Chapter Text
Varian, singing: ~Hush, little laptop, don’t you cry.~
Varian: ~I'm gonna find you some more Wi-Fi.~
Varian: ~And if that Wi-Fi doesn’t work…~
Varian: ~I will destroy the fucking Earth.~
Yong, holding up their class notes: And then this doodle of a burrito because when I first read Aristotle, I thought it was pronounced like “Chipotle”.
Yong, in shock: Wait a minute, is it “Chip-o-tottle”?
Nuru, pointing to Varian and Yong: Distract them! I'll be right back! *leaves*
Hugo : Okay!
*five minutes later*
Nuru: *returns and sees Varian and Yong unconscious on the ground* What did you do? I said distract them, not knock them out!
Hugo : There's just no pleasing you sometimes.
*Varian rushes by with an armful of water bottles*
Yong: What's going on?
Hugo : Varian wouldn't drink water.
Yong: ...And?
Hugo : And I asked them how fast they could chug an entire bottle.
Varian, loudly: 16 OUNCES IN TEN SECONDS, BITCHES!
Yong: Okay. Hypothetically speaking, how mad would you be if I burned a hot pocket so badly it could probably fall off a ten-story building and be completely fine?
Nuru: Yong, what did you do?
Yong: Take a guess.
Hugo : Give me everything you’ve got!
Varian: All your friends secretly hate you.
Hugo : Wait, what?
Varian: I’ve got anxiety.
Hugo : “Ladies and gentlemen” is unnecessarily gendered, overly formal, lengthy, and honestly, I’m falling asleep already. “Cowards” on the other hand, is inclusive to all genders, to the point, and dramatic.
Nuru: What's worse than a heartbreak?
Yong: Stepping on a cat's tail and not being able to explain that you're sorry.
Yong: Can I go to the pool?
Hugo : Sure, we’ll go as soon as I’m free.
Yong: No, can I go by myself?
Hugo : You don’t want to go with me?
Yong: You just go around challenging random people to cannonball contests.
Hugo : It’s the only way to establish dominance.
Yong: I am going to need you to swear-
Hugo : Fuck.
Yong:
Yong: ...swear as in promise.
Varian as a child: I can’t wait to grow up and have cool adventures!
Varian now: I can’t wait to go to bed.
Nuru: Is anyone going to tell me what's going on in here?!
Yong: It's kind of complicated, but Hugo -
Nuru: Got it. Forget I asked.
Hugo : Why am I not the protagonist of an amazing story…?
Nuru: You are, though - it’s called “your life.”
Hugo : Shut the fuck up, I wanna struggle fighting demons not struggle with getting out of bed every day.
Nuru: But those are your demons.
Hugo : ...
Hugo : I am hereby naming you as the antagonist and now it is my sole job to find you and hit you in the face with a chair for that bitch-ass comment you just made.
Hugo : State your name, rank, and intention.
Yong: Yong, Yong, fun.
Nuru: This should be illegal!
Yong: It is.
*in a group chat*
Hugo : First one to reply is gat.
Hugo : *gay
Hugo : Wait...
Varian: What the hell was that?
Hugo : *picks up a flashlight* Only one way to find out!
Nuru: Wait a minute! You don’t go TOWARDS the spooky scary banging!
Yong: Yes we do, Nuru. We always do.
Hugo : I have a new hoodie.
Varian: Wrong.
Varian: We have a new hoodie.