Chapter Text
Thump Thump Thump a heart beats. Beats for man or beast, he does not know, for he knows nothing but anger. Searing hot rage that runs through his veins and saturates his world in red. He knows not who he is or what he is or where he is. All he knows is he must follow the blood and unleash the anger that thumps thumps thumps in rhythm with the beat of his heart. Right beneath his chest, with its echo in his ears. He runs, tearing through flesh and bone, in an attempt to soothe the anger.
But anger is never soothed, only hidden behind past memories and never forgotten regrets. Does he have regrets? Can a man that was ripped from death, being born again into such a furious beats, regret? He can't remember if he has any regrets. Faces faded, burned by the flames that pump through his chest and cover his eyes. He's blind. Blind to the world of his past, blind to the sins of the present, and blind to the promise of the future. He has no promise, he's a beast.
No .
A beast that only feels anger and blood and blood and BLOOD. HE MUST FOLLOW THE BLOOD, TEAR THROUGH FLESH, SWALLOW THE BONES, AND FEAST.
no. no. no.
Clutching at his head, he screams, or roars. He can't tell, can't tell what's real anymore. Is he a man or is he a beast? Faces of children flash through his mind, but they slip away before he can hold onto them. A little girl with blue hair? Pink hair? Were those his regrets? He doesn't know.
He's just a beast.
Thump Thump Thump a heart beats, in rhythm with the stomps of his paws as he tears through the streets. Slashing at everything in sight, it's raining blood, flesh, and fear. He loves the taste of fear. (no no no). YES. THE BEAST MUST FEAST. Screams fill his ears as blood soaks his claws and its delicious. A symphony made by him, for him, for his beast.
How long he goes, he does not know, he does not care, because if there's one way to drown the siren of anger, its by inflicting pain to those who forsake you. (please) NO. HE IS A BEAST. HE WILL TEAR AND RIP A-
A cry reaches his ears, its louder than the thump thump thump of his heart. It grows louder and louder and louder and he's struggling to breathe. (please) Its chocking him, what's choking him!? WHO DARES INTERRUPT THE BEAST!?
A child. A child. A child. A child is crying, down the street. Wailing over the body that lays beneath her feet. Pink hair? Blue hair? Goggles? Memories? Regrets? He doesn't know. He doesn't know. He doesn't know. WHO IS HE, IF NOT A BEAST?! The anger is hotter, heavier, and the smell of blood is everywhere. Thump thump thump thump thump thump his heart hammers in his chest and he can't see. He's blind with rage, blind with anger, blind from who he once was, who he was meant to be, because there's only the beast.
A beast stalks towards the wailing child. Who needs memories when you're a beast? Who needs regrets when you can feast? When the angers coursing through you and all you feel is rage, there's nothing left of a man who once was or was meant to be. There's nothing left (goodbye) when the pain is too overwhelming and All You Want To Do Is FEAST.
BANG.
A shot rings out. He snarls in pain as it pierces his shoulder, head swinging away from the child. He roars in the darkness, for blood saturates his world in red and he cannot see.
BANG.
Another pierces his leg and he howls. Straight up to the moon, head thrown back, howling like a wolf.
Like a beast.
BANG.
This time he hears the bullet as it travels, instincts unlocked, he claws through the air, the bullet dings off his claws. There's too much blood, its so hard to see (good bye) and he snarls in anger at the one who dares fight him. HIM. He's a monster of unimaginable strength, no one can face him!
BANG.
Right through the shoulder, he seethes in rage. Chases down one alleyway, snarling, smelling, seeking. Blood lets him see, but it also makes him blind, and he cannot see one who does not bleed. (g-good by-e). He runs through the streets, the city lights too bright, and the blood too thick. He runs until he's down, way down, down below the lights and the smell of blood begins to fade into a shimmer. Where the air is thick and heavy, down where beggars roam the streets. Down where he can lick his wounds and wait for the right time. The right time to feast. For he is a beast. There's no more memories, no more past regrets. No images left in his head. Only the thump thump thump thump of his heart, the sweet, oh so sweet, blood he licks of his cheek, and the anger of the beast.
(g-g-ood-b-ye)
Vi understands anger. It runs hot and makes her grind her teeth. She's been angry for a long time, ever since that night on the bridge, where she can still see her mother when she closes her eyes. Angry at Vander for not doing anything. Angry of Sevika for her betrayal. Angry at Marco for throwing her into prison for fucking years. Angry at Silco for taking his anger out on children. Angry at Ekko for picking the one job that started everything (even though she doesn't really blame him. He was eager to please and she was the oldest. The de facto leader. It's on her.) Angry at Powder for just trying to help. Angry at the injustice of the world for children below the bright city she now calls home. Angry at magic, at two people she never really met or got close too, all for the sake of progress; when those under, down in the dark part of the streets where just trying to survive. Angry at Caitlyn when she found out that Jinx was locked up, after she changed, she swears she changed. Angry at Jinx for dying for her. For her.
Yes, Vi understands anger and she's so tired of it. She's so tired of the way it clings to your skin like cigarette smoke. She's so tired of the way it makes her blood boil and her chest ache. She can scream and scream and scream and it never quiets the ringing in her ears. She can punch so many things, gloves on or gloves off, and she'll never have enough bones to break before it seizes to exist. Jinx once told her she was breaking the cycle and she didn't understand it then. Just thought her sister was leaving her, like she left once before, and she didn't understand.
Vi understands now. She understands, as she sits in the Kiramman kitchen, at the way too nice table, in the way too comfortable chairs, staring at the half head of a monkey bomb on the table. Vi understands now, as she glances up at Caitlyn, one eye forever hidden away and one eye screaming with so many words and emotions that often get left unsaid. Vi understands that the only way to beat anger, the only way to silence its endless siren song, is to break the cycle. So she leans back against her chair, looks back on the monkey bomb head, back at Caitlyn and lets the weight of anger fall off her shoulders.
"How long?" She asks calmly. And she is calm, she can tell, because the words are not acid on her tongue.
"We found it during clean up. Vi, Violet, I swear I was going to tell you if I thought it was anything. I wasn't sure at first, I mean, I wasn't there for the explosion, but what you described didn't seem," She hesitates, always caution around the topic present. Always caution around Jinx. Like Vi is going to break again and okay, that's fair but she's gotten better.
They've gotten better. So she just nods her head a tiny bit, an encouragement to continue. "Well it didn't seem as if anyone would survive it. But after we found it, I reviewed the schematics for the Hexgate and well, the vent system was right below the explosion. My working theory was that Jinx got out through there before the explosion went off." Caitlyn pauses again, taking stock of Vi.
But she's fine. She's sure. Because for once she's not angry something was kept from her, but relieved? Still, "This isn't all of it, is it Cait? I mean," Vi pauses, reaching out to pick up the monkey bomb head, "It clearly survived the blasts, but it's also not flesh and bone. I also don't think you'd come to me with just this, if you really believed Jinx was alive."
"No, "Caitlyn starts, "You're right. I wouldn't. I wasn't going to, actually, until I got reports of an air ship being stolen."
"An airship?" Vi looks confused, places the monkey bomb back on the table, props elbow down, cheek resting on a closed fist, "What's that have to do with Jinx?"
"Well, the airships are connected to the docking station with rope. And well, the one that was stolen was clearly cut off and left behind on the rope was blue and pink paint."
"Can I see it?"
"Well," Caitlyn gives a nervous laugh, her eye darting to the side, and then back to Vi, "I gave it Ekko."
Vi blinks, clearly surprised by this, "You gave it to little man? Wait, you went to the Undercity without me? When did you have time do to that? Cupcake!?" She's surprised and a little annoyed. Not angry, not anymore, just annoyed. They've been so busy helping with the cleanup and the injured she hasn't had time to go see Ekko and well, she's really wanted too. Vi shakes her head when she feels a warm hand cover her own, the one on the table, and she looks up at Caitlyn.
"It was only a week ago. I know you've been wanting to go down to see him, but I just needed another opinion about this," Caitlyn waves her hand over the monkey bomb on the table, "Before I brought it up with you. Don't worry Vi, Ekko took it well, better than I expected. I felt he needed something too, so I let him keep the rope."
Vi understood this too, Ekko was very close to Powder, before everything went down. And he was there, that day on the bridge, Vi sits up suddenly, truly understanding the truth laid out before her. Ekko loved Powder too and he had to witness the rise of Jinx long before she saw what happened to her sister. "Thank you, Cait. For telling me, for giving Ekko a piece of her too."
"There's something else-" Caitlyn starts, but is cut off by the pounding at the front door. The two women share a look, questioning who would be coming over at this time? The sun has set and the day is over, whoever it is, must be important. The pounding gets louder as they both get up and head towards the front door. Caitlyn in front, as its her house and Vi not far behind. Reaching the door, Caitlyn opens it, "Yes, what's," she pauses at the sight before her. It's an enforcer, and he's covered in blood. It drips onto pristine steps, the drops almost echoing in the silence.
"Commander! There's an emergency, please come with me!" The enforcer declares, with a huge sense of urgency. Already pivoted away from the door, expecting his commander to follow. Caitlyn doesn't disappoint, already stepping over the threshold of the door, glancing back towards Vi, who nods and follows suit, closing the door behind her.
"What is going on, why are you covered in blood?" Caitlyn asks, as they make they're way down the street, not quite running, but clearly not walking. There's a tense feel to the air and it makes Vi wish she had her gauntlets fixed already. They've been so busy rebuilding, she had no reason to have them repaired yet.
"We are not sure what it is Commander, but it looks like some kind of animal attack! It just started attacking through the streets! We managed to scare it off, but we lost it going down into the Undercity." Vi's stomach rolls violently. She's suddenly very queezy, as they round the corner to what looks like a massacre. Bodies lay in the streets, the firelights' tents destroyed, and there's so much blood. The enforcer rushes ahead, yelling orders, but Vi is stuck frozen, glancing at the scene in front of her. Bodies of children, men, and women, there's no difference, they all line the streets, blood pooling around them. Vi's vision grows dark and she sways a bit, held strong by a sudden hand on her arm. Startled she looks at Caitlyn, who's grabbed her, face grim. Her mouth is moving, but there's too much ringing in Vi's ears to understand.
It's the siren call of anger again and she cannot hear. Cannot hear the words Caitlyn is saying, but she doesn't need to. She already knows. She already understands. This time she's not carrying the weight of someone else's mistakes. This time she's not going blind with anger. She's embracing it. Accepting it. Choosing to put the weight on her shoulders and use it to prevent any more destruction. Shoulders set, eyes hardened, she grabs Caitlyn's hand on her arm, gives it a gentle squeeze, and nods.
"Its Vander."
The world isn't black and white. No. There are so many shades of gray and sometimes the lines of morality burn so close together one cannot tell what's right or wrong anymore. Every person has a different perspective, a different shade, and it's impossible to establish equality among those that are living. Only the dead are on even thrones, where hierarchy, and birth, and namesakes, and everything and anything in between seize to exists. People may all bleed the same blood alive, but some is thicker than others and that thickness grows into a social structure that never makes any sense. It never made sense to her growing up, how those in Piltover stood higher than those down under. Her naivety blinded her, created assumptions from her birth. 'Oh its just the way of things', people would say, 'its how it is and always been and always will be.' Those that live in the Undercity are just savages, Caitlyn, animals that don't want our help, she was told countless of times, by countless of people. It was so black and white. A falsified distinction created by the greed of those who rolled the loaded dice.
It made her furious. Consumed by rage at the hypocrisy she blindly followed her whole childhood and part of her early adulthood. Time wasted being angry at the wrong things and seeking the wrong solutions. She never fully understood the lies she was fed until she released Vi from Stillwater and took that trip to the Undercity. It was as if the curtain of her whole life was pulled away and she suddenly saw the truth. And then she pulled the curtain closed when she was consumed by her grief. Ignored the truth she discovered, only to chase down a woman to ease her own pain. One that was clearly in her own pain and had been for a lot longer than Caitlyn. Jinx was a girl once, who also lost a mother, and yet that didn't matter. So consumed was she by the anger, by the pain, Caitlyn just wanted to inflict her own pain. Jinx told her she didn't know her mother was in the tower and although it wouldn't have changed anything she understands those words better now.
The Undercity, too, was black and white. Jinx wasn't aiming at a specific person, just a collection of people who belonged to Piltover. Piltover, who caused all of Zaun's problems and who never helped solve any of them. Piltover who killed her mother and father, imprisoned her sister, and who held the keys to a brighter, better future, locked those out it deemed unworthy.
What reasoning do you give a child there's no food, when the table is full up top?
When the sun shines so bright and the stars fill the night sky, but those below only get ash and smoke?
When death is expected at any age and life isn't worth living?
When laughter is seldom and the streets are filled with ghosts?
There's no excuses for what Piltover has done to Zaun. It's almost irredeemable. And she was apart of that, for a short time. Commander Kiramman. The title makes her sick and she hates it when she hears it, but she understands why she has to keep it. At least for now. Until she can help un-blur the lines. Until she can change the cycle. And she will change the cycle. It just so happens the first thing to correct is most likely one of the hardest.
How do you kill the woman you love's father? Would Vi stand in front again, like she did for Jinx? Even if it's not her father anymore, how do you load the gun and take the shot? Will there ever be a time where something isn't being taken from them? Will the blood ever stop pouring? Will wounds ever begin to heal? Half these days she feels like she's constantly drowning and the other half she spends wishing she didn't know how to swim.
"How far into the Undercity did your men go?" Caitlyn asks the enforcer that retrieved her and Vi from her home. The blood that stains his outfit makes her eye harden.
"We lost him in an alley past the old Black Cat establishment, Commander. I didn't want to lose anymore men without further instructions."
Caitlyn nods, "Good. We don't have a lot of resources right now to run a wild chase through Zaun, not to mention a lot of our men were wounded in the battle." Caitlyn glances at Vi, who's shoulders are rigid and is looking around with a fierce expression on her face. "We should gather more intel about this beasts, talk to Council member Sevika for a proper plan. Get some help putting these victims to rest and cleaning the streets. Send all the wounded to the hospital and-" Caitlyn is cut off by screaming. She looks to her right, farther down the street, she sees a child being tended to by one of her enforcers. She's covered in blood as she wails over a dead woman's body. Caitlyn feels Vi move, before she sees her, the depth perception still causing issues. She follows as Vi approaches the child, hands up, caution, like one would a wounded animal.
"Hey," Vi starts, getting down into a squat, "Hey, I'm Vi." The child doesn't respond, just keeps sobbing. Caitlyn wants to pull her away, but then she hears it. The soft haunted humming coming from Vi, followed by soft singing.
"Dear friend across the river. My hands are cold and bare." The sobbing gets quieter and Vi continues.
"Dear friend across the river. I'll take what you can spare. I ask of you a penny. My fortune it will be." The child, still crying, but not sobbing any longer looks up at Vi and Caitlyn feels her heart breaking and healing at the same time.
"I ask you without envy. We raise no mighty towers. Our homes are built of stone." Vi reaches out, slowly, both hands palms up.
"So come across the river. And find," The child reaches out, grasping Vi's hands with the faith only a child can possess. Vi lifts the child into her arms, and turns away from the body.
"The world below."
As Vi walks away with the little girl, Caitlyn is struck by the image of a younger Vi carrying another girl away. Looking down, back towards the body of the fallen woman, Caitlyn sees its a Piltie. With a small sad smile of understanding, she waves over an enforcer. "Lets give her some dignity and cover her up." The enforcer nods and places a sheet over the body. Caitlyn turns back towards where Vi went and sees her with the little girl in her arms. She's too far away to hear what's being said, but that doesn't matter. She understands now, what she must do. There is no undoing the damage one has done, there is only moving forward. No one can change the past, there is only preventing further wrong for those who will live to see the future. The past may not be reversible, but the future is not set in stone.
She will hold the title Commander and use it for good. She will unlock the gates and show both Piltover and Zaun that a future together is worth fighting for. Her world isn't black and white. No. It's full of color and she can see it all with one eye. And as that one eye drinks in Vi and that little girl, she admits that pink might be her favorite color of them all.