunned silence. Jisung’s mouth fell open, his face pale with shock. Minho placed a steadying hand on his shoulder, his own expression a mixture of confusion and worry.
Jeongin, his voice small and uncertain, finally broke the silence. “What… what is that? Bipolar?”
The doctor’s gaze softened, and he took a moment before answering. “Bipolar disorder is a mental health condition that involves intense mood swings. It can range from episodes of depression, where someone might feel very low, exhausted, and hopeless, to manic episodes, where they may feel overly energetic, impulsive, or even agitated.”
The boys sat in stunned silence, the pieces slowly falling into place as they each recalled Felix’s recent behavior: the restless energy, the reckless choices, the laughter that seemed forced, and the flashes of anger and defiance. Chan’s voice broke through the silence, barely above a whisper. “So… this past month, the way he’s been acting…?”
The doctor nodded, his expression sympathetic. “It’s likely he’s now experiencing a manic episode. The signs are consistent.”
Hyunjin’s face twisted with worry as he leaned forward. “But if he’s been medicated and stable, why is this happening now?”
The doctor looked away, a flicker of guilt crossing his face. “Unfortunately, there’s been a shortage of his medication. We had no choice but to take him off it. We were monitoring him closely, but… with conditions like bipolar disorder, there’s always a risk when treatment is interrupted.”
The shock in the room quickly shifted to anger, the boys realizing the full weight of what they’d just heard. Changbin clenched his fists, his voice low but filled with fury. “You took him off his meds? Without telling us? Without even making sure he’d be okay?”
Before the doctor could respond, JYP stepped in, his tone firm and commanding. “Enough. We can discuss what went wrong here later. Right now, our priority is finding Felix and making sure he’s safe.”
The team therapist, who had been quietly observing, nodded in agreement, her voice gentle but serious. “If Felix is indeed in a manic episode, he’s in a fragile state. He may not be fully aware of his actions, and he could be a danger to himself or even others. Unfamiliar surroundings will only add to his distress, making him feel more out of control.”
Chan swallowed hard, the responsibility settling heavily on his shoulders. “So… what do we do?”
JYP looked at him with a steely gaze. “We’ve already informed the local police. They’re on the lookout for him, and we’ll be keeping in close contact with them. Your job is to be ready to support him when he’s found.”
The boys nodded, though the reality of the situation weighed heavily on them. They were left feeling helpless, knowing that Felix was out there, vulnerable and alone, facing something far more complex than they had ever imagined. And as they left the room, the gravity of their new understanding hit them full force: Felix needed them now more than ever, and they would do whatever it took to bring him home safely.
–
Felix’s eyes blinked open, but the world around him was a blur of darkness, shapes merging into one another as he tried to make sense of his surroundings. A sharp, throbbing pain radiated from the back of his head, and he grimaced, slowly lifting his hand to feel the wound. His fingers came away sticky and wet, and when he squinted at them, he saw the glistening smear of blood coating his skin.
Where am I? he wondered, his thoughts thick and muddled, like they were trapped in fog. How did I get here?
His heart began to pound as he took in the endless dark around him. There were no streetlights, no distant city glow, no sign of civilization at all—just open field and the twisted, ominous silhouettes of trees looming in the distance. Panic crept in as he realized he couldn’t recognize a single landmark. He felt completely untethered, stranded in an unfamiliar place with no clear way out.
Shivering, he pulled his jacket tighter around himself, but even that felt strange, like a foreign weight clinging to his skin. He glanced down, taking in his scraped and bloodied knees, his torn sleeves, and his forearms littered with scratches and bruises. Each small wound stung, but the pain was drowned out by the disorientation that fogged his mind, the gnawing sensation that he was lost, utterly alone.
The silence around him felt unnatural, pressing against him from all sides, and as he strained his ears, he began to pick up faint sounds—whispers that seemed to hover just out of reach. At first, he thought it was the wind, the faint rustling of the trees, but the sounds grew louder, clearer, until he could almost make out words—menacing, incomprehensible, twisting around each other like layers of an endless murmur. He clapped his hands over his ears, squeezing his eyes shut.
“Stop it,” he muttered, his voice barely a whisper. “Just… stop.”
But the whispers didn’t stop; they seemed to grow louder, insistent, like they were crawling into his mind, taking root in the corners of his brain. His breaths came faster, and he felt his chest tightening, panic blooming as he tried to block them out, tried to drown out the constant, haunting sounds that wouldn’t leave him alone. He rocked back and forth, pressing his palms harder against his ears, his voice cracking as he whimpered, “Please… just leave me alone…”
Opening his eyes, he looked around frantically, but the darkness only seemed thicker, the shadows stretching and warping. Every flicker at the edge of his vision felt like a figure moving closer, creeping toward him with each passing second. His heartbeat thundered, drowning out even the faintest rational thought, until all he could feel was the urgent need to escape, to get away from whatever was closing in on him.
And then, a sudden flash of light pierced the darkness, bright and blinding. He squinted, recoiling as the beam cut through the shadows, illuminating him and the field around him. More lights followed, converging on him, and as his vision adjusted, he saw a group of people standing a few feet away, each of them holding a flashlight pointed directly at him. Their faces were shadowed, hidden behind the harsh light, and all he could make out were faint outlines, distorted and strange.
Felix’s chest heaved as he looked at them, his eyes wide with terror. “Help me!” he cried, his voice breaking. “Please, there are… there are wolves! There are people coming after me!”
The strangers stared at him, their faces unreadable, and one of them stepped forward, speaking to him in a voice that sounded muffled, distorted, as if he were hearing it underwater. The words made no sense, foreign and garbled, and he struggled to understand, the familiar language slipping through his mind like sand through his fingers. It was as if his brain couldn’t process it, couldn’t grasp even the simplest phrases.
“I… I don’t understand!” Felix shouted, his voice tinged with desperation. “Speak English! We don’t have time—just help me!”
But the people continued speaking in the same garbled language, their voices blending into a strange, incomprehensible hum that only fed his growing panic. He shook his head, trying to shake off the confusion, but his mind was spinning, warping the sounds until they no longer seemed human at all.
And then, like a nightmare creeping into his thoughts, a terrifying idea took hold: They’re not human. They’re… aliens.
His breathing grew frantic as the thought burrowed deeper, twisting his fear into a dark, all-consuming terror. He could feel his heart hammering against his ribcage, his blood turning cold as the whispers returned, louder, more insistent. They’re here to take me, his mind screamed. They’re going to dissect me, experiment on me. They’re talking to each other in an alien language, planning what they’ll do to me.
Felix backed away, his legs shaking, but he forced himself to stand, to escape. The strangers continued talking, their lights fixed on him, and one of them reached out a hand, as if to calm him, but he wouldn’t let them get close. He wouldn’t let them take him.
“Stay away from me!” he cried, his voice raw, breaking with fear. He took another step back, his body trembling as he lifted his hands in defense. “You’re not… you’re not human! Just leave me alone!”
The strangers exchanged worried glances, and one of them stepped closer, his hand still outstretched, his voice a soft murmur that Felix couldn’t understand. But the words twisted in his mind, and he was sure he could hear malice hidden within them, an otherworldly cruelty just beneath the surface.
In a burst of adrenaline, he turned, pushing through the pain and dizziness that clouded his senses, and broke into a sprint. His only thought was to escape, to put as much distance between himself and the creatures he was convinced were closing in on him. He heard the strangers calling after him, their voices echoing in the night, but he didn’t stop. He couldn’t.
He ran blindly through the field, his feet pounding against the ground, the sharp sting of cold air cutting into his lungs. Each step felt like an eternity, and the darkness around him seemed to stretch on endlessly, an inescapable void that swallowed every trace of safety. His mind raced, a jumbled mess of fragmented thoughts and fears, each one feeding into the next until he was drowning in paranoia.
They’ll find me. They’re following me. They’ll capture me and take me away.
The darkness only deepened, and as he pushed forward, he felt the shadows pressing in, closing around him like a living, breathing entity. Every step sent a fresh wave of pain through his head, but he couldn’t stop. The thought of slowing down, of being caught, was too terrifying.
His breaths came in short, shallow gasps, his vision narrowing as he broke through the edge of the field and stumbled into a dense thicket of trees. The branches clawed at his skin, scraping against his face and arms as he forced his way deeper into the woods, his mind filled with images of creatures lurking just beyond the reach of his vision. The darkness was suffocating, the whispers growing louder, echoing through the trees, each one feeding the twisted thoughts in his mind.
They’re here. They’ve found me. They’ll never let me go.
He glanced over his shoulder, convinced he’d see shadows moving, figures with hollow eyes and twisted faces, but all he saw was the impenetrable blackness. His mind wouldn’t let him rest, though, wouldn’t let him believe he was alone. Every sound—a rustle, a crack, the wind stirring the leaves—felt like footsteps, closing in, trapping him.
He pushed himself harder, faster, his body running on instinct as fear propelled him forward. His thoughts spiraled further, and he couldn’t tell if he was breathing or if he was drowning, if he was running or if he was falling. Nothing made sense anymore. The only thing he knew was the fear, the desperate need to escape.
But even as he ran, his mind spiraled, his thoughts twisted by fear and paranoia. They’ll find me, he thought. They always find me.
–
The boys sat in the dim light of the practice room, the silence thick with tension as they exchanged glances. Each of them was wrapped in their own thoughts, struggling to process everything they’d learned. Jisung was tapping his foot anxiously, Hyunjin’s hands were clenched in his lap, and Minho stared at the floor, his face blank but his shoulders rigid. Finally, Chan broke the silence, his voice barely above a whisper.
“I can’t believe he’s been dealing with this alone,” he murmured. “We should have noticed… we should have known.”
Han looked down, his shoulders shaking slightly as he tried to keep his emotions in check. “He never even gave us a chance to help him.”
The weight of his words settled over the group, each of them silently processing the shock of Felix’s sudden change in behavior. Hyunjin shook his head, running a hand through his hair as he stared at the floor. “I don’t know if he even wanted help,” he said softly, a look of helplessness flashing across his face. “He was so… distant, so angry. It’s like he didn’t trust us anymore.”
Changbin’s face twisted in pain as he glanced at Chan, his eyes glistening with tears. He hesitated, his voice thick with emotion as he spoke. “That day… at the bridge. I… I think it was a suicide attempt.”
A heavy silence settled over them, each of them feeling the weight of Changbin’s words as they let the possibility sink in. Jisung buried his face in his hands, his shoulders shaking as Minho pulled him closer, his own expression pained. Hyunjin looked away, blinking rapidly, while Seungmin stared at the floor, his face a mixture of shock and sadness. They had all sensed something was wrong with Felix, but none of them had realized just how serious it was.
“It makes sense, doesn’t it?” Changbin continued, his voice barely a whisper. “He was acting so… empty. Like he didn’t care anymore. And now… this. He’s completely different, like he’s on the other end of whatever he was feeling before.”
Minho’s voice broke through the silence, soft but filled with resolve. “And now he’s… he’s in a manic episode. He’s out there, alone, and he’s not himself. We have to find him before something happens.”
The group nodded, determination setting in each of their faces as they considered all the places Felix might have gone. They tossed around ideas—parks he used to visit, spots he’d mentioned wanting to see—but none of them seemed right. He was too far gone for familiar places; it was as if he were running from them, not toward something.
Just as they were beginning to feel defeated, the door to the practice room flew open, and one of their managers hurried in, his face filled with worry and urgency.
“There’s news about Felix,” the manager said, his tone grave as he looked at each of them. They all leaned forward, desperate for any clue, any chance to find him.
The manager took a deep breath before explaining. “A cab driver just reported having a passenger who matches Felix’s description. He drove him out to the countryside, but during the ride, the passenger started freaking out, demanding to be let out, saying he needed to escape.”
The boys’ faces paled as they listened, the horror of the situation hitting them full force. Jisung covered his mouth, his eyes wide with worry, while Chan clenched his fists, trying to steady himself.
“He jumped out of the car,” the manager continued, his voice somber. “The driver stopped and tried to turn around, but by the time he got back to where Felix would have landed… he was gone.”
Jeongin shook his head, his face pale. “So he’s out there, in the countryside, alone?” His voice cracked, his steady composure crumbling as the reality of Felix’s vulnerability sank in.
The manager nodded, his face grim. “We’ve notified emergency responders, and they’re on their way to search the area.”
Chan shot to his feet, his face filled with determination. “Then we’re going too,” he said firmly. “We’re not just going to sit here while he’s out there.”
The manager hesitated, his expression troubled. “I’m not sure it’s a good idea,” he said carefully. “If Felix is in the state we think he’s in… you might not want to see him like this. It could be… difficult.”
Hyunjin stood up, his gaze fierce. “He’s ours. Felix is our friend, our family. If he’s out there, scared and alone, then we’re going to be there for him. No one’s going to keep us from him.”
The other boys nodded, each of them mirroring Hyunjin’s resolve. The manager sighed, nodding reluctantly. “Alright. Let’s go.”
They hurried out to the car, piling in as quickly as possible. The drive to the countryside was tense, each of them lost in their own thoughts, their worry for Felix growing with each passing mile. The darkness outside felt suffocating, the empty roads a stark reminder of just how far from home Felix had wandered. Every minute that ticked by felt like an eternity, their anxiety building with the silence.
Finally, they arrived at the scene, where police cars were gathered at the edge of a wide, open field. The flashing lights cast an eerie glow over the area, illuminating clusters of people, some of them in uniform, others wearing the simple clothes of local farmers.
The boys climbed out of the car, exchanging tense looks as they took in the scene. Chan led the way, his face set with determination as they approached one of the officers, who was speaking with a group of farmers. When the conversation ended, the officer turned to them, his expression serious.
“We spoke with a few locals who saw someone matching your friend’s description,” he explained, his voice steady but sympathetic. “They found him in their field, crying and screaming at nothing. His head was bleeding, his arms and legs scraped up. They tried talking to him, but he didn’t seem to understand. And when they got closer, he… ran into the woods.”
The boys’ hearts dropped, the fear settling deeper as they realized just how lost Felix must have been. Jisung wiped a stray tear from his cheek, his hands shaking slightly as he took in the officer’s words. Hyunjin swallowed hard, his gaze distant as he processed the image of Felix out in the field, terrified and confused.
The officer continued, his tone grave. “We believe it’s your friend, and we’re organizing a search party now. We’ll cover the area, but it might take time. The woods are dense, and in his state, he could be difficult to find.”
Without a second thought, the boys volunteered, each of them determined to do whatever it took to bring Felix back. The officer nodded, appreciative of their resolve, and gave them directions on where to start. With flashlights in hand, they joined the rest of the search party, their hearts pounding as they prepared to scour the woods, desperate to find Felix before it was too late.
–
Felix crouched in the thick of the underbrush, his breath coming in short, panicked gasps. He peered around him, his eyes wide as he strained to see through the darkness. Every shadow seemed alive, twisting and contorting into monstrous shapes that crept closer with each passing second. His mind raced, the fear twisting his thoughts into impossible horrors—aliens, wolves, things lurking just beyond his sight, watching and waiting.
He tried to steady himself, to focus, but the whispers returned, louder, insistent. They echoed in his head, filling every corner of his mind, overlapping until he couldn’t tell what was real and what was his own terrified imagination. He wanted to run, to scream, but the voices seemed to multiply, a cacophony of sounds that sent him spiraling deeper into panic.
Without thinking, he scrambled up a tree, the bark scraping against his fingers as he climbed higher, desperate to escape the shadows below. He perched on a branch, gripping it tightly, his eyes darting around as he tried to keep a lookout for the predators he was certain were after him. His heart thundered in his chest, the adrenaline coursing through him amplifying every sound, every flicker of movement. Each second he expected something to leap at him, to drag him down into the darkness.
A faint rustle sounded beneath him, and he froze, his body rigid as he held his breath. But then, a shadow seemed to jump out of the darkness, darting toward him, and he jerked back with a gasp, losing his balance. The branch slipped from his hands, and he felt himself plummeting to the ground, a helpless cry escaping him as he crashed onto the forest floor, the impact knocking the breath from his lungs.
For a few agonizing seconds, he couldn’t breathe, his chest tight as he lay sprawled on the cold earth. Panic seized him as he gasped, trying to draw in air, but each attempt was met with nothing, his vision swimming as he struggled. The voices grew louder, sharper, like screams echoing in his mind, and he clutched at his chest, his nails digging into his skin as he tried to hold himself together.
After what felt like an eternity, he managed to take a shallow, wheezing breath, his lungs burning as he sucked in the cold night air. But the relief was short-lived. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw lights flickering through the trees, beams of brightness cutting through the darkness, and his heart leapt with terror. They found me. The aliens have found me.
Scrambling to his feet, he ignored the sharp pain that shot up his leg, the injury from his fall barely registering through the haze of fear clouding his mind. He took off again, weaving through the trees, his breaths coming in ragged gasps as he sprinted away from the lights. His vision blurred, the trees and shadows melding into one chaotic swirl as he ran, stumbling over roots and rocks in his desperation to escape.
Behind him, he could hear voices calling his name, but he didn’t stop, didn’t even look back. They’re tricking you, his mind screamed. They’re trying to lure you in, to make you trust them. He clenched his fists, nails digging into his palms as he forced himself to keep going, his mind consumed by the certainty that he was being hunted.
“Please,” he whimpered, his voice barely a whisper as he stumbled through the undergrowth. “Please, just leave me alone…”
But the lights continued to follow him, bobbing closer with each step, the voices growing louder, more insistent. He tripped over a root, his ankle twisting painfully as he tumbled down a small hill, landing in a heap at the bottom. Pain shot through his leg, and he bit back a cry, clenching his teeth as he forced himself to stay quiet, to stay hidden.
You can’t let them find you, his mind whispered. They’ll take you away. They’ll never let you go.
He dragged himself further down the hill, pressing his back against a fallen log as he tried to make himself as small as possible. His breaths came in shallow, rapid bursts, his chest heaving as he fought to stay silent. The voices were closer now, calling out his name, their tones filled with concern, but his mind twisted the words, turning them into threats.
“You’ll be safe!” one of the voices called, the words sounding almost pleading.
“We’re here to help you,” another said, softer, warmer, but Felix squeezed his eyes shut, shaking his head violently. They’re lying. They’re trying to capture you.
Clamping his hands over his ears, he pressed himself tighter against the log, his fingers digging into his scalp as he tried to drown out the voices, the lights, everything. He rocked back and forth, whispering frantically to himself, his voice trembling as he repeated the words over and over, like a mantra. “They’re not real… they’re not real… they’re not…”
A bright light suddenly shone on him, illuminating him in the darkness, and he flinched, pulling his arms around himself as he looked up. But the face he saw was distorted, wrong—the features twisted, inhuman, the eyes too large, the skin too pale. His breath caught in his throat, his entire body going rigid as he stared, terror freezing him in place.
“No… no, please,” he whimpered, his voice breaking as he shrank away from the figure looming over him. “Please, don’t… don’t hurt me. I’ll do whatever you want, just… just let me go…”
The voices continued calling his name, one of them louder than the others, clearer, cutting through the haze of his fear. It sounded familiar, warm and comforting, a tone he’d heard countless times before, but his mind was too clouded, too fractured to piece it together. He turned his head, his gaze flickering toward the sound, and for a split second, the fear lifted, replaced by a flicker of recognition.
There, standing a few feet away, were his friends—their faces filled with worry, their voices gentle as they called out to him. Chan, Hyunjin, Minho… each one of them watching him, reaching out to him with open arms, their expressions a mixture of concern and relief. For a moment, everything else faded, the terror receding as he stared at them, his mind struggling to process the scene in front of him.
The familiar faces, the familiar voices… they weren't real. The shadows, the voices, the aliens—they weren’t. They couldn’t be.
–
The boys spread out through the dark woods, moving in tense silence, their flashlights casting sharp beams across the dense trees and rough terrain. Each of them called out Felix’s name, their voices echoing in the vast silence, desperate and filled with worry. The forest seemed to swallow their words, every shout returning to them as empty as when it had left their lips.
Jeongin clung close to Chan’s side, his wide eyes darting around as he whispered, “Hyung… what if we don’t find him?” His voice wavered, barely able to hold steady.
Chan placed a hand on Jeongin’s shoulder, squeezing gently, though his own expression was etched with anxiety. “We will. We have to.” But even as he said it, his heart was pounding, dread settling deeper in his stomach with every step.
Suddenly, a faint, agonized cry echoed from somewhere in the distance, cutting through the thick silence. Everyone froze, their flashlights catching on the pale trees and turning them into twisted shapes in the night. Hyunjin’s head snapped in the direction of the sound, his face paling. “That’s him! That’s Felix!”
Without waiting, they broke into a sprint, following the sound, their breaths harsh in the cold air. Branches scratched at their arms and faces, but they didn’t care; they pushed through, driven by the single hope of reaching Felix.
As they drew closer, they joined up with a few police officers and EMTs who were also moving towards the sound. Chan’s heart pounded, his breath coming in ragged bursts as he fought to stay focused, his flashlight bouncing wildly as he ran.
Up ahead, a flashlight beam swept across the trees, briefly illuminating a figure stumbling in the shadows. Felix.
“Felix!” Chan called out, his voice breaking with relief and desperation. But Felix’s reaction wasn’t what they’d hoped. He froze, his entire body tense, then turned and ran in the opposite direction, his movements frantic, like an animal in a trap.
The boys could only watch in shock as Felix ran, his pace wild and erratic, his eyes wide with a terror they could feel even from a distance. “Felix, wait!” Jisung shouted, his voice laced with desperation. But Felix only picked up speed, his voice ringing through the trees as he screamed back, “Leave me alone!”
Chan’s heart dropped at the raw, broken tone in Felix’s voice, the desperation and fear cutting him to the core. They kept their flashlights trained on him, trying to keep him in sight, calling out his name, but he seemed unreachable, lost in a fear none of them could pull him out of.
Suddenly, the beam of light caught on empty space. Felix had dropped out of sight, vanishing as though the darkness had swallowed him whole.
“Felix!” Changbin yelled, surging forward, his instincts to reach his friend overpowering everything else. But one of the police officers quickly stepped in, blocking his path with a firm hand. “Stay back. He could be dangerous in this state. Let us handle it.”
Changbin faltered, his fists clenched, frustration and pain evident in his expression. He looked to the others, his eyes glistening with unshed tears, but he took a step back, staying close with them as the officers and EMTs began to carefully descend the steep hill that Felix had fallen down.
The boys moved down slowly, their hearts pounding as they kept their flashlights aimed ahead, each of them straining to catch a glimpse of Felix. And finally, they saw him, crouched at the bottom, his whole body trembling as he pressed himself back against the earth, his hands clenched over his ears.
“Please… don’t hurt me… just… just leave me alone,” Felix whimpered, his voice barely more than a whisper. The sight tore through them, a raw, visceral pain settling over each of them as they saw the friend they loved reduced to such fear and confusion.
An officer approached Felix, moving slowly, his voice calm and steady as he spoke, but Felix only flinched, pressing further into the earth, his face a mask of terror. His gaze darted wildly, his eyes unfocused as he looked between them, struggling to recognize anyone, to find anything familiar in the distorted world his mind had created.
Then, finally, his gaze landed on Chan.
“Felix!” Chan called softly, his voice filled with careful hope. “It’s us. We’re here for you.”
For a heartbeat, Felix’s expression softened, the frantic light in his eyes dimming as he looked at Chan. The boys felt a surge of relief, a tentative hope that they’d finally reached him, that he’d finally come back to them.
But then, his breathing picked up again, and his expression twisted in fear as he shook his head violently. “No… you’re not real. You’re not—you’re tricking me,” he stammered, his voice breaking with panic.
Seungmin stepped forward, his tone soothing, his words carefully chosen. “Felix, it’s us. We’re real. We just want to help you.”
But Felix backed away, his whole body trembling as he let out a terrified scream. “Stay away from me!” he shouted, his voice raw with desperation as he reached for a large stick on the ground. He held it up, his grip unsteady but firm, waving it defensively as he kept his gaze fixed on them, daring them to come any closer.
The boys were stunned into silence, each of them rooted in place as they watched the friend they’d known for so long turn into someone they barely recognized. This was Felix—kind, gentle, always so full of life—and yet, here he was, so utterly lost, consumed by a terror that none of them could pull him out of.
Chan’s heart ached, the weight of helplessness pressing down on him, until he heard a low murmur from one of the EMTs. “We need to sedate him.”
He turned, an instinctive protest rising in his throat. “No, he… he just needs—” But Minho placed a hand on his shoulder, his gaze steady and filled with sorrow.
“Chan, look at him,” Minho whispered, his voice soft but resolute. “This is the only way to help him.”
Chan looked back at Felix, really taking in the sight before him—the blood and dirt smeared across his face, his clothes torn, his whole body shaking with exhaustion and terror. This was Felix, the same boy who’d spent countless nights laughing with them, who’d been a bright presence even on their darkest days. But right now, he was barely a shadow of himself, so lost that he couldn’t tell his friends from his fears.
Chan swallowed hard and gave a small, defeated nod, the decision tearing at him as he accepted it.
The police and EMTs began to move in, forming a loose circle around Felix, their movements slow and deliberate. Felix’s eyes darted around frantically, his grip tightening on the stick as his breathing grew more erratic, each breath coming in short, desperate bursts.
“Please,” he whispered, barely audible, his gaze flitting from face to face. “Please… just leave me alone.”
One of the officers took a quick step forward, and Felix let out a strangled cry, dropping the stick as he tried to turn and run. But his ankle gave out beneath him, and he stumbled, his balance lost. An officer moved in quickly, tackling him to the ground, pinning him as gently as he could.
Felix thrashed, his screams raw and desperate, each one tearing through the boys’ hearts as they watched, helpless. “No! Please, don’t… don’t take me,” he sobbed, his voice breaking as he fought against the officer’s hold, his body twisting as he tried to escape.
An EMT knelt beside him, her hands steady as she prepared the syringe. Felix continued to struggle, his cries weakening as exhaustion finally started to take over. The EMT moved quickly, administering the sedative with practiced precision. Felix’s thrashing slowly came to a stop, his body relaxing as the drug took effect, his breaths evening out as he slipped into unconsciousness.
The silence that followed was thick, heavy with grief and shock. Jisung wiped a tear from his cheek, his face pale as he stared at Felix’s limp form, his expression filled with disbelief and sadness. Jeongin clung to Minho, his own cheeks streaked with silent tears, while Hyunjin turned away, his shoulders shaking as he struggled to hold back his own emotions.
Chan stood frozen, the weight of the scene settling over him, each second stretching into an eternity as he took in the sight of Felix, so small and vulnerable, lying on the cold ground. He barely registered the EMT’s voice as she spoke to the officers, explaining that they had no stretcher to carry him out of the woods.
“I can… I’ll carry him,” Chan murmured, his voice soft and trembling as he stepped forward. He knelt beside Felix, his movements careful and gentle as he slipped his arms under him, lifting him with an almost reverent care.
As he rose to his feet, Felix’s weight settled against him, a weight that felt heavier than it should have, filled with all the pain and fear they’d seen in him tonight. Chan looked down at Felix, his heart breaking as he took in the boy he loved like a brother, bruised and bleeding, yet finally at peace in sleep.
With the others close behind him, Chan began the slow, careful journey out of the woods, his heart heavy with a sorrow that words couldn’t express.
–
The hospital room was quiet, filled only with the soft, rhythmic beeping of machines monitoring Felix’s vitals. The boys huddled around him, each of them seeking their own way to come to terms with everything that had happened, to reassure themselves that he was really there, breathing, safe, in front of them. Hours had passed since they’d first brought him in, the worry gnawing at them relentlessly, each moment a silent, torturous countdown until they were allowed into his room.
When they finally saw him, lying there pale and fragile against the stark white sheets, it was as if a weight had been lifted, only to be replaced by a heavier, deeper ache—the kind that came from seeing someone you love so broken.
Han moved forward first, his hands trembling as he reached out, carefully brushing his fingers over Felix’s hand. He touched him so lightly it was almost as if he thought Felix might vanish, like he was something too delicate to hold. “You’re here,” he whispered, his voice breaking. “You’re really here.” His hand lingered, his thumb tracing gentle circles over Felix’s knuckles. He swallowed hard, a small, tearful smile on his face as he whispered, “Just… don’t scare us like that again, okay?” But the fear in his eyes lingered as he stepped back, wiping at the silent tears that had started to fall.
Hyunjin approached next, taking in every detail of Felix’s face, his expression filled with a kind of wonder tinged with sorrow. He crouched beside the bed, his fingers barely touching the edge of Felix’s blanket. “You really pushed it this time, Lixie,” he murmured softly, his voice barely audible. “You’ve got to stop making us worry so much.” He reached out, touching Felix’s hand, holding it between his own for a long moment. “We need you, Felix,” he whispered, as if saying it aloud would somehow reach him. “I don’t know what I’d do if…” He didn’t finish the sentence, but the depth of his worry was clear in his gaze, the way he lingered before finally letting go and stepping back.
Minho stood near the foot of the bed, his face a mixture of seriousness and relief. He took in every scrape, every bruise, his gaze lingering on Felix’s closed eyes, his lips pressed into a tight line. “I told you you were tough,” he muttered, his voice barely loud enough for the others to hear. “But you didn’t have to prove it like this.” His tone was light, but his face gave away the concern that lay beneath his words. He gave a small nod, a silent promise, and his hand brushed briefly over Felix’s foot, grounding himself in the fact that Felix was still here, still with them.
Seungmin moved forward, his usual composure softened with concern as he leaned over Felix, his hand resting gently on Felix’s shoulder. “Just rest, hyung,” he said, his voice steady but warm. “You’ve done enough. We’ll take care of the rest, okay? You don’t have to worry about anything right now.” He gave a small, reassuring smile, his fingers lingering on Felix’s shoulder as if he were grounding them both with that one gentle touch. “We’re all here for you. Whatever happens next… we’ll handle it together.” He took a deep breath before letting his hand fall, his gaze lingering on Felix’s peaceful face as he stepped back.
Jeongin was the last to approach, his face etched with worry that looked out of place on his usually cheerful expression. He moved to the side of the bed, his hand reaching for Felix’s wrist, his fingers lightly brushing over Felix’s pulse as if he needed to feel it, to be certain that Felix was really there, really alive. “Hyung…” he whispered, his voice filled with raw emotion. “I thought… I thought we lost you. I… I can’t… please, don’t ever do that again.” His voice cracked, and he bit his lip, struggling to keep his composure as he took a step back, wiping at his eyes.
The boys gathered around the bed, each of them quietly watching Felix, their silent presence a testament to the bond they shared, to the worry and love that bound them together.
Just then, the door opened, and the doctor stepped in, clipboard in hand, his expression calm but serious. The boys straightened, each of them holding their breath, waiting for any sign of hope.
“Felix has a sprained ankle and some bruising to his ribs,” the doctor began, scanning his notes as he spoke. “The cuts on his head, arms, and legs are all superficial. Physically, he’s going to be alright.” Relief flickered across their faces, but their worry was far from gone. “His body is exhausted from the episode,” the doctor continued, his tone gentle, understanding the strain the boys were under. “He’ll be asleep for a while longer. It’s what he needs.”
The doctor’s expression softened as he looked at each of them. “A psychiatrist will be here soon to discuss next steps with you all. It’s essential to ensure Felix receives the right support moving forward.”
He gave them a final, reassuring nod before leaving the room, leaving them in a profound silence, each of them digesting the news.
The moment the door closed, Chan let out a shaky breath, his composure breaking as he dropped his face into his hands. A strangled sob escaped him, and Hyunjin moved instantly, wrapping an arm around his shoulders, pulling him close. Chan tried to steady himself, but the flood of emotion was too strong, too overwhelming to keep inside.
“I was so scared,” Chan choked out, his voice muffled and raw. “I didn’t know if… if we’d even find him. And even if we did, I didn’t know… I don’t know how to help him. I don’t know how to do this.” His voice wavered, thick with grief and frustration. “What if… what if I can’t do enough? What if he’s suffering, and I don’t know how to help?”
The others moved closer, each of them offering quiet comfort. Changbin put a steady hand on Chan’s back, his own voice tight with emotion. “Hyung, you don’t have to do this alone. We’re here too. We’ll figure it out, together. We’ll make sure Felix has everything he needs, no matter what.”
Jisung reached out, his hand wrapping around Chan’s, giving it a gentle squeeze. “We’re not letting him go through this alone. We’ll make sure he knows that. We’ll be right here with him, every step of the way.”
Seungmin nodded, his voice soft but firm. “Felix needs us all to be strong. And he needs you too, hyung. But you don’t have to carry it all by yourself. Let us help.”
The boys moved in closer, each of them wrapping Chan in a tight embrace, a silent promise of support and love. They sat there, gathered together in the quiet hospital room, holding onto each other, grounding themselves in the warmth and presence of their friends, finding comfort in the shared understanding that, no matter what came next, they would face it together.
The hours stretched on, the waiting room dim and silent, as they waited for Felix to finally open his eyes. And as they waited, they found strength in each other, each of them holding onto the quiet hope that, together, they could help Felix find his way back.
–
The boys were scattered around Felix’s hospital room, exhaustion evident on their faces from the sleepless night spent waiting. Some were draped over chairs, others leaning against the wall, each lost in their own thoughts, only vaguely aware of their surroundings.
Chan was closest to Felix, his head resting on the bed, his fingers loosely wrapped around Felix’s hand. Hours had passed since they’d been allowed in, and his eyes were heavy with sleep. But he hadn’t let go, not even for a second. He feared that, somehow, letting go would mean losing Felix all over again.
A soft groan broke the silence, and Chan’s head shot up, instantly awake. He blinked, disoriented, and looked over to see Felix stirring, his eyes flickering open, struggling to adjust to the harsh fluorescent light above him. Felix’s hand twitched as he tried to move, confusion crossing his face when his hand refused to go where he wanted. He looked down, realizing he was restrained, his expression filling with a fresh wave of bewildered fear.
His eyes roamed the room, desperate and searching, until they landed on Chan. Relief flickered in his gaze, but it was quickly overshadowed by uncertainty as he struggled to understand where he was and what had happened.
Felix tried to speak, but his voice cracked, and he started coughing, his throat raw. Chan was up in an instant, grabbing a cup of water from the bedside table. He guided the cup to Felix’s lips, helping him take small sips. Felix drank slowly, his eyes never leaving Chan’s face, as if grounding himself in that familiar presence.
The soft sounds had woken the others, and they blinked, rubbing their eyes, their expressions shifting from grogginess to relief as they registered Felix, awake and alert. One by one, they gathered around the bed, their faces showing a mixture of joy and lingering worry.
Felix looked around, his brow furrowing as he tried to process everything. “Where… where am I?” he rasped, his voice barely above a whisper. “What… what happened?”
The boys exchanged glances, their expressions heavy with concern. Chan swallowed, his voice soft but steady as he explained. “You’re in the hospital, Felix. You… you were in a manic episode. And… you got hurt.” His words were careful, each one weighted with the pain of what they’d all been through.
Felix’s face fell, the confusion giving way to something darker, something that flickered like a shadow across his features. His eyes dropped to his lap, his body tensing as he absorbed Chan’s words, the weight of the situation settling over him.
Changbin stepped forward, his tone gentle but firm. “The managers told us, Felix… about your diagnosis. About everything.” He paused, his gaze steady but filled with a kind of sadness. “You should have told us. We would have been there for you.”
Felix let out a bitter, hollow laugh, his voice tinged with a defensive edge as he looked away. “Yeah, sure… so you could all see me as something broken. Something to fix.”
The boys exchanged looks, their hearts aching as they saw the self-doubt and fear in Felix’s eyes, so carefully hidden behind his scoff. It was Hyunjin who moved forward, not letting the moment pass. Without hesitation, he cupped Felix’s face gently in his hands, his gaze unwavering as he looked into his friend’s eyes.
“There is nothing wrong with you, Felix,” Hyunjin said, his voice filled with warmth and conviction. “You’re not broken. We don’t want to fix you. We just… we just wish we’d known so we could have helped you. You’ve been carrying this alone, and you didn’t have to.”
Felix’s expression wavered, the walls he’d so carefully built beginning to crumble as he took in the sincerity in Hyunjin’s eyes, echoed in the faces of everyone around him. He swallowed hard, the vulnerability in his gaze betraying just how much he’d tried to keep hidden, how much he’d buried to keep himself together.
But Chan’s voice, shaky and laced with barely concealed fear, broke through the moment. He took a breath, steadying himself, before asking the question that had been haunting him. “Felix… the night at the bridge… was it… was it a…?”
Felix’s jaw tightened, his gaze dropping to the thin blanket that covered him. His fingers clenched around the fabric, a flicker of shame crossing his face as he gave a small, reluctant nod. The confirmation hung heavily in the air, each of them feeling the weight of it settle deep in their hearts.
Jisung’s face crumpled, tears welling up as he leaned forward, wrapping his arms tightly around Felix. “Don’t you ever think about leaving us, Felix,” he whispered, his voice thick with emotion. “We love you so much. I can’t… I can’t imagine a world without you.”
The warmth of Jisung’s embrace broke something in Felix, and his own tears started to fall, silent at first, then coming in soft, trembling sobs. He clung to Jisung, his voice choked as he managed to say, “I’m… I’m so sorry. For everything. For putting you all through this.”
But the others quickly closed in, surrounding him with gentle touches and words of reassurance, refusing to let him bear the guilt alone. Seungmin shook his head, his hand resting on Felix’s shoulder, his gaze filled with quiet resolve. “Felix, you don’t have anything to apologize for. We’re just glad you’re here. That’s all that matters.”
They held him, each of them wrapping their arms around him in a tight circle, creating a cocoon of warmth and safety. And in that embrace, Felix felt, for the first time in a long while, that he wasn’t alone. That he didn’t have to carry this burden by himself.
Just then, there was a soft knock at the door, and a psychiatrist entered, a gentle smile on her face as she took in the scene. She stepped forward, her expression kind as she addressed Felix. “Hello, Felix. I’m glad to see you awake. How are you feeling?”
Felix gave a small smile, still holding Chan’s hand tightly as he gave a small, tentative nod. “Better,” he murmured, his voice still hoarse but steadier.
The psychiatrist took a seat beside the bed, nodding understandingly. “We’ve started you back on lithium, Felix. I’ve spoken with your doctor about securing a steady supply through the shortage. You’ll have what you need to stay stable.”
Felix’s shoulders relaxed a little, a flicker of relief crossing his face as he absorbed the news. He gave her a quiet, grateful nod, his fingers tightening around Chan’s hand, drawing strength from the presence of his friends.
The psychiatrist continued, her tone gentle but professional. “Felix, I need to ask you about your experiences during your episodes. Understanding them better will help us find the best way to support you.”
Felix hesitated, his gaze flickering to the boys, who were watching him with unwavering support. Taking a deep breath, he began to speak, his voice low and hesitant. “When I’m in a depressive episode… it’s like everything is too heavy. Like there’s this weight pressing down on me, and I can’t… I can’t get out from under it. Everything feels pointless. I don’t want to be awake, I don’t want to… I don’t want to be anything.” His voice cracked, and he looked down, the vulnerability raw in his expression.
The boys listened intently, their expressions filled with sadness and understanding, each word etching a deeper understanding of what Felix had been enduring alone.
“And during mania?” the psychiatrist asked gently.
Felix swallowed, his gaze unfocused as he struggled to put the chaotic thoughts into words. “Mania… it’s like… like my mind’s going a hundred miles a minute. I feel invincible, like I don’t need sleep or… anything. But then it gets worse. I start seeing things, hearing things… paranoia. It’s like I’m not in control anymore.” His fingers tightened around Chan’s, his voice breaking as he whispered, “It’s terrifying.”
The boys exchanged glances, the reality of his struggle settling heavily over them. Each of them reached out, absorbing every detail, every description, as if memorizing it all would somehow help them protect him better.
When Felix finished, the psychiatrist nodded, her expression filled with compassion. “Thank you for sharing that, Felix. It’s important for us to understand what you’re going through. And I think it’s clear that your friends will be a great support to you.”
She unlocked the handcuffs, freeing Felix’s wrist from the restraint. “We’ll get started on your discharge now. You’ll be able to go home soon.”
The boys stayed close, lingering touches and gentle murmurs surrounding Felix, each of them offering silent promises of support, of never leaving his side. Felix looked around at the faces of his friends, his heart swelling with gratitude and relief. For the first time, he felt truly understood, truly seen. And for the first time, he felt like he wouldn’t have to face the darkness alone.
–
The days following Felix’s release from the hospital were a mix of quiet moments and slow recovery. The boys stuck close to him, never hovering too much but always there, in small, comforting ways—offering tea, sharing quiet conversations, and giving him space when he needed it. They created an atmosphere that felt warm, safe, and Felix found himself beginning to settle into this sense of belonging in a way he hadn’t before.
One evening, after a long but calm day, the boys gathered in the living room, lounging around in comfortable clothes, blankets tossed over the couches. They were halfway through a movie that no one was really paying attention to, too wrapped up in their own easy conversation. Felix sat at the center, his legs tucked under him, a half-empty cup of hot chocolate warming his hands.
He looked around at each of them—Chan, half asleep but still nodding along with whatever Jisung was saying; Seungmin and Hyunjin, quietly bickering over who had stolen the last slice of pizza; Minho, nudging Changbin every so often with a sarcastic remark that always earned a laugh. There was something grounding in these moments, something Felix hadn’t let himself believe he could have.
Felix’s gaze dropped, a thought lingering, until finally he spoke, his voice soft but certain. “Thank you,” he said, his words cutting through the hum of conversation. The others quieted, looking at him, and he hesitated, feeling the warmth rise in his cheeks. “Thank you for… being here. For everything.”
They were quiet for a moment, the weight of his gratitude settling over them all, and then Hyunjin shifted, scooting closer, his hand landing on Felix’s shoulder with a gentle squeeze. “You don’t have to thank us, Lix. This is just… this is what we do. We’re here, always.”
Jisung leaned over, wrapping an arm around Felix’s shoulders and pulling him in, giving him a playful shake. “Yeah! Besides, you’re stuck with us now. Forever. There’s no escape,” he teased, though there was a sincerity in his voice that Felix didn’t miss.
Seungmin nodded, adding, “It’s true. We’re practically all sharing the same brain cell at this point.”
Felix laughed softly, looking down as a genuine warmth filled him, soothing the anxieties that had been with him for so long. He realized he didn’t feel the same pressure to put on a brave face, to hide every emotion and every struggle. For the first time in a long time, he felt… understood.
The movie eventually ended, and the room was filled with quiet conversations and the sound of lighthearted bickering. One by one, the boys began to drift off, their laughter turning into soft yawns and half-hearted complaints about going to bed.
Felix lingered in the living room for a moment, listening to the sounds of his friends making their way to their rooms, settling in for the night. Chan was the last to stand, stretching and giving Felix a gentle, tired smile.
“Get some rest, okay?” Chan murmured, patting his shoulder. “And if you need anything, just knock.”
Felix nodded, offering a small, grateful smile in return. “I know. Thanks, hyung.”
Once the others had disappeared into their rooms, Felix took a deep breath, letting the silence settle over him. He made his way to his own room, crawling into bed, the warmth of his friends’ voices still lingering around him, like a protective shield against the darkness that had once felt so close.
As he lay there, he felt a quiet strength welling up in him, a sense of peace that hadn’t been there before. He wasn’t naïve; he knew his struggles weren’t over, that there would be hard days ahead. But he didn’t feel alone. For the first time in years, he felt like he truly had a place in the world, like he didn’t have to hide or pretend. He closed his eyes, a soft smile on his lips, listening to the faint sounds of his friends’ laughter drifting through the walls.
In the comforting darkness, Felix let himself drift to sleep, knowing that whatever came next, he would face it with them by his side.