Chapter Text
Metal cracked against bone solidly. Blood splattered against the pavement, and the sick sound of rotting flesh giving into the rough blow echoed in the dark city devoid of life.
Elyza’s breaths were shallow and quick. She huffed irritably, and swiped at her face with the back of her hand, uncaring if it was sweat or blood rolling down her skin.
She glanced backwards, making sure that nothing was sneaking up behind her. Her hands ached with how tightly she was gripping the battered sword and crowbar, and the injuries she’d sustained earlier didn’t help either. She was pretty sure her hand had stopped bleeding by now. Maybe.
The brief pause was all the rest Elyza allowed herself, and she continued forward, stepping over the walker she’d just slain. It was just one more body that paved the path of corpses littered behind her.
In the swirling darkness of her mind, Elyza was uncertain as to how much time had passed. She was so tired, and it would be so easy to lose herself to it, wrapping it around her like a warm blanket and taking a three month long nap.
“Aden… It’ll be okay, you’ll be fine…” A hiss of pain.
“A-alicia… You’re still--” The boy’s words were slow and breathy, and he was interrupted by his own groans. “--You’re still hurt… You’re bleeding again.”
“You never even stopped bleeding.” There was a dry humor to her words.
Oh shit.
Fucknut.
Aden.
Alicia.
She gasped with a start, her eyes snapping open and her left hand flying to her neck.
There was nothing there. Her hand still hurt like a sonuvabitch though, damn.
It took a few moments for her vision to clear up, and she first noticed the body crumpled by her feet. A man in a suit. He was face down with a hole in his head and soaking in a puddle of his own blood; she wasn’t sure if the emotion that was wrenched from her heart was relief or despair.
“Alicia… Aden…” Elyza croaked, her throat still tight from the grip around it just a few moments earlier. She managed to push herself onto her knees, but was too weak to fully stand up. Every joint in her body cracked under the pressure, and soreness was twisted into her muscles. Automatically she grumbled in pain and surprise, and was immediately washed over with shame for daring to show weakness when the other two were so badly wounded.
“Elyza?” Hope and lightness carried her name from Alicia’s mouth, and she wasn’t sure if she deserved to be shown such care from the girl that was everything.
“S’me,” she mumbled, crawling over to the other two. They were both sweating from pain and nervousness; Aden’s eyes were squeezed shut and Alicia’s were…
Elyza’s eyes darted to the side, and a few feet away laid a pistol.
That’s three times. Three times today I didn’t protect you.
Hadn’t she promised to herself ten minutes ago that she’d protect the goodness inside of Alicia? But because of her mistakes, she’d forced her to pull the trigger to save her dumb ass.
Was it stupid and naive of her to think she could shield her from spilling the blood of another human being?
Elyza reflected the current state of the world--desolate and filled with death and desperate people doing whatever they could to survive. Alicia reflected what the world could be--should be. Something better. A world where people didn’t hesitate to help each other, where no one had to die for selfish reasons.
Elyza didn’t want that taken away from her. No one else needed to dirty their hands like she had.
But even that she couldn’t manage.
Her eyes flicked back towards Alicia’s green pools, darkened and faded and tired from today’s trials. But even as hard as she tried to hide it, Elyza was able to dive right in and immediately drowned in guilt. Her own guilt, and Alicia’s.
She reached for one Alicia’s shaking hands and squeezed it.
I’m so sorry.
The baseball bat clanged loudly against the sidewalk as Elyza repeatedly bashed in the already fallen walker’s skull, mashing it into an indescribably disgusting and bloodied pulp.
They needed a new place to stay, so she put it upon herself to search and explore, even if her only illumination was from moonlight.
She needed time alone. She needed air.
Most of all though, Elyza really wanted to channel her frustrations by destroying some motherfucking walkers.
Her shoulders hefted with each deep, gasping breath. Her deep blue eyes stared emotionlessly at her handiwork.
I fucked up.
“Stay here.”
“It’s dark out, we should all just stay here for the night--”
“We don’t know if there are people working with them. We don’t know if there are people looking for them right now. It’s dangerous to be here,” there was a barely contained irritation in Elyza’s words, and she wished she could hold it back, especially when Alicia’s eyes fell and the usually fired up and curt girl hesitated.
It’s not you. It’s never you.
“I’m finding us a new place before then. For now, don’t leave. You and Aden get what rest you can. I’ll be back.”
Alicia just looked at her sadly with words on her tongue that she was afraid to speak, and Elyza couldn’t meet her eyes without falling apart.
So she left.
Elyza was thankful the bodies downstairs were still there, and she made sure they stayed that way.
When Elyza saw it, she’d been wandering down an alleyway with her arms hanging by her side. The sword and the bat scraped noisily against the concrete as she dragged them behind her. Thinking back, she wasn’t sure why she hadn’t recognized it sooner.
Maybe she was too busy sloshing through her inner turmoil and angsty, emo kid thoughts.
But when Elyza was about twenty feet away, her focus was broken and quickly drawn forward by the sound of a constant, motorized whirring and overlapping hisses and grunts from a crowd of walkers.
Oh shit.
The corpses were dawdling around a running backup generator, and as soon as they heard her approaching, changed direction to shamble towards her. Luckily the pathway was narrow enough that they couldn’t crowd around and overwhelm her; instead, they lined themselves up to be executed.
She thrust the sword through the first one’s skull and kicked its limp body backwards. It toppled over and impeded the progress of the ones behind it. Taking advantage of the delay, she stepped forward onto the fallen creature and swung downwards with the crowbar, the hooked end cracking through the head of the second one.
Was it worrying this had become so routine for her?
Elyza could be reckless at times, but she never did anything she didn’t think she could handle. It was always necessary to keep your wits about you in a dangerous world like this, but as gruesome and gross as these reanimated corpses were, they were slow moving and simple minded. She’d already killed so many, and it’d never really bothered her that they used to be actual people.
Maybe the first few times she had been, when they just started rising, but she quickly got over her reservations considering they were trying to eat her face in a totally-not-sexy way.
But now it was a menial necessity. Something you needed to handle with care, but couldn’t avoid. That’s what Elyza told herself, anyway.
But maybe there was uneasiness that rooted itself inside her heart, quietly whispering doubts in her mind.
Should you really be so fine with killing these things? Are you sure it doesn’t just prove how messed up you are? How messed up you’ve always been?
Fuck, man. Her brain was such an asshole.
Her grip on the weapons grew tighter and she swung harder and harder each time, determined to push forward and trudge through these corpses.
Maybe I am messed up. Or maybe there’s no maybe about it. But I’m going to do what I need to to survive. To protect the others. To protect Alicia.
Even if she already fucked up that last part. Elyza wasn’t sure how she’d ever be able to make it up to her.
Her boots were sticky with blood and rotting flesh this shit was so gross goddamn it as she stepped back onto the pavement and approached the generator that hummed louder and louder the closer she got.
No fucking way.
She was already panting from exertion and adrenaline, but even then the idea of being lucky enough to stumble on this find constricted her chest, and she wasn’t sure if she was getting enough air.
Elyza’s eyes quickly darted around to make sure there were no more walkers and strode over to the back door, giving the knob a jiggle. Locked. Of course.
Usually she’d approach this type of situation with more finesse, but it’d been a long day and she was eager to get back to the others so they could bounce and stay somewhere safe.
Also maybe Elyza was still eager to break stuff.
With one swift movement she smashed the handle with the crowbar and it clattered onto the floor. She glanced backwards once more cautiously, but when it didn’t seem like that had attracted any walkers, she kicked the door roughly. It gave in under the force and swung open slowly.
Carefully, Elyza crept in, her weapons raised. The lights flickered on automatically, and she was in some kind of storage room with all kinds of shit boxed up and untouched.
“Oh, fuck,” she whispered in awe.
Were they finally getting a break?
God, whatever this place was, she hoped there was a washing machine.
This was probably the most bored Alicia had been since the world ended. The most alarming thing about that?
She had no idea if that was a good or bad thing.
It’d been a few days since shit took a turn for the worst and they were almost… Fuck, she wasn’t even sure. Were those guys trying to sell them off for labor? From Aden’s situation, it sounded like they were gathering people up and just shipping them around for whatever they were trying to do.
Had that been what happened to her family?
Well, whatever they had originally planned for them didn’t seem like it was going to pan through based on all the very specific death threats that guy made towards them. Real swell guy, she was super glad they got to meet.
Elyza had went and found them a safe place to stay, and they’d taken the last three days to decompress and lick their wounds. Which was nice considering they’d been beaten, stabbed and also shot at repeatedly.
Okay, yeah, maybe it was a good thing she was bored. Boredom was definitely preferable over being shot. Again.
They were staying at some kind of office/apartment building that was just miraculously completely empty of any walkers--or at least the uh. ...Alive? ones. The dead ones were probably behind the closed doors she’d tried to open before Elyza flipped out and told her to leave them alone and go rest somewhere safe.
Sigh.
Alicia was currently sitting on a bed with a napping Aden resting on her right shoulder. The back of her head thunked against the wall as she stared at the ceiling with glazed eyes.
Elyza.
“Alicia, you should sit down,” Aden advised breathily. The pain in his shoulder subsided and he wasn’t pouring sweat anymore, but was still a little pale. “You need to rest.”
She said nothing as she paced in front of the couch. With each step the left side of her body burned, and pain pulsed around it. But she couldn’t keep still.
What was taking Elyza so long?
“She’s fine. She’ll be back soon.” There was an underlying pleading tone to his reassurances, but Alicia shook her head.
“Just close your eyes and sleep. I’ll wake you up when we get going.” She winced and sucked in a deep breath when the wound throbbed especially painfully.
“Alicia…” Aden sat up waveringly from where he’d been lying on the side of the couch. “Please?”
Her stubbornness lasted for a moment longer, but between his sad eyes and how drained she was, she finally gave in and slowly fell back onto the seat.
He smiled weakly. “Thank you.”
“...What’s taking her so long?” she mumbled aloud.
Silently, Aden edged closer so their bodies were pressed up close, and he wrapped his hand around hers and squeezed it to silently comfort her.
The past several days had already been so strange, but she was so tired she didn’t question it anymore. It didn’t worry her why this boy they’d just met calmed her spirit, or why she was desperately protective of him. Like with Elyza, something had just clicked instantly. It was bizarre, and if things were “normal” like they used to be, maybe it’d even be scary. But right now in this new world, she didn’t care.
It was just nice not to be alone.
“Get some rest. You were hurt pretty badly,” Alicia murmured.
“You were shot,” Aden quickly responded with a wry smile.
She shrugged. “Hurts, but s’fine.”
“Think you might be a little delirious from blood loss.”
“Pretty sure I’m the older one here, so you have to listen to me.”
Aden frowned at her, his face scrunched up discontentedly. “That doesn’t work now.”
“Does that mean you’re gonna fight me on it?” Alicia smirked.
“...No,” he grumbled. “What would I even do? Push you down and force you to rest?”
“I’ve known you for maybe five hours, but you don’t seem like the type of kid to do that.”
“You were shot. That’d be mean.”
Alicia chuckled and ruffled his hair; he tried to hide his grin when he whined for her to stop. He squirmed under her grip but limited his movement so neither of them would re-open their wounds. Both of them were still weak from their injuries and exhausted enough to sleep for a week straight. Eventually Aden drifted off, and Alicia fought to stay awake, refusing to sleep until Elyza came back.
Sitting down only made it more difficult to keep upright; her eyes unfocused several times and she almost lost her grip on her consciousness.
But when the door creaked open, Alicia sat up straighter, the fog of fatigue disappearing instantly. “Elyza?” she called out, her voice cracking.
The door nudged open further and as soon as she saw the strands of blonde hair, Alicia’s immediately wanted to jump over and give her a hug, though refrained. She wasn’t sure her body would cooperate, not to mention she’d end up throwing Aden onto the floor.
Alicia wasn’t sure how it was possible, but Elyza looked even more tired than when she’d left. She and her weapons were covered in blood, and she leaned against the doorframe, her shoulders lifting slightly with each breath.
As hard as she searched and watched her, the blonde’s dazed, stormy blue eyes never seemed to meet hers.
“Elyza?” she repeated once more, quieter than the first time.
“S’me.”
Alicia held out her hand stubbornly, refusing to withdraw it despite her hesitation to leave the entryway. “Elyza.” She said firmly.
She squeezed her tired eyes shut and turned slightly, as if she was afraid of Alicia’s gaze upon her. But after a long sigh, she trudged over, her weapons slipping out of her grip, clattering onto the floor and she fell to her knees besides the couch, her hands clasping around Alicia’s.
Alicia ran her thumb over the back of one of her hands, her jaw clenching and unclenching as she searched the words to soothe Elyza. She buried her face in their hands, and her skin was cold from the night air. Though Alicia wasn’t sure if that was the true cause of her trembling.
“It’s… it’s okay. It will be okay,” she whispered.
Elyza shook her head ever so slightly, but said nothing.
As small as the action was, discouragement mixed with her fatigue and settled within her. It had to be okay, right? It was okay. That’s what Alicia repeated to herself over and over again.
The quiet moment dragged on, and she found some comfort in Elyza’s steady breaths.
Eventually, she spoke up, though she didn’t look up from their hands. “I found a place for us to stay. It’s got a backup generator, though I don’t know how much longer it’ll last. Might as well take advantage of it while it’s up. We should go as soon as possible. Now, if we can. If you’re okay.” Her words cracked at the end.
Alicia simply nodded, even if Elyza couldn’t see it. For some reason, she couldn’t find her voice right then.
They had barely come across the other since they’d settle into their current safe haven. No doubt about it, for whatever reason, Elyza was avoiding her and as much as she wanted to say it pissed her off (which it kind of did), she was mostly confused and sad, like a kicked puppy.
A week. They had known each other a week and Alicia was… whipped? Was that even the right word considering they weren’t dating?? Not that she wanted to. They were platonic, really. Friends. Gals bein’ pals.
(No, she couldn’t even convince herself.)
Regardless, she needed to know what was going on in Elyza’s head. Something was wrong, and she had to fix it. Clearly there was some kind of discussion they were toeing around--though Alicia wasn’t entirely sure how to approach it. Just sayin’, at least if they were dating, she could employ the power of kisses to help.
Alright, now or never right? That was a lie, she had just finally gotten to the point where it was unbearable to be without Elyza’s company anymore.
Sighing to herself, Alicia slid off the bed slowly, carefully lowering Aden down so he could rest undisturbed. She smiled warmly at his peaceful face and ran fingers through his soft hair before pulling away and stepping quietly out the door.
Instead of all three of them sharing a spacious apartment together, Elyza had opted to mope around in her own living space down the hallway, because apparently she needed the entire two thousand square feet to house her angst. You can’t prove Alicia’s bitter, you have no proof.
She kept her footsteps as silent as possible, partially so Elyza couldn’t hear her coming, but also because it almost seemed taboo to break the stillness that enveloped the entire building.
They all left their doors unlocked, which was probably not the smartest thing to do, but if anyone decided to bust in and kidnap them, they would hear them coming. Besides, what was one door going to do anyway?
Alicia slipped in and poked her head around the corner. She immediately spotted her mark sitting on the floor of the living room with a bottle of something beside her as she stared towards the outside through the glass balcony.
Elyza would’ve heard her by now, so she abandoned all pretenses of sneaking around. Instead she strode over, and sat down with six inches spaced between them. God, she wanted to be closer. This was wrong. Were they fighting? Why were they fighting?
I miss you.
The silence was suffocating. Alicia attempted to distract herself from it by looking outside, but it mostly disturbed her how peaceful it was, or rather how quickly her brain had connoted an empty city block with only a handful of undead meandering about with peace.
Not moving her eyes from the scene several stories below them, Alicia spoke up quietly, “Can you stop being stupid and tell me what’s wrong?” Several beats of silence passed before she added as an afterthought, “Please?”
Elyza half-scoffed, half-chuckled and took a drink from the bottle of rum and held it towards Alicia. “Well, since you said please.”
She frowned. Her hesitation barely lasted a moment before she took it and drank as well, though she only took sips. Maybe being drunk would make this conversation a little easier, but she might also end up saying some stupid shit like, ‘I am so sad when you’re not around.’ Or, ‘There are dozens of beds in this building, but we should share anyway.’ But most likely, ‘I love you.’
“How’s it healing?” Elyza murmured.
Alicia shrugged. “Good so far. Not dead yet.”
She had meant it as a joke, but when Elyza’s entire body tensed and she looked away, she was quickly scrambling for the words to make amends.
“I--it’s fine. I’m not going to die. I’ve been keeping it clean, so it won’t get infected. ...Elyza?” She reached out, but her hand hovered barely a space away over her shoulder. There was an emotional disconnect between them, and the more time that passed without fixing it, the worse it seemed to get. When they’d met, everything clicked into place. Even if Elyza said dorky or stupid shit, their line of communication was still open. Now Alicia was just so uncertain about what she was supposed to do…
“I’m sorry.”
“Huh?”
“I’m sorry for everything.” Elyza’s eyes were fixed towards the floor. “I said I’d protect you and I fucked up.”
“T-that wasn’t your fault.” Alicia frowned, her brow furrowed with worry. Is that what’s been bothering her? “What were you supposed to do? Those guys came up out of nowhere and knocked us out--”
Elyza shook her head over and over with her eyes closed and her fingers digging into the carpet. “You almost died…”
She scooted closer and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “But I didn’t. I’m right here, see?” Alicia squeezed her arm and laced their fingers together. “This isn’t like your dreams, or mine. Those… they’re not real,” she said as confidently as possible, though she’s pretty sure they’re both reluctant to believe that. “Is that what’s been bothering you?” she murmured into her blonde hair.
Elyza leaned into her. “I never wanted to put you through that… I told myself I’d protect you from that…”
“It’s okay--”
“You had to kill someone because of me.”
Alicia’s whole body went taut. The air was caught in her chest and distress was tugging at her stomach. She closed her eyes and her grip on Elyza unknowingly tightened.
She had been asleep when it all happened. Two minutes ago she wouldn’t have thought she was going to kill a guy. She was too tired to get up, and even with the painkillers, her side throbbed. She was only vaguely aware of Elyza’s loving touches, though to be honest maybe she had imagined that.
Her yelling is what shocked Alicia awake and she sat up, immediately wincing and regretting it. But when her gaze turned towards the noise, she realized she had no time to dwell on her pain.
What’re you sitting there for you idiot? Move. Move.
Everything was hazy and Alicia was barely aware of what she was doing. Her body moved quicker than her panic, and even if her legs threatened to buckle underneath her and even if her wound was burning, she stood and swept up the gun Elyza had dropped on the floor earlier.
Before she knew it, she was pointing the gun at the man.
Wasn’t it only earlier that day Elyza had taught her how to shoot? Her sleep addled mind conjured the illusion of her touch brushing against Alicia.
You better pull the trigger if you ever want that again.
The panic was finally settling in.
She fired.
It hit him square in the back of the head, and a moment later his lifeless body toppled over and Elyza’s crumpled onto the floor.
Nothing quite woke you up like murdering a guy.
I killed someone. Not a walker. Not even someone turning into a walker. It was… it was just a guy. A guy who was a serious douchebag, but still a human. Obviously it was in self-defense, but she’d ended someone’s life with a pull of a trigger.
It had been so easy.
Alicia curled against Elyza even closer, but this time it was for her own comfort. “It’s… it’s fine…”
“No it’s not,” she insisted. “I don’t… You shouldn’t have to. It’s not you. I don’t want you to lose yourself because of the world we live in… I don’t want you to have to shoulder the responsibility of those kinds of decisions.”
She understood where Elyza was coming from. A few weeks ago she’d been living the normal life of a teenager, not fighting tooth and nail for survival. And yet, there was a part of Alicia that just wanted to reassure her. It’s fine. I’m used to it.
Wait, used to what?
Surviving? Danger? Killing one to save another?
A small voice inside her echoed back:
Yes.
Alicia would do anything to save Elyza. It was frightening, the thought that she’d let innocents die if only she could live, but Alicia would do it without hesitation. It was a necessity in this kind of world. You had to be cruel to save the people you loved. Even if that meant killing anything that threatened them or you.
No. Nononono. No, that wasn’t right. Alicia didn’t want to kill anyone. But you have. Hundreds. Thousands. In that situation, she had to or else Elyza and Aden would’ve died. But that didn’t mean she had to get used to it. She didn’t want to get used to it.
But that other part of her had a point--it was either him or Elyza. What the fuck would she do if she let Elyza die so that asshole could live?
Alicia would be more than glad to bear the guilt if Elyza was alive.
“Alicia? Are you okay? Do you need to lay down?”
Elyza had pulled away; she found herself colder and her limbs heavy. Her hand was pressed into her face and she shook her head. “No… m’fine. Had a moment.”
“Was it… dream stuff?”
“I dunno. Could be the bullet wound and painkillers,” Alicia said wryly.
Elyza didn’t even crack a smile, and she was worried she’d broken her. “...Elyza?”
Her face was scrunched up in some kind of heartbreaking mix of sorrow and guilt and shame. When she spoke, her words were so soft she wasn’t entirely certain Elyza was speaking up.
“...It was just like my dreams. But the person who was shot had a face. And it was you. I was going to lose you the same way. I was going to lose you again.”
Those words should’ve frightened Alicia. It was crazy talk, but maybe that’s why it didn’t scare her. Because every day she wondered if she was losing her mind more and more.
Instead she reached forward for Elyza once more and wrapped her arms around her, unsure if the trembling was coming from Elyza’s quiet sobs and repeated murmurs of, “It was going to be my fault again. I can’t lose you again. I’m sorry I couldn’t keep you safe again,” or if it was her trying to hold back her own tears.
How could Elyza lose her again if they’d just met? It made no sense, and yet it made perfect sense and grief and anguish suffocated Alicia.
“Hey,” she murmured, her voice cracking. The words came automatically and she didn’t know what they meant, but they were the right thing to say. “Don’t be sorry. It’s not your fault. I know you tried your hardest like you always do.” Her body wouldn’t stop shuddering.
“I’m sorry I left you. I didn’t want to. I never wanted to. I never wanted you to be alone again… I’m sorry you had to suffer through that. I’m sorry I’m the one who put you in that position.” Alicia’s words crumbled underneath her tears, but she forced the apology out into Elyza’s hair, even if she had to whisper them.
“But you’re not alone anymore. I’m here.”
And neither of them had any idea why, but those last two words broke them down all the way down to their core. To their barest essence, to their strongest emotion. They could do nothing else but cry and release waterfalls of regret that they never even knew existed inside of them.
They were just two girls who loved each other too much in a broken world.
“I’m not sorry.” Alicia’s soft words were what broke the silence.
After their breakdown, they’d simply laid on the carpeted floor of the apartment with Elyza’s head resting on Alicia’s chest while her fingers twirled through her blonde strands.
The silence wasn’t suffocating or awkward, and to be honest, Elyza barely noticed it. All she focused on was Alicia’s beating heart and breaths underneath her ear.
“Hm?” she didn’t move her head to look at her. She wasn’t ready to stop listening to the steady rhythm of Alicia’s life. It was like that one time she was all up in her emotions and had Adele on repeat for like, two weeks.
“I’m not sorry I shot that guy,” Alicia confessed. “I don’t want to hurt anyone. But he was going to kill you. And I…”
Her trailing words roused Elyza enough that she propped herself onto her elbow and she looked at Alicia with wide eyes.
Clearly she was hesitating as she sat up as well, and her eyes darted to the side. “...can’t get very far without you.”
Oh. Elyza deflated slightly. Well, it wasn’t not a compliment, right? She forced a small grin, but when Alicia looked up, her eyes were furrowed as if she saw right through her faux-positivity.
“N-not that I… fuck,” she sighed into her palm.
Elyza arched a brow at her, and she waited patiently for her to draw out the reluctant and timid words.
“I’m glad you found me.” Alicia’s face flushed slightly, and despite her softening expression, she met and didn’t stray from Elyza’s surprised gaze.
Even as she consciously scrambled for a response, her body moved on its own again and spoke without her complete permission.
“Me too,” Elyza swallowed thickly.
They simply stared into each other’s eyes. She wasn’t sure what Alicia was seeing, but Elyza saw a tired girl forced to grow up too quickly and finally getting some tranquility. It pained her to know she deserved a lifetime of it and that this moment was fleeting, but at the same time she was so grateful she was the one whom Alicia was spending this moment with.
The faintest of smiles pulled at the corners of Alicia’s mouth and it was some mix between her trademark smartass smirk and something softer.
She looked so fragile right then.
Elyza pulled her into a tight, desperate hug, protecting her from the world with her own body. Whatever it took, whatever sacrifices she had to make, she would to ensure Alicia’s safety and well-being. To make sure she doesn’t leave the world of the living too soon. ‘Again,’ is what her annoying brain kept adding.
“I don’t want a world without you,” she whispered, as if saying them aloud will make it happen. This time the words aren’t just coming on their own, but a part of her own self, the one that existed here was speaking them as well. “It’s too lonely. Too painful.”
To Elyza’s surprise, Alicia responded just as quietly, “I can’t imagine a world without you. It doesn’t exist.”
I love you.
Elyza swallowed the words. “Didn’t you know? I’m the center of the universe.”
“Jackass.” But she could hear the smile in Alicia’s tone.
Elyza pulled away hesitantly, but only slightly so she could see her soft expression. Hair was tucked behind one ear while on the other half, brunette locks partially covered her face. Her own eyes darted around her face, and she saw Alicia’s dazzling greens doing the same.
Her breathing slowed while she absorbed the sight of her lips as she licked her own. But in a moment of unworldly self-control, and also because she saw the slightest hint of Alicia leaning forward as well Elyza pulled her closer into a one-armed hug and kissed the top of her head. Ugh, her hair was so fucking soft and it smelled so nice. Whatever, fuck it. Yes she had some of Alicia’s hair in her mouth, and no she was not going to move away. She could’ve had her naked in less than five minutes, but noooo she was responsible for once and didn’t go for the home run. So, yeah this was Elyza’s consolation prize. Not that any part of Alicia was any less than the other.
Alicia made a soft noise, but she wasn’t sure if it was a whimper of contentment, surprise, or unhappiness.
She did know it was cute though.
Elyza relaxed into Alicia when she smothered her face into her shoulder. “...Are you okay, ‘lyza?”
“In general or right now?”
“Both.”
“Mmm. As long as I have you, yeah.”
“You’re such a sap.”
“I told you, I’m a fuckin’ romantic.”
“Yeah, yeah.”
Elyza chuckled before her tone grew more serious. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah…” Alicia took in a deep breath and sighed, slumping further into Elyza’s hold. “I just… I want to stay here. And that’s fucked up.”
“Why?”
“My family. I need to find them. But after running into those guys… I don’t even know if they’re alive. What if they’re not? It’d be stupid to leave this place. It’s safe and there’s supplies and food…” For now. Even if she didn’t say it, they both heard the hanging words.
“It’s not fucked up. You’re weighing your options. This place is pretty ballin’... And I don’t think your family and friends would want you risking your life if they’re dead and you’re safe. But… it’s up to you. It’s whatever you think is right. There’s no wrong answer.” Elyza nuzzled the top of her head reassuringly. And also because she was stuck on how much she loved her hair. God, what a great day to be gay.
Alicia sighed again. “But isn’t there?”
“Nope. Look, you don’t owe anything to anyone. And I know that sounds fucked up since it’s your family, but in a world like this… It’s more important to act in a way where you won’t have regrets, because second chances aren’t guaranteed, especially with how the world is now.” Yeah, kind of being a hypocrite here.
“I guess so…” Her hands held onto Elyza tighter. “...Can we just stay like this for a while?”
“Of course,” she responded softly, petting Alicia’s hair. “Does Aden know where you’re at?”
“No, but he was asleep. He’ll find us if he needs something.”
“Yeah…”
“What would you do if you were in my situation?” Alicia peered up, vulnerability shining through her eyes.
Elyza shook her head. “I don’t want to sway your opinion.”
“Jerk.” Her face plopped back down.
She laughed. “I just want you to know… just because you need to figure out what you want by yourself doesn’t mean you’re alone. You know whatever you decide, I’m going to be with you every step of the way, right?” Elyza pulled away so their eyes met. So that Alicia could see her sincerity. Her hands squeezed her shoulders.
“...Yeah. I know.” She smiled gently. “Thanks.”
“Thank you for giving me a great view after the world’s ended.” Elyza winked and pointed a finger gun at her.
“Annnd that moment was effectively ruined.” Despite her exasperation, Alicia rested against her once more, her chin on her shoulder and her arms around her torso.
“Besides, without anyone saying anything, we both know what you’re going to pick in the end.” Elyza rested her head atop Alicia’s, her hand still stroking her hair, while the other supported her back.
“Yeah… When did you start knowing me so well?” The words were meant to be teasing, but the answer echoed in their hearts.
Since always.
“I can read your mind,” Elyza supplied softly. “It’s why I’m so good in bed, I just know what they always want. I’d prove it, but you’re still injured and I don’t want to hurt you. Maybe when you’re better.”
“Oh no, what a missed opportunity.” Alicia deadpanned.
“There’ll be plenty more, no worries.” She grinned.
“Thank God, I was so stressed about when I’d ever get a chance to sleep with you.” Elyza couldn’t see her, but she was pretty certain she was rolling her eyes. She was such a sassy asshole.
That’s one of the things she loved about Alicia. Along with everything else.
“I am always accommodating.”
“How sweet,” she mumbled dryly.
“Oh you know, that’s me in a nutshell. So sweet you shouldn’t eat me before--” The rest of Elyza’s words were muffled when Alicia’s hand shot up to silence her.
“Please stop talking.”
“Anything for you, baby.” Or at least that’s what she tried to say with her lips pushed up against Alicia’s palm. Speaking of though…
“Ugghhh,” she groaned. “How did I know you’d lick my hand?” Instead of immediately jerking away, Alicia just sighed and wiped the moisture off on Elyza’s shoulder.
“Because you can also read my mind?” she responded in between giggles.
“I hope not. I think ten minutes of that would more than fill my allowance of weekly sexual innuendo.”
“Hey,” Elyza pouted. “I think about other things…”
“Oh yeah? Like what?”
How much I care about you. I wonder what it’d be like if we met in different circumstances; would I still fall in love with you? Well, it isn’t so much falling--it’s like I already was and I just didn’t know it until I met you. It’s kind of scary because this feels like the setup of every terrible romance in YA novels and I really don’t want to be the weirdly, unhealthily possessive romantic interest. Also because I’ve got way more game than some centuries old virginal vampires.
“Elyza?” Alicia pulled away and quirked an amused brow, though there was a slight, worried furrow. “You didn’t short circuit your brain thinking too hard, did you?” she joked lightly.
“Hm?” Her eyes were dazed as she was still wandering about her thoughts. Shit, what had I been thinking about? Oh, right.
“You just… looked pensive. Is everything alr--?”
“--You.”
“Huh?” Surprise and confusion lit up Alicia’s face.
“I think about you,” Elyza murmured. “Us. Where we’re going. Where we’ll be.”
She swallowed. “...Where do you want to go?”
“Wherever you want to go. Whether it’s to find your family or stay here…”
“What about your friends in Vegas?”
Elyza shrugged lightly. “I want to know if they’re okay, of course… But they’re there or wherever they are, and I can’t do anything to help them. But you’re right here in front of me. You and Aden are my priority.”
Alicia hummed thoughtfully. “...I think we should stay here a bit longer before we head out again. We can’t waste time, but we aren’t in any shape to defend ourselves right now either.”
“Sounds like a solid plan.” Elyza reassured and smiled.
Alicia sighed and moved to lay on the floor. Her hands were still gripping Elyza’s shirt and she dragged her down with her, and the two lazily flopped onto the carpet.
They said nothing for the following stretch of time, their only movement was them slightly repositioning so they could lay against each other more comfortably.
Elyza wasn’t entirely certain how to define their relationship. On the one hand, they were post-apocalyptic besties who had gone through a lot of shit and maybe this closeness was weird for people who had known each other for less than a week, but whatever. Fuck the haters, this was the least weird thing in the world right now. They were friends. Just friends.
Even though she wanted something more, but it was definitely too soon to push for something like that. And maybe not the best time, considering how vulnerable they were all feeling. Elyza was for rebounds and one-night-stands because you were feeling shitty, but she definitely didn’t want that with Alicia. She needed more tact in this kind of situation. She had to take things slowly. Which was shitty since they were in a world where they weren’t guaranteed any more time than they already had.
But on the other hand… It was like they were already there. They already had that “something more,” and since it was like they both knew that… They knew they didn’t have to rush. There was no pressure. They could just enjoy being in each other’s company and one day they would take it that one step further, but that wasn’t what mattered the most.
Elyza wished she knew more about this mindfuck-y dual life or whatever the fuck this is thing they’re doing. Why the fuck was the internet gone? How was she supposed to find a book about this when she could’ve just Googled it a month ago and pulled up some Yahoo answers post that was totally 100% accurate?
“Where do you see us being in the future?” Alicia whispered against her neck, and she shivered slightly when the warm air brushed against her skin.
Elyza didn’t respond immediately.
That was a good question.
She’d thought of a few hypothetical situations. Maybe they’d just wander the world for the rest of their lives, doing whatever the fuck they wanted. Like each other, eyyyy. Maybe one day the human race would get its shit together, and civilization would start rebuilding itself and they’d settle down somewhere nice. That was kind of a terrifying thought, but in a good way?
And of course, there were all the bad ends--but Elyza didn’t dwell on those. She wanted happy fantasies.
It didn’t matter if they found her friends, or Alicia’s family or if Aden stayed with them the entire way though she hoped he would, they were both fond of him but no matter what they were together.
Elyza turned to face her and adjusted so that she could press their foreheads together. “Happy. Together. Where we don’t have to worry about the infected, or people trying to sell and or kill us. Maybe some place by a beach? Or somewhere in the woods. Some place peaceful. And there’s internet,” she grinned.
Alicia smiled as well. “That sounds nice,” she murmured. “That’s what we’re working towards, then?”
“Sure. My friends and your family can come along, but we’ll boot ‘em out if they’re being annoying and we need some peace and quiet.”
She laughed breathily and Elyza’s heart did flips. “Perfect. It’s a promise. Wherever we head towards, in the end we’re going to find some place peaceful we can live and worry about nothing else.”
“Yep. Together. I’ll watch your back and you watch mine?”
“Of course. Promise?”
“Promise.”