Chapter Text
"He's got a good heart," his mother says while he cries into Jayce's shoulder, her smile still the same as the day he lost her. "He'll be there for you, like I never could be."
Viktor spends most of his evening contemplating the day he's just experienced. He hadn't opened up to anyone like that in... he doesn’t even know if he's ever said the words out loud before, not in such detail, not with such emotion.
He sits down on his bed and flicks through the notebook, necklace wrapped around his hand. It's Ester's diary: a whole autobiography of a sister he never thought he could truly get to know. It almost feels wrong, scanning through her private thoughts like this, but it would feel worse to not look. He wants to know her. He admired her so much growing up, he remembered a time when he wanted to be her.
The necklace had nearly broken him. She never took it off. Viktor assumed it was lost with her, but it's here in his hand. Why did she take it off? Did she know what would happen that day? Did she realise there was a chance she wouldn't make it home?
He flips to the last page with writing.
It's a letter. To their mother.
"Hi máma," he hears her speaking aloud the words on the page, sees her shadow in the hall before she steps into the light. She has that guilty look on her face that she always had when she got in trouble with someone.
She walks up to him, hand wringing her wrist, a nervous habit she got off of their mother. "I'm going to the rally. I know you told me not to, but this is what needs to be done. I want a better life for us. The topsiders need to start showing us respect, and they won't understand until we show them we deserve it."
Despite her conviction, Ester still looks scared, her eyes welling with tears. Viktor can hardly look at her anymore, gritting his teeth in anger. They didn't show any respect at that rally. They saw a young girl trying to help a friend and they killed her for it.
"I want Klara to have a good life," Ester continues, and Viktor's skin crawls at a name he hasn't been called in over a decade, though it would be worse coming out of anyone else's mouth. "I want her to grow up in a world that respects her, that sees she's kind and smart and capable," Ester looks Viktor in the eye, her gaze apologetic, "and I want Darina to never know a world that sees her as anything less than human."
Viktor feels sick. How could she have been so confident she could change things? Even on the best of days, Viktor's idea of changing the world for the better is little more than hope. He's made an impact but has anything really changed? He knows the answer but can't bring himself to face it.
"I'll make things right, and I'll be home soon," Ester whispers, sitting on the bed next to him. "I love you."
She signed the bottom of the page with her name, in that fancy style their mother once taught them. His handwriting seems to only get worse as time goes on. He wonders if hers would've, too.
Viktor can't believe he still has tears to shed, but they're streaming down his face again, staining the paper with little splotches of water. He closes the book, tying the string back around its leather cover, and places it gently on his bedside table. He stares at the necklace still resting in his palm.
Why did she leave it? He doesn't understand, can't bring himself to try. She's sitting right next to him and he can't even ask her.
With shaking hands, Viktor clips the necklace around his neck, tucking it under his clothes. He blinks at the now empty space on the bed next to him.
He has something now, something to remember them by. Something tangible that he can keep. Not just a half-buried stone or a rotting house or their ghosts dancing in the corners of his eyes.
This is real.
He changes into his nightwear, removing his back brace and leg support, and climbs into bed. The chill from outside is still settled in his bones. He hopes he warms up soon.
Clutching the necklace tight, he curls into himself, scrunching his eyes shut until exhaustion takes him.
He's walking towards a crowd. He sees Ester's face as she fights against the enforcers, trying to reach a girl being beaten on the ground. Her friend. He feels just as useless as he did back then but he still pushes through the crowd anyway. One of the enforcers raises their gun, aims it at Ester. Viktor is screaming her name but gets pushed over as he nears them. A gunshot rings out, everyone begins to scatter.
Enough.
Through the blur of the crowd's legs he sees her. Lying on her side.
Stop it.
There's blood all over her face. She stares at him with dead eyes-
Viktor yells, bolting upright, breath caught in his throat. His muscles are tense, sore, probably from thrashing. His duvet is tangled around his limbs, trapping his legs at an awkward angle.
He looks over at the clock. It's earlier than he planned to wake up but that's fine. He needs to get ready to meet Jayce's mother. He needs to make a good first impression. That's something he can focus on.
Every time he catches a glimpse of red in the corner of his eye, he doesn't look. There's nothing there, there's no point in looking, she's not real.
He's searching for a presentable outfit when he hears her speak from behind him.
"Why won't you look at me?"
"I'm not dealing with this now," he whispers, knowing full well she'll hear.
"You can at least look at me," Ester speaks with no emotion, no intonation. She sounds dead. "That's the least you can do."
Viktor sighs, places the shirt he pulled out back in the closet, then turns to face her. The blood drips down her clothes, her hair, her face. Her eyes are empty. Her skin is grey. She is dead.
"You're not supposed to be here," Viktor tells her as much as himself. He never sees them after visiting. He shouldn't need to worry about it for a long while now, and yet...
"I'll leave when you're ready for me to leave," she replies, staying exactly where she is.
Viktor continues his morning, and his sister is not following him around. He eats breakfast and she is not sat opposite him. He brushes his teeth and she is not behind him in the mirror. He studies his notes and she is not peering over his shoulder.
She isn't there and she will never be there because she is dead. Viktor feels like throwing up every time he catches sight of her in his periphery.
As promised, Jayce knocks on his door at twelve o'clock sharp. The sound is enough to dispel the ghost, leaving an eerie emptiness in her wake. He brushes it off. Jayce is here. Focus. He grabs his things and opens the door.
"Hey," Jayce greets him, eyeing him up and down. He must've chosen the right clothes. "You okay?"
Viktor nods. He will be, that's all that matters. Today will provide a worthy distraction.
Jayce is holding a potted orchid flower, the price tag showing it has likely made a significant dent in Jayce's bank.
"Those are fancy," Viktor comments, closing the door behind him and locking it.
"I haven't seen her in a while, thought she would appreciate them," Jayce responds, a certain nervousness radiating off of him. It's obvious what he's thinking, even though he won't actively say anything about yesterday.
They walk the short distance to Ximena's house, the house Jayce had only recently moved out of less than two years ago. Ester walks next to them. Now she's less bloody and more normal again, the sight of her doesn't make Viktor's stomach turn so much, but her presence after his visit is enough to warrant his worry. She shouldn't be here. It's lucky he's grown so used to ignoring her, otherwise Jayce's mother might think him a lunatic.
They reach the house. It's not exactly luxurious but it's far nicer than anywhere Viktor has ever lived. Jayce knocks twice, stepping back a little.
"Does she know I'm coming?" Viktor asks, only now realising that he may not be as welcome as he first assumed.
Either way it's too late. Ximena is opening the door before Jayce can respond.
"Jayce! It's been too long," Ximena exclaims and hugs her son. "Oh, I've missed you."
"I missed you too, mom," Jayce kisses her cheek, handing her the flowers which she admires, thanking him. It's a heartwarming display, one Viktor hates to admit he's a little envious of. He hears a whisper, imagines movement behind him, and it takes all his restraint not to spin around to see if his mother has joined his sister's game.
"You've brought company?" She asks, looking towards Viktor with surprise, but she doesn't look angry. "Is this the infamous Viktor I've heard so much about?"
"It's a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Talis," Viktor inclines his head in a bow, but is thrown off guard when she wraps her arms around him, not so dissimilar to the way she embraced Jayce.
"Thank you for everything you've done for my son," she tells him, squeezing him one last time before letting go. "Now, let's come inside. Do you drink tea, Viktor?"
Almost too stunned to speak, Viktor manages to sputter out, "Yes, yes I do, thank you, Mrs. Talis."
"Please, call me Ximena. I hate formalities," she corrects him as they make their way through the doorway. From what Viktor can already see, the decor of the house is far from extravagant, feeling much more cozy.
"Come in, come in," she tells the two boys, ushering them further inside as she closes the door behind them.
Viktor prepares himself for whatever might be in store, keeping his gaze firmly focused on the present, not the past.
\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/
Ximena and Jayce talk idly amongst themselves in the kitchen, preparing food and drink, while Viktor waits in the living room — Ximena insists he relaxes, being their guest.
"So... is there a reason you're only bringing him now?" Ximena asks in a hushed tone, smiling at her son in a knowing way.
Jayce's breath catches in his throat as he sets the kettle on the stove. He has a million answers to that question, but there's only one he can really admit out loud: "I just felt like now was as good a time as any... does there have to be a reason?"
She shrugs, still smiling. "There doesn't have to be, I just thought there might be," she tells him.
Sighing, Jayce fiddles with his bracelet. "He's been going through a lot... I didn't even realise until yesterday and I can't help but think I've failed him. I should've paid more attention, should've asked, should've done something."
Smile dropping, Ximena puts her hand on his shoulder, eyes full of understanding.
"I thought giving him an excuse to get out of the lab, to spend time with people other than me for once... I thought it might help," Jayce mutters, grabbing the now-boiled kettle and serving up three cups of tea.
"I'm sure it will," Ximena reassures him, letting go and turning to continue to prepare the food.
Jayce finishes the tea, his own black, his mother's with a splash of milk, and Viktor's absolutely smothered in milk and sugar to the point it may as well be a dessert.
When he comes back onto the living room, Viktor is staring at an old family photo, one of the rare pictures where all three members of the Talis family are together. In most photographs, one of them had to be holding the camera.
"I must've only been five in that one," Jayce remarks, startling Viktor so badly he almost drops the frame.
"Sorry, I... didn't mean to impose," he stutters, staring anywhere that isn't Jayce's face.
"You're allowed to look, they're on display for a reason," Jayce tells him, setting the tray of teas on the coffee table and sitting down next to his partner, then continues, "Mom's gonna bring the food in soon."
Viktor sets the picture back down on the table, readjusting his position on the sofa. He looks so tense, like he's waiting to be told to leave any second.
"If this is too much for you..." Jayce starts, but the glare he gets is enough to make him shut down that train of thought.
"I'm perfectly fine, Jayce," he says in a tone that sounds anything but fine. He's like a coil wound too tight, ready to break, his hands wringing the handle of his cane. "I just feel... a little out of place."
"You're not, I promise," Jayce reassures him. "You can relax. You'll turn to stone if you keep sitting stiff like that."
Viktor rolls his eyes but the tension eases ever so slightly from his shoulders.
When Ximena enters the room, however, he's back to doing his best impression of a wooden board, eyes nervously flickering from her face to the food she's carrying.
"Sorry it's not much, I would've bought more if I knew I'd be having both of you here," she places the tray next to the tea, taking the armchair next to Jayce's side of the sofa. "How are things going at the lab? Jayce tells me the two of you hardly ever leave."
"We've been up to our necks in it for weeks now, it's about time we took a break, don't you think?" Jayce comments, looking over at Viktor.
Viktor hums. "If you're referring to today, yes, it's nice to have the day off."
"I was thinking more like a week."
Viktor glares at him. "We can't afford to stop now, we're so close!"
"If we keep going like this, one of us is gonna collapse. We can't keep working ourselves to exhaustion! Just a week, a week to breathe. Please?" Jayce pleads with him, giving Viktor the biggest puppy-eyes he can muster.
Sighing, Viktor gives in, shoulders dropping so far that he looks like an entirely different person, then replies, "Okay, fine, we may take a week. But only one."
"Of course," Jayce says, relaxing a little more himself.
\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/
The rest of the visit consists of small talk and catching up, talking about their work and Jayce's childhood. The few times the conversation steers towards Viktor's past, Jayce steers it back to something else so forcefully it's more than obvious. Viktor appreciates the gesture though he thinks it's unnecessary... Unless Jayce doesn't want Ximena knowing he's from the Undercity. He hopes his partner wouldn't have any reason to keep that information from his own mother so he assumes he's doing it for Viktor's benefit.
The ghosts are present the entire visit although they never speak. Ester walks around the open space, inspecting every item on display, while his mother sits on the empty seat across the room, seeming to be listening intently to their conversations. Their presence, while off-putting, isn't enough to disturb him too deeply. He probably just looks a little distracted.
When they finally say their goodbyes, he and Jayce start to make their way back to the lab. Viktor wants to grab some things from there and Jayce insists on accompanying him to make sure he doesn't start working. Viktor is quietly glad for his company, keeping his mind from tormenting him too badly. Ester still follows them but she's so quiet he hardly notices she's there.
"You have no faith in my ability to resist work," Viktor accuses Jayce in a lighthearted tone.
Jayce laughs. "Can you blame me? I've seen what you get like when you think you're onto something. You won't even eat."
"Eating takes so much time," Viktor justifies, sighing in disappointment, "as does resting. A whole week, Jayce? We could be doing so much."
"I want to take a break! We deserve it after everything we've done for this project already. The Hexgates can wait. We need to be alive to complete them and to be alive we need to rest."
"I cannot afford the luxury of resting."
"We have our whole future ahead of us! We'll always have tomorrow." Jayce gestures grandly, a giant smile on his face.
Gritting his teeth, Viktor takes a deep breath and, trying to keep his voice level, says, "I might not always have tomorrow."
Jayce looks panicked suddenly, whipping his head round to face him. "What do you mean?"
"Breathing in factory smog for most of your formative life isn't exactly kind on your lungs, neither your life expectancy," Viktor explains, "and it's not like my leg is getting any better either. I want to contribute as much as I can while I'm able to, then I'll have plenty of time to rest after."
Jayce stops walking and stares at him. Viktor could've predicted this reaction, should've waited until they were at least at the lab, but he's too tired. The last few days have caused him so much stress, both physical and mental, and he can't find the energy to put up with this.
"Can we get back to the lab?" Viktor asks, "I feel like I'm going to freeze."
This breaks Jayce out of whatever it was keeping him glued to the spot. He jogs up to rejoin Viktor's side. Ester mutters something about a dog so quietly Viktor barely notices she spoke at all.
"Viktor..." Jayce starts in reply after a moment of contemplation, "I don't want to force you to tell me anything, I have no right to make you, but if you ever want to talk to me about anything, I'm here for you."
Viktor just nods, not looking his partner in the eye. It suddenly feels wrong to have kept this from him all this time; it feels like he's cheated him somehow. Maybe Jayce wouldn't have wanted to become lab partners if he knew Viktor wasn't in perfect health. It makes him think of all the other things he's hidden from Jayce, like his family and his upbringing, that he wasn't raised as a boy, that he's most likely not entirely of sound mind.
It takes him a moment to realise he's walked completely past the turning leading to the academy, and Jayce has grabbed his shoulder, asking him if he's alright.
Embarrassment crawls up Viktor's spine, but he smothers it before it can properly manifest. He doesn't need that right now. All it would do is make things worse.
"Sorry, I'm practically sleepwalking," he jokes with a forced chuckle, and that's all it takes for Jayce to visibly calm down, gently guiding Viktor back in the right direction.
Jayce's hand stays around his shoulder, holding him close, right up until they reach the doors of the academy. The loss of his touch feels worse than Viktor thinks it should.
They get to the lab, Viktor picking up a few notes he can mull over at home and Jayce tidying up his catastrophe of a desk as much as he's capable of doing.
"What are you gonna do with your week off?" Jayce asks from across the room.
Viktor is loading notebooks and trinkets into a bag, judging what he needs. He's not exactly hiding his intentions, so he's honest with Jayce when he replies, "Probably work on some calculations, figure out the details of the mechanics-"
"No! No work, V! Week. Off. Okay?" Jayce storms over to him, taking the bag as Viktor stares at him with wide eyes. "If I have to confiscate it from you, I will."
"It's not like I have much else to do," Viktor argues, reaching to take the bag back, but Jayce won't give in, pulling it back almost protectively.
"We could do something," Jayce suggests, "No work. No talking or even thinking about work. We could just... I don't know. Do anything."
Viktor makes a face of mock surprise. "Wow. So many suggestions, I can hardly think."
Jayce sends him a glare with no real anger beneath it. "Ha ha. I can think of something, you just have to give me a minute."
After a second, Viktor takes the bag so casually from Jayce's hands that the genius doesn't even notice, focusing all his mental energy on coming up with a plan.
"Preferably something indoors," Viktor reminds him as they start to leave the lab, then adds, "It's far too cold for a picnic," as an attempt at a joke, but Jayce is all too lost in his own head. Viktor huffs, continuing their walk in silence.
\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/
Jayce is still thinking about what they could do as they get to the section where there paths diverge. He suddenly smacks his hand against his head, eyes widening. A light bulb might as well have appeared over his head.
"I have a theatre thing in three days, I'm allowed a plus one.” He was originally going to ask Councillor Mel if she would join him, but Viktor takes priority this week. “Do you like theatre?"
Viktor shrugs, a lopsided smirk appearing on his face. "I can't say. I've never been."
Jayce's mouth gapes, eyebrows halfway up his forehead. "Well then we have to go. I can meet you at yours, four o'clock? That'll give us time to get there and have a meal."
"Sure," Viktor nods absently.
Jayce readies himself to say goodbye, opens his mouth to say it but gets cut off.
"Jayce," Viktor says simply. There's weight behind it, like he's about to say something important. He looks worried, not quite making eye contact.
"What is it?" Jayce asks.
"I'm sorry if I've been... too open about things. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable," Viktor looks expectantly at Jayce, twisting his cane into the pavement. "I promise you I'm fine. You don't have to worry about."
"I'm not worrying!" Jayce blurts out, but it's obvious Viktor knows he's lying through his teeth. He sighs. "And I'm not uncomfortable either, I just want to help you as much as I can, that's all."
"And I want you to know I don't need help," Viktor says without any venom, but there's an underlying annoyance in his tone.
"Did I... overstep the last couple of days?" Jayce asks in response. "I know you said it was okay for me to come with you yesterday, and that you wanted to come today with my mom, but if it's ever too much I need you to let me know. I want to be there for you, but I don't always realise when I'm being... overbearing."
There's a short silence as Viktor seems to flip this over in his mind. It takes all of Jayce's self restraint to not pull his friend into a hug, to not initiate contact. It might just make things worse.
Eventually, Viktor breaks the silence. "You've been perfect. I needed this, I owe you thanks," he says, finally looking up at him. "I'll tell you if anything is too much. I just don't want you to feel like you're obliged to do anything for me."
"I don't feel obliged. You're my friend, Vik, I just want you to be happy," Jayce tells him simply, catching the odd face Viktor pulls at the statement. "You tell me if I coddle too much and I'll only offer what I'm willing to offer. Deal?" Jayce holds his hand out.
Viktor huffs in amusement. "Deal," he says, shaking Jayce's outstretched hand.
"Three days. Four o'clock. I'll be at your door." Jayce winks before he can stop himself.
Viktor's eyebrows shoot up, his expression unreadable. "Yes, see you then," he replies, still smiling, albeit unsure, then spinning on his heal and walking away.
Walking in the opposite direction, Jayce feels his face get very warm, mumbling, "God, Jayce, you're such an idiot," kicking a stone along the street as he makes his way home.